Nicky's Lil' Ones: Difficult nights - lovely mornings

Sooo... as you can tell I finally got around to writing Robert's birth story. Truth be told it was easier than I thought it would be. I did well up a bit but only towards the end, so I think maybe I am beginning to come to terms with it all. There are so many things on our birth plan that of course we couldn't do due to how he arrived. Jonathan never got to cut the cord. Robert and I got our first skin to skin contact almost 2 weeks after birth, instead of seconds after birth. His vernix was rubbed off. I had the drug to speed up placenta delivery. Etc, etc. But you know what? I don't care about any of that. I don't think I ever did care about any of that. Because at the end of the day, Robert lived. Minutes after his birth when I was standing there, I was sure he wouldn't survive to be an hour old. And here he is, 3 weeks old.

Thank you so much for your comments on the birth story. It never really occured to me how well I did do, or that I went through a lot physically after the birth. I also wasn't aware of how emotional it would make people, especially since I hardly cried at all writing it, I guess because I have had so long to think about it and digest it now. I'm not sure I agree on what people said that there was nothing I could have done differently. Giving birth out of the water and squatting to deliver would have probably done wonders and could well have ended up in him breathing at birth. But I do agree there was no way I was to know what was going to happen, and knowing that, I guess I did the best I could have done under the circumstances. I have come away from this birthing experience not only with the knowledge on how to make any future births I have better, but I also came away with a gorgeous baby boy, and for those two things I am so incredibly grateful.

Robert's sleep overnight lately has been very bad. As such I feel I am at the end of my tether a LOT during the night. The night before last he didn't go to bed until 2am (despite him starting to get sleepy at 11ish). He almost woke at 5am, but then went back to sleep until 7am. Then last night, he was up from about 6.30pm til 12am - slept for HALF AN HOUR... then woke and didn't get back to sleep until 3.30am. And then woke at 7am. I fed and changed him while Jonathan tried to get a bit more sleep - afterall he can't sleep at work whereas I can sleep later if Robert sleeps again. Which luckily he did do - but only in bed with me and as I was so tired from hardly any sleep last night I let him sleep in bed with me. He woke up hungry again after a while, and I tried to feed him a muslin cloth (to suck of course for comfort haha!), but he wasn't really very interested in it. Then as I was quite tired still, I laid down on the bed, and put Robert on my chest. I was horizontal but still, it was more comfortable than sitting up. To my amusement, Robert started rooting, and managed to position his gaping mouth right over my nipple (I was wearing a bra though) and start trying to suck it! So I unclipped my bra, and let him root again, and he managed to attach himself and start feeding away - and with a pretty good latch too! I just lay there, looking at my sweet funny clever man, suckling away, and even though I had got frustrated with him last night when he wouldn't go down to sleep for ages, all of that just melted away.

Jonathan took some absolutely gorgeous photos of Robert the other day as he was laying on the bed sucking on a muslin. They really are good and almost look professional! When I have some free time I am going to print them out on nice photo paper and find some frames to put them in...