17 weeks, feeling good!

So I met with my new midwife this week. The one who I had throughout the entirety of all my other pregnancies is ill, and won't be returning as the surgery midwife. The new one seems ok. She seems initially friendlier than the old one (who warmed up after a short while in any case). She has seemed to move my due date to match the scan date, which I'm not pleased about, as it gives me 5 fewer days to go into labour naturally before the whole induction stuff comes into play again. Everything seems ok with me and baby. Heartbeat was found eventually, which was a big relief for me, as I haven't felt the baby move all that much. I have a bit, but it's often been with a bit of a question mark. As time goes on it is becoming more obvious, but still very much little pops. It seems crazy that in a few months they will be strong enough to take my breath away!

Emotionally, so far I've been pretty good!! I'm actually surprised, but unlike with particularly babies 2 and 3, where I had feelings of "oh my god what am I doing? Who was I kidding? I can't have another baby, I can't deal with the ones I have!" This time I'm feeling very positive... So far! The boys are still very excited about baby. Robert has said that he hopes it's a girl "so that she can boss my brothers around when she's older"!!! What makes him think she wouldn't boss HIM about too I don't know! 😜 Christopher is hoping it's a girl too. He wants to call her Daisy or Amelia. Neither of which I would put on the short list because the boys have a cousin Amelia and I don't particularly like Daisy. Maisy I like though. But this is all moot because baby will be another boy 😝. We might well find out towards the end of next month. I think I am feeling the most neutral over the gender of this baby than any after the first to be honest. I would be thrilled with a girl, but would be happy with a boy too because I am a boy mum. And I honestly don't see myself with a girl anymore. I thought Daniel was my last for a while, so instead of being a mum of all (three) boys, I'd be a mum of all (four) boys. And that's okay. Would I actually be missing out on all that much?

29 weeks pregnant! And other things.

Today I turn 29 weeks pregnant. One week til the big three-oh! 30 weeks seems like a huge milestone! It's three quarters of the way through, still a way to go, and the hardest in some respects, but yay! I had my 28 week appointment yesterday - the midwife keeps thinking I'm at the next day up by her wheel thing - so yesterday she thought I was 29 weeks when I was 28+6 ;) I had both boys with me, because I forgot that it was half term this week and that Robert wasn't at nursery. But they were both so well behaved! We got there early because I forgot to grab a wee sample bottle last time, so I got one from reception and filled it then and there (well, not at the reception desk!! lol) before the appointment. The boys played in the doctors surgery play area (which consists of a nailed down bead table, a few chairs and some rather (ahem) well played with books (ie, pages missing, corners bitten out, spines broken etc). There was a woman I've seen before a few times, once when Christopher was a bump still, she had her baby in a home made sling, and being interested in slings myself at the time I struck up a conversation with her. Then I saw her again at a sling meet, then more recently in the swimming pool, and she was at the dentist yesterday. Anyway, when they came into the midwife's office with me, they were both very well behaved and quiet. Which made a change from the previous appointment, which had Christopher screaming the entire appointment, because I hadn't realised he wanted to put a borrowed book away before going into the office! Gah! Christopher sat in his buggy the whole time (he had got in voluntarily before wheeling into the office), and Robert, was standing quietly, watching, as she did the usual wee and blood pressure checks (still fine). Then when she came to listen to his baby brother, he became much more interested, and he leant RIGHT over staring at the doppler, as if he was expecting to see his baby right under it ;) We talk about the baby lots, and when he heard the heart beat, we drew the parallel to when he can feel his own heart beating, but I think his understanding is very limited right now. It took the midwife a while to get a good listen on the heartbeat because he kept shifting around, but eventually she managed it :) She asked if we knew whether it was a boy or a girl, and I said, "yes it's another boy", and she said "Wow, you're well and truly outnumbered now aren't you?" "Yep, and no chance of catching up now, there's no way I'm having six!" I replied. Anyway, baby boy is apparently head down (and reading my notes, apparently he was at 25 weeks as well!), and measuring bang on target at 29cm.

On other news, the kitchen is now almost completely done. The walls have now had sufficient coats on to look even, which was 3 on the magnolia, and 2 on the cappucino wall. Glossing done, including a new shiny coat on the radiator (amazing how much better it looks for a new coat of paint!!). I've not cut in on the edges well though, and while it looks ok from the head on angle, when you get closer it looks awful :( So I think I'm going to mask it off and re-do the edges. Then will come getting all the painting equipment out of the kitchen, pulling up the masking tape and newspaper off the floor and cleaning up any stray splashes (of water soluble paint - the gloss was well contained!!) Then just the table to await on Saturday morning!

One last bit of news, was that we've tried Robert without pull ups overnight. He was leaking through them and leaving wet patches on his bed anyway, and damp pyjamas, so we thought we'd try and see if the sensation of being REALLY wet would help him. The first three nights we did as normal, just without pull ups. He still wet the bed every night. The next night we decided to wake him when we went to bed and got him to go for a wee, which, despite being forewarned before bedtime, took a long time, as he had a MASSIVE tantrum and refused to do anything. Eventually we think he did one. He went back to bed, and he woke up in the morning with a dry bed. Then last night we did the same as the night before. Only he had already wet the bed when we went to get him up. He was fast asleep and hadn't even noticed he'd wet the bed, so I think he'll be going back in pull ups again :( (And making sure that they're on straight, that his willy is pointing down, and try and avoid any leakages). It's a pain that he is a big 4 year old - the size 6s do fit on him, but before we would put them up a size if they leaked, but being a size 6 there is no larger size, unless we start going onto the "night time pants" which are pull ups for older kids - and marked up in price accordingly. Anyhow, I'm sure he'll get there some time... I just can't see when!

15 weeks 5 days - heartbeat! And a dream!

Well I am so very very nearly 16 weeks pregnant now. How is this possible???!! It was only a couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the edge of my bath holding a positive pregnancy test in my shaking hand! That was when I was 4 weeks pregnant exactly! It seems absolutely crazy how fast this pregnancy is whizzing by. But to be honest I don't mind that the last 12 weeks have whizzed by, the first 16 weeks of pregnancy are the worst in my opinion. Before the 12 week scan you have NO idea how things are going. You just plod on, hoping that lack of cramps and bleeding is a good sign that all is going how it should. Then you get that magical day when you see your tiny baby and KNOW that you didn't imagine that line on the test, that there really is a real little baby inside you all snug, and that it's alright, and not an alien, or anything else for that matter! But then you have a month to wait for the next real sign that baby is ok, seeing the midwife and hearing the heartbeat. I have felt baby kick before I went to see her but I had forgotten just how slight the first kicks are. How easy it is to doubt yourself as to whether those little pops and bubbly feelings were baby kicking or just wind in your gut.

Yesterday I heard Squidge's heartbeat. What a lovely sound! She put the doppler on my belly, and that VERY instant, there was the baby's heartbeat! How lovely she found it straight away, no 5 second wait worrying she wouldn't find it, there it was! Hearing that heartbeat was just wonderful, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And confirmation that the little pops unaccompanied by any obvious wind (sorry!) were my little Squidge kicking away in there! S/he is about the size of a pear now, about 11cm long from crown to rump (just over 4 inches) and weighs about 3oz. S/he is beginning to hiccup in preparation for breathing, and is also learning to grab his/her umbilical cord and grasp it! How amazing that in just 3 and a half short months they can go from being a single cell, a fertilised egg, into a being that is just a tiny, perfect little person, growing and learning day by day even inside the uterus, learning how to survive in the world outside Mummy's tummy.

The night before my midwife appointment, I had a dream, my FIRST baby related dream since conception (that I remember!). I was in labour, about to give birth to my baby. I wasn't in hospital, I was in a place I don't really remember, or recognise from my dream particularly, but it was dim, with a soft reddish/brown hue. It was a quick and easy labour, and baby was being born, even though I remember there were no midwives here yet!! But I was calm, and birthed my baby, reaching down to receive it. When it was born, I pulled it up and onto my chest, where I breathed in every detail. My little baby was absolutely perfect in every way, and I held it, and prayed that it would cry so I knew it was ok. It did cry, briefly, which was the most wonderful sound ever! I suddenly realised that I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl! So I looked, and it was a girl! We had no name for her, but I spent the next while in my dream just cuddling my baby girl, she suckled a bit at my breast, and it was just WONDERFUL. The midwife had finally turned up, and eventually they weighed my baby girl, and she weighed in at 9lb 15oz! Just 1oz short of Robert's birth weight, but I remember thinking "wow, just 1oz less than Robert and she was a week early too!"

It was just such a wonderful, peaceful dream, and I didn't want to wake up! And who knows if my dream was right, only one thing is determined right now, and that's Squidge's gender. So my dream has a 50/50 chance of being right. However, the other two parts of my dream aren't determined yet, so just imagine if they turn out to be true too, that Squidge is a week early, and weighs 9lb 15oz! I will be looking forward eagerly to more dreams. I love pregnancy dreams! For the most part, I had a couple of disturbing dreams (mainly erotic ones with people who I REALLY shouldn't be doing or WANTING to do erotic things with!!!) but they were mostly fun and interesting :) Especially the baby related dreams!

34 weeks 3 days - heart beat recorded! Got our camcorder

We finally have Robert's heart beat recorded! I'm so glad we have this at last! It's so nice being able to hear it in private at home, even if it was recorded with the midwife also there! Jonathan mentioned to me as we walked home after the appointment that he found her quite cold at times again. She doesn't seem that way to me anymore, but she definitely has that "aura" about her when you first meet her, or I suppose maybe when you're not so used to her.

Last night we went out for dinner. We had a relatively early dinner in comparison to most evenings, but I had only had 2 bowls of cereal that day and very little else (a drink or two). And it was quite scary, but I was beginning to get a little shaky and feel weird, we'd decided a few hours earlier we'd go out to dinner, so as soon as I started to feel odd, I sort of hurried him along so we could go asap! And while he was getting ready I drank a couple of glasses of milk, and snacked on a slice of sandwich turkey and a small block of cheese hehe.

I guess I'm more used to grazing throughout the day on various things. That and having a slightly bigger lunch than a bowl of cereal ;)

I have a lot to do today, I'm very good at procrastinating generally, but I figure I'll carry on where we left off yesterday and clear out a box or two of mine in the spare room, do the washing up, put a load of washing on, and tidy up around the house a bit which has got a bit cluttered with rubbish.

We went shopping last night after the meal, and looked for a knife sharpener, which we couldn't find, but stopped via baby products, and as I remember them being on a "list", some maternity towels, breast pads and muslins found their way into the shopping trolley too! At the checkout, the lady there got quite chatty, firstly about her puppies.. (o-kayyyy) and then when she spotted the muslins she started chatting away about those. "Oooh they're ever so good, my daughter uses them all the time!" And then she said something that acknowledged she knew I was pregnant (Like the muslins, breast pads and maternity towels along with bump weren't a give away! hehe), and I said "yeah, I've got just over a month to go now." And she exclaimed "Oooooh! How lovely!!! Do you know what you're having?" When I told her it was a boy, she said "Ahhh, was he waving at you on the scan then?" hahaha! The thought of a little baby waving his willy made us chuckle on the way out of the store. Maybe it's just true, people do get chattier when they see a pregnant women!

Anyway, someone who *was* on our November due date board, but later had her dates adjusted to the middle of October, but stuck around in November anyway had her baby either yesterday or today. She was due on 16th so I guess it's nice her baby girl came a couple of days early ;) I'm under no illusion that Robert will want to bake well into December. Haha! I bet he's a stubborn little boy like his Mum. If him stopping kicking as soon as someone else puts their hand on my belly to feel him kick is anything to go by anyway!

Oh! I forgot! Our camcorder and portable CD player we ordered with the last of our wedding vouchers arrived this morning! So yay, plenty of time to practise with it before he's born. I guess we have to decide whether or not we record the birth too. Part of me is thinking we should do it, and then decide whether or not to show people, because if we don't, and then decide we did want to, we'll be disappointed because we don't have it at all. I'm thinking it will be nice to have as a personal record even if we don't show it to everyone else. Something nice for the memory banks :) Right, big day of lots of productivity today! haha. ;) Hope you're all well!

20 weeks 2 days - seeing midwife today

Thanks for your comments girls... I know it's probably just normal "first time mum" worries.. but anyway I spent a while trying to get through to the midwife earlier, couldn't get her on her mobile, so called via the doctors surgery, who told me she was there today, and they gave her a message. She called back really quick (within half an hour or so), and told me that she'd fit me in after surgery to listen in and check everything was ok and to put my mind at rest. I probably sounded a lot worse and more worried because I had just run up the stairs to answer the phone and was a little puffed out (So unfit! tsk). But yes, I'm sure everything's going to be fine, and it'll all be good, but it will stop me worrying until my scan next Thursday (not this Thursday, the thursday after), and maybe be more receptive to baby's movements.

Anyway, I did what Becca said today, laid down and felt my belly, and yeah I think baby must be over on my left hand side, quite high up, as I feel a lot more solid there than on the right. I'm just pleased that from today, there's going to be less than 2 weeks until my scan, and then just over 2 weeks until my 24 week appointment, and from then on hopefully I'll have regular 4 week checkups so I know it won't be as long as this one - which is almost 6 weeks from my last appointment with the midwife to the scan.

Anyway, will be heading over to the doctors in about an hour's time, so I'll edit this post later this evening to say how it went (for any of you who might read between now and then). Thanks for your support girls, I feel like such a pregnancy "newbie" here. It means so much to have your experienced comments when I feel stressed and worried about such things. xx

Edit: Just got back from the midwife (half hour after leaving the house!), we heard the heartbeat, all is fine.. phew. She found it, then a couple of seconds later, lost it, apparently baby had moved! hehe. But yay, so pleased.

And yay! Half way! 20 weeks pregnant! Will go sort photos now for the belly gallery.

16 weeks 4 days - followup midwife appointment

Yay so I have been back from the doctor's for about 20 minutes and caught my breath finally (I am SO unfit it is unreal).

Midwife appointment went great, BP and urine is fine, iron levels are good, blood type came back as A+ which I didn't know before meant that the rhesus was positive! Hehe. You learn something new every day. Apparently positive rhesus is good... although surely it could possibly mean that my baby has a 1 in 4 chance of being rhesus negative anyway? Or even a 1 in 2 chance, if J is negative. (If I'm rhesus positive with 1 + rhesus and 1 - rhesus, and Jonathan is the same, there's 3 chances it'll be positive, and 1 if it gets the - rhesus gene from both sides it'll be negative)

Then the best part! She wanted to hear the baby's heartbeat. Yay! "I was hoping you'd say that!" I told her, and leapt up onto the table hehe. After a bit of prodding around, she found the heartbeat. It didn't sound at all like the "swooshy" sound I'd heard on TV/youtube videos, but was actually very clear! Most definitely a healthy beating heart. :) She felt the top of my uterus just below my belly button, which surprised me, but apparently that's the normal place for it to be! Hehe. I thought it was a bit lower than that, or according to the internet anyway. But yes, all good indications that Sausage is growing well. Oooh! I can't wait for the scan now. And how unfair I have to wait for another FIVE whole weeks! Argh!

Part of me still can't properly comprehend it all. I *still* find it hard to believe that a month before Christmas (roughly!) I will have a baby. In my arms! Actually here with us. I find it so bizarrely wonderful imagining that there is infact a tiny tiny being inside me. A tiny human with arms, and legs, and a gorgeous button nose. How bizarre to hear a heart beating inside your abdomen!

Goodness, if I had a doppler, I could imagine myself spending hours at a time listening to my baby's heartbeat. I suppose it's a good thing I don't have one! ;)

Hope you're all well. xx