I'm beginning to see why Alice has two separate journals one for pregnancy/ttc and one for "the kids". I am beginning to feel like everything right now has become all mushed up in one place!
Right now, the last week I am beginning to see the reappearance of a few symptoms. Well I started getting sore boobs for the first time this pregnancy about a couple of weeks ago. They're not too bad now, although it can sometimes be sore to nurse Robert. He only nurses in the morning after waking and in the night before bedtime now, and has done since maybe 13/14 months old which was when I cut out his afternoon nap milk. He seems to enjoy his morning milk more than his night time milk, sometimes he just faffs about for ages tweaking, pinching, pulling and arghhh it just really winds me up! Why I've not got around to getting a nursing necklace yet I don't know!!!
I also have had a few instances of feeling sick. Sort of... it's a bit of an odd sensation, but usually a trip to the toilet sorts it out. So those and the constant peeing are the only real indications I have that all are going ok in there. Last night as I was falling asleep I remember feeling what could have been kicks. I'm just not certain anymore. These next 6 days could not go fast enough for me. I'm DESPERATE to hear Squidge's heartbeat. I just wish it was next Monday already! Luckily the weather seems to be cheering up, and with it my spirits. I adore it when it's warm and sunny! The world just seems to be a nicer place, it's just a wonderful feeling! I'm hoping that the weather will remain nice and bright and sunny this week so I can get washing done, spend lots of time in the garden with Robert, go on walks, picnics maybe! Just lots of fun things to pass the time.
I still have had no gender dreams. Not a single one. In fact I've had very few dreams to do with the baby whatsoever. I was thinking to myself actually this week that I would LOVE if Squidge was a boy!! Which surprised me so much! I watch Robert with Kieran (my friend Sarah's 3 year old) and we just realised actually that the age gap between them is almost EXACTLY the same age gap as will be between Robert and Squidge! And they play together so beautifully I think with each passing day how lovely and WONDERFUL an age gap of 22 and a half months is! And imagine, two little brothers! I know that at a small age no matter if it was a boy or a girl they would be close but as they grow up together I just feel sometimes that the gender divide might get stronger especially as they approach their teens and start their dislike of the opposite gender! It's not always the case I know, but I just think how lovely it would be to have 2 boys so close in age growing up and staying close forever! But at the same time my heart does yearn for a little girl as we have a boy already and a little girl would just be lovely.
Part of me is seriously considering NOT finding out the sex at the next scan! Because I really can 100% say that I will be thrilled with either sex! And how lovely would the surprise be at the end, to have Jonathan looking at me and saying "we have a beautiful baby.....*insert gender here*!" But I think Jonathan has his mind set on finding out. We have a while to go still until the scan. 6 weeks and 3 days to make up my mind, and then to possibly persuade Jonathan.
Names are still unknown. In fact we have not discussed them at all since although in my mind I have since crossed off some names and added others. I am so adament that I do not want a popular name for our baby, as I was one of three Nicolas in my primary school class, so I was forever known as "Nicola Br", not even Nicola B as one of the other Nicolas was a Nicola B!! Jonathan does not understand this, he thinks that if we both like a name we should just choose it regardless, that it shouldn't matter how many others of the same name there are in the class/school/town/whatever. But then Jonathan went to a small village school where each year group only had a handful of children in. In fact I think there were 2-3 year groups in one classroom! And he was the only Jonathan.
For a girl recently I had been thinking "Sophie" but that is in the top 5 girls names, I would really ideally want a rarer name. The girl's name at the top of my mind recently has been Eleanor. Boys names: Darryl I have gone off slightly but I still love Callum (37 on the top 2009 names so not bad). Part of me is thinking of making a list of names, shortening it to 3 or so, and then when the baby is born, picking my favourite and persuading Jonathan to name it that! Apparently it works, the baby is born, you look at your hubby and say "ahhhh. Look what I just pushed out. Can we name him x?" and he can't refuse hahaha! Then after a while they can't imagine the baby without that name anyway and love it as much as you! I didn't have to do that with Robert because I loved it so much I got my own way before he was even born lol ;)
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