So... here I am in our new home. The move went great! So smoothly, with a removal company. :) They were quick, professional, and made everything soooo much easier! They ran up and down the stairs with huge heavy boxes we'd packed full of heavy stuff!
We're getting there, with the settling in. We don't have a lot of furniture we need yet - namely the wardrobes and chest of drawers and things we've ordered. But that should be arriving in a couple of weeks. And the sofas should be arriving in May some time. But... we still NEED bookcases and cupboards for the living area. And then.... we also need garden furniture for the garden, and a barbecue. Oh, I can't WAIT til the summer, when we're sitting out in the warm evening sun, eating a delicious barbecue. It's everything I dreamed of when we were at the flat!
We've finished the kitchen and the bathroom stuff (well, everything we have with us at the moment - our parents still have stuff they're holding for us, which we'll be getting on Saturday). We've got the computers set up, and the TV (although the consoles have yet to be sorted). In our bedroom at the moment we have suitcases lined up laying on the floor in front of the bed (well, on the opposite wall) which are sorted into categories - underwear, Jonathan's clothes, and my clothes.
This morning, I was 32 days past the first day of my last period. So I finally caved and took my first pregnancy test of the month. Unfortunately, I'd already had a wee a bit before, so it wasn't the first wee of the morning... but.... I think....
I MIGHT be pregnant! I looked at the test... and I SWEAR I can see the faintest of lines... It is soooo faint, but I'm SURE it's there. Just. Haha! But then I went for a wee later on in the morning, wiped, and it was pink :( I don't know what that means (if anything). If I am pregnant, I'll be about 4.5 weeks pregnant at the moment - any thoughts? I know Alice had the whole scary bleeding in her last pregnancy, and here little Nathan is, fine and well (and looking SOOO gorgeous and plump already!) but wasn't that furthur along? I can't remember very well at the moment, and I can't look it up because at the moment we're without broadband, so I'm typing this in OpenOffice writer, and will be copying and pasting it this evening when I can connect to the internet via Jonathan's phone.
I don't really know what to do now. Last month I kept getting BFN after BFN but no sign of my period. This time, I see what I pretty much think is the faintest of lines (and after 8 or 9 BFNs last month I think I can tell the difference between NO line and a very faint line), but then get a tiny bit of pink spotting. But I don't want to get my hopes up... as I took the test I was thinking to myself - it's going to be negative - I'm going to get my period in the next few days. And then after it dried out.. and I looked, and saw that line.. I'm so excited that right now, inside me could be the beginnings of my own little bean, or peanut, or sprout hehe ;) I have no idea what I would call him or her while he/she is growing... my sister-in-law called hers �Haggis� haha! (No, she's not Scottish, she lives near Chester)
What's also exciting, is that if this IS real.. (part of me is reluctant to cling on to hope - in case I am imagining the line, or if something goes wrong) he/she will be born around the end of November - the same as my nephew Ewan was last year!
I am going to wait a few weeks before telling my family, so this is a bit of a big secret! I want to surprise our families with a little present of a picture of the first scan in a photo frame for each of our parents :) The first scan is usually at 8 weeks, right? Goodness, where did I put that pregnancy book I bought about 2 months ago??
I am still needing to think right now that I'm imagining the line... there's nothing I can really do to make the line stronger but wait... I need to convince myself that I'm going to have my period in a few days, which is why I spotted earlier. So that when it comes, I won't be disappointed. Damnit, maybe I should forget the photo frame idea... if I am pregnant, and if I wait for a few days and test again, and it's stronger, maybe I should take the opportunity of my parents coming to see us in the new home to give them the news... My mum is coming up on Saturday with her partner Dave, and Jonathan's parents, Betsy and Steve are coming along the same day (since Dave and my mum haven't seen Betsy and Steve since our wedding almost three years ago!). Dad and his wife, Caroline, are coming over on Monday. What do you think? I'm so impatient at times, and my excitement does kind of get the better of me in a lot of cases which makes me blurt things out haha :) Although, here I go again.... acting like it's a sure thing that I am pregnant... * slaps self * You're NOT pregnant Nicola... you're imagining the line... * breathes deeply *
Edit: I keep looking at the test. I can't help it. It's like I'm either afraid I'll look at it and that line I keep seeing will disappear, or perhaps if I keep staring at it, it'll get stronger. I can't wait for Jonathan to get home and tell me he sees it too... Alice: You've used those cheapo tests before right? (well, I did follow the link from your page when I bought them last year) Any line on them no matter how faint means positive right? Part of me just DOESN'T want to believe it. But part of me inside is leaping and screaming "You're pregnant!!! You're going to have a BABY in your arms before Christmas!" Part of me is thinking - do I test again first thing tomorrow? Or shall I wait til Friday? I heard an advert on the tv just now for ClearBlue digital tests that say "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant" on them... making it easier to know even in early pregnancy. I can't believe it... will I have to change that header image to say "Nicola's Pregnancy Journal" so quickly already?? It seems just so surreal that something that starts out as a line on a little strip of cardboard will so quickly turn out to be a human being. Whenever I read in Alice's pregnancy journals about things like "Bean is now one inch long" or "Bean now has fingernails" it never really occurred to me that one day, in my own body, this would be happening... I guess part of me believed that I would never get pregnant, that somehow I would be incapable of getting pregnant.
But... I can SEE the line... I've picked up that test about 20 or more times today... and every single time I've managed to see the line. I need to find a new doctor....
I have no maternity clothes.... my bras I have at the moment do not fit me properly even now... pregnancy scares the hell out of me... but at the same time, I'm reaaaally looking forward to it! When does morning sickness kick in? 6 weeks? Goodness I hope I don't get it lol :) I was beginning to wonder even a few days ago whether I was or not, because I had to wee about 4 times during the day we moved house. And then I got such awful back pain, which I assumed was because I was moving some boxes around. But it was SO. Bad. I was screaming in agony whenever I moved an inch, I think I really scared Jonathan with it... :( I know if he'd been how I was, screaming in agony, I'd be worried like hell for him.
I've not done a lot of unpacking today � not since I did the test. I've done a load of washing, chatted to our next door neighbour, watched some TV... and in between all that, looked at the test! I told Jonathan about the pink spotting, he said "Isn't it possible to bleed a little while pregnant?" I can tell he'll be sooo supportive about everything.
Right now, I just need him to come home, and tell me if he sees the line too!
Another edit: He saw the line but had trouble, and thought it might have been just the slight discolour of the different material in the stick. And I had another bit of spotting, browner this time, and getting a little worried about it :( Trying not to think about it, but at least it's helping me to remain more negative heh :S
No comments:
Post a Comment