First clothes

There is some great news on Robert today! He's out of the incubator and also off the fluid drip! We dressed him for the first time. He is however taking some formula via tube, as taking milk by cup is rather exhausting for him sometimes.

His crying is getting better and he does seem to be getting more sleep.

Breastfeeding is going okay. I don't know how much mummy milk he is getting but my little champ is doing so well in getting used to taking the breast. I can't believe he's only 3 days old! Sometimes he looks really much older and it does feel like it's been ages since he was born. But when I'm holding his little body next to mine and staring down at his tiny lips and nose, watching his little eyes look around inquisitively, he seems so small and helpless and my chest seems to swell with protectiveness and love for him.

I can't even begin to express how happy and proud I felt when this morning he latched onto the breast without a struggle and began feeding straight away, and stayed there for 35 minutes!

I did have a bit of a tough time earlier though just before lunchtime. The midwife with us was being very patronising and pushy about his feeding routine and I ended up getting very upset over it. Jonathan went down and talked to her about it after I'd told him what I was feeling and came back with what she said. That and a chat we had later with a younger midwife made me feel a lot happier.

It doesn't help I suppose that I'm dealing with tiredness, hormones and separation from my little man. I think also all the visitors we've had recently has exhausted me. That and having to reply to umpteen text messages a day from several people asking how Robert is today. Jonathan and I are going to try and get people who want updates to contact someone else instead of me so we only have to tell one person instead of 5 or so. My mum and sister in law have both sent me texts yesterday and today asking and it's just quite tiring (and expensive!) to keep replying especially as I have too much to say to fit on one message!

Anyway the only thing I can do at the moment is to take one day at a time and hope that one of these one days will be the one where we get to take our son home! x

38 weeks!!! New glasses, and shopping in MK for baby bits etc

Ahhh! I have my new glasses! I am so pleased with them! I can seeeeee! People who are more than 10 meters away don't have blurry faces! I can read the TV screen! I am soooo happy and it makes such a difference!

On the other hand, I got quite worried today - while out in Milton Keynes (without notes or hospital bag) I experienced almost non stop braxton hicks! They've calmed down now I'm at home, but it was quite worrying! It made me wonder how I'd feel when I do actually go into labour, and I think I will become very excited when I do go into labour, because it will mean I will meet my little Robert so soon!

Had another one of those left-sided pains as well. I think they must be ligament pains, nothing else they could be really as they're just on one side. But we got lots of nice stuff - as well as getting bits for Robert (sheets for the matress, ermm.. well ok maybe bit), we also got some books for how to look after newborns, a matress protector (initially for me, then later for Robert), some presents for Ewan as it's his birthday soon and then christmas, and also some front opening nighties for me. We spent a fortune as usual.. ho hum!

Oh and we also stopped by that woman's house for the baby clothes and the bouncer/beanbag. We've yet to look through all the clothes, but there's a lot. :)

Anyway, I'll take a belly pic tomorrow, as it's late now and the light isn't good. Take care!

37 weeks 3 days - sooooo pregnant, tmi bodily functions, parentcraft class tonight

Oooof. I just feel so pregnant. I have lost count of the amount of times I went to the toilet between going to bed last night and getting up this morning. And each time I got back into bed I felt like such a beached whale trying to turn over one way or other to get comfy. My belly is HUGE. I was almost considering taking an early belly picture yesterday. When you look dead on to my belly now it LOOKS pregnant, rather than just a load of flab. I have that pregnant belly button look. The one where it's not popping out (yet), but it's almost flush with the rest of my belly. And boy... has he got lower! I'm sure he has! And yet at the same time his feet have not! He must be growing for Britain in there for his feet to stay the same place and yet move down. Another thing thats making me think he's gone and moved is the fact that I must have peed about 6 times during the night last night. More pressure on the bladder and all that.

He has still been a wriggly chappy. Which I'm very pleased about. Last night he kicked me in the ribs, hard enough for me to cry out. But I don't mind too much. :) I'm still loving his movements, as they are such a wonderful source of reassurance and joy for me :) Even if he's quiet and I feel him move only slightly at various points during the day, I often find myself wondering if he's still ok, or if I imagined the movements. I've not been keeping track of them on a day to day basis really. That might be something I do with the next baby so I can see if I can spot patterns.

TMI of the bodily function variety in this paragraph
Some things I've noticed lately that I've not mentioned in here, is that the last week or two I've been quite sniffly and snotty. And coughy. Not really in a fullblown cold type way, but if something makes me cough, I can hardly stop and it's just sooo painful. Well, quite painful and annoying. And (sorry for TMI) I'm very very mucussy from my nose. Some mornings I'll blow my nose and the amount and the consistency of it is just... weird. The consistency being stringy and almost unbreakable. Now also, maybe it's related to my sort-of-cold-like-symptoms, or maybe it's pregnancy related, I don't know, but my bowel movements are softer than usual as well. Not always VERY soft, but soft enough to *ahem sorry* come easily, and then smear. (Sorry! I just want this on record for next pregnancy! Haha!) My poos have changed consistency a LOT during the pregnancy. At one point they became almost like larger rabbit droppings that floated. That lasted a long time, practically all the way through second trimester and a bit into third. Now they're back to normal length and consistency (aka they don't float) but are soft. Anyway enough about poo and snot! Haha. Ahhh the pleasantries of pregnancy!
TMI over

Right. Well tonight we have a class at the local hospital - I think it's the parentcraft evening. I'll also phone up the lady who had the baby clothes and the baby bouncer and beanbag, to see if she still has them, and if tonight will be a good time for us to come and get them. If not I can say we'll go this weekend.

I cannot believe I will be 38 weeks pregnant this Saturday. Where has the time flown to? I cannot believe that I will soon be holding my precious baby boy. I sometimes ache so much for him to be here. But then I also think "well, at least the longer he's in there, the longer we have to be us two, and get everything we need to do done." My life will so suddenly become full and busy, I don't know if I'm properly prepared for that. But in the same way it's something I've been waiting for for a long time, for my life to be full and busy.

Anyway, I need to go now, put on my support tights before my feet swell too much. And then get busy phoning the woman, phoning the surgery (need to get next week's antenatal appointment set up), doing the washing up, repacking Robert's hospital bag, etc etc :)

37 weeks 2 days - thoughts on more pregnancies, sorting out Robert's clothes

Last night I decided to go through all the clothes we have for Robert, take them out of their packaging and sort them all ready. After I'd finished with the newborn things we'd bought him yesterday, I went through a pack of 0-3 month sleepsuits we had left out (not packed in his hospital bag) and I can't believe how HUGE they are. Poor little thing, he'll be swamped in them when he's born! (Unless he's a 10lb-er like his daddy was) As I was taking out and looking at these tiny little bodysuits and sleepsuits, and hats and socks and mitts, I just melted and all the scared feelings I have been feeling about how close it is just went away. I held up teeny tiny sleepsuits against my tummy, marvelling at how something that big could be in there. I still can hardly believe that this thing I feel prodding and pummeling and squirming around will be so big when he is born. I guess part of it is so hard to believe because I'm overweight, and a large amount of my expanding tummy is actually hidden inside me, whereas on a slimmer expectant mum it would be all out front, a huuuuuge tummy where you can easily imagine there's a newborn sized baby in there.

I am so excited and happy to think that Robert will soon be with us. Yesterday he has been so wriggly and pokey it's been lovely. And he's the same so far this morning. I am loving his movements, small yet definite and strong. Sometimes I think to myself that I won't miss pregnancy, that it's something I will go through again to have a brother or sister for Robert, because although my pregnancy has been uncomplicated, it's had its fair share of niggles and annoyances. Although maybe by the time I get pregnant with a little brother or sister for Robert, I will have lost some weight and I won't have the extra pressure of being overweight. But I am so happy that I have managed to experience this, that it is something I am able to do, that both me and my husband are fertile! And even if I won't miss the heartburn, swelling, aches, pelvic pain, etc.. I will so miss the squirmy kicks. I'm sitting here now, feeling his hands and arms brush around inside me and I just ache for him to be in my arms, to have his little fingers wrapped around one of mine. But if my intuition is correct, I still have another 2 weeks before that will happen!

Pregnancy is definitely beginning to get harder. I may try and wear the support tights most days, they did a fabulous job with controlling the swelling on Saturday. Yesterday I ended up with bad swelling again, and Jonathan came in and gave my feet a massage without me even asking him! It felt so good and lovely. :) Sleeping is getting harder again. I don't know if all the walking on Saturday brought on mild pelvic pain again, but between a slight twinge when I try and turn, and get up from sitting/laying, sleeping is getting hard again. That and the feeling that my belly is getting bigger by the day, and the feeling that Robert is becoming more engaged, I just feel so huge and ungainly. Walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night, if it was recorded, could be a highly paid clip on "You've Been Framed" if I didn't sleep in the buff! Haha.

Right, I will leave off here I think. Thanks for reading! xxx

37 weeks 1 day - Uneventful trip (phew), weird intuition on Robert's birth-date, getting ready!

Well the trip to Thorpe Park went nice and uneventfully. It rained a LOT while we were there, although not until a bit into the afternoon. I queued up with everyone for the Nemesis Inferno, and then just walked through and waited on the other side. I couldn't even go on the Teacups ride! But got a bit of time to talk to people I'd never met in real life before, which was great. :) We did end up going home around 4pm, after waiting around for an hour after getting separated from what was left of the group (who were actually in a queue for 2 hours! Ouchie), which was a bit of an anti-climax to the day but overall I did enjoy it. :)

Today we went into Northampton to go and buy some newborn clothes for Robert. Going through the ones we had I realised all we did have for him were 0-3 months except for 2 little body suits and his snowsuit (which we also went to exchange for one in 0-3 months so it would last him all through winter). We also got some bath bits for him, a little rattly toy and a water-pad toy thing he can slap with his hands.

I am suddenly feeling as though his arrival has loomed upon us all of a sudden, now it's November, I feel he could really arrive any day, and that thought is a little scary! But exciting!

Something I found a little weird and unnerving today was when we were in the car, driving to mothercare, I heard on the radio someone advertising the release of an album or something. The date of the release being 17th November. For some reason, I heard this date and just instantly thought in my mind "That'll be Robert's birthday!" Which was so odd - has anyone else had feelings like that before? That their baby will be born on a particular day? It was just such an immediate and intuitional feeling it caught me by surprise!

Anyway, we're all nearly ready entirely for his arrival, still need to finish up in the spare bedroom, but we're getting there, it's nearly all cleared out. We just have a few boxes left, and a few piles of things that need to be sorted out and boxed up. And another bookcase to be made.

Anyway, congratulations to Becca! Her baby boy James was born yesterday morning, and I'm sure her big boy Matthew will be an excellent brother! So thrilled for you Becca, congratulations!

35 weeks 5 days - BP down, cheap baby clothes, more irrational worries

The waterbirth information evening was interesting. However it was a waste of almost an hour for some poor woman who came in, and then towards the end asked if she could use the pool as she'd previously had a cesarian section (the midwife leading the session had towards the beginning said what conditions had to be met to be able to use it, including being full term, not on certain painkillers, etc but not mentioned cesarians), at which point the midwife said "no, sorry." So the woman got up to leave as at that point there was no reason for her to stay. I felt sorry she'd sat through all that for nothing.

What Jenny had told us about hospital led sessions about labour etc was true, talking very much about pain relief, so I tried my best to let that go in one ear and out the other. She then showed us a video of a water birth, which I thought was ok (I was expecting screaming and stuff or at least something more horrendous generally than I'd seen during the hypnobirthing classes), but afterwards, one of the pregnant women there said "I don't want to give birth now!" when the midwife asked if there were any comments. At some point the woman on the video cried out "Jesus Christ!!", presumably as the baby was crowning. But that was it really... *sigh*

Anyway. My BP is down to normal again, although the nurse that took it seemed very flustered and as though she wasn't very organised... And she used a bigger band to take my BP, and started off using her finger to take my pulse, and then switched hurriedly to using the stethoscope. But I shall wait and see what happens next wednesday with the midwife home visit.

This morning I also on a whim phoned a number in a newspaper advert, the classifieds, which was advertising big bags of 30+ items per bag for baby boys clothes. The newspaper was from June this year, so I wasn't holding my breath for them to still be available, but the woman did still have a bag of 0-3 month old clothes, and a bag of 6-9 month old clothes, which we can get for �10 a bag! She said she also had a baby bouncer and a baby beanbag she wanted to get rid of, both in good condition for �20. Bargains! It's a bit of a journey - 1 hour 20 minutes there and back, but will probably be worth it! Kettering Hospital, where we are having the various classes is about half way along the route, so it might be worth stopping by after the class to pick them up then.

Onto other news/revelations: I am beginning to wonder if Robert can really be classed as an "active" baby. I thought he was quite active, and he does indeed at times have extremely active moments, but lately, he does seem to be not very active. I'll feel an occasional foot sweep around the top of my bump, and the occasional light brushing feeling of a hand moving around "down there".. but big squirms seem to be very few and far between. And I have no other frame of reference to know whether he is in fact average, under average, or over average on terms of squirminess. All I know is that I look out for movements of any sort, and as long as I feel several a day I don't worry too much.

It does petrify me the thought that after such a long time of getting to know the squirmy little thing inside me the thought that something could happen... inexplicably, and he could be still born. Something like that happened to someone on the forums I read recently. Someone was due middle of October, and her baby died around the end of September, born a couple of days later. So sad... and I wish I wasn't the sort of person to dwell on these things. When someone lost their baby at 20 weeks (due same date as me), I was convinced it may happen to me too, and I was so scared. Now I'm reaching the end of my pregnancy, it's like the worry is still there, like it will never go away. I'll probably be the sort of mum to rush upstairs every 15 minutes to check on her sleeping baby to make sure he's still breathing.

Anyway, I'll leave off for now. Hope you're all having a fab week.

35 weeks 4 days - One month to go!

Ok. I now officially have ONE month left (give or take a couple of weeks) of carrying this child. And with it is coming an attitude change. I'm fed up of being fed up of all the little pregnancy niggles. So I am going to ENJOY this last month of carrying my son. If my feet start to hurt, I'm going to lay down with a good book and enjoy it, or lay down and watch some tv or dvd series, and enjoy it. If I have heartburn, I am going to take some gaviscon and then do something else so I forget about it. I am going to relish the moments I feel my son wriggling inside me and poking his feet and elbows and hands around. If he punches my bladder several times in a row, I won't complain, I will cherish his movements as it means he is getting stronger and healthier ready for his arrival into the next phase of his life.

Aside from that, we are going to be preparing like mad for Robert's arrival. I have a big list of everything we'll need for the baby and for me. I've marked off what we have, deleted what we won't want (blackout curtains or shutters for example, we will try our best to do without them - and also make-up for if I need to go into hospital! haha, I remember the exact day I last wore make-up... 7th May 2005 - my wedding day), and left uneditted what we don't have yet. There's still a big list, mainly toiletry type things, but also a comfy chair for night feeds - although we do have some chairs in the spare room from when we didn't have proper sofas. We have practically all the clothes it reckons we'll need for a newborn... our 0-3 month and 3-6 month and so on supply is a little less, but I guess there's always time. I will have to browse ebay a lot and see if people are selling stacks of boy clothes cheaply. I saw a couple of ads in a newspaper this last weekend gone, but looked at the date on the newspaper and it said June, so they've probably already gone.

Something I think J and I have decided is that maybe we do need the convenience of disposable nappies compared to the cheapness/cuteness/environmentally friendliness of cloth nappies. It's always something we can go onto at a later stage once we're used to parenthood.

Anyway, we've put a load of dates down in our calendar to attend some drop-in classes at the local hospital. The first one is tonight, and it's on water births. We're also going to the early parentcraft evening, breastfeeding workshop, and errr... something else I forget what.

I was thinking earlier, most of the couples at the hypnobirthing classes have probably already had their babies. I was the woman least far along, although there was another couple there only a few weeks ahead. Most were between 28-34 weeks when the classes started, whereas I was at just under 24 weeks. I do wonder how their births went. When I email Jenny (the practitioner) to let her know how my birth goes (went?), I'll ask after the others too.

Anyway I'll sign off for now, I'm feeling much more refreshed after a decent night's sleep. I did start to feel like my left leg was going to start hurting again but I just blocked it out and went to sleep. I got up several times for the toilet as usual, and on one of them my heartburn was quite bad so I went and took a small spoonful of gaviscon and then went back to bed.

My right leg seems to be fairly good now - swelling wise. Last night it was about the same size as it was when I got up. But my left foot/ankle was quite swollen. I have a followup appointment with a nurse to check BP and urine again today so we'll see what happens. I'll try and leave early, so I can sit in the waiting room for a while. Maybe practise some breathing exercises to relax myself.

Anyway, tata for now! xx

34 weeks 2 days - midwife app later, yesterday at the in-laws

Yesterday we had a long (but lovely!) day over at J's parents. Went over for lunch time, where we also saw Naomi (J's sister) and Barbara. Then had some tea and J's dad opened up his birthday presents from everyone (it's his birthday today). Barbara left shortly after that, as she lives in the same village it's only a short walk back for her, and then a while after that Naomi also left to go and pick up her fiance from the train station. One of the presents J got his dad was some external hard drive thing for the computer, which he then spent the next few hours setting up and installing things, etc, inbetween which watching the Formula 1 (I'm ashamed to admit I got into it a little while they were out of the room hahaha!). Anyway we ended up staying until about 9pm.

But Robert got some pressies too! Betsy (J's mum) had crocheted a white blanket and a blue jacket for him, and had bought from the market she has a stall on every week a couple of sets of knitted boots, mittens and hat, one in blue one in white. Something we were wondering about since we know what's going on with my parents is what they wanted to do about when Robert is born, and they said they'd come up as soon as they're called (time permitting!! haha) to come and see him. Which made me wonder what Mum had in mind if Robert decides to come into the world at some lovely hour like 4am...

Anyway, Jonathan decided to surprise me last night as we got into bed... no, not in that way! Hehe! No, he told me as he had Friday off, he'd taken today off too! Which I'm really excited about, because it means he can come to the midwife for the first time since the booking appointment!! He hasn't heard Robert's heartbeat yet! It's today at 3pm, so plenty of time to save up my wee. And as it's 34 weeks, she might talk to us about home birthing protocol and stuff. I'm actually getting really excited about giving birth. I know not a lot of women say this, they are usually scared shitless, it's something they "have to go through" and "get it over and done with". I'm so happy I'm not in that mindset!

I'm also glad, I've had fairly good nights sleep the last couple of nights. I *think* I only got up once last night for a wee, which is great! :D Ended up having a long and strange dream, possibly connected to the fact I heard from a friend I'd not spoken to since school back in 1999 or so via Facebook last night.

But I think I'm getting a cold. I have had several coughing fits this morning while in bed (and laying horizontally always makes them feel worse), and then a bit later on, I sneezed. Now I don't work in the Nursery I'm pretty much ok for colds, and get them very rarely. I think for the three years I worked there, I had pretty much a constant cold to some degree or other, which I'm sure Alice will attest to from Arthur going to playgroup and coming home ill each time!! But I guess with around 130 different children coming into the Nursery each day, it wasn't surprising (65ish in the morning, and 65 in the afternoon).

Anyway, I'll leave off here, and probably update later after the midwife appointment. I'm looking forward to seeing how I'm measuring again, if I'm still bang on or if he's had a growth spurt, or what. :) And also seeing if he's still head down. If he is, he'll have been head down for at least 6 weeks! I think he is still head down, Im fairly sure I'm still feeling feet up by my ribcage. And punches furthur down, some of which have been quite violent and made me jump! Hehe. He did about 4 of those while I was at the in-laws, it kept making Betsy giggle. Ok, well I'll update in a few hours, keep well, hope your weekends were good!

31 weeks 2 days - weekend ramblings for the most part

31 weeks! (and 2 days) I can't believe how close it's getting already. These past 7 months, oddly, have gone by so fast, and yet so slow. If that makes sense! In that it feels like time has whizzed by since I was 12 weeks pregnant and seeing Robert on that scan monitor for the first time, and yet it does feel like I've been pregnant forever. And yes, wow, it is exactly 2 months until my EDD!

This weekend has been a little hectic. Friday, Jonathan came home early from work, due to his flexitime scheme. Later in the evening I got all hormonal and weepy because I couldn't remember the last time he told me I was beautiful. So he sat down with me and hugged me and told me that he did think I was beautiful, even if he hadn't said it a lot lately. And he did also put his foot in it with something he said, but I decided not to dwell on it too much and put it down to him not thinking about what he was saying. But overall I did feel better and was glad he came over and was with me and gave me the affection I felt I really needed. And I think to be honest it was the first time I got overly weepy and hormonal so far, I think I've actually been pretty good, apart from crying easier at sitcoms and romcoms. (like crying when Chandler beat Mike at table tennis in Burmuda when Monica hurt her hand - wtf is up with that?? lol)

Anyway, Saturday we went to Aylesbury to do more stuff with the flat. We got there for just about 9am, because the carpet fitters were coming to do the hallway carpet (the red and yellow flowery carpet didn't really go too well with the lilac walls we did a few years ago). We also did some cleaning. I didnt actually do a lot, I'm finding it hard to stoop and lean over as much now. I did the insides of a few cupboards, emptying one that was full of cat food, cleaning products, etc. Then I cleaned the salloon style kitchen doors as they were so dusty it was crazy. Jonathan scrubbed the floor in the living room, which had got paint splatters all over it while we were decorating. Then after the carpet fitters had gone, we cleared out all the junky furniture in the bedroom - a hand-me-down bookcase which was falling to bits, a hand-me-down sky blue chest of drawers which was still ok but meh, was old and dated, and a hand-me-down desk type thing that we used for a bedside table. Took them downstairs, Jonathan demolished them, and then we loaded up the car with old scraps of furniture and also the old carpet from the hall, and some old rugs which we didn't want anymore. Went down to the tip, and were expecting to sit in a queue for about half an hour as usual, but it was almost completely empty, went straight into the tip, just sat waiting for someone to leave for their space, and we were in! When we got back, we loaded up the car with all the rest of the boxes from the loft (how on EARTH did we manage to fit so much crap into our tiny one bedroom flat???), which literally did fill the entire car, but now we know, we have everything at the new house! I took a nap on the sofabed (last thing that'll need to go down the tip), and we finally left Aylesbury around the time we usually ARRIVE there to do stuff in the flat - around 2pm.

Yesterday, J was going to do his finances, but I was beginning to get desperate for some new maternity clothes - the trousers I've literally lived in for the last 7 months have got holes in, paint stains on, and despite my best efforts to keep them clean (and find something else I can wear while they are washing and drying) are a little smelly. :S So we went into Milton Keynes to do some shopping. J is getting a little antsy about the amount of money we have spent since moving - apparently we've not had a single month where his salary has paid off all the bills and his credit card bill.. eeep. What with all the new furniture we've needed, and so on.

But anyway, we still have quite a lot of vouchers to spend, we had about £50 for Marks and Spencer, which we successfully spend on some maternity wear for me - a pair of 3/4 length trouser/jeans things - a little snug around the thighs, and only a tiny bit of room growth left, but if I scrunch them under my bump it'll be fine. Also a looooooverly stretchy blue 3/4 length sleeved top, which goes alllll the way over my bump and then some, and is soooo flattering! And then a black cardi thing (apparently maternity! But doesn't seem very fitted) which will be great in the winter over some little tank tops I have which would otherwise bare my belly! Haha.

We also had £20 in Woolworth vouchers, so we mooched around there to see what we could spend, and decided on 6 ceramic pebble-shaped placemats for our new table. Which came to £21 but was cool. They were quite heavy and J was moaning for most of the rest of the shopping trip! (We got them first lol) Although bless him, he didn't moan constantly, just every now and then ;)

We did look around John Lewis for maternity wear, but they didn't do any. We had quite a hefty amount of vouchers to spend there, but no luck. However, they have a HUGE baby section! And I spent a little while in there cooing over the gorgeous little dungarees and suits and other boy clothes. Hehe!

Finally I said to J, I really wanted some new trousers like the ones I have at the moment, but without holes (haha), so we we went to Mothercare. Now if anyone has been to MK shopping center before you will know that Marks and Spencer, John Lewis, and Mothercare are all over the damn place, and it's friggin huge. I went to the loo in JL, but for some reason, I've been peeing LOADS the last few days, and by the time we were walking to Mothercare, I kept feeling my bladder getting squashed, and it was getting increasingly uncomfortable, but I knew that when I went, all that would come out would be the tiniest trickle and I'd still feel like I'd need to go about half hour later. So I just dealt with the discomfort. By the time we got to Mothercare, I was feeling exhausted, and then my bump started to feel uncomfortable, and odd... in a way I can't really describe now. I kept having to stop and put my hand on it. I was wondering if I was getting Braxton Hicks contractions, but then they felt nothing like the plain "tightening" sensation I've had before that could have been BH. So I'm a little confused. Anyway, we looked around Mothercare for another pair of trousers identical to the ones I had on, but no luck. Took some other "lounge" trousers to try on, but they were both like leggings, and not at all what I wanted. (Severely unflattering for a start!!!) I found a top that looked like it would look nice, and tried it on, and it did. :D Then I asked J to go and find me a pair of trousers in 20 long if he could, and he came back with some, I tried them on, and BINGO they were perfect! Although I could see them being waaaay too loose around the belly if I'd bought them a few months ago, because on their "tightest" setting, they fit me PERFECTLY now! And there's still tonnes of growth room left in them! Zips down the sides, with stretchy material between. Right now they fit great with the zips closed. And sooo flattering, it makes my bump look great! Anyway, we went to pay for the nice black top and the trousers, and the lady spent ages putting them through, there was some problem or other. Which wasn't great as I was still feeling iffy, and in the end, put the bags I was holding down, and leant forward onto the huge pile of boxed up trikes by the till, which made me feel a little better.

There are still a few things I want to get - which we didn't have time for, like new pillows (our ones are gross - really disgusting), maybe some matching coasters for our new tablemats, and there was something else which has completely flown out of my mind in the last 3 minutes. Doh. ;)

Anyway I know this entry has been long and rambly, and for the most part not about pregnancy, so well done if you've managed to read it all! Hehe. I had some odd dreams last night, oddly not about you know what, like usual, but instead the main bit was about us being in Church, winning £95,000 while we were in there, and then coming out to find our car (along with most of the others in the carpark) completely gutted - emptied of EVERYTHING of value, including windows (lol) and seatbelts. But I also remember being excited (in a different dream, unrelated to the church/car thing) that Alice was pregnant at the same time as me. Not that she knows yet, maybe it's a sign that she is? Who knows! The signs look promising. Although if she isn't, and her period comes afterall, I know I'll be disappointed, but eagerly awaiting the next month's updates! Hehehe.

Hope you're all okay chickies xx

22 weeks 2 days - weepy hormoney entry, Robert's journey so far.

What to say! First off, I had a nice time over at the in-laws, we showed off the mountain of bits we got for Robert at Mothercare to them! We got some bedding, a wall thermometer, some sleepsuits, some bodysuits, socks, booties, a pack of white essentials including hat and mittens, other bits and bobs, either blue (yay!) or white, or cream, or cream with green/yellow. But my FAVOURITE bit we bought at Mothercare has to be THIS gorgeous snowsuit! I could practically weep looking at it! I just cannot wait until November just so I get to wrap up my tiny Robert in that gorgeous gorgeous suit to take home! The hormones certainly kick in whenever I look at all the gorgeous clothing we have bought for him, and find myself with tears in my eyes. I opened out one of the tiny blue bodysuits we got him, and it's just so tiny and adorable, I did almost burst into tears. When we were walking around the shop, we saw this giftset and I just really really wanted to get it! But we decided not to, because we might get sets like that when he's born from family and friends.

Anyway, enough rambling about clothes! Jonathan felt Robert kick again last night. Shortly after the kick he felt, Robert kicked twice more in fairly quick succession, but Jonathan didn't feel them, probably because the kick had moved slightly, and I think it was under J's fingertips rather than his palm or the length of his fingers. Jonathan is just so in awe of them, and he seems so excited to be a daddy. I knew from even before we got together that he'd make a wonderful father. He's just such a wonderful, sensitive, and caring man. Goodness, here comes the hormones again!

I just feel so lucky to have both a wonderful husband and be 22 weeks pregnant with our first child. All the years I spent worrying I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, and then when we were finally ready to start trying, the worry that I wouldn't be able to conceive for months on end. That first month where we started trying half way through the month and didn't get pregnant. Followed by the delayed period over stress... followed by practically a whole month of trying every other day, at the end of which we moved, and then on a whim, on day 32 of my cycle, taking a test and seeing the faintest of faint lines, not daring to hope incase it was all wrong. Two days later getting a stronger line and feeling over the moon! Followed by several tough weeks of tiredness, hunger, slight queasiness, and faith and hope. Then getting to see our little Sausage finally at 12 weeks pregnant! Hearing the heartbeat 4 weeks later at week 16, starting to feel little movements from within. Hearing it again at around week 20 to ease worrying after no movements for a while. A week or so later the movements started up again, but turned into little "bubbly" kicks! Then at just before 22 weeks seeing our little Robert Sausage again, and his daddy feeling his kicks too.

The three of us have already been on such an amazing journey, and we're barely past half way until we meet our tiny man, and get to hold him in our arms and nurture him, and care for him! He has been part of our lives since FEBRUARY, even though we didn't know he had started his amazing journey until a few weeks later. I cannot believe how much I love this little man already.

22 weeks! Birthday, plans for today, etc

Good morning girls! (just)

My birthday went quite nicely. Well after Jonathan got home anyway, before then it was a bit samey, but he got home, then I opened pressies, he got me some nice lush bubblebath bars I dropped a hint on a while ago, and I was SO surprised he remembered! He also bought me a cake tin (hehe) because I was saying how I kept getting urges to make cakes but as we don't have a cake tin, we can't. Also, he found that step thing that had been advertised on tv I said I could do with - the one from JML that folds up and gets put in the cupboard easily. The only thing is, I'm nearly at the weight limit for it :( So I might not be able to use it for much longer since I will gain a lot more weight by the end of the pregnancy, and it will take me over the 100kg - (I'm literally just under it now - between 99 and 100kg). Also got some DVDs and some choccies, and a maternity pillow, that I can use in bed and while sitting during pregnancy, and while breastfeeding! Ingenious things! :)

After presents, we decided we'd go for an early dinner, and there was a Frankie and Benny's right by the cinema in Kettering, so we thought we'd go to the cinema afterwards. Anyway, we ended up having loads of time after the meal before the movie started, so we went back home inbetween, and then came back for the movie, at which point we had real trouble finding a parking space. Doh! But yeah, the meal was soooo nice, we had potato skins to start, then I had an absolutely delicious chicken dish, which is on this page but I can't link it directly - it's the mozerella and pepperoni stuffed one. And then had brownies and cream for dessert. The film we went to see, Hancock - was brilliant! A bit of action, a lot of comedy, and also some nice romantic bits in it too, awww. :)

I also when we got back sent another facebook message to my sister, because it seemed that when I apologised for how much I yelled at her on the phone, she took it to mean I was apologising for what I said as well, which I wasn't, since I was still annoyed that she told my dad for me, but just that I should have waited until the morning before yelling (or not actually yelling, but talking more civilised) at her. And yes, I was more upset at my sister than at my dad, and while I understand she only did it because she was so excited about getting another nephew, she's 24, and should be able to control her emotions by now lol.. but yeah I don't know the exact reason I was crying because of the phone call from my dad, whether it was because I was upset that he was upset, or upset because I wasn't the one to call him, or upset for forgetting he was not working very much, or upset for not sending him the text (which by the way didn't say the sex in it, just "We know what it is!" so I don't know if he thought I'd sent a text saying "It's a boy!!!" to everyone except him). Or maybe just a combination of all of them. To be honest I don't even know if my sister actually told him the sex, or if he was just annoyed that he didn't get a text message, or if he was annoyed that he obviously didn't get a call before her. Anyway, what's done is done, and there's no need to dwell on it furthur.

Today, if the weather holds out, we are going for a picnic, probably, or if not, I've suggested that we go out shopping for some things for Robert :) Or maybe we could do both! But I would like to go and buy a few little bits for Robert I think because all we have for him clothing wise is the three babygrows my dad got us from France. Size 3-6 months ;) So we'd need to at least get him an outfit for the hospital and trip home, etc, and possibly just a set of normal baby grows etc to start us off. And it would be lovely to get some nice blue stuff to umm and awww over! ;)

Anyway, will leave it here, but just before I go I will say that Jonathan felt Robert kick again last night, although it wasn't as strong, he said it just felt like my belly shaking a bit, like when you laugh. The kicks he felt the night before my birthday were a lot clearer, so I'm guessing Robert wasn't in as good a position this time!

Hope you are all well! Until next time!

Ok, small edit, we're going to do some weeding and spare room sorting today, as the weather's quite windy, although dry, and then tomorrow we're going to head over to the mothercare in Northampton ready for opening time, buy some bits for Robert, and then head over to the in-laws for Sunday lunch, who live in a small village just a few minutes out of Northampton. So a nice productive weekend hopefully. :)

18 weeks 3 days - photos, breastfeeding issues

Thanks for the notes and comments about my new belly pic. Can't wait til it gets EVEN bigger! ;)

Anyway, this is going to be a short entry today, but I thought I'd post pictures of the 3-6 month baby clothes my dad got us from France. Gosh, I can't WAIT to get cute outfits in the right colours! Especially cute little pink things if Sausage is a girl! Anyway, here goes, they're all rompers/baby grows, whatever they're called!

The last one I think I probably wouldn't use much if Sausage is a girl, with so much blue in it it does look like a little boy babygrow rather than a little girl one. But they're all so cute! Oh my gosh, I feel like I just can't wait to meet Sausage, and put him/her in gorgeous little clothes, and snuggle with him/her, and just take in every single thing.

I looked up on google last night when kicks can be felt from outside, since J seems very keen to feel the baby kicking. The other night, I felt my tummy, and I could feel it really hard under my skin. The uterus is right there, and just feels so hard. Anyway, I said "ooh, feel this Jonathan" and he comes up quickly and just lays his hand over where I motioned, looking all expectant, and I said "no, prod it, it feels really hard there" And his face went all crestfallen and sad and said "Oh, I thought the baby was kicking.." Poor J! Anyway, from what I've managed to find out, it will probably be another 6-8 weeks before he can feel baby kick, which is a bit of a shame, that it's so far away especially since I can feel baby move in there.

I was thinking about it a bit, and I reckon that the movements I can feel are actually Sausage rolling over in there, or generally big "change whole position" movements, rather than kicks or jabs with his/her little arms or legs. They don't really feel like jabby pokey feelings at all, and I think the fact that I can feel the movements only every so often makes me think they are movements s/he tends to do only every now and then, and the thought of rolling over, or full body twists or whatever sort of match how I'd imagine it to feel with what I am actually feeling.

I just find it really bizarre, I hold up a measuring tape to my tummy, with the length charts and baby development websites reckon s/he is at now, and I think how HUGE that is, especially seeing as that's CRL not full length from head to toe, and why the movements I feel aren't HUGE to match! I do feel so lucky, generally. I love feeling those movements, and wish they could come every few hours, every day!

And a revelation I had in the last few days, while thinking about it, was rather odd.. one of those things you will read and think "well, duhhhh!" because of course it seems obvious but it didn't really occur to me before. And that is how amazing that even NOW, with a baby INSIDE me, and part of me, how much of an individual it is! I can't control what Sausage does, if s/he moves, or anything really. All I can do is take care of myself, and hope that Sausage is getting all the nutrition and food s/he needs. And I'm so glad that Sausage takes nutrition from my body without a regard for mine, so if I don't eat enough calcium for the two of us, for example, I know that Sausage is at least getting what s/he needs, so it will be me that goes without first.

Something else I looked into yesterday on the internet was the issue of alcohol and breastfeeding. I do miss the occasional drink, like a glass of wine, or whatever. Or a smirnoff ice as a cool refreshing drink. And I was thinking "Jeez, I'm not going to be able to drink until Sausage is weaned!" but anyway, on a whim I decided to google it, and found several sites which say YES you can have the occasional drink while breastfeeding, as long as you're not too intoxicated to drive, you'll be fine to breastfeed. Or make sure that you wait 3 hours or so after a glass of wine before breastfeeding, make sure to prepare ahead of time and express some milk for baby before you drink. Which is such a relief that I won't have to completely abstain from drinking once I've given birth as well. Although they do recommend you wait until the baby is 3 months old before you drink as if some is still in your breastmilk, only a tiny bit of alcohol can tax baby's liver. Whereas after 3 months, a baby's liver is usually a lot more mature and can metabolise alcohol the same as an adult's liver can.

I read some yahoo answers about a woman who asked about breastfeeding and drinking alcohol, there was some reply from someone saying "you may as well just fill up baby's bottle with wine and give it to her"... and another from someone saying "How irresponsible! I can't believe you're even asking this..." and things like that. And then there were the well researched and thoughtful answers which were similar to the paragraph above. Someone even replied to the not so thoughtful answers with "You can't compare a glass of wine with your meal to an all-night bender on the town" which is true. The woman who asked the question was referring to the odd glass of wine or half pint of beer with a meal, not going out on the town 3 times a week and getting plastered. Ah well, as long as you're responsible with it, don't get intoxicated to the point you can't take care of a baby (which 1 glass of wine with a meal shouldn't do), and wait for the alcohol to leave your breastmilk as it does with your blood before breastfeeding, there's no reason to do it.

On another matter to do with breastfeeding, one of my online friends was talking about an encounter she had in public. (She's 20, not pregnant and doesn't have children) She was sitting near a woman who was breastfeeding her baby. Another woman comes up, and tells this breastfeeding woman she shouldn't do that in public. So my friend says to her "You know, if that baby was screaming because it was hungry, you'd be the first to complain as well, so leave her alone" At which point the complaining woman left in a huff, and the mother thanked my friend. It reminds me of an advert I came across on youtube (linked to from a facebook group). If I am blessed enough to have a plentiful milk supply and able to nourish Sausage with only pure-mummy milk, I will do it whenever and whereever s/he needs! Anyone who tries to tell me off, or make me move is going to get an earful!

Hmm, seems this entry ended up not as short as I thought it would be. Ah well! Hope you're all well, and thanks for reading.