Since our hypnobirthing classes ended at the end of August, I must admit we have been incredibly slack with the practise. The practise being: listening to the birthing affirmations and rainbow relaxation CDs, putting on the background music while Jonathan reads the scripts to me so I get used to being in relaxation to his voice, practising the light touch massage and the relaxation anchors (when he presses on my shoulder with his hand I relax more, when he says certains words I relax more, and so on). Pretty soon I shall have to start with the perenial massages, which will help loosen up my vagina and the perenial tissues ready for labour, meaning I have a lesser risk of tearing or needing an episiotomy.
A big part of the Hypnobirthing philosophy is the belief and confidence in yourself that you can do it. The ability to let go and just let your body do what it was designed to do (yes, that's right, your body is DESIGNED to give birth comfortably, with no pain!). The main obstacle I have found is other people's opinions and passing comments - however well meant these comments are, they are really not what I need to be hearing! Someone who was in my primary school class, who has 2 children now, she said to me "Try not to worry too much about labour, just remember that however tough and painful it is, it will all be worth it when you're holding your baby.". And I know that a lot of the people reading this will nod their heads and say "hell yeah, totally" to that.
But the problem with comments like that is that once again the idea is being enforced that labour is always painful, no-one can get around that, and if they do, they're either drugged up, lying, or "lucky".
I had another comment made to me a month or so back. "Oh, don't worry, soon enough you'll be screaming" referring to my labour. When I replied back saying "No I won't." the same person retorted with "They all say that...."
And that little exchange made me feel so many emotions... mainly anger, but also pity, resignation, amongst other things. By the way that exchange was with a man, whose wife had given birth to 2 or 3 children. But it's comments like those which drill it in to young girls, women.. "When you have children, your labours will be painful, horrific, traumatic, and hey, guess what? There's nothing you can do about it!" And makes me feel sad because this is the society we're in now, where women are TERRIFIED of giving birth. Where birth is something to be forgotten about as quickly as possible. Where the notion is that if anyone was capable of remembering exactly what they went through when they birthed their first child, they would NO WAY have a second, or a third...
Ironically, it's because of this fear that women have of giving birth that they have such painful traumatic births! The fear causes them to tense up, especially in the uterine area, and when the uterus muscles are tense, they cannot work properly in thinning the cervix because of the resistance. Then once the cervix is finally fully opened, the mums are told to "push" which serves only to narrow the vagina in front of the baby's head, causing it to push down against a narrow opening, causing more pain.
One of the reasons I am now leaning more towards a home birth is because I feel that I am more likely to get the birth I want from it. The natural painfree hypnobirth, where I won't be pressured by doctors or midwives to have my waters broken or a drip placed in my arm to "speed things along". Where I am left to my own devices, allowed to position myself where I see fit, with what feels right with no-one wanting to strap me down to a bed. Apparently once you accept any sort of medical intervention (even "little" things like having your waters broken, or membranes swept), your likelihood of having a purely natural childbirth (ie, NO medication or pain relief whatsoever) decreases significantly. And at the same time, your chances of needing a cesarian increases.
Something I didn't know before I did the Hypnobirthing classes, was that another way a woman's body is designed to birth, is that when the body is sufficiently relaxed, it produces a LOT of endorphines during labour, a natural painkiller which is several times more powerful than morphine!
Anyway. I am hoping that this act of writing down my feelings about the whole thing has reaffirmed my ability to let go of my birthing fears. I think I just need to find a non-confrontive thing to say in response to people who tell me (or imply to me) that it's stupid of me to think I can have a painfree birth. I was beginning to wonder what with lack of practise and having people say to me the things they said whether it would be possible for me to have the birth I wanted. Afterall, doing Hypnobirthing classes isn't enough. One example is of a woman who attended these classes, but she was surrounded by people who loved the "horror birth story telling sessions", and as such, she ended up having one herself to tell, despite the hypnobirthing classes.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking "I'll show them all, I'll have a painfree birth then I can show them..." which isn't the sort of thinking I want to let myself get trapped into. I'm not doing this for THEM - those people who try and bog me down with horror stories and anecdotes which harvest the fear in women everywhere. I'm doing this for myself, for my relationship with Jonathan, and most importantly for Robert. I am doing this to leave myself with a memory I will WANT to keep replaying over and over and over in my mind forever, about that wonderful day when Robert came into our lives, when I was so relaxed, and euphoric, and excited by it all, instead of wishing it was all over already. I am doing it so that I am able to be renewed and refreshed still even when Robert has only just been born, and to give him a start to life that is peaceful, comfortable, and safe.
On our first Hypnobirthing class, Jenny, the practitioner, went around the couples and asked us what we wanted to get out of hypnobirthing. Unfortunately, I was the first in line, and all I really remembered about hypnobirthing was what I saw on that Richard and Judy show all those years ago. I said something like "I want to have a painfree childbirth, and I want to dispel in my mind all the myths about childbirth." Jonathan said "I'm only here because Nicola wants to be here really." The rest of the couples said things like "I want to be more in control of my birthing experience" and "I want to have a medication free childbirth" and things like that.
As the lessons came and went, I too saw not only the "painfree" aspect as something I wanted, but also the fact that Jonathan would be an intregal part of Robert's birthing day. So many men seem detached from the whole thing, never knowing what to do, what to say, how to make things "better". With hypnobirthing, they are taught that they have a clear focus, a clear purpose, and are one of the most important things a labouring mother can have with them on their baby's birth day.
I sat on the sofa earlier, Robert was squirming a little and poking his little foot out, and all of a sudden a rush of emotions filled me, and I imagined the three of us - me, Jonathan, and Robert in our arms. I could feel the elation and awe I felt holding my tiny boy, and I started to ache with love as it filled my chest, while simultaneously tears filled my eyes. Even though I don't have any idea where to begin, I am beginning to feel like a Mum.
No comments:
Post a Comment