I would have been 39 weeks pregnant today, but instead I have had my little Christopher here for 5 whole days :) We are slowly settling into a routine, getting our tactics sorted out for how to get a semi decent night's sleep. Robert if I remember rightly slept 5 hours at a time from when we got him home, but then he was 6 days old by the time we got him home so maybe.. just maybe! Hehe! Christopher last night slept for about 3 hours between feeds, which was better than the last two nights so fingers crossed for something similar tonight. I was awake though from 3am at least last night though with painfully engorged breasts, and so in the end I decided to get up, and hand express some. I again got 2oz, but from just the one breast that time and although it was still quite engorged I was at least able to get some sleep.
I have been using Robert as a pump when he's been awake and willing. He sometimes refuses if I offer, if the other thing on offer seems better at the time ;) This morning he nursed for a long time, emptying one breast and having a good go at the other, before Christopher woke up. He also nursed alongside Christopher during the day once, and another time when I was simply holding his baby brother he came and asked for milky. Then again this evening he nursed from both breasts so hopefully engorgement won't be as bad tonight. The first tandem feed showed that Robert was quite possessive over my breasts, he tried to pull Christopher off by his legs! But now he simply looks over from time to time, with interest, or indifference. He occasionally reaches over and holds Christopher's hand while nursing as well which is sweet :)
He seems to find Christopher very fascinating right now, and loves to sit and watch him, and although we've now told him not to touch Christopher's face, he does still now try and put his whole hand covering Christopher's face (which is slightly better than poking his eyes out I suppose, he doesn't cover it in a manner that would suffocate him). When I feed Robert on our bed with Christopher in the cot, if Christopher makes a noise, Robert will look up and smile as he watches his baby brother for a while before continuing to nurse :)
Sometimes I do see Robert in Christopher, but other times he looks completely different! I think because Christopher is sooo much smaller than Robert was at birth it is hard to see similarities, because Christopher's face is more wrinkled up.
Christopher was weighed today when the midwife came over. He has lost 7% of his birth weight which is in the acceptable limits, so now weighs a diddy 6lb 15oz. I never had a weighing with Robert at this stage, but he was weighed at 2 weeks and he was back to his birth weight exactly then. I do hope that Christopher gains back to his birth weight well by the time he's two weeks old. I guess over the next week he will be getting a fair amount of mature milk and will hopefully be less sleepy and will feed longer.
I'm starting to get some after pains now, I thought I'd skipped them as I didn't get anything really before today. That combined with I guess the drop of hormones and general "after birth" body changes has given me slight uneasy feelings, which I'm confident will pass although having remembered them with Robert it does worry me a little but I know I will be able to keep an eye on my feelings and Jonathan will be as well. The fact that I have had a much better birth experience and been able to bond straight away with Christopher, and the fact that it all isn't quite so "new" is comforting to me, and knowing that all I really have to do is take things one step at a time and everything will be ok. Those feelings did pass with Robert, and they will pass if I get them to any stage with Christopher as well.
Something which I will be starting off at is beginning to lose this weight. I might have mentioned before but I want to get down to 12 stone by this time next year, which only means me losing 39lb (I weighed in at 14 stone 11lb yesterday which I am pleased at, less than 3 stone to lose this year!) and will put me at a BMI at just into overweight rather than obese. Of course I might even lose more and be into the healthy range, but 12 stone is a goal I am happy with for now. My appetite isn't very big right now, normal sized meals leave me feeling bloated, so I might well not even be trying to lose weight properly and still managing to!
I am still nervous about my blood sugar, and whether or not my diabetes will stick around. Apparently it can take a few weeks for levels to get back to normal. This morning porridge left me with a reading of 7 which is good for diabetes but I can't remember what porridge used to do to my levels in pregnancy as I never had it very often. I'll be having another GTT in about 5 weeks time to find out if I do still have it, and I really hope I don't, obviously. Anyway will go for now, I'd quite like to sit down and relax with a nice cuppa before I think about waking up the little man. :)
Thursday 30 September 2010
Tuesday 28 September 2010
3 days old
Ahhh, well Christopher is 3 days old (well almost, half an hour or so til he is properly!). Tonight will be our second night at home and we are still trying to settle down and into a proper routine (well, as much as having a newborn around can have a routine!).
I had my first home visit from the midwife today, not my antenatal one unfortunately, but maybe I'll get to see Beverley later this week. She did of course turn up during Robert's nap (and also at a time we managed to get Christopher asleep in his cot!) grrr. She's happy enough with everything, except the fact that Christopher hadn't pooed since Monday morning (he has since done one - hurrah!) and she said if he hadn't done one by 9am tomorrow to phone up the community midwives office to arrange an extra home visit, but since he has pooed, all is well, for now :)
My milk has come in last night, it's still the "changing" milk so there isn't a HUGE amount of it, but there is enough to make my little man gulp away while feeding, and to produce MASSIVE burps lol! And definitely more of it than there was with Robert. Christopher now feeds for roughly half an hour at a go due to the increase in milk, compared to 1 hour+ (with tickles to keep him awake) while I was in hospital. My breasts have been very engorged today, even after Robert going on one for a long time they still feel hard and sore. So hopefully they'll settle down soon, but I did express some milk earlier in the evening, and I got about 2oz, just under, which I think is pretty good going for 3 days post partum!
Christopher has just woken, and Jonathan's changing his nappy. Poor little soul does NOT enjoy nappy changes, and SCREAMS until his little legs have been tucked away again into his babygrow :) He did another poo so yay for that :)
Anyway, gotta go! We're hoping we have a better night than last night - little man wouldn't bring up his wind properly and would only sleep well on his side, and even then that was for barely 15 minutes! In the end we brought him into bed with us as that was the only way he ended up sleeping for longer than half an hour, and even then I kept waking up with a dead arm. He's slept much better in his cot today, so fingers crossed it will be a bit better!
I had my first home visit from the midwife today, not my antenatal one unfortunately, but maybe I'll get to see Beverley later this week. She did of course turn up during Robert's nap (and also at a time we managed to get Christopher asleep in his cot!) grrr. She's happy enough with everything, except the fact that Christopher hadn't pooed since Monday morning (he has since done one - hurrah!) and she said if he hadn't done one by 9am tomorrow to phone up the community midwives office to arrange an extra home visit, but since he has pooed, all is well, for now :)
My milk has come in last night, it's still the "changing" milk so there isn't a HUGE amount of it, but there is enough to make my little man gulp away while feeding, and to produce MASSIVE burps lol! And definitely more of it than there was with Robert. Christopher now feeds for roughly half an hour at a go due to the increase in milk, compared to 1 hour+ (with tickles to keep him awake) while I was in hospital. My breasts have been very engorged today, even after Robert going on one for a long time they still feel hard and sore. So hopefully they'll settle down soon, but I did express some milk earlier in the evening, and I got about 2oz, just under, which I think is pretty good going for 3 days post partum!
Christopher has just woken, and Jonathan's changing his nappy. Poor little soul does NOT enjoy nappy changes, and SCREAMS until his little legs have been tucked away again into his babygrow :) He did another poo so yay for that :)
Anyway, gotta go! We're hoping we have a better night than last night - little man wouldn't bring up his wind properly and would only sleep well on his side, and even then that was for barely 15 minutes! In the end we brought him into bed with us as that was the only way he ended up sleeping for longer than half an hour, and even then I kept waking up with a dead arm. He's slept much better in his cot today, so fingers crossed it will be a bit better!
Monday 27 September 2010
Squidge(aka Christopher!!)'s Birth Story
On Saturday morning, the 25th, we headed into hospital having left Robert with Jonathan's parents. When we got there, we were taken up into the antenatal ward where other women were waiting to be induced. We were told that due to the delivery suite being busy, all the inductions were being postponed, but in the meantime, before I could be induced, they needed to monitor the baby's heartbeat and uterine activity, so they would know how Squidge was fairing with contractions (not that I got any then, but I suppose as a base level to compare the figures to during labour). So from 8.30am, until 9.30am I was hooked up to this, then at 9.30 when the midwife was happy with the reading, she put the prostin in, and monitored me for another hour on the machine.
At 10.30am she let me off it finally, and encouraged me to move around and keep active, so Jonathan and I went for a walk around the hospital, through the basement corridors, up and down stairs, into the main hospital to "explore" as it was cold outside, and pretty much the entire time I had a long continuous braxton hicks contraction. After about 20-30 minutes we went back to the ward as I was getting a bit tired, and I had a bounce on the birthing ball we'd taken up with us. The girl across the bed from me was very friendly, so we chatted, she was being induced that evening I believe but she had already been in a few days.
After a little while, Jonathan left to go back and see Robert, as nothing was really happening, and there was probably about 45 minutes or so between Jonathan leaving and my Mum showing up. We chatted for a while, she knitted and I bounced. Over the next couple of hours, my constant braxton hicks was slowly morphing into regular-ish braxton hicks contractions, some of which I was beginning to need to breathe through. I decided to stop bouncing and to lay down on the bed and see if they continued, and they did. I started timing them, and while they weren't dead on regular or equal duration, they were very close together, within 1.5 and 2.5 minutes between them. After another half an hour of monitoring or so, she came back and told me that she didn't think much was happening (or words to that effect) because they weren't regular in strength or frequency. So she did an internal on me, and found me to be 3-4cm, with my waters bulging. That HURT, she told me was because my cervix was posterior and she had to try and get to it and "walk it forward" a bit. And my cervix was still quite thick. Anyway by this time I had told Jonathan to come back so he and my mum were both there.
Around 4pm I was admitted to the labour ward to room N ("for Norman" lol - "Or Nicola?" I joked). We got settled in and we even got one of the big beanbags through from the day room. I felt a bit bad in a way because it all seemed rather boring, I would bounce on my birth ball, fall silent during contractions, and Mum and Jonathan were just sitting around it seemed. But I guess they did have each other for company.
Around 7pm the midwife (Cathy) told me she'd like to do an examination at 7.30, I can't remember the reason now but I told her I'd rather wait a little longer to see if things progressed on their own. As a compromise we agreed on 8pm, so she left and I settled down on the beanbag to listen to the birthing affirmations. About half an hour later it finished so I got up and got on the birth ball again. After a few minutes I became concerned because I had realised during the affirmations that the contractions weren't as bad but I thought that was because I was relaxed. When they didn't seem more intense again on the birthing ball it struck that something wasn't quite right, especially when I was able to walk to the midwife station without getting a single one. There Cathy suggested I walk around until 8pm to see if they did come on again.
Off we went, and yes they did pick up again but they weren't anywhere near the strength they were before, so just before 8 we got back to the room. This is undoutedly where things got more interesting for my birthing partners!
Jonathan, shortly after we got back, said something he probably regretted several minutes later. "Have you felt Squidge moving lately?" Immediately I started wracking my brains and coming up empty. Enter panic mode! I sat down, started poking my belly, praying that Squidge would move. I managed to move his feet/bum but it didn't prompt him to make his own movements! Worst case senarios immediately started running through my mind. That Squidge had died and that nothing would save him, not emergency c-section, or anything. My mum started to try and comfort me saying that if things were wrong they would get him out quick with c-section and he'd be ok, but I was almost crying and saying "Not if Squidge is already dead!" And she tried to comfort me again saying "Squidge isn't dead, sweetheart" but it didn't comfort me. Jonathan went to get Cathy in asap but she was busy with another woman and I was still panicking.
Eventually she came in and I begged her to check Squidge's heartbeat. It didn't come up straight away and I laid on the bed thinking "please please please", and then she found it, and relief (albeit cautious relief) flooded my body and mind. She then said she'd check my cervix again, and she said "if you're not dilated more than 7 I would like to break your waters, but if you're more than 7 we can leave you, is that ok?" and still shocked and upset from Squidge's lack of movement I agreed straight away, and in a way I was relieved when she said I was still 3-4 cm, and that she'd break my waters. So she did this with her "magic wand" (giving mum and Jonathan a giggle) and oh my god the PAIN. My cervix was still posterior and I was sucking on gas and air for all my worth while she was doing this. She made several surprised sounds, and "oh my gosh it's going everywhere!" and "if your waters had gone in Marks and Spencers you'd have made a fortune!" She was still wriggling something about in there and I didn't know why because I could feel my feet getting wet, and for some reason I took the gas and air out of my mouth and started to cry!
It was probably because of the whole worry over Squidge's movements but as soon as I started to cry, Cathy stopped fiddling around in there and took her hand out, Jonathan rushed over to me and held my hand, and Cathy said it was probably because it brought back memories that I cried, and I thought 'but my waters popped in the birth pool last time' and was quite confused until after I realised she probably meant the worry about the baby.
Anyway Cathy told me the instant my waters were broken I went from 3-4 cm to 5 cm straight away. Shortly after that happened she changed over, she seemed really disappointed she couldn't stay to see the birth as she clocked off at 9pm and introduced me to the other midwife who took over from her. I can't remember her name, but anyway Cathy left, and the other midwife stayed behind.
Very shortly after that happened I was having contractions on the table, during which I groaned/grunted through (unable to focus completely and stay silent like before) and after a few, I got a slight urge to bear down which I told everyone about. I half heartedly did so and then said that I wanted to kneel on the beanbag leaning against the bed (my chosen delivery position). They brought the beanbag over to the bed and put one of those sheet things with the waterproof backing on top and I knelt either side of it while they put other sheets around. I leaned over onto the bed and with the next contraction, bore down as hard as I could, at the same time letting out a very very loud primal-esque groan for the length of the contraction, and I could feel his head coming down very fast, and within what seemed like seconds (although maybe 20-30 of them!) I could feel his head get to the verge of crowning. All the way through I heard the midwife, my mum and Jonathan all calling out various things to me like "oh well done!" "keep going!" "clever girl!" "I'm so proud of you!" Part of me wanted to take a break as that contraction was wearing me out but there was still some behind me so I just went for it, and all of a sudden I was being told to pant out his body! It all slid out just after the contraction finished and a few seconds later I heard what really was a magical sound, of Squidge letting out a cry, and then a little while later, Jonathan saying tearfully "It's a boy!" I remember feeling really surprised, but so emotional and happy, and due to my position while I could twist round and see him a little, I couldn't really move. The midwife called out "Nine oh eight!" which for some reason the first thing that popped into my head was 9lb 8oz lol and thought that was odd how could she have weighed him so soon! But of course she meant the time he was born :)
After the midwife cut the cord (probably the easiest thing to do given my position even though it was in my birth plan not to) I climbed back onto the bed, and was given my baby boy :) We spent the next 3-4 hours or so in that room, first of all being given clotting meds for my bleeding, the placenta coming away easily, and cuddling my baby boy and letting him (for the most part, I moved him slightly closer to the breast so he could see it) move himself and latch on, where he stayed for absolutely ages, then came off, and went on again and during this time mum came over to me and said she'd probably better be heading off soon but wanted to see him weighed and also a cuddle, anyway in the end little man decided to keep mum waiting far too long so she headed off without, under the proviso she could come back the next day and have her cuddle then.
Finally, after my stitches (a whole load for a "superficial" 2nd degree tear from a perfectionist midwife lol) and then later a bath (oh my goodness how heavenly is that first bath after childbirth???!!!), and we were ready to go up to the ward.
There you have it. :) Christopher Jon Hunt's birth story, welcome to the world little man!
Just wanted to edit this to add what a lovely supportive midwife Cathy was. It's a shame she couldn't stick around for the whole birth. She read my birth plan and although she did sometimes accidently slip and ask me what the "pains" were like - to me they weren't pain again, they were simply contractions, tightenings. Whenever a midwife came in, Cathy included, they kept saying how lovely and peaceful it was in my delivery room, and how they wanted to stay there lol! I had the lights dimmed and music playing.. I don't know what the vast majority of their hospital births are like, but I guess neither of those.
I think, despite the contractions feeling stronger than with Robert's labour, I definitely felt more in control and that might have been what made the difference. I knew what I wanted, what was important to me, what I would be willing to let go, and from past experience, how to position myself. As I was lying on the bed and feeling the urge to push (again, from having read my birth plan, my midwife did not ask to examine me to check I was "ok" to push, as I specifically wrote that I wanted to use my body as a guide during labour), I very calmly thought to myself "now's the time to move, so I stated clearly I wanted to get into the delivering position, feeling very in control, and I think despite the speed in which he descended, I did still feel in control, I was thinking to myself part way through that I was getting tired, and was tempted to stop, but as my contraction was still going, I made the conscious decision to keep bearing down as hard as I could!
How strange though, that I have now forgotten the sensation, I remember recollecting shortly after, wondering how I gave birth to Robert. Which makes me think that pushing Christopher out must have been tough, but overall it was such a positive birth experience, and even with it being induced, I was fully able to cope without pain relief (for the actual labour). This even without Hypnobirthing fresh in my mind, just from re-visiting the book, listening to the CDs and practicing breathing techniques again.
At 10.30am she let me off it finally, and encouraged me to move around and keep active, so Jonathan and I went for a walk around the hospital, through the basement corridors, up and down stairs, into the main hospital to "explore" as it was cold outside, and pretty much the entire time I had a long continuous braxton hicks contraction. After about 20-30 minutes we went back to the ward as I was getting a bit tired, and I had a bounce on the birthing ball we'd taken up with us. The girl across the bed from me was very friendly, so we chatted, she was being induced that evening I believe but she had already been in a few days.
After a little while, Jonathan left to go back and see Robert, as nothing was really happening, and there was probably about 45 minutes or so between Jonathan leaving and my Mum showing up. We chatted for a while, she knitted and I bounced. Over the next couple of hours, my constant braxton hicks was slowly morphing into regular-ish braxton hicks contractions, some of which I was beginning to need to breathe through. I decided to stop bouncing and to lay down on the bed and see if they continued, and they did. I started timing them, and while they weren't dead on regular or equal duration, they were very close together, within 1.5 and 2.5 minutes between them. After another half an hour of monitoring or so, she came back and told me that she didn't think much was happening (or words to that effect) because they weren't regular in strength or frequency. So she did an internal on me, and found me to be 3-4cm, with my waters bulging. That HURT, she told me was because my cervix was posterior and she had to try and get to it and "walk it forward" a bit. And my cervix was still quite thick. Anyway by this time I had told Jonathan to come back so he and my mum were both there.
Around 4pm I was admitted to the labour ward to room N ("for Norman" lol - "Or Nicola?" I joked). We got settled in and we even got one of the big beanbags through from the day room. I felt a bit bad in a way because it all seemed rather boring, I would bounce on my birth ball, fall silent during contractions, and Mum and Jonathan were just sitting around it seemed. But I guess they did have each other for company.
Around 7pm the midwife (Cathy) told me she'd like to do an examination at 7.30, I can't remember the reason now but I told her I'd rather wait a little longer to see if things progressed on their own. As a compromise we agreed on 8pm, so she left and I settled down on the beanbag to listen to the birthing affirmations. About half an hour later it finished so I got up and got on the birth ball again. After a few minutes I became concerned because I had realised during the affirmations that the contractions weren't as bad but I thought that was because I was relaxed. When they didn't seem more intense again on the birthing ball it struck that something wasn't quite right, especially when I was able to walk to the midwife station without getting a single one. There Cathy suggested I walk around until 8pm to see if they did come on again.
Off we went, and yes they did pick up again but they weren't anywhere near the strength they were before, so just before 8 we got back to the room. This is undoutedly where things got more interesting for my birthing partners!
Jonathan, shortly after we got back, said something he probably regretted several minutes later. "Have you felt Squidge moving lately?" Immediately I started wracking my brains and coming up empty. Enter panic mode! I sat down, started poking my belly, praying that Squidge would move. I managed to move his feet/bum but it didn't prompt him to make his own movements! Worst case senarios immediately started running through my mind. That Squidge had died and that nothing would save him, not emergency c-section, or anything. My mum started to try and comfort me saying that if things were wrong they would get him out quick with c-section and he'd be ok, but I was almost crying and saying "Not if Squidge is already dead!" And she tried to comfort me again saying "Squidge isn't dead, sweetheart" but it didn't comfort me. Jonathan went to get Cathy in asap but she was busy with another woman and I was still panicking.
Eventually she came in and I begged her to check Squidge's heartbeat. It didn't come up straight away and I laid on the bed thinking "please please please", and then she found it, and relief (albeit cautious relief) flooded my body and mind. She then said she'd check my cervix again, and she said "if you're not dilated more than 7 I would like to break your waters, but if you're more than 7 we can leave you, is that ok?" and still shocked and upset from Squidge's lack of movement I agreed straight away, and in a way I was relieved when she said I was still 3-4 cm, and that she'd break my waters. So she did this with her "magic wand" (giving mum and Jonathan a giggle) and oh my god the PAIN. My cervix was still posterior and I was sucking on gas and air for all my worth while she was doing this. She made several surprised sounds, and "oh my gosh it's going everywhere!" and "if your waters had gone in Marks and Spencers you'd have made a fortune!" She was still wriggling something about in there and I didn't know why because I could feel my feet getting wet, and for some reason I took the gas and air out of my mouth and started to cry!
It was probably because of the whole worry over Squidge's movements but as soon as I started to cry, Cathy stopped fiddling around in there and took her hand out, Jonathan rushed over to me and held my hand, and Cathy said it was probably because it brought back memories that I cried, and I thought 'but my waters popped in the birth pool last time' and was quite confused until after I realised she probably meant the worry about the baby.
Anyway Cathy told me the instant my waters were broken I went from 3-4 cm to 5 cm straight away. Shortly after that happened she changed over, she seemed really disappointed she couldn't stay to see the birth as she clocked off at 9pm and introduced me to the other midwife who took over from her. I can't remember her name, but anyway Cathy left, and the other midwife stayed behind.
Very shortly after that happened I was having contractions on the table, during which I groaned/grunted through (unable to focus completely and stay silent like before) and after a few, I got a slight urge to bear down which I told everyone about. I half heartedly did so and then said that I wanted to kneel on the beanbag leaning against the bed (my chosen delivery position). They brought the beanbag over to the bed and put one of those sheet things with the waterproof backing on top and I knelt either side of it while they put other sheets around. I leaned over onto the bed and with the next contraction, bore down as hard as I could, at the same time letting out a very very loud primal-esque groan for the length of the contraction, and I could feel his head coming down very fast, and within what seemed like seconds (although maybe 20-30 of them!) I could feel his head get to the verge of crowning. All the way through I heard the midwife, my mum and Jonathan all calling out various things to me like "oh well done!" "keep going!" "clever girl!" "I'm so proud of you!" Part of me wanted to take a break as that contraction was wearing me out but there was still some behind me so I just went for it, and all of a sudden I was being told to pant out his body! It all slid out just after the contraction finished and a few seconds later I heard what really was a magical sound, of Squidge letting out a cry, and then a little while later, Jonathan saying tearfully "It's a boy!" I remember feeling really surprised, but so emotional and happy, and due to my position while I could twist round and see him a little, I couldn't really move. The midwife called out "Nine oh eight!" which for some reason the first thing that popped into my head was 9lb 8oz lol and thought that was odd how could she have weighed him so soon! But of course she meant the time he was born :)
After the midwife cut the cord (probably the easiest thing to do given my position even though it was in my birth plan not to) I climbed back onto the bed, and was given my baby boy :) We spent the next 3-4 hours or so in that room, first of all being given clotting meds for my bleeding, the placenta coming away easily, and cuddling my baby boy and letting him (for the most part, I moved him slightly closer to the breast so he could see it) move himself and latch on, where he stayed for absolutely ages, then came off, and went on again and during this time mum came over to me and said she'd probably better be heading off soon but wanted to see him weighed and also a cuddle, anyway in the end little man decided to keep mum waiting far too long so she headed off without, under the proviso she could come back the next day and have her cuddle then.
Finally, after my stitches (a whole load for a "superficial" 2nd degree tear from a perfectionist midwife lol) and then later a bath (oh my goodness how heavenly is that first bath after childbirth???!!!), and we were ready to go up to the ward.
There you have it. :) Christopher Jon Hunt's birth story, welcome to the world little man!
Just wanted to edit this to add what a lovely supportive midwife Cathy was. It's a shame she couldn't stick around for the whole birth. She read my birth plan and although she did sometimes accidently slip and ask me what the "pains" were like - to me they weren't pain again, they were simply contractions, tightenings. Whenever a midwife came in, Cathy included, they kept saying how lovely and peaceful it was in my delivery room, and how they wanted to stay there lol! I had the lights dimmed and music playing.. I don't know what the vast majority of their hospital births are like, but I guess neither of those.
I think, despite the contractions feeling stronger than with Robert's labour, I definitely felt more in control and that might have been what made the difference. I knew what I wanted, what was important to me, what I would be willing to let go, and from past experience, how to position myself. As I was lying on the bed and feeling the urge to push (again, from having read my birth plan, my midwife did not ask to examine me to check I was "ok" to push, as I specifically wrote that I wanted to use my body as a guide during labour), I very calmly thought to myself "now's the time to move, so I stated clearly I wanted to get into the delivering position, feeling very in control, and I think despite the speed in which he descended, I did still feel in control, I was thinking to myself part way through that I was getting tired, and was tempted to stop, but as my contraction was still going, I made the conscious decision to keep bearing down as hard as I could!
How strange though, that I have now forgotten the sensation, I remember recollecting shortly after, wondering how I gave birth to Robert. Which makes me think that pushing Christopher out must have been tough, but overall it was such a positive birth experience, and even with it being induced, I was fully able to cope without pain relief (for the actual labour). This even without Hypnobirthing fresh in my mind, just from re-visiting the book, listening to the CDs and practicing breathing techniques again.
Sunday 26 September 2010
Our little Squidge has arrived
As most of you know, our little Squidge arrived at 9.08pm yesterday (25th September) weighing an absolutely diddy 7lb 9oz! Little Christopher Jon is absolutely perfect and has been breastfeeding for every feed. Due to my diabetes they are checking his blood sugar levels pre feeds, and so far they have not been satisfactory, due to him being quite sleepy and not actually crying for milk yet! It has been an effort to keep him awake and for him to actually have a good long feed, although he did manage it for his last feed, where he fed well for over an hour! So fingers crossed for his next BM.
On the matter of the birth, in a nutshell I had given birth vaginally within 12 hours of being given my first and only pessary! I did also need to have my waters broken, during this process I used gas and air but other than that I didn't use any pain relief despite the contractions being a lot more intense and uncomfortable much earlier on than with Robert's labour.
All in all, my birth experience was very much a positive one, although, maybe due to the speed in which the 2nd phase progressed, I have no idea how on earth I managed to get a 10lb baby out! There was also a time I panicked because Jonathan had asked me when I last felt Squidge move and then realised I couldn't remember, so I really panicked until I was monitored. I had the worst case scenario of Squidge already being dead and there being nothing we could do... but luckily of course Squidge was alright!
I am waiting for him to wake for his feed and he either just pooed or farted, so I might change him and see if he wakes. Hopefully I can update this tomorrow from home, but I'll keep you informed! I can't wait to write his birth story!
On the matter of the birth, in a nutshell I had given birth vaginally within 12 hours of being given my first and only pessary! I did also need to have my waters broken, during this process I used gas and air but other than that I didn't use any pain relief despite the contractions being a lot more intense and uncomfortable much earlier on than with Robert's labour.
All in all, my birth experience was very much a positive one, although, maybe due to the speed in which the 2nd phase progressed, I have no idea how on earth I managed to get a 10lb baby out! There was also a time I panicked because Jonathan had asked me when I last felt Squidge move and then realised I couldn't remember, so I really panicked until I was monitored. I had the worst case scenario of Squidge already being dead and there being nothing we could do... but luckily of course Squidge was alright!
I am waiting for him to wake for his feed and he either just pooed or farted, so I might change him and see if he wakes. Hopefully I can update this tomorrow from home, but I'll keep you informed! I can't wait to write his birth story!
Thursday 23 September 2010
38 weeks pregnant - niggles and belly pic
Well 38 weeks pregnant today, 2 days until D-Day. The last two evenings I've had niggles which feel promising but I've been trying not to get too excited. The best I am hoping for at the moment is that these niggles mean things are getting things ready, and that it means that when I am induced on Saturday things will be fairly speedy... I have been getting some looser BM (and some normal ones too), been getting some achiness in my lower back, off to one side mainly but sometimes all the way across (which I never had with R), and also some mild achiness/pain in my lower bump, and also some much stronger braxton hicks than I have been having all the way through my pregnancy, ones which are also lasting longer than normal. It's strange how little I remember from my pregnancy with Robert. But reading back on his last few days in the womb, I am now pretty certain that even if things are on their way they probably won't have time now to kickstart themselves now before the induction. I do hope though that things get going quickly and without needing the drip. Fingers crossed anyway!!
I took a belly picture today, to complete this pregnancy's gallery. I noticed before I took them that I by complete co-incidence had exactly the same top and trousers on that I had for my 36 week belly picture! So had to change the top ;)
Tomorrow is my last full definite day as a Mum of 1. There is a bit still to be done, but not a lot is actually URGENT. So hopefully... we'll be ok :)
I took a belly picture today, to complete this pregnancy's gallery. I noticed before I took them that I by complete co-incidence had exactly the same top and trousers on that I had for my 36 week belly picture! So had to change the top ;)
Tomorrow is my last full definite day as a Mum of 1. There is a bit still to be done, but not a lot is actually URGENT. So hopefully... we'll be ok :)
Wednesday 22 September 2010
37 weeks 6 days - 3 days til induction
Well 3 more days to go. The last two days I have been nesting like crazy, keeping on top of the washing up, doing loads of washing galore, changing the bedsheets, doing anything else that pops into my mind as urgent. Hospital bags still have finishing touches to add to them and last minute items. Still have to do Robert's weekend bag, and to clear out the cot which is loaded with "stuff" of various sorts.
I wrote up my birth plan, although it doesn't seem quite complete yet, it doesn't factor in as much "if things go wrong" stuff that I would like, it just doesn't feel quite finished, although it's probably fairly comprehensive.
Birth Plan
During labour:
I wish to be able to maintain ability to move around the room for as long as is possible, or to sit/stand/kneel beside the bed if I wish to.
As I practised Hypnobirthing with my first child, and have been revisiting it during my 2nd pregnancy, I would prefer that midwives and health practitioners refrain from the use of the word "pain" and "hurt", and if at all possible, I be assigned a midwife who is familiar with Hypnobirthing and natural birth. If I become too uncomfortable or have trouble dealing with the contractions I may wish to use gas and air but would prefer to do without any other medication, and gas and air only as a last resort.
I wish to be encouraged to go with my body and use that as a guide during my labour and delivery, and to be reminded to breathe downwards to my baby during delivery.
I wish to deliver the baby in as upright a position as possible, in whatever position I feel best at the time, be it standing, kneeling on the bed, supported squatting.
After the birth:
I wish for my husband Jonathan to announce the baby's gender.
I wish to have immediate skin to skin contact with the baby, and for any interventions that can wait (for example, weighing, administering Vit K, blood tests, clamping and cutting of the cord) to be postponed until after the baby's first breastfeed.
During this first skin to skin contact I would like baby to be placed on my chest, and for the baby to initiate the first breastfeed. I don't mind being given a messy baby, or the baby and I being covered by a towel/sheet if it is cold.
If any medical intervention is necessary, or if I end up having to give birth via emergency c-section, I would like my husband Jonathan to be able to be with the baby if for some reason the baby and I need to be separated, and would like to have the skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible. Under no circumstances is my baby to be fed formula milk without my permission, I have brought antenatally expressed colostrum for the baby in the unlikely event that I am unable to feed the baby straight away.
What do you think?
I was quite hopeful last night that things might be about to start on their own, having had some loose bowel movements and strong braxton hicks but have had neither really today at all. It's full moon tomorrow so hoping but not thinking it will happen before induction unfortunately. I think my ideal situation would be me going into labour naturally in the morning I get admitted for induction ;) So I don't have to worry about pessaries, ARM, drips etc. I'm feeling mostly positive about it all but there is still something niggling in the back of my mind that lightning will strike twice, but hoping beyond hope that it's just an irrational fear I have to let go of, and that positive thinking and visualisation will amount to a positive birth experience.
What probably also seems irrational is that since my friend Sarah (who by the way, gave birth last Friday morning to a beautiful little girl, Clodagh, weighing 9lb 12oz!) had a good birth experience and was able to leave hospital the very next morning, then it makes it more likely that I will have the opposite. How crazy is that?? Part of me in the back of my mind thinks that since she did, it'd just be sods law that I have another bad experience. When she told me she was having a girl, having had at that time a leaning towards girl, I had a little sinking feeling and a thought of "oh well that's that then, I'm going to end up with a boy"
Of course now I don't mind at all the gender of my baby I know that whatever I end up with I will fall headlong in love with my baby whether it has a willy or not! Haha! But crossed fingers and toes that things will work out ok, and I will get to let my baby have its breast crawl, and that I can bond with the baby straight away, would be much appreciated.
I will take a belly photo tomorrow, as it will be my last (boohoo!) and post it here. Belly photos up to 36 weeks are in the belly gallery (linked to the right) if you wanted a gander. :)
I wrote up my birth plan, although it doesn't seem quite complete yet, it doesn't factor in as much "if things go wrong" stuff that I would like, it just doesn't feel quite finished, although it's probably fairly comprehensive.
Birth Plan
During labour:
I wish to be able to maintain ability to move around the room for as long as is possible, or to sit/stand/kneel beside the bed if I wish to.
As I practised Hypnobirthing with my first child, and have been revisiting it during my 2nd pregnancy, I would prefer that midwives and health practitioners refrain from the use of the word "pain" and "hurt", and if at all possible, I be assigned a midwife who is familiar with Hypnobirthing and natural birth. If I become too uncomfortable or have trouble dealing with the contractions I may wish to use gas and air but would prefer to do without any other medication, and gas and air only as a last resort.
I wish to be encouraged to go with my body and use that as a guide during my labour and delivery, and to be reminded to breathe downwards to my baby during delivery.
I wish to deliver the baby in as upright a position as possible, in whatever position I feel best at the time, be it standing, kneeling on the bed, supported squatting.
After the birth:
I wish for my husband Jonathan to announce the baby's gender.
I wish to have immediate skin to skin contact with the baby, and for any interventions that can wait (for example, weighing, administering Vit K, blood tests, clamping and cutting of the cord) to be postponed until after the baby's first breastfeed.
During this first skin to skin contact I would like baby to be placed on my chest, and for the baby to initiate the first breastfeed. I don't mind being given a messy baby, or the baby and I being covered by a towel/sheet if it is cold.
If any medical intervention is necessary, or if I end up having to give birth via emergency c-section, I would like my husband Jonathan to be able to be with the baby if for some reason the baby and I need to be separated, and would like to have the skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible. Under no circumstances is my baby to be fed formula milk without my permission, I have brought antenatally expressed colostrum for the baby in the unlikely event that I am unable to feed the baby straight away.
What do you think?
I was quite hopeful last night that things might be about to start on their own, having had some loose bowel movements and strong braxton hicks but have had neither really today at all. It's full moon tomorrow so hoping but not thinking it will happen before induction unfortunately. I think my ideal situation would be me going into labour naturally in the morning I get admitted for induction ;) So I don't have to worry about pessaries, ARM, drips etc. I'm feeling mostly positive about it all but there is still something niggling in the back of my mind that lightning will strike twice, but hoping beyond hope that it's just an irrational fear I have to let go of, and that positive thinking and visualisation will amount to a positive birth experience.
What probably also seems irrational is that since my friend Sarah (who by the way, gave birth last Friday morning to a beautiful little girl, Clodagh, weighing 9lb 12oz!) had a good birth experience and was able to leave hospital the very next morning, then it makes it more likely that I will have the opposite. How crazy is that?? Part of me in the back of my mind thinks that since she did, it'd just be sods law that I have another bad experience. When she told me she was having a girl, having had at that time a leaning towards girl, I had a little sinking feeling and a thought of "oh well that's that then, I'm going to end up with a boy"
Of course now I don't mind at all the gender of my baby I know that whatever I end up with I will fall headlong in love with my baby whether it has a willy or not! Haha! But crossed fingers and toes that things will work out ok, and I will get to let my baby have its breast crawl, and that I can bond with the baby straight away, would be much appreciated.
I will take a belly photo tomorrow, as it will be my last (boohoo!) and post it here. Belly photos up to 36 weeks are in the belly gallery (linked to the right) if you wanted a gander. :)
Sunday 19 September 2010
37 weeks 3 days - last week
It's Sunday 19th September. There are only 6 days until I get admitted to hospital for my induction. I have so much to do but it will all come together, and this last week will fly by and I think it would be nice to have a written record of how things are going in my last week as Mummy to one gorgeous boy. This time next week I really hope I will be cuddled up with my newest little baby, having had a labour that has gone swimmingly well.
Jonathan has gone into town to buy me a birthing ball (well, Gym Ball, but same difference, only cheaper), and to buy a hard backed envelope for Robert's cbeebies birthday card (another thing to finish before next weekend!).
I have been feeling Squidge engage a few times over the last couple of days, but then notice s/he has come back out again and feeling all squashed up again under my ribs. I've been averaging well over 3 cups of raspberry leaf tea a day for 3 weeks (at one point averaging 4 but got below that a bit now), and hoping that bouncing on the birthing ball this week may help things along. I've also been trying to ensure I have regular braxton hicks in the hope that it might help things along somehow, if not start labour then at least start getting things ready.
Things have been quite squashed up the last few days, and beginning to definitely get that "heavily pregnant" feeling. Last night we were at the in-laws sorting out induction weekend plans, and we had a Chinese takeaway in the evening. Leaving Jonathan, MIL and FIL nicely satiated, and me positively bloated having had the same amount! So much so I did have trouble tying my shoe laces to go home, having had no problems for the rest of the pregnancy particularly! I have been huffing and puffing a lot lately, even after not doing particularly much, which Jonathan has said is getting a little annoying but he can understand why I'm doing it, so he doesn't complain lol! I do feel lucky in that I know I only have 1 week to go, whereas if I wasn't being induced I'd be facing up to 5 weeks to go which seems like a huge amount more!
Squidge is still nice and active, apart from one sleepy day I think on Monday last week, and I rarely notice the times inbetween his many active moments! Some are more active than others, sometimes I just feel his bum/knee gently shift position and stick out of my belly gently, other times I feel a big "bloop" movement of his bum, combined with a foot sticking out one side of my belly, plus little hand swishing movements down there as well!
I've been a little looser in the bowel movement situation lately as well, which is getting my hopes up for an induction-free labour. I remember that two days before Robert was born we went out to a restuarant in the evening, and I went to the loo after the meal and had quite a large loose BM then. I keep feeling pressure in some sense or another as well, which of course may just be when Squidge is becoming engaged, and will mean nothing. Last night I was wondering if things might be getting ready for the beginning of things, as I felt small waves of sensations at the very bottom of my bump, but then stopped, and wondered if maybe they might have been related in some way to the bloatedness earlier in the evening, or Squidge engaging.
Only time will tell! But once I have wrapped up this entry I will be going and finishing my hospital bag, and also making notes on my birth plan and getting that typed up as well. Plus a list of last minute questions to ask my midwife tomorrow, as that will be my last antenatal appointment!
Also I don't know if I mentioned it here, but Squidge now does have a name set aside for him/her in either eventuality. :) I'm so pleased that I have kept the surprise for myself for the big day, I know there are many people who argue that it is a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks, 30 weeks, or on the birthing day, but having known with Robert at 20 weeks, and not knowing with this one, I must admit there IS a difference... the anticipation and excitement not only of meeting your little baby and discovering whose nose he has, or whose eyes he has, but also the fact that you've not known all this time whether he is a boy or a girl, the anticipation for me seems to be a HUGE amount greater than it was with Robert. I just can't wait to find out whether Robert is having a brother or sister! And each day the excitement gets greater! I think that if we do have a third child, I would love to keep the sex a surprise again. I have not regretted keeping it a surprise at all, and to me, buying neutral clothes, neutral bedding, packing little white jackets and blankets does not make me feel "less prepared" as many people state as their reason for finding out, nor are we financially worse off, we have kept all of Robert's clothes, so if it's a boy, he can wear those as well as the neutral things (to give us a break of blue blue blue), and if it's a girl, then we can reuse some of the boys clothes (vests, socks etc) and keep the rest incase we have a third.
I love the way I've kept changing my mind on what I think it is... I had that huge chunk of time when I had a niggling feeling it was a girl, now I think it's a boy! I will be over the moon whatever our baby is, and just can't wait for Jonathan to tell me! (And I think he will enjoy that priviledge too, despite having wanted to find out at the scan!) I can't wait to hold my baby on my chest, feel his/her warmth on my body, and call him/her by name for the first time, and welcome little Squidge into the world by introducing them to Jonathan, my mum, the midwife by name.
I shall go now, and start doing all the things I need to get done. Finish packing the hospital bags and Robert's weekend bag, making notes on questions for the midwife and my birth plan.
I hope you all are having a lovely weekend! I will try and update this week, by Thursday at the latest with my last belly picture, and hopefully the news that all is ready, clothes are in drawers, boxes are in the loft, cot is clear, bags are packed and so on! Huge hugs to you all, I know this isn't quite the end of this pregnancy but it is drawing nearer and you have all been a fabulous source of support and comfort to me. Will update soon!
Jonathan has gone into town to buy me a birthing ball (well, Gym Ball, but same difference, only cheaper), and to buy a hard backed envelope for Robert's cbeebies birthday card (another thing to finish before next weekend!).
I have been feeling Squidge engage a few times over the last couple of days, but then notice s/he has come back out again and feeling all squashed up again under my ribs. I've been averaging well over 3 cups of raspberry leaf tea a day for 3 weeks (at one point averaging 4 but got below that a bit now), and hoping that bouncing on the birthing ball this week may help things along. I've also been trying to ensure I have regular braxton hicks in the hope that it might help things along somehow, if not start labour then at least start getting things ready.
Things have been quite squashed up the last few days, and beginning to definitely get that "heavily pregnant" feeling. Last night we were at the in-laws sorting out induction weekend plans, and we had a Chinese takeaway in the evening. Leaving Jonathan, MIL and FIL nicely satiated, and me positively bloated having had the same amount! So much so I did have trouble tying my shoe laces to go home, having had no problems for the rest of the pregnancy particularly! I have been huffing and puffing a lot lately, even after not doing particularly much, which Jonathan has said is getting a little annoying but he can understand why I'm doing it, so he doesn't complain lol! I do feel lucky in that I know I only have 1 week to go, whereas if I wasn't being induced I'd be facing up to 5 weeks to go which seems like a huge amount more!
Squidge is still nice and active, apart from one sleepy day I think on Monday last week, and I rarely notice the times inbetween his many active moments! Some are more active than others, sometimes I just feel his bum/knee gently shift position and stick out of my belly gently, other times I feel a big "bloop" movement of his bum, combined with a foot sticking out one side of my belly, plus little hand swishing movements down there as well!
I've been a little looser in the bowel movement situation lately as well, which is getting my hopes up for an induction-free labour. I remember that two days before Robert was born we went out to a restuarant in the evening, and I went to the loo after the meal and had quite a large loose BM then. I keep feeling pressure in some sense or another as well, which of course may just be when Squidge is becoming engaged, and will mean nothing. Last night I was wondering if things might be getting ready for the beginning of things, as I felt small waves of sensations at the very bottom of my bump, but then stopped, and wondered if maybe they might have been related in some way to the bloatedness earlier in the evening, or Squidge engaging.
Only time will tell! But once I have wrapped up this entry I will be going and finishing my hospital bag, and also making notes on my birth plan and getting that typed up as well. Plus a list of last minute questions to ask my midwife tomorrow, as that will be my last antenatal appointment!
Also I don't know if I mentioned it here, but Squidge now does have a name set aside for him/her in either eventuality. :) I'm so pleased that I have kept the surprise for myself for the big day, I know there are many people who argue that it is a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks, 30 weeks, or on the birthing day, but having known with Robert at 20 weeks, and not knowing with this one, I must admit there IS a difference... the anticipation and excitement not only of meeting your little baby and discovering whose nose he has, or whose eyes he has, but also the fact that you've not known all this time whether he is a boy or a girl, the anticipation for me seems to be a HUGE amount greater than it was with Robert. I just can't wait to find out whether Robert is having a brother or sister! And each day the excitement gets greater! I think that if we do have a third child, I would love to keep the sex a surprise again. I have not regretted keeping it a surprise at all, and to me, buying neutral clothes, neutral bedding, packing little white jackets and blankets does not make me feel "less prepared" as many people state as their reason for finding out, nor are we financially worse off, we have kept all of Robert's clothes, so if it's a boy, he can wear those as well as the neutral things (to give us a break of blue blue blue), and if it's a girl, then we can reuse some of the boys clothes (vests, socks etc) and keep the rest incase we have a third.
I love the way I've kept changing my mind on what I think it is... I had that huge chunk of time when I had a niggling feeling it was a girl, now I think it's a boy! I will be over the moon whatever our baby is, and just can't wait for Jonathan to tell me! (And I think he will enjoy that priviledge too, despite having wanted to find out at the scan!) I can't wait to hold my baby on my chest, feel his/her warmth on my body, and call him/her by name for the first time, and welcome little Squidge into the world by introducing them to Jonathan, my mum, the midwife by name.
I shall go now, and start doing all the things I need to get done. Finish packing the hospital bags and Robert's weekend bag, making notes on questions for the midwife and my birth plan.
I hope you all are having a lovely weekend! I will try and update this week, by Thursday at the latest with my last belly picture, and hopefully the news that all is ready, clothes are in drawers, boxes are in the loft, cot is clear, bags are packed and so on! Huge hugs to you all, I know this isn't quite the end of this pregnancy but it is drawing nearer and you have all been a fabulous source of support and comfort to me. Will update soon!
Tuesday 14 September 2010
36 weeks 5 days - the countdown
Well, now induction has been organised, we're now in the final countdown. 11 days to go! I am nervous, but I'm going to go in with a positive attitude and take things as it comes.
And to be honest, I am getting a little relieved that I do have an end in sight, that I'm going to have the baby early, as the late pregnancy niggles are now starting to come in with some force, particularly the pelvic pain. I am glad it's come later than Robert (I think at least), but I am glad that I don't have many more days (well, nights) to endure. Today was quite bad for the pain during the day as well, gone are the sitting on the floor days, getting up from the floor, or from a laying down position are bad now. Heartburn I get occasionally but is infinitely better than with R.. as such I will not be surprised to see that Squidge is bald! Swelling is minimal at the moment, thank goodness, after enduring 2 months of bad swelling with Robert, less than 11 days with this one seems like a walk in the park!
Something I was a little annoyed about is that my midwife is refusing to do a sweep on me at all.. this week fair enough I'm not 37 weeks yet. But she's not even going to do one on Monday either when I'll be 37+4. The reason being because my consultant has not expressly said give me a sweep. So the chances of me going into natural labour are soley based on Squidge now, and hopefully Squidge is just as keen to get here before induction as I am.
But either way I am eagerly packing my hospital bag, and looking forward to meeting my little Squidge, and on the next chapter. Whatever may happen at the birth, having been through one traumatic birth already I am probably a little better prepared incase things don't go to plan, especially on what to do afterwards regarding my mental welfare. But fingers crossed that the birth goes wonderfully, and that it is a healing process for me in dealing with Robert's birth as well.
And to be honest, I am getting a little relieved that I do have an end in sight, that I'm going to have the baby early, as the late pregnancy niggles are now starting to come in with some force, particularly the pelvic pain. I am glad it's come later than Robert (I think at least), but I am glad that I don't have many more days (well, nights) to endure. Today was quite bad for the pain during the day as well, gone are the sitting on the floor days, getting up from the floor, or from a laying down position are bad now. Heartburn I get occasionally but is infinitely better than with R.. as such I will not be surprised to see that Squidge is bald! Swelling is minimal at the moment, thank goodness, after enduring 2 months of bad swelling with Robert, less than 11 days with this one seems like a walk in the park!
Something I was a little annoyed about is that my midwife is refusing to do a sweep on me at all.. this week fair enough I'm not 37 weeks yet. But she's not even going to do one on Monday either when I'll be 37+4. The reason being because my consultant has not expressly said give me a sweep. So the chances of me going into natural labour are soley based on Squidge now, and hopefully Squidge is just as keen to get here before induction as I am.
But either way I am eagerly packing my hospital bag, and looking forward to meeting my little Squidge, and on the next chapter. Whatever may happen at the birth, having been through one traumatic birth already I am probably a little better prepared incase things don't go to plan, especially on what to do afterwards regarding my mental welfare. But fingers crossed that the birth goes wonderfully, and that it is a healing process for me in dealing with Robert's birth as well.
Thursday 9 September 2010
36 weeks - growth scan & cervix assessment
Well what a day...
Robert went for a nap before lunchtime, I gave him a banana to tide him over til after his nap, and he slept for barely 30 minutes (out of a usual 1.5 hour) before he started screaming the place down. When it became apparent to me that that was it for his nap, I got him up, sorted out washing, got the changing bag packed, etc, gave him some lunch.
Appointment was at 2.10pm. Got there about 20 minutes early, and finally got in for the scan. Baby's tummy was almost on the top centile line, but leg was on the 50th, can't remember the head measurement! But estimated weight is 6lb 12oz at 36 weeks exactly.
Here is my gorgeous little baby...
Went up for the fetal health appointment. It took a while to get seen as the midwife was unwilling to do the cervix assessment as I wasn't 37 weeks yet, and had to wait for my consultant (who was around) to come out and do it herself. Finally got called through, asked if I wanted the toilet then to go into a designated room, strip off down there and get under a sheet... lol at dignities going out of the window!!
Anyway, cervix assessment when she finally came in (was sat there waiting for about 5-10 minutes) was apparently favourable for a 2nd time mum, she reckons only 2 tablets will do the trick. Anyway, long story short, although I'm still not 100% happy, on my good days I'm 60-70% happy, I think if I go in there well prepared I will stand a good chance, so induction date has been set for 25th September, if things go well and quickly I may be a mum by the evening, if not, hopefully the 26th. We shall see.
But in the meantime... natural labour vibes would be appreciated. Going to order a birth/exercise ball tomorrow, and start doing everything I can to bring it on naturally. At least I know that if I do go into labour now, baby is a decent weight and should do well. And two weeks time.. well baby might still be under 8lb. I'm shocked that I might actually get my 8lber this time!
Robert went for a nap before lunchtime, I gave him a banana to tide him over til after his nap, and he slept for barely 30 minutes (out of a usual 1.5 hour) before he started screaming the place down. When it became apparent to me that that was it for his nap, I got him up, sorted out washing, got the changing bag packed, etc, gave him some lunch.
Appointment was at 2.10pm. Got there about 20 minutes early, and finally got in for the scan. Baby's tummy was almost on the top centile line, but leg was on the 50th, can't remember the head measurement! But estimated weight is 6lb 12oz at 36 weeks exactly.
Here is my gorgeous little baby...
Went up for the fetal health appointment. It took a while to get seen as the midwife was unwilling to do the cervix assessment as I wasn't 37 weeks yet, and had to wait for my consultant (who was around) to come out and do it herself. Finally got called through, asked if I wanted the toilet then to go into a designated room, strip off down there and get under a sheet... lol at dignities going out of the window!!
Anyway, cervix assessment when she finally came in (was sat there waiting for about 5-10 minutes) was apparently favourable for a 2nd time mum, she reckons only 2 tablets will do the trick. Anyway, long story short, although I'm still not 100% happy, on my good days I'm 60-70% happy, I think if I go in there well prepared I will stand a good chance, so induction date has been set for 25th September, if things go well and quickly I may be a mum by the evening, if not, hopefully the 26th. We shall see.
But in the meantime... natural labour vibes would be appreciated. Going to order a birth/exercise ball tomorrow, and start doing everything I can to bring it on naturally. At least I know that if I do go into labour now, baby is a decent weight and should do well. And two weeks time.. well baby might still be under 8lb. I'm shocked that I might actually get my 8lber this time!
Tuesday 7 September 2010
35 weeks 5 days - another hormonal blip
Friday's entry was written amidst my third hormonal blip. I hate them! I hate the fact that I cannot stop crying, and that my head is clouded by emotion and that the next morning, my head clears and I can see and feel things more clearly. I hate that during that day I feel like I don't want my baby or that I won't be able to cope with my baby. I hate the feeling that I am about to sink into days or weeks or months of feeling like that all day every day. I actually get scared because I recognise it all too well from when I was depressed as a teen (6 long months of feeling that way almost every day), and from my PND with Robert. I never had such bad hormonal days with Robert, and it scares me that they keep coming, and I just hope that I'm not having a blip on the day Squidge is being born, as I will need a calm head to relax and know what I'm doing.
I saw my midwife yesterday, and told her about my feelings towards induction, and I told her it was incredibly important to me that I have a positive birth experience this time, which she understood, but she didn't really provide any advice or compromises to help me see through the decision - maybe she feels that it would be unprofessional to do so, and not back the NHS guidelines? Or maybe she thinks it's a decision I have to make.
I must admit though, when my head is clear, I feel more positive about induction than when I'm having a blip. I still don't know if I will have one... but when my head is clear I know that I will cope, and I know there are things I can do to make it easier on myself. Mainly that being to prepare myself mentally for all eventualities, and to get myself thinking about what I would want to happen should my ideals not happen. I think doing that would give me some "control" back which so many women want and need during labour. But of course my hope is that Squidge will decide that s/he wants to make it into the world early by his/her own choice! ;)
I have a busy day coming up on Thursday. I am having my growth scan, followed by a followup appointment in fetal health to analyse the scan, and to assess my cervix and possibly book an induction date. And then after that I'll head into pathology and get them to take my 34 week blood tests (2 weeks late). I've had 3 extra blood tests this pregnancy. Getting quite used to having things stuck in my arms now. Plus all the blood with these prick tests 3 times daily.
One thing I really need to get cracking on is my hospital bag, and Robert's overnight bag. Reading up on induction, he may well need several days worth of clothes in there. I would imagine what would happen is that Robert spend a few days with the in-laws, Jonathan would probably want to be with me during the days, but in the nights unless it is seen that I will be giving birth imminently, Jonathan will probably sleep at his parents so he can spend time with Robert in the morning at least. I don't know what the policy is on children coming in during the induction process, I will have to ask that next Monday at my next midwife appointment, as by then I think I will probably have had to make up my mind either way. But if it is long and drawn out, with me being in hospital for several days BEFORE the birth... I do worry about how Robert will be not seeing me for that long. And how I'll be not seeing HIM for that long! I missed him like crazy when the other week I felt too poorly to look after him alone so the in-laws took him for the day. That was from 11am til 6pm-ish.. so it wasn't even 12 hours. If I'm away from him for 2 or 3 whole days I don't know how I would cope! So worth asking about!
Thanks for reading, and thanks Jemma, Meg and Becca for your comments on the last entry, it meant a lot reading them xxx
I saw my midwife yesterday, and told her about my feelings towards induction, and I told her it was incredibly important to me that I have a positive birth experience this time, which she understood, but she didn't really provide any advice or compromises to help me see through the decision - maybe she feels that it would be unprofessional to do so, and not back the NHS guidelines? Or maybe she thinks it's a decision I have to make.
I must admit though, when my head is clear, I feel more positive about induction than when I'm having a blip. I still don't know if I will have one... but when my head is clear I know that I will cope, and I know there are things I can do to make it easier on myself. Mainly that being to prepare myself mentally for all eventualities, and to get myself thinking about what I would want to happen should my ideals not happen. I think doing that would give me some "control" back which so many women want and need during labour. But of course my hope is that Squidge will decide that s/he wants to make it into the world early by his/her own choice! ;)
I have a busy day coming up on Thursday. I am having my growth scan, followed by a followup appointment in fetal health to analyse the scan, and to assess my cervix and possibly book an induction date. And then after that I'll head into pathology and get them to take my 34 week blood tests (2 weeks late). I've had 3 extra blood tests this pregnancy. Getting quite used to having things stuck in my arms now. Plus all the blood with these prick tests 3 times daily.
One thing I really need to get cracking on is my hospital bag, and Robert's overnight bag. Reading up on induction, he may well need several days worth of clothes in there. I would imagine what would happen is that Robert spend a few days with the in-laws, Jonathan would probably want to be with me during the days, but in the nights unless it is seen that I will be giving birth imminently, Jonathan will probably sleep at his parents so he can spend time with Robert in the morning at least. I don't know what the policy is on children coming in during the induction process, I will have to ask that next Monday at my next midwife appointment, as by then I think I will probably have had to make up my mind either way. But if it is long and drawn out, with me being in hospital for several days BEFORE the birth... I do worry about how Robert will be not seeing me for that long. And how I'll be not seeing HIM for that long! I missed him like crazy when the other week I felt too poorly to look after him alone so the in-laws took him for the day. That was from 11am til 6pm-ish.. so it wasn't even 12 hours. If I'm away from him for 2 or 3 whole days I don't know how I would cope! So worth asking about!
Thanks for reading, and thanks Jemma, Meg and Becca for your comments on the last entry, it meant a lot reading them xxx
Friday 3 September 2010
35 weeks 1 day - nothing is clearer
I feel on the verge of tears today, and have been all morning. In fact I have already shed some tears. I feel no closer to understanding anything, to making a decision, to even managing to make any sense of my feelings and how that equates to anything with regards to Squidge's possible induction.
I am so scared of the possibility that this labour and birth will not go well due to induction procedures. I feel like it is INCREDIBLY important to me that my birth experience goes well, for my emotional wellbeing. I keep thinking back to Robert's birth, and the numbness I felt towards him in the days after his birth. I tried to feel the love I was supposed to feel towards him, and I managed to convince myself I did. I keep thinking back to the ambulance trip, and the midwife telling me that it was ok to cry. But I was so numb that no tears came, no tears were able to come for several hours. And then the tears that came, I don't know what tears they were, were they tears for my son being ill? Or tears for the fact that I hadn't bonded with him? Or tears of emotional and physical exhaustion?
I don't want to go through that again. My ideals of birth I think have loosened a little since Robert was born. My ideals now are that the baby is born pink and healthy, that we can get immediate cuddles, immediate feeding. My fear with induction is that if things don't go to plan, we might end up being rushed into theatre, have an emergency c-section, and then if that happens I won't get my immediate cuddles, in an emergency section baby will most likely be whisked off as soon as he is born to check he is ok at best, and be submitted to SCBU again at worst. (well, thats not the worse outcome, but I'm refusing to think of the worst outcome here)
One thing I will do is speak to the midwife about my concerns and fears, maybe she will be able to say something to put my mind at ease or to help me in some other way.
With all this stress and worry I am so scared that even with a natural birth I won't cope very well. The idea of my baby's birth is just so upsetting to me right now, I don't know if I even want the day to come at all. Maybe an elective c section is the way to go this time round if they'll let me, I don't know :( I'm crying as I write this, I just don't know what to do or think anymore. :(
I am so scared of the possibility that this labour and birth will not go well due to induction procedures. I feel like it is INCREDIBLY important to me that my birth experience goes well, for my emotional wellbeing. I keep thinking back to Robert's birth, and the numbness I felt towards him in the days after his birth. I tried to feel the love I was supposed to feel towards him, and I managed to convince myself I did. I keep thinking back to the ambulance trip, and the midwife telling me that it was ok to cry. But I was so numb that no tears came, no tears were able to come for several hours. And then the tears that came, I don't know what tears they were, were they tears for my son being ill? Or tears for the fact that I hadn't bonded with him? Or tears of emotional and physical exhaustion?
I don't want to go through that again. My ideals of birth I think have loosened a little since Robert was born. My ideals now are that the baby is born pink and healthy, that we can get immediate cuddles, immediate feeding. My fear with induction is that if things don't go to plan, we might end up being rushed into theatre, have an emergency c-section, and then if that happens I won't get my immediate cuddles, in an emergency section baby will most likely be whisked off as soon as he is born to check he is ok at best, and be submitted to SCBU again at worst. (well, thats not the worse outcome, but I'm refusing to think of the worst outcome here)
One thing I will do is speak to the midwife about my concerns and fears, maybe she will be able to say something to put my mind at ease or to help me in some other way.
With all this stress and worry I am so scared that even with a natural birth I won't cope very well. The idea of my baby's birth is just so upsetting to me right now, I don't know if I even want the day to come at all. Maybe an elective c section is the way to go this time round if they'll let me, I don't know :( I'm crying as I write this, I just don't know what to do or think anymore. :(
Wednesday 1 September 2010
34 weeks 6 days - induction thoughts
Click back if you missed my post yesterday about Robert, or maybe click back after reading this one as it'll be something positive to end on...
Before I talk about my consultant appointment this afternoon, I wanted to write down (for remembering sake) about the dream I had last night, or should I say nightmare... I never had a dream like this with Robert, which were all about the birth, or scans, or (ahem) kinky ones... but this one I had last night was horrendous. I woke up basically on the verge of tears after I dreamed very vividly a tiger chasing and then catching, and.. well, to put it less graphically than I saw it in my dream.. eating Robert. I felt such an intense feeling of anguish and helplessness in the dream the second before I woke up, that it was all I could do not to rush into Robert's room, scoop him up out of his cot, and hold onto him for dear life. When I told Jonathan I dreamt that a tiger ate Robert, I don't think he realised just how vivid the dream was for me as he made a joke about it, when actually I was pretty distressed about it. I've heard people saying how vivid dreams can be during pregnancy but I've never experienced anything quite like that before :( I really hope that's the only vivid nightmare I have to endure...
Anyway.. consultant appointment. BP and wee fine. Baby's 4/5 palpable (or at least that's what I think the notes say, the consultant's handwriting is very difficult to read), and did a lovely few wriggles during heartbeat monitoring.
Then came the rest of it. She said to me about induction, I reiterated that if I was favourable when checked I'd agree to induction at 38 weeks. Then she answered some questions, which has left me extremely nervous (at best) about the induction. I think a closer description would be terrified.
If I'm not favourable next week (at either 35+6 or 36 weeks) then I will be left til 39+6 weeks. If I've not already had the baby by then I will most likely be booked in for an induction for the next few days then, although goodness knows if I will be able to fight it, or if I will even want to, or whether I feel like I will have to.
I do kind of feel like I am in a state of limbo at the moment, not given all the facts, or given all of one side and not of the other.. I feel a little pulled in both directions right now. The first is my overwhelming thought that I do NOT want to be induced... the second that if I am not induced I will be increasing the risk to the baby's welfare. I am absolutely terrified of another bad birth experience, I really am. Obviously I want a baby that is alive and well, but if I can possibly have a good birth experience and a baby that is alive and well, I want that (of course). But at the moment I just don't know what way to turn. I am hoping beyond hope that Squidge will take all decision making out of my hands and make his way into the world by himself early. :( I hope things will become clearer to me over the next few days, as I kind of have to make a decision by this time next week, before they possibly book an induction for me.
The only silver lining is that due to my blood test to show my sugar levels over the last month coming back at 5.4% (target 6 or under), they are happy for me to self-test and administer during labour unless my levels go over 8.0mmol.
Before I talk about my consultant appointment this afternoon, I wanted to write down (for remembering sake) about the dream I had last night, or should I say nightmare... I never had a dream like this with Robert, which were all about the birth, or scans, or (ahem) kinky ones... but this one I had last night was horrendous. I woke up basically on the verge of tears after I dreamed very vividly a tiger chasing and then catching, and.. well, to put it less graphically than I saw it in my dream.. eating Robert. I felt such an intense feeling of anguish and helplessness in the dream the second before I woke up, that it was all I could do not to rush into Robert's room, scoop him up out of his cot, and hold onto him for dear life. When I told Jonathan I dreamt that a tiger ate Robert, I don't think he realised just how vivid the dream was for me as he made a joke about it, when actually I was pretty distressed about it. I've heard people saying how vivid dreams can be during pregnancy but I've never experienced anything quite like that before :( I really hope that's the only vivid nightmare I have to endure...
Anyway.. consultant appointment. BP and wee fine. Baby's 4/5 palpable (or at least that's what I think the notes say, the consultant's handwriting is very difficult to read), and did a lovely few wriggles during heartbeat monitoring.
Then came the rest of it. She said to me about induction, I reiterated that if I was favourable when checked I'd agree to induction at 38 weeks. Then she answered some questions, which has left me extremely nervous (at best) about the induction. I think a closer description would be terrified.
If I'm not favourable next week (at either 35+6 or 36 weeks) then I will be left til 39+6 weeks. If I've not already had the baby by then I will most likely be booked in for an induction for the next few days then, although goodness knows if I will be able to fight it, or if I will even want to, or whether I feel like I will have to.
I do kind of feel like I am in a state of limbo at the moment, not given all the facts, or given all of one side and not of the other.. I feel a little pulled in both directions right now. The first is my overwhelming thought that I do NOT want to be induced... the second that if I am not induced I will be increasing the risk to the baby's welfare. I am absolutely terrified of another bad birth experience, I really am. Obviously I want a baby that is alive and well, but if I can possibly have a good birth experience and a baby that is alive and well, I want that (of course). But at the moment I just don't know what way to turn. I am hoping beyond hope that Squidge will take all decision making out of my hands and make his way into the world by himself early. :( I hope things will become clearer to me over the next few days, as I kind of have to make a decision by this time next week, before they possibly book an induction for me.
The only silver lining is that due to my blood test to show my sugar levels over the last month coming back at 5.4% (target 6 or under), they are happy for me to self-test and administer during labour unless my levels go over 8.0mmol.
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