Sunday 29 June 2008

19 weeks 2 days (just) - POKES! :D

Oooh! I just HAD to post this now (I usually try and wait 24 hours before posting another entry!). Thanks so much girls for your messages, and hi Sarah! I will try and get a photo tomorrow of the cot bed in our room done tomorrow.

Anyway, After I'd posted that entry this morning, I was doing the washing up, and thought I felt some stirrings and such. But! The most amazing feeling, tonight, I was sitting downstairs on the sofa, and suddenly, I felt what was UNDENIABLY Sausage! And the best bit was that it felt different to before, where it just felt like something swooshing in my belly, and rather big movements, this felt like actual POKES and prods! It was fairly low down (a little below my knicker line), and over on my left hand side a bit, so I'm thinking it may have been feet. And it must have lasted for about a minute, just poking me over and over :) I am so glad I have got to feel this for myself, and feel so incredibly lucky that I was fortunate to conceive so quickly!

Anyway, that's about all. :) Thanks for reading :D

19 weeks 1 day - cotbed made! Yippee

Nineteen weeks pregnant! Wow! Although I am worried I've not felt Sausage move lately. And I know that the midwife would just say "don't worry about lack of movements until 20 weeks" or something like that. I may have been feeling the "smaller" movements, I don't know though. Just not the big rolling movements I've been used to feeling. I'm hoping to feel one soon, as I'm not getting any medical appointments to see if things are ok until the scan on 17th July. Just under 3 weeks away.

Ailments wise I've been ok. Not great, but ok! :) I think I've been having a few days of what they call Pelvic Girdle Pain, which hasn't been great, led to a couple of nights of restless sleep. Luckily last night was okay, and not too bad when turning over. It might be getting a little better. Also yesterday I felt the telltale signs of heartburn creeping up on me during the day, so I took some rennie tablets a couple of times, and they seemed to do the trick.

Oh, on other news, during the week, we got our changing table, and our cotbed from mothercare! So yesterday we put together the cotbed, and it's now standing in our bedroom, all ready and waiting. Maybe it's a little early, but ah well. Nice to stare at it wistfully hehe. It looks great, and sturdy. The cat likes to hide underneath it at the moment, and I'm hoping she doesn't start wanting to go in it, but we have a plan for if she does that... I read something about filling some empty soda cans with something that rattles a lot, and filling the cot with those, so if she jumps in, the cans will fall over and make a huge rattling sound and scare off the cat. Will save us having to have a net over the cot. But yeah, the cotbed is kinda huge :) Takes up a lot of room in our bedroom, so we've had to move out one of the chest of drawers we had in there. Today we're going to try making a start on getting some of the boxes in the spare room clear - starting with all the stuff that could go in the loft. That should get rid of a lot of the stuff we have lying around in there. Because eventually we want to make a semi-nursery, semi guest bedroom in there. I say semi because the cot will be in with us at first, and probably only move in there when the baby is older.

Anyway I think that's all I wanted to say today. Keep your fingers crossed that Sausage will do a big roll for me soon! Oh and if there's any tips you can give me for getting Sausage to do a roll for me I'd appreciate it ;) If there are such things lol..

Thanks for reading! x

Wednesday 25 June 2008

18 weeks 4 days - local water scare

Hmm. Well, today our cotbed mattress and changing table/cupboard arrived. I had just had a shower, so hurriedly pulled on a dressing gown to go answer the door. I thought the guy had finished, I signed his thing, went back upstairs and the door went again. He said "Oh, since you've only got up recently you've probably not seen the news - there's been a contamination in the water supply, you should probably boil all your tap water you use for drinking." I thanked him, went upstairs, and googled it... and sure enough, there has been a water contamination issue in Northamptonshire. The town I live in isn't on the list, but there is a town on the list within 10 miles of where I live, so I figure that it's better to be safe than sorry... and as I'm in the low immune system group along with old and young people (although none of the websites have mentioned pregnant women, we do have poorer immune systems), I really don't fancy being ill for well over a month! (apparently people who are healthy and have normal immune systems can take a month to recover - so imagine how long it would take those of us with poor immune systems!) Anyway, so yes, I've boiled 2 kettles full of water so far, and a big pan of water. Storing it in the fridge so we can use that for any cooking/drinking/teeth brushing etc. The friend I mentioned who is pregnant, J's best man's wife, she actually does live in Northampton so her water supply is definitely affected. As are my in-laws, who live in one of the villages on the list.

Anyway, people have been panic buying bottled water at the supermarkets apparently. J and I are going shopping tonight, will be interesting to see if there are many people panic buying water this far out as well. I don't think we'd do such a thing, I'm against bottled water for a start, besides, it's already been said that boiling water is enough to make sure the bacteria in the water are killed off. Why pay money for stuff that's not required by law to have health and safety checks, and therefore in a lot of cases have over 100x more bacteria, chemicals (even arsenic!!) than the stuff that comes out of your tap for practically free? Some people have too much money to spend and yet don't spend it actually RESEARCHING what they're buying. Bleugh, weird people. Sorry to those of you who buy a lot of bottled water, and think tap water is generally bad, but hey, you're reading my diary eh? Nuff said ;)

Anyway, I'm getting thirsty (perhaps lack of being able to just turn on the tap and grab a glass of water is having this affect on me? ;) who knows hehe), so I'll catch you later. If you haven't seen pics of the babygrows my dad got us yet, or the belly pics, hit the before button for the former, or the belly link down the bottom for the latter. Tata chickies, thanks for reading! xx

Tuesday 24 June 2008

18 weeks 3 days - photos, breastfeeding issues

Thanks for the notes and comments about my new belly pic. Can't wait til it gets EVEN bigger! ;)

Anyway, this is going to be a short entry today, but I thought I'd post pictures of the 3-6 month baby clothes my dad got us from France. Gosh, I can't WAIT to get cute outfits in the right colours! Especially cute little pink things if Sausage is a girl! Anyway, here goes, they're all rompers/baby grows, whatever they're called!

The last one I think I probably wouldn't use much if Sausage is a girl, with so much blue in it it does look like a little boy babygrow rather than a little girl one. But they're all so cute! Oh my gosh, I feel like I just can't wait to meet Sausage, and put him/her in gorgeous little clothes, and snuggle with him/her, and just take in every single thing.

I looked up on google last night when kicks can be felt from outside, since J seems very keen to feel the baby kicking. The other night, I felt my tummy, and I could feel it really hard under my skin. The uterus is right there, and just feels so hard. Anyway, I said "ooh, feel this Jonathan" and he comes up quickly and just lays his hand over where I motioned, looking all expectant, and I said "no, prod it, it feels really hard there" And his face went all crestfallen and sad and said "Oh, I thought the baby was kicking.." Poor J! Anyway, from what I've managed to find out, it will probably be another 6-8 weeks before he can feel baby kick, which is a bit of a shame, that it's so far away especially since I can feel baby move in there.

I was thinking about it a bit, and I reckon that the movements I can feel are actually Sausage rolling over in there, or generally big "change whole position" movements, rather than kicks or jabs with his/her little arms or legs. They don't really feel like jabby pokey feelings at all, and I think the fact that I can feel the movements only every so often makes me think they are movements s/he tends to do only every now and then, and the thought of rolling over, or full body twists or whatever sort of match how I'd imagine it to feel with what I am actually feeling.

I just find it really bizarre, I hold up a measuring tape to my tummy, with the length charts and baby development websites reckon s/he is at now, and I think how HUGE that is, especially seeing as that's CRL not full length from head to toe, and why the movements I feel aren't HUGE to match! I do feel so lucky, generally. I love feeling those movements, and wish they could come every few hours, every day!

And a revelation I had in the last few days, while thinking about it, was rather odd.. one of those things you will read and think "well, duhhhh!" because of course it seems obvious but it didn't really occur to me before. And that is how amazing that even NOW, with a baby INSIDE me, and part of me, how much of an individual it is! I can't control what Sausage does, if s/he moves, or anything really. All I can do is take care of myself, and hope that Sausage is getting all the nutrition and food s/he needs. And I'm so glad that Sausage takes nutrition from my body without a regard for mine, so if I don't eat enough calcium for the two of us, for example, I know that Sausage is at least getting what s/he needs, so it will be me that goes without first.

Something else I looked into yesterday on the internet was the issue of alcohol and breastfeeding. I do miss the occasional drink, like a glass of wine, or whatever. Or a smirnoff ice as a cool refreshing drink. And I was thinking "Jeez, I'm not going to be able to drink until Sausage is weaned!" but anyway, on a whim I decided to google it, and found several sites which say YES you can have the occasional drink while breastfeeding, as long as you're not too intoxicated to drive, you'll be fine to breastfeed. Or make sure that you wait 3 hours or so after a glass of wine before breastfeeding, make sure to prepare ahead of time and express some milk for baby before you drink. Which is such a relief that I won't have to completely abstain from drinking once I've given birth as well. Although they do recommend you wait until the baby is 3 months old before you drink as if some is still in your breastmilk, only a tiny bit of alcohol can tax baby's liver. Whereas after 3 months, a baby's liver is usually a lot more mature and can metabolise alcohol the same as an adult's liver can.

I read some yahoo answers about a woman who asked about breastfeeding and drinking alcohol, there was some reply from someone saying "you may as well just fill up baby's bottle with wine and give it to her"... and another from someone saying "How irresponsible! I can't believe you're even asking this..." and things like that. And then there were the well researched and thoughtful answers which were similar to the paragraph above. Someone even replied to the not so thoughtful answers with "You can't compare a glass of wine with your meal to an all-night bender on the town" which is true. The woman who asked the question was referring to the odd glass of wine or half pint of beer with a meal, not going out on the town 3 times a week and getting plastered. Ah well, as long as you're responsible with it, don't get intoxicated to the point you can't take care of a baby (which 1 glass of wine with a meal shouldn't do), and wait for the alcohol to leave your breastmilk as it does with your blood before breastfeeding, there's no reason to do it.

On another matter to do with breastfeeding, one of my online friends was talking about an encounter she had in public. (She's 20, not pregnant and doesn't have children) She was sitting near a woman who was breastfeeding her baby. Another woman comes up, and tells this breastfeeding woman she shouldn't do that in public. So my friend says to her "You know, if that baby was screaming because it was hungry, you'd be the first to complain as well, so leave her alone" At which point the complaining woman left in a huff, and the mother thanked my friend. It reminds me of an advert I came across on youtube (linked to from a facebook group). If I am blessed enough to have a plentiful milk supply and able to nourish Sausage with only pure-mummy milk, I will do it whenever and whereever s/he needs! Anyone who tries to tell me off, or make me move is going to get an earful!

Hmm, seems this entry ended up not as short as I thought it would be. Ah well! Hope you're all well, and thanks for reading.

Monday 23 June 2008

18 weeks 2 days - belly pic in the gallery, first baby clothes!

Oooops, ok I was 2 days late on the belly pic. Didn't get round to making J take a full length picture either, so will save that for the 20 week one (which will be half way!). I do feel like my belly has grown massively since the last photo. And I *think* it shows as well. There is now a definite "bump" that you can see from the top, although laying down you can't really see anything still, it all looks rather flat. Which is why I'm doing traditional standing up pics.

My dad came round yesterday, Caroline (my step-mum) said she could definitely tell there was a bump now, which was nice :) They also brought around some things they bought in France. 4 little sleepsuits/rompers, for 3-6 months. I welled up a bit, they're the first baby clothes we've got! I can't wait til I get some newborn clothes, I'll probably cry buckets! They also brought around some pregnancy creams and body washes etc from my SIL. We've not spoken really since "the incident" except I texted her to let her know the midwife appointment went ok and we got to hear the heartbeat. She hasn't initiated any conversation whatsoever, even though I told her to contact me since she was obviously so upset with me, and once I got what I needed to say off my chest I was fine, so she should talk to me when she's ready. But yeah, I guess she still seems to think that saying anything to me will cause me to hate her, even though I specifically told her that wasn't the case. Ah well.

Anyway, I must say, the time is FLYING now! It seems like hardly yesterday that I was 17 weeks pregnant, now I'm 18 weeks. And 19 weeks will zoom up on me so fast I know. The only thing is it doesn't seem like very often that I feel Sausage's movements. Maybe it's only the strongest movements I can feel and s/he doesn't do them very often? I felt them a bit when we were walking around doing cot shopping the other day. I'm looking forward to when I can feel them a lot more often. And when they actually feel like a little hand or leg poking me! It's hard to describe the feeling right now, but I love it :) Sometimes it feels so strong it makes me stop in my tracks.

Anyway, I've gotta go - got a LOT of washing up to do today!

Saturday 21 June 2008

17 weeks 6 days - a friend's miscarriage, another friend's pregnancy

I'm quite sad... someone who I knew online miscarried her baby at around 8 weeks pregnant. I may have mentioned her in a previous post, it's a girl who's in the same guild as me in the online game I play every now and then. Her boyfriend is in the guild too, and he's the one who let us know. I feared the worst when he said he wouldn't be coming online because he'd just come back from the hospital "for personal reasons". She was due around the end of January. Her boyfriend said she'd had some bleeding, and it got worse, so they had a scan which showed the baby's heart had stopped beating.

Urgh. I can only imagine what they are going through. I hope I only have to imagine what they are going through. It wasn't planned, apparently, but they were so happy and excited about it. She'd even bought some little socks for the baby. Part of me is worried about how I will appear to them now as well. Because my pregnancy is going well, no problems so far (touch wood). I posted on a forum to let people in my guild know J and I were expecting, and I just feel glad now in a way that my next scan is so far away (another 4 weeks), as it will give them hopefully a bit of time to heal before I share news of the scan. I feel guilty in a way that I'm still pregnant. Which is stupid I know, because I know that although hearing things about someone else's healthy pregnancy would upset me if I was in their shoes, I know that no-one, no matter their feelings or how upset they are, or even resentful would ever EVER want someone to lose their baby. For me I will just try and be sensitive towards their loss, and not mention my pregnancy at all that I can help. It's the best I can do right now.

I guess though in other news, slightly more cheerful, Jonathan's best friend since they were kids (and also his best man), Paul is also going to be a dad. His wife Vikki is expecting their first child around Christmas, they've had their 12 week scan. I'm quite excited about it, although she seems quite down to earth and not at all as over the top excited as I was. But even so, they live in Northampton, only about 20-30 minutes drive away, so it might be quite nice to have them as playmates when they're little :) And it's entirely possible for them to be born around the same time, if I'm 2 weeks late and she's 2 weeks early... ;) Although she'll probably be going to Northampton hospital, whereas I'm going to Kettering.

Anyway, I hope you're all well. Thanks for reading. Will update the belly gallery tomorrow sometime, as well as cot-shopping news. xx

Wednesday 18 June 2008

17 weeks 4 days - baby stuff, money stuff, child learning stuff. Big entry!

I haven't really felt Sausage move very much (if at all) the last two days. Which is slightly worrying, but then I have been very windy (sorry for TMI!) both days, and anything I've felt has felt like just wind. Although I guess it could have been both wind and Sausage, I don't know. I'm hoping that the windiness will subside a bit so I can distinguish the movements more. Because now I won't be seeing anyone to check on Sausage's progress until 17th July, a whole month, which is the scan.

J keeps saying, and he said last night, that he thinks my belly has been growing, he thinks my belly is a lot bigger. The thing is, it's hard to tell for me, especially even feeling it, my tummy feels hard to the touch, but then so does the bit I know is just flubber (the stuff above my belly button). But I do look at it sometimes and think "yeah, it does look more rounded than before". Ah well, I knew this was going to happen - that it would be hard to "tell" for a long time because of my size pre-pregnancy. Anyway, I'll do another belly shot on Saturday, which will be 18 weeks.

Also on Saturday, J and I are going to head into Milton Keynes and do some shopping for the baby. We're going to look for cots (well cot beds I suppose, as they last the longest). The in-laws have kindly offered to buy us something for the baby, around £200 worth, which should pay for the cot and matress. So that's nice! My dad has also offered to give us the same amount of money for the baby, so we'll have to see what else there is left big things for the baby, otherwise we might just end up spending my dad's money on bedding, towels, nappies, breast pumps and stuff like that! It's so nice that the parents are being generous and helping out with the baby stuff. We knew we were expecting it from my parents, since they are very much into the "treating kids the same" and they both spent money for my brother last year. But with J's parents, we were not expecting anything, and just leaving it for them to offer if they wanted to.

J's parents have been extremely generous to the both of us anyhow, they gave us a huge loan, with extremely low interest for life to pay off the mortgage from the flat, and at the same time they offered the £200 baby gift, they said to just take off the interest, so basically we're just paying them back the loan interest free, which is amazingly generous. PLUS they said, since they were planning on offering a loan to J's sister, which would be about double the amount they gave us, they would offer us the same amount again interest free if we needed it. J said he might take them up on about 1/5 of the loan they are offering us again, just to make sure things are seen through okay until the flat sells, since we'll have a few things to pay for in advance, like the double glazing on the flat, and a new hall carpet, and redecorating, etc. Plus any baby things, which of course aren't desperate and the flat should have sold way before then hopefully! So all in all, our financial situation is very comfortable, thank goodness! And hopefully it'll mean that once the flat is sold, we'll have a huge chunk of money sitting gaining interest until we can pay off a large part of the new mortgage with it, and then hopefully some of it we can spend to convert the garage and possibly the loft before the baby is too old, or before a second one is on the way! Hehe, look at me, thinking about a second one before this one is even half way ;) I am so blessed to have such a wonderful sensible husband, who kept his pants on (well not literally, but you know) before we were in a good situation like this, even though I've been so incredibly broody for almost 5 years!

I do still worry about things. Even though I've been broody for so long I worry about whether I'm ready for motherhood, about whether I'll make a good mother. About whether I can CHANGE certain things about myself that I know are not good traits for a mother-to-be. Like my laziness, and my selfishness. But then part of me says in myself that I can and will be a good mother, because I have wanted it for so long, and it may be hard but things will get easier as I get used to them.

I have always loved being with children. I loved my time in the nursery (well, for the most part, if I only worked with the colleagues I got on well with - the ones I can count on one hand more or less!), and I LOVED spending time with the children. I especially loved working with children and seeing them grow and develop into more confident and happy individuals.

There's one little girl who I don't think I will EVER forget, she came to nursery lacking in confidence hugely, she would scream the place down when her mother left, and would hardly make any eye contact or talk at all once the screaming stage had subsided. I did have some help from colleagues with how to help her settle in, and their ideas worked extremely well, and it was amazing the transformation in this little girl over the year I worked with her. And I know you're not supposed to have favourites, but this little girl was so sweet, I couldn't help but have a huge amount of affection for her. I treated her the same as the other children, but whenever I looked at her, playing with some of her friends, and laughing, I couldn't help but remember how far she'd come, and the sense of achievement it gave me that I was such a huge part of this girl's development. She'll be about 7 or 8 years old now. She probably wouldn't remember me if she saw me again, which makes me a little sad, but I'm sure she's doing fine.

Whenever I think of that, I think how amazing it will be to have a child of my own, to teach them and guide them and love them, and hopefully bring them up to be a confident and self assured human being right from the start. Many parents don't realise that they are their child's first teacher. They just think that they can send them to school and that's where they will learn their numbers and their colours and how to respect others and the world they live in. They don't seem to realise that what they learn in the 5 or 6 hours they are at school is minimal compared to the other 18 hours they are at home. By many parents, I am talking about the majority of parents I came into contact with while I was working in the nursery. The school was in the poorest area of the town, over 50% of the children were Asian, and it seemed like only a few of the parents had spent any time with their children at home, playing with them, teaching them colours and numbers and things like that. Because of the level children were generally coming into the nursery at, we had to work REALLY hard to bring the majority of children up to a level where they could count to 10 by the age of 5 (!), or even recognise some letters. As for reading or recognising whole written words like "cat", I only remember one child being able to do that by the time they went into reception class in the 3 years I worked there. And that was a child who unsurprisingly had a mother who read a lot to her children at home. Also we had very few children who could actually write their name leaving us for reception. (Despite us doing activities to help them, like tracing their name, or copying their name from cards) Because the average child where I worked was so much below the national average, when we got a national average child, they seemed REALLY clever. But at the same time, they weren't stretched, because of the work we had to do to stretch the majority of children was already things they could do easily.

Jeez, I can talk for Britain haha. Anyway, my point is I guess that I hope I can do a good job for my child before s/he goes to school. So they don't lag behind or find things too difficult. Hope youre all well, and thanks for reading. (especially big thanks if you're reading this far down, as this was a monster entry today hehe) x

Edit at 1pm - Sitting here at the PC I suddenly felt Sausage move again! :D Quite a lot of movement in one go, s/he seems to have quietened down again, must have tired him/herself out :) So pleased to have felt it again either way. Can stop worrying for a little while! :)

Monday 16 June 2008

17 weeks 2 days - vivid dream, father's day

I had the most VIVID dream last night. I was 32 weeks pregnant, when I went into labour prematurely. I was seeing the doctors in hospital, who were saying, no you'll be okay, and then before I knew it, I felt the baby's head crowning, (I was standing up!) and leant down, gave a little push, and caught baby as it came out! The doctors sort of stared in disbelief, before running off for some reason, and I sat down to immediately breastfeed this 8 week premature baby I'd just given birth to! Then I thought "oh, I'd better check the sex", opened the baby's legs to see that it was a girl! But the weirdest thing was that this baby, although it was premature and just been born, was the size of about an 8 month old baby! And wide open eyes. The baby in my dream had deep blue eyes, and sandy brown hair. It was that vivid! I dreamed that I told my parents and J's parents, who had arrived (although for some reason I dreamed I was at home with the baby by this point), that we'd named her Chloe Anne, at which point J's parents' eyes filled with tears of joy. My mum lit up a cigarette, and more strangely, so did Jonathan's mum (who doesn't smoke), and I was furious because they were smoking around my new baby.

I remember waking up, and my nipples feeling weird, because in the dream I breastfed this baby a lot. It was so bizarre!

I did have a dream a while back that wasn't very vivid, where I had a scan and the baby was revealed to be a girl, and I was very surprised, so now, that makes gender dreams as Boy: 2, Girl: 2. So I really have no idea! How strange that in the space of a few weeks I was so sure it was a boy, and now I really don't know! Last night's dream was so vivid I can't help but wonder for sure whether that has anything to do with it.

Onto more real matters (hehe), this weekend was fathers day, well yesterday more like, but on Saturday we had Jonathan's parents around for a barbecue, and we had a lovely time! Although I wore my low cut black maternity top and my boobs did get a bit sunburnt. Ooops! For my 18 or 20 week belly picture I might get Jonathan to take a full view picture of me, one with belly exposed like in previous shots, and maybe one with top down. Anyway, back on topic, on Saturday, during the day, and after J's parents went home, I felt Sausage move a LOT! It was so nice! I just can't wait for the feelings to get even stronger, although they are feeling more strong already from even last week. I can't believe I'm 17 weeks pregnant already. Time seems to be flying! I'm almost half way through! These new feelings I get with Sausage moving, and knowing things are progressing nicely make all the niggly pregnancy discomforts so worth it. I've not had any heartburn since that time I said, but I've got packs of Rennie at the ready incase I do! :) The most annoying thing right now is how long I spend in the toilet! But that's okay really, it's nice to have that reminder that Sausage is still in here and doing well.

We'll be seeing my dad next weekend, since I think hes busy working this weekend (such is the life of a GCSE and A level tutor - always busiest in the run-up to exam times), and next weekend he's going to Chester to see Stephen, Nicky and Ewan. On the way back they're going to stop by here and we can cook them a barbecue or a roast dinner or something. I sent him a card via post... I think when he sees me next weekend I may well get a thump! Haha. Lets just say the inside of the card summed up the card as a whole.... "Happy Farter's Day!"

Anyway, thanks for reading, hope everyone's weekend went well too! x

Thursday 12 June 2008

16 weeks 5 days - new scan date :(

Thanks for the comments about the appointment :) I'm actually surprised I didn't get all weepy, I think I was more in awe than anything else!

Got a phone call this morning - the hospital is pushing my scan back 3 days :( So instead of the 14th July it's the 17th. Doh! Ah well, at least that way it's even closer to my birthday, the day before :D Very much closer to 22 weeks now with that change of date, but ah well.

I'd also like to say thanks to you, Heather, for your note. I've been wearing my maternity tops lately, and instantly LOOK more pregnant! Yay!

Becky - yes I will be finding out the sex if I can - I *think* Kettering don't have a policy against letting you know the sex of the baby, just hoping that Sausage spreads those lil' legs! haha :)

Wednesday 11 June 2008

16 weeks 4 days - followup midwife appointment

Yay so I have been back from the doctor's for about 20 minutes and caught my breath finally (I am SO unfit it is unreal).

Midwife appointment went great, BP and urine is fine, iron levels are good, blood type came back as A+ which I didn't know before meant that the rhesus was positive! Hehe. You learn something new every day. Apparently positive rhesus is good... although surely it could possibly mean that my baby has a 1 in 4 chance of being rhesus negative anyway? Or even a 1 in 2 chance, if J is negative. (If I'm rhesus positive with 1 + rhesus and 1 - rhesus, and Jonathan is the same, there's 3 chances it'll be positive, and 1 if it gets the - rhesus gene from both sides it'll be negative)

Then the best part! She wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat. Yay! "I was hoping you'd say that!" I told her, and leapt up onto the table hehe. After a bit of prodding around, she found the heartbeat. It didn't sound at all like the "swooshy" sound I'd heard on TV/youtube videos, but was actually very clear! Most definitely a healthy beating heart. :) She felt the top of my uterus just below my belly button, which surprised me, but apparently that's the normal place for it to be! Hehe. I thought it was a bit lower than that, or according to the internet anyway. But yes, all good indications that Sausage is growing well. Oooh! I can't wait for the scan now. And how unfair I have to wait for another FIVE whole weeks! Argh!

Part of me still can't properly comprehend it all. I *still* find it hard to believe that a month before Christmas (roughly!) I will have a baby. In my arms! Actually here with us. I find it so bizarrely wonderful imagining that there is infact a tiny tiny being inside me. A tiny human with arms, and legs, and a gorgeous button nose. How bizarre to hear a heart beating inside your abdomen!

Goodness, if I had a doppler, I could imagine myself spending hours at a time listening to my baby's heartbeat. I suppose it's a good thing I don't have one! ;)

Hope you're all well. xx

Sunday 8 June 2008

16 weeks 1 day - definite movements now. :)

I'm 16 weeks pregnant. SIXTEEN. Woah! Where'd the 11 weeks since I found out go? I have my midwife appointment in 3 days time, can't wait for that either. :)

Yesterday, I felt what was pretty much a "flutter" in my tummy, which makes me wonder if the movements I felt before were Sausage or not. But I'm pretty sure that now I have definitely felt Sausage move, since it did feel more like it has been described than the first ones I thought I felt. But even though I've felt what I'm 99% sure is Sausage doing backflips inside me, there's still a niggly feeling that can't wait til the appointment, so I can ask the midwife if she can try and hear the heartbeat. I can't remember where I read it now, but I remember reading someone saying that they got worried about their little one, had the scan and felt better, then a week or so later began worrying again. Which is practically identical to me! So I guess worrying about the welfare of that little bean/sausage inside of you is just common, especially when it's your first. I've not been OVERLY worried in the weeks since the scan, which will be FOUR weeks tomorrow - woah!

It's strange, and reading Heather's diary reminded me of it, although technically I'm still in that phase, how at the beginning, you're not showing, you can't feel movements, you just have to HAVE FAITH that all is well. J reckons my belly is getting bigger, but I don't look bigger to me AT ALL. All my flub is masking any baby growth, which is a pain because all the skinnier people have BALLOONED by 16 weeks! I'm so jealous! I want my baby bump already!!! I'll take another picture for the belly gallery at 18 weeks, and from then on every 2 weeks. Not that it'll make a lot of difference in my opinion!

Since my scan at 12 weeks, where Sausage measured 53 mm, the fetal development sites reckon Sausage has DOUBLED his/her CRL to around 109mm. In four weeks! Go Sausage! Although different sites reckon s/he is as much as 170mm. S/he has also learned how to grasp things - like his/her umbilical cord! Little Sausage now has fingernails, and his/her legs are longer than the arms now. Sexual organs are fully developed now, it won't be long before Mummy and Daddy know whether Chloe or Robert is coming into the world to see them in November! (Or December, if he/she is two weeks late like Mummy was!)

So I guess it's obvious that I'm a little happier than I was, although my SIL hasn't been on MSN longer than it takes her to realise I'm on there too... I guess it's still a waiting game as far as that's concerned. She said to me that she'd leave me to initiate conversation "if I wanted to" even though I told her I have no problem with her and it's up to her, but she hasn't left me any chance to initiate conversation, she comes on, then about 5-10 seconds later she logs off again. Ah well. Anyway, hope you're all doing well, and thanks for reading! x

Thursday 5 June 2008

15 weeks 5 days - ramblings, some TMI, sorry!

I will try and forget about yesterday's incident for the time being, rather than let it eat at me. Thank you Becky and Megan for the advice, I'll see how things go for now.

Last night I wasn't very well, I don't know where it came from, but it was the opposite end to that which most women have problems with during pregnancy. I was off my food at dinner time, we had a barbecue, and all I managed really was a few bites of salad, the whole jacket potato, and only a bite or two of the other stuff on my plate (sausage, burger, and kebab). Then, (sorry for TMI) I was farting all evening, and the smell was HORRENDOUS. I went to bed, carried on in there (ewww) with the windows open, and then got up several times for a wee, and the last trip was when it all came cascading out. Yuck. Sorry! Hope no-one was eating when they read this. But after that I felt much better and got a good night's sleep. It's just a bit weird, have I got some weird aversion now to processed meats? I love a bit of steak, and haven't had any problems with it. But then I don't think I had any problems with burgers or sausages before last night either. Maybe it was just inevitable, no matter what I ate.

Ah well, the important thing is that I'm feeling okay now.

Anyway, I forgot to mention a few days ago that I had another gender dream, and while it was very blurry, I don't remember much about the dream at all, I remember it was during a scan again, and I was told it was a girl, and I remember being VERY surprised! And happy! And now for some reason the % has dropped a lot for chances it's a boy, before it was about 90% in my head that it was a boy, now it's more like... 60%, or less. I feel a bit guilty to tell the truth because I feel I have more of a preferance for girl than boy, and at least when I was thinking it was a boy with practically 100% definicity (is that a word? lol) I wouldn't be upset if it was indeed a boy, and would be thrilled if it turned out to be a girl. But now in my head it's almost as likely to have a boy as a girl, if it's a girl I'll be less surprised, and if it's a boy, I may well think I'll be a little disappointed. Of course the overriding factor in all this is no matter the sex, if they're healthy that's what's most important at the end of the day, but I don't think I'll be able to stop that tiny bit of disappointment all the same. I guess at least, finding out the sex in 6 weeks time, I will have 19 weeks (assuming I reach my due date!) to get used to the idea that it's a boy. Which sounds HORRID. Although maybe when I find out it is a boy, I will be absolutely thrilled anyway. Time will tell I guess.

Thanks for reading, tata x

Wednesday 4 June 2008

15 weeks 4 days - hurt my SIL's feelings. :(

Bleugh. Another run-in with the sister-in-law. Mostly my fault I guess but in my mind there was nothing else I could have done, and that what I did was right... She shows an interest in my pregnancy, asking bits and bobs, like "how are you?" and "when's your next appointment?" and so on. Whenever I reply with something that could be construed as negative, or is negative, ie, my heartburn, she always responds with "Poor you". Now this really REALLY gets on my tits, for the lack of being able to describe it better. It just sounds to me to be so condescending, and just annoys the hell out of me. And I know she doesn't mean it to sound like that... Anyway, today, she did it again, and I figure that I'll tell her it annoys me, and that I know she doesn't mean it to be condescending, and anyway, to cut a long story short, she gets upset with me for telling her this, that she doesn't know what to say, and that it's hurt her. I try and explain to her that I figured it's best to tell her now, so that she can stop annoying me with it, and I think I told her in a way that was fairly nice, especially compared with how I probably would have told her if I'd bottled it up! Basically I said to her "I know you don't mean it like this, but when you say that, it sounds very condescending". The way I probably would have told her if I'd kept it bottled up and finally snapped would have been something like "Oh for christ sake, do you HAVE to be so condescending all the time??" So I think I did the right thing. Only thing is now, she thinks that she constantly annoys me, and it seems no amount of persuading otherwise will convince her that it was that one little thing, which she now knows about. And this makes me think that she now no longer wants anything to do with me, because I will no doubt hurt her again. And she probably won't ever talk to me again because she thinks she'll be annoying me. Urgh. What a mess! Any advice? I tried to let her know it was just that one thing that was annoying me, and that I didn't hate her, nor was I constantly annoyed by her, but she just went offline (this conversation was on MSN).

Anyway, on other news, I finally got round to installing a comments system, which you'll see below. I also haven't really felt any more movements that I'm aware of. But it's a waiting game I guess.

Anyway, thanks for reading. x

Monday 2 June 2008

15 weeks 2 days - baby shopping!

J and I went to Kent, to see my parents for the first time since March and the grand announcements (or should I say the grandma/pa announcements? ;) ) My dad and step-mum got sozzled in front of me (pah) on Saturday night, well not completely, but by the end of the evening, my step-mum was slurring very slightly, and telling me to "take good care of that baby" even though she'd be seeing me in the morning.. hehe. Something that I found unusual was the fact that in the morning, I must have eaten maybe only 5 mouthfuls of the cooked English breakfast I had in front of me. I just couldn't eat anything else!

Anyway, on Sunday, times were a bit less easy going - my mum generally is on a shorter fuse than my dad and his wife, and her boyfriend does wind her up a lot, although I don't think they could do without each other. But we all had fun pram shopping - well, I think me and mum more than J and Dave, but the two of them contributed to it a bit as well, and we made sure the pram we picked out was comfortable for Jonathan to push along (at his height of 6'5"). We saw one, and thought yes, that's perfect, but then we saw another one, and that had so much more room, was slightly higher on the handlebars, etc. We chose the Mothercare Trenton Deluxe pushchair travel system, which according to the sizes given to us will fit into the boot of our car. Just! And is also comfortable for Jonathan to push.

When we'd made up our minds, we went around and nosed around the rest of the shop, at the cots, and the other bits around. I saw those great little chair things - gah I forget the name, one second.. aha, Bumbo.

I also stopped to look at baby baths, and this prompted mum to mention the bath my brother and sister-in-law use for my nephew.. "they use a bucket to bathe him in..." and with the italic "bucket", imagine a disgusted tone and screwed up face expression. At which point, a woman in the shop behind us who was also browsing said "I have to say, those bucket baths are GREAT! My son hated the ordinary sort" and she gestured to the ones on the shelves, "but he absolutely loved the bucket bath, made him feel so much more secure. Then when he outgrew it, he went straight into the bath." Which... er... kinda shut my mum up lol... Thing is with mum is that she's in her 50s, and she has set ideas on what she wants, what she likes, what is "normal", and anything else is just WEIRD and unnecessary. But she is good in that if I have said I like something, before she voices an opinion on it, she will keep quiet.

Oh, and I also bought a lot of maternity clothes using some M&S vouchers. :D I have 6 great tops, and 2 pairs of trousers. I wish I could find that skirt I had, it'll be great for summer! Ah well, I'll find it soon I'm sure. There is a top I really love, unfortunately I need to find a new bra before I can wear it. Since it shows quite a lot of the strap. But lots of really nice tops, yay! I think if I get a bump band my wardrobe (bar a nice pair of summer trousers, a larger coat and a warm top or two for winter) will be complete :)

Hope you all had a great weekend! Thanks for reading :) x

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to say! I think yesterday, I may have felt the baby move for the first time. Although I'm not really sure, or if what I felt was too high up to be baby movements. I've been watching out for anything that may be described as fluttering or bubbles, and while I'm not sure the feeling is either of those, it was definitely something weird that I've not really felt at all this pregnancy so far. Is 15 weeks too early? Or is it possible this was the baby moving? It's so hard to tell, I don't know for sure what it feels like, if it was the right sort of feeling. I guess I'll wait and see if I feel anything similar over the next few weeks.