Back home!

This is a super duper quick entry to tell you all that we got home last night, Robert has slept amazingly well, 4-5 hours between feeds. He's still breastfeeding like a champ. :) I feel so happy that I am able to be his sole nourishment!

After we got up around 9am when he woke for another feed, we've been catching up posting photos on facebook (we have yet more absolutely adorable photos!!! I will post them soon!), and other bits and bobs, sorting out more washing, and other householdy bits.

My dad and step mum are due to arrive, they've stopped by tesco and are doing our shopping for us :) Then Jonathan's parents are coming over later (although they might actually arrive at the same time, since Dad and Caroline are running late what with doing the shopping) so it might be a bit of a full house! Ah well. Will try and delay Jonathan's parents since they're a shorter drive away.

Anyway, wanted to thank you all for all the lovely comments you've posted over the last week (! - Robert is a week old already, how crazy!!!) as I finally had a chance to read them all - Jonathan printed out two of the days' comments and brought them into hospital but I missed the others ;)

I will try and post more thoroughly later (tomorrow probably!). Robert will probably wake soon so need to be ready to give the Booby Monster what he'll want as soon as he's up!

News

Jonathan posted photos last night so he told me. Isn't he a cutie?!

Today we had an EEG scan to test his brain waves. All came back normal which is great news. We have an outpatients appointment for his MRI on 5th December.

But the really fantastic news of the day is that they are pleased enough with his feeding that he is sleeping upstairs with me tonight, and if in the morning they are pleased with how he fed they will evaluate whether he can come home! I am so confident with my breastfeeding. My milk has come in yesterday and since 11.30am yesterday (it's now 4.10pm) my little man has eaten nothing but mummy milk! And he seems so content. :)

Jonathan and I are both becoming somewhat adept with nappy changes and dressing him. I also gave him his first bath today as the EEG had made his hair all sticky. That was somewhat nervewracking but we were under the watchful eye of a wonderful neonatal nurse called Angela who has been amazing with supporting my breastfeeding, she also came along to Northampton with us for the EEG.

I'm just so tearfully happy right now. I'm sitting here finally feeling what I thought I'd feel in the first moments after birth. Listening to my son snuffling in his sleep to my side, knowing he'll soon be home where he belongs. And knowing also that after all my worries, I am fully able to exclusively breastfeed makes me happy beyond words! This little man is only 5 days old and already he has given us so much joy. (and heartache, and worry!) I feel so blessed that he is in our lives.

Anyway I'll leave off here. We are going to try and pack up stuff I won't need tonight so J can take it home so we don't have too much stuff to take home tomorrow. I hope I can catch up with all your comments and any J might have missed in printing them out for me soon. xx

Photos

First clothes

There is some great news on Robert today! He's out of the incubator and also off the fluid drip! We dressed him for the first time. He is however taking some formula via tube, as taking milk by cup is rather exhausting for him sometimes.

His crying is getting better and he does seem to be getting more sleep.

Breastfeeding is going okay. I don't know how much mummy milk he is getting but my little champ is doing so well in getting used to taking the breast. I can't believe he's only 3 days old! Sometimes he looks really much older and it does feel like it's been ages since he was born. But when I'm holding his little body next to mine and staring down at his tiny lips and nose, watching his little eyes look around inquisitively, he seems so small and helpless and my chest seems to swell with protectiveness and love for him.

I can't even begin to express how happy and proud I felt when this morning he latched onto the breast without a struggle and began feeding straight away, and stayed there for 35 minutes!

I did have a bit of a tough time earlier though just before lunchtime. The midwife with us was being very patronising and pushy about his feeding routine and I ended up getting very upset over it. Jonathan went down and talked to her about it after I'd told him what I was feeling and came back with what she said. That and a chat we had later with a younger midwife made me feel a lot happier.

It doesn't help I suppose that I'm dealing with tiredness, hormones and separation from my little man. I think also all the visitors we've had recently has exhausted me. That and having to reply to umpteen text messages a day from several people asking how Robert is today. Jonathan and I are going to try and get people who want updates to contact someone else instead of me so we only have to tell one person instead of 5 or so. My mum and sister in law have both sent me texts yesterday and today asking and it's just quite tiring (and expensive!) to keep replying especially as I have too much to say to fit on one message!

Anyway the only thing I can do at the moment is to take one day at a time and hope that one of these one days will be the one where we get to take our son home! x

Cuddles and feeds

Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for the replies! Jonathan printed them out before he came back to the hospital this morning. It really made my day to get so much love from old and new commenters alike.

I am feeling SO much better now, both emotionally and physically. Jonathan is feeling better too. The whole thing was so scary but now we've held him, and he seems to be doing well, it's just such wonderful encouragement. There are still things that need to be kept an eye on, but I'm just on cloud nine with my gorgeous baby boy! We are feeding him now every 4 hours, first putting him to the breast, and then giving him some formula by cup (I insisted not by bottle) until my milk comes in.

We've done two feeds so far. (written at 5.30pm) On the last feed we got him on the breast, and he sucked away beautifully! I was so proud especially since he was latched on perfectly! I just can't wait to post all the lovely photos we have now. I'll try and sort something out with Jonathan so you can all see them soon.

It is just so lovely having him out for cuddles and feeds. We have to change him in the incubator which is a challenge to say the least! I could just gush on and on for ages about him! Let's hope that doesn't change too much when I have to deal with all his crying!

That's one of the main causes of concern because it's not normal crying. It's more like brief high pitched squealing that goes again within a few minutes that the doctors say is most likely from headache from the birth. It has been happening though since his breathing got well enough to make that much noise so they are going to see what happens with it. If the feeding doesn't help with it he will probably need an EEG to see if that sheds any light.

Anyway I'll update when I can via Jonathan's PDA and him transferring it when he goes home of an evening. And hopefully he can get photos on the net soon for you to see. x

Robert is here

Sorry for the long delay in update. Unfortunately everything did not go to plan. I'm writing this on Jonathan's pda from hospital and he's going to post this when he goes home to gather some bits.

Robert Stephen was born at home at 6.37pm on Sunday after approximately 14 hours of labour. I had no pain medication and he was born weighing 10lbs. However he wasn't breathing and had to be resusitated. He was limp and although his heart was beating it took him about 20 minutes to breathe on his own. We were rushed to hospital after Robert had established laboured breathing and whimpers and I'd delivered the placenta. I'll go through the actual birth story another time.

Robert is now in the Intensive Care Unit being monitored to check that his heartrate and breathing remain stable and also to check that he's seizures that were caused by lack of oxygen to the brain get better and don't cause any serious problems. We got to hold him for the first time after birth a few hours ago and he also latched onto the breast and had a little suckle. He wasn't latched on properly but I let him suckle there for a while so he got used to it.

He is such a beautiful baby with deep blue eyes and inch long (!) dark hair. :) J and I have both had difficult times over the last 24 hours as it's been very traumatic and as such we are both somewhat emotional wrecks, especially me what with the long labour, blood loss, stitches and hormones. But I think being able to hold him today has risen our spirits a lot.

We're likely to be in here a while but I do hope I can post photos soon. We really do have such a gorgeous boy and some lovely photos of him. I hope to catch up soon as it's rather bizarre being away from the intrnet for so long. Thanks to you all in advance for your thoughts. x

40 weeks 1 day - I think this is it!

Okay girls I think this is it, I think today is going to be Robert's birthday. I've been getting strong contractions, tonnes of period pain type cramps, and hardly been able to sleep since about 4.30am.

I phoned up the delivery suite at about 5.10am, they phoned back after quite a long time to say the oncall midwife was already out at someone's home, so if my contractions become regular and stronger (am timing them now using that handy website Jemma linked me in my comments) I will have to go into hospital :( :( Unless the woman's given birth already in which case I can nab the oncall midwife.

When I phoned the contractions seemed to die down a little, not quite as periody. Even sitting up at the moment the period pain aches don't feel as severe as when I was in bed. So the person at the delivery suite told me to take some paracetomol or a warm bath for the contractions as it didn't sound like I was contracting regularly.

Hopefully next time I update it will be with a birth announcement!

40 weeks - update from this morning's entry.

Well, I'm pretty sure I've been losing my mucus plug all day - practically every time I've gone to the toilet I've been wiping away brown discharge. My contractions have slowed again and am not really getting a lot of the period-ish feelings. I spoke to the midwife at the delivery suite around 3pm-ish and described the first two shows I had, and also the contractions, and she said even though the contractions weren't regular and not progressively getting worse it sounded to her like I was in early labour.

She got the on-call midwife to ring me and have a chat. It wasn't Beverley, but someone called Nina. She was one of those highly enthusiastic sounding people, with a posh voice. She asked me if I wanted her to come around and check me over, I told her that I was happy to wait and see what happened with the contractions. She said they could continue to get stronger and more regular or they could ease off altogether, the latter of which has appeared to happen. Ah well, I'm still confident things are on the move, albeit more slowly than I thought at first. Jonathan thought that the strong contractions and the mucus plug meant that I was going to give birth imminently (sigh) so he moved the coffee table into the garage making it difficult to have things by the side of the sofa. He didn't want to get the big one out of the garage again so he brought out the tiny one instead.

I am still coughing a lot, which is annoying but there's not a lot I can do about it.

Something I'm pleased about though is that Robert seems to have woken up again - it seems his more wakeful periods are at night, which is when I feel most hand movements, and makes up for his relative stillness during the mornings and early afternoons.

Anyway, I guess we'll see what the night brings, and when the contractions start up again. I am still getting braxton hicks but they're back to hardly noticeable.

Well I'll keep you updated.

Thanks for all the comments!

40 weeks - Happy due date, me

Happy due date to meeee *sigh*

I was convinced last night I might be in the throws of labour. We went out for dinner, before we left I was getting strong contractions combined with period pain, I also seemed to clear my bowels out fairly thoroughly while we were there. And after we got home they were still quite strong. I timed a few, but I don't think I was doing it properly but they weren't regular either way. But during the night I got a bowt of insomnia, feeling contractions and period pain but they weren't getting stronger so I was trying to tell myself I wasn't in labour, and just go to sleep, but it was like my mind wasn't listening and kept awake feeling for these period pain feelings. Bah.

Anyway, I eventually fell asleep, although I had to go to the toilet a lot during the night as usual.

This morning I got up (only about 10 minutes ago), went to the toilet, wiped, and what do I see? Mucus plug! Not a huge glob of it, but definitely at least a bit of it. Darker than my usual fluid, plus there was a bit with a streak of blood in it. So yeah, I'm pretty much certain that was some of my plug. Not that it means a lot, I could still be weeks away from labour. Hopefully not WEEKS though, since now I only have 10 days before they will make me go into hospital :(

Well seeing as it's now my due date, I am 40 weeks pregnant today, I'll get around to doing a belly gallery shot today to (hopefully) finish it off before I give birth in the next day or two (hahahaahahha - wishful thinking but you never know!)

Even though I'm getting quite uncomfy, it is a little sad that I'm nearly at the end. I don't think I'll miss all the uncomfiness, like the constant bloated feeling, or the heartburn (which oddly has been getting a little better over the last few days), or the swelling (also getting a little better although this may be simply me not being upright all the time and having lots of naps). I will miss rubbing my belly and knowing he's in there all snug and warm. I will miss his sweet little waves with his arms (it feels so cute feeling his arms move around in there!). I will miss his hiccups. I will miss feeling a foot poking out of the top of my bump, and pressing it back in with my fingers, only to feel it slide elsewhere on my bump!

But I can't WAIT to meet him, to put my fingers inside his little hands and feel him grasp them tight. To tickle his feet for real, to hold him close and aahhhh. :) All that stuff. It won't be long now...

39 weeks 5 days - still nothing, waiting for signs

I don't know why, but now I'm in the final bit of pregnancy - the bit where I'm just waiting and waiting for the little man to make his appearance, it seems that there's little point of me updating until something does happen. Because every day now until he comes it feels like it's going to be one of two things: either I have no signs of labour starting at all (like yesterday), or I have quite a few, and nothing happens (like the day before yesterday).

As for the mucus plug - well I can't be sure but I might be losing it gradually. I've heard it can happen, that it comes loose in bits and many women don't even know it's happening. Over the last several days (perhaps a week) I have had blobs of what seems to be just a sticky slimy type of cervical fluid, but I've not had any like that in ages before hand, I remember thinking "that's a bit odd". These blobs aren't huge by any means, usually about the diameter of a 5 pence piece. And they're not SPHERICAL either... in other words it could simply be cervical fluid. I don't know.

Either way I'm just waiting... waiting for a big blob, waiting for waters to release, waiting for strong contractions that will let me know I am in labour... until then I just get on with whatever I feel I can get on with, even if it's just laying on the sofa watching telly, or napping, or catching up on emails/forums/facebook etc on the internet. With only 2 days to my EDD I am now beginning to think that it's incredibly unlikely I will be early with Robert. After all, I was 12 days late being born. He's probably lazy like his mum, doesn't want to get moving when it's so warm and comfy where he is. But please Robert, get moving before 12 days have passed from now - or we won't be able to have your home birth.

Anyway, gonna go get breakfast. Tata for now. And if I don't update in a while... erm... well it might mean I'm in labour but then it might mean I just feel I have nothing to update. If I'm unable to make an entry to say I'm in labour I'll get Jonathan to do it so you're not all left wondering what's going on, okay?

39 weeks 4 days - not in labour yet, but I think it's close

After my entry yesterday, I became very convinced I was in the early stages of labour. My braxton hicks were very strong (much stronger than usual, I could feel they were there without having to feel my tummy to see if it had gone hard), and I even got bouts of period like pain co-inciding with them.

However things seem to have died off again, and although I've been having the odd braxton hicks they are again very mild and difficult to tell they're there unless I poke and prod my tummy around a bit.

I didn't time them last night, I figured I'd wait until I was feeling them regularly and strongly, and it came to about 1am and they had died down a bit so I went to bed. For some strange reason I didn't need to pee very much, but also I got up once because for some reason I was just laying there awake, not needing to pee, no heartburn, no real reason for it at all. Eventually I got up and attempted a pee anyway, and I could, so went back to bed, and fell asleep til morning. The first thing Jonathan said to me this morning was "No baby yet then?" I rolled my eyes a little and said "doesn't look like it!" To which he replied "Damn, I was hoping I didn't have to go into work today!" (He's told his employers that he'd like to take off 2 weeks holiday from when the baby is born) Cheeky bugger!!! ;) I said "Oh right, and that's the only reason is it?? Nothing to do with the fact that having him will ease my aches and pains, and the fact he'll be here with us eventually?" He chuckled a bit and said of course those were reasons too, then as he was kissing me goodbye, he bent down to kiss my belly, and asked Robert very nicely to come out soon! I hope he listens!

I do think it could be any day now. I really think I may be in the 20% of first-time mums who give birth on or before their due date, judging by how I was feeling yesterday. Of course I could be one of those women who feel strong contractions for weeks before they give birth. But either way I guess I'm quite lucky, the ones I've felt so far have been far from painful - they've hardly been uncomfortable to tell the truth.

I spent yesterday going through a birth preference sheet we got from hypnobirthing, ticking the things I'd like to include in it. It's quite a large document, so I will have to try and cut it down a little, to merge some points with others. The midwife has written down in my notes that we're doing hypnobirthing so hopefully any we get from the community section will already have a basic understanding of what we will expect from them, including things like letting the mother lead the birthing process, not to ask about "pain levels" or to coach me into "pushing" during the second part of childbirth. But it's probably a good idea to have my birth preference sheet out for other matters like medication, induction, what to do if the birthing is stalled, etc.

I do feel so excited, knowing that my baby is close, that any day now we may get to meet him. I'm looking forward to my labour so much! I can't wait to get into my birthing pool! That any day now I will get to see the little feet that I've been feeling for so long, that every day I like to tease when he pokes them out of my belly, by poking them back! That so soon I will meet the tiny human being that I have grown from a single cell merged by mine and my husband's love for each other, to the kicking, poking, hiccuping little man that's here in me now.

I love him so, sweet little man, we'll see you soon!

39 weeks 3 days - last night, midwife app, annoyances and a rant

Yes, he's still here in my belly. Intuition was officially wrong now. Ah well.

During the night I woke up feeling odd. Sick. I went to the toilet, and while I was sat there I kept feeling like I really wanted to be sick. I had no bucket or bowl up here so I was trying to think where I could be sick (I tend to be sick when I need the loo, hense most of the time I need a bucket so I can be sat ON the loo while I'm being sick). But then I had some more diarrhoea (had several bouts over the last week or so), and thank goodness the sick feeling went away. But I was thinking to myself that the reason I was feeling sick was because of new hormones in my body from labour. Was in half a mind to phone up the delivery suite then and there and tell them about it, and see what they thought but then decided to go back to bed. Awoke a few more times in the night with an odd feeling but they didn't co-incide with braxton hicks so I knew they couldn't be contractions.

Anyway, odd feelings have gone, Robbie's still in my belly, so it's back to the waiting game.

The midwife appointment went well as usual. Normal BP, urine showed no abnormalities, heartbeat was fine, he measured 39 weeks, was still 3/5, etc etc etc. I told her we'd test inflated the pool so we knew how to do it quickly when the time came, she asked if we'd filled it but I told her we hadn't, but said how long the leaflet reckoned it would take to fill with an on demand combi-boiler system like we have (~40 minutes). She also asked if it came with a thermometer, which it did. I told her it also came with a hose and tap connectors, strainer (nice! haha), floor protector, and other bits and bobs. I hope she's on call when I go into labour, seeing as I know her, and I've never even met any of the other midwives.

Something I forgot to say (if I even mentioned in here before now that we'd test inflated the birth pool), was that when we were in bed we were talking about the positioning of it and stuff, and I said to J "When I saw it there all inflated, I got really excited" he started chuckling and it took me a short while to catch on to what he was thinking! Haha. Dirty minded man! ;)

Oh I do hope this little man comes along soon. I'm always so exhausted from hauling my big heavy body upright and out of bed about 4 or 5 times a night, and my knees are giving me so much grief lately whenever I sit, stand, or go up or down the stairs. Swelling's still around but I've been making a habit to relax a lot during the day and watch telly, so it's not been as bad lately. Have been getting quite grumpy lately. Had a half serious moan at Jonathan last night over whether or not I had understood what he meant when he said he could get 2 more lots out of the toothpaste tube, as he was there brushing his teeth with the one lot I reckoned he'd be able to get out. He meant when I said I thought he could get 1 out, he thought he could get 3 out (so another 2 after that 1 he was using), which I thought he meant, and followed a rather heated erm.. not argument, but maybe indignation on my part that I knew what he meant and him explaining what he meant was a waste of time and did he think I was stupid, etc etc. Eventually we both ended up bursting into laughter so it was all okay. But I am generally feeling less and less able to cope with stupid people, or obnoxious people, or people that just go on and on and on about themselves in a conversation with me.

Some guy I know from yeaaaars ago - about 10 probably, started a chat with me last night, asked how the bump was, and then proceeded to talk about the fact that he'd held some 3 month old baby, told the mother he was going to take the baby home with him, and then met some girl the other day who I don't even know, linked a photo of her (i'm presuming, I never clicked on it), and I was like "I REALLY DON'T CARE! I DON'T KNOW THIS GIRL! I DON'T KNOW THIS BABY! I DON'T CARE THAT YOU HELD HIM! But I would like to see what happened if you DID take him home with you, because you wouldn't be able to cope for even an hour alone with him!" I didn't say this to him of course but I did rant at the computer screen, and in the chat with him simply said "that's nice." "ok" and other non-commital stuff like that. I'm getting increasingly fed up with him talking about random girls I don't know. Note, I said GIRLS not women. This guy is 30. And he has only dated TEENAGERS for the last several years. Several of them supposedly telling him they were 18, or 20, and then turning out to be 15 or younger. Now given that he remained legal, and the parents are okay with this I would have no trouble with the idea of a 30 year old and a 15 year old at all, but every month or so he messages me, acting all heart-broken, and I suggest maybe he find someone he has more in common with - ie someone who works, is able to DRINK, ie, is at least 20, but every time he finds some other teenager. Where he FINDS these teenagers I have no idea. But anyway enough ranting about this guy. Just goes to show my short temper these days, amazing how this guy hasn't cottoned onto it yet hahaha!

And breathe! Heh. Anyway. I might go back to bed for a bit longer. Am still feeling quite tired. And don't worry, I will let you all know as soon as humanly possible when things start moving along!

39 weeks 2 days - midwife app today, lots of braxton hicks

Nothing yet! Well, not nothing. I had a whole load of braxton hicks earlier this morning but that's all. Got my 39 week midwife appointment this afternoon. It only seems like a couple of days since I last saw her. It was last Wednesday so 5 days ago. Robert's still moving around in there okay. I am wondering if he's actually a quiet baby - I've read people saying how their full term babies squirm and kick and punch around in there like good-uns, yet Robert doesn't do much of that at all, just the odd foot poking around, arms waving occasionally.

Anyway I know this is short and sweet but I'm quite tired and think I might take a nap before I have to go down to the surgery this afternoon. Will update soon! x

39 weeks - busy day ahead, practise contraction last night - no labour yet!

Sorry to disappoint again Sarah, but this isn't a "I've gone into labour entry!" Hehe. However, it is a "Oh my goodness I'm 39 weeks pregnant!" entry. ;)

Also, last night, I *think* I had a practise contraction... not just simply a braxton hicks, but something that made me think "oh goodness, am I in labour???!!!" We were downstairs watching a film, I was laying on the sofa, with my legs up on the beanbag I'd perched on the end, and after a while, I got this very strange feeling all over my abdomen, along with the tightness I usually get with braxton hicks. Unlike braxton hicks though, I was getting progressively more uncomfortable, and in the end I felt I had to get up, I was also feeling like I needed a wee, so I got up to have a wee, and as soon as I did get up, the odd feeling went away. I did get more braxton hicks afterwards, but they were just braxton hicks, not anything more.

I am finding sleeping progressively harder. Last night, thank GOODNESS I didn't have to get up to take gaviscon, although I did have to take some before I went to bed. But I did still get up to wee twice (not bad, usually it's 4+ times now). But I woke up many more times, simply trying to turn over. I feel lately like my joints have become stiffer and more painful, as well as the fact I'm carrying around a 7+lb baby and trying to shift him around as well! Sitting down is getting more painful in my knee joints. I sometimes wake up as well to find one or both of my hands have stiff and painful joints - possibly from how I've placed my hands while sleeping.

I do still wonder if it's likely to be the 17th... it's 5 days early and apparently first time mums are more likely to have late babies. I guess I'll see. But I hope he doesn't go too much overdue.

Jonathan has left for Aylesbury, and I'm just writing this entry quickly before I get to work too - putting on a load of (our) washing, doing the washing up while that's doing, then hanging up the washing, maybe putting on another load, and while that's doing, sort out some boxes in the spare room. Or take a rest and lay on the sofa for a while. Whatever my feet decide! ;) He almost went off without his phone, which would have been BAD... I wouldn't have been able to get hold of him incase things started to move along today.

I have my 39 week appointment on the 17th too, I wonder whether he'll start to move before or after that! ;) Anyway, I'd better get going now, and look lively, and all that!

Thanks again for your comments, I do appreciate hearing from each of you and value your insight! And sometimes it's nice to get comments which make me laugh like some of yours have!

38 weeks 6 days - replies to comments, good dad-to-be, busy weekend scheduled

Thanks for your comments! :) Heartburn is still here and quite bad, last night I felt I had to lay down but then once I did it just got so bad that I felt like I was going to be sick and even once I sat back up again it still lingered for a while. The comment from singledadguy I got about the heartburn causing hairy babies, or vice versa.. I immediately thought "if only!" because it sounds like an old wives tale, and as much as I'd like a baby with lots and lots of hair, I thought what a load of codswallop... so I googled it, and lookie what I found! It's not 100% but there is some scientific evidence to support that claim! The hormone that relaxes the sphincter and causes heartburn is also the one responsible for fetal hair growth. So there is a correlation. But I guess we'll see!

Thanks also for your reassurance over the nursery! Hehe. I don't think my brother did one either. But when you hear from people "Oh, we're doing the nursery this weekend" and things like that you suddenly think "hmm, should I be doing one too?" But the baby really doesn't care if he's in a perfectly decorated room with winnie the pooh borders and curtains... :)

It's getting so close now, but at the same time I think "ooof, when is it going to happen? I'm sooooooo uncomfortable!" J is being great, he helps me get up from the sofa when I've been lying down on it, he helps me put on socks and shoes, he gets drinks for me, he puts on dinner. And he STILL gets me tea every morning before he leaves for work. :) He started early on in the pregnancy when I was feeling a little morning sick and the queasiness first thing made me feel a little yeuuugh. And he's done it every day (well, every working day!) since then!

As much as I am nervous about the next stage of our life, which could begin any day now, I am looking forward to it so much! I think by the time you get to 38 or 39 weeks pregnant, however nervous you might be about becoming a parent, the uncomfortableness of it all just makes you think "sod it, lets just have the baby out already!" Oh goodness I just can't wait! I can't WAIT for labour!

If it's going to happen early it'll probably happen this weekend though, because that's when it'll be most inconvenient. J wants to head over to the flat to sort out the last few bits that need doing - the smoke alarm, shower curtain, and stop cock under the sink. I've told him I don't think I should go, besides there is lots of things needing doing here, like finishing up the spare room, washing all the baby clothes we got from the lady from the paper (we're not going to bother with the newly bought clothes - just the second hand ones), and catching up on our OWN washing... and generally tidying. I looked through the baby clothes we got second hand, and for the most part they're pretty good! I saw one that had a rip in the side, but should be ok once it's sewn up. But one out of 60+ items of clothes isn't bad at all. Tonnes of newborn clothes - body suits and sleepsuits, but also little tops and trousers. I might ask people if they want to get clothes to get him 3-6 month stuff as we only have a bit of those.

Anyway today's task, along with eating (haha!) will be to catch up with the big pile of washing up and clean up the kitchen. Already practising my post-birth strategy! ;)

Keep well girlies!

38 weeks 4 days - heartburn heartburn more heartburn, major sugar cravings, mw app etc

Heartburn heartburn and more heartburn. That's been the recurring theme over the past several days. I get heartburn at night, heartburn during the day, heartburn when I sit or lie down, it doesn't seem to matter. I'm happy for Robbie to stay put for a little while longer if that's what he wants and/or needs, and I am still cherishing the wriggles, pokes, brushes with his arms or feet. But it would be nice for him to come out so I no longer have to deal with the heartburn alllll day long!

Swollen feet are still there, but I do try and keep my feet up, or if I notice my feet have suddenly ballooned I go and lay down (and try and deal with the heartburn that inevitably comes!).

There is still a lot of work that needs doing in the spare room, and it will of course be easier to sort before Robbie gets here, but if he gets here sooner rather than later, then it's in a state where it can very quickly be made suitable for his changing/dressing. We don't have a nursery as such, which I'm conflicted about. I see people saying they are sorting the nursery, and they get it all decorated in nice kiddie colours and borders and all painted. And here's us, with a cot in our room (still undecorated but then it doesn't really need it) of lilac and cream, the changing table and a chest of drawers in the spare room along with some chairs and a bookcase and a lot of thing strewn around (which will of course need to be tidied to avoid tripping or accidents). I guess a nursery isn't REALLY necessary... but it just feels a little like I'm not doing it right. I suppose the perfectly decorated room isn't necessary for a baby, as long as he has a place to sleep, clean clothes, clean nappies, food and lots of love and affection that's all that matters. The rest is purely cosmetic.

I've been craving more food lately, I seem to eat loads. Yesterday I had cereal for breakfast, then I had the curry I hadn't finished at the restaurant for lunch, then a few hours later I had FOUR slices of bread and butter, and then for dinner I had 2 rounds of cheese and pickle sandwiches. I've been craving sweet things a lot as well - I go through anything sweet in ultra quick time. And could really murder a chocolate bar, or a cake (huge slice of), or some of those gorgeous tesco bakery cookies (the biiiiiiig ones), or a big fat slice of tesco finest cheesecake or chocolate tart.

I might have to persuade Jonathan that we go to tesco tonight when he gets home from work, because even though I'd like cake, we are running out of bread and milk, and milk is still pretty much a necessity for me - I'm beginning to think we should buy TWO 6 pint bottles of milk whenever we go, it certainly won't go off! And it'll mean I can have more milkshakes etc.

Anyway, better head off now, have a wash and get dressed (yes yes I know I'm lazy!), also collect some wee for the midwife appointment this afternoon. I think she'll weigh me today - my notes have a space for "BMI at 38 weeks" so that'll be fun fun. I've not weighed myself for ages, but I'm guessing I'm over hmmm... 230-240lbs. If not more. I was fast gaining on 100kg back in July which was the weight limit for a stool thing Jonathan bought me for my birthday. And that's 220lbs. I will definitely do my best to trim up a bit before I get pregnant with #2. Will help with energy levels and hopefully swelling. Right, well keep well, tata!

38 weeks 3 days - breastfeeding, dinner at local indian, etc

I'm feeling very tired this morning. I've had heartburn badly during the night for the last two evenings. Luckily though last night my heartburn co-incided with needing to pee, so I wasn't getting up more often, but I was waking up more thoroughly each time. My left leg is also aching madly right now. I could really do with Jonathan here to massage it, but I guess I'll have to put up with it!

Last night we went to a breastfeeding workshop. Even though I'd browsed youtube and knew how to latch a baby on to the breast, it was extremely informative, as it went through WHY certain positions were best, why you don't grip the head, why you have baby's chest to yours, etc etc. And also went through health benefits to the baby and mother. We also got a free DVD and booklet thing, also both useful! I think it's going to help me put my own mum's failure to breastfeed out of the way and just help me concentrate on ME and MY baby.

On the way home, we decided to go out for a meal. And thought we'd go to the local indian. I had a jalfrezi, although I didn't manage much of it, but we brought the rest home for me to eat today. Was hoping maybe the spicy food might start things up early for me! ;) We were the only people in the restaurant! hehe. And also it seemed to be the first time they noticed I was pregnant, as I got given a shotglass of something other than Baileys at the end of the meal, I asked what it was, and it was fruitjuices - they made it very pretty with two layers of colour in it! But yeah, 38 weeks and they finally notice! hahaha! Although that may have also been the fact we were the only ones there and probably heard what we were talking about.

I was in stitches a few times - my jalfrezi had whole chilis in it - or ones simply sliced down the center. I decided that I'd eat one, and boy it was hot - had some of my drink to cool down my mouth. Then after I'd finished my drink, I thought I'd eat another one... should have learned! What a mistake that was! I was coughing, sticking my tongue out in an attempt to keep it cool, and had Jonathan call over a waiter quickly to get another diet coke! Haha. I found it hilarious though, but decided to cut up the remaining chilis and spread it throughout the curry. ;) I also ended up dropping my cadbury's chocolate eclair on the floor, spilling a bit of my fruit cocktail shot down my top, and generally being a butter-fingers! Still we had a nice time, and we're not going to get a lot of chance to do that once Robert is here! maybe the odd time if we can persuade some hopefully very proud grandparents to babysit ;)

Oh talking of grandparents, I've had a call from my Dad the other day, and it made me feel much happier about his enthusiasm about being a grandparent again to someone other than Ewan. He wants to come over for an hour or two after Ewan's birthday party to come see him (hopefully he'll be here by then!!). And he also wants to come and stay overnight on Boxing Day.

Anyway, going to leave it here for now, and go and get some breakfast and put my left leg up. Hope you're all doing well xx

38 weeks 2 days - belly pictures!

38 weeks and 2 days! No sign of any movement, but then I'm not *really* expecting anything for some time to come. Would be nice because I am getting uncomfortable what with the heartburn and the feet in ribs no matter what position I get into, and the swollen ankles etc etc. But I don't mind really when he comes, as long as he comes before December 2nd!

The mattress is now protected from amniotic fluid! Haha. And as such it's now very much in Jonathan's mind. He asked me today "Did your waters break during the night?" and then "Any signs of labour yet?" Hehe! I informed him that if such a thing happened he would be first to know and that he shouldn't worry, as it's unlikely that it will happen any time soon anyway!

I'm actually wondering whether I should try and get the midwife to come out to me on the Monday next week or the Wednesday as it then goes into weekly antenatals. Seeing as that date I suddenly got that weird intuition about was next Monday I do wonder... Hehe!

He's still being plenty squirmy. Which is nice, but I really can't wait to meet him!

He's at least 7lbs now! I can't believe it! And judging by his parents' heights he's probably about 21-22 inches long already ;) Ohhhh I can't wait to see him... sweet little boy.... mummy wants to see you soon! And is waiting to give you lots of kisses and cuddles!

Anyway, 38 week belly pictures, normal one in the gallery...

38 weeks!!! New glasses, and shopping in MK for baby bits etc

Ahhh! I have my new glasses! I am so pleased with them! I can seeeeee! People who are more than 10 meters away don't have blurry faces! I can read the TV screen! I am soooo happy and it makes such a difference!

On the other hand, I got quite worried today - while out in Milton Keynes (without notes or hospital bag) I experienced almost non stop braxton hicks! They've calmed down now I'm at home, but it was quite worrying! It made me wonder how I'd feel when I do actually go into labour, and I think I will become very excited when I do go into labour, because it will mean I will meet my little Robert so soon!

Had another one of those left-sided pains as well. I think they must be ligament pains, nothing else they could be really as they're just on one side. But we got lots of nice stuff - as well as getting bits for Robert (sheets for the matress, ermm.. well ok maybe bit), we also got some books for how to look after newborns, a matress protector (initially for me, then later for Robert), some presents for Ewan as it's his birthday soon and then christmas, and also some front opening nighties for me. We spent a fortune as usual.. ho hum!

Oh and we also stopped by that woman's house for the baby clothes and the bouncer/beanbag. We've yet to look through all the clothes, but there's a lot. :)

Anyway, I'll take a belly pic tomorrow, as it's late now and the light isn't good. Take care!

37 weeks 6 days - pain on one side of my uterus, end drawing nearer now

Hi girls: I have a question I could really use your input with, if you know. A few days ago I got a pain on the left hand side of my uterus that felt like it was a muscle pull or something similar. It went away quite quickly, but then last night I got another pain, again on the left hand side of my uterus, and it was very painful! If it had been all over I might have thought it would have been labour, but it wasn't, it was just on the left. Is it ligament pain? I think I've had ligament pain before in this pregnancy but it was never that painful. Anyway as it was bedtime anyway I went and laid down on my left hand side, and started doing some special breathing techniques to try and get rid of the pain, and while I could still feel it, it became a lot more bearable and then eventually went away.

It was quite worrying though, I was half considering phoning up the labour ward to speak to a midwife about it, but then it did go away and didn't come back.

Robert is still nice and active, mainly lots of little wriggles or pokes with his hands or feet. I am just so scared that I could have come all this way with him, and then something happens inexplicably. That something could happen so quickly there'd be nothing I could do about it! But each day I greet his wriggles and pokes with joy, knowing that he's okay. And looking forward to the day I get to meet him. Which could be so soon now! It really does feel like it could be any day, and I am just taking each day as it comes. I am at the moment thinking that he will be nice enough to wait until we can birth him at home, which is TOMORROW! I really don't mind when he comes as long as it's between tomorrow and 2nd December. Although the sooner after tomorrow the better! My poor feet can't take much more of this swelling! Hehe. And I don't really want to get started on the other half of my huge Gaviscon bottle. Oh my precious little boy... I so can't wait to meet him. To stare into his eyes, and cuddle his body close to mine. And to see the pride in his daddy's eyes in the moment we first become parents. I can't believe we've almost made it....

37 weeks 4 days - birthing dreams, getting glasses this weekend

I had the most realistic dream last night. It almost freaked me out when I woke. I was out for a meal with Jonathan, and he decided he wanted to go and get another course (why he didn't ask the waiter I don't know) but at this time I suddenly felt odd. I put my hand "down there" and felt between my legs, and to my horror, I felt the baby crowning! It was a wonderful feeling, but I was in the middle of the restaurant, with my husband about to leave to try and get more food! I called over to Jonathan who came back, and said "I don't think you should get any more food.." Anyway, the next bit sped past, and I was somewhere (where I don't know) laying down. I had been trying to "hold" Robert in. And then as I was laying down, I stopped trying to hold him in, and straight away, his head popped out with ease, followed immediately by the rest of his body. I grabbed him, and hoisted him up onto my belly. It was so surprising at the quickness and ease of it all!

Another bit of my dream involved me once again giving birth, and to my immense surprise, I gave birth to Robert, and then I gave birth to another two babies. (Which initially I thought were both boys, but then later in the dream one of the boys turned into a girl) I then started phoning up family, saying "He's here, Robert's been born!.... and so have his brother and sister!"

I think the dream about Robert crowning in the restaurant is based on a fear I have that I won't know when I'm in labour - that I'll not notice any contractions and I'll give birth before I know it - and probably in some highly inappropriate location. That is one of my biggest fears at the moment. I don't really feel braxton hicks at all, so how will I know when I'm in labour if these braxton hicks are supposed to be practise contractions??

I've been getting a few pains yesterday which made me a little nervous, but they weren't all over, just achy feelings in specific spots around my uterus, one time it was low down, another time it was on the left hand side, another time I felt an achy pain on my back... But that was it really. Nothing "all over", which I'm assuming the real thing feels like? I also can't remember what period pains feel like, it's been so long since I had them. Which is apparently also what you feel when you're in labour.

Beverley is coming around today to drop off the home birthing kit. Only 3 days til I can have my home birth!

Jonathan and I talked at the weekend a bit about how many children we would like. Both of our families have been families of 2 children. Him and his sister, me and my brother. So Jonathan is very much under the impression that a family has 2 children. Now, me.... I don't know really how many I want - all I know is that I'd want at least 2, so Robert has a brother or sister. But I'm open to the idea of more than 2, and want Jonathan to be as well, depending on how we feel once we have our second child. What I'm a little concerned about is what we would do, if, when that time comes, Jonathan decides he definitely doesn't want more children, and I decide I definitely do.. or vice versa although I think that way round is most likely. I think at the moment it will have to be a "cross that bridge when we come to it" kind of way of thinking. Try not to worry about the what ifs and wherefores if we don't know what we both will think.

Oh! Good news! J and I are going to go and get our eyes tested and get some glasses! Well, J already has had his eyes tested, he did it yesterday lunchtime. But he's got his prescription now, and said we should go over and get my eyes tested and then some glasses. I'm so pleased! My eyes are just terrible these days. At the parentcraft information evening (oh - a waste of time by the way - sigh), there was a sign up. I could tell the letters were big, but it was done in a thin red marker on white, and they were so very hard for me to read, I was maybe 10 meters away if that and I couldn't read what it said. Jonathan who was in a seat next to me but furthur from it whispered "you seriously can't read that?" and I said "well, my eyes ARE very bad... no I can't read it, why would I ask you to read it out to me if I could?"

Anyway I was curious as to see when I stopped wearing glasses, and I looked through Jonathan's old photography page on his website. I was wearing them when I met him in 2001, I was wearing them that Christmas, then at New Years, but by the next set of photographs, I wasn't. So I stopped wearing my glasses in January 2002. Which is almost 7 years ago. Although my eyes have only been bad for a fraction of that time, I guess they just degraded over time. But about time! Can't wait to get some glasses and read better! (And not have people's faces all blurry if they're more than 20 meters away!)

37 weeks 3 days - sooooo pregnant, tmi bodily functions, parentcraft class tonight

Oooof. I just feel so pregnant. I have lost count of the amount of times I went to the toilet between going to bed last night and getting up this morning. And each time I got back into bed I felt like such a beached whale trying to turn over one way or other to get comfy. My belly is HUGE. I was almost considering taking an early belly picture yesterday. When you look dead on to my belly now it LOOKS pregnant, rather than just a load of flab. I have that pregnant belly button look. The one where it's not popping out (yet), but it's almost flush with the rest of my belly. And boy... has he got lower! I'm sure he has! And yet at the same time his feet have not! He must be growing for Britain in there for his feet to stay the same place and yet move down. Another thing thats making me think he's gone and moved is the fact that I must have peed about 6 times during the night last night. More pressure on the bladder and all that.

He has still been a wriggly chappy. Which I'm very pleased about. Last night he kicked me in the ribs, hard enough for me to cry out. But I don't mind too much. :) I'm still loving his movements, as they are such a wonderful source of reassurance and joy for me :) Even if he's quiet and I feel him move only slightly at various points during the day, I often find myself wondering if he's still ok, or if I imagined the movements. I've not been keeping track of them on a day to day basis really. That might be something I do with the next baby so I can see if I can spot patterns.

TMI of the bodily function variety in this paragraph
Some things I've noticed lately that I've not mentioned in here, is that the last week or two I've been quite sniffly and snotty. And coughy. Not really in a fullblown cold type way, but if something makes me cough, I can hardly stop and it's just sooo painful. Well, quite painful and annoying. And (sorry for TMI) I'm very very mucussy from my nose. Some mornings I'll blow my nose and the amount and the consistency of it is just... weird. The consistency being stringy and almost unbreakable. Now also, maybe it's related to my sort-of-cold-like-symptoms, or maybe it's pregnancy related, I don't know, but my bowel movements are softer than usual as well. Not always VERY soft, but soft enough to *ahem sorry* come easily, and then smear. (Sorry! I just want this on record for next pregnancy! Haha!) My poos have changed consistency a LOT during the pregnancy. At one point they became almost like larger rabbit droppings that floated. That lasted a long time, practically all the way through second trimester and a bit into third. Now they're back to normal length and consistency (aka they don't float) but are soft. Anyway enough about poo and snot! Haha. Ahhh the pleasantries of pregnancy!
TMI over

Right. Well tonight we have a class at the local hospital - I think it's the parentcraft evening. I'll also phone up the lady who had the baby clothes and the baby bouncer and beanbag, to see if she still has them, and if tonight will be a good time for us to come and get them. If not I can say we'll go this weekend.

I cannot believe I will be 38 weeks pregnant this Saturday. Where has the time flown to? I cannot believe that I will soon be holding my precious baby boy. I sometimes ache so much for him to be here. But then I also think "well, at least the longer he's in there, the longer we have to be us two, and get everything we need to do done." My life will so suddenly become full and busy, I don't know if I'm properly prepared for that. But in the same way it's something I've been waiting for for a long time, for my life to be full and busy.

Anyway, I need to go now, put on my support tights before my feet swell too much. And then get busy phoning the woman, phoning the surgery (need to get next week's antenatal appointment set up), doing the washing up, repacking Robert's hospital bag, etc etc :)

37 weeks 2 days - thoughts on more pregnancies, sorting out Robert's clothes

Last night I decided to go through all the clothes we have for Robert, take them out of their packaging and sort them all ready. After I'd finished with the newborn things we'd bought him yesterday, I went through a pack of 0-3 month sleepsuits we had left out (not packed in his hospital bag) and I can't believe how HUGE they are. Poor little thing, he'll be swamped in them when he's born! (Unless he's a 10lb-er like his daddy was) As I was taking out and looking at these tiny little bodysuits and sleepsuits, and hats and socks and mitts, I just melted and all the scared feelings I have been feeling about how close it is just went away. I held up teeny tiny sleepsuits against my tummy, marvelling at how something that big could be in there. I still can hardly believe that this thing I feel prodding and pummeling and squirming around will be so big when he is born. I guess part of it is so hard to believe because I'm overweight, and a large amount of my expanding tummy is actually hidden inside me, whereas on a slimmer expectant mum it would be all out front, a huuuuuge tummy where you can easily imagine there's a newborn sized baby in there.

I am so excited and happy to think that Robert will soon be with us. Yesterday he has been so wriggly and pokey it's been lovely. And he's the same so far this morning. I am loving his movements, small yet definite and strong. Sometimes I think to myself that I won't miss pregnancy, that it's something I will go through again to have a brother or sister for Robert, because although my pregnancy has been uncomplicated, it's had its fair share of niggles and annoyances. Although maybe by the time I get pregnant with a little brother or sister for Robert, I will have lost some weight and I won't have the extra pressure of being overweight. But I am so happy that I have managed to experience this, that it is something I am able to do, that both me and my husband are fertile! And even if I won't miss the heartburn, swelling, aches, pelvic pain, etc.. I will so miss the squirmy kicks. I'm sitting here now, feeling his hands and arms brush around inside me and I just ache for him to be in my arms, to have his little fingers wrapped around one of mine. But if my intuition is correct, I still have another 2 weeks before that will happen!

Pregnancy is definitely beginning to get harder. I may try and wear the support tights most days, they did a fabulous job with controlling the swelling on Saturday. Yesterday I ended up with bad swelling again, and Jonathan came in and gave my feet a massage without me even asking him! It felt so good and lovely. :) Sleeping is getting harder again. I don't know if all the walking on Saturday brought on mild pelvic pain again, but between a slight twinge when I try and turn, and get up from sitting/laying, sleeping is getting hard again. That and the feeling that my belly is getting bigger by the day, and the feeling that Robert is becoming more engaged, I just feel so huge and ungainly. Walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night, if it was recorded, could be a highly paid clip on "You've Been Framed" if I didn't sleep in the buff! Haha.

Right, I will leave off here I think. Thanks for reading! xxx

37 weeks 1 day - Uneventful trip (phew), weird intuition on Robert's birth-date, getting ready!

Well the trip to Thorpe Park went nice and uneventfully. It rained a LOT while we were there, although not until a bit into the afternoon. I queued up with everyone for the Nemesis Inferno, and then just walked through and waited on the other side. I couldn't even go on the Teacups ride! But got a bit of time to talk to people I'd never met in real life before, which was great. :) We did end up going home around 4pm, after waiting around for an hour after getting separated from what was left of the group (who were actually in a queue for 2 hours! Ouchie), which was a bit of an anti-climax to the day but overall I did enjoy it. :)

Today we went into Northampton to go and buy some newborn clothes for Robert. Going through the ones we had I realised all we did have for him were 0-3 months except for 2 little body suits and his snowsuit (which we also went to exchange for one in 0-3 months so it would last him all through winter). We also got some bath bits for him, a little rattly toy and a water-pad toy thing he can slap with his hands.

I am suddenly feeling as though his arrival has loomed upon us all of a sudden, now it's November, I feel he could really arrive any day, and that thought is a little scary! But exciting!

Something I found a little weird and unnerving today was when we were in the car, driving to mothercare, I heard on the radio someone advertising the release of an album or something. The date of the release being 17th November. For some reason, I heard this date and just instantly thought in my mind "That'll be Robert's birthday!" Which was so odd - has anyone else had feelings like that before? That their baby will be born on a particular day? It was just such an immediate and intuitional feeling it caught me by surprise!

Anyway, we're all nearly ready entirely for his arrival, still need to finish up in the spare bedroom, but we're getting there, it's nearly all cleared out. We just have a few boxes left, and a few piles of things that need to be sorted out and boxed up. And another bookcase to be made.

Anyway, congratulations to Becca! Her baby boy James was born yesterday morning, and I'm sure her big boy Matthew will be an excellent brother! So thrilled for you Becca, congratulations!

37 weeks pregnant! - Thorpe Park trip today - anticipation!

This is going to be a super quick entry, because I have to leave the house in 14 minutes! And still have a few things to pack in my bag for the day. Today is Thorpe Park day, I've got my support tights on (right way round eventually), hospital bags are packed (one for Robert, one for me), and I can say I think we are adequately prepared for an arrival so that he will decide it won't be disruptive enough to actually arrive today, and stay put! ;)

I was beginning to wonder if I'd actually be able to go, because yesterday I was having weird achy/twingy feelings on my left hand side - on the side of my bump, and around on my lower back. A warm shower got rid of them once, but then they came back later. But they went away properly before we went out for dinner last night.

I am officially full term today! 37 weeks! Which means if Robert DOES decide to come today, and we end up going to a London hospital to give birth, I should be able to ask if they have a birthing pool and use it! We also have a Birth Pool in a Box on order for home (our living room is *just* big enough to have it inflated and a half meter all around it for moving room)

I can also say "OMG I'm having my baby this month!" ! I was laying in bed last night thinking how the more physically prepared we are in our home to have little Robert here with us, it seems the more emotionally UNprepared I feel. As excited as I am to have him here with us, I feel anxious about what to do once he IS here. Although this is probably just anticipation nerves now I know his arrival is so imminent. I can't wait to meet my tiny boy, yet I probably do still have some underlying fears that I won't be able to cope. I'm sure this won't be the case, I will have Jonathan with me the first two weeks after he's born, my Mum with us for the week after, and then after new years, I will have a day (a week?) with the in-laws. I'm incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful support system in place for when he's born already!

Anyway, it's now 8.15 and I need to go finish getting everything packed up for the day - water, fruit snacks, camera etc...

Oh - and Becca is in labour! Wooooo! Can't wait for her birth announcement!!!!