15 weeks - new belly pic, trip to Kent this afternoon

Thanks for the notes of sympathy and advice about my last entry :) It finally cleared up around midday, and last night was a lovely uninterupted length of sleep (apart from the 2 or 3 times getting up for the loo of course!).

I am 15 weeks pregnant today, and as such there's a picture in the belly gallery, although I personally cannot see any difference since 12 weeks. Ah well! J thinks I have got bigger though.

Anyway, am going to Kent for the weekend, well just over a day probably - we're going to my dad's for about 5pm/6pm today, since thats when he finishes work, and spend the night there, and breakfast, and then we're going to head over to mum's. Mum has a jam-packed day scheduled for us all... pram-shopping in the morning, followed by lunch out somewhere, followed by an afternoon (or an hour or two max hopefully!) of me picking out knitting patterns for Sausage. She says she'll do a jumper for me first because she wants to know whether Sausage is a boy or a girl before doing those bits - she wants to do pink or blue ;) But I guess I'll have to make sure that the sonographer is REALLY sure about the gender before I let mum loose on the knitting needles! ;)

I can't believe I'm almost 4 months pregnant. But at the same time it feels like it's crawled along - how is that possible! ;) Whenever I've been reading pregnancies - Alices' three mainly, and aware of Nicky's pregnancy, it seems to have been over in a flash. Yet for me, it seems to be taking ages, yet at the same time, it feels like only a couple of weeks ago that I found out I was pregnant! When in fact, I found out about it TEN whole weeks ago!

I'll have to remember to take my Pregnacare tablets with me to Kent, along with my antenatal records. Anyway, we have to leave in 2 hours, and have the front lawn to mow and lunch to get before then, so I'll leave you for now, have a great weekend folks! x

14 weeks 6 days - Moaning entry, sorry! Heartburn :(

Ok, I apologise in advance, but this entry is going to be a moany one. I have discovered the joys (!) of heartburn. I don't know whether I got it bad or whether I got it normal, but I couldn't sleep at ALL last night... well, until gone 6am. I was up at 4.30am, researching heartburn, then up again at 5.30, since it occured to me while laying in bed after researching it that milk is alkaline, right? So went up to get myself a drink of milk. It didn't really help much. Then early this morning I woke up to go to the toilet again (for the 3rd or 4th time, since I was awake anyway I realised more often I needed to go), I suddenly got an overwhelming wave of nausea, and rushed back to bed as quickly as I could, and asked J to go and get the washing up bowl from downstairs incase I needed to be sick. Thank goodness I didn't, but I was breaking out in hot and cold sweats. And even now, I feel really bad. My heartburn has lessened somewhat since last night (being upright probably helps) but now my stomach is churning and gurgling horribly. And my heart sinks when I think that the heartburn is only going to get worse and keep coming and going. I just keep trying to think that in the end, it'll all be worth it, that in November we'll be welcoming Sausage to the world and that will make all the aches, pains, heartburn, sickness, labour.. worth it.

14 weeks 4 days - dreams, BGT, impatience

I seem to just sleep and sleep and sleep lately. That night I went to bed past 1am was a BAAAAD idea. I think it's completely screwed my internal body clock and now I can't get up until gone 10. J got up with his alarm this morning, I heard the alarm, but then I went back into SUCH a deep sleep, when he brought up my tea, I was in the middle of a dream, where I was over at my sister Helen's house, along with my mum (lol) and we were eating christmas dinner! Well, getting prepared to eat christmas dinner. Anyway, Jonathan appeared in my dream, and said "Tea time!" but he was actually saying that in real life, as he put down my tea by my bed. Then I fell back into another deep sleep after he left, and by the time I woke up again, my tea was cold. Ooops! So I got up, dragged my dressing gown on, and put the tea into the microwave and made myself a bowl of cereal. This was about an hour ago at 10am.

Am watching Britain's Got Talent semi finals this week.. oooh they're so good! And the competition was very tough last night as well - the show had about 4 VERY good acts (8 total), but only 2 could get through to the finals, and I think of the 4 good acts the right 2 went through. I've been scouring Youtube for the auditions, and saw most of the ones on there that I've seen over the past 2 evenings. Ooh it's such a good show. And I did like that 13 year old - Andrew - his singing was incredible and I loved the song he chose. And those two kids, the Cheeky Monkeys, were adorable and their dancing was great.

Anyway, I'll be in front of the TV same time same place tonight hehe ;) 8.30 ITV!

Anyway, I keep thinking to myself I should watch out and be alert for any fetal movements - it IS possible to feel them by now right? Although usually only those who have been pregnant before feel them this early. Does me knowing what they're supposed to feel like put me at an advantage? Or is it something you can only know when you feel them yourself, does weight of the mother affect the way the movements are felt? Ah I guess... only time will tell. And I will feel them eventually, I am just coming to realise that I am indeed one of the most impatient people I know! (When it comes to things I'm looking forward to!) I can't wait for the next scan, I can't wait to feel movements, I just can't wait for anything it seems! ;) Anyway, I'll sign off here, if you missed my last "proper" entry, hit the previous entry button twice. Thanks for reading! x

Sausage's Ultrasound Gallery

Luckily I've had a good stress free pregnancy, and no complications so far, so only the dating scans here!

The profile of the face is clearly visible, and surprisingly detailed! Sausage was hiding his/her arms and legs in the stills although we saw them on the screen. Dates put Sausage only 1 day behind those of my LMP. No proper sign of any boy or girl bits, there wasn't really a clear view, she just stayed on the profile shot so couldn't really see between the legs. We'll have to wait until the "big scan" at 21 weeks!

14 weeks 3 days - Sausage's development and home-ware buying!

14 weeks and 3 days along today. Second midwife appointment is in 2 weeks and 1 day! I can't believe how much sausage has grown in the 2 weeks it's been since the scan. I can't believe it's BEEN 2 weeks since the scan! It still seems like just a few days ago! But at the scan, Sausage measured 53mm from rump to crown, s/he can now be anywhere between 85 and 90mm! That's almost double! S/he is also practicing different facial expressions, and is starting to grow hair and eyebrows. Little Sausage is now definitely a he or a she, organs have differentiated into male or female ones, and only time will tell before Mummy and Daddy know whether to buy pink or blue!

In the last few days, I have noticed an alarming increase of urination. And unlike for the most part this pregnancy, yesterday for the first time I felt like I really needed a wee, went to the toilet, and only a little came out. I need to get up at least once during the middle of the night these days to go to the toilet, most often two times before I get up in the morning. And as such my sleep is suffering a little too - because when I get up to wee, I wake up, then when I get back into bed, Jonathan is snoring and wheezing away, making it difficult for me to get back to sleep. Argh! J and I went to Chiquito in Milton Keynes (ahhh how I love that place!) for a meal on Saturday on the way back from Aylesbury. I had 3 glasses of diet coke there (although really I think it was probably just over two, because of the amount of ice they like to throw into the glasses - sigh), and I had to go to the toilet just after we the starter, and then again at the end of the meal. I can usually manage just after we've had the meal. Apparently the frequent toilet trips are supposed to be waning, not escalating! Hehe. Ah well, at least it's something that makes me think all the time that I am pregnant still! :) (even though it's a little infuriating at the time!)

I'm going to try and take some pictures of the house today - since we've not done any since we've moved in, and it's high time we did it :D Our bedroom is nice now, the living room is nice, the kitchen is about the same as it was before hehe. But it'll be nice to have photos of how it was when we moved in, like we had for the old place to see the difference heh.

We went shopping in Milton Keynes yesterday - looking for furniture and stuff for the house. We still have several hundred pounds worth of vouchers from our wedding three years ago, which we can now finally spend on things for the house! We went around with a shopping list of two nice toilet brushes, a table for the hallway to put the phone and the mail on, etc, and maybe a nice dining table and chairs. We went in John Lewis first, and found a cheapy bit of furniture which would have done for the table in the hall, it was about �60, but it wasn't very nice to look at. We also went around and looked at their table and chairs sets, and we found a lovely one which was a nice square size unextended, that I believe will fit 4 people easily (or just about) as it is, and then extended will fit another 2 people. The only thing with the dining furniture in John Lewis is that it's quite.... pricey! lol But we have �140 in vouchers to mitigate the damage hehe. And we're thinking that maybe if people ask what I want for my birthday, I can ask for a dining chair from the set! ;) Although my mum at least is incredibly anal about birthdays and birthday presents etc. But I do really want a dining table. Not least because I know that when I'm heavily pregnant, eating food off my lap will become very difficult. I'll see if I can persuade her, although I don't know if she will be able to afford a chair (the ones that match the table we want is almost �100 per chair!), maybe if it's mine AND J's birthday presents for that year maybe.

Anyway, then we went to Marks and Spencer - we had �365 to spend there in vouchers, and we found a couple of nice toilet brushes - a nice marble one for the main bathroom (that co-incidentally matches the bath and toilet etc!), and a steel one for the downstairs toilet. And while we were looking around, we found a nice "bathroom storage tower" that would actually go PERFECTLY in the hallway! Was very nice to look at too. It was over double the amount of the plain bookcase-type table we saw in John Lewis, but I think it was worth it, plus we had more vouchers to spend there ;) We ordered it, but unfortunately we'll have to wait another 7-8 weeks (sigh) for it to arrive. Which is smack-bang around the date for my second scan. But apparently if they say a date you can't be there to accept, you can get them to deliver it another day. If it's going to delay it too much though I suppose I could ask our next door neighbours to accept it for us, check it over, and hold it until we get back from the scan (assuming it's going to arrive while we're at the hospital for the couple hours it'll take lol). it's a shame we couldn't take one of the two display models home with us that day! ;)

Ahh, it's so nice buying things for the home. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough, I need to go get dressed, and take some photos of the house now :) Hope you're all okay, and thanks for reading!

13 weeks 5 days - HypnoBirthing

I filled in a form yesterday for a practioner of Hypnobirthing who has classes close to where we live now. I first saw this on Richard and Judy - years ago now, and was so impressed with the idea I made a mental note that when/if I ever got pregnant, I would like to investigate it more.

Anyway, this woman called me back with times and dates of the next session, which runs through from the end of July and through August. I am eager to do this, not only for myself (pain free labour! How tempting!) but also for Jonathan, as I have heard often husbands and partners stand by helplessly watching their loved ones going through so much pain and being unable to help. Apparently the role of the birthing partner in the labour is intregal, and I would love for J to feel he has a special part to play in the birth of his child (other than just taxi driver and helpless onlooker!). Anyway, I have a date to see the midwife in a few weeks time, 11th June. J seems very apprehensive about using the woman whose form I filled in yesterday, because of the website I followed through from - it was one of those cheesy "look how great this product is, look at the photos of the happy customers, look at their testimonials, here's what you get for such and such a price, and oh wait there's more, order now and get 10% off, and a free xyz blah blah" websites.

He seems okay with me going for hypnobirthing, but he wants to make sure I'm not "scammed", so I've agreed to ask the midwife about any registered hypnobirthing practioners in the area. And as far as I could tell from my googling, the only one was the woman I contacted. But we'll see what the midwife says. And this way at least we'll both be happy. I hope the midwife knows about hypnobirthing. If not, maybe she'll know about similar things.

Something I'm quite confused about is how generally relaxed I am, considering this is my first pregnancy. I mean yeah, I was panicking a bit in the run up to my first scan, but other than that I've generally been fine. And something else that's boggling me is the fact I don't think my profile has changed AT ALL since I got pregnant, I really don't think I'm any bigger. It seems crazy to think that I'll most likely be huge come this winter. It also seems crazy that I'll have to wait 7 weeks and 4 days until my next scan. That's just bloody ages away! Over half of my total pregnancy so far! I'm just so impatient! Hehe. I guess I should just wait for the midwife appointment, maybe she'll be able to let me hear the heartbeat. Gosh I do hope so. I think I need something soon. I know this little one is inside me, but right now it just seems like me. The baby isn't moving (that I can feel of course), I'm not showing, I'm just... me.

Time to actually do some stuff around the house, I've been slacking lately. Thanks for reading xx

13 weeks 3 days - Body image

I just wanted to record something I sent in an email to J because I feel it is significant to this pregnancy, and overall life outlook. I want it to be here so that when I look back over the time I was first pregnant, I will see it, and hopefully it will encourage me to carry on, or perhaps if I have changed, to come back to how I am now.

I'm feeling quite positive today, especially since the weather's cheered up a bit, and also I was thinking how it's good that this pregnancy has made me eat more healthily, I'm eating much more fresh fruits, and liking salad more, and stuff like that. Hopefully, this will carry on past the pregnancy, and I'm sure if it does, I may well lose weight without really trying, especially if I'm breastfeeding as well (apparently breastfeeding burns 500 calories a day!) I think it has sparked a complete change in the way I view myself. I know I'm overweight, but now, I feel healthier, and happier, knowing I'm eating good foods, and what I want more than anything is to feel completely happy with myself, and comfortable with the person I am, in the body I'm in. And I think I'm part of the way there already.

I have had so many diets since I was maybe 18. At 18 I was around 160lbs, I managed to drop to around 150lbs, but then, in the years since, I gradually climbed up to 210lbs (my highest weight that I know of, although I know that by November I will be heavier than that). I dropped down to about 187lbs with the latest diet, but then gained some again. I've not weighed myself recently, and I don't plan on doing so for some time. I know I'm going to gain weight. That's the whole deal with pregnancy.

But right now, I plan on eating well, and carrying on eating well long past pregnancy. I hope I can do this, I WANT to do this. But foremost, I want to be happy with myself. I WANT to stop dietting, but lose weight through healthy eating and exercise as part of daily routines. I want to love myself for all my flabby rolls of fat and my big thighs and wobbly arms. I'm crying right now as I say this, because, I am realising that finally maybe I am doing everything I want. Or at least beginning. I stand in front of the mirror naked, and I don't hate what I see. I am ACCEPTING what I see is me. Not some fat woman who should be skinny. And while maybe I don't LOVE what I see in the mirror, I'm getting there. I really think I am. And I think this pregnancy has made me see that. Bodies aren't just for people to idolise, for people to look at and go "how pretty". They have a purpose, and they do amazing things. And I stand naked, and look at my body in the mirror, and I think "wow, this body I see here is doing amazing things, and although I can't really see it right now, I know it is."

I cannot believe it took me so long to realise that my body is so special just the way it is.

13 weeks - 2nd gender dream

I had my second gender dream last night, the first one being way back in week 7.(!) Again, it was a boy! I was 20 weeks pregnant, and was having the second ultrasound (although the setting was more like a classroom than the room I went into for the 12 week scan!), and there, as clear as day, was the little boy bits. They zoomed up close to them as well so you could really see the detail (almost seemed like 3D scans the amount of detail I could see). So there we go, so far it's 2-0 in favour of boy as far as dreams go!

I got my blood test results back from the hospital today, I'm in the low risk group for Downs Syndrome. (Which I was kind of expecting, I am fairly young) Which I guess doesn't really mean anything, my baby still could have Downs, just is less likely to than if I was in the high risk group. I've met a couple of children with Downs when I worked in the nursery. But it is a bit of a pain - people who get put in the high risk group get to know for sure whether their baby has downs through a follow-up test. Maybe there was no real point in getting that test done. Since I won't know for SURE now before the birth anyway. Which would have been the same had I not had that test done. Ah well, either it is or it isn't, there's nothing much I can do either way and I'll love this baby no matter what. It'll just be a bit harder if s/he has downs than if s/he doesn't.

Anyway, I'd better get going, I need to get dressed (just had a shower), and then we're going to Homebase to get some step ladders. Anyone would think we'd taken out shares in homebase! ;)

12 weeks 6 days - Lots and lots of random stuff.

Well, when the men brought the sofas on Wednesday, they also seemed to bring along cold wet weather. Urgh. I don't know whether it's because of the climax from now having the sofas (and now nothing to look forward to for the immediate future), or the fact the weather is now piss poor, but my energy and my mood has taken a skydive. Yesterday I was lethargic, and bored. Like I wanted to do something, but I didn't know what. So I browsed the internet for a while, watched a bit of Stargate SG1, ate some bacon cheese and mayo sandwiches, then went and had a nap until gone 6pm, and then played a bit of WoW until J got home.

We went downstairs and watched TV a bit - well I went first and watched the end of a programme called "Britain's Youngest Grannies" which was about women who had a girl in their teens who then had babies in their teens also. (So the Grandma was about 30something) I got thinking, assuming the trend did carry on, it's possible for someone to be a great-great-great grandma and still be alive!!! And infact if every generation had a baby at 16 (or younger), the first one could be a great-great-great-great grandma if she lived to be 96 years old! How freaky is that?? I don't remember ever having a great-grandma alive.. I don't think I had one alive anyway. My Dad's parents both died when he was a boy, and I think their parents also died a while back. In fact, I don't really know anything ABOUT my great grandparents. But these days, with people living longer, and some people having babies sooner... people DO get to know their great grandmas. My Nan (mother's side) has been a great-grandma for 12 years now, to my cousin's little girl Abby.

But Jonathan's side... our baby will only have one great-grandma his side, and unfortunately, she has Alzheimer's, and is steadily getting worse. I don't think she really knows who we are anymore, whenever we see her, we're just "nice people" who she comments about when we're not there anymore. Well, it's understandable that she thinks that of me, but you'd think she'd recognise Jonathan more, being her grandson... I guess it doesn't help that she's a long distance from where he grew up.. She talks about her childhood like it was yesterday, forgets key details, like how many sisters she had. I was reading a blog of a woman who'd had a baby, and she took it round to see her grandma - the baby's great grandma, who also had Alzheimer's. The grandma thought the baby was hers. It's quite sad, and I can see that happening to Jonathan's gran too. J has been making sure to send some letters to her every now and then, with updates about the baby. It will be her first great grandchild, and at least if she has the physical letters, she will have something she can hang onto, and keep looking back at. He put a picture of the scan in with the last letter.

Hmm. So enough depressing talk I guess.

I just can't wait until either the next scan, or until I can feel movements. Or something! A real belly size difference. I know that people say you don't really feel the baby move until about 20 weeks with your first baby, but maybe I'll feel it sooner because I know what to look out for, what sort of sensations it's been described as. But still, it'll be at LEAST 2 weeks from now that I'll feel it probably. I guess it can be quite frustrating for the father, because it's probably impossible to feel movements from the outside until quite late on, even though the mother may be able to feel the "bubbles" inside.

Hmm, and later on today I need to organise an appointment to see the midwife at 16 weeks. Seeing as that's just over 3 weeks away, better to be safe than sorry I guess ;) I wonder what sort of thing she'll do at that appointment? Maybe try and hear the baby's heart beat? Presumably check sugar levels and blood pressure again, and tell me the results of the blood test I had at around 9 weeks. (And maybe the blood test results from after the scan at the hospital) I didn't get to hear the heart beat at the 12 week scan, she just showed us the heart beating.

I was talking to my mum last night on MSN, she had mentioned a while ago that if we wanted, after Jonathan had to go back to work after Paternity leave, she could come and stay with us for a week to help out with baby, or cooking, cleaning, washing, that sort of thing. I suggested it to J, and he seemed to be ok with it, so I told her so, and we talked a little about it, and also about other sorts of pregnancy related things. It was nice talking to mum about it, even if her views on things are a little outdated, and she doesn't seem to know a lot about certain things. For example, when I told her I was spotting at around 4-6 weeks pregnant, she was really worried, but I explained to her about implantation bleeding and she seemed to understand then and go ahhh, ok. When I mentioned about cloth nappies, she also said to me "normal ones or shaped ones?" when I asked her what "normal" cloth nappies were, she said they were a square of material folded into a triangle and fixed with nappy pins!! She's 52 this year, so I guess not quite with it with regards to the modern "normal" cloth nappies haha! Talking of cloth nappies, I finally got around to filling in that questionnaire thing on thenappylady. So hopefully soon I'll get a recommendation through.

Oh yeah, something else my mum was talking about was that one of her friends was once pregnant, and she kept having normal periods up until 7 months pregnant (!) and didn't gain much weight at all, and so didn't know she was pregnant at all! at 7 months she stopped having her periods, and 6 weeks after that they finally found out she was pregnant! (But thought ofc that the baby was only 6 weeks gestation!!!) And were surprised when the baby arrived shortly after that! Apparently during the whole pregnancy she only went up one dress size! How crazy is that!! That's also something that boggles my mind, how you can have a full sized baby floating around inside you and not be huge. Lol :)

Anyway, that's enough blabbering for now I think. Need to get some breakfast. Thanks for reading xx

12 weeks 3 days - another entry - new photos!

Hey again all! (Second entry of the day - if you missed one hit the <<>

I've been a busy girlie today! I've tidied up the box room ready for the armchairs to go in (sofas arriving tomorrow woohooo! Although I'm paranoid they'll end up going to the billing address - our old address we lived in when we ordered the sofas, not the delivery address we stated to them at time of ordering). I've also been busy with the camera! (double woohoo!) Go clicky on the belly gallery link for self taken slightly blurry and surprisingly flattering pic of 12 week belly, complete with cat in the background!

And then get yo ass back here, because there's a second pic! And it's been a long time coming! My 8 (hehe) pregnancy tests!! I spent ages trying to get them in focus, so you could see the lines and text perfectly clearly...

Tell me... can you see a teeny tiny hint of a line on the top two?? No? Try squinting, and holding the webpage up to the light, can you see it now? Just about? And so finally you see what my early EARLY entries were about! Hehe! And why I wasn't keen to shout it out until the line became darker :)

My tummy has been feeling hmmm.. what's the word... tight I suppose. I would bend over slightly and my tummy would CLENCH and I was like woahhhhh... how weird! But also wonderful! I love how different my body feels now I'm pregnant, particularly my tummy. :)

Anyway, thanks for reading! Again! :)

12 weeks 3 days - not down from the scan "high" yet!

Thank you all SO much for your messages! I just can't help but almost cry when I read them, or see the pics, or think about any of it all. The support I have found here since I got pregnant is just amazing, and really makes my day whenever I get a comment from any of you!

I just can't stop looking at those ultrasound pics. I wish I could just reach my hand into my belly and stroke sausage's little head! Since I saw little sausage on that screen yesterday morning, I have just gone through such a huge array of wonderful emotions. Relief, joy, awe, and a million others I just can't pinpoint right now! I am just amazed, and so so happy. The doctor doing the scan was so lovely, and pointed out everything on the screen - the heart, the arms and legs (which somehow disappeared from the stills!), the head of course. Oh.. I am just sooo content!

I've been examining them, and in one of the scans I swear I see sausage sort of laying with his/her arm behind his head, as if he's laying stretched out on his/her back and going "Ahhhh... bliss!" And those little blips we saw sausage do.... just wow! I can't wait til I can feel them!

I found a chart online today, that showed lengths and weight per week... this week the chart said something like 54mm (Sausage was 53mm) and 14 grams. By 13 weeks, Sausage will be around 74mm (that's 2 centimeters growth!) and 23 grams! And going down the table found here it just gets more and more amazing. The amount of weight the baby puts on each week is just astounding! By 25 or 26 weeks the baby puts on over 100grams with each week that goes by! And then by 31 weeks it starts to put on 200g per week.

I just stare at those pictures and think "wow, there is a whole tiny person inside me, just needing to grow now so that s/he is ready to come into the world" I never really realised what a magical moment this would be! Even though the scan was uncomfortable (she pushed down really hard!), I can't WAIT for the next one! It's on 14th July, 10am, just 4 days before my 25th birthday! What a fantastic birthday present that will be! I think I timed this pregnancy just right! hehe. First scan 5 days after our wedding anniversary, 2nd scan just before my birthday, and baby just before christmas!

I don't really know what else to say that I haven't already, so I'll leave it here. Thanks for reading! xx

12 weeks 2 days - the scan! Photos! Sausage is fine! :)

Sausage is ok! :D We got there in plenty of time for the scan, having drunk 2 pints before we left, and oh my goodness.. there's an ACTUAL baby inside me! A baby with a head, and body, and 2 arms and 2 legs. (although the scan stills don't really show the arms and legs very well) The heart was beating, and as she was doing the measurements (which put me at 12 weeks and 1 day! Only one day off!) Sausage started to wiggle HARD! It sort of looked like his body "blipped" up from the bottom of the uterus, and then fell down again, and did it several times while we were watching :)

It was sooo hard not to cry, it was amazing! And I did cry a lot, I think I must have been all red around the eyes by the time I went back into the waiting area to wait for my maternity notes and the copies of the ultrasound.

Anyway, here are the pictures...

I won't bother changing the ticker down there, since they only reckoned it was 1 day out, which is close enough imo. But this also gives me EXACTLY the same EDD as my sister-in-law now (23rd November)

Thanks for all your well wishes. :) I've been busy telling the world! (Uploaded the scan photos to facebook, and also to my WoW guild forum)

Hope you're all ok xx Thanks for reading!

12 weeks 1 day - hormones and a bad dream

Eeeep, less than one day until the scan. I'm trying not to think about the worrying things, because I know my worries are quite irrational. So I'm just trying to be excited and trying not to be nervous about it.

Yet again another gorgeous day, J and I haven't done much other than he's been sorting out finances and shredding old documents, and I've been doing some washing up and vacuuming. The barbecue's on the go again, J is very careful to cook things thoroughly, especially food I am eating.

For the most part, my hormones and moods haven't been very severe.. I mainly get a little weepy, that sort of thing, however last night I did throw a bit of a strop, mainly because recently my tummy has been feeling odd - been getting twinges quite a lot, and it was doing it then, and I was getting hungry, and I was stood in the kitchen, feeling hungry and my tummy feeling not very nice, and saw loads of washing up and messy sideboards, and just threw a wobbly moaning about how I always have to do the washing up because J's back aches when he does it (he's 6'5" so has to bend down to the sink). J was lovely though and told me to go and sit down, that he'd do it, and put dinner on, which he did. Although when I went and apologised for throwing the wobbly, he sort of went quiet, and didn't really say anything until I asked "do you forgive me?" to which he replied "well, make sure you don't do it again." which I don't think I can do! I mean, I can't help it with my hormones can I? And to be honest, I think the last 12 weeks I've been VERY good! (I'm known to be a bit moody even WITHOUT being pregnant!) So... I hope he doesn't take things too personally. And that he can continue being supportive and loving when I need it most.

I had a dream last night - well I think it was when I was dozing after my alarm went off (read - cat meowing at the foot of the bed and scratching the carpet). It was that I was sitting on the toilet after I'd had a wee, wiping, and just wiping sheet and sheet of blood. I was getting more and more upset thinking any moment now I'll wipe away a big blood clot, but it never happened. And when I got up and went to the toilet, I wiped, and thank goodness, still clear.

Please wish me luck for tomorrow! I'll be sure to update and everything. Also I know I'm a day late on the updated belly gallery, I'll try and get another picture done for it today. (Though I don't think there'll be any difference :( Silly tummy)

Thanks for reading xx

11 weeks 6 days - 3 to go, feeling a bit better xx

I don't know what to say... thank you ALL so much for your notes, it meant so much to hear from each of you that it's normal, and that chances are I have nothing to worry about. However, I probably will still worry... lol. Ah well, but at least I only have three days to wait now.

Oh, and tomorrow I will be twelve weeks pregnant! Oh my gosh! I can hardly believe it, but still, I'm trying not to get too excited until I see the scan on Monday. I'm so glad I don't have to wait until 13.5 weeks, like the midwife had me thinking I'd be waiting til. As soon as I see little Sausage on the scan, moving away, heart beating, and nicely progressing, I will be thrilled and just BEAMING and will tell the world that I'm pregnant :D Those being all my extended family, all my facebook friends, and all my World of Warcraft friends. I still have a subscription to WoW (it's an internet game, massively multi-player) and I was once addicted to it. (Meaning I had to play every day for several hours) Since I've become pregnant though, my entire outlook has changed, and I've stopped WANTING to play as much, I only go on every now and then, do a few bits in the game, talk to my friends on there, and such. It's like I'm naturally weaning myself off it in preparation for Sausage's arrival, which is great. :) I can't wait to tell my friends on there about it. And also the facebook friends - the majority of which are old school friends and suchlike.

Caroline (my step-mother) said she wanted to tell her family (mother, brother etc) my news, but I was wondering once I have a picture of the ultrasound, and scan it into the computer, I could just email it around :)

Oh! And some more good news, I don't think I've said it here yet... J got a phone call on Wednesday saying that our sofas will FINALLY be delivered next Wednesday! And they'd text him on Tuesday saying a rough time period they'd be coming! Oh my gosh finally, I can't wait! Not that I didn't love relaxing on 70s chairs where the cushions slip all the time, with hard wooden arms, and no real ability to stretch out.. hehe :) We'll have to go and get some nice red scatter cushions to match the carpet and curtains (the sofas are a creamy/ivory colour). Hehe, J's credit card certainly loves me ;) J's bank account however... not so much ;)

Anyone else finding the nights getting hotter? J and I had to open the windows in the bedroom last night, and sleep with the covers off - although I kept managing to pull them back on in my sleep haha :) I am wondering lately why I haven't had any more gender dreams since I was about 7 weeks pregnant. Not a single one! Bizarrely.... most of my vivid dreams lately have been about.... ahem.... to steal a phrase from Alice... parsnips ! I have had at least two very vivid dreams about parsnips which is so unlike me! Maybe I am needing more parsnips than I've been having recently. Since J and I found out we were having a baby, we've had parsnips once - about a week ago (which was so lovely, and I started crying afterwards for some reason!) I'm sure that as time goes on, I'll be having more and more gender dreams, and just generic baby dreams. I guess I just expected more than I've been having so far.

Anyway, I'd best get going, grab some breakfast, get dressed, and then actually make a start on unpacking in ernest (so we can clear enough room in the "box" room for the two chairs ready for next Tuesday night when we have to move them out ready for the sofas)

Thanks for reading (again!) xx

11 weeks 5 days - worried - please Monday hurry up!

I am suddenly really NEEDING to go to this scan, not just to make it all real, and to see sausage for the first time, but to MAKE SURE s/he is still there, ok, heart beating. Some women lose their babies without bleeding! How am I supposed to know Sausage is still okay really? I've not been getting severe morning sickness - hardly any at all to be fair. I felt a little odd this morning, I just went and laid down for a while to resettle my stomach, but that might have been from last night's indian where I felt uncomfortably bloated (even without having eaten much). Maybe the lack of morning sickness means that little sausage hasn't been ok for weeks? Eugh, I know I'm just paranoid, and plenty of women who have little or no morning sickness have perfectly fine babies, and don't miscarry... I guess this is just normal first pregnancy nerves?

It is four days away. FOUR DAYS. It feels like yesterday since I was saying it was 10 days away. So I guess time must have flown. I am nervous incase we are late from lack of finding a parking space or something - they say if you are late you might not be able to be seen... I don't think I could deal with not having my scan done. I need to make sure we are there, I NEED to have this scan done. No doctor has actually confirmed my pregnancy! I have had urine checked for sugars, I have had blood tests done for rubella/HIV/blood type/rhesus (don't know the results yet), but no-one actually saying "yes you are pregnant". The tests are here and very very positive, but still, what if I lost it? It's been 4 weeks since I saw the midwife, and since I took a test (with the sample I took with me to test for sugars). It will be another 4 weeks until I see the midwife again. Do you actually have to ask the doctor to confirm your pregnancy these days? Did any of you feel the way I'm feeling in the run-up to your first scan with your first baby?

And breathe.... try and relax... everything will be okay... you will see your little sausage on Monday and hear the heart beat, and you will wonder why you were ever so worried about it all.

I hope.

11 weeks 4 days - enjoying the sun, sausage's development so far.

Wheee, happy anniversary me! Thanks to those of you who sent me notes wishing me the same. xx We're going to walk down into town and have a nice meal out to the Indian restaurant. We went there last week some time and it was gorgeous! I can't believe that the sun is STILL out! I just feel like I'm on holiday, it's so great! This morning, I got a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea, and went and had my breakfast OUTSIDE! And this is the 5 day forecast for my area! For when the data changes in days/weeks months to come, I'll say it here: Today: 22 degrees, sunny with some cloud. Thursday: 23 degrees, sunny. Friday: 22 degrees, sunny with some cloud. Saturday: 24 degrees, sunny. Sunday: 23 degrees, sunny. I just feel so cheerful now with the sun, before in the flat if it got too hot there wasn't much I could do other than open all the windows, lie under the fan in the bedroom starkers and wet (haha) to cool off. Being on the first floor meant it was hotter than the flat below us, we got all their heat rising as well. This summer, I can go downstairs, open the french doors, hear the birds tweeting, and ahh it's just sooo blissful! I am SO lucky.

Now, to make this entry a BIT about pregnancy (hehe), here's what is happening with my baby right now and what s/he has already done!

Sausage is now over 2 inches long! S/he is also very active although I cannot feel him/her moving yet. Sausage's fingers are now developed and no longer webbed, and are growing fingernails! All of Sausage's major organs are now formed and functioning too, and s/he is practicing swallowing the amniotic fluid (and his/her kidneys are busy turning this fluid into urine!). Sexual organs are also developing, and should be formed in a few weeks.

It seems so crazy - especially since my symptoms haven't been severe, and I'm just waiting for the scan to show me that yes, this is really happening! I'm also eager to see if the LMP based EDD was close - I might have to change the ticker if it is way off! Hoping you're all okay. xx

11 weeks 3 days - changing body, lovely weather in the UK!

My goodness! What has HAPPENED to England?? It's suddenly turned into a gorgeous summer! Yesterday's weather was absolutely perfect! We invited my in-laws over for a BBQ - and J's sister and fiance too who are vegan. I asked Steve to bring a big umbrella with him incase it rained (the 5 day forecast we had a few days ago said it was going to be cloudy with intermittant rain! haha!), but in the end it wasnt needed. :D We had a lovely time sitting out in the garden and chatting, eating. J cooked the food beautifully, and the potatoes and salad I did went down a treat. Naomi and Ben brought their own BBQ food - vegan sausages, kebabs, samosas, that kind of thing. After we ate we went for a walk around the town - up through the gate at the top of the garden, then along the fields and round in a big circle. It was a lovely walk, and made me appreciate the town we live in a lot more. I thought the street we lived in was the only nice one in town, but I was wrong, which is great :) And we passed by a shop in town with an advert in the window advertising a table and 4 chairs for �40... mght have to go and have a look at that at some point! We do really need a dining set. I seem to have a sunburnt patch on my chest from the sun... ah well, it's not very sore, just a bit pink ;)

And yesterday with the sun and the good times flowing I just felt so overwhelmingly HAPPY that I'm pregnant, and that inside me is growing my first little son or daughter. I keep rubbing my tummy gently... there's no real bump there yet, just the same flubber that's been there since before I got pregnant, but I just feel so connected with this tiny being I know is inside me.. already! It's hard to imagine how I will feel in 6 days when I see my baby on that screen. I'm 11 weeks and 3 days pregnant. When I reach 12 weeks on Saturday it will be just AMAZING :D Just... wow. But I'm also a little nervous because I know my mother had two threatened miscarriages at 12 weeks each time. I think I will be over the moon if I reach 13 weeks with no problems or bleeding. I have had NOTHING like that at all since about 6 weeks pregnant, no spotting, nothing. I have had a LOT of EWCM for well over a week now, each time I go to the bathroom. But I'm assuming that's normal, since I'm not spotting with it.

Thank you Jemma for that link you sent me about the cloth nappies! I'll try and fill that form out for nappylady this week sometime. I'm so excited to be thinking about things like this - I think J would prefer disposables - he's all about the convenience, and I do admit, if I'm not strict with myself, I'd end up choosing convenience over effort too. But it's something I really want to try for my baby. I've also been watching a lot of youtube videos and things like that about breastfeeding latches and positions - I want to do everything I can to make sure that the baby will be able to breastfeed from me when s/he arrives. My sister-in-law as far as I know still isn't able to breastfeed very often, I think she still tries for the morning feeds, but she says she doesn't have a lot of milk. My mother also didn't have a lot of milk for my brother. I just really hope it's not the same for me.

I'm pretty sure that something IS happening to my tummy, lately whenever I scrunch over a bit, my tummy feels a lot firmer, and also when I laugh sometimes I can feel it's different. Also, my nipples are changing - J has noticed them getting bigger *rolls eyes*, I've noticed them getting darker. Not that difficult for me to notice anyway, my areola since forever have been practically the same colour as my breasts. But now... they definitely stand out! It's so fun noticing all these little things about my body that are changing with pregnancy. I just can't WAIT til I start showing. :D I wonder how big I'll get?

Well tomorrow is our 3 year wedding anniversary. And we're finally pregnant! Our last anniversary just us two. Well, hopefully! I'm just so happy to be having a baby at last. Hope you're all well, and thanks for reading. xx

11 weeks - 9 days to gooooo til scan!

11 weeks pregnant! 1 week til the next belly picture! It's so exciting that I've come this far already - seems crazily long ago since I was 5 weeks and announcing I got pregnant! Nine days until the scan. I am soooo excited about the scan. I just can't wait to see little Sausage! To know that the lack of period and the occasional (!) icky feeling and the line on the test wasn't just a freakish co-incidence determined to disappoint me with a lack of baby in November. J thinks that my "boy vibes" I've been having are silly, he says that he "thinks it is a girl, because it's random, and so that when it is a girl I can say 'I told you so'" I know it's random too.. I do, I just can't explain why I think it's a boy. And I will be so happy either way, whether I am proved right or wrong! I probably will be looking out during the scan to see if I can see any "bits", but I've looked at a bunch of scans where they say whether it's a boy or girl, and draw arrows to the relevant bits, and I really can't tell HOW they knew from that picture! (Half the time I can't even tell where the baby's head/bum/legs etc are on the pictures I saw) Maybe it will be more obvious when we see the actual scan moving rather than the stills... I will wait and see! :) Nine days to go! :D

Next Wednesday is mine and J's 3rd wedding anniversary. Since a lot of the non essential stuff is still in boxes, I have all my craft stuff still packed away so am probably not able to make him a card for it. But oh my gosh - our last anniversary just us two! (Well, technically I guess that's not true, but you know what I mean!) We were engaged for 3.5 years before we got married - together for 4 years. We decided we wanted to get married on our "getting together" anniversary, so we have nearly been together for 7 whole years!

This week I have also found several more "mommy" or "mommy-to-be" diaries, I really look forward to reading each and every one!

Yesterday I looked around on the internet at cloth nappy sites. Having been a long term reader of Alice, I really see the benefits of using them, and would LOVE to use them on my little ones. But omg, they are so baffling! 3 different types, some come in one size others you get for different ages, different brands, different "stuffers".. Since we don't have a tumble dryer, I guess we would be best off using the "pocket" sort so we can dry the padding and the outer bit separately. But I'm just thinking - what do I do? Do I order trial packs for about 5 different brands so we have enough for the new baby when it arrives? Or do I use disposables as well for when we run out of clean dry cloth nappies? And what stuffers do I use? And then once I decide which sort I like, what do I do with the spares? Send them back to the company? Give them away to friends? The only person I know with a baby from my non internet life is my sister-in-law, and her baby will be a year older than mine, so the spare nappies will be useless for her. What I do know though is that I will NEED to use them from straight away, or I know I will get into the habit of using disposables. And will like the convenience of disposables. If anyone has any advice, I'd be very grateful to hear it, notes or email would be lovely. :)

J and I have decided to sell the flat. He's spoken to his financial advisor, and he reckons there isn't a lot of difference between selling and renting, so we think it'll be best to just get rid of the "hassle" so to speak, and sell. Then we'll also have a huge chunk sum to put aside for paying off a lot of the mortgage, and also we can put some aside for buying the new baby bits we'll need, and things like that. We can't pay off the mortgage straight away because we're on a 5 year fixed, but we can pay some extra off per month until the contract runs out, and reduce our interest a bit on it. So, all in all, things looking good :) And maybe, if some time in the future, the owner of the house next door decides to sell, we could buy it, and convert the house into a huuuuuge 6 bedroom detached! heh. But that's just a pipe dream really, assuming that the owner will decide to sell before we have to move somewhere bigger (although that may not be the case, we have lots of conversion-ability here), and then assuming we have the money to buy, and then convert! ;)

Anyway, will leave this for now, on this nice bank holiday weekend. :) Hope you are all okay, and thanks for reading!