Some worries, and WHEN will I feel pregnant??

There's nothing much really to update right now, I'm not feeling morning sick yet, I'm not really feeling pregnant yet in any way... except my breasts are still tender. I don't seem to be spotting much anymore, just every now and then every couple of days, and a verrrry tiny amount.

We've told our siblings now that they're going to be aunts and uncles.. Jonathan's sister seems quite excited, and has sent me a few messages on Facebook asking about when I was due, and things like that, and saying that she and her fianc� would be coming to see us ("all three of you, woo!") possibly next weekend.

Something that's been plaguing my mind recently is the thought about how we will cope with a small baby, how good parents we will be. I've seen my fair share of children who come from families who couldn't really cope with having children from working in a nursery in the poorest area of town. I guess I just have to keep in my mind that I know what it's like to cope, what it's like to NOT cope, and know that I want only the best for my child, so I will do everything I can to make sure I DO cope. I hope I can find the strength to make sure I *always* put my children first, and to lay aside the selfish and lazy tendencies I know I have at the moment. I guess it's hard to know just how much your life will change with children until you have them... Even though I KNOW they will change my life, it's hard to know... until I get them. Little things, like having a shower, sleep, eating dinner, which I suppose you take for granted before you have children. And probably a million more things.

It's strange, slightly unrelated I guess to the jamble of feelings in the last paragraph...

I think to myself.. "I'm pregnant!" yet something inside me keeps saying "this pregnancy isn't going to last" or "this pregnancy isn't real", something like that. I don't know what it is... it might just be the whole thing with pregnancy being so disjointed from reality at the start... Maybe when I get a scan that voice inside me will stop talking. Maybe it is just because I don't FEEL pregnant yet, and because I haven't seen or felt my baby yet... I have over TWO whole weeks before I get my first midwife appointment. There's so much to think about, so much to do, so much to arrange, and buy, and it's just so overwhelming sometimes if I stop to think about it all. Right now, I'm just not focussing on anything to do with the baby really. We need to sort out our house. Get the furniture and storage we need, get all the unpacking done, get into a proper routine. Then when that's all done we can start thinking about what the baby will need.

I need to go to bed now, our bedroom furniture is arriving tomorrow, and I need to clear some room for the delivery men to come through the house for me with the packages. (Which I shall do tomorrow)