Tuesday 28 February 2012
CD15
This is more for my own record more than anything, seeing as I didn't really get on with fertility friend. Last night had very bad one sided (left) cramps. No sign of spotting though, and no huge abundance of EWCM. Have had quite a bit in previous days though. Very unsure what is going on with my cycles, if or when I am ovulating. It's a long old wait.
Saturday 25 February 2012
A new cycle
Before I start, I just want to say thank you to those of you who have commented on the potty training and breastfeeding Robert posts. It's meant a lot to me that you took the time to support me and give me your opinions and thoughts on the matters. I really appreciate it!
Robert's potty training is starting again gently. I think the idea of a reward for being trained is a little overwhelming for him, so we are stepping back from charts, and reward presents, and just taking each wee, each day as it comes, and seeing what happens. We are having some success, still accidents most days but he is getting on very well and we are simply getting on with it, putting new pants on, and for successes, he's getting lots of verbal praise and lots of acknowledgement, and he seems happy with that.
With regards to the breastfeeding him, I have decided for now to limit it to mornings only, and while he asks still fairly often throughout the day, sometimes I will remind him that it's only for mornings, and other times I offer him cuddles, or a drink or a snack instead. I think when he is comfortable with that, or at least asking less often, I will broach with him the idea of weaning, and see if he will be willing to make that step with me.
Onto other things, mainly my cycles and our TTC, the fat lady did well and truly sing, and I even checked afterwards that it wasn't a false one, and it was negative even after the period had finished. So I am not pregnant. Around CD 8 I started feeling twinges and pinching sensations, and seemed to get lots of CM. Which seems way too early for me. And would be something like a 22 day cycle if that is the case, which it probably isn't.
On the other hand, if I do ovulate around the normal time, and have a somewhat normal cycle of 30-32 ish days, and get pregnant, my due date will be scarily close to Robert's birthday... To be honest I'm probably just reading too much into everything! For now, I think a step back is prudent. Besides which, I know "timing babies" isn't to everyone's tastes, for some it's a luxury they can't afford, but it's getting to that time when we are busiest for birthdays and other celebrations. It would be a bit better to leave conceiving until April earliest really, but then that would put me in the first trimester when we are going away on holiday. And that just is NOT good timing, as even though the boys' pregnancies were both very kind on me in the earlier stages and sickness wise, there's no guarantee that the same will happen the third time. I think stepping back is definitely best if I don't conceive this month. And if it happens during that time... I guess it would be one of those things that was meant to happen!
Robert's potty training is starting again gently. I think the idea of a reward for being trained is a little overwhelming for him, so we are stepping back from charts, and reward presents, and just taking each wee, each day as it comes, and seeing what happens. We are having some success, still accidents most days but he is getting on very well and we are simply getting on with it, putting new pants on, and for successes, he's getting lots of verbal praise and lots of acknowledgement, and he seems happy with that.
With regards to the breastfeeding him, I have decided for now to limit it to mornings only, and while he asks still fairly often throughout the day, sometimes I will remind him that it's only for mornings, and other times I offer him cuddles, or a drink or a snack instead. I think when he is comfortable with that, or at least asking less often, I will broach with him the idea of weaning, and see if he will be willing to make that step with me.
Onto other things, mainly my cycles and our TTC, the fat lady did well and truly sing, and I even checked afterwards that it wasn't a false one, and it was negative even after the period had finished. So I am not pregnant. Around CD 8 I started feeling twinges and pinching sensations, and seemed to get lots of CM. Which seems way too early for me. And would be something like a 22 day cycle if that is the case, which it probably isn't.
On the other hand, if I do ovulate around the normal time, and have a somewhat normal cycle of 30-32 ish days, and get pregnant, my due date will be scarily close to Robert's birthday... To be honest I'm probably just reading too much into everything! For now, I think a step back is prudent. Besides which, I know "timing babies" isn't to everyone's tastes, for some it's a luxury they can't afford, but it's getting to that time when we are busiest for birthdays and other celebrations. It would be a bit better to leave conceiving until April earliest really, but then that would put me in the first trimester when we are going away on holiday. And that just is NOT good timing, as even though the boys' pregnancies were both very kind on me in the earlier stages and sickness wise, there's no guarantee that the same will happen the third time. I think stepping back is definitely best if I don't conceive this month. And if it happens during that time... I guess it would be one of those things that was meant to happen!
Monday 20 February 2012
Reaching the end of a mutually desired breastfeeding relationship
When I first set out on my breastfeeding journey with Robert, I was grateful to make it to a week.
With him spending the first 5 days of his life in SCBU, his supplementation with formula in his first few days, my inability to express ANYTHING for him (due to immediate post natal stress and trauma, I had no real drive to do it), and bonding struggles.
As the weeks went on, I struggled with my new role of "mum", struggled with the whole issue surrounding his birth and delivery, with his time in hospital.
Most of the time, breastfeeding was ok. But in the evenings, it was a nightmare. With me literally pulling my hair out in frustration over his bad latching, my sore nipples, and a husband who did NOT know what to do, he came out with the F word. Not to say it doesn't have its place, but in my mind, I did NOT want my baby getting any more formula. And I could work through another night, and another night after that. It was around 4 or 5 weeks old that I began expressing a bottle of milk for Robert to have in the evenings. I so badly wanted to continue to breastfeed my baby, I guess my initial goal was 6 months, and I was still only at a month, when Jonathan mentioned formula. I knew that even supplementing one bottle a day could be the start of a slippery slope and end up in a struggling milk supply and a baby weaned onto formula. So began the expressing. Just one bottle a day.
And this, I believe, saved our breastfeeding relationship. 6 months came and went, and by the time he was 7 months old or so, he stopped having expressed milk and was entirely breastfed.
Breastfeeding was finally easy, the hardest bit was over! I made it!
Fast forward to a year old, to 2 years old, to 3 years old, and Robert is still being breastfed. I NEVER ever EVER thought I would be breastfeeding a 3 year old. Hell, I never even thought I'd be feeding a TWO year old. But here I am, Robert is 3 years and 2 months old and still nurses at LEAST once, usually twice, and occasionally 3+ times a day. It winds me up when people say that children his age don't "need" it anymore. They are of course speaking nutritionally, that they are capable of eating a full and complete diet of foods away from mum. Which is true, he is capable of eating and drinking all his needs away from my breasts. But most of these people will agree that a cup of cows milk is a healthy or, in some people's opinion, necessary part of a small child's diet. COWS milk? But not HUMAN milk? You see people, stuffing their faces with a donut, and saying between mouthfuls that he's "too old" for that, that he "doesn't need that".
Anyway, I digress, I have always, past a certain age, where I seem to get raised eyebrows from family members (I never get more than that, as I, in a pre-emptive strike, tell people that I believe that nursing is the right thing for my child, and that I will continue to do so as long as we both mutually desire to. I do NOT want to be nursing a 4 year old. Part of me has hoped for some time that Robert would self wean, but he hasn't even SLOWED DOWN yet, and lately he has been asking MANY times a day. He is never really upset if I say no, yet if he starts to nurse and I need to go and do something (like get Christopher to bed), tantrums will ensue if I have to cut the session short. I say no more often than I say yes. A LOT more often. Now I know that I could try other tactics to get him to slow down. Some people swear by offering LOTS, so that he just doesn't ask anymore and he knows it's not "off bounds". Some go by a "don't offer, don't refuse". I cannot do that one. He would nurse 5 or 6 times a day or more. I don't have the energy to do that, and if Robert nurses more than a short while during the day, I start to get fidgetty, and my skin starts to crawl.
This morning I got up before he woke up, and even though he always always has a morning feed, I didn't this morning, despite him asking me if he could have some. I am just at that stage, where I want him now to be DONE. It will take a while I am sure to work out the best way. But we will get there.
With him spending the first 5 days of his life in SCBU, his supplementation with formula in his first few days, my inability to express ANYTHING for him (due to immediate post natal stress and trauma, I had no real drive to do it), and bonding struggles.
As the weeks went on, I struggled with my new role of "mum", struggled with the whole issue surrounding his birth and delivery, with his time in hospital.
Most of the time, breastfeeding was ok. But in the evenings, it was a nightmare. With me literally pulling my hair out in frustration over his bad latching, my sore nipples, and a husband who did NOT know what to do, he came out with the F word. Not to say it doesn't have its place, but in my mind, I did NOT want my baby getting any more formula. And I could work through another night, and another night after that. It was around 4 or 5 weeks old that I began expressing a bottle of milk for Robert to have in the evenings. I so badly wanted to continue to breastfeed my baby, I guess my initial goal was 6 months, and I was still only at a month, when Jonathan mentioned formula. I knew that even supplementing one bottle a day could be the start of a slippery slope and end up in a struggling milk supply and a baby weaned onto formula. So began the expressing. Just one bottle a day.
And this, I believe, saved our breastfeeding relationship. 6 months came and went, and by the time he was 7 months old or so, he stopped having expressed milk and was entirely breastfed.
Breastfeeding was finally easy, the hardest bit was over! I made it!
Fast forward to a year old, to 2 years old, to 3 years old, and Robert is still being breastfed. I NEVER ever EVER thought I would be breastfeeding a 3 year old. Hell, I never even thought I'd be feeding a TWO year old. But here I am, Robert is 3 years and 2 months old and still nurses at LEAST once, usually twice, and occasionally 3+ times a day. It winds me up when people say that children his age don't "need" it anymore. They are of course speaking nutritionally, that they are capable of eating a full and complete diet of foods away from mum. Which is true, he is capable of eating and drinking all his needs away from my breasts. But most of these people will agree that a cup of cows milk is a healthy or, in some people's opinion, necessary part of a small child's diet. COWS milk? But not HUMAN milk? You see people, stuffing their faces with a donut, and saying between mouthfuls that he's "too old" for that, that he "doesn't need that".
Anyway, I digress, I have always, past a certain age, where I seem to get raised eyebrows from family members (I never get more than that, as I, in a pre-emptive strike, tell people that I believe that nursing is the right thing for my child, and that I will continue to do so as long as we both mutually desire to. I do NOT want to be nursing a 4 year old. Part of me has hoped for some time that Robert would self wean, but he hasn't even SLOWED DOWN yet, and lately he has been asking MANY times a day. He is never really upset if I say no, yet if he starts to nurse and I need to go and do something (like get Christopher to bed), tantrums will ensue if I have to cut the session short. I say no more often than I say yes. A LOT more often. Now I know that I could try other tactics to get him to slow down. Some people swear by offering LOTS, so that he just doesn't ask anymore and he knows it's not "off bounds". Some go by a "don't offer, don't refuse". I cannot do that one. He would nurse 5 or 6 times a day or more. I don't have the energy to do that, and if Robert nurses more than a short while during the day, I start to get fidgetty, and my skin starts to crawl.
This morning I got up before he woke up, and even though he always always has a morning feed, I didn't this morning, despite him asking me if he could have some. I am just at that stage, where I want him now to be DONE. It will take a while I am sure to work out the best way. But we will get there.
Thursday 16 February 2012
Potty training dilemmas.
Soo... we have been potty training for what feels like YEARS. It's been more like a few months, but I thought last week that we would just go for it. Robert has all the physical signs of being ready. He can undress himself, he shows awareness that he's been (well, at least for poos! In fact he is (or was, I should say - sigh) number two toilet trained. But he just has no problem weeing in his nappy all the time. We had two days where he had NO accidents at all, but he "went" less than usual over those days, something I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. Then yesterday he had a good morning, no accidents, but then had a massive accident while I was out shopping. And he seems to have acquired a toilet aversion and now will not go and will prefer sitting in time out (yes I know I know, punishment for refusal to go probably wasn't the best idea) to actually going and sitting on the toilet, and he had an accident while sitting there.
I was in tears over it, because I thought maybe finally he was actually "getting it" but now we've seemed to have gone back a step.
I just feel that I am on a clock to get him toilet trained, that if he is still in nappies when he starts nursery aged nearly 4, I will be branded "lazy" for not having toilet trained him. That I will be accused of wanting the staff to do it for me. Having worked in a nursery myself, I know that the staff aren't being paid to toilet train children, that they are being paid to teach social skills and prepare them for school, and to supervise them. I want him to be in pants, and it is just SO demoralising putting him in pants, putting him back in nappies, putting him back in pants, putting him back in nappies.
Plus I feel that when my in-laws look after Robert on the one morning a week, they've seen him in and out of nappies so many times, and I just feel like they will be judging me for not "sticking with it" yet again. I think it's hit me hardest this time round because on previous occasions, my heart has not been in it, I have been too impatient with accidents, not rewarding enough for attempts, and it's been due to huge stress on my part that he's gone back in nappies. This time it feels like I have tried harder, that I have been more patient, and it's still gone tits up, and I just feel like a complete and utter failure.
He was in pants Friday, Saturday, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. Sunday he wasn't feeling well so I gave him a day off. And today he is back in nappies again. I hate hate hate that I have had to make this decision, people on facebook keep reassuring me it's for the best, but I feel like such an utter failure, that people will judge me for not "sticking with it" and just soldiering through and just GETTING IT DONE.
Yesterday I just sat down on the floor and started crying, and Robert bless him didn't know what was wrong. He asked why I had gone upstairs, and I told him it was because I was getting sad and cross and I didn't want to hurt him so I went away from him for a while. Because, urgh, yes, I still lose my temper with him far too many times to even bear writing about and the fact that I was able to go upstairs yesterday when it was all getting a bit much was a BIG DEAL. He was so sweet, and sat down on my lap, and said very sweetly "You can play with me if you like? Here, have this car"
I just don't know what to do about it. I feel so de-moralised, I just want to forget about it. But I can't because if I do I just know he'll be in reception before he's toilet trained.
I was in tears over it, because I thought maybe finally he was actually "getting it" but now we've seemed to have gone back a step.
I just feel that I am on a clock to get him toilet trained, that if he is still in nappies when he starts nursery aged nearly 4, I will be branded "lazy" for not having toilet trained him. That I will be accused of wanting the staff to do it for me. Having worked in a nursery myself, I know that the staff aren't being paid to toilet train children, that they are being paid to teach social skills and prepare them for school, and to supervise them. I want him to be in pants, and it is just SO demoralising putting him in pants, putting him back in nappies, putting him back in pants, putting him back in nappies.
Plus I feel that when my in-laws look after Robert on the one morning a week, they've seen him in and out of nappies so many times, and I just feel like they will be judging me for not "sticking with it" yet again. I think it's hit me hardest this time round because on previous occasions, my heart has not been in it, I have been too impatient with accidents, not rewarding enough for attempts, and it's been due to huge stress on my part that he's gone back in nappies. This time it feels like I have tried harder, that I have been more patient, and it's still gone tits up, and I just feel like a complete and utter failure.
He was in pants Friday, Saturday, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. Sunday he wasn't feeling well so I gave him a day off. And today he is back in nappies again. I hate hate hate that I have had to make this decision, people on facebook keep reassuring me it's for the best, but I feel like such an utter failure, that people will judge me for not "sticking with it" and just soldiering through and just GETTING IT DONE.
Yesterday I just sat down on the floor and started crying, and Robert bless him didn't know what was wrong. He asked why I had gone upstairs, and I told him it was because I was getting sad and cross and I didn't want to hurt him so I went away from him for a while. Because, urgh, yes, I still lose my temper with him far too many times to even bear writing about and the fact that I was able to go upstairs yesterday when it was all getting a bit much was a BIG DEAL. He was so sweet, and sat down on my lap, and said very sweetly "You can play with me if you like? Here, have this car"
I just don't know what to do about it. I feel so de-moralised, I just want to forget about it. But I can't because if I do I just know he'll be in reception before he's toilet trained.
Saturday 11 February 2012
Phew
Well, I can say that I will have a definite answer one way or other within the next couple of days. I have had spotting today, which I usually get the day before my period starts, so if it doesn't start tomorrow at all I will test again on Monday morning. But I don't think I'll need to. I've broken out in spots, and am quite grumpy today. If I do start tomorrow that'll be a 34 day cycle.
Friday 10 February 2012
Even though those tests cost £6 each (if you buy a twin pack which I did!!) I think the money was well worth it. It has stopped me obsessing over testing every day on the cheapy tests (which I am *ahem* going to have to re-stock up on) and trying to find a line! I KNEW it would say not pregnant, because the line I imagined seeing was so faint I didn't think it could possibly pick up anything on the CB, which is less sensitive!
I am now simply waiting for Aunt Flo to show up. I still have had NO signs whatsoever of her impending visit, and if I don't get her visit in a week's time, I will test again. I now have NO idea when to expect her, and therefore whether any "parsnips" we had was appropriately timed. So either way, I have no idea and will just wait and see what happens. Whenever I go to the loo I hope to see some red just so I know what's going on!!
I am currently on day 32 of my cycle. Lets see how long it ends up being... If by some miracle I am/do get pregnant, then I will have no idea how far along I am, the only indicator will be the strength of line on the pregnancy test.
I am now simply waiting for Aunt Flo to show up. I still have had NO signs whatsoever of her impending visit, and if I don't get her visit in a week's time, I will test again. I now have NO idea when to expect her, and therefore whether any "parsnips" we had was appropriately timed. So either way, I have no idea and will just wait and see what happens. Whenever I go to the loo I hope to see some red just so I know what's going on!!
I am currently on day 32 of my cycle. Lets see how long it ends up being... If by some miracle I am/do get pregnant, then I will have no idea how far along I am, the only indicator will be the strength of line on the pregnancy test.
Thursday 9 February 2012
Tuesday 7 February 2012
Due on tomorrow
Tomorrow, I am due to start my period. If, of course, I have another 30 day cycle. My first cycle was 29 days, my second was 30 days. This will be my third complete cycle if it completes and I get my period.
Each previous time I have had spotting the day before my period arrives properly. So I should be due some spotting today, but nothing. Assuming of course my period is "on time". Which I know it may well not be, having not had time to regulate yet.
And of course, there is the possibility that ovulation has been delayed, which will result in delayed period. The tests I have taken (3 now) have all appeared somewhat negative, although with enough squinting and in the right light, the faintest of faint lines is *just* visible. I have found myself wishing I had a ClearBlue Digital available today. But then I think if the line is THAT faint, surely the CB would just show up negative anyway?
Last night was our third bad night with Christopher in a row, due to his poorliness, he just isn't sleeping well, and therefore, neither are we. It's almost enough to make me think am I CRAZY for wanting another baby??!!! Christopher is still waking at LEAST once in the night, more often 2-3 times and the last three nights, 6-7 times. I'm feeling a little under the weather too, and as such little things are fraying my temper more quickly :( Hopefully things will improve as we pick up and become a healthy household once more! I was hoping to take C out to some groups tomorrow, but unless he picks up, I might not be able to! :( I will try the morning one I think anyway, and see how we go. Possibly cancel the afternoon one.
Each previous time I have had spotting the day before my period arrives properly. So I should be due some spotting today, but nothing. Assuming of course my period is "on time". Which I know it may well not be, having not had time to regulate yet.
And of course, there is the possibility that ovulation has been delayed, which will result in delayed period. The tests I have taken (3 now) have all appeared somewhat negative, although with enough squinting and in the right light, the faintest of faint lines is *just* visible. I have found myself wishing I had a ClearBlue Digital available today. But then I think if the line is THAT faint, surely the CB would just show up negative anyway?
Last night was our third bad night with Christopher in a row, due to his poorliness, he just isn't sleeping well, and therefore, neither are we. It's almost enough to make me think am I CRAZY for wanting another baby??!!! Christopher is still waking at LEAST once in the night, more often 2-3 times and the last three nights, 6-7 times. I'm feeling a little under the weather too, and as such little things are fraying my temper more quickly :( Hopefully things will improve as we pick up and become a healthy household once more! I was hoping to take C out to some groups tomorrow, but unless he picks up, I might not be able to! :( I will try the morning one I think anyway, and see how we go. Possibly cancel the afternoon one.
Sunday 5 February 2012
Photos!!!
Wow, for the first time in AGES, Jonathan has managed to catch up on editting and uploading photos!!! There are NO photos waiting to be processed! Go Jonathan!!! :D
As such, for the first time in AGES, I can update WITH PHOTOS FROM TODAY!!! :)
Poor Christopher isn't very well at all, and hasn't been well all day. He's had the odd cold every now and then, but he's never had a vomitting bug, and not really had a prolongued raised temperature. Luckily he's not vomitted yet, but he's had a raised temperature all day. First one was an under arm reading of 37.3 celcius or 99.2 or so farenheit underarm. His highest reading (from just after getting home from going out for a meal (yes I know, somewhat crazy, what with a poorly baby and the SNOW, but it was a special occasion, MIL's birthday meal) was over 102 farenheit (39 celcius). Since getting home he's been stripped to his vest, dosed up with calpol and given as much milk or cold water/squash as he'll tolerate. He didn't eat much solid lunch.
Anyway, since we woke up and it had SNOWED overnight, giving us a generous 3 inches or so, after breakfast, we bundled the boys up and let them play in the snow. Robert was SOO excited about the snow!! He went downstairs first, while we finished getting dressed and then we brought Christopher down. When Jonathan got downstairs, he found Robert trying to unlock the doors using the Yaris car key ;) While still wearing pyjamas of course haha! And no socks let alone shoes!
As soon as Robert got out, which amazingly was before 9 o'clock (not sure when but after a lengthy play outside we were all back inside before 9.15!), he had great fun simply RUNNING around in the snow, making footprints :)
Christopher however, had managed to fall over in the snow a few times before he got the hang of walking on such odd terrain, and when I managed to get hold of the camera. He seemed quite bemused by it!
After a while, Christopher got a bit fed up with the snow, and not blaming him, my toes were getting cold, and he was a little poorly too. So I held him for most of the rest of the snow fun. :) Robert by this point was busy scooping the snow off all the elevated objects. The slides had the first clean, and the swing, the sandpit cover, the table, and even the BBQ! Jonathan started to build snowmen, which Robert loved, and I went inside (with Christopher, who started whinging when I put him down) to get some carrots and raisins, which Robert insisted he wanted for the eyes (which unfortunately didn't work well).
Robert and Christopher both loved playing with the carrots, Christopher took them out of the snowmen, (I guess bright orange things sticking out were too tempting!!) and Robert moaned a bit at Christopher before he decided that the carrots would look better sticking out of one snowman as arms!
Before long, the two snowmen got demolished, so Jonathan and Robert (Christopher and I had gone inside by this point) made a very very tall snowman (or a pillar with eyes and a nose) which I reckon stood about 6 foot high, it wasn't quite as tall as Jonathan!
Robert has had several experiences of snow now, at least 3, possibly 4, whereas this was Christopher's first snow, so I had to let him have a go too!
The boys both had a nap today, Christopher a few fairly decent length ones, not surprisingly as he has been unwell, but also Robert, who fell asleep nursing again, I suppose not too surprisingly as he'd had a busy day!
After being dosed up and dressed in a sleepsuit only, no vest and not covered, Christopher's underarm temperature was completely normal when I tested it a little while ago after he woke up. So here's hoping he is on the mend!
As such, for the first time in AGES, I can update WITH PHOTOS FROM TODAY!!! :)
Poor Christopher isn't very well at all, and hasn't been well all day. He's had the odd cold every now and then, but he's never had a vomitting bug, and not really had a prolongued raised temperature. Luckily he's not vomitted yet, but he's had a raised temperature all day. First one was an under arm reading of 37.3 celcius or 99.2 or so farenheit underarm. His highest reading (from just after getting home from going out for a meal (yes I know, somewhat crazy, what with a poorly baby and the SNOW, but it was a special occasion, MIL's birthday meal) was over 102 farenheit (39 celcius). Since getting home he's been stripped to his vest, dosed up with calpol and given as much milk or cold water/squash as he'll tolerate. He didn't eat much solid lunch.
Anyway, since we woke up and it had SNOWED overnight, giving us a generous 3 inches or so, after breakfast, we bundled the boys up and let them play in the snow. Robert was SOO excited about the snow!! He went downstairs first, while we finished getting dressed and then we brought Christopher down. When Jonathan got downstairs, he found Robert trying to unlock the doors using the Yaris car key ;) While still wearing pyjamas of course haha! And no socks let alone shoes!
As soon as Robert got out, which amazingly was before 9 o'clock (not sure when but after a lengthy play outside we were all back inside before 9.15!), he had great fun simply RUNNING around in the snow, making footprints :)
Christopher however, had managed to fall over in the snow a few times before he got the hang of walking on such odd terrain, and when I managed to get hold of the camera. He seemed quite bemused by it!
After a while, Christopher got a bit fed up with the snow, and not blaming him, my toes were getting cold, and he was a little poorly too. So I held him for most of the rest of the snow fun. :) Robert by this point was busy scooping the snow off all the elevated objects. The slides had the first clean, and the swing, the sandpit cover, the table, and even the BBQ! Jonathan started to build snowmen, which Robert loved, and I went inside (with Christopher, who started whinging when I put him down) to get some carrots and raisins, which Robert insisted he wanted for the eyes (which unfortunately didn't work well).
Robert and Christopher both loved playing with the carrots, Christopher took them out of the snowmen, (I guess bright orange things sticking out were too tempting!!) and Robert moaned a bit at Christopher before he decided that the carrots would look better sticking out of one snowman as arms!
Before long, the two snowmen got demolished, so Jonathan and Robert (Christopher and I had gone inside by this point) made a very very tall snowman (or a pillar with eyes and a nose) which I reckon stood about 6 foot high, it wasn't quite as tall as Jonathan!
Robert has had several experiences of snow now, at least 3, possibly 4, whereas this was Christopher's first snow, so I had to let him have a go too!
The boys both had a nap today, Christopher a few fairly decent length ones, not surprisingly as he has been unwell, but also Robert, who fell asleep nursing again, I suppose not too surprisingly as he'd had a busy day!
After being dosed up and dressed in a sleepsuit only, no vest and not covered, Christopher's underarm temperature was completely normal when I tested it a little while ago after he woke up. So here's hoping he is on the mend!
Saturday 4 February 2012
Conflicting feelings
Ok. In my heart of hearts I really do not think I can be pregnant. Really. I just really think I ovulated BEFORE any baby making went on. But at the same time, I really do FEEL pregnant this time. Nursing is sore, which I've not had in the run up to periods before, I feel so tired all day, but part of me is thinking is this due to night wake ups, or is it partly psycho-sematic? I've been weeing a bit more frequently too, and it's not because I've been drinking more.
But stupidly I've caved and done some tests... both of which are mostly negative. Of course I have squinted away at them and tilted them into the light, and squinted more, and OOoooh! A line!?! Or is it?!! I feel like I'm convincing myself that I'm pregnant, first with the symptoms, and then with the practically (if not completely) non-existant line. I'm not even due on til Tuesday or Wednesday!
I need to relax and think to myself "what's done is done", if I'm pregnant I'm already pregnant and it will show on a test eventually, if I'm not pregnant then there's nothing I can do about it. Either way, peeing on a stick daily from 5 days before I'm even due on and wondering about whether there is or isn't a line isn't going to do any good!!!
Alice, was surprised to hear that about the ovulation, can stress delay ovulation? I'm not even sure for certain that I have ovulated yet, as I've not had any of the blood tinged CM that I've had before, or a definite one sided twinge, or anything really. I guess it's just a waiting game now!
But stupidly I've caved and done some tests... both of which are mostly negative. Of course I have squinted away at them and tilted them into the light, and squinted more, and OOoooh! A line!?! Or is it?!! I feel like I'm convincing myself that I'm pregnant, first with the symptoms, and then with the practically (if not completely) non-existant line. I'm not even due on til Tuesday or Wednesday!
I need to relax and think to myself "what's done is done", if I'm pregnant I'm already pregnant and it will show on a test eventually, if I'm not pregnant then there's nothing I can do about it. Either way, peeing on a stick daily from 5 days before I'm even due on and wondering about whether there is or isn't a line isn't going to do any good!!!
Alice, was surprised to hear that about the ovulation, can stress delay ovulation? I'm not even sure for certain that I have ovulated yet, as I've not had any of the blood tinged CM that I've had before, or a definite one sided twinge, or anything really. I guess it's just a waiting game now!
Friday 3 February 2012
Tryyyying not to get my hopes up...
But once again, I've had "ouch" moments while one boy or other has been nursing. I've not had these before and suddenly I get a handful all within a week or so? I still really do NOT think I am pregnant, truly. I really don't think the parsnips was timed appropriately. It could just be a coincidence, that their latches have suddenly shifted, or that Christopher's teething has something to do with it.
I am trying my hardest not to think I am because the stress of whether I am or not can easily bring about a delay of periods, as I experienced almost exactly 4 years ago today, the cycle before I conceived Robert! I came on 2 weeks late, on 16th February, which gave me my 22nd November due date.
For now I am trying to focus on My Fitness Pal, and getting into the habit of eating less and losing a bit of extra weight before I find out either way. I think the earliest I would know is Monday. And to be honest I think I would rather wait til at least Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm hoping I can keep my mind occupied til then. I almost reached for a test, but it would be far cheaper for me to wait for my period rather than test a few days before it arrives, get a negative and then still be wondering!!
I am trying my hardest not to think I am because the stress of whether I am or not can easily bring about a delay of periods, as I experienced almost exactly 4 years ago today, the cycle before I conceived Robert! I came on 2 weeks late, on 16th February, which gave me my 22nd November due date.
For now I am trying to focus on My Fitness Pal, and getting into the habit of eating less and losing a bit of extra weight before I find out either way. I think the earliest I would know is Monday. And to be honest I think I would rather wait til at least Tuesday or Wednesday. I'm hoping I can keep my mind occupied til then. I almost reached for a test, but it would be far cheaper for me to wait for my period rather than test a few days before it arrives, get a negative and then still be wondering!!
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