Well I am so very very nearly 16 weeks pregnant now. How is this possible???!! It was only a couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the edge of my bath holding a positive pregnancy test in my shaking hand! That was when I was 4 weeks pregnant exactly! It seems absolutely crazy how fast this pregnancy is whizzing by. But to be honest I don't mind that the last 12 weeks have whizzed by, the first 16 weeks of pregnancy are the worst in my opinion. Before the 12 week scan you have NO idea how things are going. You just plod on, hoping that lack of cramps and bleeding is a good sign that all is going how it should. Then you get that magical day when you see your tiny baby and KNOW that you didn't imagine that line on the test, that there really is a real little baby inside you all snug, and that it's alright, and not an alien, or anything else for that matter! But then you have a month to wait for the next real sign that baby is ok, seeing the midwife and hearing the heartbeat. I have felt baby kick before I went to see her but I had forgotten just how slight the first kicks are. How easy it is to doubt yourself as to whether those little pops and bubbly feelings were baby kicking or just wind in your gut.
Yesterday I heard Squidge's heartbeat. What a lovely sound! She put the doppler on my belly, and that VERY instant, there was the baby's heartbeat! How lovely she found it straight away, no 5 second wait worrying she wouldn't find it, there it was! Hearing that heartbeat was just wonderful, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And confirmation that the little pops unaccompanied by any obvious wind (sorry!) were my little Squidge kicking away in there! S/he is about the size of a pear now, about 11cm long from crown to rump (just over 4 inches) and weighs about 3oz. S/he is beginning to hiccup in preparation for breathing, and is also learning to grab his/her umbilical cord and grasp it! How amazing that in just 3 and a half short months they can go from being a single cell, a fertilised egg, into a being that is just a tiny, perfect little person, growing and learning day by day even inside the uterus, learning how to survive in the world outside Mummy's tummy.
The night before my midwife appointment, I had a dream, my FIRST baby related dream since conception (that I remember!). I was in labour, about to give birth to my baby. I wasn't in hospital, I was in a place I don't really remember, or recognise from my dream particularly, but it was dim, with a soft reddish/brown hue. It was a quick and easy labour, and baby was being born, even though I remember there were no midwives here yet!! But I was calm, and birthed my baby, reaching down to receive it. When it was born, I pulled it up and onto my chest, where I breathed in every detail. My little baby was absolutely perfect in every way, and I held it, and prayed that it would cry so I knew it was ok. It did cry, briefly, which was the most wonderful sound ever! I suddenly realised that I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl! So I looked, and it was a girl! We had no name for her, but I spent the next while in my dream just cuddling my baby girl, she suckled a bit at my breast, and it was just WONDERFUL. The midwife had finally turned up, and eventually they weighed my baby girl, and she weighed in at 9lb 15oz! Just 1oz short of Robert's birth weight, but I remember thinking "wow, just 1oz less than Robert and she was a week early too!"
It was just such a wonderful, peaceful dream, and I didn't want to wake up! And who knows if my dream was right, only one thing is determined right now, and that's Squidge's gender. So my dream has a 50/50 chance of being right. However, the other two parts of my dream aren't determined yet, so just imagine if they turn out to be true too, that Squidge is a week early, and weighs 9lb 15oz! I will be looking forward eagerly to more dreams. I love pregnancy dreams! For the most part, I had a couple of disturbing dreams (mainly erotic ones with people who I REALLY shouldn't be doing or WANTING to do erotic things with!!!) but they were mostly fun and interesting :) Especially the baby related dreams!
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