31 weeks 3 days - HORMONES! Arghh!

Well yesterday saw another BLIP in the old hormones level. I had a horrendous night's sleep which didn't help, due to newly acquired suspected thrush! First time having it, boy this baby doesn't like to give me an easy time of it! Now, despite the heartburn, swollen ankles, SPD, I am thinking what an EASY time I had of it with Robert!!! Well last night's sleep wasn't all to do with thrush, part of it was due to Jonathan. I was already awake-ish when he came to bed, due to suspected thrush, then he woke me up more... then he fell asleep and started SNORING arghhhh! Then Squidge decided that was a good time to wake up and start playing football and gymnastics with my insides. So I had sleep from 8pm (went to bed early as I was sooo tired with no nap!!) til 11pm, then I was awake from 11pm til 3.30am-ish. I was NOT impressed when I looked at the time!! Went downstairs to get away from the freight train next to me, and despite loud ticking clock I managed to get to sleep, until I was woken up at 5am when Robert started crying. Went back upstairs, climbed into bed next to the quieter train (due to also being woken up by little mister), and promptly fell asleep until proper waking up time at 7ish.

So yes, not a brilliant night's sleep, but probably better than some I have tolerated in the past!! But having been tired before hand anyway I really could have done with the 8pm-7am unbroken sleep that I was aiming for!!! So yesterday I was a bag of tiredness, itchiness, painfulness, and generally fed up to my hind teethedness, and at one point was curled up on the bed with J and R downstairs, crying into a nightie with such emotional pain that it made me draw my knees up as high as Squidge would allow. Jonathan came up after a while as I was going into the bathroom for some tissue, and seemed horrified and worried to see me in such a state.

While I was on the bed I did feel like just BAWLING as loud as I could but didn't want to because of Robert downstairs. I only remember one other time feeling that intensely, strangely enough it wasn't around Robert's birth, the tears came easier and quieter somehow then. It was when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me over the phone, in the middle of my teenage depression, while I was in school. Everyone was in lessons, I skipped my double maths lesson and just walked around the school field bawling my head off, not caring about how loud I was because there was no-one else around.

But anyway, yesterday. I went and hugged Jonathan as best I could with banister in the way and bump, and he did the sweetest thing he knew what to do. "Do you want a cup of tea?" I think I might have laughed at that point, he knows me too well to know that sometimes there are no words he can say, no real comfort he can bestow on me at that moment in time, sometimes all I need is to get back to normality and know that he cares, and that's his way of showing it. So he told me to come downstairs, and that he'd make me a cup of tea. I still felt like any moment fresh tears would erupt but the "bawly" moment had passed. Robert was getting on with playing with his cars on the carpet (MUST get him a road mat!!).

The afternoon went well, and I got a decent amount of sleep last night, so despite itchiness, fed-up-ness regarding all over the place blood sugar readings etc, I felt less tired and a lot less grumpy!

Something that seems stronger in a good way lately is the ferociousness of my love towards Robert. I look at him so often during the day, just look at his sweet face, and my heart fills up with love and I just think to myself "I LOVE this boy so much!" He is really no trouble at all, he is such a good sweet boy, who is showing more thoughtfulness and cheekiness and lovely scrumminess each day! Today I almost burst into happy tears when we got ready to go out (to toys r us, to buy him a sandpit!) and we told him we were going out, so he stood up, grabbed his big yellow monster truck (first thought: he was going to ignore us and carry on playing!) and went and put it in his car box! Then went and found some more cars, and put those in his box! We hadn't asked him to put his toys away but he just did it, went around and found all the cars on the floor, and put them away! (he missed one on his table which we took with us for him to play with in the car) I was so proud I can barely describe it!

When my dad called earlier this evening, Robert was still up, so after talking to him, I asked him if he wanted to talk to Robert, and well he can be shy on the phone! If asked to say hello or goodbye he simply waves and doesn't say anything! So I suggested to my dad that he ask him some animal noises. Robert can't resist making animal noises when someone asks him! So that way they get to hear him on the phone and he gets to hear them. Another good way to get him to talk on the phone is ask him to repeat words he knows. Car is a good one "Gar!!", as is zebra and tractor (pronounced breh-bra and braah-bra respectively! Very similar sounding! Both with very elongated R sounds in both parts!) Tiger is "Gie-gah!", banana is "nya-na". Another funny one is garlic, which he pronounced "Gar-yar" or occasionally "gar-lar" (he's seen me sat peeling garlic before which is how he's picked that up!)

He does do his best bless him and it's so sweet hearing his little words with his limited sound abilities. I'm pretty sure he's getting the hang of a very select few 2 word "sentences". One, mostly by habit, we ask him to repeat it, as he has a big blue car upstairs that he plays with in the morning, being "woo gar" (blue car), and the other which seemed to come entirely spontaneously today was "dada car" (daddy's car)

Something that melts my heart is the way now if he is still awake when Jonathan gets home, he hears the door open and close, stops what he is doing, looks at me with a questioning look, and says "dada?" at which point I can't help but laugh and say "yes, daddy's here, he's coming up the stairs!" and if he's in the bath he will sit and stare at the door until Jonathan pokes his head around, at which point he grins and says "Dada!", or if he is on the bed with me reading, or in the middle of pre-bed milky, he will climb off, run to the stair gate, and yell "DADA!" as he watches Jonathan comes upstairs. :) It must really make Jonathan's day coming home to that :) Robert loves his daddy so much! Apparently yesterday while I was catching up on sleep Jonathan took Robert out, and during their trip out apparently Robert seemed to miss me and ask "mama?" which is so sweet :) But then he says "mamam" for satsuma as well so maybe he was hungry and wanting some fruit haha!

I love my little boy so much :)