Imagine the scene, you're at a playgroup, and a small child, maybe 2 years old, takes a drink from the woman handing them out. The mum waits barely 3 seconds, before calling out from across the room "Say thank you!!" and repeats her demand until the child complies. The next child takes a drink, and luckily the child complies with her mother's request to say thank you after the first time. Every parent with a child feels obliged to make her child show proper manners in this social setting.
It was how I "learnt" my manners, I remember constantly being reminded to say "please" and "thank you" and given those memories I must have been forgetting my manners regularly until maybe up to the age of 8 or maybe even older!
Children do not need to be told in this manner what behaviours require a certain response. With enough modelling, they pick it up for themselves.
Now, Robert, being 4 months shy of his third birthday, does not say please and thank you every time that would be appropriate. But then I don't think there is any kid of Robert's age who remembers EVERY time. We do not push him to say it. If he forgets, and the situation allows it, we gently remind him, by speaking for him, so in the above situation, we would say in a slightly exaggerated way (so to ensure he has heard) "Thank you, Hannah", and if that prompts him to utter his own thanks then all is well, if not, we leave it. Mostly we do not bother with this, but in social situations where there is the pressure to show manners, we gently remind him.
At home, we thank each other, and we thank Robert, when he gives us things, and when we give each other things. We say please when asking for something. It warms my heart when he says please, and thank you (or, in Robert-speak, "dee-doo") appropriately. He also says "You're welcome" when we thank him, and if somebody burps, he says "pardon oooo", and if he burps, (or farts, sneezes or even hiccups) he says "pardon me". He asks for things saying "May I have..." and this is all down to our modelling. If I say to him "May I have some of your banana please, Robert?" he will say "Yes, you may, Mummy."
Moral of the story, kids are like sponges, whatever they soak up inveriably leaks out after a while :)
Ours have learned from our modelling too - I think Arthur's 4th "word" was "ang-oo!" which he loved to say when given something! :) However, we DO require them to say thank you, and remind, remind, remind. I think little ones need a good combination of modelling and instruction to master something like social graces! ;) It certainly doesn't do any harm, and when they forget, I always gently remind them to say thank you. Repetition of the right thing to say creates a habit, I've found. We also remind them to say please, but in a less precise way - we just remind them, "Ask nicely..." if they haven't said please. I'm a firm believer in instruction, but I know modelling goes a LONG way, and it sounds like you're doing a great job with Robert! :)
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