Why is it I look at people's newborn baby photos, and want to cry? I ache to be the one holding the baby in the photograph, to be looking down in awe and amazement at the tiny baby in my arms, the look of love so clear on my face for all to see.
I ache to feel the warmth of my tiny baby on my chest, to hold their little hand and marvel at how tiny it is compared to their big brother's hand! I ache to run my finger over my tiny baby's cheek and feel the surge of love as my finger gets latched onto! I ache for my own babymoon. I ache to see Robert's face as he first sees his tiny baby brother or sister. I ache so much writing all this down that my chest actually hurts, and the tears well up in my eyes.
I know that my baby would be in special/intensive care if s/he was to be born now. I don't want the baby to be born NOW. But I do want to see him/her soon. I know that in the long term, 2 months IS soon. But when you are pregnant, two months seem like an eternity. Even though this pregnancy has gone fast, I think "how can I ever be 32 weeks already?" I also think that it was a long time ago I was sat on the edge of my bath tub, shaking as I saw the second line slowly appearing on that test. And I think how much these next few weeks will most likely drag. And get more uncomfortable.
I so do not want to moan here, I feel so lucky that I am having another baby, and my heart fills with joy at the thought of meeting them, and bringing them home to join our family. And I know however uncomfortable I will get, each sleepless night and each groan as I attempt to get off the sofa, and each foot digging painfully into my ribs or poking right out of the side of my belly will all be worth it, for the many years of joy I will get in return. I moaned a lot with Robert. Boy did I moan. Please comment, and tell me off if I do here again! And remind me of the end result. :)
Many thanks in advance!!
Aw honey I'm not going to tell you off... reads to me that whilst you have your moans (and with GD you have a right to do so IMO) you are still totally aware of what an amazing gift it is to have a child. Your TWO children are lucky to have you :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember having this with my second and third pregnancies. Everything made me want to cry the whole time cos I just felt so lucky despite all the hiccups each pregnancy brought.
ReplyDeleteI meant to say to you actually, I know someone else who was due to have her baby the same week as you, and well, her daughter is now 3 weeks old. There were complications and a delivery at 29 weeks but all is looking good for them both. So hang in there and it wont be long until you have two little ones. x