I can't believe I now have a 2-year-old. Although he is only a couple of days older than he was before he was 2, just knowing that he's reached that milestone makes him seem older in my eyes somehow. He is so grown up, and I know I keep saying it lately, but him talking more and more, which somehow wonderfully co-inciding with his second birthday, makes him even more so!
Every single day lately I am marvelling at his speech, his confidence, and his joy that I am understanding more of what he is trying to get across. Even in these last few days some of his pronounciations have become clearer and more like the words they are meant to be. "Please" has, since he started saying it, been pronounced "izz" and usually repeated several times, so "izzzizzzizizz". Today, when he asked for milky, or tv, suffixed with "please" it has been "ease". He is now regularly joining several words together to say what he is thinking about, seeing, doing or wants. "Mama eat oooma" was one of the things I heard today, meaning "Mummy eat satsuma".
His new verbalising is providing me with lovely and amusing insights to his world, finally getting a clue what he is thinking about while he is playing with things. This morning, he was walking around upstairs with a dustpan he found, touching it to the floor several times, and saying "gig, gig, gig, gig" meaning "dig dig dig dig" so he was either using it like a spade, or pretending to be a digger!
I really would rather do a big birthday post once Jonathan has uploaded all the photos from Robert's birthday, but while we're on the subject of Robert's talking, I'll mention that he got several train birthday cards. Robert is VERY into trains right now, and I would have attempted a train cake had I been braver ;) One of the cards he got was a HUGE train card, which was the shape of a train, and while yesterday he was infinitely more interested in his presents, today, he enjoyed playing with his cards, especially this large train card. He was telling me regularly about his "igg ain gard" (big train card), and enjoyed driving it along the floor, bouncing it on his new trampoline, and opening it like a "gook" :)
It is all so sweet!
He is also so comfortable with Christopher, and has accepted him so thoroughly and wonderfully. He is such a lovely big brother! For the most part, Robert will play by himself and not notice Christopher or interact with him, but occasionally he will ask for him, and want to cuddle him, or show him a toy, or if he cries in his bouncer, Robert will go up to him and rock it, or start talking to him. Today I was holding Christopher on my knees while I was sat on the floor, and kissing his cheeks. Christopher was obviously hungry, as he latched himself onto my lower lip and began sucking away. Robert saw this, came up to me saying "Broo-ah iss" (Christopher kiss) gave me a kiss, and then gave Christopher a kiss, and then wanted Christopher to "kiss" me again!
I sat down to feed Christopher, and Robert clambered up next to me to nurse as well. I'm so pleased that he is still enjoying nursing, I think it has really helped him to bond with Christopher, and accept him, and I know there are a lot of people out there that think that nursing a child past the age of one is a selfish act on behalf of the mother (women force their toddlers into nursing afterall, way beyond the time a child actually wants to nurse.. *rolls eyes*), and in some respects there probably are selfish reasons for me continuing to nurse Robert. One being that it makes my life easier, with regards to settling Christopher into our family, the ease of not changing things. Another being that it will probably be helping my weight loss (1 stone down since Christopher's birth so far!). And probably the one most people think of that mums continue to breastfeed, I enjoy the closeness and the cuddles. Robert is now so independant, even if he hurts himself and needs comforting, he rarely actually gets comforted by cuddles. Sometimes the only way to calm him down is to distract him and get him playing again. Nursing is one time he willingly comes up to me, lays down with me, and we get that physical closeness and quiet time.
It's been 2 years today that I first breastfed Robert. I think in some way Robert's birthday will always be a little bittersweet for me because it will bring back memories of what happened, and remembering that I didn't actually hold him properly until he was over half a day old. It's one of those things that will be around forever, I just hope it won't taint the day for me. One day I will hopefully find peace in it all, that it was just the way my little boy was destined to come into the world, maybe to make us appreciate him all the more, to make us more thankful each day for him. The "what ifs" in the first day swallowed me up. Now, the what ifs make me feel worse when I actually think them, knowing who Robert has become, and what we would have missed out on. But at the same time so thankful that if that was the way things were meant to be, we were still meant to be his parents, meant to bring him up, and he is here with us, delighting us each day. Maybe the key to acceptance is just acknowledging that things happen the way they happen, everything is for a reason. Maybe Robert's birth happened that way to show us how strong he is, how special, and to help us appreciate him all the more. And to prove to us each year that his birthday is an amazing reason to celebrate, not to get swallowed up in the "what ifs".
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