How lucky am I?

In my mind, I am a mother of 3-4 children. Jonathan however has said he only wants 2. I must admit, I do think I can persuade him to go for another, because if I didn't, I think I would have held on to Christopher's pregnancy more. Cherished it more. Not moaned despite the diabetes. I look at our two boys, and I love them more than anything, but to me, our family is not complete. I don't know whether it will be complete after a third, or a fourth child. I can't see myself with more than four children, but four definitely is a possibility.

If (when?) I persuade Jonathan that we should add to our family, I am thinking that we would start trying around April/May 2012, which would be when Christopher is about 18 months old. I don't know why a slightly longer age gap is in my mind, it just is. It is crazy, even now I think to myself how I'd love to be pregnant again. Although it is a wistful romanticised thought, I do not want another baby yet! Nor do I really want to possibly be dealing with morning sickness, and aching boobs, and so on, yet.

One thing I know I will most likely get asked a LOT if (when) we have a third child is "so, are you trying for a girl?" and I won't lie, a girl WOULD be nice. But if Christopher had been a girl, I would still have wanted another! Even if I am destined for a family of three or four boys, then so be it! I'm not one of those people who is going to get pregnant again and again to have that elusive gendered baby. I might decide, after having a fourth baby (if that's what we decide to have) that a fifth would be nice, but that would be regardless of the gender of the children we already have!

Robert went to a birthday party at the weekend. One of the mums was talking to my friend who's son was the birthday boy. "So, a boy and a girl, one of each, that's nice" said the mum. Like my friend was so lucky and blessed to have a son and a daughter. Like two sons, or two daughters were somehow less special. "Yeah it is" said my friend with a broad grin, holding her 4 month old baby girl. I was sat there, holding my second son to my breast, and thinking to myself how lucky I am to have two CHILDREN. How lucky I am that they are both such calm beings. How lucky I am to have been able to breastfeed them both. How lucky I am that despite my first son's difficult delivery he is safe and healthy. How lucky I am that despite my second son's more complicated pregnancy and induction of labour he too is safe and healthy. How lucky I am that I can re-use my first son's clothes. How lucky I am to be able to spend my days with two lovely little boys, and notice their differences and similarities all the more. How lucky I am that I will get to watch my two boys grow up to be best friends, and hopefully remain best friends forever. How lucky am I? Very lucky. Would I be more lucky if my second child had been a girl? No. Am I more lucky that he is a boy? No. I'm lucky to be a mum, full stop.

Here's just how lucky I am.