34 weeks 5 days - sweet morning kisses

This entry is for the memory banks, because it is something that I don't wish to be lost in time. Every morning, Jonathan goes and gets Robert when he wakes, and brings him into bed with us.

Robert loves his morning milky, and immediately he's placed on the bed, he scoots up the bed to me, pulls the covers down, and settles himself in between us, snuggled closely into my body, his little hand resting on me and his head gently on my arm. He nurses for a long time in the mornings. And carries on coming on and off for the hour (!) we usually spend upstairs waking up together.

This morning, he snuggled up to me as usual, and after 10-15 minutes, hearing Daddy start to snore again lightly, he lifted his head up, said "Dada?" and when Jonathan replied, he lifted himself up, moved over to Jonathan, said "Dada" again, and kissed him :) Then he looked at me, said "Mama", kissed me, and settled back down for more milky.

It was such a precious moment, one that I will treasure forever. I love our morning ritual, our cuddles all three of us in bed, the soft tender look in his face as he nurses. He is so relaxed and happy in bed with us in the morning, and I love our gentle and loving start to the day. I love that he so obviously loves us, and enjoys his closeness with us.

He is such a loving, affectionate boy, but also playful, cheeky, and so so independant and curious! He loves new games, and finds great hilarity in some of them, his face lights up as he beams, laughs loudly, and does it again :)

His grandad (Jonathan's dad) often teaches him new games, and his new one is seeing a closed fist, he will blow on it, and expects the hand (or just the thumb) to pop out or open. :) He finds it absolutely hilarious when it does and blows on our hands in quick succession to make it happen again! He also is fascinated by "magic" tricks. Obviously very simple tricks, such as passing objects from one hand to the other, or hiding an object somewhere without him seeing it, the look of surprise on his face when it's not where he expects it to be is so funny, as is the look of absolute glee when he does find it! Sometimes he's not so easily fooled, and knows where it's gone, in which occasions, his laugh of glee is that much louder. :)

Robert, while he is such a placid boy, he is getting his tantrummy moments, although they're never *very* bad. I've yet to see him throw himself down on the floor and pound it with his fists or the like. He's also discovered "no", and uses it very often during the day whenever he's asked to do something he doesn't want to do!

He's also got a very strong liking for "eeeee-ee" now, and goes up to the bookshelf, picks up the TV remote and looks at me saying "eeee-ee" whenever he wants it on. He wants it on a lot. I try to keep it turned off in the morning for several hours, but I must admit I do find it a useful tool if I need to get any jobs done, he is usually happy intermittantly watching TV and playing with his toys, although occasionally I will hear a loud "MAMA??" as he wonders where I am! He seems to love "Show me show me" on Cbeebies with Chris and Poi, and he likes "Our Planet" as he's very into animals and will often make the sounds of the animals as they come up on the screen or say their names. He finds Waybaloo hilarious now, and often yells "GOGO!" when the chimes start playing, signalling the start of "yogo", and bursts into fits of laughter when the Piplings float about in the opening and closing credits :) It's nice when we go to groups, or have the in-laws around, because those days his TV watching is much more limited. It seems easier to keep Robert entertained with different people around him, or in a different setting, and he never misses "eeee-ee" in these situations.

I do find it absolutely astonishing and amazing what a little boy he has become, he is definitely no longer a baby, and hasn't been for a long time now, but rather a very independant-minded cheeky funloving boy who still cherishes his snuggle times with Mama :) I find myself cherishing every snuggle, like I just want to stay in that moment forever. Drinking in every grin, and holding on to every word and precious sound I know he uses to mean something specific. I adore the night time cuddles he gives us before he goes to bed, where he lays his head down on our chest, and his sweet kisses which are still open mouthed but getting less so as time goes on. I will miss his sweet open mouthed kisses when they go! I am clinging onto every single piece of "babyhood" that Robert has left, because before long they will all disappear! But I'm sure I shall enjoy his new "big boy" stage just as much, and his little brother or sister will be around to pick up the "babyhood" when he lets it go!

34 weeks 2 days - preparations

How crazy is it that it seems almost every time I update here the weeks seem to be one higher than the one before? The time is going so quickly. I thought it would drag once I got the diabetes diagnosis, but actually, it seems to have sped up. Especially since my consultant appointment!

The fact that they want to induce me at 38 weeks... something I have decided I would be happy with given the right circumstances "down there"... is making everything whoosh by in a blink of an eye. Not long til it's September, the most likely month of my baby's birth. I still can't believe it, that I might be having a baby NEXT MONTH when I had it in my head all along that it would be October.

I don't know what day they would want to do it, but if it is the date I am 38 weeks exactly it will be 23rd September. That is less than ONE month away. In fact it is 3 weeks 5 days away. I am scared, yet excited. There is so much to do, and one of those is sorting out the baby's sleeping arrangements. Of course in our room with us, but we have no moses basket (didn't have one with R, he went straight into the cotbed), and no other bed for R, so we went shopping today. Mainly window shopping, planning on buying a toddler bed for him, but in the end decided to buy a cot (not a cotbed) for Squidge, and we will convert his cotbed into the bed setting soon. We also needed more bedding and sheets, so bought those, and we'll be buying the cot on the internet.

Then we will be cleaning and tidying and packing away like CRAZY upstairs - lots of things to tidy out of reach for when Robert goes into his bed as he'll have free reign of everything in his room then! Going up in the loft etc to put things up and bring things down. It'll all be done hopefully before the baby is born but of course some things need to be prioritised!

Squidge is still somewhat of a wriggler. No big kicks as such anymore, but plenty of wriggles and "getting comfy" motions. I do find myself wondering what Squidge will look like, whether Squidge is a boy or a girl, what we'll call him if it's a boy, whether we'll keep our minds the same if it's a girl, how much hair, how the birth will go, how quickly I'll fall headfirst in love (unfortunately it took a while with Robert due to all those issues surrounding his birth). I also look forward to what the next 4 weeks bring. If my late pregnancy niggles will be as bad or not (weird thing to look forward to I guess, but maybe it's because so far they haven't been as bad??!!)

Also looking forward to all the rolling sweeping rippling movements on my belly, watching it bubble up and down. :) Less than 4 weeks. WOW. I really can't comprehend it!

33 weeks 3 days - update, diabetes consultant.

I saw the diabetes consultant on Wednesday (at 32 weeks 6 days). Due to my diabetes, they want to induce me 2 weeks early at 38 weeks. Having had a few days to process this, I am reluctant to say yes if my cervix is not ready, but if it is ready I will most likely accept induction. They are happy to leave it to 40 weeks if I have twice-weekly monitoring but do not want my pregnancy to last any longer. I know I can refuse induction if I want to even then, but for now, I want to wait and see what happens.

I have an appointment on the 1st September again with the diabetes consultant, and as far as I am aware, I am going to get an internal on that date for them to assess my cervix. I will be 34 weeks 6 days pregnant then.

I am also expecting a growth scan date to come through the post for when I am around 36 weeks pregnant.

I am seeing Beverley (my midwife) again on the 6th September, so hopefully that won't clash with my scan.

I am thinking that I will accept induction if my cervix is getting ready. And I am actually getting quite eager about meeting my little baby, so I am going to try some home remedies to get it ready, so I am going to buy some raspberry leaf tea on Tuesday, going to try and get a birthing ball, extra walking, and so on. Not actually necessarily the labour inducing stuff, but the things that would help soften and shorten my cervix.

I will be 38 weeks pregnant on the 23rd September. I don't know if they would induce me bang on 38 weeks, but I think if I was... providing I'm ready... wow, my two children could both be born on the 23rd of the month! Robert would be exactly 22 months old if Squidge is born on 23rd September. I feel quite gobsmacked thinking that I could be giving birth a MONTH from tomorrow. When I found out I was pregnant, and due on 7th October, it never once crossed my mind that my baby could be a September baby. Robert came bang on time, but there was always the feeling that Squidge would be late.

I will be offered a sweep at 37 weeks, which would be my preferred method of induction if it works alone.

A week ago I felt a little depressed, and annoyed whenever anyone said to me "not long to go now" - for the record, I am NEVER saying that to a pregnant woman ever again unless she is in labour!!! Even if they only have 1 week to go, or a few days to go, or overdue! I now am feeling quite upbeat. I think the knowledge that if I want to I will be induced at 38 weeks has made a world of difference. It's like I know that if I get really fed up or in pain, or whatever, and I do just think "lets get the baby out" I will be able to at 38 weeks, and in fact they WANT me to. Even though at the moment I want to say no unless I am ready, if I change my mind I know my option is there, and that is just a nice comforting feeling I know from a completely selfish point of view but there we go!

Anyway so that's my situation!!

This weekend we went to Kent to see my family. I saw my brother and sister-in-law with my nephew Ewan as well which was lovely. The two boys got on better together than they did in November, but there were some sharing issues lol. Squidge and I got a lot of attention, particularly today at my Dad's party with a lot of people around. The boys got a lot of attention too, and there were so many people around it was hard to stay with Robert all the time, but there were always people around to stop anything from happening, and my step-mum's three nieces and nephews who are 13 and 14 were eager to play with both boys and keep them entertained, so I felt ok to sit and relax a bit.

Robert has had a bit of trouble with his routine this weekend with regards to nap and sleep, which resulted in a VERY grumpy and tearful little boy on Saturday night, who cried when he had to say goodbye to his Nanna, and who cried when he saw his other grandad and grandma, didn't want his teeth brushed, or his story read, or even milky, and just wanted to play with cars and threw a major tantrum and even when we put him to bed, we could hear him sobbing and calling out "car car!" He finally fell asleep but then he woke up half an hour earlier than normal the next morning, and getting him down for a nap at the normalish time (in an attempt to get his routine back on track) was a pain! But he slept then for a good amount of time, and once he was in the bath tonight before we set out for home, he was fine (although being persuaded to part from his teenage entertainers and supply of toy cars was a challenge!), and he fell asleep in the car home, and stayed sleepy after waking up when we arrived home, so he's fast asleep in his cot so here's hoping for a return to routine and a nice long sleep tonight!

Squidge is still nice and active, I get mainly wriggles and feet/elbows/hands brushing about, less kicks but when I do get a kick, they sometimes take my breath away and HURT! I love laying down and seeing Squidge wriggle about in there. I find it very comforting, and each day that passes my love and eagerness to meet Squidge grows.

There is always the feeling I think when you become pregnant with your second child, about how much you will be able to love them, how could you ever love your second child like you love your first. As the days and weeks go by, I just KNOW I will fall in love the second I see Squidge. I can't wait to call Squidge by his/her name (Boy's name STILL not decided, it probably won't be Christopher anymore but I really don't know!!!). I still have the feeling that Squidge is a girl, but tonight when I was making some tea, I don't know why but I suddenly imagined Squidge here, as a boy, and thinking "wow, a mum of 2 boys!" and that thought left a warm soft feeling inside me like I just know that even if Squidge isn't a girl like my instincts are telling me, that I will love my two boys so much, I will love BEING a mum to two boys! And strangely enough it felt at that moment "more right" if Squidge is a boy. Such an odd odd feeling but I just know that everything will be alright. My little Squidge... maybe connecting to the idea of having a boy will make it easier to find a name I like for a boy.

For now... we shall wait and see. I might only have another 4 weeks and 4 days to go of this pregnancy! It seems like such a short time now, and it really won't be long before I am beginning my next chapter, as a mum of TWO children!

32 weeks 5 days - why is it...?

Why is it I look at people's newborn baby photos, and want to cry? I ache to be the one holding the baby in the photograph, to be looking down in awe and amazement at the tiny baby in my arms, the look of love so clear on my face for all to see.

I ache to feel the warmth of my tiny baby on my chest, to hold their little hand and marvel at how tiny it is compared to their big brother's hand! I ache to run my finger over my tiny baby's cheek and feel the surge of love as my finger gets latched onto! I ache for my own babymoon. I ache to see Robert's face as he first sees his tiny baby brother or sister. I ache so much writing all this down that my chest actually hurts, and the tears well up in my eyes.

I know that my baby would be in special/intensive care if s/he was to be born now. I don't want the baby to be born NOW. But I do want to see him/her soon. I know that in the long term, 2 months IS soon. But when you are pregnant, two months seem like an eternity. Even though this pregnancy has gone fast, I think "how can I ever be 32 weeks already?" I also think that it was a long time ago I was sat on the edge of my bath tub, shaking as I saw the second line slowly appearing on that test. And I think how much these next few weeks will most likely drag. And get more uncomfortable.

I so do not want to moan here, I feel so lucky that I am having another baby, and my heart fills with joy at the thought of meeting them, and bringing them home to join our family. And I know however uncomfortable I will get, each sleepless night and each groan as I attempt to get off the sofa, and each foot digging painfully into my ribs or poking right out of the side of my belly will all be worth it, for the many years of joy I will get in return. I moaned a lot with Robert. Boy did I moan. Please comment, and tell me off if I do here again! And remind me of the end result. :)

Many thanks in advance!!

32 weeks 1 day - no illusions

I had my midwife appointment on Monday, the day after my last proper post. As well as all the usual checks (coming out fine as usual) we talked about my upcoming consultant appointment on the 18th with the diabetes consultant.

I decided on Monday morning I think to do a little research into how labour is different for diabetic women, and therefore what the diabetes consultant may say to me. I am under no illusions that I will have a hospital birth strongly recommended (lol) to me, but also I have read about other things.

Some background (just to hopefully make things a little easier to understand). Blood sugar levels can be affected not only by what you eat, but also how much exercise you do, as the more exercise, the more your body burns the easily accessible sugar for fuel. Given that labour is an intense form of exercise, blood glucose levels should be monitored carefully throughout labour to ensure that not only do they get too high, but also that they don't get too low, as that can cause faintness, dizziness, and other problems.

For this reason most diabetic women are put on a drip throughout labour to monitor their sugar levels and to administer insulin/glucose as necessary. Of course if you go on the drip you need to be in hospital.

However it is possible to do without the drip, by making sure that blood sugar levels are tested regularly throughout labour and measures taken to even it out. Fast acting insulin in the case of too high sugar levels, or a glass of orange juice to quickly raise sugar levels.

Having not seen the consultant yet, my initial thoughts are that I want to avoid the drip... I have read that it can in some cases give the incorrect doses out and unnecessarily raise glucose levels too much meaning that your baby when it's born does in fact have elevated blood sugar levels which can lead to a crash when the cord is cut. I have been thinking a lot about things, and as if you have been reading my blog for a while will probably appreciate that this decision hasn't come lightly, but I am thinking that I will more likely than not have a hospital birth this time. With the extra risks that come to the baby from me having diabetes, the chance of needing special care is higher than if I didn't. While I do think that it must be lovely having a home birth where everything goes right, and you get to curl up in your own bed afterwards, have a bath in your own home, be in comfortable and familiar surroundings, eat whatever you want as your next meal after the baby's born... the thought of that being reality is so far away for me. I thought I'd get it with Robert, and I didn't. The fact that I am diabetic this time and the higher likelihood for treatment and complications is making me doubt that home is the right place this time round. For me, I think that if anything did mean that my baby needs special care, it will be less traumatic if I was already in hospital, than what happened with Robert.

Over the weekend I will be compiling a list of questions to ask the consultant. I am confident that this one will be a lot more useful than the previous one with the general consultant I saw a few weeks back. I will also be jotting down ideas for my birth plan as I'm fairly certain that it will be handy to get my wishes straight in my own head, but this may well be something to think about after my appointment on Wednesday.

Something else I will be doing with regards to the birth, is pre-expressing milk for the baby. I have read that with diabetic mothers, if the baby does not feed well after the birth, they are pushed into giving the baby formula, something I do also want to avoid this time round. I probably won't be expressing any until at least 35 weeks, and I probably will wait til 37 weeks to be sure the milk is as appropriate as possible. I don't know how well that will go, I had a great deal of trouble expressing milk for Robert when he was born, I managed barely 2ml of changing milk let alone colostrum, so I'm hoping that pre-expressing will go ok.

I do wonder if I will be offered an early induction. I suspect this will only be the case if I am scanned and baby is measuring big, and maybe not even then as I have given birth to a 10lb baby so we will see. But I am wondering if I would accept an early induction. That's a bridge to cross when/if I come to it I guess.

Anyway, I took a new belly photo yesterday. Here it is, along with comparison with Robert's same gestation picture!

Squidge


Robert

Squidge's Ultrasound Gallery

Long time overdue but here are Squidge's scan pictures all in one place!

First scan was at 11 weeks gestation. There really was a baby in there!





Second scan was at 21 weeks 1 day gestation. We decided not to find out Squidge's sex, although I saw something at the beginning that could have been boy (or the cord!) and saw something at the end which could have been girl (or just erm.. my imagination!)



Facing head on to the scanner as if to say "what's that??!!" hehe!



Squidge's little foot :)



Facing away from us "leave me along I want to sleep!"




Flipped upside down here! The last one was the best profile shot we got so I'm a little disappointed!

Third scan was at 36 weeks, for growth. Baby weighed in at 6lb 12oz which was on around the 97th centile for that gestation, but not above 100 thank goodness lol. Anyway we got a cute profile pic finally :D Luckily the sonographer got a pic first of all because after checking the tummy and leg measurements, she went back up to the face and Squidge had gone all shy and was covering his/her face with an arm! Hehe!

31 weeks 3 days - HORMONES! Arghh!

Well yesterday saw another BLIP in the old hormones level. I had a horrendous night's sleep which didn't help, due to newly acquired suspected thrush! First time having it, boy this baby doesn't like to give me an easy time of it! Now, despite the heartburn, swollen ankles, SPD, I am thinking what an EASY time I had of it with Robert!!! Well last night's sleep wasn't all to do with thrush, part of it was due to Jonathan. I was already awake-ish when he came to bed, due to suspected thrush, then he woke me up more... then he fell asleep and started SNORING arghhhh! Then Squidge decided that was a good time to wake up and start playing football and gymnastics with my insides. So I had sleep from 8pm (went to bed early as I was sooo tired with no nap!!) til 11pm, then I was awake from 11pm til 3.30am-ish. I was NOT impressed when I looked at the time!! Went downstairs to get away from the freight train next to me, and despite loud ticking clock I managed to get to sleep, until I was woken up at 5am when Robert started crying. Went back upstairs, climbed into bed next to the quieter train (due to also being woken up by little mister), and promptly fell asleep until proper waking up time at 7ish.

So yes, not a brilliant night's sleep, but probably better than some I have tolerated in the past!! But having been tired before hand anyway I really could have done with the 8pm-7am unbroken sleep that I was aiming for!!! So yesterday I was a bag of tiredness, itchiness, painfulness, and generally fed up to my hind teethedness, and at one point was curled up on the bed with J and R downstairs, crying into a nightie with such emotional pain that it made me draw my knees up as high as Squidge would allow. Jonathan came up after a while as I was going into the bathroom for some tissue, and seemed horrified and worried to see me in such a state.

While I was on the bed I did feel like just BAWLING as loud as I could but didn't want to because of Robert downstairs. I only remember one other time feeling that intensely, strangely enough it wasn't around Robert's birth, the tears came easier and quieter somehow then. It was when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me over the phone, in the middle of my teenage depression, while I was in school. Everyone was in lessons, I skipped my double maths lesson and just walked around the school field bawling my head off, not caring about how loud I was because there was no-one else around.

But anyway, yesterday. I went and hugged Jonathan as best I could with banister in the way and bump, and he did the sweetest thing he knew what to do. "Do you want a cup of tea?" I think I might have laughed at that point, he knows me too well to know that sometimes there are no words he can say, no real comfort he can bestow on me at that moment in time, sometimes all I need is to get back to normality and know that he cares, and that's his way of showing it. So he told me to come downstairs, and that he'd make me a cup of tea. I still felt like any moment fresh tears would erupt but the "bawly" moment had passed. Robert was getting on with playing with his cars on the carpet (MUST get him a road mat!!).

The afternoon went well, and I got a decent amount of sleep last night, so despite itchiness, fed-up-ness regarding all over the place blood sugar readings etc, I felt less tired and a lot less grumpy!

Something that seems stronger in a good way lately is the ferociousness of my love towards Robert. I look at him so often during the day, just look at his sweet face, and my heart fills up with love and I just think to myself "I LOVE this boy so much!" He is really no trouble at all, he is such a good sweet boy, who is showing more thoughtfulness and cheekiness and lovely scrumminess each day! Today I almost burst into happy tears when we got ready to go out (to toys r us, to buy him a sandpit!) and we told him we were going out, so he stood up, grabbed his big yellow monster truck (first thought: he was going to ignore us and carry on playing!) and went and put it in his car box! Then went and found some more cars, and put those in his box! We hadn't asked him to put his toys away but he just did it, went around and found all the cars on the floor, and put them away! (he missed one on his table which we took with us for him to play with in the car) I was so proud I can barely describe it!

When my dad called earlier this evening, Robert was still up, so after talking to him, I asked him if he wanted to talk to Robert, and well he can be shy on the phone! If asked to say hello or goodbye he simply waves and doesn't say anything! So I suggested to my dad that he ask him some animal noises. Robert can't resist making animal noises when someone asks him! So that way they get to hear him on the phone and he gets to hear them. Another good way to get him to talk on the phone is ask him to repeat words he knows. Car is a good one "Gar!!", as is zebra and tractor (pronounced breh-bra and braah-bra respectively! Very similar sounding! Both with very elongated R sounds in both parts!) Tiger is "Gie-gah!", banana is "nya-na". Another funny one is garlic, which he pronounced "Gar-yar" or occasionally "gar-lar" (he's seen me sat peeling garlic before which is how he's picked that up!)

He does do his best bless him and it's so sweet hearing his little words with his limited sound abilities. I'm pretty sure he's getting the hang of a very select few 2 word "sentences". One, mostly by habit, we ask him to repeat it, as he has a big blue car upstairs that he plays with in the morning, being "woo gar" (blue car), and the other which seemed to come entirely spontaneously today was "dada car" (daddy's car)

Something that melts my heart is the way now if he is still awake when Jonathan gets home, he hears the door open and close, stops what he is doing, looks at me with a questioning look, and says "dada?" at which point I can't help but laugh and say "yes, daddy's here, he's coming up the stairs!" and if he's in the bath he will sit and stare at the door until Jonathan pokes his head around, at which point he grins and says "Dada!", or if he is on the bed with me reading, or in the middle of pre-bed milky, he will climb off, run to the stair gate, and yell "DADA!" as he watches Jonathan comes upstairs. :) It must really make Jonathan's day coming home to that :) Robert loves his daddy so much! Apparently yesterday while I was catching up on sleep Jonathan took Robert out, and during their trip out apparently Robert seemed to miss me and ask "mama?" which is so sweet :) But then he says "mamam" for satsuma as well so maybe he was hungry and wanting some fruit haha!

I love my little boy so much :)

30 weeks 5 days - blip

Well, it seems that day I posted about last was a blip. I haven't felt even remotely as bad since I woke up the next morning, so I guess it was the whole situation with that person (still not resolved, but I couldn't care less anymore - I'm letting her be as immature and petty as she wants, I've made it more than obvious I am here to talk to so if she wants to grow up she knows where I am), and the antibiotics. I think if I will be off them by tomorrow lunchtime. So hopefully that'll clear up the infection. I'll ask Beverley to send off my urine sample when I see her next week just to make sure.

Squidge has been doing fewer somersaults and big body movements lately. Which I'm thinking is one of two reasons - another growth spurt, or just getting too big to make such movements anymore. I am no longer feeling that sicky knot in the pit of my stomach when I think forward to October, but in fact looking forward to it as I should be, and seeing photos of squishy newborns snuggled up on their mothers chests just make me melt into a big puddle of goo and makes me so eager to have the same again!

Robert is still breastfeeding. I thought he would have self weaned by now, but he picked back up with a vengeance about a week after his minimal interest, and this morning he was snuggled up to me on the bed for at least 20 minutes (on and off, he likes to see if the other one tastes any different!!), and the sight of him so content and peaceful, snuggling up to mummy like that makes my heart melt. :) He never breastfeeds to sleep anymore, the nighttime milky is simply cuddle time, wind down time and routine I suppose. And he'll pull off and sign "bed" when he's ready to go to sleep :) I really should try and get photos of him signing, it is quite sweet. The words he signs (and makes no attempt to say) are more, milk, drink, sleep, finished.

Anyway, I should probably post here about the diabetes. I am injecting insulin once daily for breakfast, and getting used to it slowly. I have to squirt out some before each injection like you see in the hospital dramas etc, and the stuff stinks :( Then I have to remember to prick my finger an hour after meals as well. With my tiredness lately it makes the lunchtime blood sugar reading tricky as I have to time Robert's nap and me eating so that he goes down for a nap an hour after I've had lunch so I can do my blood sugar level then go and have a nap with him immediately.

My morning levels are still high despite the insulin, so having been introduced to a diabetes forum dedicated to low-carbing I think this might be the way to go. I was planning on doing so anyway after the baby was born to try and lose the weight I need to to get to a healthy weight, but since finding out I've got diabetes, and the fact that my morning sugar levels are hard to control, I think I will ease into low carbing (which basically removes bread, potatoes and pasta/rice from my diet along with unnecessary sugars, I'm not going extreme low carbing and removing all forms of sugar/carbs from my diet, so I am keeping all fruit and veg in). I am going to start with breakfast, try and start eating low carb breakfasts to sort out my levels, and ease into low carbs with other meals by cutting down on bread/potatoes etc. So this weekly shop will include a big box of eggs, meats, vegetables and salads. :) Hopefully I'll feel less lethargic and maybe after the baby's born if I can get everything under check I will lose lots of weight, so be physically able to be more energetic to deal with two small children. I am feeling very positive to be able to lose weight once the baby is born, I don't know how much I weigh at the moment... hmm let me see.. 215lbs clothed... which is... 15 stone 5lb! Not bad at all actually!!! Seeing as I was 14 stone when I got pregnant! And I was 15 stone 11 lb at 21 weeks with Robert!!! Assuming I put on another stone before the baby's born (which is a generous over-estimate, here's hoping I only get to 16 stone!)... which once the baby's born I may well be back down to 15 stone with baby weight, waters/placenta.... which will leave me just 3 stone to lose to get to my 12 stone 1 year post partum goal! And then another year to get to my ideal goal of 10 stone.

Well, what a great positiveness to end this post on. :)