I can't begin to say just how exhausted I feel. All day yesterday (yes, ALL day) I was in massive pain whenever I moved. The pain radiated from either my left labia, or the pelvic bone beneath, and is a stabbing pain that shoots through the entire area whenever I move my legs. And also a lot of the time whenever I got up to move, the pain caused me to tense up, and then my uterus started hurting underneath too. :( And a lot of the time my belly has felt really hard... but not braxton hicks hard - which makes me wonder if Robert has gone into the back-to-belly position (forget what it's called - is it anterior or posterior?).
Turning in bed has been a nightmare, causing me to groan loudly whenever I do. Yesterday afternoon because I'm fine when still, I decided to pick out a book and lay down and read it on the bed. (Round Ireland with a Fridge by Tony Hawks - excellent, excellent book, very funny. Had me in fits of giggles, and at one point outright tear-producing laughter) Laid on my side, and Robert decided to do his usual trick of kicking the side of my belly hehe. But anyway, I went back to read a bit more later in the evening after our meal, lay in bed, but of course whenever I had to shift position even slightly, OWWW! "Are you alright?!" calls my husband from the other room... and I must admit I replied back a little sarcastically "Just peachy, thanks!" Which isn't very nice I know, he's just trying to be nice and concerned. "Is there anything I can do?" Unfortunately not, I answered back with another slightly sarcastic "yeah, you could chop me off at the middle and give me someone else's body." which of course I didn't mean because then what about poor Robert!!! I instantly felt a little guilty when I said that.
The pain has continued on throughout the night last night, leaving me a little bleary eyed this morning. I do hope the pain subsides somewhat before tomorrow, because it's my 31 week midwife appointment, and I have to walk into town. It's not far, but far enough when every step hurts unless I waddle.
Last night sitting on the loo, I suddenly panicked inwardly and thought "what if something is wrong with me, what if I'm going into premature labour? What if I give birth to Robert right here right now while I'm sitting on the loo? What if his head hits the bowl and...." I can't even bear to write the rest of that sentence. It's bad enough thinking it. And then I think to myself what a bad mother I'll be, so maybe it'd be for the best... but then that is too horrible. Urgh, I feel disgusted with myself that I ever thought that. I need to really stop being so insecure. I can, and will, be a great mum, I just have to have confidence in myself.
I will have to write down a list of questions for the midwife. I think one of them will be about colostrum. After Alice's comment to my last entry I looked through some of her entries, and couldn't find what she was referring to! Doh. But I noticed on about 28 weeks or so she had her colostrum start leaking. Me, I've had NO sign whatsoever. None. Nada. And I'm 3 weeks later than that! I'm sure it's one of those things that are different for every woman, but boy it would make me feel a hell of a lot better if I was to get something through at some point, just so I know things are looking positive. I do get the occasional cream coloured residue settling between the little dimples, that can be loosened and brushed away, but then I'm pretty sure I've been getting those foreverrr - since I was a teenager.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing if Robert is still head down, like he was at 28 weeks. It seems crazy soon for a baby to be head down, 28 weeks through. I'm pretty sure he is still, because I'm still feeling his little feet pressing up against the upper most part of my uterus. Oh, forgive me if I've already said this, but the other day, I was sitting on the sofa, and he started pressing his feet up firmly against my belly... I pressed down against them with my fingers quite firmly, and whereas at some point before he simply moved his feet away, this time, he kicked back at my fingers! Hehe. It was so sweet.
Oh, and I don't think I've been paying much attention to the fact he's probably been having noticeable hiccups lately... last night I felt it going on and paid attention to it, and yeah, can imagine those were definitely hiccups. That time aaaages ago I said he had hiccups, I think those were actually his first kicks I felt, not hiccups! But these were, and I'm pretty sure he's had them before, I've just not felt them, and then thought "ahh, they're the hiccups." But they definitely weren't kicks, definitely weren't punches, just a sensation within my belly that felt like when you've done a lot of exercise and your muscles ping away for a while as they rest.
Anyway, should go and get some breakfast now, hopefully repeating "there is no pain there is no pain" will help, I think it helped a tiny bit when I had to climb back up the stairs etc yesterday. Will speak to Beverley (the midwife) about it tomorrow and see if there's anything she recommends. Will prepare myself incase she'll want to take a look "down there" as well.
Hope you're all ok, oh! And happy birthday to Becca!
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