More TTC thoughts, and more photos

It's amazing how much when you are TTC that you pay attention to what is going on "down there". Last month I had a 33 day cycle. Before Robert I was pretty much bang on 28 days. Anyway, so assuming 33 day cycle is regular, I should, according to the textbooks, be ovulating around cycle day 19. I am currently on cycle day 12, and today (more like late afternoon and evening) I have had two separate instances of egg-white consistency CM with a reddish tinge. Which suddenly got me thinking maybe it's ovulation... and then having thought that I have had the odd right-hand sided pains... But goodness knows if I am imagining it or not! Or if maybe the tinted CM is due to intercourse last night. I am wondering whether to go for it tonight as well or if yesterday's swimmers will be enough in case I AM ovulating? LOL.

Every cycle I keep thinking "If I do get pregnant this month, I'll be due on xyz". This month I thought it would be 30th August if I do get pregnant, but now I'm thinking if I am ovulating now it'll be more like 23rd-25th August. But I do keep getting ahead of myself! I did at one point think I'd be having a July 2nd baby, then a July 24th baby... so there's no point deliberating really, but I can't help myself lol.

But if I do get pregnant..... then when I give birth will make a lot of difference to my baby, between being the youngest in the year above at school or the oldest in the year below... And whether my babies will be 1 or 2 years apart in school.

Anyway, here's a few photos of Robert. :)

The boy LOVES his drinks... He will always guzzle a drink down like crazy, even if he's not thirsty. At which point he will suck loads into his mouth and then spit it out!!!



Having fun in a ball tent. MUST fix the inflatable one the cat burst over summer....


One of me with my cheeky chappy :)


Daddy is out of frame in this one, he's running towards Robert while Jonathan's dad is pushing Robert in his trike... Robert finds this hilarious! And you can also see Robert's 7th tooth (FINALLY!!!!) in this pic!



We took him to messy play again this week. I tend not to go much anymore simply because I get messier than he does, and then I have to try and get paint/sand/shaving foam/dried on porridge oats/whatever off him, get him dry, change him, and argh, it's such a chore!! Less so I guess than actually having to clean up the room as well as him, but still. It's easier when there's an extra pair of hands to help!

There was a table with paint squirted round in patterns for the children to mix up with their hands. Robert saw this table (he was the first to it) and went up, and delicately put a finger or two in the paint and dragged it downwards onto the clean paper. It was fascinating watching him figure out what this stuff was and what it did, and felt like.



But it wasn't long before he got properly stuck in!!




Of course if they ever put anything edible out, Robert will find it. It didn't take him long to find the bowl of porridge oats, or the tray of assorted cereal (cornflakes, shreddies, rice crispies, coco pops)...





How I love that last pic, a true "oh damn, I've been caught out!" expression!!

Here's a photo I love as well, it's of Robert playing in the sand (which he usually just tries to eat). Wonderful photo.


Anyway in other news, we all went northwards this weekend to see my brother, sister-in-law and nephew. It was Ewan's 2nd birthday yesterday, and he has certainly developed into his own little character, one that definitely does NOT like Robert sharing his toys lol! Which fair enough I could understand, he is only two years old. But what did make me quite sad was that Ewan spent pretty much the entire time pushing Robert down. :( He did it over and over and over again. Although he did give Robert some cuddles and kisses too, it was still quite upsetting to see Ewan objecting to Robert's presence like that. I hope that it's just a one off but I guess time will tell. Apart from that it was a lovely weekend, and there were times when Ewan didn't seem to mind Robert being there. Robert spent the entire weekend being interested in what Ewan was doing, eating (of course!) and trying to stroke and pull their cat's fur. Their cat, Kevin is extremely placid, and will actually let Robert near him which is a new experience! For the most part Robert was actually getting better, it's such a shame Hazel doesn't let him near her, as it wouldn't take long for him to understand being gentle with her if she did!

I don't have photos yet but will do hopefully by tomorrow.

Anyway, it's time for bed, I hope I've not bored you too much and that the photos broke up the huge walls of text ;)

Keep your fingers crossed for me that I am ovulating, I might jump on Jonathan later just to make sure there's plenty of swimmers there incase I am ;)

9 weeks 2 days old - 2 month breast feeding! Cold, and The Tiger Who Came To Tea

Today marks 2 months since Robert has had nothing but Mummy Milk! (well, apart from a taste or two of banana!) After our hiccups a few weeks back things are going really really well regarding feeding. My milk is still going strong, which is all I ever hoped for! Apparently my mum's milk dried up with Stephen at around 6 weeks after he was born, and then she had a lot of hassle with doctors telling her not to be so stupid, it was still there, or something. But we've been going 9 weeks so far! And no signs of letting up.

I'm getting quite itchy for a couple of things now - a night out with Jonathan, and a night IN with Jonathan ;) I still haven't had a period, but that's not to say I've not become fertile again so we'll have to make sure to take precautions. However, I must say now things are easing up with Robert and I'm becoming more accustomed to this role of "Mummy", I am beginning to be quite eager at the thought of another pregnancy and baby! Something I thought wouldn't happen for ages! Although I do want to wait a good bit longer before we get pregnant again.

I think I might do a bit of online shopping later - mainly mothercare online shopping, for some breast milk storage bags. I want to start getting a freezer supply of milk so that we can start going out again every now and then - and Robert will still have breast milk that his grandparents can give him. I do like the flexibility of being able to express some and have someone else feed him sometimes. Last night he was NOT latching properly, be it tiredness or what I'm not sure, but I had expressed 3oz of milk earlier that day that Jonathan then gave him.

Something else that's happened is that I've caught an absolutely horrid cold, I think from the SureStart Centre. It started with a sore throat around Thursday/Friday, by Saturday it had extended to a bit of a blocked nose, by Sunday it was in full swing leaving me with a fuzzy head, sore throat, blocked nose, and generally feeling a bit poo. What's more, Robert's caught it off me and he's been ever so snuffly and snotty. I'm not sure if he's in any pain with it like I have been, I hope not! But he has been quite sick the last day or two, throwing up quite hefty amounts of milk after a feed - perhaps due to not feeling 100%? Not sure really, I guess it's a waiting game.

We'll be getting him weighed on Thursday - can't wait! He's now definitely over his growth spurt, can see the difference now, as he last fed around 12pm and it's now 2.40pm. It was sometimes every half hour when he was in his growth spurt!! I hope though he's put on a nice chunk of weight. :)

Someone on the baby forums I read has a 6 month old boy with cerebral palsy. It's quite sad, this poor girl has been through so much with him, and she's always fighting to get him to eat, apparently he only eats about 11-13oz a day, and it's a struggle to get that down him, and then he'll only gain half an ounce a week. I feel so lucky that despite his tough start to life outside my belly, my little boy is healthy, strong, and is gaining weight well and easily.

Anyway, he's starting to stir, so before I go I'll quickly post some photos of my little man enjoying "The Tiger Who Came To Tea" ;)

8 weeks 2 days old - smiles, and sick. Lots and lots of sick

Thank you so so so so much for the lovely comments on Robert's photos!! I really do thrive on your comments and I really love seeing the email pop up "You have new comments" :)

Today has been for the most part lovely. An hour or so at the Surestart Centre, which well, it was a bit meh today - the three other mums with babies who weren't crawling yet were all friends and very buddy-buddy with each other. So I did feel a little left out. And they were a bit chavvy too.. But it did get us out of the house for a couple of hours. I stopped by tesco to get some olive oil (for baby massage on Thursday) and somehow some chocolate snuck in too! ;)

Then at home followed a really lovely few hours - til about 5.30. We sat and he fed beautifully, he took some lovely naps in my arms, and I just sat there, holding him staring down at his beautiful soft cheeks and just kissed them over and over, and whispered to him how much I love him. In between the two naps he took in the time we got back at 5.30ish he was looking at me, straight into my eyes, and giving me these absolutely beautiful smiles. He smiles more and more every day, but it's not often he does actually look us RIGHT in the eyes and smile as though right there and then he's the happiest baby in the world and there's nowhere else he'd rather be than in my arms looking at me. Mostly he smiles at toys, or smiles and looking around him. But when he looks me straight in the eye and smiles, it's like my heart melts and I can't help but cry tears of joy.

We took a nap upstairs in bed together (him on my chest) and it felt like we'd slept loads when I woke up I felt really refreshed which isn't always usual for naps. I changed him (he was still quite sleepy), and then took him down for a feed. From there on it was a tough evening - he puked up practically everything he ate. It was tough on me, it was like all the milk I was giving him was going to waste. A muslin got soaked through mopping up all the milk he threw up, plus my top now has about 5 milk stains on it (it's a white top so it's not that visible), my trousers have a big wet patch - well, had, it's dry now, and his top has probably had milk all over it in various patches over the course of the evening. Jonathan came home, cuddled him for a while, and then gave him back to me while he went and cooked dinner. In that time I fed him again - and he puked it all up. I put him in his bouncer, and sat back down on the sofa and cried - and he cried too which made me cry harder.

Then just before dinner was ready I fed him again - he puked a lot of that up, but I managed to catch it with a new clean muslin. Then I fed him again, and only a little bit of sick that time. He seemed quite happy in his bouncer while we ate, and since then I've been upstairs about an hour while Jonathan's looked after him and not heard him cry. It's now my turn to look after him. I'm wondering what we should do. I still have several sachets of that rehydrating fluid powder stuff from the doctor, maybe I should try him on that tomorrow if he's still sick lots.

Anyway, better go, he probably wants a bit of food now. Hope you're all okay.

Robert weighed, better day

Today went better. It makes a lot of difference to get out of the house - a change of scenery and all that. I went to the Surestart Centre, Robert was the youngest baby there, the next youngest was 5 months, and the rest were all crawling and such.

Then I went to have him weighed, he's now a whopping 12lb 3oz!

This afternoon the longest nap he's had was 1 hour. Since then he's had hardly any, and just spent more or less the entire afternoon and evening since about 3pm or so feeding. I'm absolutely knackered. I thought he might have a nap again just now as I've fed him again and swaddled him but no. He's grumbling in his cotbed again.

Add to that the fact that I did something to my back at some point today. I am in agony whenever I bend over too much or twist my back at all. Which is not good to have when I'm looking after a 12lb eating machine!

I have to go and sort him out again. Jonathan is tired from last night having Robert sleep in bed with us so it's my job today I guess. Just thought I'd let you all know it's gone a bit better today, even though I'm exhausted at the moment and in pain with my back.

Bad day... and milk worries

After a great day yesterday, where we went to the local country park for a walk, and had lots of smiles, cuddles and games with Robert, great sleeping, great feeding, it all went totally downhill today. No napping in his cot at all today. No good feeding. Puking everywhere. Crying. More crying.

And to top it all off, it seems my milk is running out. I tried expressing some and got barely 10ml in about 15 minutes. Jonathan reckons it's because a) he's been feeding ALL day, and b) because I'm stressed and tired and upset after what has been a difficult and to be honest - HORRIBLE day..

I suppose I should try not to think the worst, that maybe if I do it might have an adverse affect on my milk, and perhaps J is right and I am just stressed, tired, and already milked dry by my little boy. Yesterday I had loads of milk - I got engorged in one boob in the middle of the day, which is unusual - usually only first thing in the morning I get engorged, but I didn't get engorged this morning even though I hadn't fed him for almost 7 hours.

I am just finding it so hard today to keep him happy. :( I feel like a terrible mum, having got angry with him earlier and perhaps been too rough with him. Urgh. I hate myself.

I've got baby clinic tomorrow, and also I had signed myself for Baby Play and Stay but seeing as clinic is in the morning I might have to not go afterall to the Surestart thing. Still I guess we'll see how it all goes tomorrow. I hope he's put on loads of weight.

Haven't really got anything positive to say today, sorry. I guess I should go and give him a boob at some point, see if he can get anything out of it.

Canvases, breastfeeding update, and weigh-ins

Thank you girls so much for the comments on the photos :) <3>

It will be lovely to have a photo of each year of Robert's life on our wall for us to see when we go into the room.

Anyway, breastfeeding the last two days has gone well. He has been popping on and off and still crying, but then I just let him cry, see if he calms down, if he's still crying in a few minutes I try him again, if that doesn't work I just hold him again until he (eventually!) falls asleep. The latching has been okay though. Although I've had extremely engorged breasts both mornings when I wake up, although I don't really mind, because I let him feed off one, then I express the other, and I know that he's had plenty of milk when I'm engorged!! And needs burping several times because he gets milk so quickly. During the day my breasts aren't so engorged because he does feed often, and I keep swapping which breast I feed him from. I've not felt like throwing him at the wall today! (Hurrah! Progress! ;) )

At his weighin on Tuesday he weighed 11 lbs 4 oz, and for some reason she marked him as being 6 weeks old, even though he was only 5 weeks and 2 days old, so that put him at just over the 50th percentile on weight (down from almost 75th), but if you actually put him as 5 weeks he's just under the 75th which is more in keeping. I will be taking him to baby clinic next Friday, when he'll be just under 7 weeks so hopefully they'll mark him as 7 weeks not 8 weeks *sigh*. I will hopefully go to Sure Start bumps and babes as well, if I can get an afternoon baby clinic appointment. Right, well Robert is moaning in his cot, so I guess that means he wants more food before he'll settle for the night. Tata for now!

Two weeks exclusive breastfeeding!

I've been looking back at the entries I've written since Robert was born, and WOW I've just realised it's been TWO WEEKS since he's been given nothing but Mummy Milk! I'm so so so pleased with myself, and pleased that Robert likes it! And pleased that it's all gone so well and that I have plenty (I need to wear my bra all night unfortunately or I get nice wet patches on the bed! Haha!) to give him.

He's sleeping again (I think), although the sleeping is a bit erratic at the moment we're trying our best to get him down for a while. Yesterday I managed to get him to sleep through his normal (for this week anyway) wakeful period from lunchtime through to tea time, I put him down when he was sleepy, he started stirring as usual less than half an hour after I'd put him down, and I managed to stroke him back to sleep without picking him up! Yay!

Oh. Yesterday was very good, as well as the sleeping during the day for several hours, Mum and I decided to go out with Robert into town, as she wanted to make us a shepherd's pie but we didn't have any mince meat. So off we went, we stopped by the Sure Start Center that's attached to the local primary school, and got shown around and had someone talk to us about the different things they do there. It sounds really great, I might start off going to the Bumps and Babes session on Friday mornings, although I can't go tomorrow as the health visitor is coming back. They have a baby massage session too but the current one is fully booked so will have to wait for the next course. I think my mum is pleased I seem so enthusiastic about it now we've been and had a look around, and I think Jonathan's parents are too, as they think I'm a bit of a "loner" in that they're afraid I'll spend a lot of time on my own in the house. So they think going to the Sure Start Center will be good for me to get out with Robert, and also have some company with other mums.

I'm actually dying to get some more photos up here, but there's no new ones uploaded yet. My mum's been taking some of me and Robert, as the ones J took mostly had just my nose, or my boob, or something, rather than a picture of me with my baby boy! And they're gorgeous, Jonathan copied them so we can get some uploaded soon. And I don't know why but I'm liking photos of me a lot more now I've got a baby in the photos with me! Haha! My face doesn't seem so fat to me anymore, although that might be because of my new glasses. I might also see this weekend how much weight I've lost (well it'll be hard for me to tell, but I will go on the wii fit and see if my weight has dropped at all since the last time I weighed myself during pregnancy). I should have weighed myself just before I gave birth! Haha. 10lbs of baby instantly dropped, plus amniotic fluid, placenta, blood, etc! Bound to be quite a lot! ;) A couple of stones thereabouts.

I still can't BELIEVE that Robert was 10lbs. I looked at the 40 week pregnancy bump photo I took, and stare at it thinking "how on EARTH did a 10lber fit in there??!" I guess a lot of him was hiding in the flab rather than sticking out as a bump ;)

Anyway, I'm feeling quite refreshed at the moment, so I think I'll see what I can do around the house while Mum is doing the washing up. I am feeling a LOT more confident in myself to be able to cope next week when she's not here! It's been nice having that buffer, she's left me more or less to take care of Robert, except when he's been screaming his head off and I've been going a bit mental, just doing a few bits around the house, and of course she's had a few cuddles and changed a few nappies as well.

Thanks so much for your comments on the last few entries telling me I've been doing okay and that I'm not the only new mum who feels the way I feel! It is quite an adjustment but I'm enjoying it for the most part and I'm sure once the real smiles set in it'll be even more rewarding than it is now!