Tuesday 29 December 2009

New cycle

Aunt Flo has arrived. I finally started getting spotting during the evening of Christmas Day, which I shall regard as the start of my period, by the 26th my period had fully arrived. Which gave me a cycle length of 38 days (sigh) compared to 33 the previous time. So, it appears I am not regular. I am not against charting per se, I just find it a chore, plus it's difficult for me to remember, and also, Robert liking to wake so early means the temp taking first thing before getting up is very difficult to get right even if I do remember!

This cycle Jonathan and I will be at it even more so like bunnies than last month (double sigh, it takes a lot out of me even though I enjoy it!!) and unlike last cycle we won't stop until I am sure my period is here, or until I test positive. Last cycle we stopped basically around the time I got sick, although we then had sex again about a week later. If that doesn't work.... then I might think about getting some ovulation sticks.

I actually got quite upset over aunt flo's arrival this month. I felt like we had tried so hard that it was owed to us, plus we have been trying since August, although I have only had 2 cycles, I figured that since we got pregnant with Robert straight away it'd be the same again.

I know I should count my blessings and even if we never have another child, we have one healthy, happy, gorgeous son, who despite his difficult start to life "on the outside" has developed well, and shows amazing new insight to his world every day. It is a pleasure being with him, learning about who he is, laughing at his silly antics (yesterday, he span around so much on the spot that when he finally tried to walk he staggered about so comically, and then got up and did the same again!!) and just being his mummy. I am SO proud that I am Robert's mummy. So proud that this lovely little boy is all mine, that I made him, carried him, birthed him and am raising him.

I love him to bits and I simply cannot put into words the extent of my love for him. I do not know how, when he gets a brother or sister (he WILL get a brother or sister, eventually!), how they will be loved as much as he is loved. But I'm sure they will be!

Robert had a lovely Christmas, 4 days of opening presents, visiting his grandparents, plus he got to see his Aunty Helen again who he hasn't seen very often really. He loves opening all the presents now and happily rips a small piece of paper off a parcel, then very carefully places it on the ground, before being urged to pull another bit. And makes very appreciative "oooh" sounds when he sees what's inside! (I wonder how long it will be before we get the sighs and the grumpy "That's not what I wanted!!!!" yells!) His favourite presents from Christmas I think has been his big teddy from Great-Nanna, his trolley from Aunty Nicky, Uncle Stephen and Ewan, and his Magna-Doodle from Mummy and Daddy.

We hope you all had lovely christmasses, and that you have a good new year celebration if you have one! I don't know that we will be, I guess we'll see!

Monday 21 December 2009

Late, but not pregnant.

I am late for my period. Assuming of course that I am regular, which I suppose I am not. I did a test this morning. It was negative. Jonathan and I had sex every other day from about 2 days after my period ended, up until a week or so after I should have ovulated based on the 14 days before period due thing. Even though I reckon I ovulated around CD12.

I am beginning to feel a bit dejected, I know I haven't really been trying all that long to get pregnant really. Only since August, and that was even before I had my period. So only 2 months since I've had my period. I guess I just was spoilt with Robert, getting pregnant with him straight away I assumed I would fall quickly this time as well.

And to add insult to injury, I will be spending Christmas with Aunt Flo, assuming she gets her arse into gear and gets here. Urgh. I feel so low. :(

Friday 18 December 2009

Sooo in love

Have I mentioned lately how completely in love I am with my son? I probably don't say it enough, at least not on this blog, although I tell Robert at least once each day how much I love him. Usually more than once, although sometimes at least one of the times is when Robert is being difficult to settle to sleep so I keep repeating in a calm soothing voice "Mummy and Daddy love you very much, we'll be here when you wake up in the morning, now it's time to go to sleep." :) But even if he's not being difficult to settle I make sure it's the last thing he hears at night before he goes to sleep.

He is developing so fast, I am amazed by him every day. He still says nothing that sounds like words, although he will yell "mamamamama!" when he is angry, or tired. And when he is excited he likes to say "Cacacacaca!" but he is now beginning to string different sounds together to make word-like sounds. He doesn't sign to me yet :( We keep doing the sign for milk, drink, eat, but he does not do them to us when he wants one of those things. If he wants milk he usually comes up to me, wailing in a moany way at the top of his voice, and tugs on my top, or tries to lift it up.

But his understanding for things has come on so much! And one of my absolute FAVOURITES is that he understands "Can you give Mummy a kiss?" :D Although he doesn't always feel like giving us kisses. And what is lovely is that in the morning when he gets up, he has some morning time milky, and after he is done, he will clamber over us, and give each of us a big kiss. :)

Sometimes I wonder how I will love another baby as much as I love him. But I know I will, simply from other people expressing the same concerns and then saying afterwards that they do. But right now it just seems odd that there will one day be another little baby in my life that I love just as much as Robert.

Another thing I love about my baby boy is how he seems to subconciously pick up on things without even realising. He loves his cars (what boy doesn't, I guess???!!) and whenever he gets one, he immediately starts pushing it along the floor/sofa/someone's leg and making this super cute "mmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm" noises! But what is really funny is that he does this for anything he starts pushing along. For example, he was eating breakfast one morning, and after a while lost interest in eating it, so he got his toast soldier, started pushing it around his tray with his finger, and made the "mmmrrrrrrrmmmmmmm" noise like it was a car! Sooo cute.

And what is even cuter is how he looks when he's doing it, so funny :)







He is such a cutie, I know I'm biassed, but if you saw this every day.. wouldn't you fall in love with him as well?



One last thing to leave you with, is this photo. One of Jonathan's colleagues did this with their child, and it was quite a cool idea so we're going to do it too. Each year, take a picture of the child with the previous year's photo!



Today we went out in the snow, and hopefully I have some nice photos from it, although he wasn't too keen on it as the first thing he did was fall face first into the snow! But he soon cheered up after a cuddle, and especially liked it when the cat came out as well!

Thursday 10 December 2009

10 days til testing...

And I'm going nuts! I keep trying to forget about it but I can't. We are still doing it every other day... But I can't shake the thought that I ovulated back on day 12, and it's now day 23. I am managing to hold off of testing, it's just the shaking it from my mind I can't do. I really need to forget about it!! I am convincing myself that I'm pregnant which I really shouldn't! The last time I really convinced myself I was pregnant it delayed my period by 2 weeks. I'll keep you updated anyway.

Sunday 6 December 2009

Robert has been off his food for the last few days. He's barely eating at all, but still enjoys his mummy milk. I'm not sure if I'm worrying too much, but I'm thinking it could be one of two reasons, first being that he is ill, or perhaps teething, and as soon as he's better he'll be eating with a vengeance again, or the second I am thinking is that he might be going through a fussy eating stage, in which case I would want to try and nip it in the bud as soon as possible!

I'm leaning more to the thinking that he's not well, as his nappies have been DISGUSTING for the last few days, including several "leakers"... Plus the fact that he's been sick a couple of times. He threw up yesterday morning sitting at the highchair. He had a small amount of toast, but drank TONNES of water, so it was mainly watery sick (sorry for the TMI lol!). Then tonight as I was changing him ready for bed he farted, and started wretching, and a very small (thank goodness) amount came up.

I am wondering if I should get a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get him looked at. I took his temp while he was nursing to sleep (but it wasn't skin contact, just under his arm through clothing) and it came up 35.7 degrees celsius.

Apart from that he's mostly happy, but it's just alarming seeing Robert refusing most food, especially his favourites! Today for example he had about 4 shredded wheat (bitesized) when he usually has a whole bowlful - toddler bowl. Then for lunch I made him a sandwich (2 slices of bread with a slice of turkey) I cut it into quarters, gave him one bit, which he pulled apart, ate most of the side with turkey on and wouldn't eat any more! He did have a few bits of satsuma and apple as well, but he usually eats between half and 3/4 of the sandwich I make him. Then for tea we went out to a restaurant, we took along some breadsticks and a banana, and also gave him bits of our food. He ate a stick of pepper and chewed on a bit of chicken, ate a tortilla chip, and then lost interest. So we then offered him banana, which he held, put it to his mouth, then threw it off the highchair, offered him another bit just to make sure which also ended up on the floor. So yeah he ate a good deal less than he usually does.

But he is nursing so that's not too bad. The only thing is that now Robert is older and more mobile, I'm less comfortable in nursing him in public than I was when he was younger, so if we are out for a few hours, I don't nurse him even if he looks like he wants it (which makes me feel guilty especially these last few days), instead I try and satiate him with nibbles and water, and wait til we get home. He does prefer to nurse standing up, unless it's before a nap or bedtime, when I feed him in bed and he'll snuggle up to me that way, but he doesn't like nursing in the cradle position if I'm sitting.

Anyway onto TTC news. This cycle has been very strange. Last week I thought I was ovulating because I started getting spotting which lasted a couple of days, then I thought I felt twinges down there on one side, plus I had EWCM. So I made sure I had lots of baby-making over those few days. But to make sure I do the best I can in the baby making department I will continue to baby-make every 2 days until I am either on my period again or I test positive! This is what we did the cycle Robert was conceived in the first full month we were trying, so hopefully it will work this time too!

I have been feeling odd feelings lately, twinges, and other things which are making me think "maybe this is the month" but I am going to try and exercise some self-control and not test prematurely. I think I shall see how I feel 2 weeks from today. My last cycle lasted 33 days, and it is now CD 19 so 2 weeks til CD 33 when my period would be due if I am regular. So 2 weeks from now is the EARLIEST I will test. If I can hang on later I will. The last two months I have tested at very odd times in relation to my period end/start time, because I have made myself think that maybe my period was implantation bleeding!! So this month I will not test early at all, I will assume my last period was infact a period ;)

I hope in two weeks I will be updating with happy news just in time for Christmas - if not I shall enjoy a nice glass of wine or two! ;)

Anyway a few more photos for you to enjoy!

My grown up boy in his first buttoned-up shirt! I'm very proud of this photo, I took it and usually the portraits I do don't turn out so nicely! As Jonathan was sorting them out, I looked at this one and said to him in surprise "Is that one I took???!!!" and he looked at me and said "yes, does that surprise you because it's a good one?" lol!


Here's our completed birth to 1st birthday photo frame! It's just LOVELY having something like this to look at to show just how much our baby boy has changed over the last year!


Robert's activity table we got him for his birthday. He loves this! He even keeps trying to put other things down, like his little cars, or half eaten apples, or the shape sorter pieces lol ;)


Robert modelling a hat we got sent in the post this week from my step-mum's mum (Step-grandma?). She had made it for Ewan but had put it away and forgotten about it, then found it recently, so sent it to us :)


Robert and Daddy on the carousel in Milton Keynes Shopping Centre. He seemed to quite enjoy it this time, the first time he went on he hated it and was rather petrified of it. I did suggest that Jonathan sit Robert on a horse, which I think Robert didn't like! So this time Jonathan just took him straight to a bit where you just sit down in a little carriage thing, and he was better.


Right, well I'll sign off here! Hope you had a great weekend!

Thursday 3 December 2009

More ramblings.

I think I've ovulated already. But I am going to try and remain on schedule with the baby-making incase I was wrong. Jonathan doesn't mind at all!

I keep thinking that I feel pregnant. I woke up in the middle of the night with a very bad stomach ache, almost an "I'm going to be sick" feeling but not quite. Although it may well have been because of the stupid amounts of biscuits and chocolate I ate yesterday. Either way my instinct would be to test but I am not going to test. In fact I'm just going to carry on with the baby-making this month until I get my period or I test positive when overdue ;)

If the baby we are trying to make turns out as gorgeous as the one we already have, we'll be very very lucky parents :)