36 weeks 4 days - midwife home birth checkup and antenatal, J's birthday

Ahh ok, midwife has just left, but will talk about last night first and then the appointment later.

Since I don't work and any money I spend Jonathan essentially pays for, I decided instead of "taking him" out for a meal, where he would essentially pay for it, I thought I would do something that showed a bit more thought. So I planned what I would cook, check what I needed, and I actually bought a lot of the stuff at tesco on the Saturday. I cooked him a meal (that actually turned out very nice!!) of garlic chicken, stuffed with cheese and onion, wrapped in a rasher of bacon.. with a creamy garlic mashed potato, veg and creamy cheese sauce (which I made from scratch! Go me!).

He came home shortly before I'd finished cooking, so I made him go and find some nice romantic music hehe. :) Then on the table I'd put a vase of flowers, a candle, two posh glasses to have a non-alcoholic fruit juice cocktail I'd made in, and we turned out all the lights and had a lovely candlelit dinner. :) It was delicious (if I say so myself! haha), and was so nice. :) Then I asked him if he wanted some dessert, and went out and got a cake I had made earlier in the day, lit a candle on top, and brought it out. :) The music was still playing so I didn't sing happy birthday. The cake was nice, but it wasn't as fluffy as it could have been - I needed to have whipped it some more, but ah well. :)

Then afterwards he opened cards and presents from other people that were hanging around, and then after that, the ones from me (which weren't actually that exciting, he said he needed new shirts so I bought him several new shirts). Then we watched his choice of film (Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels). By the time it had finished I was actually very tired, I hadn't really had time to nap at all during the day. So while he was watching Dead Set - the Big Brother zombie thing - I went upstairs, caught up on a few emails and then after J came up we went to bed.

So a very pleasant evening :)

Anyway, onto the midwife appointment she came for a visit to talk about home birth and stuff... She said foremost that I have to be between 38 weeks and 10 days overdue to be considered for a homebirth. Otherwise I'd have to go in. So it's not the 37 weeks I'd heard elsewhere... oh well. She went through all the protocol, about transferance, about some limitations with the community midwifes and depending on who was on call etc. Something I wasn't too pleased about was that she said "if someone else is giving birth and there's not enough on call midwives to come out to you, you may be asked to go into hospital." I didn't say anything to Bev but at the hypnobirthing classes, Jenny told us sometimes they do do that, and a midwife had told her off the record that if a person was to say under those circumstances "No, I'm staying put, you'd better send someone to me" they'd have no choice but to find someone to send out to you.

She also mentioned about Vitamin K, and they were saying how it's either given in oral doses spread out over a couple of months (!) or in an injection within a few hours after the baby is born... I'll have to do more research into that I think because I don't feel comfortable having my 2 hour old baby having a needle stuck into his leg, like the transition isn't hard enough for the wee little things!! So if I was to give it to him I think it'd be orally.

One thing I did like was that she acknowledged the hypnobirthing we'd been doing and she said the midwife would try not to say much at all to me unless it was necessary.

Anyway once all the homebirth talk was over, she started on my antenatal. BP and urine fine again, I told her about the swelling I'd had in my ankles and the trips I had had last week to the GP. Then she felt my tummy, Robert's still head down, not only that but he's 3/5 engaged!! He measured 36 weeks again which is back to normal but he's also engaging, so wow, yeah. :) She checked his heartbeat, and I was surprised, it was so fast! Much much faster than I've heard it before, but Bev said it was normal, it was 160 bpm, and constant over the time she listened.

I mentioned to her also that I've been getting a few days where he's quiet a lot of the time, and then a few days where he's very active, she said as long as I'm getting 10 movements a day it should be fine. I've not actually been counting his movements. Ooops!

Anyway she said my next appointment I'd have to go down to the surgery for (bah), which is in a couple of weeks. She said she'd also pop by next Wednesday to drop in a home birth pack ready for the midwife who comes when I'm in labour. So very exciting! Lets just hope that Robert lets us have the home birth I want for him!

36 weeks 3 days - Jonathan's birthday, lots of sorting to do! :)

Jonathan's had to go to work today because he's got no more time off work this year (he's taking two weeks off as paid holiday for when Robert is born, as the statutory paternity pay is a huge pay cut for him and he'd rather take the time off as holiday than paternity). But this works out well for what I've got planned for him, as I can sort it out while he's at work today, ready for when he gets home! :)

Yesterday I didn't really get off my feet at all, and paid the price... ho hum. So today I must remember to take breaks if I can at all (should be possible as I'm up already, already had breakfast, and ready to start), so I'm not in pain for when Jonathan is home.

Of course the timing of a certain high street shop with J's presents will be important, but hopefully as long as they're not too late - ie before about 5.30pm - it'll fit in ok. I was actually quite pissed off with them yesterday, I got an email saying that "one or more" items were out of stock and had therefore been deleted from my order (!!) they didn't say which one(s), and didn't even say on my website account with them! I had to compare the dispatch list to the list I printed out to work out what was missing :S And also, for supposedly one of the biggest high street shops, you'd expect their communication on when things get delivered to be good... I got an email saying my items had been despatched, but not when their date of delivery would be.. I assumed since they were despatched on Friday I'd get them by Monday latest. But No... I had to sign in to the online account I made with them, and look there, which I wouldn't have done if they hadn't mysteriously gone out of stock with one of J's birthday presents! You'd think they'd mention on the despatch email the date of delivery too... *sigh*

So yeah was rather miserable yesterday on finding that out. But it's a new day, so I'm feeeeeeeeelin' goood! (Haha that song popped into my head, one of the X factor contestants sang it on the last programme)

Just sent J an email ready for when he gets into work (although he may have already got into work), saying that I hope his day doesn't seem too long but at least he has tonight to look forward to ;) So he knows he's not been forgotten ;)

And then tomorrow morning we have the midwife appointment. I am wondering how big little Robbie will measure then! Maybe still 2-3 weeks ahead, or maybe more! If more, I'll be measuring 40 weeks! Haha. :) I think I am bigger than I was 2 weeks ago so I'd be surprised if he's measuring the same (and therefore on target) as last time.

Part of me is hoping I'll be early, because I am feeling more and more big. It doesn't help there's a bunch of boxes on the landing ready to go up in the loft, and the position they're in means that I have to squeeze past them with my big baby belly... my bottom sliding past the bedroom door frame, my belly sliding past the boxes... argh! ;) Maybe I can persuade J to put them up in the loft first thing tomorrow morning before the midwife is due to come.

Also if I am early it'll mean the gap between Robert's birthday and Ewan's will be furthur apart, meaning having grandparents over for birthday parties won't be an issue. Although I have no saying over it, if Robert's birthday ends up on or right near Ewan's I'm sure we'll work things out. It'll probably end up like my mum will be over with us and my dad will be over with Ewan. It seems that way anyway judging by how they're already acting. Plus my mum has said to me she doesn't really feel like a grandparent to Ewan, and that she'll probably feel closer to Robert. It's kind of how I feel as well - Ewan doesn't feel like my nephew. I don't get updates on him, I don't get phone calls (since whenever I do phone they're always busy, trying to settle him, have visitors over, etc etc - so I leave it to them), I wanted to know more about Nicky's pregnancy with him but she wasn't interested on telling me. As sad as it might sound, I feel closer to the children of the diarylanders I read than my own nephew.

Ah well, time will tell what happens I guess.

Anyway, morning is stretching on, and I need to get sorting! Oh, and excellent timing, the delivery has shown up :)

36 weeks 2 days - swelling update, hypnosis, braxton hicks (lack of!)

It's J's birthday tomorrow, and I'm still waiting on an order with his presents to arrive! Arghh! Apparently they were dispatched Friday afternoon, so I'd damn well hope they'll arrive today! Got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, what with the surprises I have to prepare for him. Although he may have an idea what they are since we went shopping yesterday and there were some "odd" items on the list! Hahaha! But I won't spell it out since I think he did read my diary yesterday and he might again today! You'll have to wait until Wednesday before I tell you. Hehehe.

I'm feeling quite chirpy lately. Even despite having to get up last night for peeing, heartburn AND suddenly getting a sicky feeling in my throat. Heh. But I am loving Robert's squirms. It's strange, on the november forum I read, someone was saying how her little one hiccups lots too and she doesn't like it, and how she will miss his kicks and squirms but not the hiccups. I was thinking lately how although the hiccups sometimes do annoy me (the constant blipping feeling down in my tummy can be very disconcerting!), I do still like them (not as much as kicks and punches and wriggles), and I will certainly miss them. But sometimes they are nice reminders that he is in there and still ok (!!) even when he doesn't feel like wriggling.

I am terrified beyond words that I could lose Robert before he is born. Of course losing him at all would absolutely devastate me, but to not be able to hold him and watch his tummy rise and fall, to watch his precious face sleeping, or looking around with beady inquisitive eyes. I just hold on to each and every movement he makes, every kick, every punch, every stretch and squirm, every bout of hiccups. And treasure each and every one.

About the swelling - I am trying to take it easier lately. Although some days I don't lay up most of the time and therefore I do get balloon ankles by the afternoon. It's a lot less often I get pains in the sides of my feet from walking on puffy feet/ankles, and if I do get them, I go and lay down immediately. I'm trying to drink more too, even though it means I go to the toilet over 10 times a day. But the short of it is that I'm coping with it. And I'm thinking less about it too, and letting it get me down less.

I'm now definitely onto the thinking about getting the house sorted. The back room is still quite messy. We have the changing table up and stocked full of nappies, and wipes, and powder, etc. The next job for me will be to sort out a hospital bag (Can't be too careful!!! Although I am hoping for a home birth there's no saying that I won't have to go in! Either because of special circumstances that arise during labour, or because of premature labour. If I go into labour this week I will have to go into hospital!

That's another thing thats worrying me. People are talking on the November forum about how they are getting really strong braxton hicks all the time now. And for me, I get nothing! Well, occasionally I feel like my uterus has tightened up, but apart from me feeling it with my hands, I cannot tell! I don't get any outside sensations... I'm absolutely terrified I won't actually KNOW when I'm in labour! Unless of course the labour sensations are stronger than my braxton hicks if you can call them that. Maybe it will take me a little while before they start becoming stronger, as most of the November women are due before me (as they would be really, with me being at the end! Haha). I guess I wait and see!

Oh! Something I didn't mention last entry was that Jonathan put on one of his new albums he got for his birthday - a Sarah McLachlan one. Some of the tracks were - odd... and rather upbeat, but as we were listening, he would skip over those ones. The other ones were lovely. And after a while of sitting next to J and listening to them, I realised that I had managed to put myself into a really deep hypnosis (without even trying!). I was aware of the songs, aware of when Jonathan skipped a song, but I was sitting there, my arms flopped down beside me, my legs outstretched onto a beanbag in front of me, and they just felt like lead, like I couldn't move them even if I wanted to. My feet tingling, my face and body so relaxed. It was lovely! Exactly the state I need to be in when I'm in labour. It took me ages to be able to shake my body into being able to move and get up. One thing I remember though is that even just sitting there I did feel very parched - so J really will have to make sure I'm getting enough liquid.

Ahhh I am really looking forward to it!! I'm so glad to say that I am! :) Not least because I will get to meet my sweet squirmy little boy! Ahhh I can't wait!

36 weeks 1 day - inlaws idea, getting ready!

Getting to be quite excited now about seeing my little man, I know it may well be as long as 6 weeks away, but it could be as little as 1 or 2! We've got some baby toiletry type things from tesco - nappies, nappy bags, bath stuff, lotion, powder etc. Should be able to get a hospital bag packed soon now with all those bits and bobs, ready for the outing to Thorpe Park this saturday.

Last night the in-laws came over to take J (well and me) out for a meal for his birthday, had a nice curry in the indian. It was very pleasant, and J showed them the old photographs he'd come across that he'd taken as a boy, which they enjoyed. Something that was quite good was that after a while his dad mentioned an idea that he/they must have had, that after new year (presumably to give us time to get settled with Robert) they suggested that during the week (perhaps on a regular basis) they come and pick me and Robert up in the morning, drive us back to their house 30 minutes or so away, and spend the day there with them, and then J comes back via their house in the evening after work. Sounds to me like a really lovely idea, will mean I get some company during the day, maybe even a little rest! And Robert will get to spend time with his grandparents.

J and I went for a walk after we'd been shopping, because as we were walking out of Tesco, the weather was just wonderful. Clear, cold, crisp, very slight breeze... just one of those lovely autumn/winter weather days. Lovely. :)

I think I might be getting a little low on vitamin C - I've started craving fruits again, as well as my latest usual creamy/milky foods. I get through 6 pints of milk these days so quickly! Cereal, and umpteen glasses of milkshakes normally.

Anyway I guess that's all the recent news (since yesterday hehe). Back again tomorrow probably. xx

36 weeks - belly picture!

Quick entry before I get on with some washing up (Parents-in-law coming over tonight for a meal, we're going out to the local indian for J's birthday which is on Tuesday). Just uploaded a new belly picture into the gallery. 36 weeks! Arghh! 36 weeks! Where'd the time fly to??

Will just upload the other two here as usual...

Lots o' lovely stretchmarks! Haha. Ah well, I guess it means he's doing some lovely growing in there! :)

Anyway, best get on with the washing up, so I can spend a while with my feet elevated this afternoon before we go out.

Oh, and mega congratulations to Alice! ;) I was beginning to wonder if we'd actually be pregnant at the same time! ;)

35 weeks 6 days - forum signature, christmas, squirmy little escape artist

I've ordered some things for Jonathan's birthday next week yesterday. Was going to do it on Tuesday but since it said despatch was next day, I thought I'd wait til I knew I'd be in the house all day. I've got him some things I know he needs (and hopefully he'll like), I won't say here just yet incase he reads this! (I don't think he bothers to read this much anymore, but can't hurt to be careful!) At the same time I also got some bits for me that I need to see me through to the end of this pregnancy.

A woman on my EDD forum, who's actually had her baby now, but she was initially due in November before they moved her dates.. anyway she stuck around in the November thread, and she's got such a pretty forum signature, I asked her where she got it from, she sent me the link and I went along to see if I could get myself one too.. Basically people there make others signatures in their spare time for fun, I guess a little like the web designs I did over at RP Designs for a while. Except theirs are custom made, you go and post a photo, say what you want it to say, etc, and they make it. They still have quite a lot of creative freedom over it. But anyway, I'll post it here because it's too cute!!

I got it from Custom Keepsakes if anyone's interested in getting their own done, you register, and then post in the request section with the information they set out in a sticky, and then someone will pick it up. :)

Robert's been a squirmy little chap again today. Did another escape attempt earlier. And he keeps waving his hands and arms around in there! It's quite cute and funny. :) I can't wait til my next midwife appointment! I am so eager to see how much he's grown, even if "inside tummy" measurements aren't that accurate!! ;) And tomorrow will be time for another belly picture. I keep thinking he's dropping a little, but then I'll think "no he hasn't" because he still feels quite high up near my ribs, and theres still a lot of floppy skin under the bump (haha!). I can't believe tomorrow I'll be 36 weeks. How crazy is that!!! 36.. wow. It's still kinda setting in for me that I am actually pregnant (LOL!) and that so soon I'm going to have a baby... a new chapter of my life starting as a parent... so exciting, so scary.

I got a text from my brother yesterday, saying "Do you think we should do presents only for the children this year?" which was like wow - this christmas, both me and my brother will be PARENTS! With children! I replied back saying that this year, no adults will be getting presents from us at all, and that if they wanted to do the same with us then that was fine with us. We will be getting Ewan something (although what I have no idea!!! And I have to find something for his birthday too!), and also my step-cousins a little something each for Christmas. But apart from those, everyone else is getting cards only. Until we get our camcorder out! ;)

Oooh, talking of which, if anyone would like to send me their postal address, I'd love to stalk... ahem I mean I'd love to send you cards this year, just send me an email, and I'll add you to my christmas card list!

Anyway, hope you're all well, and *hugs* to Becca, I'm sure your little munchkin will be along soon! Just stay positive! xx

35 weeks 5 days - BP down, cheap baby clothes, more irrational worries

The waterbirth information evening was interesting. However it was a waste of almost an hour for some poor woman who came in, and then towards the end asked if she could use the pool as she'd previously had a cesarian section (the midwife leading the session had towards the beginning said what conditions had to be met to be able to use it, including being full term, not on certain painkillers, etc but not mentioned cesarians), at which point the midwife said "no, sorry." So the woman got up to leave as at that point there was no reason for her to stay. I felt sorry she'd sat through all that for nothing.

What Jenny had told us about hospital led sessions about labour etc was true, talking very much about pain relief, so I tried my best to let that go in one ear and out the other. She then showed us a video of a water birth, which I thought was ok (I was expecting screaming and stuff or at least something more horrendous generally than I'd seen during the hypnobirthing classes), but afterwards, one of the pregnant women there said "I don't want to give birth now!" when the midwife asked if there were any comments. At some point the woman on the video cried out "Jesus Christ!!", presumably as the baby was crowning. But that was it really... *sigh*

Anyway. My BP is down to normal again, although the nurse that took it seemed very flustered and as though she wasn't very organised... And she used a bigger band to take my BP, and started off using her finger to take my pulse, and then switched hurriedly to using the stethoscope. But I shall wait and see what happens next wednesday with the midwife home visit.

This morning I also on a whim phoned a number in a newspaper advert, the classifieds, which was advertising big bags of 30+ items per bag for baby boys clothes. The newspaper was from June this year, so I wasn't holding my breath for them to still be available, but the woman did still have a bag of 0-3 month old clothes, and a bag of 6-9 month old clothes, which we can get for �10 a bag! She said she also had a baby bouncer and a baby beanbag she wanted to get rid of, both in good condition for �20. Bargains! It's a bit of a journey - 1 hour 20 minutes there and back, but will probably be worth it! Kettering Hospital, where we are having the various classes is about half way along the route, so it might be worth stopping by after the class to pick them up then.

Onto other news/revelations: I am beginning to wonder if Robert can really be classed as an "active" baby. I thought he was quite active, and he does indeed at times have extremely active moments, but lately, he does seem to be not very active. I'll feel an occasional foot sweep around the top of my bump, and the occasional light brushing feeling of a hand moving around "down there".. but big squirms seem to be very few and far between. And I have no other frame of reference to know whether he is in fact average, under average, or over average on terms of squirminess. All I know is that I look out for movements of any sort, and as long as I feel several a day I don't worry too much.

It does petrify me the thought that after such a long time of getting to know the squirmy little thing inside me the thought that something could happen... inexplicably, and he could be still born. Something like that happened to someone on the forums I read recently. Someone was due middle of October, and her baby died around the end of September, born a couple of days later. So sad... and I wish I wasn't the sort of person to dwell on these things. When someone lost their baby at 20 weeks (due same date as me), I was convinced it may happen to me too, and I was so scared. Now I'm reaching the end of my pregnancy, it's like the worry is still there, like it will never go away. I'll probably be the sort of mum to rush upstairs every 15 minutes to check on her sleeping baby to make sure he's still breathing.

Anyway, I'll leave off for now. Hope you're all having a fab week.

35 weeks 4 days - One month to go!

Ok. I now officially have ONE month left (give or take a couple of weeks) of carrying this child. And with it is coming an attitude change. I'm fed up of being fed up of all the little pregnancy niggles. So I am going to ENJOY this last month of carrying my son. If my feet start to hurt, I'm going to lay down with a good book and enjoy it, or lay down and watch some tv or dvd series, and enjoy it. If I have heartburn, I am going to take some gaviscon and then do something else so I forget about it. I am going to relish the moments I feel my son wriggling inside me and poking his feet and elbows and hands around. If he punches my bladder several times in a row, I won't complain, I will cherish his movements as it means he is getting stronger and healthier ready for his arrival into the next phase of his life.

Aside from that, we are going to be preparing like mad for Robert's arrival. I have a big list of everything we'll need for the baby and for me. I've marked off what we have, deleted what we won't want (blackout curtains or shutters for example, we will try our best to do without them - and also make-up for if I need to go into hospital! haha, I remember the exact day I last wore make-up... 7th May 2005 - my wedding day), and left uneditted what we don't have yet. There's still a big list, mainly toiletry type things, but also a comfy chair for night feeds - although we do have some chairs in the spare room from when we didn't have proper sofas. We have practically all the clothes it reckons we'll need for a newborn... our 0-3 month and 3-6 month and so on supply is a little less, but I guess there's always time. I will have to browse ebay a lot and see if people are selling stacks of boy clothes cheaply. I saw a couple of ads in a newspaper this last weekend gone, but looked at the date on the newspaper and it said June, so they've probably already gone.

Something I think J and I have decided is that maybe we do need the convenience of disposable nappies compared to the cheapness/cuteness/environmentally friendliness of cloth nappies. It's always something we can go onto at a later stage once we're used to parenthood.

Anyway, we've put a load of dates down in our calendar to attend some drop-in classes at the local hospital. The first one is tonight, and it's on water births. We're also going to the early parentcraft evening, breastfeeding workshop, and errr... something else I forget what.

I was thinking earlier, most of the couples at the hypnobirthing classes have probably already had their babies. I was the woman least far along, although there was another couple there only a few weeks ahead. Most were between 28-34 weeks when the classes started, whereas I was at just under 24 weeks. I do wonder how their births went. When I email Jenny (the practitioner) to let her know how my birth goes (went?), I'll ask after the others too.

Anyway I'll sign off for now, I'm feeling much more refreshed after a decent night's sleep. I did start to feel like my left leg was going to start hurting again but I just blocked it out and went to sleep. I got up several times for the toilet as usual, and on one of them my heartburn was quite bad so I went and took a small spoonful of gaviscon and then went back to bed.

My right leg seems to be fairly good now - swelling wise. Last night it was about the same size as it was when I got up. But my left foot/ankle was quite swollen. I have a followup appointment with a nurse to check BP and urine again today so we'll see what happens. I'll try and leave early, so I can sit in the waiting room for a while. Maybe practise some breathing exercises to relax myself.

Anyway, tata for now! xx

35 weeks 3 days - sleepless night, last blood tests done (yay)

Hi girls, back again! Thought I'd update now, because I will most likely be in bed sleeping or on the sofa for the rest of the day. I'm absolutely shattered. Went to bed around midnight, when my left leg started aching away, muscular pain of sorts. I can't remember how many times I turned over in an attempt to curb the aching. In the end I sort of groaned frustratedly, woke J up who asked what the matter was. I told him and he said "Why don't you take some paracetomol?" I don't know why, but whenever I'm in pain lately, pain killers seem to be the LAST thing on my mind. I just don't think about them at all. Anyway, I figured it can't hurt, so I got up, took a couple, sat back on the side of the bed. My leg was still throbbing so I thought I'd stay up for a while until the pain killers kicked in. In the end I was up until 5.30am. Got back into bed, laid down, and typically it was this moment that a tiny little boy decided to start squirming around and got the hiccups. Argh!! It wouldn't have been so bad, except for the fact that I was booked in at the GP to have my arm poked with a needle at 9.45am. So rather zombie-like I got up when J left for work at 9am, got ready, drank the tea he brought me, and then went out to the surgery.

I reckon I can't have got more than 3 hours proper sleep last night. Ah well, I'll make up for it later.

I can't really remember what else I was going to write about. I was sure there was something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. I guess that's a good thing, and since Robert is quiet, now would be a good time to jump back into bed and try and get a bit more sleep.

I hope you're all ok! xx

35 weeks 2 days - appointment at GP, escape-artist son

I did a fantastic job today of keeping off my feet! I feel so proud! Haha. And my feet are happier with me for it too. I did however phone up the labour ward (due to midwife being on holiday) to ask advice, and I got asked lots of questions about my general health, and so on, at which point the midwife I was talking to said that it didn't SOUND like I had pre-eclampsia, but that I should try and get my BP taken in the next couple of days to make sure. So I phoned up the surgery, and unfortunately they had no slots for tomorrow morning, when I was due down there for blood tests, so ended up going this afternoon to see the practise nurse for BP and urine testing.

Urine showed no protein, temperature was 37.1 which I assume is normal? As body temp is usually around 37 degrees but not sure whether it should have been slightly higher for pregnant women. Pulse she said was 98. She didn't say if that was normal or not. But my blood pressure was higher than normal :( At my antenatals it has ranged from 110-115 on the top figure and from 60-70 on the bottom figure. My BP was 148/66 on the first reading, going down to 132/64 after a couple of readings. The nurse phoned through to the doctor, who advised her to book an appointment for me to come in again on Wednesday for repeat testings. So lovely jubbly - three consecutive days trapsing down into town to the GP...

Robert has been extremely active today. And by extremely active, I mean woah... earlier today he did a series of movements I can only describe as escape attempts. It really did feel like he was trying his hardest to get out!!! And since then he has been fairly squirmy, but in the sort of way it just seemed like he was trying to get comfortable.

I can't believe Robert is so very nearly at the gestation Alice's Nathan was at when he was born! I look at the photos of him, and can't believe that my own little boy is probably a similar size to that! And oh my gosh, looking at them especially the ones of him curled up on Alice's belly is just making me ACHE for my own little son to be here and in my arms!

I can't believe how quickly time has flown. In two days time (TWO!!) it will be only ONE month until my EDD. Four and a bit weeks. I can't fathom it. I am so excited, so full of anticipation. What will my baby boy look like? I just cannot wait. *wistful sigh*

35 weeks 1 day - painful swelling continues

The swelling is still here. I'm beginning to get worried it is pre-eclampsia because of how quickly it seemed to come about. That and people on my due date forum saying "oh, you should get it looked at, it might be pre-eclampsia.." and it's like... I KNOW swelling can be a sign of pre-eclampsia. I was just going to wait until the 29th, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't.

I'm also worried about the blood tests I have on Tuesday, I have to go down there and back. And worried about Thorpe Park, whether I will be able to go or not, but more that I don't know if I'll be able to go or not. If I can't go, I'll get over it, but I am looking forward to it, and it would be nice to know in advance if I couldn't go. If I knew I had pre-eclampsia I'd know I wouldn't be able to go, since people with that get put on bed rest.

I'm also worried because I'm in PAIN with the swelling. My feet balloon up to such an extent that after a while, walking on them causes such a sharp horrid pain on the side of my feet, that's like a painful pins and needles sensation.

I'm worried that I won't be able to cope with bedrest if I get told I need to do it. Since Wednesday I have been trying to make myself get more rest with my feet up, but I've been so BORED of just watching tv, or laying down in bed, I keep getting up to do things, make myself food, clear up, sit at the computer and do things... I'm worried that it would be harder on Jonathan as well.

However, slightly better and upbeat news is that Robert has been very active the last few days. Last night he kept me up for ages with his squirming and poking and prodding and twisting, but I didn't really mind, it felt kind of nice to have him so active. He did the same again when I went and laid down earlier when my feet starting becoming painful. But yes, up I am again. But all his pokey movements have really helped me to realise how big he's getting, and that he's an actual baby (yes yes I know!) and that he'll so soon be here... I can't wait to meet my little pokey man...

34 weeks 6 days - feeling a bit better, still swollen though

Feeling a bit better than yesterday, although the swelling continues. They are back down to normal again this morning, but I'm sure by the time I get to mid afternoon I'll have ogre feet again. I got woken up by a phonecall today, I lay there wondering if Jonathan was going to pick it up, but realised that he'd already gone to work and that I'd have to answer it. It was a withheld number. The woman who was on the phone checked I was who she thought I was, and then said "Oh, sorry, did I wake you up?" At which point I thought "darn, I guess I didn't make my voice sound awake enough!" Then she launched right into saying something, and I was thinking who on earth was this? I interrupted her to ask who this was, and she said "Oh, sorry, it's the surgery, your husband called us." I didn't know he had called her, it turned out that he'd phoned to ask who was going to come and do the antenatal at our house on the 29th, as her phone message had said she was on holiday until 3rd November. The lady from the surgery told me that she'd phoned up the community midwives office, who'd told her that Beverley had only booked off ONE week, and would be back at work around 23rd/24th October.. Hmmm... So it will apparently be Beverley coming on the 29th.

Robert is squirming around gently as I write this, which is nice. It's amazing how totally UNpregnant I feel when he is completely still. I feel smaller, I get no heartburn. I sometimes wonder where he's gone when he's completely still. Makes me a little nervous truth be told. My brain tells me that he is of course still there, but I can't help but wonder if he somehow slipped out without me noticing! Haha!

I am beginning to notice that a lot of times I get heartburn are when he's actually wriggling around, poking his feet around near my stomach I suppose.

I also feel a little silly sometimes... I'm nearly EIGHT months pregnant, and I still cannot fathom that I have inside me an actual baby. A tiny human being. He's over 5lbs now, and there have been full term babies born at this weight. And yet... I cannot see him in my mind's eye as a baby. Does this sound strange? I don't know what exactly I see him AS, maybe it's the concept of him being a baby who so soon will be as big as newborn babies are. Like I can't imagine how such a big baby can fit in there.

I do find myself daydreaming over what he looks like. Yesterday I saw him for the first time as a tiny newborn, freshly out of the womb and still covered in vernix. He's always had dark hair in my dreams and daydreams. And he's always been perfect, so perfect and handsome. I wonder what colour his eyes will turn out to be. Both Jonathan and I have greeny/brown eyes. Mine are more of a mix, a hazel colour, whereas Jonathan's eyes are spectacular, he has a ring of brown on the inside, and a ring of green on the outside. Will our babies have green/brown eyes? With dark hair like their parents? Or will we get a completely different mix? Will Robert end up being a blonde haired blue eyed boy? Or even a red haired boy?

Last night I felt completely drained. J was so good, he went and put on some food, while I laid on the sofa resting my eyes. He then tested the CD player we had replaced from John Lewis (portable one for the birth). He even gave me a head massage as I laid there, with the Orgasmatron - named because it can feel so good you end up moaning orgasmically! Hehe. Then he went and got the relaxation script and just started reading from it as the CD player with the relaxation music went on. Unfortunately I got a bit of restless leg syndrome as he was doing this, so I fidgetted quite a bit, but it was still nice for him to do it, without me asking. And then dinner was ready soon after he'd finished, which was yumm. Chicken kiev, chips and loads of veg.

Thanks for your comments about the swollen ankles. I know it is a normal thing in pregnancy, but it has so suddenly happened it's just kind of panicking. I'll just try and get rest during the days, and then bring it up at my appointment on the 29th when she usually asks if I have had any swelling. I guess until then I'll just have to put up with it! I have only had my legs down for about 45 minutes now and already they're tingling and look more swollen.. Oh well...

34 weeks 5 days - still have swelling. Is midwife a liar?

I'm feeling a little upset right now. Swelling is still here, although so far it has followed a pattern of normal in the morning, balloon by mid afternoon. So I thought I'd phone the midwife. What do I get? "Hi, you've reached Beverley. I'm on holiday at the moment until the 3rd November. If it is an emergency, ring this number blablabla"

Well, I can hardly call swelling ankles an emergency. I was just phoning for some advice, and to see what she thought. I know it can be a sign of pre-eclampsia but there's no way to know for sure whether this is it. Because swelling can also just be a normal pregnancy thing.

I just kinda feel deflated and mleh. Especially since hello? We have an appointment with her on 29th October.... So either shes lying, or she's just made an appointment for us to have some complete stranger come to our house and do my antenatal and home birth protocol thing.

Plus the fact that my feet feel like they will burst if I step on something sharp. I just feel like crying, and it seems like such a stupid thing to be crying about. Hormones suck sometimes. Urgh. That is all.

34 weeks 4 days - swelling, camcorder, diarrhoea

We played around with our new camcorder last night. Mainly filming the cat! ;) But it's soooo good! And you know, this tiny piece of machinery has now made me SO excited about our upcoming lifestyle change. I cannot CANNOT wait until Robert is born now, because I can't WAIT to start using this camcorder to record him!!! I can tell that this camcorder is never going to leave my side until ROBERT leaves my side, like going to school! Hehe. I just can't wait! Oh, and it also gave me a really FAB idea.

I've already told some people not to expect Christmas presents from us this year. I know everyone will understand, and in fact, even though we got a present from Stephen and Nicky last year (one however, that will never be used probably... a fondue set - sigh), I would have been perfectly happy and completely understood not getting a present from them. However, a card would have been nice, cards are a lot less effort and expense than presents, and show they thought of you. So this year, we are going to get a load of christmas cards done (probably not home made like last year's ones) and get them ready for sending out so all that will need to be done is a trip to the post box.

But anyway, yeah, we thought maybe as (probably belated) christmas presents for family at least, we would create a DVD compilation of clips of Robert to nice music, maybe with some nice photos if we have some we want to include. But it's so exciting! I'm so excited to have a camcorder! Yay! :) Hmm this will probably mean I will have to upload videos to my youtube account rather than just use it to subscribe to videos ;) Unless J can create something which lets me embed videos like Youtube does. He's clever like that, so we never know :)

Anyway. Onto other matters ;) Last night I wasn't very well again (with the runs -sigh). I don't know if it's a common pregnancy issue, but it's happened now several times in the last few weeks, which is unusual to be so close together. But last night, I had one bit before J got home, and then another small one just before bedtime, and then I had to get up twice in the middle of the night! I was actually getting a little worried because I don't know how labour pains feel, I've heard them described as period pains, and the pains I were feeling could have been period-esque (Luckily they were just iffy stomach feelings), but I was terrified I was going into actual labour! But I am wondering if the reason I had so many episodes of it today was because of something I ate? We did go out to a restaurant on Monday night, it could have been the burger there, maybe the meat, or the mayo, or something... But then J had the same and I don't think he's been ill... so maybe it's just a pregnancy thing. Or maybe a combination of the two. I don't know.

Also, last night I was on the loo before going to bed, and I looked down, and noticed that my ankles had BALLOONED. I was seriously "oh shit" with the difference in them. They are still swollen today, so I'm going to have an easy day of laying on the sofa with legs elevated with pillows to see if they will calm down, if not, I think maybe I should call Beverley and tell her about them. My hands are feeling a little odd too, the same sort of pressure when I clench and slight hotness, so maybe they're swollen too. Although it's harder to tell.

It's a shame, I wanted to get a lot more done in the house. I think I'm getting to the point that I'm terrified Robert will come before we've even got the basics ready for him.

Anyway, best go get dressed and then go and lay downstairs watching TV. Could be worse I suppose! ;)

34 weeks 3 days - heart beat recorded! Got our camcorder

We finally have Robert's heart beat recorded! I'm so glad we have this at last! It's so nice being able to hear it in private at home, even if it was recorded with the midwife also there! Jonathan mentioned to me as we walked home after the appointment that he found her quite cold at times again. She doesn't seem that way to me anymore, but she definitely has that "aura" about her when you first meet her, or I suppose maybe when you're not so used to her.

Last night we went out for dinner. We had a relatively early dinner in comparison to most evenings, but I had only had 2 bowls of cereal that day and very little else (a drink or two). And it was quite scary, but I was beginning to get a little shaky and feel weird, we'd decided a few hours earlier we'd go out to dinner, so as soon as I started to feel odd, I sort of hurried him along so we could go asap! And while he was getting ready I drank a couple of glasses of milk, and snacked on a slice of sandwich turkey and a small block of cheese hehe.

I guess I'm more used to grazing throughout the day on various things. That and having a slightly bigger lunch than a bowl of cereal ;)

I have a lot to do today, I'm very good at procrastinating generally, but I figure I'll carry on where we left off yesterday and clear out a box or two of mine in the spare room, do the washing up, put a load of washing on, and tidy up around the house a bit which has got a bit cluttered with rubbish.

We went shopping last night after the meal, and looked for a knife sharpener, which we couldn't find, but stopped via baby products, and as I remember them being on a "list", some maternity towels, breast pads and muslins found their way into the shopping trolley too! At the checkout, the lady there got quite chatty, firstly about her puppies.. (o-kayyyy) and then when she spotted the muslins she started chatting away about those. "Oooh they're ever so good, my daughter uses them all the time!" And then she said something that acknowledged she knew I was pregnant (Like the muslins, breast pads and maternity towels along with bump weren't a give away! hehe), and I said "yeah, I've got just over a month to go now." And she exclaimed "Oooooh! How lovely!!! Do you know what you're having?" When I told her it was a boy, she said "Ahhh, was he waving at you on the scan then?" hahaha! The thought of a little baby waving his willy made us chuckle on the way out of the store. Maybe it's just true, people do get chattier when they see a pregnant women!

Anyway, someone who *was* on our November due date board, but later had her dates adjusted to the middle of October, but stuck around in November anyway had her baby either yesterday or today. She was due on 16th so I guess it's nice her baby girl came a couple of days early ;) I'm under no illusion that Robert will want to bake well into December. Haha! I bet he's a stubborn little boy like his Mum. If him stopping kicking as soon as someone else puts their hand on my belly to feel him kick is anything to go by anyway!

Oh! I forgot! Our camcorder and portable CD player we ordered with the last of our wedding vouchers arrived this morning! So yay, plenty of time to practise with it before he's born. I guess we have to decide whether or not we record the birth too. Part of me is thinking we should do it, and then decide whether or not to show people, because if we don't, and then decide we did want to, we'll be disappointed because we don't have it at all. I'm thinking it will be nice to have as a personal record even if we don't show it to everyone else. Something nice for the memory banks :) Right, big day of lots of productivity today! haha. ;) Hope you're all well!

34 weeks 2 days - I knew it! Midwife update.

Click back an entry if you missed the one I posted this morning.

Update on Robert - he's still head down! Beverley thinks it's unlikely he'll go breech now. He's also measuring - wait for it.... 36-37 weeks! (She said 37 to me, but then put 36 in my notes) She said it wasn't that unusual and often once they engage the numbers appear normal again. I've also been thinking he might have been going through a bit of a growth spurt lately anyway, since from a little before my last appointment til the end of last week-ish, his movements have been much less than normal, and softer. And they have now started back up again with the jabs and pokes downstairs with his hands, and so on!

She's doing a home visit in a fortnight, and also going to go through the protocol for the home birth with J and I then. I'm glad, I hope the rest are home visits, I am getting more and more tired walking back from town now. It's not a long walk, but it is slightly uphill and my calves really end up stinging badly, and I do get breathless. Which I am putting down to the fact I'm carrying a big baby boy who's extra weight on my poor legs, and also that he's up my ribs already, causing the breathlessness ;)

She seems happy to go through the protocols for home birth seeing as my BP is still absolutely fine (110/66 this time, and has been 110/64- 110/70 for most of the visits, one of them being I think 115/70), and my urine still is showing no traces of sugar or protein. So yay, glad all is still okay anyway.

Right, well, we're gonna get busy again, got a lot more boxes sorted and ready to put in the loft. Spare room is looking clearer but still a lot to put away and sort out.

Til next time! x

34 weeks 2 days - midwife app later, yesterday at the in-laws

Yesterday we had a long (but lovely!) day over at J's parents. Went over for lunch time, where we also saw Naomi (J's sister) and Barbara. Then had some tea and J's dad opened up his birthday presents from everyone (it's his birthday today). Barbara left shortly after that, as she lives in the same village it's only a short walk back for her, and then a while after that Naomi also left to go and pick up her fiance from the train station. One of the presents J got his dad was some external hard drive thing for the computer, which he then spent the next few hours setting up and installing things, etc, inbetween which watching the Formula 1 (I'm ashamed to admit I got into it a little while they were out of the room hahaha!). Anyway we ended up staying until about 9pm.

But Robert got some pressies too! Betsy (J's mum) had crocheted a white blanket and a blue jacket for him, and had bought from the market she has a stall on every week a couple of sets of knitted boots, mittens and hat, one in blue one in white. Something we were wondering about since we know what's going on with my parents is what they wanted to do about when Robert is born, and they said they'd come up as soon as they're called (time permitting!! haha) to come and see him. Which made me wonder what Mum had in mind if Robert decides to come into the world at some lovely hour like 4am...

Anyway, Jonathan decided to surprise me last night as we got into bed... no, not in that way! Hehe! No, he told me as he had Friday off, he'd taken today off too! Which I'm really excited about, because it means he can come to the midwife for the first time since the booking appointment!! He hasn't heard Robert's heartbeat yet! It's today at 3pm, so plenty of time to save up my wee. And as it's 34 weeks, she might talk to us about home birthing protocol and stuff. I'm actually getting really excited about giving birth. I know not a lot of women say this, they are usually scared shitless, it's something they "have to go through" and "get it over and done with". I'm so happy I'm not in that mindset!

I'm also glad, I've had fairly good nights sleep the last couple of nights. I *think* I only got up once last night for a wee, which is great! :D Ended up having a long and strange dream, possibly connected to the fact I heard from a friend I'd not spoken to since school back in 1999 or so via Facebook last night.

But I think I'm getting a cold. I have had several coughing fits this morning while in bed (and laying horizontally always makes them feel worse), and then a bit later on, I sneezed. Now I don't work in the Nursery I'm pretty much ok for colds, and get them very rarely. I think for the three years I worked there, I had pretty much a constant cold to some degree or other, which I'm sure Alice will attest to from Arthur going to playgroup and coming home ill each time!! But I guess with around 130 different children coming into the Nursery each day, it wasn't surprising (65ish in the morning, and 65 in the afternoon).

Anyway, I'll leave off here, and probably update later after the midwife appointment. I'm looking forward to seeing how I'm measuring again, if I'm still bang on or if he's had a growth spurt, or what. :) And also seeing if he's still head down. If he is, he'll have been head down for at least 6 weeks! I think he is still head down, Im fairly sure I'm still feeling feet up by my ribcage. And punches furthur down, some of which have been quite violent and made me jump! Hehe. He did about 4 of those while I was at the in-laws, it kept making Betsy giggle. Ok, well I'll update in a few hours, keep well, hope your weekends were good!

34 weeks - new belly pictures, etc

34 weeks pregnant! You know what that means, girls, right? ;) That's right, a new belly picture!

Been moaning a lot to J recently about how fat and heavy I feel. Not as in "oh I'm so fat, I really ought to diet, lose this flubber" kind of way but my BELLY itself feels so fat, big and heavy, it's beginning to really get a bit cumbersome. My belly seems to feel hard ALL the time, making it difficult to know when I'm having a braxton hicks contraction. Which by the way, seem to be very mild. I know some women moan about them a lot, say they're very painful or uncomfortable. The only way I know I'm having them is when my entire belly goes rock hard. Which is why I'm having trouble distinguishing them lately. The belly around my belly button feels rock hard all the time now, the way I tell is to see whether the top of my uterus is hard or squidgy. I'm thinking if these are supposedly "practise" contractions, I'm in for a bloody easy time! So I'm assuming that the real things are going to be different, or else I probably won't realise when I'm in labour!!! Or maybe my true "practise contractions" will be different to these ones.

Not really had much opportunity to practise my balloon breathing yet therefore. I've practised the birth breathing regularly (on the loo!) and I think it's pretty okay. Since you get the same desire to "push" when going to the toilet, it's a great time to practise the birth breathing. It makes for some funny (and slightly bizarre!) conversations with J if he notices me doing it while on the loo.. "Breathe your loving energy down to your poo" and stuff like that. Hehe! (One of the affirmations during the birthing phase is "breathe your loving energy down to your baby." obviously!) I also practise the slow breathing method regularly, try and do some relaxation to the CD every day. I seem to fall asleep to it a lot, but apparently that can be simply being in an extremely deep state of relaxation. The only way to really know if you're asleep or hypnotised is by getting someone to try and give you some prompts to do something. Yesterday when I listened to it I felt like I was fully awake all the time, felt a little disappointed I didn't "fall asleep" but then when I thought back to it, I realised I didn't actually hear all the words at all - it goes through colours of the rainbow and tells you to visualise certain things with them... I dont really remember hearing any of the colours or the mists being mentioned. So I guess I was in a deep state of relaxation without really knowing it at the time. Which I suppose is good, and a huge difference on when I used to cling on to every word that was being said.

Anyway, will quickly link to the "other" belly pictures here that I don't put in the gallery, and then go and help J with the spare room.

Right, off I go! Have a good weekend!

33 weeks 5 days - gross paranoid moment, slightly better sleep

I might have come up with a solution for my sleepless nights. Possibly. I still had a rather wakeful night last night, but after the last time I got up for a wee (was it 2? or 3? times), I went back to bed and instead of settling on my side, I laid on my back. I know I'm not supposed to be doing that, as it can cut off the blood supply to the baby, but also apparently you will be able to tell you should move long before that happens. But after that, I drifted off to sleep easily, and hell, I even DREAMED! (A weird one which included having to do up a house where all the floor boards were broken, half the rooms had no ceilings, and as such you could see through multiple floors. The bathroom being a mess, with the bath resting on a bed base (!!!) and generally loads of rubbish around. Dreamed that J and I would have to sleep on a make-do mattress on the floor on one of the newly floorboarded rooms. Nothing about the baby coming soon though, or me being pregnant)

Anyway, Robert's done several wriggles and squirms this morning to let me know that my sleeping on my back hasn't hurt him. Which I'm glad, not only for today, but also because yesterday I had a massive paranoid moment. I went to the toilet, wiped, and then stood up to flush, as soon as my hand let go of the flusher, I noticed in the bowl (Sorry!!!) that it was filled with a lot of black stuff. I didn't poo that time, I didn't remember pooing the last time and forgetting to flush, but I guess I must have done, but I was soo sososo paranoid at that moment that that black stuff (unusual colour for a start!!!) was actually a huge swirl of blood clot, or even (oh my gosh how stupidly paranoid of me to even entertain this - I would have felt it!!!) Robert's head covered in dark dark hair. But it flushed away easily so I concluded that the latter paranoid solution my brain had whisked up was stupid, but still I couldn't help but think something was wrong, so I sat down and wiped again, thinking if it was a blood clot there'd be some lingering evidence, which there wasn't. So in the end I put it down to some oddly coloured poo that I'd forgotten to flush away from the last time. And waited anxiously for Robert's movements. Which he has done several since.

I'm sorry for the grossness of this entry, but I felt I needed to document it. Don't know if it's just me or if a lot of pregnant women have these paranoid moments, but I know I can be a paranoid person at times. It's just in my nature, I seem to think the worst all the time. Like I think people think the worst of me, that way if they actually like me it's a surprise, and a nice one at that. And I dream up the worst senarios so that if they happen I'll be prepared. Or at least more prepared.

Right, well I should have said this earlier, but thank you, Becca for your comment on the last entry. I did need to hear that from someone else I think and well, it was just nice to hear it. xx

Anyway, gonna wrap this up for now again, it's another nice day outside so maybe another load of washing? (Gasp, go me!)

33 weeks 4 days - fed up, birth pools, etc

As much as I hate to say it, I am beginning to feel a bit down and fed up. The night before last I went to the toilet at LEAST four times during the night. Last night I managed to cut it down to three times. But I am still getting pain from turning over. And he's just so big. I'm fed up of struggling to put on socks and shoes to go out. I'm fed up of being so tired when I get up in the morning that I know I'll just need to have a nap or two during the day to catch up on missed sleep during the night. Last night as I crawled back into bed for the third time, I looked over at Jonathan and felt a little resentment! :( Because even when Robert gets here, I'll still be getting up every time he wakes (unless I cannot breastfeed), whether Jonathan gets up or not. So it's not like the sleepless nights I'm getting now will be magically over once the baby's here. But Jonathan will continue to get lovely long uninterrupted nights sleep until Robert's here. Whereas I won't. And I resent him a little for that, even though it's not his fault, and I know that if he COULD do anything to help me, he would, even if it meant him not getting a good night's sleep.

Most of all though I'm annoyed at myself for letting it get to me so much. I still have 7 weeks to go (possibly 9 if Robert's anything like I was) and I want to not spend it being grumpy, annoyed, and fed up of being pregnant. I want to enjoy it. And I do still enjoy Robert's movements. And I am enjoying seeing how my belly is growing bigger each week. And I'm enjoying being allowed to eat what I want, enjoying satisfying my cravings, and having them taste sooooo good when I do. I just have to try and focus on those enjoyable things, because I don't like the way my mindset is going right now.

I mentioned on a November due date board today how I was planning a home birth, and the first reply I got was "wow, you're brave!" *sigh* They didn't say why, but I'm guessing they're thinking home birth = no medication = ouch. Part of me feels a little annoyed at such people like that too. Part of me feels like all I want to do is "educate" people about childbirth because it does seem that the majority of people are clueless (sorry if that offended anyone here, but when all the comments I get are "wow you're brave" and "don't worry all the pain will be worth it" I have to wonder why these people sit back and just accept pain as part of childbirth). Part of me is grateful that I watched that Richard and Judy programme all those years ago, because I have a feeling that if I hadn't seen it I wouldn't have believed it either, nor known that such a thing as painless childbirth existed. Glad that it sunk so deep into a corner of my mind to unlock again when I had children to go and investigate it. And if I can get the birth I want, it'll be worth every penny we spent on the classes.

Oh, and I looked at a leaflet they gave us while we were there, and they sell birth pools for about £100. They're pretty local too. I looked online, and found HIRES for about £250, so I think a purchase for 100 is pretty good! Will just have to measure up and check there's room for it. Although it's yet another expense which J won't be keen on, but ah well.... It's his birthday soon as well, and I want to get him some bits for then, but since I don't work, it's *ahem* like he's paying for it. Anyway I'd better wrap this up now, It's a lovely day outside today so a load of washing would be a good idea, and also will hop in the shower while the washing's doing.

Hope you're all well, and thanks for reading my rants (again!). x

33 weeks 2 days - dad's visit, jealousy issues (sigh), etc.

Thanks for your sympathy over the heartburn and pelvic pain, I don't know if I made it sound worse than it is, because I really wasn't expecting it! The heartburn often doesn't strike at night, and the pelvic pain is now slight enough that it doesn't disturb my sleep very much, if at all. It's just occasionally during the day heartburn'll creep up on me and then disappear again within a few minutes. Something I'll tell the midwife about next Monday though (3 weekly appointments! And after Monday's it'll be only 2 weeks away!) is that in the last 2 weeks I've had a couple of instances with diarrhoea. I don't *think* it's anything to worry about, although I've only had it twice I am finding quite often I get the pains associated with it until I *ahem* fart or go to the toilet. (Sorry!!) And both times I am finding it provides me with quite a lot of relief as it gets rid of the pain.

I was looking at a diagram of how the internal organs move to during pregnancy to make room for the rapidly growing uterus (which is now about 1000 times the volume of it's pre-pregnancy size!), and I'm not surprised I'm having errr... "digestive track problems" seeing as the majority of my intestines are squashed up above the baby.

I saw my Dad and his wife yesterday, we treated them to a roast dinner of lamb (which came with rosemary and garlic on it, good ol' tesco - it was friggin delicious!) on our new dining table. We had a lovely time, I did end up feeling rather bloated, followed by the second lot of diarrhoea aforementioned, and played a few games on the table after.

Although something bothered me slightly, which is probably completely and utterly irrational and something I probably blew up in my mind out of proportion due to pregnancy hormones, or jealousy, I don't know... Dad mentioned that around the time when Robert is due, he will be up in Chester, visiting Stephen and Nicky, as it is Ewan's birthday then also. But the way he said it seemed to me like he was implying that "If Robert is born while we're up in Chester, we're not going to leave to come see him." He didn't actually say the words in the quotes, but what he did say sounded like that to me. It just makes me feel like Robert is always going to be a second-rate grandson to him, if something is happening with his first grandson, Ewan, then Robert will have to wait. Maybe this is just a feeling I get because my Mum seems completely the opposite - she has said that if Robert is born while they're up seeing Ewan, she will drop everything and come over as soon as he is born to see him, and has told Nicky such as well. Dad has simply said that he will come over "as soon as he's asked", but implied that it's as long as it's not going to interfere with Ewan's birthday celebrations. Am I completely crazy to be reading so much into this? I mean, it's not as if I even particularly want him to drop everything like Mum is doing (I didn't ask her to either, but it's what she WANTS to do). I don't know, it might just be Dad's general "tactfulness" or lack thereof that's bothering me most, maybe he could have made it sound better to me.

I am now really hoping that Robert's birthday will fall at least a week away from Ewan's. So that way, in the future, it won't always be a "Ewan's birthday party vs. Robert's birthday party" thing. It's not as though we're even close enough to "share" birthday parties. And even if they did share a birthday, who's to say they'd even want to share a party as they got older?

Part of this I'm sure is because of jealousy. Urgh, I hate it, but I'm still not over this whole jealousy thing. Even though I'm getting a baby now too. I'm still annoyed at Nicky for lying to me for months and months about the fact that she wanted a baby (when she kept telling me she didn't). I know why she lied to me now, but I still don't understand it, and I think had she just told me the truth I probably wouldn't have half the jealousy issues I have now! Although, lie or truth told, I might still be feeling this thing over Ewan being more important than Robert in the eyes of my Dad. But I am *so* grateful that my Mum seems so wonderfully excited, and that Mum is willing to leave Ewan's birthday party to come and see her newest grandson as soon as he's born. It just hurts a little that Robert's Grandad only seems to want to come see him "out of duty".

I've not really talked to Jonathan's parents about when Robert is born, they've not really brought it up, perhaps because they feel uncomfortable asking. Or maybe because they just feel they don't want to intrude until they're asked. I might get Jonathan to bring it up with them, or maybe we'll talk about it with them next weekend (it's his Dad's birthday next Monday!).

Anyway, I feel a little better for having got it off my chest. And despite the feelings that comment Dad made brought up, the whole day was thoroughly enjoyable. We played a few games of Rummikub, followed by a game of Zombie Fluxx (which after a loooooooong time playing, I eventually won!), followed by a game of Perudo which we'd had for YEARS as a gift from Jonathan's sister, but never played before.

Although, despite having not done a lot other than sit around eating, drinking (going to the toilet 3 or 4 times) and playing games, I felt absolutely exhausted. I've not done the washing up yet from it, but I felt so completely tired at around 8.30pm, I couldn't even sit up at the PC, went downstairs to see what was on telly, and after a while Jonathan came down too and we put on Finding Nemo to watch. About 10 minutes in I found my eyelids drooping, but I was determined to watch the film, and instead went to bed as soon as the movie was over, at around 10.30pm. And slept until 10am this morning too. I simply cannot remember the last time I felt like I wanted to curl up and go to sleep for the night before 9pm!!

I then had an odd dream where it felt like I was back in school, and there were all my old schoolfriends there, but I was pregnant, and because I was pregnant, all my old friends were avoiding me. At one point in the dream I remember walking out of the classroom, leaning up against a wall before letting myself slip into a sitting position, and then explaining to one of the boys in my class who came out that I was having a contraction. But the contraction felt odd in my dream, like there was a really hard tennis ball-sized lump at the top of my uterus. The dream went on for ages, it felt, I'm pretty sure at least a week passed in the dream, without the dream cutting off or changing.

I have had a LOT of dreams lately where I have been pregnant, but none (since the very beginning of my pregnancy) where I have given birth.

Right, I'll leave this entry here for now. I'm going to try and get a lot done today, including making a list of things to be done. I think a good time frame to try and get everything ready for Robert's arrival will be the beginning of November. That way it'll give me a little lee-way, and also provide me with a GOAL and a deadline!

33 weeks 1 day - daily heartburn now, and flat update.

A quick update entry, because we're expecting my Dad and my step-mum over in about 45 minutes, and I still need to finish up the washing up and sort out the table etc.

Thanks for your comments on my last entry! I seem to be getting heartburn on a daily basis these days, sometimes several times a day (yeuck), but most of the time I just let it run its course unless it hangs around for more than 5 minutes, or if it's in the middle of the night. In Aylesbury yesterday, while I was cleaning the floor in the lounge (getting paint spatters off the laminate) and cleaning the walls in the hallway (grubby finger marks and streaks) I got heartburn every 10 minutes or so! :(

We went round because we were expecting a visit from the estate agent who had been round to see the flat before we started any work on it, and his comments were very encouraging, especially when he said that our flat stood out very well now against the one downstairs from us, who had had his kitchen and bathroom redone, but those were the only rooms to use as a selling point apparently, the rest of it looked very tired and dated so he told us, and ours he said looks a lot better. The guy downstairs apparently has his flat on the market for about 10k more than it's worth, which is why it's not selling, along with the housing slump. But the guy reckons that we should get offers for at least 115k, even though it's not as much as we were once hoping, the housing slump is a bit iffy, so we will have to think about renting and such.

Anyway, the pelvic pain has reached a consistent level these days (for now). One where it's ok generally when getting up and moving around, but after laying down, it can be a little painful to get up. I think this is due to my pelvis being pushed around by my weight on it when I lay down, I often hear and feel it "clicking" when I move around at night. But it's bearable, so that's the most important thing.

Right, well I'd best be off for now, hope you're all ok, tata!

32 weeks 6 days - Big boy! And only getting bigger - yikes!

Thank you for your comments on the last entry! I know it was a bit of a rant in some places, but I really appreciate your encouragement!

I'm beginning to feel more and more pregnant as time goes on. Sounds silly, but this littly boy is getting so big that I feel more and more full of baby, and I can't believe how there's going to be room for him to grow for another 7 weeks!!! (Seven weeks! That's all there is left!! I'll be 33 weeks tomorrow!) I feel like I am now finally pregnant to a degree where complete strangers can tell. The woman next door to us knows now, we were chatting a month or so back and I did kind of drop a hint, which she picked up on and said "you're expecting a little one?" Turns out her 18 year old daughter is also expecting at the end of November too. I think I might start taking belly pictures every fortnight now.

It's quite funny, I am now noticing his hiccups a lot more! The other day, he had at LEAST three bouts of hiccups. Jonathan is a little concerned, wondering if it's normal for babies to hiccup that much. From what I remember of Alice's diary entries for her three is that it is normal, especially since they are practising breathing at this stage.

I'm also getting a lot more frequent heartburny feelings during the day, often only for a brief moment or two. I do wait for a while to see if it'll go away by itself because eughhh I hate the Gaviscon I got prescribed. Hate hate hate. It's partly the taste (Aniseed yuck!) but also the texture of the medicine. Horrible creamy gloop that sticks to the inside of your mouth.

I am feeling it harder to sit at the PC for lengths of time, especially if Robert has his positioning in a way like he is this morning, with his foot crammed up by my ribs, making bending over uncomfortable.

He's now about 4lbs and over 17 inches long. I can't believe he's going to get twice as heavy in the last 7 weeks or so! (I reckon he will be at least 8lbs, possibly 9lbs. I was a small baby, about 6.5lbs, but Jonathan was a 10lb-er!)

I've been thinking forward a bit to when Robert arrives (and also thinking what an odd term that is - he's already here for goodness sake! I might not be able to see him yet but he's here alright!). As well as panicking because there's still so much to do and I'm such a lazy bum, but also thinking how odd it will be not having him inside me anymore. That's another thing I've read in Alice's diary that I now finally understand fully. I can't imagine him NOT being in my tummy, wriggling, pushing his feet into my ribs or out of my belly, hiccupping. Someone I was talking to, who's never had a baby yet and doesn't have any immediate or foreseeable future plans to, said to me that it seemed to her that it would be like your insides no longer having a life of their own... which is EXACTLY right! It feels exactly like that, that my insides have a life of their own, and when he's born, they won't... they'll just be.... nothingness. Still. Doing nothing. But I will have a gorgeous wriggly baby to take care of and enjoy and feel frustrated over all at the same time to distract me! ;)

Oh my gosh, where does the time fly to? I can't believe I will be having my baby next month! (most likely anyhow) I am beginning to be desperate to see him, not because I'm fed up of being pregnant (yet!) but just because I can't wait! I just can't wait to see what he looks like. I wish we could afford to have a 3d scan done, but at the same time I know it won't be long before we do see him. I just can't wait to see my gorgeous wriggly Sausage!