Parenting

Something I have been trying to do as Robert gets older, and more "himself", with his own views and wishes and wants, and the challenges that brings, is to try and parent him in a way that first and foremost keeps the following in mind with everything I do. To teach by example. I will say outright that I do not always manage to do the following, but I do try, and attempt to keep it in mind for the next time. If I want him to learn not to shout indoors, I try and not to shout at him. If I want him to learn not to snatch something from another child (or an adult), and to ask first, I try to ask him if I can have something, and not to take it off him. If I want to teach him to say please and thank you, I say please and thank you appropriately to him.

It is all too easy sometimes to see yourself as a person in authority, who does not need to treat his underlings with the respect he wants to receive himself. And I find myself falling into that trap too sometimes. I perhaps find myself thinking "I am the parent, and you WILL give me that now" and snatch something out of Robert's hands.

Something I am better at, and remember most times, is to say please and thank you to Robert. I remember my parents reminding me all the time "say please!" "say thank you!" And it's something that is hard to refrain from, you want your child to be polite and to be seen to be polite. And perhaps sometimes it's easy to think "if I don't tell my child when to say please and thank you, they will never learn when to say them".

I have rarely asked Robert to say please and thank you, at least not in the kind of way that has the added bit of guilt laden in to the request. I don't force him to repeat a "please" or a "thank you". Instead, whenever I ask for anything from him, I say please, whenever he gives me something, or does something I ask, I say thank you. And if he wants something, and says for example "boat, mummy!" I will say back to him "You would like the boat? Boat please, mummy!" and sometimes he will repeat "boat please mummy", sometimes he won't, but I will give him the boat, and praise him if he did say please.

He is now spontaneously saying please and thank you appropriately some of the time, without us telling him to say it, or modelling to him at the time. And it makes my heart swell every time he says "dee doo Mummy" after I've given him something, or done something for him. He is still little, and when he doesn't say please or thank you, he is not being rude, he's just being a toddler, who is still learning about life.

As the months roll on since Christopher was born, Robert is gradually learning about sharing too. Christopher is of course too young to be annoyed or upset if Robert takes something away from him, but Robert, seeing me hold a rattle in front of Christopher, immediately wants to play with it himself, he comes up and tries to take it off of me. I have been asking him calmly (while holding onto the toy tightly) when he does this, to "please not snatch, why don't you find a toy you want to play with?" and make a suggestion. And he is now beginning to let go with minimum fuss to find a different toy.

As the years go on, I'm sure my parenting issues will be much more difficult ones than snatching and manners, but so far I'm pleased that I have slipped into a way of parenting that seems to meet my ideals and work. Even if I don't always manage to do it right, it's an ongoing battle sometimes to let go of the ways of parenting that are familiar to you (ie, that you were brought up with), and to go with how you feel inside.

My two boys give me so much joy and laughter. Robert, while he is becoming his own little person, and gaining awareness of himself and his wants and needs, and learning to express them, is so cheeky and adorable with it. He comes up with little phrases that are so cute and funny. If Jonathan goes to do something that Robert doesn't want him to do (for example, gets up to go and get something and stop playing with him), Robert will say "oh, NO, Daddy..." with such a reproachful tone of voice!

I love that little guy so much, I find myself missing him when he's in bed asleep in the evening, and thinking how I can't WAIT to see him in the morning!

This is him before his haircut.



And then just before Christmas I gave him a haircut as it was getting rather long! I got the clippers out, boy it took a long time to get through all that hair!



Such a grown up little boy :)

And his baby brother, who is so happy, gives me the biggest smiles and the most gorgeous coos.





My two gorgeous cheeky little boys, how I love them so!