We are in the last week before half term, and Robert is still coming out of school every day on the black cloud for hurting other children or being too rough generally, invading personal space, not listening to adults. It is slowly destroying my soul that my first born, my gorgeous boy, is acting so horribly at school. We are trying reward systems for him, the first day with little to no success. Today is the second day.
It has got to the point where I am not bothering to make sure I leave by 5 past to get there early, as he is always sitting on the carpet so the teacher can explain to me just how horrible my child has been that day when all the other children have gone. :(
Yesterday I came home and cried all afternoon. I do not know what to do. I am in completely over my head and feel like running away and leaving someone else to it. But I can't, because I am his mother. It is my responsibility as his main carer to see that he becomes a respectable adult, and so far I am failing miserably.
Tomorrow is his first parents evening. And I know exactly how it's going to go. And the thought of that is bringing me close to tears again.
I want to not care, to leave it as a school problem. Let them deal with it. But I can't do that of course, and it's tearing me up from the inside out.
Tuesday 22 October 2013
Tuesday 15 October 2013
Almost 5 months old!
Well the last time I posted, Daniel was just 2 months old. I've been SO incredibly slack here, but then no-one seems to have noticed my disappearance anyway, as most of you are probably on Facebook so connected with me there.
Daniel will be 5 months old on Thursday! How time has flown! He is not an easy baby, but then he's not a hard baby either. One thing is for sure, and that is that he likes attention and closeness with those he is familiar with. His big brothers dote on him, and are for the most part, very gentle. But Daniel seems determined not to remain a baby for long, he is already sitting unassisted for a few seconds, rolling from front to back and back to front, pushing up on his hands, and has managed to get on his knees a couple of times. He pushes himself backwards and gets squashed up against sofas, toy boxes etc. He is grabbing quite accurately with his hands, and gets very excited when we sit him on our laps while eating. He has had a suck of apple, and cucumber, and got very cross when he dropped it! We semi- co sleep,he is exclusively breastfed (apart from the minuscule amount of apple and cucumber juice he may have consumed), and his main method of transport is the sling, except in the car of course!
I have even managed to get him on my back, and am slowly becoming more accomplished with back carries, which will be particularly useful as he is a big boy for his age, on the 98th centile for length, and the 75th for weight.
On to the big brothers! Robert has recently started full time in reception year, after almost 4 weeks of part time. He is struggling to settle in to the routine and fit in with the rules of school, and has been moved up their disciplinary ladder more often than not in the time he has been at school. The children start off on the sunshine every morning, if they carry on doing something when they are told not to, they get moved onto the grey cloud, if they do it again, they get moved onto the black cloud and they miss out on golden time. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is Robert's personality and not a reflection on my parenting per se. But it is hard, and has made me have good long thinking sessions. I struggle to understand, or enjoy time I spend with Robert. His personality is so full on, so exhausting and unlike mine, that the games he enjoys seems to be time wasting to me. He has so much pent up energy a lot of the time that it gets unleashed at home, running around the living room and crashing into the sofas, playing with cars he will get bored of driving them around properly and then it will devolve into rolling them back and forth along the same area at high speed, inevitably catching someone's hand or foot as he isn't watching what he is doing. I have yet to figure out what it is he actually needs... It's like I'm groping around in the dark when it comes to parenting Robert. But one day we will get there. One thing I am proud of is his progress in literacy skills. He has enjoyed blending words together from early on in nursery (just turned 4) and he is getting better and better. He is learning his keywords well, and now knows "the" which was tricky at first for him as he kept sounding it out and getting confused when the resulting word was "ter-her-eh" he enjoys his "reading" books he comes home with twice weekly. They have no words to read generally apart from the title, and the idea is to tell the story from the pictures.
As for his relationship with his brothers, Robert absolutely adores Daniel. Every morning he comes straight in to our room, climbs up on the bed to see Daniel and snuggle up to him. When I expressed some milk for him a while ago, Robert revelled in his duty of feeding Daniel (who took the bottle like a pro!), and was so tender and loving towards him while he head the bottle for Daniel. On the contrary, his relationship with Christopher is often very fraught, and filled with arguments. Christopher and Robert are like chalk and cheese. Robert is an outdoor child, Christopher is an indoor child. Robert flits from activity to activity, Christopher concentrates for extended periods of time. Robert can be quite boisterous, and rather like a bull in a china shop sometimes, whereas Christopher seems much calmer. They both do the typical small child thing of wanting exactly the same toy that the other has. But they do have their moments of laughter and fun. They enjoy a bit of rough and tumble with each other, Robert will give Christopher pony rides, and it's a joy to see them playing happily WITH each other so I tend to only step in if completely necessary.
Christopher is in his last year of being at home with me all the time (except Tuesdays which he spends with his grandparents). Next September he will be starting Pre-school and the thought makes me really sad! I seem to "get" him much more than I do Robert, he is a joy to look after on his own (well, him with his baby brother), whereas it can get stressful with Robert around! Christopher has started talking LOADS more. The leap in his speech compared to when he had his 2.5 year review is astounding. He has lost his cute "gub"s which was the word he used for yes. And he is speaking in 5+ word sentences now, joining several sentences together to iterate his thoughts. His pronounciation s are still quite babyish which is very cute. :) he can't pronounce "l" very well so it usually ends up as "y", such as "yeyyow", "yuv" "yike". He also says things like "dis quite bicy Mummy" (this is quite spicy mummy). And clever is "kwevah". :) he is very thoughtful and shows concern for other people (which Robert does very rarely), and also, Christopher does NOT like getting told off. But in the way that it upsets him that you're cross with him, he always looks rather distressed, then starts crying, and comes up for a hug, before saying "me vewy sowwy mummy". Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to care when told off, and starts fake crying when part of his discipline involves something being taken away, or him having to do something he dislikes.
I find it so hard to tell what a child's personality is like before the age of 2 ish, even my own children. So it is hard for me to know what Daniel will be like once he is older.
Well Daniel is awake now so I have to go. I hope the next gap won't be so long as the last!
Daniel will be 5 months old on Thursday! How time has flown! He is not an easy baby, but then he's not a hard baby either. One thing is for sure, and that is that he likes attention and closeness with those he is familiar with. His big brothers dote on him, and are for the most part, very gentle. But Daniel seems determined not to remain a baby for long, he is already sitting unassisted for a few seconds, rolling from front to back and back to front, pushing up on his hands, and has managed to get on his knees a couple of times. He pushes himself backwards and gets squashed up against sofas, toy boxes etc. He is grabbing quite accurately with his hands, and gets very excited when we sit him on our laps while eating. He has had a suck of apple, and cucumber, and got very cross when he dropped it! We semi- co sleep,he is exclusively breastfed (apart from the minuscule amount of apple and cucumber juice he may have consumed), and his main method of transport is the sling, except in the car of course!
I have even managed to get him on my back, and am slowly becoming more accomplished with back carries, which will be particularly useful as he is a big boy for his age, on the 98th centile for length, and the 75th for weight.
On to the big brothers! Robert has recently started full time in reception year, after almost 4 weeks of part time. He is struggling to settle in to the routine and fit in with the rules of school, and has been moved up their disciplinary ladder more often than not in the time he has been at school. The children start off on the sunshine every morning, if they carry on doing something when they are told not to, they get moved onto the grey cloud, if they do it again, they get moved onto the black cloud and they miss out on golden time. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is Robert's personality and not a reflection on my parenting per se. But it is hard, and has made me have good long thinking sessions. I struggle to understand, or enjoy time I spend with Robert. His personality is so full on, so exhausting and unlike mine, that the games he enjoys seems to be time wasting to me. He has so much pent up energy a lot of the time that it gets unleashed at home, running around the living room and crashing into the sofas, playing with cars he will get bored of driving them around properly and then it will devolve into rolling them back and forth along the same area at high speed, inevitably catching someone's hand or foot as he isn't watching what he is doing. I have yet to figure out what it is he actually needs... It's like I'm groping around in the dark when it comes to parenting Robert. But one day we will get there. One thing I am proud of is his progress in literacy skills. He has enjoyed blending words together from early on in nursery (just turned 4) and he is getting better and better. He is learning his keywords well, and now knows "the" which was tricky at first for him as he kept sounding it out and getting confused when the resulting word was "ter-her-eh" he enjoys his "reading" books he comes home with twice weekly. They have no words to read generally apart from the title, and the idea is to tell the story from the pictures.
As for his relationship with his brothers, Robert absolutely adores Daniel. Every morning he comes straight in to our room, climbs up on the bed to see Daniel and snuggle up to him. When I expressed some milk for him a while ago, Robert revelled in his duty of feeding Daniel (who took the bottle like a pro!), and was so tender and loving towards him while he head the bottle for Daniel. On the contrary, his relationship with Christopher is often very fraught, and filled with arguments. Christopher and Robert are like chalk and cheese. Robert is an outdoor child, Christopher is an indoor child. Robert flits from activity to activity, Christopher concentrates for extended periods of time. Robert can be quite boisterous, and rather like a bull in a china shop sometimes, whereas Christopher seems much calmer. They both do the typical small child thing of wanting exactly the same toy that the other has. But they do have their moments of laughter and fun. They enjoy a bit of rough and tumble with each other, Robert will give Christopher pony rides, and it's a joy to see them playing happily WITH each other so I tend to only step in if completely necessary.
Christopher is in his last year of being at home with me all the time (except Tuesdays which he spends with his grandparents). Next September he will be starting Pre-school and the thought makes me really sad! I seem to "get" him much more than I do Robert, he is a joy to look after on his own (well, him with his baby brother), whereas it can get stressful with Robert around! Christopher has started talking LOADS more. The leap in his speech compared to when he had his 2.5 year review is astounding. He has lost his cute "gub"s which was the word he used for yes. And he is speaking in 5+ word sentences now, joining several sentences together to iterate his thoughts. His pronounciation s are still quite babyish which is very cute. :) he can't pronounce "l" very well so it usually ends up as "y", such as "yeyyow", "yuv" "yike". He also says things like "dis quite bicy Mummy" (this is quite spicy mummy). And clever is "kwevah". :) he is very thoughtful and shows concern for other people (which Robert does very rarely), and also, Christopher does NOT like getting told off. But in the way that it upsets him that you're cross with him, he always looks rather distressed, then starts crying, and comes up for a hug, before saying "me vewy sowwy mummy". Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to care when told off, and starts fake crying when part of his discipline involves something being taken away, or him having to do something he dislikes.
I find it so hard to tell what a child's personality is like before the age of 2 ish, even my own children. So it is hard for me to know what Daniel will be like once he is older.
Well Daniel is awake now so I have to go. I hope the next gap won't be so long as the last!
Tuesday 25 June 2013
5.5 weeks old update
So, Daniel is now five and a half weeks old. It seems an age away that I was so stressed and upset about being overdue with him. Yet these five weeks have gone in a flash! He is growing so fast, and the time is going so quickly, it feels like I barely have time to enjoy his newborn-ness. And when does he stop being a newborn?
Milestones reached.. He smiles, he lifts his head clear of the floor, he has even cooed at me a few times.
He is now in 3-6 month clothes. Yes you read that right... My almost 6 week old baby is in clothes for a 12-26 week old baby. He is my first baby in cloth, but still, some are fairly slim and the 0-3 is stretched tight in the fatter nappies, and simply snug in the slimmer ones. The 3-6 month old ones are slightly baggy, but not overly so. The majority of his 3-6 month clothes are still in the loft, but he has 5 rompers which were gifted to him that his brothers never wore that he's now wearing in the meantime until the rest of them come down.
He's getting weighed tomorrow. He was weighed 2 weeks ago at my request, and weighed 11lb 9oz then. My milk supply is still plentiful, I let down heavily from both breasts when he begins a feed, I completely soak breast pads each day, even the lanisoh ones. I have not started pumping, I will see about it once I get some storage bags. Not that I'm planning on using the milk for Daniel particularly but it can't hurt to have some in the freezer.
Daniel has two doting big brothers. The novelty has worn off somewhat but he still gets plenty of kisses and cuddles during the day. Christopher has gone from giving him about 10+ hugs and kisses a day to about 2 or 3. Robert has become more affectionate towards him as time goes on. He enjoys the responsibility of rocking him in the bouncer, and will often sit and talk to him. If he's crying, I'll often see Robert come up to him, and say soothingly "don't wowwy, Daniel, mummy will give you milk in a minute!" Robert has quickly learned that if Daniel is crying, most often this can be solved by giving him milk. ;)
Daniel is of course breastfed on demand. This is never often more than 3 hours apart, and quite often more than twice within an hour. Most often I'd say between every 1.5 and 2 hours. But as I don't clock watch, it's really hard to say.
He is mostly co-sleeping with us. If I get uncomfortable I will put him in his cot, but mostly once he wakes for the first time after we have gone to bed, he will come into bed with us after a nappy change (into the most absorbent and leak proof nappy we have to hand to avoid having to change him during the night), and stay in bed with us during the night until we get up in the morning. Lately he has been good until about 5am when he gets restless. During the night he will easily feed and then sleep, but around 5am he will wake and feed, and then whinge on and off until about 6.30 when he'll drop back off to sleep, and leave us too awake to get back to sleep in time to appreciate it before the boys gro clock turns yellow.
Unlike Christopher (and somewhat like Robert), Daniel is quite a sicky baby. He will spit up some of his feed in almost every case, sometimes straight away, sometimes after a while. Sometimes it's just a little dribble, sometimes it comes out in gushes. He often gets grumpy after a feed, until he has spit up. Although part of me is wondering if he has an intolerance because he also has some patches of rough red skin, mostly on his right cheek and ear, and behind the ear. Some on his neck, in the crease, and I noticed a small amount on the stork bite on the back of his neck. I might start giving him regular baths to try and clean off those areas more thoroughly, in case it is perhaps the sick irritating the skin? He has had about 4 baths so far. I will also mention it at my 6 week postnatal checkup on Monday. But if regular bathing doesn't help, I may see about eliminating dairy from my diet to see if that helps. At least I don't have the worry that he's not gaining weight, I can see he is gaining weight, and meeting milestones, but if I can help ease discomfort I will!
Anyway, Jonathan is getting nearer to Daniels birthday on the photos, sorting and uploading them, so hopefully I will have some photos to update with soon!
Milestones reached.. He smiles, he lifts his head clear of the floor, he has even cooed at me a few times.
He is now in 3-6 month clothes. Yes you read that right... My almost 6 week old baby is in clothes for a 12-26 week old baby. He is my first baby in cloth, but still, some are fairly slim and the 0-3 is stretched tight in the fatter nappies, and simply snug in the slimmer ones. The 3-6 month old ones are slightly baggy, but not overly so. The majority of his 3-6 month clothes are still in the loft, but he has 5 rompers which were gifted to him that his brothers never wore that he's now wearing in the meantime until the rest of them come down.
He's getting weighed tomorrow. He was weighed 2 weeks ago at my request, and weighed 11lb 9oz then. My milk supply is still plentiful, I let down heavily from both breasts when he begins a feed, I completely soak breast pads each day, even the lanisoh ones. I have not started pumping, I will see about it once I get some storage bags. Not that I'm planning on using the milk for Daniel particularly but it can't hurt to have some in the freezer.
Daniel has two doting big brothers. The novelty has worn off somewhat but he still gets plenty of kisses and cuddles during the day. Christopher has gone from giving him about 10+ hugs and kisses a day to about 2 or 3. Robert has become more affectionate towards him as time goes on. He enjoys the responsibility of rocking him in the bouncer, and will often sit and talk to him. If he's crying, I'll often see Robert come up to him, and say soothingly "don't wowwy, Daniel, mummy will give you milk in a minute!" Robert has quickly learned that if Daniel is crying, most often this can be solved by giving him milk. ;)
Daniel is of course breastfed on demand. This is never often more than 3 hours apart, and quite often more than twice within an hour. Most often I'd say between every 1.5 and 2 hours. But as I don't clock watch, it's really hard to say.
He is mostly co-sleeping with us. If I get uncomfortable I will put him in his cot, but mostly once he wakes for the first time after we have gone to bed, he will come into bed with us after a nappy change (into the most absorbent and leak proof nappy we have to hand to avoid having to change him during the night), and stay in bed with us during the night until we get up in the morning. Lately he has been good until about 5am when he gets restless. During the night he will easily feed and then sleep, but around 5am he will wake and feed, and then whinge on and off until about 6.30 when he'll drop back off to sleep, and leave us too awake to get back to sleep in time to appreciate it before the boys gro clock turns yellow.
Unlike Christopher (and somewhat like Robert), Daniel is quite a sicky baby. He will spit up some of his feed in almost every case, sometimes straight away, sometimes after a while. Sometimes it's just a little dribble, sometimes it comes out in gushes. He often gets grumpy after a feed, until he has spit up. Although part of me is wondering if he has an intolerance because he also has some patches of rough red skin, mostly on his right cheek and ear, and behind the ear. Some on his neck, in the crease, and I noticed a small amount on the stork bite on the back of his neck. I might start giving him regular baths to try and clean off those areas more thoroughly, in case it is perhaps the sick irritating the skin? He has had about 4 baths so far. I will also mention it at my 6 week postnatal checkup on Monday. But if regular bathing doesn't help, I may see about eliminating dairy from my diet to see if that helps. At least I don't have the worry that he's not gaining weight, I can see he is gaining weight, and meeting milestones, but if I can help ease discomfort I will!
Anyway, Jonathan is getting nearer to Daniels birthday on the photos, sorting and uploading them, so hopefully I will have some photos to update with soon!
Monday 3 June 2013
17 days old!
Well, Daniel Tobias is now two and a half weeks old! How time flies once they are skin side! Feeding is going great, he is a natural just like Christopher, and a very hungry boy! He feeds on average every 2 hours, more often sometimes.
I was discharged from the midwife on day 11. Daniel was back to birth weight at 5 days old, then up 9oz at 11 days old! So I reckon now he's up to almost 11lb by now. Very chunky boy! And now out of newborn clothes already!
Daniel has already attended his first funeral. When he was just two days old we had the sad news that a friend of Jonathan's gran, who sort of became a surrogate gran for us, and saw her most weeks at my in-laws, passed away. We were planning to go over later that day, so he missed out seeing her by just a day. :( Robert was quite fond of her, but is still too young to really understand death. He has however since been asking if certain people are going to die (like me, his daddy, Christopher, and Daniel).
Today was the first day that I've not had anyone around to help out with the boys. It's been a peaceful day so far, and very relaxed. I'm hoping it continues! And that the boys enjoy outdoor activities while I sort out more washing. It definitely helps that my first day solo has been sunny, and productive, it always makes me much more cheerful!
Something that needs mentioning here before I sign off, is how the older boys have taken to their new baby brother. Christopher absolutely adores his baby brother. He comes up regularly, saying "me beh-bee gish uck" (me baby kiss hug) and gives him a gentle hug followed by a kiss on the head. By regularly I mean at least every half an hour when he's around. He also starts to sing twinkle twinkle little star whenever he cries, and occasionally waves at him and says "ey-oh beh-bee bwuvvah!" When he can't reach him for a kiss and a hug.
Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to think much of him particularly. The early days were filled with more hugs than later days, so I think Daniel was somewhat a novelty which has since worn off. He still has hugs on occasion, but they seem to be mainly when Christopher has asked, as a way of not feeling left out. I think it is somewhat of a personality thing rather than an age thing, as I remember him being similar when Christopher was a baby. He is however, playing with his dolls a lot more, and even for the first time ever, nursed his doll! (Granted for about a second, and as a game, but still! This coming from the boy who would look at me reproachfully when I suggest he nurse the doll himself, saying "mummy, I don't have milk in my boobies" before insisting that I be the one to nurse the doll. He would cry as the baby, then say "oh no, the baby wants milk AGAIN!" Lift the doll out of the bouncer, nurse it for a second, put it back, then run off, only for the doll to "cry" again, and he runs back saying "the baby wants milk again? I just want to go and play!" Whenever Daniel cries, Robert suggests he wants milk, which I guess in the early stages is actually somewhat accurate!
Something I am thankful for at the moment is Daniel's tolerance for just a warm pair of arms at the moment, unless he is hungry. He will settle down well when cuddled unless he is hungry, which also makes the sling a godsend. We also co-sleep at night, and he actually sleeps really well at night, often going 3-4 hours or more between feeds which is a long time for my boobs!
I'm still waiting on Jonathan to edit the photos we took of Daniel in the first week to post photos here, but I will say: he is the spitting image of Robert as a baby!
I was discharged from the midwife on day 11. Daniel was back to birth weight at 5 days old, then up 9oz at 11 days old! So I reckon now he's up to almost 11lb by now. Very chunky boy! And now out of newborn clothes already!
Daniel has already attended his first funeral. When he was just two days old we had the sad news that a friend of Jonathan's gran, who sort of became a surrogate gran for us, and saw her most weeks at my in-laws, passed away. We were planning to go over later that day, so he missed out seeing her by just a day. :( Robert was quite fond of her, but is still too young to really understand death. He has however since been asking if certain people are going to die (like me, his daddy, Christopher, and Daniel).
Today was the first day that I've not had anyone around to help out with the boys. It's been a peaceful day so far, and very relaxed. I'm hoping it continues! And that the boys enjoy outdoor activities while I sort out more washing. It definitely helps that my first day solo has been sunny, and productive, it always makes me much more cheerful!
Something that needs mentioning here before I sign off, is how the older boys have taken to their new baby brother. Christopher absolutely adores his baby brother. He comes up regularly, saying "me beh-bee gish uck" (me baby kiss hug) and gives him a gentle hug followed by a kiss on the head. By regularly I mean at least every half an hour when he's around. He also starts to sing twinkle twinkle little star whenever he cries, and occasionally waves at him and says "ey-oh beh-bee bwuvvah!" When he can't reach him for a kiss and a hug.
Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to think much of him particularly. The early days were filled with more hugs than later days, so I think Daniel was somewhat a novelty which has since worn off. He still has hugs on occasion, but they seem to be mainly when Christopher has asked, as a way of not feeling left out. I think it is somewhat of a personality thing rather than an age thing, as I remember him being similar when Christopher was a baby. He is however, playing with his dolls a lot more, and even for the first time ever, nursed his doll! (Granted for about a second, and as a game, but still! This coming from the boy who would look at me reproachfully when I suggest he nurse the doll himself, saying "mummy, I don't have milk in my boobies" before insisting that I be the one to nurse the doll. He would cry as the baby, then say "oh no, the baby wants milk AGAIN!" Lift the doll out of the bouncer, nurse it for a second, put it back, then run off, only for the doll to "cry" again, and he runs back saying "the baby wants milk again? I just want to go and play!" Whenever Daniel cries, Robert suggests he wants milk, which I guess in the early stages is actually somewhat accurate!
Something I am thankful for at the moment is Daniel's tolerance for just a warm pair of arms at the moment, unless he is hungry. He will settle down well when cuddled unless he is hungry, which also makes the sling a godsend. We also co-sleep at night, and he actually sleeps really well at night, often going 3-4 hours or more between feeds which is a long time for my boobs!
I'm still waiting on Jonathan to edit the photos we took of Daniel in the first week to post photos here, but I will say: he is the spitting image of Robert as a baby!
Saturday 18 May 2013
Daniel is here!
Well, here comes Daniel's birth story. Yes I know as I start this, he isn't even 24 hours old. But this story is amazing and I don't want to forget any details!
First off, the general details.
Induction started at 8am by breaking waters.
Born at 11.59am in the birth pool.
Weight: 9lb 9oz
What is amazing about this birth story is that at one point, there was a very real possibility that I might have had an emergency (under GA) cesarean. But that the issue was resolved, and I went on to have a water birth.
I got checked in to a standard room, and after a while, the midwife came back in having looked at my birth plan and asked if I would be interested in using the birth pool. I said that possibly for the first stage, probably not to birth in though. Anyway she showed us through to what was called the "Serenity Suite". It was lovely, twice the size with a birth pool down one end, shower and toilet in the room, music players, mood lighting. I instantly felt wonderful and positive about the experience. We settled in and then we were told that a consultant would break my waters for me. When my waters were broken, the doctor who did it was concerned because Daniel's hand was up by his head, and the head wasn't very engaged, meaning that his hand could creep up and end up in a superman pose. (Which apparently would indicate the need for a cesarean.)
After a while, a different consultant came in with 3 other people (seemingly just observing our conversation) to say they wanted to put me on the hormonal drip to induce contractions to encourage the head to engage and hope it pushed the hand back down. After a short discussion with both the consultant and then Jonathan alone, we decided to risk a c section due to the hand rather than risking a c section due to fetal distress of complications from the drip. We chose to try and engage the head by mobility for half an hour to an hour or so, and then be re-examined to check for the presence of the hand and how engaged the head was.
On re-examination around 9.30-10am, the midwife suddenly became very worried, and said "there's cord there. Jonathan, pull the emergency button". Seconds later, over 6 people (Jonathan reckoned 10+) came rushing in. Tracey, the midwife, told them there was prolapsed cord, and immediately my bed head was lowered, more hands appeared around me "down there". I had a catheter in, a cannula in my arm, I think they used the instrument to open up my vagina so they could see what was going on. They filled my bladder up, took blood, and shifted me onto my left hand side. There was just a flurry of "stuff" happening around me and to me. It was a blur, and all I could think of was "what on earth is happening?" And "oh no, I'm going to go have a c section under general anaesthetic. Prolapsed cord is BAD." And I was thinking about how on earth Jonathan must be feeling too, I kept seeing midwives or doctors faces coming close and offering me reassuring words, or asking me to do something, but didn't see Jonathan. After a while, I heard the magical words "the cord's slipped back down and so has the hand".
Then the consultant who had wanted me to go on the drip earlier put her head close and told me to push hard on the next contraction. I couldn't feel any contractions, but they could tell by the monitor so they told me and I did. I wondered at first if they wanted me to give birth then and there, but then I realised that they just wanted me to get the head engaged to stop anything else coming down past the head again.
The head did come down and engage, and amazingly, thankfully, the consultant then said that with the head deep in the pelvis, there was no room for anything to come back down past the head again, and I was back on for my natural birth!
I stayed on the monitors that were wired in to the machine for another hour. I was quite happy to sit there, I felt a bit like I had been run over by a steam train, and welcomed the excuse to sit, relax, and just stay still. After the hour was up I got up again, and strapped instead to a wireless monitor and was told I'd be able to go in the pool with it, and walk around as I wanted. Since the head was engaged my contractions came on quite strong fairly quickly. Jonathan started to time them on my phone, he started timing them at 10.49am. Between then and 11.34am I'd had 18 contractions. They were coming between every 1.5 and 3 minutes, not regular but very frequent, and progressively stronger. I'd been told I was around 6cm when the cord and fingers had disappeared. I soon had to stop and lean on something, and sway and moan through the contractions. After about 6 or more of these swaying contractions, Tracey asked if I'd like to get in the pool now, and I said yes I would. I didn't think I was very close to birth, but the strength of the contractions meant that I thought it would be nice at that stage. In fact the last contraction before she asked me, I thought I felt the beginning stages of needing to bear down, but I dismissed it, thinking it was way too soon! I then went to the toilet again, did a wee and a poo, but then noticed after the poo that I was definitely starting to bear down, which I told Jonathan about. I got in the pool, and had a few more contractions fairly quickly, bearing down and groaning with them. Tracey went and got long gloves ready, It seemed to go so quickly, although the first few didn't seem to do much in the way I couldn't feel his head descending. But shortly after, I could feel the head coming down. And BOY it felt HUGE! It was so hard, much harder than Christopher's. I could feel it coming down more each time, but it felt almost unbearable with it taking several contractions. I didn't get a break at all with the crowning, it just kept coming, and I couldn't not bear down and keep going. Most of his head came out, I felt like I had to push loads of times to get what was left out - the chin? Then came a short sense of relief, before then the body was coming out. It didn't slip out easily, it felt like it took 5 or 6 pushes to get it fully out. Each time I thought "will it be over with this one? This one?" The relief I felt when the feet came out was just a-maz-ing. I turned over in the pool, lifting my leg up over the top of him, and held the little mischief maker who'd caused so much trouble! Jonathan was crying, telling me how proud he was of me. Sitting there, in the pool, holding my baby who less than 2 hours earlier I thought would be cut out of me while I was knocked out, I was absolutely elated. I did it, it was difficult, but I did it! After a while she cut the cord (she cut it before I would have liked but she had left it a while so better than immediately), and then I went back to the bed to deliver the placenta while I fed Christopher. I cannot remember if I carried him over there or not! While Daniel nursed, I delivered the placenta. It was awful having these contractions while I was snuggling my baby boy, but I immediately knew it was coming when it was, and the relief when it was out, and I knew that was IT. It was over. Completely done and finished. My baby boy was here and safe. He still had some vernix on him, wasn't at all wrinkly, so he wasn't "overcooked" at all. I had a second degree tear again (3rd time), but chose not to have it stitched. The midwife was happy with that, she said it should heal by itself ok.
So there you have it. The very dramatic arrival of Daniel, at 40+15. :)
First off, the general details.
Induction started at 8am by breaking waters.
Born at 11.59am in the birth pool.
Weight: 9lb 9oz
What is amazing about this birth story is that at one point, there was a very real possibility that I might have had an emergency (under GA) cesarean. But that the issue was resolved, and I went on to have a water birth.
I got checked in to a standard room, and after a while, the midwife came back in having looked at my birth plan and asked if I would be interested in using the birth pool. I said that possibly for the first stage, probably not to birth in though. Anyway she showed us through to what was called the "Serenity Suite". It was lovely, twice the size with a birth pool down one end, shower and toilet in the room, music players, mood lighting. I instantly felt wonderful and positive about the experience. We settled in and then we were told that a consultant would break my waters for me. When my waters were broken, the doctor who did it was concerned because Daniel's hand was up by his head, and the head wasn't very engaged, meaning that his hand could creep up and end up in a superman pose. (Which apparently would indicate the need for a cesarean.)
After a while, a different consultant came in with 3 other people (seemingly just observing our conversation) to say they wanted to put me on the hormonal drip to induce contractions to encourage the head to engage and hope it pushed the hand back down. After a short discussion with both the consultant and then Jonathan alone, we decided to risk a c section due to the hand rather than risking a c section due to fetal distress of complications from the drip. We chose to try and engage the head by mobility for half an hour to an hour or so, and then be re-examined to check for the presence of the hand and how engaged the head was.
On re-examination around 9.30-10am, the midwife suddenly became very worried, and said "there's cord there. Jonathan, pull the emergency button". Seconds later, over 6 people (Jonathan reckoned 10+) came rushing in. Tracey, the midwife, told them there was prolapsed cord, and immediately my bed head was lowered, more hands appeared around me "down there". I had a catheter in, a cannula in my arm, I think they used the instrument to open up my vagina so they could see what was going on. They filled my bladder up, took blood, and shifted me onto my left hand side. There was just a flurry of "stuff" happening around me and to me. It was a blur, and all I could think of was "what on earth is happening?" And "oh no, I'm going to go have a c section under general anaesthetic. Prolapsed cord is BAD." And I was thinking about how on earth Jonathan must be feeling too, I kept seeing midwives or doctors faces coming close and offering me reassuring words, or asking me to do something, but didn't see Jonathan. After a while, I heard the magical words "the cord's slipped back down and so has the hand".
Then the consultant who had wanted me to go on the drip earlier put her head close and told me to push hard on the next contraction. I couldn't feel any contractions, but they could tell by the monitor so they told me and I did. I wondered at first if they wanted me to give birth then and there, but then I realised that they just wanted me to get the head engaged to stop anything else coming down past the head again.
The head did come down and engage, and amazingly, thankfully, the consultant then said that with the head deep in the pelvis, there was no room for anything to come back down past the head again, and I was back on for my natural birth!
I stayed on the monitors that were wired in to the machine for another hour. I was quite happy to sit there, I felt a bit like I had been run over by a steam train, and welcomed the excuse to sit, relax, and just stay still. After the hour was up I got up again, and strapped instead to a wireless monitor and was told I'd be able to go in the pool with it, and walk around as I wanted. Since the head was engaged my contractions came on quite strong fairly quickly. Jonathan started to time them on my phone, he started timing them at 10.49am. Between then and 11.34am I'd had 18 contractions. They were coming between every 1.5 and 3 minutes, not regular but very frequent, and progressively stronger. I'd been told I was around 6cm when the cord and fingers had disappeared. I soon had to stop and lean on something, and sway and moan through the contractions. After about 6 or more of these swaying contractions, Tracey asked if I'd like to get in the pool now, and I said yes I would. I didn't think I was very close to birth, but the strength of the contractions meant that I thought it would be nice at that stage. In fact the last contraction before she asked me, I thought I felt the beginning stages of needing to bear down, but I dismissed it, thinking it was way too soon! I then went to the toilet again, did a wee and a poo, but then noticed after the poo that I was definitely starting to bear down, which I told Jonathan about. I got in the pool, and had a few more contractions fairly quickly, bearing down and groaning with them. Tracey went and got long gloves ready, It seemed to go so quickly, although the first few didn't seem to do much in the way I couldn't feel his head descending. But shortly after, I could feel the head coming down. And BOY it felt HUGE! It was so hard, much harder than Christopher's. I could feel it coming down more each time, but it felt almost unbearable with it taking several contractions. I didn't get a break at all with the crowning, it just kept coming, and I couldn't not bear down and keep going. Most of his head came out, I felt like I had to push loads of times to get what was left out - the chin? Then came a short sense of relief, before then the body was coming out. It didn't slip out easily, it felt like it took 5 or 6 pushes to get it fully out. Each time I thought "will it be over with this one? This one?" The relief I felt when the feet came out was just a-maz-ing. I turned over in the pool, lifting my leg up over the top of him, and held the little mischief maker who'd caused so much trouble! Jonathan was crying, telling me how proud he was of me. Sitting there, in the pool, holding my baby who less than 2 hours earlier I thought would be cut out of me while I was knocked out, I was absolutely elated. I did it, it was difficult, but I did it! After a while she cut the cord (she cut it before I would have liked but she had left it a while so better than immediately), and then I went back to the bed to deliver the placenta while I fed Christopher. I cannot remember if I carried him over there or not! While Daniel nursed, I delivered the placenta. It was awful having these contractions while I was snuggling my baby boy, but I immediately knew it was coming when it was, and the relief when it was out, and I knew that was IT. It was over. Completely done and finished. My baby boy was here and safe. He still had some vernix on him, wasn't at all wrinkly, so he wasn't "overcooked" at all. I had a second degree tear again (3rd time), but chose not to have it stitched. The midwife was happy with that, she said it should heal by itself ok.
So there you have it. The very dramatic arrival of Daniel, at 40+15. :)
Friday 17 May 2013
42 weeks 1 day
So yesterday I went in to be induced. We got there around 9am, and by 10am we had been seen, and I had had a CTG trace. She examined me and I was 3-4cm, my cervix was soft and central, but 2cm thick. And she could feel my waters. So she said that we could head straight to delivery once there was room.
How exciting! We could have a baby by lunchtime, and maybe go home by evening! But nope, we waited... And waited.. I walked, bounced, napped. Then it was 8pm and we still had no news on when we would go down. Finally we were told that we wouldn't be sent down til morning. I was extremely annoyed. And promptly said I was going home then.
They told us that today at 7am we could go straight to delivery. My excitement and anticipation has long since evaporated. It has been replaced by worry and annoyance. If I hadn't had all this pressure on me from day one (well, just before 41 weeks) to give birth imminently, I probably would have had this baby already! This entire last stage of pregnancy has been fraught with anxiety and pressure.
And once more I am scared of everything that could happen. After yet another disappointing day, I just can't imagine this birth going well.
So I'm lying in bed, my own bed at home. And have been thinking and wondering if I'll ever meet my baby, and how all the stress I have gone through these last few weeks would have affected him. Please keep us all in your thoughts today. Please pray that we have a quick and easy birth. X
How exciting! We could have a baby by lunchtime, and maybe go home by evening! But nope, we waited... And waited.. I walked, bounced, napped. Then it was 8pm and we still had no news on when we would go down. Finally we were told that we wouldn't be sent down til morning. I was extremely annoyed. And promptly said I was going home then.
They told us that today at 7am we could go straight to delivery. My excitement and anticipation has long since evaporated. It has been replaced by worry and annoyance. If I hadn't had all this pressure on me from day one (well, just before 41 weeks) to give birth imminently, I probably would have had this baby already! This entire last stage of pregnancy has been fraught with anxiety and pressure.
And once more I am scared of everything that could happen. After yet another disappointing day, I just can't imagine this birth going well.
So I'm lying in bed, my own bed at home. And have been thinking and wondering if I'll ever meet my baby, and how all the stress I have gone through these last few weeks would have affected him. Please keep us all in your thoughts today. Please pray that we have a quick and easy birth. X
Wednesday 15 May 2013
41weeks 6 days
Following a very very promising night last night, where I had "proper" labour contractions regularly from midnight and throughout the next few hours when I woke, I was SURE I would have a baby in my arms by now. But they disappeared, and I was left disappointed, stressed, and either in tears or on the verge of tears for most of the day.
I have been feeling conflicted the entire day about my induction appointment tomorrow. What is best for us. My feelings of confidence about the birth, my fears, my hopes. I could write it all down here but it would take ages, it's been hashed over so much I feel like my head would explode.
We went over to the inlaws for lunch, and Jonathan called my mum as well to come up for emotional support. After lunch we went out to a fabulous garden centre and mooched to distract myself from my emotions. Then went back to the inlaws and stayed until 6ish when we came back home with my mum staying here overnight.
We (the three of us) had a long discussion once the boys were in bed. My mum didn't give her actual opinion on whether she thought we should go in for induction. But helped bring up matters to discuss. And I'm gutted to have had to make the decision, because I KNOW my body can do it, but the pressure from medical staff is just too much for me to bear thinking about. I've decided to keep the appointment. I've absolutely despised to have to make that decision. I'm gutted beyond words that I haven't gone into labour before the 14 days. And I'm not bearing to hope I might go into labour overnight because I've been disappointed so often and left with dashed hopes.
I'm terrified of going in with Christopher's birth as a likely scenario as to what will happen because his went so well I feel like I'd be setting myself up for more failure. Between now and 9am I'm going to try and prepare myself for the worst. I hate hate HATE that it has come to this.
But maybe it will be alright. And maybe, just maybe, I will be holding my baby boy 24 hours from now.
I have been feeling conflicted the entire day about my induction appointment tomorrow. What is best for us. My feelings of confidence about the birth, my fears, my hopes. I could write it all down here but it would take ages, it's been hashed over so much I feel like my head would explode.
We went over to the inlaws for lunch, and Jonathan called my mum as well to come up for emotional support. After lunch we went out to a fabulous garden centre and mooched to distract myself from my emotions. Then went back to the inlaws and stayed until 6ish when we came back home with my mum staying here overnight.
We (the three of us) had a long discussion once the boys were in bed. My mum didn't give her actual opinion on whether she thought we should go in for induction. But helped bring up matters to discuss. And I'm gutted to have had to make the decision, because I KNOW my body can do it, but the pressure from medical staff is just too much for me to bear thinking about. I've decided to keep the appointment. I've absolutely despised to have to make that decision. I'm gutted beyond words that I haven't gone into labour before the 14 days. And I'm not bearing to hope I might go into labour overnight because I've been disappointed so often and left with dashed hopes.
I'm terrified of going in with Christopher's birth as a likely scenario as to what will happen because his went so well I feel like I'd be setting myself up for more failure. Between now and 9am I'm going to try and prepare myself for the worst. I hate hate HATE that it has come to this.
But maybe it will be alright. And maybe, just maybe, I will be holding my baby boy 24 hours from now.
Tuesday 14 May 2013
41 weeks 5 days
Another day gone, another day pregnant. I'm not so much emotional and grumpy about that fact, the physical oomph of having to carry around the extra weight etc, as much as I am getting closer and closer to my induction date. And still no regulating contractions or sign of labour. My mucus plug has stopped coming away, which I'm not sure whether that is good or bad. I do keep feeling twinges low down that feel "watery". I don't really know how to explain it, I can't really tell if it's my bladder or maybe my waters pressing against the cervix or something.. I don't feel an overwhelmed need to pee which is why I am confused. But either way, labour just isn't kicking off. And I'm feeling more and more dejected about it. Because I have just one more full day in which to give birth before the induction appointment. And I know that home birth will be a fight now I'm past 10 days, but I know that declining induction and requesting a midwife to come out to me at home when I am officially overdue (14 days+) the will be horrendous.
I feel upset that my peaceful home birth will likely be tainted by having to persuade the midwife to come out to me beyond their static "10 days post date" figure, and their possible reluctance to be there at all. But right now, labour vibes and more labour vibes are needed, I really want to avoid making the decision about whether or not to keep my induction appointment...
I feel upset that my peaceful home birth will likely be tainted by having to persuade the midwife to come out to me beyond their static "10 days post date" figure, and their possible reluctance to be there at all. But right now, labour vibes and more labour vibes are needed, I really want to avoid making the decision about whether or not to keep my induction appointment...
Monday 13 May 2013
41 weeks 4 days
Well it's all fizzled out again. 3 days until my induction appointment. (Which I am unsure whether I will still go to or not). Right now I am taking one day at a time. My home birth dates ranged from 10th April til 12th May. And being the 13th May I will most likely have an argument on my hands now whenever baby decides to arrive (if he ever does).
Right now, I am still confident that a home birth is right for me, despite being over that threshold. But I am taking it one day at a time, and if I suddenly feel that hospital would be the right place, then I will go there.
I am getting tired. Robert had his nursery trip today, so while he was there, Jonathan (who has taken his 2 weeks off from today because I am not coping well emotionally or physically with the demands of this very late stage of pregnancy) and I took Christopher to a country park. After a short play in the playground, we went for a walk. It wasn't a long one but I ached, with every single step I took. My back, my hips, my legs, my feet. I was plodding along with a heavy body, and a heavy heart, and did not enjoy the walk at all. We have been on walks every weekend day for the last few weeks, and I have enjoyed them. But not today's.
I did not sleep well last night. A combination between the now consistent pain on rolling over in bed, and indistinguishable worries running around in my head. I have given up hope now that he will be born soon. Yet another false start and I feel broken, I don't trust myself to read my body's signals. I don't want to get my hopes up again. My heart aches whenever I see the new baby clothes I've bought for him. The empty cot, the car seat in the corner of the room. The newborn in the pram on the nursery run (who is almost 6 weeks old and was due only 2.5 weeks before my bump). The photos on my newsfeed on Facebook showing newborns.
People say "just think about when he's here and all the lovely newborn snuggles you will have". But it feels like I won't ever be there. That he will never be here. That I will never get those newborn snuggles. Which is irrational I know because he can't stay in forever. But I cannot visualise him actually being here, as every time I do, it ends in disappointment. And other people saying (which I am now interpreting as a "shut up your moaning now woman") "think of all the women who never get to where you are, who have premature babies and feel like their bodies have failed by not cooking long enough".
I realise I'm not the first (and won't be the last) woman to go so past dates (hey, I was 12 days late, as my mum likes to remind me). So on that note I'll sign off, and this will be my last moan. Because I won't believe he's actually coming now until I'm actually pushing him out.
Right now, I am still confident that a home birth is right for me, despite being over that threshold. But I am taking it one day at a time, and if I suddenly feel that hospital would be the right place, then I will go there.
I am getting tired. Robert had his nursery trip today, so while he was there, Jonathan (who has taken his 2 weeks off from today because I am not coping well emotionally or physically with the demands of this very late stage of pregnancy) and I took Christopher to a country park. After a short play in the playground, we went for a walk. It wasn't a long one but I ached, with every single step I took. My back, my hips, my legs, my feet. I was plodding along with a heavy body, and a heavy heart, and did not enjoy the walk at all. We have been on walks every weekend day for the last few weeks, and I have enjoyed them. But not today's.
I did not sleep well last night. A combination between the now consistent pain on rolling over in bed, and indistinguishable worries running around in my head. I have given up hope now that he will be born soon. Yet another false start and I feel broken, I don't trust myself to read my body's signals. I don't want to get my hopes up again. My heart aches whenever I see the new baby clothes I've bought for him. The empty cot, the car seat in the corner of the room. The newborn in the pram on the nursery run (who is almost 6 weeks old and was due only 2.5 weeks before my bump). The photos on my newsfeed on Facebook showing newborns.
People say "just think about when he's here and all the lovely newborn snuggles you will have". But it feels like I won't ever be there. That he will never be here. That I will never get those newborn snuggles. Which is irrational I know because he can't stay in forever. But I cannot visualise him actually being here, as every time I do, it ends in disappointment. And other people saying (which I am now interpreting as a "shut up your moaning now woman") "think of all the women who never get to where you are, who have premature babies and feel like their bodies have failed by not cooking long enough".
I realise I'm not the first (and won't be the last) woman to go so past dates (hey, I was 12 days late, as my mum likes to remind me). So on that note I'll sign off, and this will be my last moan. Because I won't believe he's actually coming now until I'm actually pushing him out.
Sunday 12 May 2013
41 weeks 3 days
Thank you for the love and hugs for my previous post.
Something I hadn't actually mentioned here, was actually I've had various "could this be it" moments over the last few days. The first of which was Monday night, I had BH every 5 minutes on the dot from at least 8pm til 8.30pm, before they fizzled out a bit on finishing packing my labour and postnatal bag (4 days after my due date lol), and then stopped. The second of which was on Thursday night. I was actually getting pretty excited, thinking that if nothing happened overnight, then I would probably have my baby in my arms some time Friday. I've been getting dribs and drabs of my show come away since my first sweep on Wednesday (about 7 hours later), and have been having several small amounts a day since then. Usually bloody ones for about 2-3 toilet trips after each of my two (unsuccessful) sweeps, then normal coloured.
I've been reluctant to say anything, because each time I've been excited, I've been disappointed, which has all helped to culminate in the desperation and hopelessness of yesterday's entry.
However, as a little heads up for all you lovely blog reader people (NOT sharing on FB yet - they will get a Birth Announcement as first sign of anything happened), things MAY be starting up (finally). I started noticing just after lunchtime that my braxton hicks (strong ones now as most of them are) were coming quite frequently. And they have continued fairly frequently throughout the afternoon - but only on walking around the house or standing. Unfortunately bouncing on the ball is having little effect. When sitting, I am still getting them, but much less frequently. I seem to get one the instant I stand up, and every 5-10 minutes if I remain standing up. I am not deluding myself into thinking it could be VERY soon (as in, within the next few hours)... but I am hopeful that things are on the move. That maybe sometime tomorrow I will have my baby in my arms. I could of course carry on standing, walking, pottering, but my legs are so achy right now from the walking this morning, and the walking yesterday. I think right now, as eager as I am to get things MOVING, I should really listen to my body, so I will be walking around as necessary, but not more than necessary. And trying to get plenty of rest. I have a feeling I'll need to be well rested tomorrow! (oh please please - I hope this isn't my body crying wolf again - but this definitely feels more "early labour-ish" to me)
I do wonder if part of it has happened because finally we have made a start on tidying up the old study - we cleared the floor yesterday (a BIG job - took the two of us several hours!!!), and today I managed to nab a corner storage unit second hand for £25 from a local selling site. Jonathan went and collected it, and spent the afternoon setting it up in the old study - I plan on using it for craft things. But hopefully, now that job has been eaten into, and there isn't so much to do, we can have a baby!!! (please please please!)
Something I hadn't actually mentioned here, was actually I've had various "could this be it" moments over the last few days. The first of which was Monday night, I had BH every 5 minutes on the dot from at least 8pm til 8.30pm, before they fizzled out a bit on finishing packing my labour and postnatal bag (4 days after my due date lol), and then stopped. The second of which was on Thursday night. I was actually getting pretty excited, thinking that if nothing happened overnight, then I would probably have my baby in my arms some time Friday. I've been getting dribs and drabs of my show come away since my first sweep on Wednesday (about 7 hours later), and have been having several small amounts a day since then. Usually bloody ones for about 2-3 toilet trips after each of my two (unsuccessful) sweeps, then normal coloured.
I've been reluctant to say anything, because each time I've been excited, I've been disappointed, which has all helped to culminate in the desperation and hopelessness of yesterday's entry.
However, as a little heads up for all you lovely blog reader people (NOT sharing on FB yet - they will get a Birth Announcement as first sign of anything happened), things MAY be starting up (finally). I started noticing just after lunchtime that my braxton hicks (strong ones now as most of them are) were coming quite frequently. And they have continued fairly frequently throughout the afternoon - but only on walking around the house or standing. Unfortunately bouncing on the ball is having little effect. When sitting, I am still getting them, but much less frequently. I seem to get one the instant I stand up, and every 5-10 minutes if I remain standing up. I am not deluding myself into thinking it could be VERY soon (as in, within the next few hours)... but I am hopeful that things are on the move. That maybe sometime tomorrow I will have my baby in my arms. I could of course carry on standing, walking, pottering, but my legs are so achy right now from the walking this morning, and the walking yesterday. I think right now, as eager as I am to get things MOVING, I should really listen to my body, so I will be walking around as necessary, but not more than necessary. And trying to get plenty of rest. I have a feeling I'll need to be well rested tomorrow! (oh please please - I hope this isn't my body crying wolf again - but this definitely feels more "early labour-ish" to me)
I do wonder if part of it has happened because finally we have made a start on tidying up the old study - we cleared the floor yesterday (a BIG job - took the two of us several hours!!!), and today I managed to nab a corner storage unit second hand for £25 from a local selling site. Jonathan went and collected it, and spent the afternoon setting it up in the old study - I plan on using it for craft things. But hopefully, now that job has been eaten into, and there isn't so much to do, we can have a baby!!! (please please please!)
Saturday 11 May 2013
41 weeks 2 days.
I cannot actually believe I'm still pregnant. I am 9 whole days more pregnant than I have ever been before. And THREE WEEKS more pregnant than I was with Christopher. And it is HARD. I can't believe how hard it is. I feel like I'm constantly moaning both to Jonathan and on Facebook. I have one more day before home birth becomes an argument. I have 5 more days before my induction appointment comes around. I feel like my body is doing NOTHING and that the clock is ticking and there is nothing I can do but wait and hope this baby decides to come soon. I feel like everything is on hold until he arrives, I can't motivate myself to do anything that needs to be done. Which leads me to thinking all day about his arrival, when it will happen, how it will happen.
And I'm getting scared. Scared of confrontation about staying at home. Scared of induction. Scared of declining induction. Scared of interventions upon interventions. Scared of stillbirth.
I feel powerless, and scared, and more than anything I just want to meet my baby now. To hold him in my arms and know that he's ok. Why won't my labour start?
And I'm getting scared. Scared of confrontation about staying at home. Scared of induction. Scared of declining induction. Scared of interventions upon interventions. Scared of stillbirth.
I feel powerless, and scared, and more than anything I just want to meet my baby now. To hold him in my arms and know that he's ok. Why won't my labour start?
Thursday 9 May 2013
41 weeks
I'm a whole week post dates now, and yes, STILL pregnant. I never expected to still not be cuddling a baby skin side by now. Robert arrived on his due date, naturally, and Christopher arrived so quickly and easily at 38+2 when induced that I figured he would not have gone too far past his due date if left naturally!
I'm struggling through the nights one at a time. I wake in pain when my hip gets numb from lying on one side and then need to roll over, which is agony. The maternity pillow is not helping anymore and just makes things more cumbersome. Jonathan is now sleeping downstairs until the baby arrives, as when I do roll over in agony in the night I wake up so thoroughly that Jonathan snoring stops me from getting back to sleep quickly. So with him downstairs, I do sleep a bit better.
I wake up in the morning with a mixed feeling of relief and disappointment, relief that I had some sleep, disappointment that I wasn't woken in the night with contractions and the impending birth of my third baby.
I do however, have the overwhelming thought that maybe I was sent this baby boy to give me not what I want, but what I need. And first of all finding out he was a boy.. Maybe being a mum of just boys is what I'm destined for, something that I need to help me in some way through life. That although I want a daughter, maybe 3 (or more) sons is what I need from life.
Then maybe making me wait for his arrival, again, not something I want but maybe what I need, that in the grand scheme I need to feel the sting of waiting.. Day after day after day after day.. So that I appreciate him all the more when he arrives. I have a feeling that the struggles will not end when he is born for this reason, that he will not be an "easy" baby, or that we will have breastfeeding struggles, or something else. But that in overcoming these, we will become stronger as a family, as individuals.
I got a sweep yesterday. I will be getting another one tomorrow. Here's hoping little man gets a move on soon.
I'm struggling through the nights one at a time. I wake in pain when my hip gets numb from lying on one side and then need to roll over, which is agony. The maternity pillow is not helping anymore and just makes things more cumbersome. Jonathan is now sleeping downstairs until the baby arrives, as when I do roll over in agony in the night I wake up so thoroughly that Jonathan snoring stops me from getting back to sleep quickly. So with him downstairs, I do sleep a bit better.
I wake up in the morning with a mixed feeling of relief and disappointment, relief that I had some sleep, disappointment that I wasn't woken in the night with contractions and the impending birth of my third baby.
I do however, have the overwhelming thought that maybe I was sent this baby boy to give me not what I want, but what I need. And first of all finding out he was a boy.. Maybe being a mum of just boys is what I'm destined for, something that I need to help me in some way through life. That although I want a daughter, maybe 3 (or more) sons is what I need from life.
Then maybe making me wait for his arrival, again, not something I want but maybe what I need, that in the grand scheme I need to feel the sting of waiting.. Day after day after day after day.. So that I appreciate him all the more when he arrives. I have a feeling that the struggles will not end when he is born for this reason, that he will not be an "easy" baby, or that we will have breastfeeding struggles, or something else. But that in overcoming these, we will become stronger as a family, as individuals.
I got a sweep yesterday. I will be getting another one tomorrow. Here's hoping little man gets a move on soon.
Saturday 4 May 2013
40+2
Well... My due date came and went. I was kind of surprised as Robert was a due date baby, and we will never know when Christopher was "meant" to be born as he was induced at 38+2. He was 2 weeks old at this point!
I am feeling very achy, my back aches during the day now (I'm doing the typical pregnant woman waddle while pushing my hands into my lower back), and despite finally getting my smallish V cushion out of the loft, I am still in agony in the night with my hips.
I had my 40 week antenatal appointment at home on Thursday. As usual, wee and blood pressure was fine, baby measured smaller than the previous week (haha) but then it was a different midwife, and she measured my bump off to one side (!?) rather than the middle, plus baby was apparently 3/5s engaged this time.
Since then, I have been labour symptom spotting, and getting quite cross with myself about it, as I know it's only making me more impatient! I am sitting down after a long day's trudging about Wicksteed Park, thinking perhaps I might be getting some very mild period type pains which could be the beginning, and wondering if, maybe, we might have a Bank Holiday Weekend baby! Time will tell of course and I do hope it is the case, I am so eager to meet him, and introduce him to all of you!
I am feeling very achy, my back aches during the day now (I'm doing the typical pregnant woman waddle while pushing my hands into my lower back), and despite finally getting my smallish V cushion out of the loft, I am still in agony in the night with my hips.
I had my 40 week antenatal appointment at home on Thursday. As usual, wee and blood pressure was fine, baby measured smaller than the previous week (haha) but then it was a different midwife, and she measured my bump off to one side (!?) rather than the middle, plus baby was apparently 3/5s engaged this time.
Since then, I have been labour symptom spotting, and getting quite cross with myself about it, as I know it's only making me more impatient! I am sitting down after a long day's trudging about Wicksteed Park, thinking perhaps I might be getting some very mild period type pains which could be the beginning, and wondering if, maybe, we might have a Bank Holiday Weekend baby! Time will tell of course and I do hope it is the case, I am so eager to meet him, and introduce him to all of you!
Monday 29 April 2013
39 weeks 4 days
So I'm nearing the end of my third and most easy going, uneventful pregnancy to date. I remember, during my first pregnancy, during which I was classed as low risk, I felt almost bored a lot of the time. I wanted more antenatal appointments, to be made a fuss of I suppose. After all, it was my first baby, it was all new to me, and exciting, but not as exciting as maybe I thought it would be. I had awful heartburn from very early on in my pregnancy, and at the end my feet were horribly swollen to the point of pain if I so much as sat up normally. Luckily though, I suppose, I had the luxury of being able to keep my feet up on the sofa all day to keep the swelling down.
With my second, well, I had a 9 day old baby by now! From 28 weeks I saw a health professional practically every week. Either my midwife, or a consultant, or a dietician, because of the gestational diabetes I had developed. And it quickly got very irritating.
This time round however, no gestational diabetes, no swelling, much better heartburn, and a normal amount of appointments, which, given two other children to take care of, and fitting things around Robert's nursery sessions, is a blessing.
I am just 3 days away from the big EDD, which incidentally was the gestation that Robert was born at. I have had no signs that things might be about to start, not since I had the runs a few weeks ago. I am however, getting increasingly tired, not just from the ever growing bump, but also the fact that I am sleeping HORRIBLY. It's not just the peeing in the middle of the night... The feeling of needing to pee rarely wakes me. But I do still pee when I wake up in agony where the hip I've been laying on gets numb and puts my pelvis out of whack. My soft V pillow is still in the loft, and may help if I have it down. Ideally I want it down tonight to see if it actually gets me a better night's sleep. I find I stay more comfortable for longer if I lay on my back, which you're not supposed to do in late pregnancy!
I still have lots to get done ready for baby's big arrival. Sheets and newborn hats/bibs/muslins/socks need to be washed. Cot needs to be emptied and raised up to the right level, and got a sheet on it. It would be nice to get the study sorted out too, but I have no idea when that is realistically going to get done now. Emotionally, I am READY for baby to be here. But in terms of things getting done.. Yes baby can wait a little while. I just hope the baby doesn't wait too *much* longer.
With my second, well, I had a 9 day old baby by now! From 28 weeks I saw a health professional practically every week. Either my midwife, or a consultant, or a dietician, because of the gestational diabetes I had developed. And it quickly got very irritating.
This time round however, no gestational diabetes, no swelling, much better heartburn, and a normal amount of appointments, which, given two other children to take care of, and fitting things around Robert's nursery sessions, is a blessing.
I am just 3 days away from the big EDD, which incidentally was the gestation that Robert was born at. I have had no signs that things might be about to start, not since I had the runs a few weeks ago. I am however, getting increasingly tired, not just from the ever growing bump, but also the fact that I am sleeping HORRIBLY. It's not just the peeing in the middle of the night... The feeling of needing to pee rarely wakes me. But I do still pee when I wake up in agony where the hip I've been laying on gets numb and puts my pelvis out of whack. My soft V pillow is still in the loft, and may help if I have it down. Ideally I want it down tonight to see if it actually gets me a better night's sleep. I find I stay more comfortable for longer if I lay on my back, which you're not supposed to do in late pregnancy!
I still have lots to get done ready for baby's big arrival. Sheets and newborn hats/bibs/muslins/socks need to be washed. Cot needs to be emptied and raised up to the right level, and got a sheet on it. It would be nice to get the study sorted out too, but I have no idea when that is realistically going to get done now. Emotionally, I am READY for baby to be here. But in terms of things getting done.. Yes baby can wait a little while. I just hope the baby doesn't wait too *much* longer.
Wednesday 10 April 2013
36 weeks 6 days - almost full term!
Well I've had an interesting few days. The weekend saw my dad and step-mum come up for a visit, they stayed overnight in a nearby hotel and came back on the Sunday as well. We enjoyed seeing them and we went out for a couple of nice meals. On Monday morning however, both Jonathan and I got struck down by a diarrhoea and vomitting bug. Well, Jonathan just felt sick, and had the diarrhoea, whereas I was sick twice in the morning, as well as the diarrhoea, and felt AWFUL for the rest of the day. So much so I spent a large chunk in bed, sleeping or dozing, and even when I wanted to get up, I was incapable of watching over the boys, as they weren't playing nicely enough for me to simply sit WITH them in silence and stillness which was what I needed. I could have stayed in bed but there was only so much time I could spend in bed! So Jonathan couldn't have a rest and ended up looking after the boys all day. He was getting tired and ratty, and not feeling too well, so eventually I phoned his parents to ask them if they would mind having the boys over for tea and then overnight so Jonathan and I could get some rest and get better. So after the boys left around 5pm-ish, Jonathan went upstairs for a rest, and I stayed up on the sofa, facebooking and resting there, and then eventually decided to try an apple. I hadn't been sick since before lunchtime (that I recall - the day merged into each other) so I thought I'd give it a go.
Anyway, what with the tummy cramps from the illness most of the day, I did notice an increase of braxton hicks throughout the day, and then started to feel a bit concerned that maybe the diarrhoea would bring labour on early! Given that I was only 2 days away from my homebirth date, I was a bit disappointed if it would kick off!
We watched the second episode of the new Game of Thrones series, while we ate some toast, around 8.30pm, and went to bed shortly after finishing watching tv. I slept horribly, my tummy was still cramping, which was keeping me awake, and when that wasn't keeping me awake, Jonathan was wheezing and that was keeping me awake. I tried sleeping in Robert's bed, but didn't sleep well there either. At around midnight, I went for a wee, and when I wiped, I saw blood, with mucus. My bloody show! Eeeep! Or a part of it at least! Holy crap, I thought, but went back to bed and hoped it would all settle down again. Luckily, it did, and finally after I went to the toilet for a bowel movement at around 6.40am, my tummy pains settled and I got the first bit of decent sleep until about 9am. I phoned the midwife early in the morning as well, to talk about the diarrhoea, and tummy pains, braxton hicks and the mucus plug, but she wasn't concerned and said it would be fine to wait it out.
The boys went to bed fine apparently, which was good. And I did some washing, and a dishwasher load, and tidied up the carnage from the day before. I decided I was just well enough on Tuesday afternoon to drive and pick up the boys. I felt much better from the get go - I got dressed for a start!! And I was indeed fine for the drive - it distracted me from any lingering queasiness if anything! I felt very grateful for the small break from the boys, and it's nice to know that in situations where we're struggling that we do have the support. I reassured the in-laws that it wasn't going to be a regular thing, and how grateful we were. We would have struggled through no doubt, but it helped LOADS to have those 18 hours or so without them.
Anyway, we have now reached 10th April - which is the date that my midwife thinks I'm 37 weeks, (her wheel thing keeps saying I'm a day ahead of what I am!) so I am now cleared for a homebirth as of today! Baby is still wriggling loads, and in fact his movements since the illness seem to have become slightly stronger. I'm not sure if maybe he engaged a little so his legs have more room to kick? Who knows.
Also on other news, I think I know what the baby's name will be. I still want to wait for the birth until I tell Jonathan what I think we should call him. I just feel it would be a bit weird to call him by "name" before he's born. And I know that if we officially name him before he is born, that the name would get used in conversation, at least between us, and I don't feel quite comfortable with that for some reason! Maybe part of me is still a bit doubtful whether or not he's a boy - which is silly, because we SAW his boy bits. True, they weren't as obvious as Robert's boy bits, but still ;)
Anyway, I do wonder if we'll end up with an April or a May baby. 39 weeks 5 days or before, and he'll be an April baby, 39 weeks 6 days or more and he'll be a May baby. Robert was bang on his scan due date of 23rd November, and Christopher was 12 days early (and therefore a September baby rather than an October baby!), but induced.
Anyway, what with the tummy cramps from the illness most of the day, I did notice an increase of braxton hicks throughout the day, and then started to feel a bit concerned that maybe the diarrhoea would bring labour on early! Given that I was only 2 days away from my homebirth date, I was a bit disappointed if it would kick off!
We watched the second episode of the new Game of Thrones series, while we ate some toast, around 8.30pm, and went to bed shortly after finishing watching tv. I slept horribly, my tummy was still cramping, which was keeping me awake, and when that wasn't keeping me awake, Jonathan was wheezing and that was keeping me awake. I tried sleeping in Robert's bed, but didn't sleep well there either. At around midnight, I went for a wee, and when I wiped, I saw blood, with mucus. My bloody show! Eeeep! Or a part of it at least! Holy crap, I thought, but went back to bed and hoped it would all settle down again. Luckily, it did, and finally after I went to the toilet for a bowel movement at around 6.40am, my tummy pains settled and I got the first bit of decent sleep until about 9am. I phoned the midwife early in the morning as well, to talk about the diarrhoea, and tummy pains, braxton hicks and the mucus plug, but she wasn't concerned and said it would be fine to wait it out.
The boys went to bed fine apparently, which was good. And I did some washing, and a dishwasher load, and tidied up the carnage from the day before. I decided I was just well enough on Tuesday afternoon to drive and pick up the boys. I felt much better from the get go - I got dressed for a start!! And I was indeed fine for the drive - it distracted me from any lingering queasiness if anything! I felt very grateful for the small break from the boys, and it's nice to know that in situations where we're struggling that we do have the support. I reassured the in-laws that it wasn't going to be a regular thing, and how grateful we were. We would have struggled through no doubt, but it helped LOADS to have those 18 hours or so without them.
Anyway, we have now reached 10th April - which is the date that my midwife thinks I'm 37 weeks, (her wheel thing keeps saying I'm a day ahead of what I am!) so I am now cleared for a homebirth as of today! Baby is still wriggling loads, and in fact his movements since the illness seem to have become slightly stronger. I'm not sure if maybe he engaged a little so his legs have more room to kick? Who knows.
Also on other news, I think I know what the baby's name will be. I still want to wait for the birth until I tell Jonathan what I think we should call him. I just feel it would be a bit weird to call him by "name" before he's born. And I know that if we officially name him before he is born, that the name would get used in conversation, at least between us, and I don't feel quite comfortable with that for some reason! Maybe part of me is still a bit doubtful whether or not he's a boy - which is silly, because we SAW his boy bits. True, they weren't as obvious as Robert's boy bits, but still ;)
Anyway, I do wonder if we'll end up with an April or a May baby. 39 weeks 5 days or before, and he'll be an April baby, 39 weeks 6 days or more and he'll be a May baby. Robert was bang on his scan due date of 23rd November, and Christopher was 12 days early (and therefore a September baby rather than an October baby!), but induced.
Friday 5 April 2013
36 weeks pregnant! Home birth set up appointment
So yesterday I was 36 weeks exactly, and I had my appointment with my midwife Beverley for my homebirth set-up. I was left feeling a little rail-roaded if truth be told. The usual antenatal checks were fine, with 90/60 BP (my highest isn't usually more than 115/75), clear wee, nice head down position on the baby, heartrate fine, measuring bang on for dates, and so on.
This was all done towards the end of the session. She went through the stuff like how is the access, where I was planning on birthing, is there hot water available, clean warm towels and clothing for baby, etc. And then came the "this is what will happen in xyz situation". Birth must happen between 37 weeks and 41+3 weeks or I'll have to go to hospital. Birth must happen before 42 weeks or I'll be induced. Birth must happen within 24 hours of my waters breaking or I will be induced (with a drip). If my waters break and there is muconium present I must birth in hospital. I must have 3-4 hourly vaginal examinations during my labour to assess the progress of labour. Oh and even if none of these happen, if the midwives are already out on a home birth, I must go into hospital.
Some of the emergency things - fine. Cord prolapse, hemmorage, fetal resuscitation (been there), severe tearing, so on. I just felt like I was tensing up though during the situations I "must" give birth in hospital, I did stand my ground (to an extent) with some of them, but others I just nodded along. I, of course, want a healthy baby at the end of it, and I would of course transfer in a true medical emergencies, but some of them seem to be just for the staffing's convenience, or fear of litigation.
I asked what would happen if my waters broke, showed some muconium, but I gave birth shortly after? Would the baby and I have to transfer? And she said they would do observations on the baby 4 hourly if baby seemed well. If baby seemed to be having trouble breathing then we would transfer.
The whole manner in which this was all delivered seemed rather like it happened quite often, and that I'd be damned lucky to get a home birth. It made me feel less confident in a home birth (I wonder if that's the point??), but right now, as someone said to me, take everything they've said and stick a "It's policy to" in front of it - and that I have the right to go against the policy if I choose to. For example, it's policy to be induced if labour hasn't started within 24 hours after waters have broken, or it's policy to offer vaginal examinations 3-4 hourly during labour. I hope I can find the strength within myself to do this - and to do it right. And to trust myself to differentiate my wants and my needs, and listen to my needs and the needs of my baby if they contradict my wants. I hope they won't - I hope my wants and my needs co-incide and that I get the birth I have always wanted.
This was all done towards the end of the session. She went through the stuff like how is the access, where I was planning on birthing, is there hot water available, clean warm towels and clothing for baby, etc. And then came the "this is what will happen in xyz situation". Birth must happen between 37 weeks and 41+3 weeks or I'll have to go to hospital. Birth must happen before 42 weeks or I'll be induced. Birth must happen within 24 hours of my waters breaking or I will be induced (with a drip). If my waters break and there is muconium present I must birth in hospital. I must have 3-4 hourly vaginal examinations during my labour to assess the progress of labour. Oh and even if none of these happen, if the midwives are already out on a home birth, I must go into hospital.
Some of the emergency things - fine. Cord prolapse, hemmorage, fetal resuscitation (been there), severe tearing, so on. I just felt like I was tensing up though during the situations I "must" give birth in hospital, I did stand my ground (to an extent) with some of them, but others I just nodded along. I, of course, want a healthy baby at the end of it, and I would of course transfer in a true medical emergencies, but some of them seem to be just for the staffing's convenience, or fear of litigation.
I asked what would happen if my waters broke, showed some muconium, but I gave birth shortly after? Would the baby and I have to transfer? And she said they would do observations on the baby 4 hourly if baby seemed well. If baby seemed to be having trouble breathing then we would transfer.
The whole manner in which this was all delivered seemed rather like it happened quite often, and that I'd be damned lucky to get a home birth. It made me feel less confident in a home birth (I wonder if that's the point??), but right now, as someone said to me, take everything they've said and stick a "It's policy to" in front of it - and that I have the right to go against the policy if I choose to. For example, it's policy to be induced if labour hasn't started within 24 hours after waters have broken, or it's policy to offer vaginal examinations 3-4 hourly during labour. I hope I can find the strength within myself to do this - and to do it right. And to trust myself to differentiate my wants and my needs, and listen to my needs and the needs of my baby if they contradict my wants. I hope they won't - I hope my wants and my needs co-incide and that I get the birth I have always wanted.
Saturday 16 March 2013
33 weeks - pregnancy stuff, nappy stuff, kid stuff
So, 33 weeks and counting here! I'm getting SO big now, and achy. Waddling already, rolling off the sofa like a beached whale, that kind of thing. I'm enjoying having a big ol' pregnant tummy, but boy I forgot how exhausting it is! And I think sometimes that I have SEVEN more weeks to go. SEVEN! Which is an age away, and when people dare to say it's not that long, they face the pregnant woman's wrath ;) Seven weeks more growing, bigger belly, possibly swelling to come. But for now, it's manageable.
Heartburn comes and goes in waves - some days/weeks it's awful then it goes away for a while. I had a couple of nights last week which were awful, one night I couldn't sleep til I took some gaviscon (which I will avoid taking like the plague!). The next night it seemed to feel as bad so I took some before I went to bed, which was a much smarter thing to do.
Baby boy is now squirming and pushing arms and legs around in there rather than fierce kicks. Goes to show how big he is getting and that he's already running out of room. He definitely has his more active moments, which can leave me feeling rather breathless and sore!
The midwives appointments I've had this pregnancy are going well - my body seems to cope very well with it, I've never had a high blood pressure reading, nor anything show up in my wee. Baby is growing well too and was measuring 34cm on my visit last week at 32w6d.
I have my homebirth assessment visit early next month when I'll be 36 weeks. Seems crazy that I'm so close to the end already. I mentioned to my dad that I'm having another homebirth, and well, he didn't say much but what he did say made it clear he wasn't sure I was doing the right thing by that (but tried to sound supportive in saying that it was my choice lol). But I'm convinced it will be fine, after all, I have the experience of two births behind me, and taken things from each one.
Jonathan and I are busy preparing for the visit, as well as getting all the bits in the house ready that we want to be sorted before the baby arrives. It's a LONG list but we managed to sort out the boys' room (I say we, it was mostly Jonathan), with the boys' new beds, and moved the cot back into our room. We still have a lot more tidying to do, and cleaning too but our hoover's fan belt has broken so we can't vacuum anything now until that gets replaced. Next on the agenda is the stairs, hallway and our bedroom, as we are getting our new bed delivered at the end of the month. Then will be the old study getting sorted, and things being brought down to the new study. And the lounge as well. The boys bedroom looks great now - so much more roomy despite the two beds in there being bigger than the two beds that were there previously! Robert has a single bed now, and Christopher has Robert's old cotbed that's seen him through from birth until almost 4 and a half.
Christopher's speech has suddenly come on loads in the last few weeks. His vocabulary (though still unrecognisable to a lot of people) has exploded, and he is now joining several words together a lot of the time. He is still enjoying his jigsaw puzzles, although he is doing them by choice less often, and most surprisingly to me, he is learning letter sounds!! I know that second children pick stuff up from older siblings, but for goodness sake, he's 2 and a half and he knows the sounds for g, c, e, o, s, l, z, p, k, and less reliably for a, d, t, f, i, r. I bought the boys some foam letters for the bath today, so they played with them in the bath. Robert is coming on so well with reading and knowing how to spell simple words. I need to focus on him actually physically writing the words down too, but with pre-made letter shapes he will spell out all kinds of words, and even had a go at spelling elephant - it came out "elft" but I was still so proud! I also began to teach him about the magic e - by putting down words like "kit" and "win" and then adding an e and telling him they change the sound of the i, and did a few more words for him to practice on, all with i tonight. I know he's not specifically going to be learning how to read until he starts reception, but I figure that as he's enthusiastic, it can't hurt to give him a head start! He already knows that oo make the ooooooh sound, and ee make the sound of the letter E, so he can read words like "poo" and "sleep". He even spelt out "peas" by himself, writing "peez" :)
It's lovely to see both of the boys new achievements, and how also they feed into each other. Christopher is suddenly much more affectionate these days, and often catches sight of me and says "mummy uck!" (mummy hug) and comes and gives me a cuddle. It also makes my day when I hear him say "Booboo uck!" because that's his way of saying "Robert hug" - Booboo is his name for Robert!! So sweet! Robert to himself used to be "Ubberd". Christopher has yet to refer to himself by name though :) Christopher's new favourite phases/words though - by FAR - unfortunately, are "no WAY!" and "YUCK!" which we hear several times a day. I try to encourage "No thank you" rather than "No WAY!" but I often can't stop myself laughing! Ooops.
On other news, I have bought some cloth nappies!! Well, ordered them anyway. I have a few already I bought cheaply from someone on facebook, hardly used, and some from freegle which well.. I'm assuming have seen better days. I'm not sure if I can get those worthy for use, we'll see. But I've bought 12 minky pocket nappies, 9 with poppers and 3 with velcro, that go from birth to potty. So exciting!! I can't wait to get them, it also means I can have a go with Christopher!! :) I've ordered some extra inserts to go with them too, to bring my order total above £60 as my local government give £25 cashback on cloth nappy purchases over £60. So a little over £35 for 12 pocket nappy wraps, and 44 insert pads isn't bad at all! :) And they're so perdy!!! Oooh I can't wait to share photos!!
Anyway I'll leave this here for now, I've rambled on enough and it's getting late. :)
Heartburn comes and goes in waves - some days/weeks it's awful then it goes away for a while. I had a couple of nights last week which were awful, one night I couldn't sleep til I took some gaviscon (which I will avoid taking like the plague!). The next night it seemed to feel as bad so I took some before I went to bed, which was a much smarter thing to do.
Baby boy is now squirming and pushing arms and legs around in there rather than fierce kicks. Goes to show how big he is getting and that he's already running out of room. He definitely has his more active moments, which can leave me feeling rather breathless and sore!
The midwives appointments I've had this pregnancy are going well - my body seems to cope very well with it, I've never had a high blood pressure reading, nor anything show up in my wee. Baby is growing well too and was measuring 34cm on my visit last week at 32w6d.
I have my homebirth assessment visit early next month when I'll be 36 weeks. Seems crazy that I'm so close to the end already. I mentioned to my dad that I'm having another homebirth, and well, he didn't say much but what he did say made it clear he wasn't sure I was doing the right thing by that (but tried to sound supportive in saying that it was my choice lol). But I'm convinced it will be fine, after all, I have the experience of two births behind me, and taken things from each one.
Jonathan and I are busy preparing for the visit, as well as getting all the bits in the house ready that we want to be sorted before the baby arrives. It's a LONG list but we managed to sort out the boys' room (I say we, it was mostly Jonathan), with the boys' new beds, and moved the cot back into our room. We still have a lot more tidying to do, and cleaning too but our hoover's fan belt has broken so we can't vacuum anything now until that gets replaced. Next on the agenda is the stairs, hallway and our bedroom, as we are getting our new bed delivered at the end of the month. Then will be the old study getting sorted, and things being brought down to the new study. And the lounge as well. The boys bedroom looks great now - so much more roomy despite the two beds in there being bigger than the two beds that were there previously! Robert has a single bed now, and Christopher has Robert's old cotbed that's seen him through from birth until almost 4 and a half.
Christopher's speech has suddenly come on loads in the last few weeks. His vocabulary (though still unrecognisable to a lot of people) has exploded, and he is now joining several words together a lot of the time. He is still enjoying his jigsaw puzzles, although he is doing them by choice less often, and most surprisingly to me, he is learning letter sounds!! I know that second children pick stuff up from older siblings, but for goodness sake, he's 2 and a half and he knows the sounds for g, c, e, o, s, l, z, p, k, and less reliably for a, d, t, f, i, r. I bought the boys some foam letters for the bath today, so they played with them in the bath. Robert is coming on so well with reading and knowing how to spell simple words. I need to focus on him actually physically writing the words down too, but with pre-made letter shapes he will spell out all kinds of words, and even had a go at spelling elephant - it came out "elft" but I was still so proud! I also began to teach him about the magic e - by putting down words like "kit" and "win" and then adding an e and telling him they change the sound of the i, and did a few more words for him to practice on, all with i tonight. I know he's not specifically going to be learning how to read until he starts reception, but I figure that as he's enthusiastic, it can't hurt to give him a head start! He already knows that oo make the ooooooh sound, and ee make the sound of the letter E, so he can read words like "poo" and "sleep". He even spelt out "peas" by himself, writing "peez" :)
It's lovely to see both of the boys new achievements, and how also they feed into each other. Christopher is suddenly much more affectionate these days, and often catches sight of me and says "mummy uck!" (mummy hug) and comes and gives me a cuddle. It also makes my day when I hear him say "Booboo uck!" because that's his way of saying "Robert hug" - Booboo is his name for Robert!! So sweet! Robert to himself used to be "Ubberd". Christopher has yet to refer to himself by name though :) Christopher's new favourite phases/words though - by FAR - unfortunately, are "no WAY!" and "YUCK!" which we hear several times a day. I try to encourage "No thank you" rather than "No WAY!" but I often can't stop myself laughing! Ooops.
On other news, I have bought some cloth nappies!! Well, ordered them anyway. I have a few already I bought cheaply from someone on facebook, hardly used, and some from freegle which well.. I'm assuming have seen better days. I'm not sure if I can get those worthy for use, we'll see. But I've bought 12 minky pocket nappies, 9 with poppers and 3 with velcro, that go from birth to potty. So exciting!! I can't wait to get them, it also means I can have a go with Christopher!! :) I've ordered some extra inserts to go with them too, to bring my order total above £60 as my local government give £25 cashback on cloth nappy purchases over £60. So a little over £35 for 12 pocket nappy wraps, and 44 insert pads isn't bad at all! :) And they're so perdy!!! Oooh I can't wait to share photos!!
Anyway I'll leave this here for now, I've rambled on enough and it's getting late. :)
Monday 18 February 2013
29 weeks 4 days - HEARTBURN. Ick.
So... heartburn has arrived... well and truly arrived. And it's horrid!! I've been getting bouts of it every single day for about the last 5 days or so, pretty severe ones, to the point where I did take gaviscon for the first severe lot, then remembered just how gross gaviscon was, and put up with worse heartburn than I should have done really to avoid taking it again. I've bought some rennies which say they are suitable in pregnancy, and I have a couple of those if I get a bad bout of it. I know they're not as good as the "mangoop" as I call it for sorting it out, but they're infinitely nicer (and remind me of the refresher sweets!!). Maybe baby boy is having a hair growth spurt? ;) He is also getting bigger, I often feel him stretching out, and feel his foot just pushing out of the side of my tummy, so hard it almost hurts! And I had two comments this morning, as I took Robert to nursery, about how in just a week my tummy seemed to have got lots bigger. I still haven't taken 28 week photos - I think I'll save it for 30 weeks now, and I've finally had the 24 week photos transferred to the computer so I'll sort those out too. I guess by 30 weeks it'll be quite some difference!!
My appetite has shot up too. Although I'm not always making the healthiest choices :/ I know I'm getting fatter again as well as getting the bump... and I know if my eating habits continue this way I'll keep going up and up! At least I am getting a bit of exercise each day - even if it isn't a lot, as we do live quite close to the school. But by the time we're walking back up our street, I find myself getting tired and out of breath. I know this is partly because I'm pregnant, pushing a buggy with a 2 year old in, but also I'm guessing the poor diet I'm currently eating isn't helping. Must try to eat better - I think for lunch today, even though I've snacked TERRIBLY this morning since Robert's been in nursery, I will try and do a hard boiled egg and ham salad with mayo. The kids might eat it too, at least I'll give them some and see how much they eat!!
Anyway, time to go, and pick up Robert from nursery :)
My appetite has shot up too. Although I'm not always making the healthiest choices :/ I know I'm getting fatter again as well as getting the bump... and I know if my eating habits continue this way I'll keep going up and up! At least I am getting a bit of exercise each day - even if it isn't a lot, as we do live quite close to the school. But by the time we're walking back up our street, I find myself getting tired and out of breath. I know this is partly because I'm pregnant, pushing a buggy with a 2 year old in, but also I'm guessing the poor diet I'm currently eating isn't helping. Must try to eat better - I think for lunch today, even though I've snacked TERRIBLY this morning since Robert's been in nursery, I will try and do a hard boiled egg and ham salad with mayo. The kids might eat it too, at least I'll give them some and see how much they eat!!
Anyway, time to go, and pick up Robert from nursery :)
Thursday 14 February 2013
29 weeks pregnant! And other things.
Today I turn 29 weeks pregnant. One week til the big three-oh! 30 weeks seems like a huge milestone! It's three quarters of the way through, still a way to go, and the hardest in some respects, but yay! I had my 28 week appointment yesterday - the midwife keeps thinking I'm at the next day up by her wheel thing - so yesterday she thought I was 29 weeks when I was 28+6 ;) I had both boys with me, because I forgot that it was half term this week and that Robert wasn't at nursery. But they were both so well behaved! We got there early because I forgot to grab a wee sample bottle last time, so I got one from reception and filled it then and there (well, not at the reception desk!! lol) before the appointment. The boys played in the doctors surgery play area (which consists of a nailed down bead table, a few chairs and some rather (ahem) well played with books (ie, pages missing, corners bitten out, spines broken etc). There was a woman I've seen before a few times, once when Christopher was a bump still, she had her baby in a home made sling, and being interested in slings myself at the time I struck up a conversation with her. Then I saw her again at a sling meet, then more recently in the swimming pool, and she was at the dentist yesterday. Anyway, when they came into the midwife's office with me, they were both very well behaved and quiet. Which made a change from the previous appointment, which had Christopher screaming the entire appointment, because I hadn't realised he wanted to put a borrowed book away before going into the office! Gah! Christopher sat in his buggy the whole time (he had got in voluntarily before wheeling into the office), and Robert, was standing quietly, watching, as she did the usual wee and blood pressure checks (still fine). Then when she came to listen to his baby brother, he became much more interested, and he leant RIGHT over staring at the doppler, as if he was expecting to see his baby right under it ;) We talk about the baby lots, and when he heard the heart beat, we drew the parallel to when he can feel his own heart beating, but I think his understanding is very limited right now. It took the midwife a while to get a good listen on the heartbeat because he kept shifting around, but eventually she managed it :) She asked if we knew whether it was a boy or a girl, and I said, "yes it's another boy", and she said "Wow, you're well and truly outnumbered now aren't you?" "Yep, and no chance of catching up now, there's no way I'm having six!" I replied. Anyway, baby boy is apparently head down (and reading my notes, apparently he was at 25 weeks as well!), and measuring bang on target at 29cm.
On other news, the kitchen is now almost completely done. The walls have now had sufficient coats on to look even, which was 3 on the magnolia, and 2 on the cappucino wall. Glossing done, including a new shiny coat on the radiator (amazing how much better it looks for a new coat of paint!!). I've not cut in on the edges well though, and while it looks ok from the head on angle, when you get closer it looks awful :( So I think I'm going to mask it off and re-do the edges. Then will come getting all the painting equipment out of the kitchen, pulling up the masking tape and newspaper off the floor and cleaning up any stray splashes (of water soluble paint - the gloss was well contained!!) Then just the table to await on Saturday morning!
One last bit of news, was that we've tried Robert without pull ups overnight. He was leaking through them and leaving wet patches on his bed anyway, and damp pyjamas, so we thought we'd try and see if the sensation of being REALLY wet would help him. The first three nights we did as normal, just without pull ups. He still wet the bed every night. The next night we decided to wake him when we went to bed and got him to go for a wee, which, despite being forewarned before bedtime, took a long time, as he had a MASSIVE tantrum and refused to do anything. Eventually we think he did one. He went back to bed, and he woke up in the morning with a dry bed. Then last night we did the same as the night before. Only he had already wet the bed when we went to get him up. He was fast asleep and hadn't even noticed he'd wet the bed, so I think he'll be going back in pull ups again :( (And making sure that they're on straight, that his willy is pointing down, and try and avoid any leakages). It's a pain that he is a big 4 year old - the size 6s do fit on him, but before we would put them up a size if they leaked, but being a size 6 there is no larger size, unless we start going onto the "night time pants" which are pull ups for older kids - and marked up in price accordingly. Anyhow, I'm sure he'll get there some time... I just can't see when!
On other news, the kitchen is now almost completely done. The walls have now had sufficient coats on to look even, which was 3 on the magnolia, and 2 on the cappucino wall. Glossing done, including a new shiny coat on the radiator (amazing how much better it looks for a new coat of paint!!). I've not cut in on the edges well though, and while it looks ok from the head on angle, when you get closer it looks awful :( So I think I'm going to mask it off and re-do the edges. Then will come getting all the painting equipment out of the kitchen, pulling up the masking tape and newspaper off the floor and cleaning up any stray splashes (of water soluble paint - the gloss was well contained!!) Then just the table to await on Saturday morning!
One last bit of news, was that we've tried Robert without pull ups overnight. He was leaking through them and leaving wet patches on his bed anyway, and damp pyjamas, so we thought we'd try and see if the sensation of being REALLY wet would help him. The first three nights we did as normal, just without pull ups. He still wet the bed every night. The next night we decided to wake him when we went to bed and got him to go for a wee, which, despite being forewarned before bedtime, took a long time, as he had a MASSIVE tantrum and refused to do anything. Eventually we think he did one. He went back to bed, and he woke up in the morning with a dry bed. Then last night we did the same as the night before. Only he had already wet the bed when we went to get him up. He was fast asleep and hadn't even noticed he'd wet the bed, so I think he'll be going back in pull ups again :( (And making sure that they're on straight, that his willy is pointing down, and try and avoid any leakages). It's a pain that he is a big 4 year old - the size 6s do fit on him, but before we would put them up a size if they leaked, but being a size 6 there is no larger size, unless we start going onto the "night time pants" which are pull ups for older kids - and marked up in price accordingly. Anyhow, I'm sure he'll get there some time... I just can't see when!
Saturday 9 February 2013
Cloth nappies
So, when I was pregnant with Robert, I entertained the idea of using cloth nappies. I liked the idea of the financial and economical benefits to using them, but felt so overwhelmed in the end by the idea of them. But... This time I have decided to bite the bullet and go for it. My sister in law has given me two tot bots nappies and a waterproof wrap. I have also bought some second hand nappies from a Facebook friend. £15 including postage for 6 mother care wraps with lots of washable insert pads, and 2 bambino Mia wraps with 11 insert pads. Plus a load of flushable liners, some washing powder etc. Anyway these have given me some idea of how to use them, so I'm feeling less daunted by the process! I have a feeling that we'll need to get to know how much padding to put in but I'm sure it'll be a piece of cake. :)
Tuesday 5 February 2013
27 weeks 5 days update
Well... what to update with! This pregnancy is going very smoothly thus far. Which I'm grateful for. But I am eating far less healthily than I want to, or should. I feel like I have not been eating as many veg as I should, probably not getting very far in my "5 a day" and all of those probably being fruit. And I believe that is why, the last couple of days, I've been feeling a bit bad in my digestive track - the last few days I have had (and sorry for TMI): diarrhoea, horrendously stinky wind, eggy burps and heartburn. I really want to try and eat better, and get myself feeling healthier, and not piling on so many pounds. I've gone from a size 12 pre-pregnancy, to size 16 maternity clothes, and I am feeling whale-like, and not in a good pregnancy way. I guess that's what comes of finding a good brownie recipe, and still not kicking the christmas eating regime.
On pregnancy related care, my next midwife appointment is on the 13th February. Before then, preferably I suppose this Friday or next Monday, I need to get my 28 week blood tests done. I think I'll end up doing those while Robert is in nursery, and bringing Christopher with me, and hoping he's ok in the room. We have a local outpatient clinic which is a very short drive away, so fairly convenient for me to get to.
Another thing that's happening soon is that we're getting our new dining furniture. We had a small table, which seats 4 comfortably, 6 less comfortably. We're going to get a table which seats 6 more comfortably, with possibly more at a squeeze. It's on order to arrive on the 16th February, and we've organised for my mum to come up that day as well so they can take our current table away with them, so we're not left table-less, or left hoarding a table and chairs for ages. We are also planning on getting the kitchen completely finished and decorated by then. I made a start on it last week, finally getting around to painting the wood skirting, windowsill, and small partition window frame with a primer undercoat. This morning, while Robert was at nursery, and Christopher was at the inlaws, I put plaster primer on the walls in the kitchen so when that's dry, we should be able to start painting. For a start we'll just do magnolia on all but one wall, the last wall I have bought a "cappucino" coloured paint. And I might see about getting a patterned paint roller to put an effect over the top of the cappucino wall.
I think though all the stretching and reaching into awkward places pulled a ligament on my right hand side. I felt uncomfortable and in pain on the right of my bump all afternoon, and only noticed it had eased off by the evening. But as it's eased off, I think I'll try and get round to priming the ceiling plaster tomorrow, so hopefully we'll be finishing off the decorating this weekend. Which will be a relief when it's done :) One less job to finish before baby arrives. Then to get cracking on sorting out the old study, and bringing everything else we need for the study back down here. Then we should have a bit of breathing space upstairs to sort out the boys' sleeping situations - move Robert from the cotbed into a single bed (!), moving Christopher from the cot into the cotbed, and moving the cot back into our bedroom. Fun fun, but at least plenty to keep us busy!!
On pregnancy related care, my next midwife appointment is on the 13th February. Before then, preferably I suppose this Friday or next Monday, I need to get my 28 week blood tests done. I think I'll end up doing those while Robert is in nursery, and bringing Christopher with me, and hoping he's ok in the room. We have a local outpatient clinic which is a very short drive away, so fairly convenient for me to get to.
Another thing that's happening soon is that we're getting our new dining furniture. We had a small table, which seats 4 comfortably, 6 less comfortably. We're going to get a table which seats 6 more comfortably, with possibly more at a squeeze. It's on order to arrive on the 16th February, and we've organised for my mum to come up that day as well so they can take our current table away with them, so we're not left table-less, or left hoarding a table and chairs for ages. We are also planning on getting the kitchen completely finished and decorated by then. I made a start on it last week, finally getting around to painting the wood skirting, windowsill, and small partition window frame with a primer undercoat. This morning, while Robert was at nursery, and Christopher was at the inlaws, I put plaster primer on the walls in the kitchen so when that's dry, we should be able to start painting. For a start we'll just do magnolia on all but one wall, the last wall I have bought a "cappucino" coloured paint. And I might see about getting a patterned paint roller to put an effect over the top of the cappucino wall.
I think though all the stretching and reaching into awkward places pulled a ligament on my right hand side. I felt uncomfortable and in pain on the right of my bump all afternoon, and only noticed it had eased off by the evening. But as it's eased off, I think I'll try and get round to priming the ceiling plaster tomorrow, so hopefully we'll be finishing off the decorating this weekend. Which will be a relief when it's done :) One less job to finish before baby arrives. Then to get cracking on sorting out the old study, and bringing everything else we need for the study back down here. Then we should have a bit of breathing space upstairs to sort out the boys' sleeping situations - move Robert from the cotbed into a single bed (!), moving Christopher from the cot into the cotbed, and moving the cot back into our bedroom. Fun fun, but at least plenty to keep us busy!!
Wednesday 30 January 2013
26 weeks 6 days
Well, I'm nearing the end of the second trimester now. I can't believe I'm almost in the third trimester of pregnancy!! My second pregnancy seemed to go fast, but my third is zooming by! I can hardly believe that it was late last August I found out I was pregnant... about 5 months ago! And now we're at the end of January, and I'll be meeting my new baby boy in around 3 months time.
I am definitely more in tune with his kicks. He is a strong kicker, but it's odd - his kicking sessions, particularly those I get first thing in the morning and last thing at night - feel nothing like the kicks felt with Robert and Christopher. With this little one, my whole tummy feels like it's "blopping" rather than strong localised kicks. As well as the early morning and late night kicks, he also goes through a kicking spate around 4pm. I've not noticed any other patterns so far. But I didn't really notice patterns with Robert and Christopher at all. I felt a bit like a bad mother for that, especially when you read things like "you should be getting to know your little one's movement patterns by now, and if you get changes to the pattern you should get checked out straight away".
On other baby related stuff. As I think I have said, I've been struggling with the whole name issue. I finally talked to Jonathan about it, and he said that if I was really unhappy with the name, then he'd pick one off a shortlist I make. Just knowing that has instantly made me feel better, I don't know what I would pick, but I am feeling more at peace with the whole situation, and feel in a much more compromising mood! Yesterday afternoon, while the boys were playing with their grandparents, I drove over to their local Tesco, and did a shop. While there I also looked at the baby boy clothes. Which, unsurprisingly were mainly different shades of blues and greys. But I found a gorgeous little top which was cream with red, navy and yellow stripes, I found this in size 3 months. A red and white stripey jumper (for 12-18 months LOL) and I bought a pack of 2 bandana bibs. Looking in the girls section, it's strange how girls get leggings but boys don't!! Some of them weren't even all that "girly". It's a shame that the clothes have to be segregated like that so people often don't look in the other section. But that's another pet peeve of mine, along with tshirts for girls saying "it's hard being this cute!" but boys ones saying "it's TOUGH being me!" Anyway, stepping off my soap box... ;) Until next time!
I am definitely more in tune with his kicks. He is a strong kicker, but it's odd - his kicking sessions, particularly those I get first thing in the morning and last thing at night - feel nothing like the kicks felt with Robert and Christopher. With this little one, my whole tummy feels like it's "blopping" rather than strong localised kicks. As well as the early morning and late night kicks, he also goes through a kicking spate around 4pm. I've not noticed any other patterns so far. But I didn't really notice patterns with Robert and Christopher at all. I felt a bit like a bad mother for that, especially when you read things like "you should be getting to know your little one's movement patterns by now, and if you get changes to the pattern you should get checked out straight away".
On other baby related stuff. As I think I have said, I've been struggling with the whole name issue. I finally talked to Jonathan about it, and he said that if I was really unhappy with the name, then he'd pick one off a shortlist I make. Just knowing that has instantly made me feel better, I don't know what I would pick, but I am feeling more at peace with the whole situation, and feel in a much more compromising mood! Yesterday afternoon, while the boys were playing with their grandparents, I drove over to their local Tesco, and did a shop. While there I also looked at the baby boy clothes. Which, unsurprisingly were mainly different shades of blues and greys. But I found a gorgeous little top which was cream with red, navy and yellow stripes, I found this in size 3 months. A red and white stripey jumper (for 12-18 months LOL) and I bought a pack of 2 bandana bibs. Looking in the girls section, it's strange how girls get leggings but boys don't!! Some of them weren't even all that "girly". It's a shame that the clothes have to be segregated like that so people often don't look in the other section. But that's another pet peeve of mine, along with tshirts for girls saying "it's hard being this cute!" but boys ones saying "it's TOUGH being me!" Anyway, stepping off my soap box... ;) Until next time!
Thursday 17 January 2013
25 weeks - midwife update and thoughts on name
So I'm 25 weeks today! I've had times of feeling very uncomfortably pregnant, and well, I've still got around 15 weeks to go! I can only imagine how uncomfortable I'll be 3 months from now if I'm already getting spates of it now!
Midwife appointment went well. I seem to cope with pregnancy very well, my wee is always clear, my blood pressure is always fine. My tummy was measuring 26 weeks, so 1 week ahead. Probably all the chocolate and biscuits I've been scoffing since Christmas... must start snacking less now!!
Anyway, after my last post where I talked about bonding, and people asking about the name, and if there was compromise, well I don't think the first name is negotiable. Jonathan's had this name in his head since Robert was in utero, and since I was the one who mainly wanted a third baby, I agreed to let him have the name if it was another boy. We had agreed though that the middle name would be my choice. But since I was thinking the middle name "should be" a family name, one that honoured a family member, I kind of felt it was one of two choices - both of which I didn't particularly love, and I would most likely put the back of one of my parents up either way. So I'm wondering whether to just choose a name I love - one that I would have wanted to call him as a first name.
Midwife appointment went well. I seem to cope with pregnancy very well, my wee is always clear, my blood pressure is always fine. My tummy was measuring 26 weeks, so 1 week ahead. Probably all the chocolate and biscuits I've been scoffing since Christmas... must start snacking less now!!
Anyway, after my last post where I talked about bonding, and people asking about the name, and if there was compromise, well I don't think the first name is negotiable. Jonathan's had this name in his head since Robert was in utero, and since I was the one who mainly wanted a third baby, I agreed to let him have the name if it was another boy. We had agreed though that the middle name would be my choice. But since I was thinking the middle name "should be" a family name, one that honoured a family member, I kind of felt it was one of two choices - both of which I didn't particularly love, and I would most likely put the back of one of my parents up either way. So I'm wondering whether to just choose a name I love - one that I would have wanted to call him as a first name.
Tuesday 15 January 2013
24 weeks 5 days - bonding?
I've been feeling the last day or so that I'm having trouble bonding with the baby. I feel his kicks, and I feel happy because that means he's still ok, but aside from that I don't daydream about him, or have any of the lovey dovey moments I'm sure I had with the other two.
When I refer to him, I sometimes say "him" or "he", but mostly say "the baby". He doesn't have a nickname. Robert was Sausage, and Christopher was Squidge, but this one is simply "the baby". And he does have a proper name... which we don't use at home, because we don't want Robert to know incase he blabs it out, we want it to be a secret until the birth. We don't even really use his name at night when the boys are asleep. Part of me is wondering if I'm questioning that he's a boy... yet feeling resigned to it. Part of me is wondering whether I am not calling him by name because I'm trying to avoid it - because it's still not a name I would have chosen myself. And whether all this is making me feel detached.
I don't really feel excited about the baby... Well part of me does, occasionally. Like today I put a newborn snowsuit on the boys' doll because he's been coming with us to nursery, and I felt bad him just being in a vest (!!). And in this snowsuit, with just the doll's face showing, I felt strangely broody, and cradled the doll like I would a baby, and even at one point, involuntarily kissed it!! But mostly, I just get on with things, and planning for the baby isn't really happening, although we will have to think about beds soon to get the boys used to new beds before the baby arrives. It's mostly sorting things for the house, getting the last bits of the conversion done, that sort of thing.
I hope it's just that with two boys already, things are just hectic, plus all the things we want to get done before May as well.
When I refer to him, I sometimes say "him" or "he", but mostly say "the baby". He doesn't have a nickname. Robert was Sausage, and Christopher was Squidge, but this one is simply "the baby". And he does have a proper name... which we don't use at home, because we don't want Robert to know incase he blabs it out, we want it to be a secret until the birth. We don't even really use his name at night when the boys are asleep. Part of me is wondering if I'm questioning that he's a boy... yet feeling resigned to it. Part of me is wondering whether I am not calling him by name because I'm trying to avoid it - because it's still not a name I would have chosen myself. And whether all this is making me feel detached.
I don't really feel excited about the baby... Well part of me does, occasionally. Like today I put a newborn snowsuit on the boys' doll because he's been coming with us to nursery, and I felt bad him just being in a vest (!!). And in this snowsuit, with just the doll's face showing, I felt strangely broody, and cradled the doll like I would a baby, and even at one point, involuntarily kissed it!! But mostly, I just get on with things, and planning for the baby isn't really happening, although we will have to think about beds soon to get the boys used to new beds before the baby arrives. It's mostly sorting things for the house, getting the last bits of the conversion done, that sort of thing.
I hope it's just that with two boys already, things are just hectic, plus all the things we want to get done before May as well.
Sunday 13 January 2013
Swimming
So, we took the boys swimming on Saturday. The last time Robert went in the swimming pool, he was around 19 months old, and we were on holiday in Cornwall. I was around 6 months pregnant with Christopher. Christopher had never been in a swimming pool until yesterday, and the boys both did really well! We weren't sure if Christopher would enjoy it or not, but he loved it! Grinning and laughing the whole time, especially when he could splash, and he liked it when I rocked him back and forth in the water too. Robert loved walking through the water, and could go right to the deeper end of the training pool, but it was difficult to help him relax in the water, we tried getting him to lay flat on his back in the water with us supporting him, and he kept bringing his knees and legs up. I finally had a bit of success, and after a while when they both started shivering, we got them out, and on the way home, Robert kept begging us to take him back to the pool!
We're going to try and go once a week, it should do them both good anyway, even if I'm going to need to find a maternity swimming costume, as the size 18 tankini was constantly riding up (never felt so self conscious - and here was me thinking I didn't weigh as much as when I was pregnant with Christopher - this was the same swimming costume I wore last time!)
The reason we went swimming, is because it seems that Robert needs some sort of physical outlet. He is so energetic, and he just needs *something* to wear him out, to stop him bouncing the walls all the time. There's not much that he will happily sit down to do that is quiet. He's not much for books (except his bedtime story), he doesn't particularly like puzzles, or drawing. He will do them occasionally, but it's not an activity he requests much. The only time he seems to want to do puzzles is when he sees Christopher doing them. But even then not all the time.
Christopher's new favourite activity is by far jigsaws. I don't know where it came from all of a sudden, but impressively, at just 2 years 3 months, he totally "gets" them! He can do 24 piece puzzles easily on his own. We have a few larger ones of 35 piece and 50 piece, he has a huge foam floor puzzle of dinosaurs which is 48 piece. And the other day I ordered some 60 piece puzzles. I took out the easier picture of the two 60 piece ones which was an Octonauts one, and with some help he did it. Today, I gave even less help (once I moved a couple of stuck together pieces near to where they should go on the larger done piece, and a couple of times I suggested what piece to look for - "Shall we try and find the piece with the dolphin's back on it?" "Who do you think is next to Peso in the Gup-A?") and he did it probably 90-95% unaided. I reckon tomorrow he'll be able to do it 100% unaided. I can't believe he can do a 60 piece puzzle at not even 28 months old. This puzzle is recommended for children aged 4 years and above!
On pregnancy news, I'm now 24 weeks and 3 days - I have my 24 week midwife appointment on Wednesday when I'll be 24 weeks and 6 days ;) I am hoping that I will be able to get my 24 week belly photo up soon - I need to get Jonathan to transfer it to the computer, or to find the right cable myself. Anyway that's all for now, I'll be back soon!
We're going to try and go once a week, it should do them both good anyway, even if I'm going to need to find a maternity swimming costume, as the size 18 tankini was constantly riding up (never felt so self conscious - and here was me thinking I didn't weigh as much as when I was pregnant with Christopher - this was the same swimming costume I wore last time!)
The reason we went swimming, is because it seems that Robert needs some sort of physical outlet. He is so energetic, and he just needs *something* to wear him out, to stop him bouncing the walls all the time. There's not much that he will happily sit down to do that is quiet. He's not much for books (except his bedtime story), he doesn't particularly like puzzles, or drawing. He will do them occasionally, but it's not an activity he requests much. The only time he seems to want to do puzzles is when he sees Christopher doing them. But even then not all the time.
Christopher's new favourite activity is by far jigsaws. I don't know where it came from all of a sudden, but impressively, at just 2 years 3 months, he totally "gets" them! He can do 24 piece puzzles easily on his own. We have a few larger ones of 35 piece and 50 piece, he has a huge foam floor puzzle of dinosaurs which is 48 piece. And the other day I ordered some 60 piece puzzles. I took out the easier picture of the two 60 piece ones which was an Octonauts one, and with some help he did it. Today, I gave even less help (once I moved a couple of stuck together pieces near to where they should go on the larger done piece, and a couple of times I suggested what piece to look for - "Shall we try and find the piece with the dolphin's back on it?" "Who do you think is next to Peso in the Gup-A?") and he did it probably 90-95% unaided. I reckon tomorrow he'll be able to do it 100% unaided. I can't believe he can do a 60 piece puzzle at not even 28 months old. This puzzle is recommended for children aged 4 years and above!
On pregnancy news, I'm now 24 weeks and 3 days - I have my 24 week midwife appointment on Wednesday when I'll be 24 weeks and 6 days ;) I am hoping that I will be able to get my 24 week belly photo up soon - I need to get Jonathan to transfer it to the computer, or to find the right cable myself. Anyway that's all for now, I'll be back soon!
Sunday 6 January 2013
Getting huge
So I'm 23 weeks 3 days. I'm going to get another belly shot at 24 weeks, then 28 weeks, then 32, then probably go 2 weekly until D day. I feel massive. My size 16 leggings keep sliding down under my bump. Which, incidently, is out furthur than my boobs, by a considerable distance. I am hoping to get some maternity clothes soon - but finding the time to go shopping is difficult. Maybe on Tuesday I will go to Matalan in the morning while Christopher is at the in-laws, and Robert is in nursery.
I look at my bum, and the size of my legs, and the wobbly fat hanging down by my hips and under the bump, (thinking urgh) and think to myself how I don't SEEM smaller than I was when pregnant with the other two boys. And when I think that I don't actually have any clothes the same from when I was pregnant with them (having got rid of them all) it is SO hard to tell. The only thing I can think of is that a coat I wore just after having Robert, had a zip and several poppers. I could only pop it up on the one popper under my boobs. Nowhere else. Zipping was out of the question. I know I am not newly post partum, but don't people reckon that in that period, you still have a belly of a 5-6 month pregnant lady? If that's the case, I must be smaller, as I can zip up the jacket, and there is still a small amount of growth room left in it.
I am looking forward to seeing just how my belly pictures progress though I must say! Looking back at my previous bump pictures - I do seem more "bumpy" this time round than I did before! Can't wait to get a 24 week shot to compare with the other boys!
But here was an unofficial one around 22 and a half weeks.
I look at my bum, and the size of my legs, and the wobbly fat hanging down by my hips and under the bump, (thinking urgh) and think to myself how I don't SEEM smaller than I was when pregnant with the other two boys. And when I think that I don't actually have any clothes the same from when I was pregnant with them (having got rid of them all) it is SO hard to tell. The only thing I can think of is that a coat I wore just after having Robert, had a zip and several poppers. I could only pop it up on the one popper under my boobs. Nowhere else. Zipping was out of the question. I know I am not newly post partum, but don't people reckon that in that period, you still have a belly of a 5-6 month pregnant lady? If that's the case, I must be smaller, as I can zip up the jacket, and there is still a small amount of growth room left in it.
I am looking forward to seeing just how my belly pictures progress though I must say! Looking back at my previous bump pictures - I do seem more "bumpy" this time round than I did before! Can't wait to get a 24 week shot to compare with the other boys!
But here was an unofficial one around 22 and a half weeks.
Wednesday 2 January 2013
To put you out of your misery
Bells - mainly looking at you lol
We are having our third little boy in May!
Things are going okay. Hormones not too much in the air. Baby boy is kicking like crazy sometimes, but still being very little, he has a fair few quiet moments. I'll be 23 weeks tomorrow. Time really is flying.
Christmas came and went, saw family, and didn't do the long trek down to Kent which was nice in its own way. The whole family know that we're having another boy, none bar my mum really showed much enthusiasm or interest. Well I guess it's not surprising, it's nothing new now is it, me being pregnant with a boy?
I struggled emotionally with the news at first, I do have to admit. I regretted finding out, but now I think I am pleased, because with each passing day, the disappointment that it's not a girl is less, and the excitement for another boy is greater. We do have a first name in mind for this boy, one that I've had to agree on really. But I would have preferred a different name for him. Still, the middle name is my choice, so still thinking about that.
Anyway, that's about it. So yeah, baby boy number 3 is incoming...
We are having our third little boy in May!
Things are going okay. Hormones not too much in the air. Baby boy is kicking like crazy sometimes, but still being very little, he has a fair few quiet moments. I'll be 23 weeks tomorrow. Time really is flying.
Christmas came and went, saw family, and didn't do the long trek down to Kent which was nice in its own way. The whole family know that we're having another boy, none bar my mum really showed much enthusiasm or interest. Well I guess it's not surprising, it's nothing new now is it, me being pregnant with a boy?
I struggled emotionally with the news at first, I do have to admit. I regretted finding out, but now I think I am pleased, because with each passing day, the disappointment that it's not a girl is less, and the excitement for another boy is greater. We do have a first name in mind for this boy, one that I've had to agree on really. But I would have preferred a different name for him. Still, the middle name is my choice, so still thinking about that.
Anyway, that's about it. So yeah, baby boy number 3 is incoming...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)