30 weeks 1 day - feeling down.

I have had a pretty bad day today.

This morning I found out that a friend of mine is annoyed at me for something I did on Monday. Basic story - her son came over and started hitting Robert for no reason. This boy has a tendancy to hit and has been doing it a lot lately, whereupon the mum will tell him off (not as I would do it, but at least she is trying). As I was nearby (closer to the boys than this friend of mine), I said to the boy "No, please don't hit Robert, he doesn't like it." calmly and firmly, before picking him up, lifting him over me and putting him on the floor the other side of me, away from Robert. I picked him up instead of Robert because he was closer and my aim was to stop Robert from getting hit as soon as possible. Her son then went on to try and hit a few other children, and she took him out of the room and left. This morning one of the staff said to me that she'd heard there was an "issue", which left me rather confused as I'd put the incident out of my mind and thought no more of it.

Just before group ended I went over to her and my other friend, she then made her excuses and left to go home. I touched her shoulder and asked if she was ok, to which I got a brief and cold "yes" before she walked away. Then when I got home, found out she'd blocked me from viewing her wall (yet not deleted me from her friends) on facebook. Judging by lack of statuses from her in my feed I'm guessing she did that on Monday as the last thing I heard from her was on Monday morning. I'm upset and to be honest quite annoyed that she has not approached me to talk about it as it has clearly been bothering her for 4 days, I would have afforded my friends the courtesy of talking to them instead of ignoring them and bearing a grudge over something she doesn't even know why I did it. I messaged her at 2pm with a very polite message and 7 hours later no reply... So that's point one that makes me feel shit today.

Then this afternoon I got a phonecall from the GP saying that the urine sample they sent off from my consultant appointment had shown I have an infection and that there was a prescription of antibiotics waiting for me there. So along with the 3 times daily 1 hour after mealtime finger prick tests, the insulin injections before breakfast, I now have to remember to take antibiotics 4 times a day for 5 days.

I feel right now that whatever can go wrong with this pregnancy will go wrong, I'll end up taking tablets, injections gallore, plus the million and one appointments to last til I pop this baby out. I'm thoroughly expecting to be told that my 28 week blood tests I had done on Wednesday will come back that I'm low on iron and need tablets for that too. I'm just sitting here and feeling like I'm going to burst into tears. I know I know I know that some women have it worse than me. That to hear me moan would make them want to slap me and tell me to suck it up, or worse.

On one hand I just feel like I want to climb into bed, and wake up in October and have the baby and be done with the whole being pregnant thing. But on the other hand, I'm now getting the horrid feeling that I don't want this baby to come, that when the baby arrives I won't be able to cope and I get that horrid feeling in my stomach that I had with Robert in the early weeks when I think about the new baby being here.

Please be aware that I am realising how this sounds, that it sounds like I could have ante-natal depression. Right now I don't know if it's because I've had a particularly bad day, or because I am starting to become depressed. I will be waiting it out for another week or so, see how I feel then, if I still feel down the majority of the time I will tell my midwife on my next visit, which is on the 9th August, or if it's particularly bad in the meantime, make an appointment to see a doctor.