Thursday, 14 August 2008

25 weeks 5 days - thanking for the comments, deepness of love for Robert

Oh my gosh, thank you all so much for your comments on my last entry. It is so good to know that I'm not alone in those feelings, that it's normal and that it will come naturally once I'm actually there. I do have an absolutely amazing respect now for people who adopt, because even if they set out to adopt a baby, it doesn't happen like the movies and like in Friends where they were IN the labour ward and got to take home NEWBORNS. Everywhere I've read, about real life adoptions, you bring home a baby who is at LEAST six months old, or even older. And in those situations, it is kind of like you're thrown right in at the deep end with a baby who doesn't know you, and is already doing so many things.

But thank you for your tips, and your advice, and your own experiences, even the things I "already" knew, it was good to hear it from other people. And so lovely to hear from "new" readers too!

I think I am now beginning to understand from a personal level what I have read of other 'mum-to-be's about the deepness of love you begin to feel for your unborn child. I decided to have a bath today, to try out one of those bubble bath bars from Lush I got from Jonathan for my birthday, and while I was laying in there, relaxing, I got thinking about the whole thing, and started to talk to Robert, and rubbed my tummy gently, and before long, I was laying there, blubbing away, tears streaming down my cheeks, my body shaking as I cried these tears of absolute JOY and love for my little Robbie, that he was here, in me, that he is ok, that I am so lucky to feel him move every day, my wistfulness as I imagine what he looks like, and how it will be to hold him, and take in every tiny detail of him, and smell his sweet head. And as I told him, amongst tears, how very much I love him already, and rubbed my belly, I felt the gorgeous "popping" of his little feet against my fingers. And now, as I write this down, with tears forming once again in my eyes, and sniffling a little, I feel his little feet kicking once again, as if he knows...

I hope he knows already just how much love we both have for him.

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