So.. Some news....

So I'm just going to jump right in here and post this...



Yep, baby number 4 is on it's way! I'm almost 7 weeks pregnant now. Not many symptoms at the moment, I had a few days before I had the positive test where I was SO tired (I'm pretty much always tired, but this was on another level). Peeing slightly more maybe. And in the days following the positive test, I had a rather full uterus feeling, and some brown spotting.

Now, the full feeling has diminished, the tiredness is back roughly to the same level as normal (maybe slightly more?). I think I'm now getting morning sickness symptoms. I say I think, because this time last week, I was feeling queasy, then threw up in the night, a few days after C (now 5) and D (now 3) were both sick in the night. Basically a bug worked its way through everyone. So now, a week later, I should be 100%, but I've been feeling funny for a lot of the day for several days running, which has worked it's way into a pattern. I wake up feeling fine. As soon as I'm up, I start feeling odd within half an hour. I feel like I don't want to eat, but in the way that I know if I do I'll feel better. So I eat breakfast, which doesn't really help, but also doesn't make me feel worse. The slightly queasy/off feeling lasts until mid to late afternoon, then I feel better and up for eating more, and I don't feel put off by sweet or rich foods like I do prior to that.

Basically I think the bug has morphed into morning sickness, without really getting a break from the bug first.

Another thing I've noticed is that I'm incredibly spotty this time. I'm getting spots on my chest and face. But also I'm getting patches where it's red, dry and sore, with lots of little raised spots, like blackheads but white. Ive never had anything like it to my recollection, maybe as a teen but who knows, that was forever ago! They feel horrible. I've tried cocoa butter on them which might be helping I just need to persevere.

All in all though, not much happening so far, in fact I often forget I'm pregnant. We're not sure when we are going to tell the boys, or the family. As of yet, only a few people know I'm pregnant. I am considering keeping it off facebook completely, as I know I am seen as a complainer... And if I know I'm not going to talk about it on there, it might help that front.

So that's about it for now.... Thanks for reading.

CD34...

Hmmm... Still NO SIGN whatsoever of my period. I've not had any spotting at all this month, absolutely nada. In the 6 full cycles I've had since Christopher's birth, two have been 29 day cycles, two have been 30 days, one has been 32 days and one has been 34 days. I just don't know what's going to happen. If I'll end up with a longer cycle than before even or if I'll get my period tomorrow some time. Yesterday morning I had a twinge which made me feel like maybe my period was coming. But nothing yet.

I have one pregnancy test left, it's a CBD. I'm wondering whether to take it tomorrow morning or wait til Monday. I *know* it'll be best to wait til Monday, but I'm really not sure I can. It's a miracle really I've even waited this long. I just know if I'd had any cheapy tests they'd be gone by now, one a day since Monday :P Monday, I'll be on CD37 if my period hasn't shown up.

And whenever I do test... I'll be nervous if the result is positive, mainly because of Jonathan's reaction. I really don't know how he'll be if it's positive. He's having a hard time of late, and I'm a little scared if the result is positive, if the news of another baby on the way will tip him over the edge. I don't think I've ever felt so conflicted ever... especially as we have been TTC since January. I guess the thought going round my head is... if I am pregnant - do I tell Jonathan straight away??!! Or leave it a little while so I can try and guage how he will react?

And the verdict is...

I've just taken another pregnancy test, to give me a firm answer (or was at least hoping it wasn't too soon). The test has come back negative. I've not squinted at it obsessively... I shouldn't have to 4 days after my period was due, right?

My bleeding has all but finished, with only the lightest amount now, so a slightly shorter period, just.

Maybe Becca will be right in that I'll end up with a January baby too. Who knows?

I feel sad that I know baby has definitely gone. But given the bleeding, and the heavy possibility that baby had gone, I feel more at peace with it than I thought I would. I guess it is a bit easier having a very very early miscarriage than one several weeks down the line. I was only excited for one day. I might look into temping for next month - see if I can stick to it, that's the main thing I'm not sure I'd be able to do. How long do you have to have been in bed for before you temp? I have a digital thermometer, but it only goes to one decimal place, is that inadequate?

Thanks for reading x

Ok.. quite confused.

I am resigned to the fact that the baby is gone. Yet some people have mentioned how they continued to have period*s* during their pregnancy, so I googled it, and read that if your hormones aren't strong enough it can sometimes lead to decidual bleeding, where all the lining apart from where your baby is implanted can come away. I also read about an "odd fibrous clot" with regards to the decidual bleeding, and tried to find references to it in normal menstruation or early pregnancy loss, because yesterday I found what I would now describe as an odd fibrous clot, I wondered at first if it was a bit of tissue that came away. It was sat on the pad so it might have been anything. I also wondered if it might have been a bit of the tampon I wore a little previously.

I just did a test just now to see if the test would show negative. It's one of the cheapy ones, where I couldn't see anything before until it was completely dry. It's not completely dry and I think I can see a faint line still. *sigh*. I wish I knew one way or the other. As my test was yet again inconclusive, I will wait until my bleeding has stopped and test again. Please please let me get a firm answer either way. :(

See last post first.

Since this morning's post, I have been thinking all morning about it. I am trying to hold on to some hope that maybe all is ok. The bleeding hasn't turned into a full period - YET. I would class it I suppose as light flow. I've had a few tiny clots as well. Which is normal for me in a period.

I feel sad, yet I do still have a bit of hope. Yesterday I was so happy, I felt pregnant, I could see the line, even though it was a fainter than faint one, it was still a line. And that line to me meant that there was a baby there, somewhere, at some point in its journey.

I guess.. I wait. Maybe til this weekend. See what happens with the bleeding. See if it carries on, see if it stops, see how long it carries on for. And maybe test again at the weekend. If it was a period... it should come up as negative, right?

Not looking good.

I tested yesterday afternoon with a Tesco test, which didn't come up straight away but after about half an hour to an hour I went back and there was a line. A definite, visible line. Surely a line (a red line) wouldn't appear unless I was pregnant? Even though it says to disregard any results after 10 minutes. Anyway that's why I didn't post. My spotting had trailed off to practically nothing by yesterday too. This morning however, the day before my period is due, it is back and heavier than its been, and dark red.

Last night I lay in bed touching my pubic bone, which, underneath I was sure was a new tiny baby, and I imagined him growing and growing and then finally meeting him. Falling in love with him as I did with Christopher. And now I can't help but feel like its about to be snatched away from me.

Jonathan said to me this morning when I told him "ah well, you didn't really want a December baby anyway did you?" Well, my head didn't, but my heart did, and if I lose this baby, my heart just might break.

Wishful thinking?

What do you think?

CD29

Ok, well I spotted all day yesterday too. It didn't pick up to anything heavier. And still getting the *slightest* brown tinge when I wipe. Spotting for a whole 48 hours before trailing off is SO unusual for me. I am practically certain I am pregnant, (so if it turns out I am not, I will be crushed) I am just waiting for a BFP. I know this isn't the best mindset to be in and setting myself up potentially for a lot of disappointment!

I bet a lot of you knew I wouldn't be able to wait til Wednesday anyway before testing and you were right. I tested this morning, and the line I see is so faint it's probably a BFN. It takes a lot of squinting and holding it up to the light to see anything at all so it's probably just a shadow. There's no way a camera would pick up the line!!

I've had even a few thoughts about the baby, if indeed there is one in there. The baby has always been male, the few times the thought of a girl has popped into my head I've just been "yeah right!" I don't see myself as having a girl. I don't think I will ever have a girl. But I'd like one! Anyway, still on the waiting game.

Edited to add, at 9.31am, that I've been back to look at the test, which is now completely dry, and I swear I do actually see a faint line. But still fainter than faint and not really definite at all. I keep going back and thinking I can't see it since the first time, but then at an angle it definitely looks like it's there. Arghhh the suspense!! Should I still test tomorrow or should I wait til Thursday??!! Got one strip test and a CBD left.

CD28

Soooo I've been spotting on and off for over 24 hours now. It keeps varying in colour, consistency and amount. I've had a bright red wipe, I've had streaks, I've had brown, and pink. I've had plain blood flow (albeit very very light), streaked CM, coloured dry CM, and all randomly, although definitely more brown last night than before then. I did a test yesterday and it was negative, but then I usually only get a positive when I'm due on. Which for me is Thursday or so.

It is usual for me to get a bit of spotting the day before my period, but this usually starts out as streaky, progresses to wipe-able, and the next day, AF is here. And given my spotting started on Saturday night, and I'm not due to start spotting til Wednesday, this is NOT normal for me! I am cautiously optimistic! I don't feel particularly pregnant other than that, and a few odd sensations. Last night my right boob started aching, whether it has a correlation to the fact I fed Christopher off the left about half an hour previously I don't know!

I'm not going to test again until.. hmm.. lets say WEDNESDAY. The day before AF is due, if I'm on a 30 day cycle. And I know you're all going to bug me to test before, but I only have TWO cheapy tests left, and a CBD to confirm the cheapy BFP. :P

I'm

yet. Come on Aunt Flo.

Erm..

I might have some news to share soon... stay tuned, I'll be back in a few days tops...

Taken some tests. The top one was taken yesterday morning (Weds 4th Jan) and it appeared negative at first, left it aside for a few hours as I'd forgotten about it (meant to look again in another 5-10 minutes) and that's what I saw. Can you see the second line too? I'm not sure if what I'm seeing is a proper line, or if it's an evap line because of the colour bleed. The test below looks fairly negative, and was taken this morning.



I think I am just going to have to wait til the 8th Jan which is the earliest I'm due on again. Thinking about doing a CBD but thinking there won't be a lot of point.

I couldn't help testing.. :(

But it's good news, I'm pregnant!! :D

The line on the test is faint, but definitely there!






I think I'm just over 4 weeks pregnant, maybe 4 and a half at a push. I estimate my due date to be 6th/7th October. I waited for a few seconds, then picked up the test while it was still drying, and saw the line forming, my hand started shaking and I had to sit down on the edge of the bath! Didn't stop shaking for about an hour... I don't remember that with Robert at all! We're going to *try* and wait until we have our scan before we tell family this time... so it's staying off facebook please girls :)

Woohoooo!

It's gone...

All signs of bleeding have gone... I had stained CM until yesterday afternoon around lunchtime. Since then - nada. Had some CM, but all been clear.

I keep wondering if it would be too early to test if I tested tomorrow. I wonder how I will feel if I test tomorrow and it's negative. It's a possibility I need to prepare myself for. Will I just think "oh it's too early" and wait longer and then test? Or will I think "that's it, AF is on her way then?" Which is better? Is it better for me to think AF is coming or to wait longer? I don't know if me just THINKING there's the possibility I am pregnant now is delaying my period if I am not.

To be honest - I *am* expecting a negative test tomorrow. But like I say I don't know if that will mean I am really not pregnant. I'm just so used to negative tests, plus with Robert I was 5 days late when I tested and got the faintest of faint lines. I think I'm just one of those women with low HcG levels.

Each month I have thought deep down I was pregnant, so while I think now I might well be, that doesn't really mean anything because I thought I was for the last two times! Please keep everything crossed for me tomorrow morning.... xx

ok girls....

I'd really like your opinions on this please!

As you know I had my period the week after I started getting one sided cramps after several days of extremely light spotting. I came off my period after a week, with the last couple of days being fairly light. (But not light enough to get away without using a towel) For the last few days around the same point in the day I've felt "iffy", and yesterday it was coupled with bad diarrhoea.

This morning, on a whim, I decided to take a pregnancy test, even though I've only come off my first postnatal period 3 days ago. And I'm puzzled. I have what looks like the same extremely faint line that I had with Robert. It's so faint that I have to hold it up to the light and even then I'm not 100% sure it's there. But I think there is something there. I've never had evap lines on these tests before, but surely that's not saying anything?

But does anyone know, is it normal to have what appears to be a normal period right at the beginning of their pregnancy? Could the diarrhoea and "iffy"ness be a good sign that it's pregnancy? Any comments at all would be greatly appreciated!

12 weeks 3 days - another entry - new photos!

Hey again all! (Second entry of the day - if you missed one hit the <<>

I've been a busy girlie today! I've tidied up the box room ready for the armchairs to go in (sofas arriving tomorrow woohooo! Although I'm paranoid they'll end up going to the billing address - our old address we lived in when we ordered the sofas, not the delivery address we stated to them at time of ordering). I've also been busy with the camera! (double woohoo!) Go clicky on the belly gallery link for self taken slightly blurry and surprisingly flattering pic of 12 week belly, complete with cat in the background!

And then get yo ass back here, because there's a second pic! And it's been a long time coming! My 8 (hehe) pregnancy tests!! I spent ages trying to get them in focus, so you could see the lines and text perfectly clearly...

Tell me... can you see a teeny tiny hint of a line on the top two?? No? Try squinting, and holding the webpage up to the light, can you see it now? Just about? And so finally you see what my early EARLY entries were about! Hehe! And why I wasn't keen to shout it out until the line became darker :)

My tummy has been feeling hmmm.. what's the word... tight I suppose. I would bend over slightly and my tummy would CLENCH and I was like woahhhhh... how weird! But also wonderful! I love how different my body feels now I'm pregnant, particularly my tummy. :)

Anyway, thanks for reading! Again! :)

Unsure Due Date, Parents Visiting

Today I took a ClearBlue (non digital), and guess what?? I'm PREGNANT! (Oh wait, you already knew that, ah well, hehe :D )

I was thinking about the dates and timing etc of things, and although by simply LMP my due date is 22nd November, I think something weird definitely happened with my ovulation, since I was 33 days past and still only got a veeeeery faint line on the test - equivalent to Alice's 10 DPO test. Which would imply that maybe I ovulated around day 23 or... 10th March. Which was 4 days before we moved house. Which would actually put my due date at more like... 30th November/1st of December. Hmmm. Which might actually give a birth day of the same day as one of his Aunties! (My sister Helen, who my dad adopted, is my step-mother's daughter) 3rd of December.

It is a bit odd, since last month I had the delayed period, it might have done something odd to when I ovulated too... so it is a little weird.

Anyway, having some chats with Alice via notes hehe, she said that the first scan in this country isn't until 12 weeks! Yipes! That means I'd have to wait another 2 whole months for my surprise present idea for my parents, and means I wouldn't be able to talk to my mum about it at all... and today the perfect opportunity to tell them is presenting itself.. they're coming over to see the house, and then we're going out for a meal. And they're going to be here with Jonathan's parents, so it would be a really nice time to tell them I think - Jonathan's parents aren't grandparents yet, I think they'll really be thrilled... And my parents too of course, but they're already grandparents, so it's not going to be quite as big a deal. My dad's coming over with my step mother on Monday. We have to find a suitable restaurant for them, which is hard because we've not lived here very long :( (And my dad can be quite fussy with regards to restaurants - he turns his nose up at all chains basically, even the more upmarket ones like Beefeater, Harvesters etc)

But yeah, I am thinking of telling them today. And then I can give them a photo of the scan later when we get one.

Thank you, Meg, and Verity, and of course Alice for your looovely notes! I'm so excited that we do have a nice house, one that's great for us raising children, and yes, also so pleased it didn't take long! I guess with a "game plan" like "Lets have intercourse every other day whenever I'm not on my period" is a great way to ensure that whenever I ovulate BAM there's the sperm. ;)

Anyway, Jonathan's phone connection is playing up, so although I managed to get ONTO diaryland in the first place, it seems I may have trouble posting this before I have to get my hair dry and get dressed ready for the first batch of parents to arrive! ;) Ahhh, I'm so glad that the ClearBlue showed up so clearly! There's absolutely no doubt that I'm pregnant :) I just hope everything goes okay, and there are no complications!

I can't help wondering whether my little Boo is a boy or a girl.... I know it's already determined of course! Right now, it just seems so surreal - I don't FEEL pregnant yet, really. I mean, I have tender breasts, I seem to wee slightly more than usual, but apart from that, nothing. I guess it will become more real when I see the scan, or when I get more "typically" pregnant symptoms, and when I start to show. (which, I'm facing it, will be a LONG time, because I am very overweight.) I keep touching my belly (which already is round, and not because of the baby haha) and thinking "Wow!" I just find it sooo weird to think that I have the beginnings of a real HUMAN inside me.. it seems so early and amazing. Even now I talk about it and think "I'm pregnant" I don't think it's really sinking in. I don't really seem to realise properly that in EIGHT months, I will be holding a baby that Jonathan and I made. It's just such a weird concept. And I think Jonathan is the same - I don't think he properly comprehends that I'm pregnant either, same as I don't. I think that in a couple of months when we get the scan, it's going to hit us like a truck. Because, right now, my being pregnant is just a line on a little stick. In a couple of months, it will be a tiny person floating inside me, on a picture, and possibly hearing its heart beat.

Yes, I AM pregnant!

Ok, ok, I could hardly sleep last night, and was practically wide awake for the sunrise this morning - went to the window and looked out and there it was! May well be the first time I've seen the sunrise :)

And yes, I know I was going to wait til Saturday to test again, but I had one open already, (to see if there was a trace of a line on the test before testing haha) and it was staring at me... so I did another test....

It was darker!!!! I could see the line even before the strip finished whitening! Still quite faint, but it IS darker! I can't quite believe it.... I am pregnant!!!! And it only took one and a half months of trying.... if you count last month, since we only started late in the cycle. So our first proper month's trying, and I fall pregnant straight away. I can't belieeeeve it! I thought it would take me AGES - between six months and a year at least. (Thank GOODNESS I didn't manage to persuade Jonathan to start trying before we found this place, last June...) But I am SO relieved... I have been so scared that we wouldn't be able to conceive... I guess though it might have helped that I'm in the most fertile age range - I'll be 25 in July.

Some things I noticed last night - tender breasts, a bit of cramping (not severe though), and... don't know whether this is a symptom or not - an itch, just inside my vagina. Happened several times during the night so I wasn't sure.

But yes, okay, go ahead and scream your congratulations hehe :) I'm properly convinced now because of that darker line. I will be FIVE WEEKS pregnant tomorrow!!! My due date will be 22nd November (counting 40 weeks on from 16th February - the first day of my last period). My nephew Ewan was born on the 28th November last year ;)

I suddenly feel scared, but so sooo excited... suddenly also feel a bit like Janice from Friends... "Oh..... My..... God!"

Oh, and new diary image :D