Big update

It's been ages since I posted here, and I so badly want to do a big update on my two boys! But I am guessing that it will be written in several stages!

First of all, my tiniest boy, Christopher. He was 4 weeks old on Saturday! I can't believe it! Part of me is still on my babymoon. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that tiny boy, and his big brother too of course! It is back to some sort of normality here now, with Jonathan being back at work (starting his third week back after Christopher was born), and had the majority of my family and Jonathan's come to see Christopher. My mum spent a week up here after Jonathan went back to work. I don't know whether it was because she was stressed with everything going on with HER mum, or the fact that PND so far has skipped me by (hurrah!!!), or the fact that she had hurt her thumb, has a brace on it and therefore the amount of practical help she could offer me was diminished, or what, but the week with her around got a bit wearing towards the end of it, and I can totally imagine how she felt having her mum staying with them for so long. Little things that you can put up with if you just see someone for a few hours become very annoying and less easy to ignore! But overall the week made me sure that looking after my two little boys would be completely do-able.



I had one day, the day after we got home with Christopher, where I felt that icky ball of anxiety in my stomach about the prospect of looking after two boys, but since then I have been fine! So I'm guessing I had a spate of the baby blues then, but after that day it lifted, and still thoroughly enjoying my two boys!



At 11 days old Christopher was weighed for the 3rd time, and he'd regained his birth weight. He is now 4 weeks and 2 days old, and he feels like such a little lump to me! His cheeks are puffed out, he's got an iddy biddy double chin coming on, and his legs, which were somewhat wrinkled and skinny, are now much fatter and squishy :)



He has long since outgrown the few "early" or "tiny" baby clothes he had, and is filling out newborn quite well! I'm actually panicking a bit because my mum bought him a load of newborn outfits, which it looks like he's not going to wear very much before he outgrows them!! They still feel fairly baggy on him, but the sleepsuits don't have much room left lengthwise - he seems like a very long baby! And indeed, Wednesday afternoon, Sarah and Clodagh came around (Kieran was in nursery), and we held the two babies next to each other - Clodagh, who was born 8 days before Christopher, weighing over 2lb more, and who has outgrown newborn clothes and now into 0-3 month clothes, looked the same size as Christopher, lengthwise at least! But I'm guessing she was chunkier!! I couldn't believe it!!! Christopher isn't going to be weighed again until 3rd November, which is the second Health Visitor appointment, when he'll be 5 weeks and 4 days old.



Christopher is a very calm baby still, he cries very rarely, only when he's hungry and wants a cuddle. He seems to be a baby who doesn't mind being in a wet nappy, which is good because he pees LOADS.. I change him probably 5-6 times a day, and each time his nappy is quite heavy with wee... if he was more fussy, I could imagine that I'd be changing him 10+ times a day or more! He saves all his poos for maybe 2 nappies a day, when he'll do LOADS in one go haha!



I'm very lucky to have such a good milk supply this time. I do find myself needing a cloth to put on my arm before I feed him, because he gets so much milk, he often pulls off, gulping down what must be a huge mouthful of milk in several smaller gulps, while my milk is pouring out of my nipple and onto my clothes/down his face, plus some leaking out of his mouth as well! I never had that to the same extent with Robert, but I guess tandem feeding means my supply is greater from the get go.



4 weeks on and I'm not even contemplating bottle feeding anytime soon, I think it must be going well. I remember with Robert I was on the verge of formula feeding by 2 weeks old, was pulling my hair out with the pain and the bad latch, and the cluster feeding, which must have been made worse by my PND/PTSD. This time with no pain (although I can tell his latch isn't perfect, and it could be better, and I know when he has latched on perfectly - very rare but I don't mind as he is getting plenty of milk I know, and I have no pain), the cluster feeds can be wearing, as can the lack of sleep (Christopher, unlike his brother who did 5-6 hours at night between feeds from the get-go, is good if he goes 3 hours between feeds), and the cluster feeding and night-time is when I am most likely to lose my rag, although I've never had the want to lose my rag with Christopher, again, unlike with Robert.



I do find myself thinking in a way, it's such a shame I didn't have the knowledge of Robert's breastfeeding experiences, the knowledge and experience of taking care of Robert etc, before having Robert. I almost wrote without having Robert, rather than before having Robert, but that's not true, I don't wish I didn't have Robert of course, but I know that with Robert I had the PND, from what I remember he was a needier baby than Christopher, or maybe everything's just so much easier this time because I "know babies" this time. I feel that I would be so relaxed if it were just Christopher and me, but at the same time, I love the fact that Christopher is so calm and that I CAN do things with Robert while Christopher is asleep. I hope that has made some sense and won't be mis-interpretted by anyone! I guess in a nutshell I mean that I am finding Christopher such an easy baby to take care of, despite the sleep thing and the cluster feeding, it's a shame he wasn't my first baby! But then the fact that I didn't have the experience of babies and breastfeeding might make it more difficult if that makes sense!!



Anyway! Onto the Big Brother! It's becoming easier and easier to think of Robert as such, seeing the two of them together. Every day I look at Robert now and marvel at how tall he is, how grown up his mannerisms are, how cheeky, how scrummy, how BIG he is. When he comes up to me and asks me for "gah-gee", then lays down with his head on my lap while he nurses, it boggles me how only his head and shoulders lay on my lap, and how his body fills up almost the rest of the sofa! And to think he was once a tiny baby who could fit lengthways along my thighs almost completely is just crazy... how sad in a way you don't notice that one day they are suddenly a cheeky independant TALL little boy when they were once a tiny helpless dependant baby.



I often find he has helped himself to fruit from the dining table while I've been upstairs changing Christopher's nappy, or making Robert lunch, or doing household chores... I came in today to find he'd almost demolished an apple he'd got while I was in the kitchen making him a sandwich.



One of the main challenges I will find myself trying to overcome, is spending enough time doing something fun each day with Robert. I desperately want to make sure that he is not being left to his own devices all day every day while I try and stay on top of the washing up, laundry (the only housework I really prioritise to be honest, vacuuming the carpet comes third but everything else only gets done when/if I have time), and feed/change/cuddle Christopher. At the moment it is not too difficult, as Christopher sleeps for fairly long stretches during the day, but I know as the months roll on, Christopher will become more needy, and I will need to find things to keep him entertained at the same time. Last week though I managed to do a painting session with Robert during one of Christopher's naps. He and I both thoroughly enjoyed it!



I think the trick for me not becoming stressed is to make sure I have everything I will need to hand, not only for during the painting, but afterwards, for the cleaning up as well, before we even start. While Robert watched with interest (it was pretty much an unplanned treat - Robert found his arts and crafts box, and I suddenly fancied doing painting with him!) while I set up his table (put a waterproof sheet underneath for paint splashes/dropped implements, covered his table with newspaper), got some white card from upstairs (a handful incase he wanted to do more than one sheet), got a bucket of warm soapy water and put it on the waterproof sheet next to the table, and got a plastic plate, a brush, a foam brush and a foam roller from the box, and then I went and found an old stained white t-shirt, tied it so the neck wasn't loose around Robert's, and then finally set him loose on the paint!



He really enjoyed it, loved using the brush, and in particular the roller, which he called his "car", and loved driving it across the paper!



Several sheets of paper later, I showed him (as his hands were already very mucky) that he could use his fingers and hands to make prints on the paper, which he enjoyed very much too :)



Of course it wasn't long before some got on his face! And when I said "Oh no, look at your face!" he immediately put his hand once again to his face and made it messier!! Haha!



I'm so glad that Christopher stayed asleep for the painting session. Seven sheets of card later, Robert was showing signs of getting bored with painting, picking the roller up and spinning it in mid air to watch the paint flick off, etc. So I got him to wash his hands in the bucket, (I put his "car" in there as well for him to help clean) while I washed my hands, and his face, and gave the plate, brushes and foam roller a quick rinse over as well. He objected a bit to having to stop, but was easily distracted while I cleaned up, and put everything away.



I want to try and make that a regular activity for us to do. And think of more as well! He really enjoys playdough as well, which I did with him in the week my mum spent with us. And we've bought some playdough cutters, a rolling pin, and there's a cutting implement as well in the box, as well as some rolls of "soft stuff" which I wasn't too fussed about - I like making my own playdough - but it came in with the cutters.



I want to try and do some cooking with him too - set out with easy things, like rice crispie cakes, and go on to more complicated things like fairy cakes, rock buns, etc. It's so lovely doing things with him now he's older and more appreciative of activities like that. But also lovely things to do would be nature walks, trying to find and collect things while out and about, which we could then incorporate in artwork maybe!



One thing I'm not looking forward to in the coming weeks is Robert's 2 year review at the hospital. At his 18 month one, the doctor was quite plain in that he thought Robert's speech (and therefore maybe his hearing) wasn't up to scratch. I was confident he'd improve - which he has - just not as much as I'd have hoped. He occasionally uses two word sentences, mainly out of habit though than spontenaity. Things like "tv please" - tv was once "ee-eeeee" and has now degenerated into "YAYAY" (it's usually shouted), and please is "izzzziz". His vocabulary has increased but is still mostly unrecognisable to strangers. His main recognisable words are "car" "more" "mama" "dada" "nah-nah" (for banana) and then his animal noises, most of which are surprisingly accurate!



As most two year olds are capable of saying 3 word sentences, I'm pretty sure that assuming we see the same doctor again, Robert will be referred to have his hearing checked (there's nothing wrong with his hearing that we can tell, he understands everything we say to him) and then possibly speech therapy. Oh, and co-incidentally, Alice, it's not looking good, Robert has less than a month to start saying 3 word sentences before you have to eat your hat! Here's hoping that it won't be long before he is saying more, I'm confident that it won't be too much longer before he's starting on sentences, but I am a little concerned about his pronounciations. We'll just have to wait and see what the doctor says when we see them in less than 2 weeks time.



Anyway, one last photo before I attempt to get both the boys ready and out the house for an hour or so... Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed recording it. :)

2 weeks old - little darling!

Well, Christopher was 2 weeks old yesterday. My they have flown by, it seems like he's been here for much longer though, somehow! Life has just seamlessly sown him into our lives, and goodness knows if I am tempting fate by saying this, but he is such a calm, peaceful, and dare I say it - easy baby. I cannot remember the first two weeks being so easy with Robert. Yes, I know the first week of it we spent in hospital, the majority of that with him in special care. And then adjusting to actually having a little person we were suddenly soley responsible for, adjusting to changing nappies, breastfeeding, settling him down for naps, learning how to do things around the house while caring for a baby...

This time, everything seems to just be second nature. Breastfeeding is going extremely well. My supply is settling down and I'm no longer painfully engorged at night or between feeds. I still do get slightly uncomfortably full, and I am leaking like crazy from the other breast whenever I feed one child or the other from a full breast. Sometimes if I don't check my breastpads very often I don't realise that it's soaked through before I start leaking again with a feed and it just soaks through EVERYTHING! Yesterday after a feed, I had to change my bra, my t-shirt, AND I had to change Christopher because it had soaked the leg of his sleepsuit!

I am coping well with the nightfeeds, although it is still tiring as I don't often doze off during a feed (although I feed lying down in the dark), and then after he's finished, he needs burping, and occasionally changing too. And then sometimes feeding again if he wakes up after a change ;) And then another burp before he can go back to his cot.

I still can't get over how little he feels to me. Compared with my chunk of a newborn Robert, Christopher seems so teeny tiny, his legs and arms are so spindly, although, I noticed with some satisfaction today that his little thighs do seem chubbier than they did even a week ago. :) The health visitor came to see me when Christopher was 11 days old. She weighed him and he gained back to his birth weight of 7lb 9oz.. in fact because they go by kg, he was very slightly over. Looking up the conversion chart, Christopher's birth weight was actually more like 7lb 8.5oz rather than 7lb 9oz, and going by the conversion chart after the Health Visitor left, Christopher was just over 7lb 9oz. So yes, he's gained weight well considering at 5 days old he had lost 10oz from his birth weight. :) I am confident that things are going well, he has lots of wet and dirty nappies, and he sometimes splutters at the breast with the speed of my let down, which is completely new to me as with Robert I found that although I had enough milk, it was never a fast let down and he usually had to feed for ages before he had had enough!

Emotionally I am so much calmer, happier and less anxious than I was with Robert. I do not feel worried at all at the prospect of looking after Robert and Christopher by myself, maybe this is partly due to the fact it's my second baby, partly due to the fact that Christopher seems so much more laid back than Robert was, and partly due to the hopeful absense of post-natal depression. Jonathan goes back to work tomorrow, but my Mum is coming down for the week like she did with Robert, to help see me through the days in whatever help I need of her (although this help will be somewhat limited this time due to her injuring her thumb through knitting too much!!). I am also wondering what the likelihood will be that I will be able to maybe go to the salon in town and get my hair cut will be... and how confident my mum would be on looking after both boys for the hour or two I'll be gone, or if maybe I should/could take Christopher with me and see what happens there!

My newest little boy is such a darling I can hardly put into words how much I love him, although at the moment it seems to be more of an infactuation and just still generally "babymoon"ish. I could sit and stare at him, or have him laying on my chest for hours on end. He is just so unbelievably delicious, and all of a sudden I am swamped in these old memories of Robert as a newborn, remembering the darling little birdy faces, snuffling sounds and just adorableness of a rooting baby, kissing his little cheeks and mouth to make him swing his head from side to side to get at what is touching his cheeks.

He is so much more alert now, we are getting lots of interested looks, and so many lovely facial expressions, and he even manages to copy a surprised look sometimes with a lovely little O for a mouth ;)

What is also amazing is how in these 2 short weeks how much it has grown to look like his big brother. I know a lot of people think he always has done so, but I think due to him being so small his face was a lot more screwed up and it was hard to see, ut I think now he's beginning to get a bit of chubb on his face and his wrinkly face is smoothing out a bit, I can definitely see the likeness between them now!




I am just so excited to see my tiny one grow up, to see his personality begin to shine out, and to watch how his relationship with his big brother blossoms. :) And while I am cherishing these newborn moments, I am also really looking forward to his future developments and achievements, all his firsts!

9 days old! Photos!

Well my little Squidge, Christopher, is now 9 days old! I can hardly believe that it's been so long since he rocketted into the world and into our lives well and truly :)

He is such a delightful, calm baby, full of lots of lovely expressions.







I could just cuddle him for hours if there wasn't the need to get things done, or sleep! He has yet to cry for anything other than a nappy change! When I think back to Robert as a newborn, I'm SURE he used to cry a whole lot more! Part of me is wondering whether it's our attentiveness and the fact that we are so much more experienced as parents this time round? But either way he is very calm, and he will sleep in his cot with no problems, or in his bouncer, meaning that we can spend a lot of time playing with Robert and I think this is helping him to adjust to having a new tiny baby brother!

Christopher and I had been home only a few hours, when Robert decided he wanted to join Christopher in having some Mummy Milk. :) I am so happy that Jonathan took some photos of my first time tandem feeding my two boys!





It has certainly eased jealousy and I am more than happy to allow Robert to join his brother if he asks. Now, Robert will sometimes reach over and hold Christopher's hand while they both nurse :) It's so sweet! So sweet, I just embarrassingly had a strong let down thinking about it and leaked all over my top!









He really is a sweet big brother :)

Anyway, tonight we have put a duvet and pillow on Robert's cot for the first time, and he's already once climbed out and started crying, so I put him back in, tucked him in and sang him more songs... he seems to find it quite cozy but it is so different to him as he's not slept under a cover since he was about a few months old (since we discovered baby sleeping bags!), and he sleeps on his front, with just his jammies on. So hoping that he will get on well with it! Fingers crossed!

5 days old

I would have been 39 weeks pregnant today, but instead I have had my little Christopher here for 5 whole days :) We are slowly settling into a routine, getting our tactics sorted out for how to get a semi decent night's sleep. Robert if I remember rightly slept 5 hours at a time from when we got him home, but then he was 6 days old by the time we got him home so maybe.. just maybe! Hehe! Christopher last night slept for about 3 hours between feeds, which was better than the last two nights so fingers crossed for something similar tonight. I was awake though from 3am at least last night though with painfully engorged breasts, and so in the end I decided to get up, and hand express some. I again got 2oz, but from just the one breast that time and although it was still quite engorged I was at least able to get some sleep.

I have been using Robert as a pump when he's been awake and willing. He sometimes refuses if I offer, if the other thing on offer seems better at the time ;) This morning he nursed for a long time, emptying one breast and having a good go at the other, before Christopher woke up. He also nursed alongside Christopher during the day once, and another time when I was simply holding his baby brother he came and asked for milky. Then again this evening he nursed from both breasts so hopefully engorgement won't be as bad tonight. The first tandem feed showed that Robert was quite possessive over my breasts, he tried to pull Christopher off by his legs! But now he simply looks over from time to time, with interest, or indifference. He occasionally reaches over and holds Christopher's hand while nursing as well which is sweet :)

He seems to find Christopher very fascinating right now, and loves to sit and watch him, and although we've now told him not to touch Christopher's face, he does still now try and put his whole hand covering Christopher's face (which is slightly better than poking his eyes out I suppose, he doesn't cover it in a manner that would suffocate him). When I feed Robert on our bed with Christopher in the cot, if Christopher makes a noise, Robert will look up and smile as he watches his baby brother for a while before continuing to nurse :)

Sometimes I do see Robert in Christopher, but other times he looks completely different! I think because Christopher is sooo much smaller than Robert was at birth it is hard to see similarities, because Christopher's face is more wrinkled up.

Christopher was weighed today when the midwife came over. He has lost 7% of his birth weight which is in the acceptable limits, so now weighs a diddy 6lb 15oz. I never had a weighing with Robert at this stage, but he was weighed at 2 weeks and he was back to his birth weight exactly then. I do hope that Christopher gains back to his birth weight well by the time he's two weeks old. I guess over the next week he will be getting a fair amount of mature milk and will hopefully be less sleepy and will feed longer.

I'm starting to get some after pains now, I thought I'd skipped them as I didn't get anything really before today. That combined with I guess the drop of hormones and general "after birth" body changes has given me slight uneasy feelings, which I'm confident will pass although having remembered them with Robert it does worry me a little but I know I will be able to keep an eye on my feelings and Jonathan will be as well. The fact that I have had a much better birth experience and been able to bond straight away with Christopher, and the fact that it all isn't quite so "new" is comforting to me, and knowing that all I really have to do is take things one step at a time and everything will be ok. Those feelings did pass with Robert, and they will pass if I get them to any stage with Christopher as well.

Something which I will be starting off at is beginning to lose this weight. I might have mentioned before but I want to get down to 12 stone by this time next year, which only means me losing 39lb (I weighed in at 14 stone 11lb yesterday which I am pleased at, less than 3 stone to lose this year!) and will put me at a BMI at just into overweight rather than obese. Of course I might even lose more and be into the healthy range, but 12 stone is a goal I am happy with for now. My appetite isn't very big right now, normal sized meals leave me feeling bloated, so I might well not even be trying to lose weight properly and still managing to!

I am still nervous about my blood sugar, and whether or not my diabetes will stick around. Apparently it can take a few weeks for levels to get back to normal. This morning porridge left me with a reading of 7 which is good for diabetes but I can't remember what porridge used to do to my levels in pregnancy as I never had it very often. I'll be having another GTT in about 5 weeks time to find out if I do still have it, and I really hope I don't, obviously. Anyway will go for now, I'd quite like to sit down and relax with a nice cuppa before I think about waking up the little man. :)

3 days old

Ahhh, well Christopher is 3 days old (well almost, half an hour or so til he is properly!). Tonight will be our second night at home and we are still trying to settle down and into a proper routine (well, as much as having a newborn around can have a routine!).

I had my first home visit from the midwife today, not my antenatal one unfortunately, but maybe I'll get to see Beverley later this week. She did of course turn up during Robert's nap (and also at a time we managed to get Christopher asleep in his cot!) grrr. She's happy enough with everything, except the fact that Christopher hadn't pooed since Monday morning (he has since done one - hurrah!) and she said if he hadn't done one by 9am tomorrow to phone up the community midwives office to arrange an extra home visit, but since he has pooed, all is well, for now :)

My milk has come in last night, it's still the "changing" milk so there isn't a HUGE amount of it, but there is enough to make my little man gulp away while feeding, and to produce MASSIVE burps lol! And definitely more of it than there was with Robert. Christopher now feeds for roughly half an hour at a go due to the increase in milk, compared to 1 hour+ (with tickles to keep him awake) while I was in hospital. My breasts have been very engorged today, even after Robert going on one for a long time they still feel hard and sore. So hopefully they'll settle down soon, but I did express some milk earlier in the evening, and I got about 2oz, just under, which I think is pretty good going for 3 days post partum!

Christopher has just woken, and Jonathan's changing his nappy. Poor little soul does NOT enjoy nappy changes, and SCREAMS until his little legs have been tucked away again into his babygrow :) He did another poo so yay for that :)

Anyway, gotta go! We're hoping we have a better night than last night - little man wouldn't bring up his wind properly and would only sleep well on his side, and even then that was for barely 15 minutes! In the end we brought him into bed with us as that was the only way he ended up sleeping for longer than half an hour, and even then I kept waking up with a dead arm. He's slept much better in his cot today, so fingers crossed it will be a bit better!

Squidge(aka Christopher!!)'s Birth Story

On Saturday morning, the 25th, we headed into hospital having left Robert with Jonathan's parents. When we got there, we were taken up into the antenatal ward where other women were waiting to be induced. We were told that due to the delivery suite being busy, all the inductions were being postponed, but in the meantime, before I could be induced, they needed to monitor the baby's heartbeat and uterine activity, so they would know how Squidge was fairing with contractions (not that I got any then, but I suppose as a base level to compare the figures to during labour). So from 8.30am, until 9.30am I was hooked up to this, then at 9.30 when the midwife was happy with the reading, she put the prostin in, and monitored me for another hour on the machine.

At 10.30am she let me off it finally, and encouraged me to move around and keep active, so Jonathan and I went for a walk around the hospital, through the basement corridors, up and down stairs, into the main hospital to "explore" as it was cold outside, and pretty much the entire time I had a long continuous braxton hicks contraction. After about 20-30 minutes we went back to the ward as I was getting a bit tired, and I had a bounce on the birthing ball we'd taken up with us. The girl across the bed from me was very friendly, so we chatted, she was being induced that evening I believe but she had already been in a few days.

After a little while, Jonathan left to go back and see Robert, as nothing was really happening, and there was probably about 45 minutes or so between Jonathan leaving and my Mum showing up. We chatted for a while, she knitted and I bounced. Over the next couple of hours, my constant braxton hicks was slowly morphing into regular-ish braxton hicks contractions, some of which I was beginning to need to breathe through. I decided to stop bouncing and to lay down on the bed and see if they continued, and they did. I started timing them, and while they weren't dead on regular or equal duration, they were very close together, within 1.5 and 2.5 minutes between them. After another half an hour of monitoring or so, she came back and told me that she didn't think much was happening (or words to that effect) because they weren't regular in strength or frequency. So she did an internal on me, and found me to be 3-4cm, with my waters bulging. That HURT, she told me was because my cervix was posterior and she had to try and get to it and "walk it forward" a bit. And my cervix was still quite thick. Anyway by this time I had told Jonathan to come back so he and my mum were both there.

Around 4pm I was admitted to the labour ward to room N ("for Norman" lol - "Or Nicola?" I joked). We got settled in and we even got one of the big beanbags through from the day room. I felt a bit bad in a way because it all seemed rather boring, I would bounce on my birth ball, fall silent during contractions, and Mum and Jonathan were just sitting around it seemed. But I guess they did have each other for company.

Around 7pm the midwife (Cathy) told me she'd like to do an examination at 7.30, I can't remember the reason now but I told her I'd rather wait a little longer to see if things progressed on their own. As a compromise we agreed on 8pm, so she left and I settled down on the beanbag to listen to the birthing affirmations. About half an hour later it finished so I got up and got on the birth ball again. After a few minutes I became concerned because I had realised during the affirmations that the contractions weren't as bad but I thought that was because I was relaxed. When they didn't seem more intense again on the birthing ball it struck that something wasn't quite right, especially when I was able to walk to the midwife station without getting a single one. There Cathy suggested I walk around until 8pm to see if they did come on again.

Off we went, and yes they did pick up again but they weren't anywhere near the strength they were before, so just before 8 we got back to the room. This is undoutedly where things got more interesting for my birthing partners!

Jonathan, shortly after we got back, said something he probably regretted several minutes later. "Have you felt Squidge moving lately?" Immediately I started wracking my brains and coming up empty. Enter panic mode! I sat down, started poking my belly, praying that Squidge would move. I managed to move his feet/bum but it didn't prompt him to make his own movements! Worst case senarios immediately started running through my mind. That Squidge had died and that nothing would save him, not emergency c-section, or anything. My mum started to try and comfort me saying that if things were wrong they would get him out quick with c-section and he'd be ok, but I was almost crying and saying "Not if Squidge is already dead!" And she tried to comfort me again saying "Squidge isn't dead, sweetheart" but it didn't comfort me. Jonathan went to get Cathy in asap but she was busy with another woman and I was still panicking.

Eventually she came in and I begged her to check Squidge's heartbeat. It didn't come up straight away and I laid on the bed thinking "please please please", and then she found it, and relief (albeit cautious relief) flooded my body and mind. She then said she'd check my cervix again, and she said "if you're not dilated more than 7 I would like to break your waters, but if you're more than 7 we can leave you, is that ok?" and still shocked and upset from Squidge's lack of movement I agreed straight away, and in a way I was relieved when she said I was still 3-4 cm, and that she'd break my waters. So she did this with her "magic wand" (giving mum and Jonathan a giggle) and oh my god the PAIN. My cervix was still posterior and I was sucking on gas and air for all my worth while she was doing this. She made several surprised sounds, and "oh my gosh it's going everywhere!" and "if your waters had gone in Marks and Spencers you'd have made a fortune!" She was still wriggling something about in there and I didn't know why because I could feel my feet getting wet, and for some reason I took the gas and air out of my mouth and started to cry!

It was probably because of the whole worry over Squidge's movements but as soon as I started to cry, Cathy stopped fiddling around in there and took her hand out, Jonathan rushed over to me and held my hand, and Cathy said it was probably because it brought back memories that I cried, and I thought 'but my waters popped in the birth pool last time' and was quite confused until after I realised she probably meant the worry about the baby.

Anyway Cathy told me the instant my waters were broken I went from 3-4 cm to 5 cm straight away. Shortly after that happened she changed over, she seemed really disappointed she couldn't stay to see the birth as she clocked off at 9pm and introduced me to the other midwife who took over from her. I can't remember her name, but anyway Cathy left, and the other midwife stayed behind.

Very shortly after that happened I was having contractions on the table, during which I groaned/grunted through (unable to focus completely and stay silent like before) and after a few, I got a slight urge to bear down which I told everyone about. I half heartedly did so and then said that I wanted to kneel on the beanbag leaning against the bed (my chosen delivery position). They brought the beanbag over to the bed and put one of those sheet things with the waterproof backing on top and I knelt either side of it while they put other sheets around. I leaned over onto the bed and with the next contraction, bore down as hard as I could, at the same time letting out a very very loud primal-esque groan for the length of the contraction, and I could feel his head coming down very fast, and within what seemed like seconds (although maybe 20-30 of them!) I could feel his head get to the verge of crowning. All the way through I heard the midwife, my mum and Jonathan all calling out various things to me like "oh well done!" "keep going!" "clever girl!" "I'm so proud of you!" Part of me wanted to take a break as that contraction was wearing me out but there was still some behind me so I just went for it, and all of a sudden I was being told to pant out his body! It all slid out just after the contraction finished and a few seconds later I heard what really was a magical sound, of Squidge letting out a cry, and then a little while later, Jonathan saying tearfully "It's a boy!" I remember feeling really surprised, but so emotional and happy, and due to my position while I could twist round and see him a little, I couldn't really move. The midwife called out "Nine oh eight!" which for some reason the first thing that popped into my head was 9lb 8oz lol and thought that was odd how could she have weighed him so soon! But of course she meant the time he was born :)

After the midwife cut the cord (probably the easiest thing to do given my position even though it was in my birth plan not to) I climbed back onto the bed, and was given my baby boy :) We spent the next 3-4 hours or so in that room, first of all being given clotting meds for my bleeding, the placenta coming away easily, and cuddling my baby boy and letting him (for the most part, I moved him slightly closer to the breast so he could see it) move himself and latch on, where he stayed for absolutely ages, then came off, and went on again and during this time mum came over to me and said she'd probably better be heading off soon but wanted to see him weighed and also a cuddle, anyway in the end little man decided to keep mum waiting far too long so she headed off without, under the proviso she could come back the next day and have her cuddle then.

Finally, after my stitches (a whole load for a "superficial" 2nd degree tear from a perfectionist midwife lol) and then later a bath (oh my goodness how heavenly is that first bath after childbirth???!!!), and we were ready to go up to the ward.

There you have it. :) Christopher Jon Hunt's birth story, welcome to the world little man!











Just wanted to edit this to add what a lovely supportive midwife Cathy was. It's a shame she couldn't stick around for the whole birth. She read my birth plan and although she did sometimes accidently slip and ask me what the "pains" were like - to me they weren't pain again, they were simply contractions, tightenings. Whenever a midwife came in, Cathy included, they kept saying how lovely and peaceful it was in my delivery room, and how they wanted to stay there lol! I had the lights dimmed and music playing.. I don't know what the vast majority of their hospital births are like, but I guess neither of those.

I think, despite the contractions feeling stronger than with Robert's labour, I definitely felt more in control and that might have been what made the difference. I knew what I wanted, what was important to me, what I would be willing to let go, and from past experience, how to position myself. As I was lying on the bed and feeling the urge to push (again, from having read my birth plan, my midwife did not ask to examine me to check I was "ok" to push, as I specifically wrote that I wanted to use my body as a guide during labour), I very calmly thought to myself "now's the time to move, so I stated clearly I wanted to get into the delivering position, feeling very in control, and I think despite the speed in which he descended, I did still feel in control, I was thinking to myself part way through that I was getting tired, and was tempted to stop, but as my contraction was still going, I made the conscious decision to keep bearing down as hard as I could!

How strange though, that I have now forgotten the sensation, I remember recollecting shortly after, wondering how I gave birth to Robert. Which makes me think that pushing Christopher out must have been tough, but overall it was such a positive birth experience, and even with it being induced, I was fully able to cope without pain relief (for the actual labour). This even without Hypnobirthing fresh in my mind, just from re-visiting the book, listening to the CDs and practicing breathing techniques again.

Our little Squidge has arrived

As most of you know, our little Squidge arrived at 9.08pm yesterday (25th September) weighing an absolutely diddy 7lb 9oz! Little Christopher Jon is absolutely perfect and has been breastfeeding for every feed. Due to my diabetes they are checking his blood sugar levels pre feeds, and so far they have not been satisfactory, due to him being quite sleepy and not actually crying for milk yet! It has been an effort to keep him awake and for him to actually have a good long feed, although he did manage it for his last feed, where he fed well for over an hour! So fingers crossed for his next BM.

On the matter of the birth, in a nutshell I had given birth vaginally within 12 hours of being given my first and only pessary! I did also need to have my waters broken, during this process I used gas and air but other than that I didn't use any pain relief despite the contractions being a lot more intense and uncomfortable much earlier on than with Robert's labour.

All in all, my birth experience was very much a positive one, although, maybe due to the speed in which the 2nd phase progressed, I have no idea how on earth I managed to get a 10lb baby out! There was also a time I panicked because Jonathan had asked me when I last felt Squidge move and then realised I couldn't remember, so I really panicked until I was monitored. I had the worst case scenario of Squidge already being dead and there being nothing we could do... but luckily of course Squidge was alright!

I am waiting for him to wake for his feed and he either just pooed or farted, so I might change him and see if he wakes. Hopefully I can update this tomorrow from home, but I'll keep you informed! I can't wait to write his birth story!