As much as I hate to say it, I am beginning to feel a bit down and fed up. The night before last I went to the toilet at LEAST four times during the night. Last night I managed to cut it down to three times. But I am still getting pain from turning over. And he's just so big. I'm fed up of struggling to put on socks and shoes to go out. I'm fed up of being so tired when I get up in the morning that I know I'll just need to have a nap or two during the day to catch up on missed sleep during the night. Last night as I crawled back into bed for the third time, I looked over at Jonathan and felt a little resentment! :( Because even when Robert gets here, I'll still be getting up every time he wakes (unless I cannot breastfeed), whether Jonathan gets up or not. So it's not like the sleepless nights I'm getting now will be magically over once the baby's here. But Jonathan will continue to get lovely long uninterrupted nights sleep until Robert's here. Whereas I won't. And I resent him a little for that, even though it's not his fault, and I know that if he COULD do anything to help me, he would, even if it meant him not getting a good night's sleep.
Most of all though I'm annoyed at myself for letting it get to me so much. I still have 7 weeks to go (possibly 9 if Robert's anything like I was) and I want to not spend it being grumpy, annoyed, and fed up of being pregnant. I want to enjoy it. And I do still enjoy Robert's movements. And I am enjoying seeing how my belly is growing bigger each week. And I'm enjoying being allowed to eat what I want, enjoying satisfying my cravings, and having them taste sooooo good when I do. I just have to try and focus on those enjoyable things, because I don't like the way my mindset is going right now.
I mentioned on a November due date board today how I was planning a home birth, and the first reply I got was "wow, you're brave!" *sigh* They didn't say why, but I'm guessing they're thinking home birth = no medication = ouch. Part of me feels a little annoyed at such people like that too. Part of me feels like all I want to do is "educate" people about childbirth because it does seem that the majority of people are clueless (sorry if that offended anyone here, but when all the comments I get are "wow you're brave" and "don't worry all the pain will be worth it" I have to wonder why these people sit back and just accept pain as part of childbirth). Part of me is grateful that I watched that Richard and Judy programme all those years ago, because I have a feeling that if I hadn't seen it I wouldn't have believed it either, nor known that such a thing as painless childbirth existed. Glad that it sunk so deep into a corner of my mind to unlock again when I had children to go and investigate it. And if I can get the birth I want, it'll be worth every penny we spent on the classes.
Oh, and I looked at a leaflet they gave us while we were there, and they sell birth pools for about £100. They're pretty local too. I looked online, and found HIRES for about £250, so I think a purchase for 100 is pretty good! Will just have to measure up and check there's room for it. Although it's yet another expense which J won't be keen on, but ah well.... It's his birthday soon as well, and I want to get him some bits for then, but since I don't work, it's *ahem* like he's paying for it. Anyway I'd better wrap this up now, It's a lovely day outside today so a load of washing would be a good idea, and also will hop in the shower while the washing's doing.
Hope you're all well, and thanks for reading my rants (again!). x