Some worries, and WHEN will I feel pregnant??

There's nothing much really to update right now, I'm not feeling morning sick yet, I'm not really feeling pregnant yet in any way... except my breasts are still tender. I don't seem to be spotting much anymore, just every now and then every couple of days, and a verrrry tiny amount.

We've told our siblings now that they're going to be aunts and uncles.. Jonathan's sister seems quite excited, and has sent me a few messages on Facebook asking about when I was due, and things like that, and saying that she and her fianc� would be coming to see us ("all three of you, woo!") possibly next weekend.

Something that's been plaguing my mind recently is the thought about how we will cope with a small baby, how good parents we will be. I've seen my fair share of children who come from families who couldn't really cope with having children from working in a nursery in the poorest area of town. I guess I just have to keep in my mind that I know what it's like to cope, what it's like to NOT cope, and know that I want only the best for my child, so I will do everything I can to make sure I DO cope. I hope I can find the strength to make sure I *always* put my children first, and to lay aside the selfish and lazy tendencies I know I have at the moment. I guess it's hard to know just how much your life will change with children until you have them... Even though I KNOW they will change my life, it's hard to know... until I get them. Little things, like having a shower, sleep, eating dinner, which I suppose you take for granted before you have children. And probably a million more things.

It's strange, slightly unrelated I guess to the jamble of feelings in the last paragraph...

I think to myself.. "I'm pregnant!" yet something inside me keeps saying "this pregnancy isn't going to last" or "this pregnancy isn't real", something like that. I don't know what it is... it might just be the whole thing with pregnancy being so disjointed from reality at the start... Maybe when I get a scan that voice inside me will stop talking. Maybe it is just because I don't FEEL pregnant yet, and because I haven't seen or felt my baby yet... I have over TWO whole weeks before I get my first midwife appointment. There's so much to think about, so much to do, so much to arrange, and buy, and it's just so overwhelming sometimes if I stop to think about it all. Right now, I'm just not focussing on anything to do with the baby really. We need to sort out our house. Get the furniture and storage we need, get all the unpacking done, get into a proper routine. Then when that's all done we can start thinking about what the baby will need.

I need to go to bed now, our bedroom furniture is arriving tomorrow, and I need to clear some room for the delivery men to come through the house for me with the packages. (Which I shall do tomorrow)

Some bleeding...

First off - WOOHOOO we have broadband! Which means I can update during the day! :D

Secondly... I'm a bit concerned at the moment, I had that pink spotting a while back, which I suppose must have been implantation bleeding, but the last two days I've been spotting brown.. sometimes it's been just coloured cervical fluid, sometimes it's been just a very pale brown all over.

Dont really know what to think about that at the moment.... don't know whether it's good or bad... or neither... I guess there's just not much I can be doing right now either way.... So I just have to pat my tummy and just hope that my tiny Boo is in there and safe...

Doctor registration, names, etc

Well, I phoned up the doctor's surgery today, it was about 2 miles away. I couldn't see a nearer one on the internet. But anyway, they asked where I lived and when I told them, they said I couldn't register with them, I had to register with the one in the village we're in.. Which was lucky! Because this one is in walking distance! :) Anyway, phoned the one in the village, and they said we had to come down to register. So I went down with some ID, proof of address etc. Filled out my own registration forms, and handed them in with the documents they needed. Then asked them if I could book an appointment, that I was about 5 weeks pregnant (well, my LMP is over 5 weeks away! And the sooner I can get my scan the better! ;) )

They said they didn't give appointments until 8 weeks, then I have to go and see the midwife with a urine sample, and it's about 45 minutes long this session and they'll go through what blood tests I need done, and when I get scans etc. So I have an appointment for the 15th April at 3.30. I don't know if Jonathan will be able to get the day or afternoon off work, or if I'll be going on my own. I don't really know what'll be happening then!

Now, symptom wise at the moment all I am feeling is tender breasts at night when I get undressed, unusual itches and sensitivity "down there" (not good ones, unfortunately haha!), I probably do wee slightly more than I did when I wasn't pregnant. Still no nausea or anything (but then I could be due for morning sickness any time from around Friday, to next Friday-ish). I do find myself being slightly more tired than I'm used to being... but part of me is thinking maybe I'm making this symptom up. Well, not making it up, but you know... I dunno, I'm still very early on, so maybe I'm just not SUPPOSED to be getting many symptoms yet.

I was so excited to read that Meg is having a baby boy. :) I think I would also like to know what gender Spud is (hehehehe) as soon as I can... I wish I had the internet during the day!!! I want to browse through looooots of names, just get a huge list of ones I like. I already have a fairly large list, but I didn't go through any of the "neutral" names, like Ashley, Leslie, etc. There are such a lovely lot of girls names, and they sound SOOO cute with our surname! And what's also funny is that one of the names on my "shortlist" for girls is Megan! ;) There are three somewhat unusual names on my "girls" shortlist... Brynna, Imogen, and Kerryn. By shortlist, at the moment, I mean a list of 25 names :) For the girls, they could be middle and first name candidates.

On the girls short list at the moment, my favourites I've put down are Amber, Brynna, Chloe, Kerryn, Megan, Michelle. Unfortunately, even though I do like the name Helen, we can't use it in a girls name at all, since there is a famous actress Helen with our surname. ;) But also, another reason is that I'm reluctant to name a baby after a close relative where there isn't a similar counter-part in the other family. ALSO with this baby due so close to ANOTHER Helen's birthday.... it wouldn't be a good idea hehe :)

There has been a tradition in the family lately to use the parents names as the middle name for the child. eg, I am Nicola Yvonne, my mum's name is Yvonne Marie, my nan's name is Marie... something ;) Likewise, my brother is Stephen Clive, my dad is Clive William Bernard, my grandad I believe, was William. But, to me, Nicola is NOT a good middle name. it's too long... no girls names seem to sound "right" with it. "Megan Nicola" "Chloe Nicola" "Elizabeth Nicola" nooo.. nothing at all... So we would be using another neutral name to be the middle name if it's a girl. I think also Jonathan is a bit of a mouthful for a middle name. Besides, as I've already said, we already have the perfect candidate for a middle name for a baby boy :)

For boys names, on my shortlist I have also 25 names (for the moment), but if we want the middle name as Stephen, we'd probably have to take out the names that have an "en" or "on" or "an" ending. So we could have Elliot Stephen, Robert Stephen, Thomas Stephen, Malcolm Stephen, or Oliver Stephen. "Aaron Stephen" or "Darren Stephen" could sound a little odd.

It would be nice to have names that are slightly unusual, but nothing as stupid as "Moon Unit" or "Peaches" etc, or as chavvy as "Chardonnay" or "Mercedes". That's why I guess I'm looking at Brynna and Kerryn and thinking "hmm... maybe...." The only thing with that I suppose is that they probably will have to be spelling their names to people for a long time... But is that preferable to being one of two or more in their class with the same name? (Coming from the girl who was known throughout her primary school life as "Nicola Br" - not only was there another 2 Nicolas, but one was also another Nicola B, she was Nicola B, I was Nicola Br. :( Then there was the Nicola S)

Something to think about anyway... And there's plenty of time for that! I still can't believe I'm actually pregnant. That inside me right now is a tiny embryo that over the next 8 months will grow into an actual human being... my first baby. I'm so GLAD that I am pregnant. I was so scared I wouldn't be able to, that Jonathan or I would be infertile, that it would take years... I just hope that I'll be fine, that this baby will be happy, and healthy, and safe inside me... And that when it comes out, we'll be able to give it all the love and care it needs.

Telling the other third of the parents ;)

Quick note before my dad arrives in about half an hour - not that I think I'll be able to POST this before he comes - stupid instable mobile connections.. :(

But I took another of the cheapy tests, and was happy to see it was MUCH darker :)

Alice posted me a link about lifting during pregnancy - thank you! Although it's kinda a shame that I can't keep getting Jonathan to do all the vacuuming ;) Although he WILL still have to be the one to clean the cat litter tray.

I lay in bed last night and lifted up the covers over my tummy about 15 centimeters... woah, was freaky to see that someday, I will look like that in bed! I kept asking Jonathan yesterday "Will you still love me when I'm big and fat and full of baby?" He goes "of course! Will you still love me when I'm big and fat and full of pizza?" so I reply "Only if I'm full of pizza too!"

Jonathan was thinking of names to call the baby while its growing... here are some he came up with.... Bun, Spud, Sprout (hahaha - I said we couldn't really call it that because Matthew was called Sprout by Alice and Neil)... he might have mentioned one or two more, but I can't remember them now... I kinda liked Spud for some weird reason! Even though it's not really very cute. Was also thinking about "Little Boo" which I have called it a couple of times, hehe. Ah yeah, I remember the others, he was thinking about how my sister-in-law called hers Haggis, so he goes "we could call it black pudding" *rolls eyes* ;) So yeah, my favourite two contenders are Spud and Little Boo (or Lil' Boo) for the time being :)

I do keep thinking in my head about names... and I do, for a boy, keep thinking Robert Stephen. I love the name Robert. When I worked in the nursery, one of the little boys in my care was called Robert, and he was the MOST adorable little boy... so sweet and gentle, and sensitive... he had a few minor learning conditions, to do with speech mainly, but yeah... such a goooorgeous little boy! And the shortened versions are nice too - I like Rob, Robbie, and well, when he's an old man he can be called Bob ;) As for the middle name of Stephen - I know that the two Stephens in our families will be thrilled - my brother, and my father-in-law. I wish there was a female name that had the same weight in both families. Well, there is one that's the same in both families... but they're both distant relatives. I have a cousin called Claire, and Jonathan's dad's cousins have a daughter called Claire.. so that's Jonathan's.... third cousin I guess. But if I named our baby Claire (even as middle name), it would be like we were naming them after those people... and to be honest, they're not special enough to us to do that. So we would pick a "neutral" name, uncommon to either side, but had a nice meaning, or something. But we are thinking that we won't start thinking about names seriously until I'm 3 months along.

But anyway, I'd better go now, there's only 10 minutes until my dad and step-mother get here.. so I'd better wrap this up and get some socks on ;) The phone connection is still playing up, so this won't go up til tonight unfortunately :(

Edit: As I didn't get to post this as I wrote it, I'll write a bit more about how my dad and his wife reacted when I told them. :) They were predictable and yes, looked for wine as soon as we sat down hehe ;) I told them I wouldn't be having any, and to my surprise they didn't seem to wonder why, and just said "oh, well, we'll just get three glasses then rather than a bottle". Later on, I said "I must say, there is a reason why I'm not having any wine today... it's because you're going to have another grandchild!" Caroline started crying, awww :D Dad seemed chuffed. When they asked when I was due, they did a mock groan when I said the end of November hehe.. Dad said he was going to keep it quiet for a while because of my mum's threatened miscarriages, and Caroline seemed eager to want to tell her brother and parents, but I did ask Caroline to not tell her family straight away. I mean, I've known them since I was about 12, so they are like my own extended family, but extended family none-the-less, and in case things go wrong I would like it to be containable amongst only close friends and family.

After the meal, we went back to the house, and then as they left, they congratulated us both, and told Jonathan "Well done!" hehe! Quite funny really... As though they're saying "Well done for fertilising my daughter, good job!" Tickled us a bit, but yeah, I suppose "Well done!" on doing YOUR bit of the pregnancy so well ;) So yes, all grandparents happy it seems ;) Which is good heh ;) They gave us a bottle of champagne before the meal, which uhhh... I guess Jonathan will enjoy! ;) Or we save it for... god knows when I'll be able to drink alcohol again. :D

Anyway, thank you for the comments and notes, etc, and for reading. :) And for setting my mind at rest a bit about the lifting. Tomorrow I'll be registering at the local(ish) doctors surgery and hopefully making an appointment for this week sometime, so I'll be letting you know how it goes :)

Telling two thirds of the parents ;)

So we saw our parents yesterday - well, my mum, and his parents, my dad is coming along tomorrow. My in-laws arrived around 11am, Jonathan had a headache, and he only got up at about 10.30, had a quick shower and was getting dressed when they arrived. I had just finished defluffing my jumper when we heard them arrive, so I pulled it on and rushed downstairs hehe. My mum didn't arrive for another hour or so, so Jonathan's dad had a look at some of the doors which weren't closing properly and at the extractor fan in the bathroom, and the telephone points.

We've got lots of boxes in the house now, so lots to unpack, but I will have to make sure I don't do any heavy lifting, so if something heavy needs to go upstairs, Jonathan will have to carry it, even if I'm "able" to.

Anyway, mum eventually arrived, we sat down and had a cuppa, and I gave her the "grand tour", she said it was great, and sooo much roomier and so nice for stuff. When I showed her the large space under the stairs I mentioned about maybe we could put shelves under there, she said "Well, for whenever you two think about having kids, you could use that as somewhere to store the pram, and any other large baby stuff". And I was like... "Hmmm... yeah, that's a good idea, worth thinking about" We decided to wait til we were in the restaurant before we told them, sort of try to slot it into the conversation when there was a gap. Eventually there was one, although several times I got out "We've..." and then my mum, or Jonathan's dad, or someone would carry on talking, and I'd cut off again hehe. Eventually I managed to say "We've got something to tell you..... we're pregnant." My mum immediately burst into a grin and said... "You are..?? you're...." so I said "Yes, I'm pregnant!" and she was all "oh, that's wonderful!!" and Jonathan's parents seemed quiet in comparison haha, although they were both smiling, and Jonathan's dad looked a little bit weepy (to me anyway). I said to them "You're going to be grandparents!" hehe

My mum's going to be knitting some clothes for the baby hehe, and she's also told me she wants to buy the pram. She also wants to know the exact due date and the hospital I'll be going to so she can book the time off work and do her "Granny Dash" as she calls it haha. I haven't really given the birth any thought yet, but I imagine I would be going to the hospital, I'll have to do some research into it I guess.

I think I embarrassed Jonathan a bit at the meal lol, I mentioned that I was surprised to have got pregnant so quickly, and mentioned that he must have "very fast swimmers" hehehe :D

I'll try and find my camera at some point, and take some photos of the tests I took and post them here. Also, it'll be nice to get a Belly Gallery going! Although I think I might have to do laying down pictures of it, or it won't show at all until I'm about 4-5 months probably hehe.

I'll be seeing my dad and his wife tomorrow, so I'll tell them then. The opportunity will probably present itself at the beginning of the meal which is when dad thinks about what bottle of wine to get for the table - I usually drink a glass or so if we go out, but if I'm not having any, it'll be a glass for him usually (he does usually have one glass at a meal even if he drives), and the rest of the bottle for Caroline (although maybe Jonathan might have some). But yes, seems the appropriate time to bring it up hehe :) And hopefully they won't be suspicious because they're thinking they're coming to see the house! (Which of course they are... hehe) One time we went out with him, and Jonathan's parents, they thought we invited them at the same time to tell them we were pregnant, but of course we weren't at the time ;)

Mum was talking to me after I told her, and she said that with both me and Stephen, she had threatened miscarriages, where she started bleeding part way through the pregnancy, so she had to have "no arms and no legs" for a week - got dad to lift her from the bed to the sofa, make sandwiches and a thermos of coffee and just watch TV. She said it was because up until 3 months she just kept doing things as normal, hoovering, lifting a bowl of potatoes in water, and stuff, which put strains on her tummy. I knew the thing about pregnant women not lifting, but I thought it was when she got bigger, and lifting would make her back go... But I see what she means, which got me a little worried, because I helped Jonathan lug a huuuuge pack of bookcases into the car, and from the car to the house.... I think from now I just reaaaally be careful, and make sure I lift NO heavy boxes, and get Jonathan to do the vacuuming, and anything that's at all heavy I get him to lift. And also get him to sort the cat litter tray (although I am careful not to touch it, I guess I can't be too careful). Although that leaves very little that I can do - washing up I suppose will still be fine - although I don't know how I'll get to the sink when I'm big! Washing... hmm, I guess I'll have to be careful with how heavy the basket of washing is... And maybe don't do any of the hanging up if it's on the washing line.. Mum said that Dave, her partner, was annoyed and a bit angry because he didnt know I was pregnant, and I helped bring in boxes from the car... (although I made sure I didn't take any heavy ones, only a few light bits)

Was wondering about when to tell the majority of people - right now I've told a few friends, and close family (well, all of the close family will know soon). I'm wondering when to tell Stephen and Naomi (the siblings - Helen already knows it seems /wave :P ) I think we'll tell the majority of people at 12 weeks, so that if something does go wrong, I only have some friends, and close family to tell. But I'll just try to do everything I can to make sure things go okay! Eat well, try not to be too strenuous, and stuff.

Anyway, this update will do for now, thanks for everyone's comments lately, it's so nice to read them and know that there is lots of support from people who've been through it all before!

Unsure Due Date, Parents Visiting

Today I took a ClearBlue (non digital), and guess what?? I'm PREGNANT! (Oh wait, you already knew that, ah well, hehe :D )

I was thinking about the dates and timing etc of things, and although by simply LMP my due date is 22nd November, I think something weird definitely happened with my ovulation, since I was 33 days past and still only got a veeeeery faint line on the test - equivalent to Alice's 10 DPO test. Which would imply that maybe I ovulated around day 23 or... 10th March. Which was 4 days before we moved house. Which would actually put my due date at more like... 30th November/1st of December. Hmmm. Which might actually give a birth day of the same day as one of his Aunties! (My sister Helen, who my dad adopted, is my step-mother's daughter) 3rd of December.

It is a bit odd, since last month I had the delayed period, it might have done something odd to when I ovulated too... so it is a little weird.

Anyway, having some chats with Alice via notes hehe, she said that the first scan in this country isn't until 12 weeks! Yipes! That means I'd have to wait another 2 whole months for my surprise present idea for my parents, and means I wouldn't be able to talk to my mum about it at all... and today the perfect opportunity to tell them is presenting itself.. they're coming over to see the house, and then we're going out for a meal. And they're going to be here with Jonathan's parents, so it would be a really nice time to tell them I think - Jonathan's parents aren't grandparents yet, I think they'll really be thrilled... And my parents too of course, but they're already grandparents, so it's not going to be quite as big a deal. My dad's coming over with my step mother on Monday. We have to find a suitable restaurant for them, which is hard because we've not lived here very long :( (And my dad can be quite fussy with regards to restaurants - he turns his nose up at all chains basically, even the more upmarket ones like Beefeater, Harvesters etc)

But yeah, I am thinking of telling them today. And then I can give them a photo of the scan later when we get one.

Thank you, Meg, and Verity, and of course Alice for your looovely notes! I'm so excited that we do have a nice house, one that's great for us raising children, and yes, also so pleased it didn't take long! I guess with a "game plan" like "Lets have intercourse every other day whenever I'm not on my period" is a great way to ensure that whenever I ovulate BAM there's the sperm. ;)

Anyway, Jonathan's phone connection is playing up, so although I managed to get ONTO diaryland in the first place, it seems I may have trouble posting this before I have to get my hair dry and get dressed ready for the first batch of parents to arrive! ;) Ahhh, I'm so glad that the ClearBlue showed up so clearly! There's absolutely no doubt that I'm pregnant :) I just hope everything goes okay, and there are no complications!

I can't help wondering whether my little Boo is a boy or a girl.... I know it's already determined of course! Right now, it just seems so surreal - I don't FEEL pregnant yet, really. I mean, I have tender breasts, I seem to wee slightly more than usual, but apart from that, nothing. I guess it will become more real when I see the scan, or when I get more "typically" pregnant symptoms, and when I start to show. (which, I'm facing it, will be a LONG time, because I am very overweight.) I keep touching my belly (which already is round, and not because of the baby haha) and thinking "Wow!" I just find it sooo weird to think that I have the beginnings of a real HUMAN inside me.. it seems so early and amazing. Even now I talk about it and think "I'm pregnant" I don't think it's really sinking in. I don't really seem to realise properly that in EIGHT months, I will be holding a baby that Jonathan and I made. It's just such a weird concept. And I think Jonathan is the same - I don't think he properly comprehends that I'm pregnant either, same as I don't. I think that in a couple of months when we get the scan, it's going to hit us like a truck. Because, right now, my being pregnant is just a line on a little stick. In a couple of months, it will be a tiny person floating inside me, on a picture, and possibly hearing its heart beat.

Yes, I AM pregnant!

Ok, ok, I could hardly sleep last night, and was practically wide awake for the sunrise this morning - went to the window and looked out and there it was! May well be the first time I've seen the sunrise :)

And yes, I know I was going to wait til Saturday to test again, but I had one open already, (to see if there was a trace of a line on the test before testing haha) and it was staring at me... so I did another test....

It was darker!!!! I could see the line even before the strip finished whitening! Still quite faint, but it IS darker! I can't quite believe it.... I am pregnant!!!! And it only took one and a half months of trying.... if you count last month, since we only started late in the cycle. So our first proper month's trying, and I fall pregnant straight away. I can't belieeeeve it! I thought it would take me AGES - between six months and a year at least. (Thank GOODNESS I didn't manage to persuade Jonathan to start trying before we found this place, last June...) But I am SO relieved... I have been so scared that we wouldn't be able to conceive... I guess though it might have helped that I'm in the most fertile age range - I'll be 25 in July.

Some things I noticed last night - tender breasts, a bit of cramping (not severe though), and... don't know whether this is a symptom or not - an itch, just inside my vagina. Happened several times during the night so I wasn't sure.

But yes, okay, go ahead and scream your congratulations hehe :) I'm properly convinced now because of that darker line. I will be FIVE WEEKS pregnant tomorrow!!! My due date will be 22nd November (counting 40 weeks on from 16th February - the first day of my last period). My nephew Ewan was born on the 28th November last year ;)

I suddenly feel scared, but so sooo excited... suddenly also feel a bit like Janice from Friends... "Oh..... My..... God!"

Oh, and new diary image :D

Another LTP...(see end of entry)

Thank you, Meg and Alice for your comments, just what I needed! I did test again this morning, but again, a very veeeeery faint line (and by faint, I mean, I hold it up to the light, and squint, and I can just about see it), barely stronger (if at all) than the one yesterday. And that was with the first wee of the day too... so a little unsure. Still having a little spotting too, but nothing major, more like coloured cervical fluid.

I am still fluctuating between "am I pregnant" and "am I just imagining that line" - how I wish I had one of those clearblue tests that come up with the words "pregnant" and "not pregnant" right now! The last thing I want right now is to convince myself I'm pregnant if I'm not... and possibly induce another 2 week delay in my period. Thus, the still barely see-able test this morning was a little disappointing. I wanted it to be a lot stronger (ie, maybe still faint, but strong enough so I didn't have to squint at it in good light) than it was.

I think I may wait til Saturday before doing another test - two days maybe will give enough time for it to show up more if I am pregnant? Maybe tomorrow I should walk down to the tesco express on the high street and see if they do any clearblue digital tests. Or wander along and see if there's a chemist.

Also, just so you don't wonder why I don't reply until evening, I can't connect til then because the ADSL broadband isn't up yet, so I can only see stuff in the evening, I'm so glad to find your comments there, I was very much hoping to see them! Anyway, I'll let you know how I get on... I think I will wait before telling our parents... as it's still very early days if I am.. I should make sure my impatience doesn't win out!

Last night in bed, Jonathan and I were talking about a few things, one was whether or not we'd find out the sex of the baby. Now, before, I was thinking "definitely", now, I'm not so sure. My reasoning was so that I could get used to the idea of whatever gender it was before giving birth. But now, I think I'll be happy with whatever gender I get! Jonathan said that if I really didn't mind either way, he reckons we should find out. But if I did want one or the other, we could do whatever I wanted.

Oooh, and while I'm online tonight I really need to do a bit of research and find out where the nearest doctors surgery is. I'll do that when I'm done here - very important if I find out I'm definitely pregnant! Anyway, I'll leave it here for now. :) I have made a new image for the diary ready for the BFP ;) (right now, it's a LTP haha - little thin) Will check in tomorrow night! Thank you soooo much for the notes!

Lots of news.....

So... here I am in our new home. The move went great! So smoothly, with a removal company. :) They were quick, professional, and made everything soooo much easier! They ran up and down the stairs with huge heavy boxes we'd packed full of heavy stuff!

We're getting there, with the settling in. We don't have a lot of furniture we need yet - namely the wardrobes and chest of drawers and things we've ordered. But that should be arriving in a couple of weeks. And the sofas should be arriving in May some time. But... we still NEED bookcases and cupboards for the living area. And then.... we also need garden furniture for the garden, and a barbecue. Oh, I can't WAIT til the summer, when we're sitting out in the warm evening sun, eating a delicious barbecue. It's everything I dreamed of when we were at the flat!

We've finished the kitchen and the bathroom stuff (well, everything we have with us at the moment - our parents still have stuff they're holding for us, which we'll be getting on Saturday). We've got the computers set up, and the TV (although the consoles have yet to be sorted). In our bedroom at the moment we have suitcases lined up laying on the floor in front of the bed (well, on the opposite wall) which are sorted into categories - underwear, Jonathan's clothes, and my clothes.

This morning, I was 32 days past the first day of my last period. So I finally caved and took my first pregnancy test of the month. Unfortunately, I'd already had a wee a bit before, so it wasn't the first wee of the morning... but.... I think....

I MIGHT be pregnant! I looked at the test... and I SWEAR I can see the faintest of lines... It is soooo faint, but I'm SURE it's there. Just. Haha! But then I went for a wee later on in the morning, wiped, and it was pink :( I don't know what that means (if anything). If I am pregnant, I'll be about 4.5 weeks pregnant at the moment - any thoughts? I know Alice had the whole scary bleeding in her last pregnancy, and here little Nathan is, fine and well (and looking SOOO gorgeous and plump already!) but wasn't that furthur along? I can't remember very well at the moment, and I can't look it up because at the moment we're without broadband, so I'm typing this in OpenOffice writer, and will be copying and pasting it this evening when I can connect to the internet via Jonathan's phone.

I don't really know what to do now. Last month I kept getting BFN after BFN but no sign of my period. This time, I see what I pretty much think is the faintest of lines (and after 8 or 9 BFNs last month I think I can tell the difference between NO line and a very faint line), but then get a tiny bit of pink spotting. But I don't want to get my hopes up... as I took the test I was thinking to myself - it's going to be negative - I'm going to get my period in the next few days. And then after it dried out.. and I looked, and saw that line.. I'm so excited that right now, inside me could be the beginnings of my own little bean, or peanut, or sprout hehe ;) I have no idea what I would call him or her while he/she is growing... my sister-in-law called hers �Haggis� haha! (No, she's not Scottish, she lives near Chester)

What's also exciting, is that if this IS real.. (part of me is reluctant to cling on to hope - in case I am imagining the line, or if something goes wrong) he/she will be born around the end of November - the same as my nephew Ewan was last year!

I am going to wait a few weeks before telling my family, so this is a bit of a big secret! I want to surprise our families with a little present of a picture of the first scan in a photo frame for each of our parents :) The first scan is usually at 8 weeks, right? Goodness, where did I put that pregnancy book I bought about 2 months ago??

I am still needing to think right now that I'm imagining the line... there's nothing I can really do to make the line stronger but wait... I need to convince myself that I'm going to have my period in a few days, which is why I spotted earlier. So that when it comes, I won't be disappointed. Damnit, maybe I should forget the photo frame idea... if I am pregnant, and if I wait for a few days and test again, and it's stronger, maybe I should take the opportunity of my parents coming to see us in the new home to give them the news... My mum is coming up on Saturday with her partner Dave, and Jonathan's parents, Betsy and Steve are coming along the same day (since Dave and my mum haven't seen Betsy and Steve since our wedding almost three years ago!). Dad and his wife, Caroline, are coming over on Monday. What do you think? I'm so impatient at times, and my excitement does kind of get the better of me in a lot of cases which makes me blurt things out haha :) Although, here I go again.... acting like it's a sure thing that I am pregnant... * slaps self * You're NOT pregnant Nicola... you're imagining the line... * breathes deeply *

Edit: I keep looking at the test. I can't help it. It's like I'm either afraid I'll look at it and that line I keep seeing will disappear, or perhaps if I keep staring at it, it'll get stronger. I can't wait for Jonathan to get home and tell me he sees it too... Alice: You've used those cheapo tests before right? (well, I did follow the link from your page when I bought them last year) Any line on them no matter how faint means positive right? Part of me just DOESN'T want to believe it. But part of me inside is leaping and screaming "You're pregnant!!! You're going to have a BABY in your arms before Christmas!" Part of me is thinking - do I test again first thing tomorrow? Or shall I wait til Friday? I heard an advert on the tv just now for ClearBlue digital tests that say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant" on them... making it easier to know even in early pregnancy. I can't believe it... will I have to change that header image to say "Nicola's Pregnancy Journal" so quickly already?? It seems just so surreal that something that starts out as a line on a little strip of cardboard will so quickly turn out to be a human being. Whenever I read in Alice's pregnancy journals about things like "Bean is now one inch long" or "Bean now has fingernails" it never really occurred to me that one day, in my own body, this would be happening... I guess part of me believed that I would never get pregnant, that somehow I would be incapable of getting pregnant.

But... I can SEE the line... I've picked up that test about 20 or more times today... and every single time I've managed to see the line. I need to find a new doctor....

I have no maternity clothes.... my bras I have at the moment do not fit me properly even now... pregnancy scares the hell out of me... but at the same time, I'm reaaaally looking forward to it! When does morning sickness kick in? 6 weeks? Goodness I hope I don't get it lol :) I was beginning to wonder even a few days ago whether I was or not, because I had to wee about 4 times during the day we moved house. And then I got such awful back pain, which I assumed was because I was moving some boxes around. But it was SO. Bad. I was screaming in agony whenever I moved an inch, I think I really scared Jonathan with it... :( I know if he'd been how I was, screaming in agony, I'd be worried like hell for him.

I've not done a lot of unpacking today � not since I did the test. I've done a load of washing, chatted to our next door neighbour, watched some TV... and in between all that, looked at the test! I told Jonathan about the pink spotting, he said "Isn't it possible to bleed a little while pregnant?" I can tell he'll be sooo supportive about everything.

Right now, I just need him to come home, and tell me if he sees the line too!

Another edit: He saw the line but had trouble, and thought it might have been just the slight discolour of the different material in the stick. And I had another bit of spotting, browner this time, and getting a little worried about it :( Trying not to think about it, but at least it's helping me to remain more negative heh :S

Tired

I'm tired. I can't wait til we can just kick back and relax in our new house. Can someone come finish off the packing and the moving? Thanks.

3 days til the move

Three days until we move house!

We've been very busy packing, we have so many boxes it's hard to imagine how it all fit in this tiny place! A lot have been taken to the in-laws where they're holding stuff for us til we move, and a few boxes have gone to my mum's she came up to help us pack a few boxes and take stuff away.

We're over half way done (maybe almost 75% through) for 3 days solid packing (we started on Saturday). I thought I'd post now, since when we move we're going to be without the internet for a week or so, although there'll be lots to keep me occupied, all the unpacking! We had a huge stack of newspapers by the front door (the freebie ones that come) and we didn't bother to do anything with - they've come in extremely useful! (Used a lot of them while packing - when we unpack we're going to unearth a rain forest of scrunched up newspaper :S

I've kept some sanitary towels unpacked, for incase my period comes... If my cycle this month is 28 days (last month it was screwed up due to my stress) I'll be due around the 16th, so it'll be handy to have them easily accessible. I'm not really keeping watch for any "signs" that I might be pregnant this month. Just taking each day as it comes and seeing what happens.

If there's nothing significant happen I won't post here again before we move - in which case it could be almost 2 weeks before I post here again. Hope you're all well, and nice to see Mamabean's new bump growing!

Ovulating around now, if my calculations are right :)

The last week or so we've been packing up our belongings ready for the move, all spare clothes, DVDs, CDs, sheets, etc. There are only 11 days til we move, which is getting closer, luckily Jonathan has the week off next week, and we've managed to unload several boxes onto Jonathan's parents, and my parents, which they can bring along shortly after we've moved. So the living room is looking less cluttered, as is our bedroom.

All the while, Jonathan and I have been having intercourse regularly. We've had intercourse every other day at least from the day my period stopped to present this month, which should optimise our chances for conceiving - much more than last month anyway, as we had not started trying til about two weeks after my period had stopped for that month, so more than likely after I had already ovulated. I've been enjoying it too. I just need to make SURE I don't start testing. It's very tempting, but it will just serve to add stress. I'm just going to carry on the way we've been going - having intercourse every other day, until my period comes. And if it doesn't come, I'll wait a few days, then test. We should be in our new place by the time my period is due.

Going by the ovulation calendar on the Babycenter site, I'm most fertile this month from 27th Feb to today - maybe I should make sure that we have intercourse today just to make sure ;) If we DID get pregnant this month, our baby would be due around the same time as my nephew was born last year - late November!