Wednesday 15 May 2013

41weeks 6 days

Following a very very promising night last night, where I had "proper" labour contractions regularly from midnight and throughout the next few hours when I woke, I was SURE I would have a baby in my arms by now. But they disappeared, and I was left disappointed, stressed, and either in tears or on the verge of tears for most of the day.

I have been feeling conflicted the entire day about my induction appointment tomorrow. What is best for us. My feelings of confidence about the birth, my fears, my hopes. I could write it all down here but it would take ages, it's been hashed over so much I feel like my head would explode.

We went over to the inlaws for lunch, and Jonathan called my mum as well to come up for emotional support. After lunch we went out to a fabulous garden centre and mooched to distract myself from my emotions. Then went back to the inlaws and stayed until 6ish when we came back home with my mum staying here overnight.

We (the three of us) had a long discussion once the boys were in bed. My mum didn't give her actual opinion on whether she thought we should go in for induction. But helped bring up matters to discuss. And I'm gutted to have had to make the decision, because I KNOW my body can do it, but the pressure from medical staff is just too much for me to bear thinking about. I've decided to keep the appointment. I've absolutely despised to have to make that decision. I'm gutted beyond words that I haven't gone into labour before the 14 days. And I'm not bearing to hope I might go into labour overnight because I've been disappointed so often and left with dashed hopes.

I'm terrified of going in with Christopher's birth as a likely scenario as to what will happen because his went so well I feel like I'd be setting myself up for more failure. Between now and 9am I'm going to try and prepare myself for the worst. I hate hate HATE that it has come to this.

But maybe it will be alright. And maybe, just maybe, I will be holding my baby boy 24 hours from now.

3 comments:

  1. I've been thinking of you all day. It's my niece's 6th birthday today, and I remember she was due on May 3rd. In our area, induction date is 12 days past due date, so she went in to be induced at her appointment date. They only did the prostin gel because she was already having mild contractions (the machine discovered!) and pretty much going into labour already - no drips needed. I've heard so much of this at later gestations. I wonder if they'll be happy to just break your waters, as I bet that'll do the trick, given that your cervix is already dilating (and that was before you had the night of good contractions). If you do end up being induced I would think it would go quickly, but mainly I am just praying for peace over the decision for you. ((((hugs)))) Glad your mum is there for extra support. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you ALL DAY tomorrow, and can't wait to hear that your monkey little manny is finally here! :)

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  2. Push on on the inside of your ankles. There is pressure point there that might kick in. Sit in a quiet spot, close your eyes, visualize your body being in labor. Your baby coming down into the birth canal and out into the big world.

    Thinking of you and hoping the next update is an announcement. Take care.

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  3. I hope that you can make peace with your decision and I will cross my fingers for you that you go into labour today by your self. Though what Alice says makes a lot of sense and I wouldn't be surprised at all if breaking your waters is all that is needed. Good luck and I am wishing you all the best!

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