Parenting

Something I have been trying to do as Robert gets older, and more "himself", with his own views and wishes and wants, and the challenges that brings, is to try and parent him in a way that first and foremost keeps the following in mind with everything I do. To teach by example. I will say outright that I do not always manage to do the following, but I do try, and attempt to keep it in mind for the next time. If I want him to learn not to shout indoors, I try and not to shout at him. If I want him to learn not to snatch something from another child (or an adult), and to ask first, I try to ask him if I can have something, and not to take it off him. If I want to teach him to say please and thank you, I say please and thank you appropriately to him.

It is all too easy sometimes to see yourself as a person in authority, who does not need to treat his underlings with the respect he wants to receive himself. And I find myself falling into that trap too sometimes. I perhaps find myself thinking "I am the parent, and you WILL give me that now" and snatch something out of Robert's hands.

Something I am better at, and remember most times, is to say please and thank you to Robert. I remember my parents reminding me all the time "say please!" "say thank you!" And it's something that is hard to refrain from, you want your child to be polite and to be seen to be polite. And perhaps sometimes it's easy to think "if I don't tell my child when to say please and thank you, they will never learn when to say them".

I have rarely asked Robert to say please and thank you, at least not in the kind of way that has the added bit of guilt laden in to the request. I don't force him to repeat a "please" or a "thank you". Instead, whenever I ask for anything from him, I say please, whenever he gives me something, or does something I ask, I say thank you. And if he wants something, and says for example "boat, mummy!" I will say back to him "You would like the boat? Boat please, mummy!" and sometimes he will repeat "boat please mummy", sometimes he won't, but I will give him the boat, and praise him if he did say please.

He is now spontaneously saying please and thank you appropriately some of the time, without us telling him to say it, or modelling to him at the time. And it makes my heart swell every time he says "dee doo Mummy" after I've given him something, or done something for him. He is still little, and when he doesn't say please or thank you, he is not being rude, he's just being a toddler, who is still learning about life.

As the months roll on since Christopher was born, Robert is gradually learning about sharing too. Christopher is of course too young to be annoyed or upset if Robert takes something away from him, but Robert, seeing me hold a rattle in front of Christopher, immediately wants to play with it himself, he comes up and tries to take it off of me. I have been asking him calmly (while holding onto the toy tightly) when he does this, to "please not snatch, why don't you find a toy you want to play with?" and make a suggestion. And he is now beginning to let go with minimum fuss to find a different toy.

As the years go on, I'm sure my parenting issues will be much more difficult ones than snatching and manners, but so far I'm pleased that I have slipped into a way of parenting that seems to meet my ideals and work. Even if I don't always manage to do it right, it's an ongoing battle sometimes to let go of the ways of parenting that are familiar to you (ie, that you were brought up with), and to go with how you feel inside.

My two boys give me so much joy and laughter. Robert, while he is becoming his own little person, and gaining awareness of himself and his wants and needs, and learning to express them, is so cheeky and adorable with it. He comes up with little phrases that are so cute and funny. If Jonathan goes to do something that Robert doesn't want him to do (for example, gets up to go and get something and stop playing with him), Robert will say "oh, NO, Daddy..." with such a reproachful tone of voice!

I love that little guy so much, I find myself missing him when he's in bed asleep in the evening, and thinking how I can't WAIT to see him in the morning!

This is him before his haircut.



And then just before Christmas I gave him a haircut as it was getting rather long! I got the clippers out, boy it took a long time to get through all that hair!



Such a grown up little boy :)

And his baby brother, who is so happy, gives me the biggest smiles and the most gorgeous coos.





My two gorgeous cheeky little boys, how I love them so!

Not really about the kids

Today is Christmas Eve. And I spent about 45 minutes of it in the dentists. One of my wisdom teeth has infected the gum, and was in such bad pain I spent several days popping ibuprofen (1 every 4-5 hours or so). Now I have a course of anti-biotics, and hopefully, that will help clear it up. I also got a bottle of Corsodyl recommended by the dentist.

This afternoon is going to be spent printing photos, framing photos, making flapjack, and wrapping, ready for tomorrow. We are seeing Jonathan's parents tomorrow, although we saw them briefly today while we were sorting out the dentist, and taking back a toy to be replaced that was faulty.

This morning Robert woke up crying, to which our neighbours responded by yelling profanities through the wall at him. I was fuming, and still am annoyed having cooled down (and listened to some advice from much cooler headed people than myself!) that even if it was a "snap" from many mornings being woken, still why didn't they come and talk to us?? Argh! I thought they both worked nightshifts!

Anyway I should really get on and do some tidying/washing up/laundry/whatever while the boys are napping. Jonathan has gone out to buy a new printer because our old one is conking out.. which will probably mean even longer getting photos printed etc. What a stress Christmas is!

Robert's 2nd birthday

Well, it's a tad late... *ahem* almost 4 weeks late! Robert's 2nd birthday came in 2 parts. He saw his grandparents (my dad and step-mum) on the Sunday before his birthday, and also my brother and sister-in-law, and my nephew. He was fairly spoilt, got lots of cards, presents, attention, etc.





My dad and step-mum arrived in the morning, and he enjoyed opening his presents (and was much more adept this time!)

Around lunchtime, my brother,sister-in-law and nephew arrived. They live a fair drive away, but they visited one of my sister-in-law's friends the day before and stayed overnight in a hotel. My nephew Ewan is 1 year older than Robert, and when it comes to birthdays, it seems that this isn't the best of age gaps!! While Ewan this year was calmer than he was last year, Robert didn't want Ewan to play with his toys! Stephen and Nicky bought Robert a train set (compatible with the one we got from tesco before), and both boys wanted to play with the trains.





Robert got very upset though when Ewan wanted to drive a train on the track Robert was playing with! It was a verrrry stressful afternoon with this basically going on all afternoon, and Robert was in tears for most of it :(

The cake (recipe grabbed from Alice - thanks Alice!) was lovely, and Robert was in awe by it (probably the size! lol!) and knew exactly what to do, as he watched his Daddy blowing out his birthday candles only a month before!

The cake ended up with a mushroom top, as it was a LOT of mixture, and I didn't think to trim it!! But so yummy.





Again, I found myself with tears pricking my eyes as I took the cake in to Robert, am I the only one who does this? I expected it with his first birthday but not with his second! He seemed to like his cake, I cut him a slice, it was thin, but still quite big for the boys, but ah well, if he can't eat a big slice of cake for his birthday, when can he? :) The cake did about 20 slices in the end!



He didn't have a nap that day, he was so worked up and excited, we didn't bother as we could just tell it'd all end up in tears. And boy, by the end of the day he was SO tired!

The next day he was much happier, he spent the whole morning (maybe even the whole day, I can't remember!) playing with his new trainset. He loved it!









He really loves his new trains, and thus began his huge obsession with trains! I would have loved to make him a train cake but I just wasn't confident enough in my train-cake-making abilities! lol! He got a few train cards which he loved driving along the floor!

On the morning of his birthday, he came downstairs to this:



He made lots of appropriate "oooh!"s and "wow!"s as he came down the stairs and saw it. The smallest present was a tub of playdough cutters, with some playdough in as well, and a rolling pin. The medium size present was a toy garage for matchbox cars (which I had spent about 20 minutes building on Sunday night, and wrapped Monday night), and the largest one is of course a trampoline. We don't have much room in the living room, so it stayed downstairs for a few days, and then went upstairs in his bedroom (which has a little bit of room, but eventually I think it'll have to go in the garden/garage, depending on the season! Especially when we move Christopher into Robert's room)

Later in the morning, we decided to take Robert out, there was a soft play attached to a restaurant, and we thought we'd go there, and then have lunch. We'd been watching the morning viewings on Cbeebies for the birthday cards, but it hadn't been on. Jonathan set up his computer to record the card viewings incase his was shown while we were out, and it was! I got a text as we sat down to eat lunch from my friend Sarah saying "We saw Robert on TV! He's famous!" lol! He enjoyed the soft play, but it being Tuesday morning during term time, we were the only ones there! Jonathan got to go in with Robert, which was probably just as well, because Robert seemed quite overwhelmed by it all (but did enjoy it, especially their ride-on Thomas the Tank Engine! Which we didn't put money in, we wouldn't have got him off of it otherwise! We let him sit in it as much as he wanted though lol)







The Saturday after we went to see Jonathan's friend, and their daughter, who turned 2 a week and a half after Robert did. They played much nicer together than Robert and Ewan did, although there were a few tears again, but not nearly as many! They enjoyed playing together, especially when they got running around the sofa (this is one of Robert's favourite past times! When I take him to a playgroup on Friday mornings which is in a big hall, he plays well for most of the morning, but usually within the last half an hour, he instigates a game of running around the hall, which usually attracts at least 3 other children to join him!!)





They brought him a tub of Potato Heads. He was absolutely fascinated by them!







And he also got a farm with some animals, from Jonathan's parents. He LOVES his farm animals, and says to me at LEAST twice a day "Mama, ay arm!" ("Mummy, play farm!"), and brings me his day-dee oop (baby sheep!) and will sit and make all the noises. He likes to let his sheep eat his breakfast (if we let him bring them up to the table!), and the sheep will often get its nose covered in marmite! :)



So yes, my biggest boy was thoroughly spoilt for his birthday! But he loves his new toys and it's so lovely seeing him enjoy them all!

Another quick photo of Christopher, he is now 12 weeks old, but here he is at 9 weeks old, shortly after I dropped the shower head on his face :( Quick call to the NHS Direct made me feel better, and it cleared up completely about 2 weeks after I did it.



He's so lovely and scrummy, I can sometimes hardly stop myself from kissing him!

Comparisons

I remember, when Robert was tiny, probably around the age Christopher is now, maybe even older, getting frustrated with him. He would be laying screaming on my lap, and I remember saying to him, while unclipping my bra "it's coming! Don't you know that when Mummy undoes her bra it means you're going to get fed soon??!!"

I've not had this with Christopher. It does make me wonder... was Robert a more needy baby? Or did I just miss his cues, or did I put off feeding him until he was screaming, because in the evening he latched lazily? I remember also thinking, how occasionally it was easier to get him latched on when he was screaming, because he then had a nice wide open mouth. Was Robert a more difficult baby? Or was I just less experienced? Or was my post-natal depression making him more needy, as I was less in tuned with him, and he was picking up on my frustrations/disinterest?

Christopher is such a settled baby. He is so smiley, and has even perfected smiling while ON the boob as well! Everything just seems so different this time round. Christopher is happy, and I am happy. I've had a few frustrated moments, which were always sleep-related. I think back to what I did with Robert in my frustration, and it seems so far away from where I am now. I could not even *imagine* being so frustrated with Christopher that I drop him onto the bed. I feel so incredibly guilty when I think about how I was with Robert when he was a tiny baby. Especially when I think about how close we came to losing him.

Now, I strive to be a loving parent to both my sons, but paying special care to do so with Robert, almost as if I am trying to make it up to him. To be the mother I should have been in his first few months. I do still make mistakes, and yell when I shouldn't. But these times are quite few and far between. If there is anything that returns me to base, to make me look at Robert in a fresh way when he has been difficult, it's saying yes when he asks for "Gah-gee eeeze" I look down at him, and he is (sometimes!) still, and calm. His head resting on my lap, his legs curled up towards his body laying on the sofa. He is getting to be such a big boy now, in terms of size, but inside he is still a little boy, and needs comfort and reassurance sometimes. I had to wake him up from his nap a couple of weeks ago. He was still desperately tired, but we had an appointment we needed to make. I woke him half an hour before this appointment, and he was hysterical. My in-laws were around, and nothing would comfort him, and then he came up to me, and between sobs, asked for milk. I knew my in-laws would find watching him nurse uncomfortable, but right then and there, my son's needs were infinitely more important. My in-laws would understand, but if I refused Robert, he would not. He was still nursing 10 minutes before the appointment, and it would take 5 minutes to get down there, and then also he needed to get ready. I told Robert, as he was still nursing, that soon, Mummy and Grandad were going to go out in the snow, and would Robert like to come out in the snow too? Robert looked up at me, already a lot calmer, and said "yeah" So I said to him that when he was ready to finish nursing, he could go and get his shoes so we could go out in the snow, and immediately he got down and went and got his shoes. I knew that if I had "told" him that he "needed" to get down right away and get his shoes, we would have had more hysterics. We ended up being 5 minutes late for the appointment in the end, but it would have been even later had I handled it all differently.

I have learnt a lot in just 2 years of motherhood. I am more patient, and I have learnt that sometimes, the quickest way to get something done is to go about it the slower way. That sometimes, you need to prioritise one thing over another, and that your child is always number 1. I thought that I would remain too selfish to become a good mother. But very quickly, all you care about, no matter how selfish you once were, is the health and happiness of your child. Even if it means you go without. You do it in a heartbeat.

I have a lot of guilt in my heart about Robert's early months (and indeed just a few days ago, when early weaning came to the forefront of my mind, what with friends and their babies, etc, I looked back and discovered to my horror that I gave Robert banana at not 16/17 weeks like I thought, and was already horrified at *that* thought, but 13 weeks! Again, something I have learnt, that as the parent, YOU know best, and not to bow to pressure to start feeding your child things you don't want them to have. Christopher will not have any other food apart from my milk until 6 months of age). But the only way is forward, and I can't undo the past but I can do things better for my children in the future. I am so much more confident in my abilities as a mother, and it is all so much more like second nature this time around.

2 and a half months

Part of me can't believe that Christopher is already two and a half months old. He is, most of the time, a very happy and responsive baby! I say most of the time, because the last couple of days he has become a little fussy at the breast, straight away rather than after a while which would otherwise indicate wind as the problem. What the problem is this time I don't know. I will keep plugging on, hopefully it will resolve itself soon.

When he is not being fussy at the breast, he is either asleep, or sitting in his bouncy chair, or on someone, looking around at the world with interest, his eyes practically boggling at everything! He LOVES getting undivided attention of course, and rewards whoever is giving him their attention with huge smiles and coos, often he will do this for as long as 10-15 minutes! He hasn't yet done a true laugh, although sometimes it looks and sounds like he is trying, he will be smiling, and make a rather breathy sounding coo, usually when we stick our tongues out at him, or make an "ooooh" face!

His neck control seems quite good compared to Robert at his age. I suspect this is because he gets a lot more practise, as we lay Christopher on his tummy to sleep, and when he wakes up, he will lift his head to look around.

He also sleeps very well in his cot. We try to make the effort sometimes to put him down while still awake, but we try not to let him get distressed. If he gets distressed we will go and get him, but we are for now simply trying to get him used to falling asleep on his own in the gentlest of ways, at an early age. So hopefully we can do the "hard" work now and hopefully avoid doing any sort of CIO. He has lately been finding his own thumb while laying in his cot, which means he often soothes himself back to sleep again during his naps!

Robert is, as ever, a lovely big brother. If Christopher is in his bouncy chair, and starts to cry, Robert will say "ohhhh..." in a sad tone, go over to him and stroke his tummy. He is so gentle! He loves "Brooo-ah" and will often go and sit near him and just watch him for a while!

Three word sentences are now commonplace to hear from Robert, including "Mama, dand up!" (Mummy, stand up!) and "Dada, ay cars!" (Daddy, play cars - often this is called out several times first thing in the morning when Robert is playing in his bedroom with his cars and wants Daddy to get up and play too! Daddy is not usually impressed! lol!)

His most adorable phrases though have got to be when he comes and gives us a hug, he will say "Gig ugg", and then he will usually give us a kiss, and say "Gig isss" (Big hug, big kiss).

Tonight, he ran into his bedroom after Jonathan had read him a story, and came out saying "eeed kie-l-yah gook!" a few times, and came up to me with his new finger puppet "hungry caterpillar" book. ("read caterpillar book")

When he is in the bath, he likes to help rub the shampoo into his hair. He'll then look at his soapy hands and say "ooop!" Then put them in the water to wash the soap off, he then looks again and says "no ooop!" And then, rubbing his hands on his hair again, he says "more ooop!" My little boy is so adorable!

I wish I had photos to add to this entry, but Jonathan's running a bit behind on getting them uploaded, the last ones I think were when Christopher was 7 weeks old. But there are lots more videos being caught up on, and in fact here's one! I made a card to be shown on Cbeebies, and it was the first one shown on the lunchtime read-out! :)



My little boys are growing up so fast, but ohhh it's lovely to have a tiny baby again! Although not really so tiny anymore, he weighed in at 12lb this morning, in his vest and nappy. Only 3 more and he will have doubled his birth weight! He is just so precious, I am so enjoying being his mummy and finding out all about him! I can't wait to see how his relationship with his big brother develops!

My big boy is now 2!

I can't believe I now have a 2-year-old. Although he is only a couple of days older than he was before he was 2, just knowing that he's reached that milestone makes him seem older in my eyes somehow. He is so grown up, and I know I keep saying it lately, but him talking more and more, which somehow wonderfully co-inciding with his second birthday, makes him even more so!

Every single day lately I am marvelling at his speech, his confidence, and his joy that I am understanding more of what he is trying to get across. Even in these last few days some of his pronounciations have become clearer and more like the words they are meant to be. "Please" has, since he started saying it, been pronounced "izz" and usually repeated several times, so "izzzizzzizizz". Today, when he asked for milky, or tv, suffixed with "please" it has been "ease". He is now regularly joining several words together to say what he is thinking about, seeing, doing or wants. "Mama eat oooma" was one of the things I heard today, meaning "Mummy eat satsuma".

His new verbalising is providing me with lovely and amusing insights to his world, finally getting a clue what he is thinking about while he is playing with things. This morning, he was walking around upstairs with a dustpan he found, touching it to the floor several times, and saying "gig, gig, gig, gig" meaning "dig dig dig dig" so he was either using it like a spade, or pretending to be a digger!

I really would rather do a big birthday post once Jonathan has uploaded all the photos from Robert's birthday, but while we're on the subject of Robert's talking, I'll mention that he got several train birthday cards. Robert is VERY into trains right now, and I would have attempted a train cake had I been braver ;) One of the cards he got was a HUGE train card, which was the shape of a train, and while yesterday he was infinitely more interested in his presents, today, he enjoyed playing with his cards, especially this large train card. He was telling me regularly about his "igg ain gard" (big train card), and enjoyed driving it along the floor, bouncing it on his new trampoline, and opening it like a "gook" :)

It is all so sweet!

He is also so comfortable with Christopher, and has accepted him so thoroughly and wonderfully. He is such a lovely big brother! For the most part, Robert will play by himself and not notice Christopher or interact with him, but occasionally he will ask for him, and want to cuddle him, or show him a toy, or if he cries in his bouncer, Robert will go up to him and rock it, or start talking to him. Today I was holding Christopher on my knees while I was sat on the floor, and kissing his cheeks. Christopher was obviously hungry, as he latched himself onto my lower lip and began sucking away. Robert saw this, came up to me saying "Broo-ah iss" (Christopher kiss) gave me a kiss, and then gave Christopher a kiss, and then wanted Christopher to "kiss" me again!

I sat down to feed Christopher, and Robert clambered up next to me to nurse as well. I'm so pleased that he is still enjoying nursing, I think it has really helped him to bond with Christopher, and accept him, and I know there are a lot of people out there that think that nursing a child past the age of one is a selfish act on behalf of the mother (women force their toddlers into nursing afterall, way beyond the time a child actually wants to nurse.. *rolls eyes*), and in some respects there probably are selfish reasons for me continuing to nurse Robert. One being that it makes my life easier, with regards to settling Christopher into our family, the ease of not changing things. Another being that it will probably be helping my weight loss (1 stone down since Christopher's birth so far!). And probably the one most people think of that mums continue to breastfeed, I enjoy the closeness and the cuddles. Robert is now so independant, even if he hurts himself and needs comforting, he rarely actually gets comforted by cuddles. Sometimes the only way to calm him down is to distract him and get him playing again. Nursing is one time he willingly comes up to me, lays down with me, and we get that physical closeness and quiet time.

It's been 2 years today that I first breastfed Robert. I think in some way Robert's birthday will always be a little bittersweet for me because it will bring back memories of what happened, and remembering that I didn't actually hold him properly until he was over half a day old. It's one of those things that will be around forever, I just hope it won't taint the day for me. One day I will hopefully find peace in it all, that it was just the way my little boy was destined to come into the world, maybe to make us appreciate him all the more, to make us more thankful each day for him. The "what ifs" in the first day swallowed me up. Now, the what ifs make me feel worse when I actually think them, knowing who Robert has become, and what we would have missed out on. But at the same time so thankful that if that was the way things were meant to be, we were still meant to be his parents, meant to bring him up, and he is here with us, delighting us each day. Maybe the key to acceptance is just acknowledging that things happen the way they happen, everything is for a reason. Maybe Robert's birth happened that way to show us how strong he is, how special, and to help us appreciate him all the more. And to prove to us each year that his birthday is an amazing reason to celebrate, not to get swallowed up in the "what ifs".

So excited!

My biggest boy turns TWO on Tuesday. I am so excited, but so sad that he is growing up so quickly. These past two years have been the best of my life, and also the hardest. I love everything about him, and what he has helped me to become.

Before I became a mother, I was selfish, I was lazy, I had no real purpose or drive. I'm still a little lazy, but I am a lot less selfish, and I have the best reason to get out of bed now in the world! I love my cheeky monkey so much, I find it hard to describe. He sometimes does things I don't like (what toddler doesn't?), and I sometimes find it frustrating or exasperating, but it doesn't make me love him less, in an odd way, when I think about it, it makes me love him more! Maybe not RIGHT at that moment in time, but overall, it does!

I think about him, and realise how lucky I am to be his Mummy. Not least because he is such a gentle, kind little boy, he takes things on board very quickly, and I think this can't be all parenting (I feel like it would be arrogant for me to assume responsibility for him generally being a charming little boy, I think he was just born this way, although hopefully Jonathan and I have nurtured it a little!), because sometimes it just seems like he "knows" what to do. Am I being lulled into a false sense of security? Have the terrible twos not set in properly yet? He certainly does paddy a bit when he doesn't get his own way, if he takes a toy from another child and we make him give it back for example. I guess though I just think of such behaviour as normal for a child of his age, and try not to make a big deal of it, or let it define him as the child who "always takes toys off other children", or get frustrated with him for doing so.

Anyway I've got side tracked a little.

His speech just goes from strength to strength lately. It's not uncommon to hear him say things like "Dada eed gook" (Daddy, read book), or "Gah-gee izz" (Milky please) or "More ick Mama" (more drink, Mummy). Yesterday we were driving past some large buildings, one of which had a taller section on one end, and from the back seat, we heard a gasp, then a little voice piping up "Oooooh! Gig bow-ah!" (Oooh, big tower!) He can tell us if something is red, blue, green, black, and occasionally yellow or pink. He's not so sure on orange or purple. He now requests songs and sings along with us! "dee-goh dee-goh eeee dar" being one of them - guess the song, you win a virtual pat on the back if you get it right! He joins in the actions to "wind a bobbin up" (so cute!) and the wheels on the bus, and likes making a diamond shape with his fingers during the whole of twinkle twinkle. Him learning to speak, and his rapid development is just astounding, and is one of the things that more than anything else, has made him seem to have grown up loads in such a short space of time. Because he was walking at 9 months, still a baby!! Walking didn't seem like such a big boy thing to do, but talking, wow, definitely seems like he's grown up so much now!

I can't wait for Tuesday, when he turns 2 properly, although we've had a small birthday celebration already today for him with my dad and step-mum, brother, sister-in-law and 3 year old nephew. I felt a tear prick the corner of my eye again as I took in his cake and sang happy birthday to him, which I was not expecting to happen! I can't wait til he sees his presents on Tuesday! We've bought him a trampoline (he's started BOUNCING on the bed and sofas!), a wooden garage for his matchbox cars, and some playdough cutters and a rolling pin.

How I love my BIG little man!

Christopher is 7 weeks old!

Can you believe it? 7 weeks ago I was in hospital, having been induced, and waiting for things to kick in. It's amazing how fast time flies when you've got a newborn, compared to how slowly they drag in the last weeks of pregnancy. It's strange though, I look at Christopher, and drink in his expressions, typical newborn jerky movements, and find myself transported back almost 2 years to the last time I had a tiny baby. And marvel in how I am back there again, and yet, how long ago those 2 years seem. I find it hard to remember Robert as even a year old, and still very slightly doddery on those little legs of his.

His confidence in the last year in every respect has grown massively. He now climbs, jumps, runs around in circles with no fear whatsoever, which for the most part is ok but when he is running in circles very fast, having done so for 2 minutes already, and getting dizzier and dizzier and closer to that wall or table each time, gives me a heart attack!

His confidence and ability in speaking too has grown immensely in even the last WEEK! He now will copy words we tell him, especially when given a choice, to communicate his prefered activity. "Do you want to sleep, or play?" I asked him yesterday when he woke from his nap and he was still groggy and a little tearful. "Day." he said.

His words ARE still very babyish, in that most aren't prounounced correctly unless they begin with "d" "g" or "m". And even then not always ;) His new favourite activity is "dee-doh" (playdough), which he keeps trying to eat. "Erd eat dee-doh!" (Robert eat playdough)

He remembers an awful lot of words now as well which he comes out with spontaneously even long after we told him. He found a "gon-kah" under the table, and brandished it at me, which made me realise that I really SHOULD get around to finding all the conkers we collected a week or two after Christopher's birth and binning them!

And here he is examining the stalk on his apple "Dalk!"



He is just so adorable, and I feel sad and yet excited about his new leap in language development, as it's the end of another chapter in Robert's life, and the start of a new one, where he becomes even less of a baby and more of a little boy. But oh my goodness, how lovely that he is talking, and I can see that the more he learns to say, the less frustrated he becomes. And now is the time when I can really start putting the strategies in "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Children Are From Heaven" to use. Although I will need to read it again, as I've forgotten some points!



As for the tiny boy, he was weighed on 3rd November (I don't think I remembered to say in the last post, how much he weighed. He weighed a stonking 10lb 5oz last Wednesday! Which saw him gain almost 3lb in 4 weeks, and shoot up from the 25th to the 50th centile! Absolutely thrilled with that weight gain, and so so thrilled that it's me that's growing him still! That's one of the best things about breastfeeding I think, when it goes well, is seeing them thrive on what me, his mother, is providing him.



This photo makes my heart melt. What is it about a baby's soft hair that turns me into a puddle of mush?



Last night he slept from about 9.15pm til 3.45am. Usually he seems to have an internal alarm clock which goes off around 2am for a feed, followed by one at 6am, but it was great he went so long, and hopefully we can push it forwards by an hour so he sleeps til 5am or nearer that! My feeds in the middle of the night are usually with very full breasts, and therefore the poor little fella, when he triggers a let down, pulls off spluttering of course, and in the middle of the night I don't worry so much about where the milk goes, it must just go everywhere, but I can't be bothered to worry! Even though it does mean that Christopher isn't as settled for feeds as Robert was, I am so grateful that I have such a good supply, as it means I don't worry about whether he's getting enough!

Something I intend to do this time round is treasure each and every moment with Christopher, not wish him onto the next new thing, because I know that before long it will be gone, and he'll be all grown up. It's taken me this long to realise I should treasure each moment with Robert, now he's starting to talk, he has truly become a little boy now and his babyhood seems to be an eon ago.

Robert's 2 year checkup.

Well, both doctors we've seen with Robert since his birth was in... and by some fluke, we got to see the woman doctor who we can actually understand! Woop! She hadn't seen him since he was 6 months old, and she noticed the "new addition" and said "I hope he had a better entrance than Robert?" or words to that effect lol. She asked if we had any concerns, and we mentioned his pronounciation on words, and mentioned that the other doctor kept thinking his hearing was impared and his speech was abnormally slow, anyway, she was very pleased with Robert, and could tell he had progressed since he was last seen, and was confident he would continue to do so (as are we, I might add), and following observing him with the toys they keep in the room for the children to play with she said he was doing everything she would expect a 2 year old to be doing, and that even though his speech isn't as good as some 2 year olds', he is in the normal range! (Which I know many of you have already told me, but why didn't that other doctor?? Grrr!) And she said what I have thought as well, that with his pronounciation, that will gradually get better with correct modelling. Anyway, she's discharged him, so we don't need to do hearing tests, or speech therapy, or anything, but she said to keep an eye on him and see how he is in a year's time, and if we still have concerns, to speak to the health visitor who can make a referral. But if he does continue to progress as he does it shouldn't be a problem. :)

Robert loves his baby brother so much. He constantly wants to cuddle him, and gets very annoyed with us if we tell him no (for example if he's sleeping and we don't want to disturb him). He loves cuddling Christopher (who he calls "Brooo-ah" - I'm thinking this is his word for brother, either that or Christopher. I can't be sure, I know it sounds more like brother, but then some of the words he uses sound nothing like what they should be if you know what I mean!









Christopher is now 6 weeks old (well, as of tomorrow) and he has been smiling for a few weeks now. They are quite few and far between at the moment, but boy, do they melt my heart when he graces us with one :)



Soooo so cute and precious! He is just so edible and smells divine! And it's strange, but he and Robert (as a newborn) look so alike that I think a bit of me cannot in my mind distinguish between the two of them. Sometimes I look at him and in my head, without realising, call him Robert, and then in a way I sort of double take when I look up and see almost-2-year-old Robert standing there or sitting and playing. Other times I look at him and see the things that make Christopher.. well, Christopher! The shadow of the ridge on his nose which was so pronounced at birth which Robert never had, the fuzzy bit at the front of his head where his hair should be but it's either come away, or was never there in the first place. The shape of the eyes which are so subtley different from Robert's.

I can't believe that it's been 6 weeks since I gave birth. It really has gone in a flash. I am so thrilled at how well I laboured and gave birth this time, and how well breastfeeding has gone. With all the struggles of the early weeks with Robert, the sheer determination that I WOULD breastfeed or die trying being the only thing keeping me going past 2-3 weeks.. the comparison is very stark. The only issues with breastfeeding so far have been the cluster feeds and growth spurts being SO. TIRING. But boy, never once have I resented picking him up and offering him my breast, as I did with Robert in the early weeks. And that difference has made everything so much easier.

Christopher is gaining weight much quicker than Robert did, partly due I think to tandem feeding, which has increased my supply greatly. Christopher gulps away, and something which I never imagined would happen to me (especially since my supply with Robert was simply "adequate"), splutters and coughs and comes off the breast gasping with his eyes wide in alarm as milk continues to gush. He has, also, a few times, cried with the alarm of getting too much milk. He has not yet grasped how to pause and not continue to suck while the milk is letting down! I have not pumped for a while. There are about 11oz of milk in the freezer, but unlike with Robert, I am not desperate to get Christopher onto bottles. I might well give him some, just for the sake of getting him used to bottles incase the need arises. (Like, for example, when Harry Potter 7 part 1 comes out later this month and we leave the boys with the in-laws to go see it!)

Anyway... wanted to mainly update on Robert's 2 year review. He's now on the 98th centile for weight (woahhh!!!??) but only the 75th for height. Strange, because he's not a chunky boy if you know what I mean! But it certainly shows he's got a good appetite lol! Can't believe my big little boy is going to be 2 so soon! He's getting all grown up! Good thing I have another tiny baby to snuggle!

Big update

It's been ages since I posted here, and I so badly want to do a big update on my two boys! But I am guessing that it will be written in several stages!

First of all, my tiniest boy, Christopher. He was 4 weeks old on Saturday! I can't believe it! Part of me is still on my babymoon. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that tiny boy, and his big brother too of course! It is back to some sort of normality here now, with Jonathan being back at work (starting his third week back after Christopher was born), and had the majority of my family and Jonathan's come to see Christopher. My mum spent a week up here after Jonathan went back to work. I don't know whether it was because she was stressed with everything going on with HER mum, or the fact that PND so far has skipped me by (hurrah!!!), or the fact that she had hurt her thumb, has a brace on it and therefore the amount of practical help she could offer me was diminished, or what, but the week with her around got a bit wearing towards the end of it, and I can totally imagine how she felt having her mum staying with them for so long. Little things that you can put up with if you just see someone for a few hours become very annoying and less easy to ignore! But overall the week made me sure that looking after my two little boys would be completely do-able.



I had one day, the day after we got home with Christopher, where I felt that icky ball of anxiety in my stomach about the prospect of looking after two boys, but since then I have been fine! So I'm guessing I had a spate of the baby blues then, but after that day it lifted, and still thoroughly enjoying my two boys!



At 11 days old Christopher was weighed for the 3rd time, and he'd regained his birth weight. He is now 4 weeks and 2 days old, and he feels like such a little lump to me! His cheeks are puffed out, he's got an iddy biddy double chin coming on, and his legs, which were somewhat wrinkled and skinny, are now much fatter and squishy :)



He has long since outgrown the few "early" or "tiny" baby clothes he had, and is filling out newborn quite well! I'm actually panicking a bit because my mum bought him a load of newborn outfits, which it looks like he's not going to wear very much before he outgrows them!! They still feel fairly baggy on him, but the sleepsuits don't have much room left lengthwise - he seems like a very long baby! And indeed, Wednesday afternoon, Sarah and Clodagh came around (Kieran was in nursery), and we held the two babies next to each other - Clodagh, who was born 8 days before Christopher, weighing over 2lb more, and who has outgrown newborn clothes and now into 0-3 month clothes, looked the same size as Christopher, lengthwise at least! But I'm guessing she was chunkier!! I couldn't believe it!!! Christopher isn't going to be weighed again until 3rd November, which is the second Health Visitor appointment, when he'll be 5 weeks and 4 days old.



Christopher is a very calm baby still, he cries very rarely, only when he's hungry and wants a cuddle. He seems to be a baby who doesn't mind being in a wet nappy, which is good because he pees LOADS.. I change him probably 5-6 times a day, and each time his nappy is quite heavy with wee... if he was more fussy, I could imagine that I'd be changing him 10+ times a day or more! He saves all his poos for maybe 2 nappies a day, when he'll do LOADS in one go haha!



I'm very lucky to have such a good milk supply this time. I do find myself needing a cloth to put on my arm before I feed him, because he gets so much milk, he often pulls off, gulping down what must be a huge mouthful of milk in several smaller gulps, while my milk is pouring out of my nipple and onto my clothes/down his face, plus some leaking out of his mouth as well! I never had that to the same extent with Robert, but I guess tandem feeding means my supply is greater from the get go.



4 weeks on and I'm not even contemplating bottle feeding anytime soon, I think it must be going well. I remember with Robert I was on the verge of formula feeding by 2 weeks old, was pulling my hair out with the pain and the bad latch, and the cluster feeding, which must have been made worse by my PND/PTSD. This time with no pain (although I can tell his latch isn't perfect, and it could be better, and I know when he has latched on perfectly - very rare but I don't mind as he is getting plenty of milk I know, and I have no pain), the cluster feeds can be wearing, as can the lack of sleep (Christopher, unlike his brother who did 5-6 hours at night between feeds from the get-go, is good if he goes 3 hours between feeds), and the cluster feeding and night-time is when I am most likely to lose my rag, although I've never had the want to lose my rag with Christopher, again, unlike with Robert.



I do find myself thinking in a way, it's such a shame I didn't have the knowledge of Robert's breastfeeding experiences, the knowledge and experience of taking care of Robert etc, before having Robert. I almost wrote without having Robert, rather than before having Robert, but that's not true, I don't wish I didn't have Robert of course, but I know that with Robert I had the PND, from what I remember he was a needier baby than Christopher, or maybe everything's just so much easier this time because I "know babies" this time. I feel that I would be so relaxed if it were just Christopher and me, but at the same time, I love the fact that Christopher is so calm and that I CAN do things with Robert while Christopher is asleep. I hope that has made some sense and won't be mis-interpretted by anyone! I guess in a nutshell I mean that I am finding Christopher such an easy baby to take care of, despite the sleep thing and the cluster feeding, it's a shame he wasn't my first baby! But then the fact that I didn't have the experience of babies and breastfeeding might make it more difficult if that makes sense!!



Anyway! Onto the Big Brother! It's becoming easier and easier to think of Robert as such, seeing the two of them together. Every day I look at Robert now and marvel at how tall he is, how grown up his mannerisms are, how cheeky, how scrummy, how BIG he is. When he comes up to me and asks me for "gah-gee", then lays down with his head on my lap while he nurses, it boggles me how only his head and shoulders lay on my lap, and how his body fills up almost the rest of the sofa! And to think he was once a tiny baby who could fit lengthways along my thighs almost completely is just crazy... how sad in a way you don't notice that one day they are suddenly a cheeky independant TALL little boy when they were once a tiny helpless dependant baby.



I often find he has helped himself to fruit from the dining table while I've been upstairs changing Christopher's nappy, or making Robert lunch, or doing household chores... I came in today to find he'd almost demolished an apple he'd got while I was in the kitchen making him a sandwich.



One of the main challenges I will find myself trying to overcome, is spending enough time doing something fun each day with Robert. I desperately want to make sure that he is not being left to his own devices all day every day while I try and stay on top of the washing up, laundry (the only housework I really prioritise to be honest, vacuuming the carpet comes third but everything else only gets done when/if I have time), and feed/change/cuddle Christopher. At the moment it is not too difficult, as Christopher sleeps for fairly long stretches during the day, but I know as the months roll on, Christopher will become more needy, and I will need to find things to keep him entertained at the same time. Last week though I managed to do a painting session with Robert during one of Christopher's naps. He and I both thoroughly enjoyed it!



I think the trick for me not becoming stressed is to make sure I have everything I will need to hand, not only for during the painting, but afterwards, for the cleaning up as well, before we even start. While Robert watched with interest (it was pretty much an unplanned treat - Robert found his arts and crafts box, and I suddenly fancied doing painting with him!) while I set up his table (put a waterproof sheet underneath for paint splashes/dropped implements, covered his table with newspaper), got some white card from upstairs (a handful incase he wanted to do more than one sheet), got a bucket of warm soapy water and put it on the waterproof sheet next to the table, and got a plastic plate, a brush, a foam brush and a foam roller from the box, and then I went and found an old stained white t-shirt, tied it so the neck wasn't loose around Robert's, and then finally set him loose on the paint!



He really enjoyed it, loved using the brush, and in particular the roller, which he called his "car", and loved driving it across the paper!



Several sheets of paper later, I showed him (as his hands were already very mucky) that he could use his fingers and hands to make prints on the paper, which he enjoyed very much too :)



Of course it wasn't long before some got on his face! And when I said "Oh no, look at your face!" he immediately put his hand once again to his face and made it messier!! Haha!



I'm so glad that Christopher stayed asleep for the painting session. Seven sheets of card later, Robert was showing signs of getting bored with painting, picking the roller up and spinning it in mid air to watch the paint flick off, etc. So I got him to wash his hands in the bucket, (I put his "car" in there as well for him to help clean) while I washed my hands, and his face, and gave the plate, brushes and foam roller a quick rinse over as well. He objected a bit to having to stop, but was easily distracted while I cleaned up, and put everything away.



I want to try and make that a regular activity for us to do. And think of more as well! He really enjoys playdough as well, which I did with him in the week my mum spent with us. And we've bought some playdough cutters, a rolling pin, and there's a cutting implement as well in the box, as well as some rolls of "soft stuff" which I wasn't too fussed about - I like making my own playdough - but it came in with the cutters.



I want to try and do some cooking with him too - set out with easy things, like rice crispie cakes, and go on to more complicated things like fairy cakes, rock buns, etc. It's so lovely doing things with him now he's older and more appreciative of activities like that. But also lovely things to do would be nature walks, trying to find and collect things while out and about, which we could then incorporate in artwork maybe!



One thing I'm not looking forward to in the coming weeks is Robert's 2 year review at the hospital. At his 18 month one, the doctor was quite plain in that he thought Robert's speech (and therefore maybe his hearing) wasn't up to scratch. I was confident he'd improve - which he has - just not as much as I'd have hoped. He occasionally uses two word sentences, mainly out of habit though than spontenaity. Things like "tv please" - tv was once "ee-eeeee" and has now degenerated into "YAYAY" (it's usually shouted), and please is "izzzziz". His vocabulary has increased but is still mostly unrecognisable to strangers. His main recognisable words are "car" "more" "mama" "dada" "nah-nah" (for banana) and then his animal noises, most of which are surprisingly accurate!



As most two year olds are capable of saying 3 word sentences, I'm pretty sure that assuming we see the same doctor again, Robert will be referred to have his hearing checked (there's nothing wrong with his hearing that we can tell, he understands everything we say to him) and then possibly speech therapy. Oh, and co-incidentally, Alice, it's not looking good, Robert has less than a month to start saying 3 word sentences before you have to eat your hat! Here's hoping that it won't be long before he is saying more, I'm confident that it won't be too much longer before he's starting on sentences, but I am a little concerned about his pronounciations. We'll just have to wait and see what the doctor says when we see them in less than 2 weeks time.



Anyway, one last photo before I attempt to get both the boys ready and out the house for an hour or so... Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed recording it. :)