Another of my forum friends has got pregnant. At least she was actually trying for a baby, unlike the other one who is pregnant, falling pregnant without even trying. I am pleased for her, but at the same time I feel that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The one that says I'm never going to get the baby I so long for. And I know the feeling is stupid, insensitive, and did I say stupid? I know I will have a baby. I know I will get pregnant again. And yet every time someone announces their BFP it seems that my time slips further and further away. Just a few days ago I felt positive about waiting for the right time. I felt like it didn't matter when it happened. I originally wanted Robert and his sibling to be less than 2 years apart, and with each month that passes it is less and less likely that I will get that wish. I conceived Robert at the end of February, beginning of March, with my LMP being February 16th. I felt a few days ago that it wouldn't matter when I got pregnant, be it this month, next month, or even during the summer, or later. I wanted a 2010 baby, but that possibility is becoming more and more remote.
I don't feel like I am my normal self. The last few days I have felt tired and rundown. And I've even been irritable lately as well. It doesn't feel like PND, and I've generally been well since I came off the anti-depressants. I think this is something new, but I hope to goodness it doesn't stick around. I just want to feel happy. I've had no real want to cook for myself or even really make myself any decent lunch. I eat breakfast because we all eat breakfast together, but lunch I just make Robert something, and usually I finish off what he hasn't eaten. And for tea I usually eat whatever Robert doesn't eat of his dinner, or if Jonathan comes home we get something together, if Jonathan makes it. But I'm not losing any weight, because I just have been stuffing the christmas chocolates and making myself feel sick.
I hope it passes soon and it's just a temporary low.
Oh sweetheart it definitely sounds like you're a bit depressed :( huge huge hugs! See if you can see the doctor about it and take care of yourself. I know it won't help to tell you that a baby will come when the time is right but it really will. Just know we're here thinking of you and if you need to chat xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteI totally hear you. A girl on one forum I am on decided she was going to try this month for a September baby, said she felt pregnant, thought for sure she was and took a test - sure enough BFP. How do some women just think about it and they are pregnant?
ReplyDeletePerhaps call the doc and see if you can talk to him/her about how you have been feeling? Was it too soon to come off the Anti d's? Thinking of you and sending big hugs!