38 weeks!!! New glasses, and shopping in MK for baby bits etc

Ahhh! I have my new glasses! I am so pleased with them! I can seeeeee! People who are more than 10 meters away don't have blurry faces! I can read the TV screen! I am soooo happy and it makes such a difference!

On the other hand, I got quite worried today - while out in Milton Keynes (without notes or hospital bag) I experienced almost non stop braxton hicks! They've calmed down now I'm at home, but it was quite worrying! It made me wonder how I'd feel when I do actually go into labour, and I think I will become very excited when I do go into labour, because it will mean I will meet my little Robert so soon!

Had another one of those left-sided pains as well. I think they must be ligament pains, nothing else they could be really as they're just on one side. But we got lots of nice stuff - as well as getting bits for Robert (sheets for the matress, ermm.. well ok maybe bit), we also got some books for how to look after newborns, a matress protector (initially for me, then later for Robert), some presents for Ewan as it's his birthday soon and then christmas, and also some front opening nighties for me. We spent a fortune as usual.. ho hum!

Oh and we also stopped by that woman's house for the baby clothes and the bouncer/beanbag. We've yet to look through all the clothes, but there's a lot. :)

Anyway, I'll take a belly pic tomorrow, as it's late now and the light isn't good. Take care!

34 weeks 3 days - heart beat recorded! Got our camcorder

We finally have Robert's heart beat recorded! I'm so glad we have this at last! It's so nice being able to hear it in private at home, even if it was recorded with the midwife also there! Jonathan mentioned to me as we walked home after the appointment that he found her quite cold at times again. She doesn't seem that way to me anymore, but she definitely has that "aura" about her when you first meet her, or I suppose maybe when you're not so used to her.

Last night we went out for dinner. We had a relatively early dinner in comparison to most evenings, but I had only had 2 bowls of cereal that day and very little else (a drink or two). And it was quite scary, but I was beginning to get a little shaky and feel weird, we'd decided a few hours earlier we'd go out to dinner, so as soon as I started to feel odd, I sort of hurried him along so we could go asap! And while he was getting ready I drank a couple of glasses of milk, and snacked on a slice of sandwich turkey and a small block of cheese hehe.

I guess I'm more used to grazing throughout the day on various things. That and having a slightly bigger lunch than a bowl of cereal ;)

I have a lot to do today, I'm very good at procrastinating generally, but I figure I'll carry on where we left off yesterday and clear out a box or two of mine in the spare room, do the washing up, put a load of washing on, and tidy up around the house a bit which has got a bit cluttered with rubbish.

We went shopping last night after the meal, and looked for a knife sharpener, which we couldn't find, but stopped via baby products, and as I remember them being on a "list", some maternity towels, breast pads and muslins found their way into the shopping trolley too! At the checkout, the lady there got quite chatty, firstly about her puppies.. (o-kayyyy) and then when she spotted the muslins she started chatting away about those. "Oooh they're ever so good, my daughter uses them all the time!" And then she said something that acknowledged she knew I was pregnant (Like the muslins, breast pads and maternity towels along with bump weren't a give away! hehe), and I said "yeah, I've got just over a month to go now." And she exclaimed "Oooooh! How lovely!!! Do you know what you're having?" When I told her it was a boy, she said "Ahhh, was he waving at you on the scan then?" hahaha! The thought of a little baby waving his willy made us chuckle on the way out of the store. Maybe it's just true, people do get chattier when they see a pregnant women!

Anyway, someone who *was* on our November due date board, but later had her dates adjusted to the middle of October, but stuck around in November anyway had her baby either yesterday or today. She was due on 16th so I guess it's nice her baby girl came a couple of days early ;) I'm under no illusion that Robert will want to bake well into December. Haha! I bet he's a stubborn little boy like his Mum. If him stopping kicking as soon as someone else puts their hand on my belly to feel him kick is anything to go by anyway!

Oh! I forgot! Our camcorder and portable CD player we ordered with the last of our wedding vouchers arrived this morning! So yay, plenty of time to practise with it before he's born. I guess we have to decide whether or not we record the birth too. Part of me is thinking we should do it, and then decide whether or not to show people, because if we don't, and then decide we did want to, we'll be disappointed because we don't have it at all. I'm thinking it will be nice to have as a personal record even if we don't show it to everyone else. Something nice for the memory banks :) Right, big day of lots of productivity today! haha. ;) Hope you're all well!

31 weeks 2 days - weekend ramblings for the most part

31 weeks! (and 2 days) I can't believe how close it's getting already. These past 7 months, oddly, have gone by so fast, and yet so slow. If that makes sense! In that it feels like time has whizzed by since I was 12 weeks pregnant and seeing Robert on that scan monitor for the first time, and yet it does feel like I've been pregnant forever. And yes, wow, it is exactly 2 months until my EDD!

This weekend has been a little hectic. Friday, Jonathan came home early from work, due to his flexitime scheme. Later in the evening I got all hormonal and weepy because I couldn't remember the last time he told me I was beautiful. So he sat down with me and hugged me and told me that he did think I was beautiful, even if he hadn't said it a lot lately. And he did also put his foot in it with something he said, but I decided not to dwell on it too much and put it down to him not thinking about what he was saying. But overall I did feel better and was glad he came over and was with me and gave me the affection I felt I really needed. And I think to be honest it was the first time I got overly weepy and hormonal so far, I think I've actually been pretty good, apart from crying easier at sitcoms and romcoms. (like crying when Chandler beat Mike at table tennis in Burmuda when Monica hurt her hand - wtf is up with that?? lol)

Anyway, Saturday we went to Aylesbury to do more stuff with the flat. We got there for just about 9am, because the carpet fitters were coming to do the hallway carpet (the red and yellow flowery carpet didn't really go too well with the lilac walls we did a few years ago). We also did some cleaning. I didnt actually do a lot, I'm finding it hard to stoop and lean over as much now. I did the insides of a few cupboards, emptying one that was full of cat food, cleaning products, etc. Then I cleaned the salloon style kitchen doors as they were so dusty it was crazy. Jonathan scrubbed the floor in the living room, which had got paint splatters all over it while we were decorating. Then after the carpet fitters had gone, we cleared out all the junky furniture in the bedroom - a hand-me-down bookcase which was falling to bits, a hand-me-down sky blue chest of drawers which was still ok but meh, was old and dated, and a hand-me-down desk type thing that we used for a bedside table. Took them downstairs, Jonathan demolished them, and then we loaded up the car with old scraps of furniture and also the old carpet from the hall, and some old rugs which we didn't want anymore. Went down to the tip, and were expecting to sit in a queue for about half an hour as usual, but it was almost completely empty, went straight into the tip, just sat waiting for someone to leave for their space, and we were in! When we got back, we loaded up the car with all the rest of the boxes from the loft (how on EARTH did we manage to fit so much crap into our tiny one bedroom flat???), which literally did fill the entire car, but now we know, we have everything at the new house! I took a nap on the sofabed (last thing that'll need to go down the tip), and we finally left Aylesbury around the time we usually ARRIVE there to do stuff in the flat - around 2pm.

Yesterday, J was going to do his finances, but I was beginning to get desperate for some new maternity clothes - the trousers I've literally lived in for the last 7 months have got holes in, paint stains on, and despite my best efforts to keep them clean (and find something else I can wear while they are washing and drying) are a little smelly. :S So we went into Milton Keynes to do some shopping. J is getting a little antsy about the amount of money we have spent since moving - apparently we've not had a single month where his salary has paid off all the bills and his credit card bill.. eeep. What with all the new furniture we've needed, and so on.

But anyway, we still have quite a lot of vouchers to spend, we had about £50 for Marks and Spencer, which we successfully spend on some maternity wear for me - a pair of 3/4 length trouser/jeans things - a little snug around the thighs, and only a tiny bit of room growth left, but if I scrunch them under my bump it'll be fine. Also a looooooverly stretchy blue 3/4 length sleeved top, which goes alllll the way over my bump and then some, and is soooo flattering! And then a black cardi thing (apparently maternity! But doesn't seem very fitted) which will be great in the winter over some little tank tops I have which would otherwise bare my belly! Haha.

We also had £20 in Woolworth vouchers, so we mooched around there to see what we could spend, and decided on 6 ceramic pebble-shaped placemats for our new table. Which came to £21 but was cool. They were quite heavy and J was moaning for most of the rest of the shopping trip! (We got them first lol) Although bless him, he didn't moan constantly, just every now and then ;)

We did look around John Lewis for maternity wear, but they didn't do any. We had quite a hefty amount of vouchers to spend there, but no luck. However, they have a HUGE baby section! And I spent a little while in there cooing over the gorgeous little dungarees and suits and other boy clothes. Hehe!

Finally I said to J, I really wanted some new trousers like the ones I have at the moment, but without holes (haha), so we we went to Mothercare. Now if anyone has been to MK shopping center before you will know that Marks and Spencer, John Lewis, and Mothercare are all over the damn place, and it's friggin huge. I went to the loo in JL, but for some reason, I've been peeing LOADS the last few days, and by the time we were walking to Mothercare, I kept feeling my bladder getting squashed, and it was getting increasingly uncomfortable, but I knew that when I went, all that would come out would be the tiniest trickle and I'd still feel like I'd need to go about half hour later. So I just dealt with the discomfort. By the time we got to Mothercare, I was feeling exhausted, and then my bump started to feel uncomfortable, and odd... in a way I can't really describe now. I kept having to stop and put my hand on it. I was wondering if I was getting Braxton Hicks contractions, but then they felt nothing like the plain "tightening" sensation I've had before that could have been BH. So I'm a little confused. Anyway, we looked around Mothercare for another pair of trousers identical to the ones I had on, but no luck. Took some other "lounge" trousers to try on, but they were both like leggings, and not at all what I wanted. (Severely unflattering for a start!!!) I found a top that looked like it would look nice, and tried it on, and it did. :D Then I asked J to go and find me a pair of trousers in 20 long if he could, and he came back with some, I tried them on, and BINGO they were perfect! Although I could see them being waaaay too loose around the belly if I'd bought them a few months ago, because on their "tightest" setting, they fit me PERFECTLY now! And there's still tonnes of growth room left in them! Zips down the sides, with stretchy material between. Right now they fit great with the zips closed. And sooo flattering, it makes my bump look great! Anyway, we went to pay for the nice black top and the trousers, and the lady spent ages putting them through, there was some problem or other. Which wasn't great as I was still feeling iffy, and in the end, put the bags I was holding down, and leant forward onto the huge pile of boxed up trikes by the till, which made me feel a little better.

There are still a few things I want to get - which we didn't have time for, like new pillows (our ones are gross - really disgusting), maybe some matching coasters for our new tablemats, and there was something else which has completely flown out of my mind in the last 3 minutes. Doh. ;)

Anyway I know this entry has been long and rambly, and for the most part not about pregnancy, so well done if you've managed to read it all! Hehe. I had some odd dreams last night, oddly not about you know what, like usual, but instead the main bit was about us being in Church, winning £95,000 while we were in there, and then coming out to find our car (along with most of the others in the carpark) completely gutted - emptied of EVERYTHING of value, including windows (lol) and seatbelts. But I also remember being excited (in a different dream, unrelated to the church/car thing) that Alice was pregnant at the same time as me. Not that she knows yet, maybe it's a sign that she is? Who knows! The signs look promising. Although if she isn't, and her period comes afterall, I know I'll be disappointed, but eagerly awaiting the next month's updates! Hehehe.

Hope you're all okay chickies xx

17 weeks 4 days - baby stuff, money stuff, child learning stuff. Big entry!

I haven't really felt Sausage move very much (if at all) the last two days. Which is slightly worrying, but then I have been very windy (sorry for TMI!) both days, and anything I've felt has felt like just wind. Although I guess it could have been both wind and Sausage, I don't know. I'm hoping that the windiness will subside a bit so I can distinguish the movements more. Because now I won't be seeing anyone to check on Sausage's progress until 17th July, a whole month, which is the scan.

J keeps saying, and he said last night, that he thinks my belly has been growing, he thinks my belly is a lot bigger. The thing is, it's hard to tell for me, especially even feeling it, my tummy feels hard to the touch, but then so does the bit I know is just flubber (the stuff above my belly button). But I do look at it sometimes and think "yeah, it does look more rounded than before". Ah well, I knew this was going to happen - that it would be hard to "tell" for a long time because of my size pre-pregnancy. Anyway, I'll do another belly shot on Saturday, which will be 18 weeks.

Also on Saturday, J and I are going to head into Milton Keynes and do some shopping for the baby. We're going to look for cots (well cot beds I suppose, as they last the longest). The in-laws have kindly offered to buy us something for the baby, around £200 worth, which should pay for the cot and matress. So that's nice! My dad has also offered to give us the same amount of money for the baby, so we'll have to see what else there is left big things for the baby, otherwise we might just end up spending my dad's money on bedding, towels, nappies, breast pumps and stuff like that! It's so nice that the parents are being generous and helping out with the baby stuff. We knew we were expecting it from my parents, since they are very much into the "treating kids the same" and they both spent money for my brother last year. But with J's parents, we were not expecting anything, and just leaving it for them to offer if they wanted to.

J's parents have been extremely generous to the both of us anyhow, they gave us a huge loan, with extremely low interest for life to pay off the mortgage from the flat, and at the same time they offered the £200 baby gift, they said to just take off the interest, so basically we're just paying them back the loan interest free, which is amazingly generous. PLUS they said, since they were planning on offering a loan to J's sister, which would be about double the amount they gave us, they would offer us the same amount again interest free if we needed it. J said he might take them up on about 1/5 of the loan they are offering us again, just to make sure things are seen through okay until the flat sells, since we'll have a few things to pay for in advance, like the double glazing on the flat, and a new hall carpet, and redecorating, etc. Plus any baby things, which of course aren't desperate and the flat should have sold way before then hopefully! So all in all, our financial situation is very comfortable, thank goodness! And hopefully it'll mean that once the flat is sold, we'll have a huge chunk of money sitting gaining interest until we can pay off a large part of the new mortgage with it, and then hopefully some of it we can spend to convert the garage and possibly the loft before the baby is too old, or before a second one is on the way! Hehe, look at me, thinking about a second one before this one is even half way ;) I am so blessed to have such a wonderful sensible husband, who kept his pants on (well not literally, but you know) before we were in a good situation like this, even though I've been so incredibly broody for almost 5 years!

I do still worry about things. Even though I've been broody for so long I worry about whether I'm ready for motherhood, about whether I'll make a good mother. About whether I can CHANGE certain things about myself that I know are not good traits for a mother-to-be. Like my laziness, and my selfishness. But then part of me says in myself that I can and will be a good mother, because I have wanted it for so long, and it may be hard but things will get easier as I get used to them.

I have always loved being with children. I loved my time in the nursery (well, for the most part, if I only worked with the colleagues I got on well with - the ones I can count on one hand more or less!), and I LOVED spending time with the children. I especially loved working with children and seeing them grow and develop into more confident and happy individuals.

There's one little girl who I don't think I will EVER forget, she came to nursery lacking in confidence hugely, she would scream the place down when her mother left, and would hardly make any eye contact or talk at all once the screaming stage had subsided. I did have some help from colleagues with how to help her settle in, and their ideas worked extremely well, and it was amazing the transformation in this little girl over the year I worked with her. And I know you're not supposed to have favourites, but this little girl was so sweet, I couldn't help but have a huge amount of affection for her. I treated her the same as the other children, but whenever I looked at her, playing with some of her friends, and laughing, I couldn't help but remember how far she'd come, and the sense of achievement it gave me that I was such a huge part of this girl's development. She'll be about 7 or 8 years old now. She probably wouldn't remember me if she saw me again, which makes me a little sad, but I'm sure she's doing fine.

Whenever I think of that, I think how amazing it will be to have a child of my own, to teach them and guide them and love them, and hopefully bring them up to be a confident and self assured human being right from the start. Many parents don't realise that they are their child's first teacher. They just think that they can send them to school and that's where they will learn their numbers and their colours and how to respect others and the world they live in. They don't seem to realise that what they learn in the 5 or 6 hours they are at school is minimal compared to the other 18 hours they are at home. By many parents, I am talking about the majority of parents I came into contact with while I was working in the nursery. The school was in the poorest area of the town, over 50% of the children were Asian, and it seemed like only a few of the parents had spent any time with their children at home, playing with them, teaching them colours and numbers and things like that. Because of the level children were generally coming into the nursery at, we had to work REALLY hard to bring the majority of children up to a level where they could count to 10 by the age of 5 (!), or even recognise some letters. As for reading or recognising whole written words like "cat", I only remember one child being able to do that by the time they went into reception class in the 3 years I worked there. And that was a child who unsurprisingly had a mother who read a lot to her children at home. Also we had very few children who could actually write their name leaving us for reception. (Despite us doing activities to help them, like tracing their name, or copying their name from cards) Because the average child where I worked was so much below the national average, when we got a national average child, they seemed REALLY clever. But at the same time, they weren't stretched, because of the work we had to do to stretch the majority of children was already things they could do easily.

Jeez, I can talk for Britain haha. Anyway, my point is I guess that I hope I can do a good job for my child before s/he goes to school. So they don't lag behind or find things too difficult. Hope youre all well, and thanks for reading. (especially big thanks if you're reading this far down, as this was a monster entry today hehe) x

Edit at 1pm - Sitting here at the PC I suddenly felt Sausage move again! :D Quite a lot of movement in one go, s/he seems to have quietened down again, must have tired him/herself out :) So pleased to have felt it again either way. Can stop worrying for a little while! :)

15 weeks 2 days - baby shopping!

J and I went to Kent, to see my parents for the first time since March and the grand announcements (or should I say the grandma/pa announcements? ;) ) My dad and step-mum got sozzled in front of me (pah) on Saturday night, well not completely, but by the end of the evening, my step-mum was slurring very slightly, and telling me to "take good care of that baby" even though she'd be seeing me in the morning.. hehe. Something that I found unusual was the fact that in the morning, I must have eaten maybe only 5 mouthfuls of the cooked English breakfast I had in front of me. I just couldn't eat anything else!

Anyway, on Sunday, times were a bit less easy going - my mum generally is on a shorter fuse than my dad and his wife, and her boyfriend does wind her up a lot, although I don't think they could do without each other. But we all had fun pram shopping - well, I think me and mum more than J and Dave, but the two of them contributed to it a bit as well, and we made sure the pram we picked out was comfortable for Jonathan to push along (at his height of 6'5"). We saw one, and thought yes, that's perfect, but then we saw another one, and that had so much more room, was slightly higher on the handlebars, etc. We chose the Mothercare Trenton Deluxe pushchair travel system, which according to the sizes given to us will fit into the boot of our car. Just! And is also comfortable for Jonathan to push.

When we'd made up our minds, we went around and nosed around the rest of the shop, at the cots, and the other bits around. I saw those great little chair things - gah I forget the name, one second.. aha, Bumbo.

I also stopped to look at baby baths, and this prompted mum to mention the bath my brother and sister-in-law use for my nephew.. "they use a bucket to bathe him in..." and with the italic "bucket", imagine a disgusted tone and screwed up face expression. At which point, a woman in the shop behind us who was also browsing said "I have to say, those bucket baths are GREAT! My son hated the ordinary sort" and she gestured to the ones on the shelves, "but he absolutely loved the bucket bath, made him feel so much more secure. Then when he outgrew it, he went straight into the bath." Which... er... kinda shut my mum up lol... Thing is with mum is that she's in her 50s, and she has set ideas on what she wants, what she likes, what is "normal", and anything else is just WEIRD and unnecessary. But she is good in that if I have said I like something, before she voices an opinion on it, she will keep quiet.

Oh, and I also bought a lot of maternity clothes using some M&S vouchers. :D I have 6 great tops, and 2 pairs of trousers. I wish I could find that skirt I had, it'll be great for summer! Ah well, I'll find it soon I'm sure. There is a top I really love, unfortunately I need to find a new bra before I can wear it. Since it shows quite a lot of the strap. But lots of really nice tops, yay! I think if I get a bump band my wardrobe (bar a nice pair of summer trousers, a larger coat and a warm top or two for winter) will be complete :)

Hope you all had a great weekend! Thanks for reading :) x

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to say! I think yesterday, I may have felt the baby move for the first time. Although I'm not really sure, or if what I felt was too high up to be baby movements. I've been watching out for anything that may be described as fluttering or bubbles, and while I'm not sure the feeling is either of those, it was definitely something weird that I've not really felt at all this pregnancy so far. Is 15 weeks too early? Or is it possible this was the baby moving? It's so hard to tell, I don't know for sure what it feels like, if it was the right sort of feeling. I guess I'll wait and see if I feel anything similar over the next few weeks.