Daniel is here!

Well, here comes Daniel's birth story. Yes I know as I start this, he isn't even 24 hours old. But this story is amazing and I don't want to forget any details!

First off, the general details.

Induction started at 8am by breaking waters.
Born at 11.59am in the birth pool.
Weight: 9lb 9oz

What is amazing about this birth story is that at one point, there was a very real possibility that I might have had an emergency (under GA) cesarean. But that the issue was resolved, and I went on to have a water birth.

I got checked in to a standard room, and after a while, the midwife came back in having looked at my birth plan and asked if I would be interested in using the birth pool. I said that possibly for the first stage, probably not to birth in though. Anyway she showed us through to what was called the "Serenity Suite". It was lovely, twice the size with a birth pool down one end, shower and toilet in the room, music players, mood lighting. I instantly felt wonderful and positive about the experience. We settled in and then we were told that a consultant would break my waters for me. When my waters were broken, the doctor who did it was concerned because Daniel's hand was up by his head, and the head wasn't very engaged, meaning that his hand could creep up and end up in a superman pose. (Which apparently would indicate the need for a cesarean.)

After a while, a different consultant came in with 3 other people (seemingly just observing our conversation) to say they wanted to put me on the hormonal drip to induce contractions to encourage the head to engage and hope it pushed the hand back down. After a short discussion with both the consultant and then Jonathan alone, we decided to risk a c section due to the hand rather than risking a c section due to fetal distress of complications from the drip. We chose to try and engage the head by mobility for half an hour to an hour or so, and then be re-examined to check for the presence of the hand and how engaged the head was.

On re-examination around 9.30-10am, the midwife suddenly became very worried, and said "there's cord there. Jonathan, pull the emergency button". Seconds later, over 6 people (Jonathan reckoned 10+) came rushing in. Tracey, the midwife, told them there was prolapsed cord, and immediately my bed head was lowered, more hands appeared around me "down there". I had a catheter in, a cannula in my arm, I think they used the instrument to open up my vagina so they could see what was going on. They filled my bladder up, took blood, and shifted me onto my left hand side. There was just a flurry of "stuff" happening around me and to me. It was a blur, and all I could think of was "what on earth is happening?" And "oh no, I'm going to go have a c section under general anaesthetic. Prolapsed cord is BAD." And I was thinking about how on earth Jonathan must be feeling too, I kept seeing midwives or doctors faces coming close and offering me reassuring words, or asking me to do something, but didn't see Jonathan. After a while, I heard the magical words "the cord's slipped back down and so has the hand".

Then the consultant who had wanted me to go on the drip earlier put her head close and told me to push hard on the next contraction. I couldn't feel any contractions, but they could tell by the monitor so they told me and I did. I wondered at first if they wanted me to give birth then and there, but then I realised that they just wanted me to get the head engaged to stop anything else coming down past the head again.

The head did come down and engage, and amazingly, thankfully, the consultant then said that with the head deep in the pelvis, there was no room for anything to come back down past the head again, and I was back on for my natural birth!

I stayed on the monitors that were wired in to the machine for another hour. I was quite happy to sit there, I felt a bit like I had been run over by a steam train, and welcomed the excuse to sit, relax, and just stay still. After the hour was up I got up again, and strapped instead to a wireless monitor and was told I'd be able to go in the pool with it, and walk around as I wanted. Since the head was engaged my contractions came on quite strong fairly quickly. Jonathan started to time them on my phone, he started timing them at 10.49am. Between then and 11.34am I'd had 18 contractions. They were coming between every 1.5 and 3 minutes, not regular but very frequent, and progressively stronger. I'd been told I was around 6cm when the cord and fingers had disappeared. I soon had to stop and lean on something, and sway and moan through the contractions. After about 6 or more of these swaying contractions, Tracey asked if I'd like to get in the pool now, and I said yes I would. I didn't think I was very close to birth, but the strength of the contractions meant that I thought it would be nice at that stage. In fact the last contraction before she asked me, I thought I felt the beginning stages of needing to bear down, but I dismissed it, thinking it was way too soon! I then went to the toilet again, did a wee and a poo, but then noticed after the poo that I was definitely starting to bear down, which I told Jonathan about. I got in the pool, and had a few more contractions fairly quickly, bearing down and groaning with them. Tracey went and got long gloves ready, It seemed to go so quickly, although the first few didn't seem to do much in the way I couldn't feel his head descending. But shortly after, I could feel the head coming down. And BOY it felt HUGE! It was so hard, much harder than Christopher's. I could feel it coming down more each time, but it felt almost unbearable with it taking several contractions. I didn't get a break at all with the crowning, it just kept coming, and I couldn't not bear down and keep going. Most of his head came out, I felt like I had to push loads of times to get what was left out - the chin? Then came a short sense of relief, before then the body was coming out. It didn't slip out easily, it felt like it took 5 or 6 pushes to get it fully out. Each time I thought "will it be over with this one? This one?" The relief I felt when the feet came out was just a-maz-ing. I turned over in the pool, lifting my leg up over the top of him, and held the little mischief maker who'd caused so much trouble! Jonathan was crying, telling me how proud he was of me. Sitting there, in the pool, holding my baby who less than 2 hours earlier I thought would be cut out of me while I was knocked out, I was absolutely elated. I did it, it was difficult, but I did it! After a while she cut the cord (she cut it before I would have liked but she had left it a while so better than immediately), and then I went back to the bed to deliver the placenta while I fed Christopher. I cannot remember if I carried him over there or not! While Daniel nursed, I delivered the placenta. It was awful having these contractions while I was snuggling my baby boy, but I immediately knew it was coming when it was, and the relief when it was out, and I knew that was IT. It was over. Completely done and finished. My baby boy was here and safe. He still had some vernix on him, wasn't at all wrinkly, so he wasn't "overcooked" at all. I had a second degree tear again (3rd time), but chose not to have it stitched. The midwife was happy with that, she said it should heal by itself ok.

So there you have it. The very dramatic arrival of Daniel, at 40+15. :)

42 weeks 1 day

So yesterday I went in to be induced. We got there around 9am, and by 10am we had been seen, and I had had a CTG trace. She examined me and I was 3-4cm, my cervix was soft and central, but 2cm thick. And she could feel my waters. So she said that we could head straight to delivery once there was room.

How exciting! We could have a baby by lunchtime, and maybe go home by evening! But nope, we waited... And waited.. I walked, bounced, napped. Then it was 8pm and we still had no news on when we would go down. Finally we were told that we wouldn't be sent down til morning. I was extremely annoyed. And promptly said I was going home then.

They told us that today at 7am we could go straight to delivery. My excitement and anticipation has long since evaporated. It has been replaced by worry and annoyance. If I hadn't had all this pressure on me from day one (well, just before 41 weeks) to give birth imminently, I probably would have had this baby already! This entire last stage of pregnancy has been fraught with anxiety and pressure.

And once more I am scared of everything that could happen. After yet another disappointing day, I just can't imagine this birth going well.

So I'm lying in bed, my own bed at home. And have been thinking and wondering if I'll ever meet my baby, and how all the stress I have gone through these last few weeks would have affected him. Please keep us all in your thoughts today. Please pray that we have a quick and easy birth. X

41weeks 6 days

Following a very very promising night last night, where I had "proper" labour contractions regularly from midnight and throughout the next few hours when I woke, I was SURE I would have a baby in my arms by now. But they disappeared, and I was left disappointed, stressed, and either in tears or on the verge of tears for most of the day.

I have been feeling conflicted the entire day about my induction appointment tomorrow. What is best for us. My feelings of confidence about the birth, my fears, my hopes. I could write it all down here but it would take ages, it's been hashed over so much I feel like my head would explode.

We went over to the inlaws for lunch, and Jonathan called my mum as well to come up for emotional support. After lunch we went out to a fabulous garden centre and mooched to distract myself from my emotions. Then went back to the inlaws and stayed until 6ish when we came back home with my mum staying here overnight.

We (the three of us) had a long discussion once the boys were in bed. My mum didn't give her actual opinion on whether she thought we should go in for induction. But helped bring up matters to discuss. And I'm gutted to have had to make the decision, because I KNOW my body can do it, but the pressure from medical staff is just too much for me to bear thinking about. I've decided to keep the appointment. I've absolutely despised to have to make that decision. I'm gutted beyond words that I haven't gone into labour before the 14 days. And I'm not bearing to hope I might go into labour overnight because I've been disappointed so often and left with dashed hopes.

I'm terrified of going in with Christopher's birth as a likely scenario as to what will happen because his went so well I feel like I'd be setting myself up for more failure. Between now and 9am I'm going to try and prepare myself for the worst. I hate hate HATE that it has come to this.

But maybe it will be alright. And maybe, just maybe, I will be holding my baby boy 24 hours from now.

41 weeks 5 days

Another day gone, another day pregnant. I'm not so much emotional and grumpy about that fact, the physical oomph of having to carry around the extra weight etc, as much as I am getting closer and closer to my induction date. And still no regulating contractions or sign of labour. My mucus plug has stopped coming away, which I'm not sure whether that is good or bad. I do keep feeling twinges low down that feel "watery". I don't really know how to explain it, I can't really tell if it's my bladder or maybe my waters pressing against the cervix or something.. I don't feel an overwhelmed need to pee which is why I am confused. But either way, labour just isn't kicking off. And I'm feeling more and more dejected about it. Because I have just one more full day in which to give birth before the induction appointment. And I know that home birth will be a fight now I'm past 10 days, but I know that declining induction and requesting a midwife to come out to me at home when I am officially overdue (14 days+) the will be horrendous.

I feel upset that my peaceful home birth will likely be tainted by having to persuade the midwife to come out to me beyond their static "10 days post date" figure, and their possible reluctance to be there at all. But right now, labour vibes and more labour vibes are needed, I really want to avoid making the decision about whether or not to keep my induction appointment...

41 weeks 4 days

Well it's all fizzled out again. 3 days until my induction appointment. (Which I am unsure whether I will still go to or not). Right now I am taking one day at a time. My home birth dates ranged from 10th April til 12th May. And being the 13th May I will most likely have an argument on my hands now whenever baby decides to arrive (if he ever does).

Right now, I am still confident that a home birth is right for me, despite being over that threshold. But I am taking it one day at a time, and if I suddenly feel that hospital would be the right place, then I will go there.

I am getting tired. Robert had his nursery trip today, so while he was there, Jonathan (who has taken his 2 weeks off from today because I am not coping well emotionally or physically with the demands of this very late stage of pregnancy) and I took Christopher to a country park. After a short play in the playground, we went for a walk. It wasn't a long one but I ached, with every single step I took. My back, my hips, my legs, my feet. I was plodding along with a heavy body, and a heavy heart, and did not enjoy the walk at all. We have been on walks every weekend day for the last few weeks, and I have enjoyed them. But not today's.

I did not sleep well last night. A combination between the now consistent pain on rolling over in bed, and indistinguishable worries running around in my head. I have given up hope now that he will be born soon. Yet another false start and I feel broken, I don't trust myself to read my body's signals. I don't want to get my hopes up again. My heart aches whenever I see the new baby clothes I've bought for him. The empty cot, the car seat in the corner of the room. The newborn in the pram on the nursery run (who is almost 6 weeks old and was due only 2.5 weeks before my bump). The photos on my newsfeed on Facebook showing newborns.

People say "just think about when he's here and all the lovely newborn snuggles you will have". But it feels like I won't ever be there. That he will never be here. That I will never get those newborn snuggles. Which is irrational I know because he can't stay in forever. But I cannot visualise him actually being here, as every time I do, it ends in disappointment. And other people saying (which I am now interpreting as a "shut up your moaning now woman") "think of all the women who never get to where you are, who have premature babies and feel like their bodies have failed by not cooking long enough".

I realise I'm not the first (and won't be the last) woman to go so past dates (hey, I was 12 days late, as my mum likes to remind me). So on that note I'll sign off, and this will be my last moan. Because I won't believe he's actually coming now until I'm actually pushing him out.

41 weeks 3 days

Thank you for the love and hugs for my previous post.

Something I hadn't actually mentioned here, was actually I've had various "could this be it" moments over the last few days. The first of which was Monday night, I had BH every 5 minutes on the dot from at least 8pm til 8.30pm, before they fizzled out a bit on finishing packing my labour and postnatal bag (4 days after my due date lol), and then stopped. The second of which was on Thursday night. I was actually getting pretty excited, thinking that if nothing happened overnight, then I would probably have my baby in my arms some time Friday. I've been getting dribs and drabs of my show come away since my first sweep on Wednesday (about 7 hours later), and have been having several small amounts a day since then. Usually bloody ones for about 2-3 toilet trips after each of my two (unsuccessful) sweeps, then normal coloured.

I've been reluctant to say anything, because each time I've been excited, I've been disappointed, which has all helped to culminate in the desperation and hopelessness of yesterday's entry.

However, as a little heads up for all you lovely blog reader people (NOT sharing on FB yet - they will get a Birth Announcement as first sign of anything happened), things MAY be starting up (finally). I started noticing just after lunchtime that my braxton hicks (strong ones now as most of them are) were coming quite frequently. And they have continued fairly frequently throughout the afternoon - but only on walking around the house or standing. Unfortunately bouncing on the ball is having little effect. When sitting, I am still getting them, but much less frequently. I seem to get one the instant I stand up, and every 5-10 minutes if I remain standing up. I am not deluding myself into thinking it could be VERY soon (as in, within the next few hours)... but I am hopeful that things are on the move. That maybe sometime tomorrow I will have my baby in my arms. I could of course carry on standing, walking, pottering, but my legs are so achy right now from the walking this morning, and the walking yesterday. I think right now, as eager as I am to get things MOVING, I should really listen to my body, so I will be walking around as necessary, but not more than necessary. And trying to get plenty of rest. I have a feeling I'll need to be well rested tomorrow! (oh please please - I hope this isn't my body crying wolf again - but this definitely feels more "early labour-ish" to me)

I do wonder if part of it has happened because finally we have made a start on tidying up the old study - we cleared the floor yesterday (a BIG job - took the two of us several hours!!!), and today I managed to nab a corner storage unit second hand for £25 from a local selling site. Jonathan went and collected it, and spent the afternoon setting it up in the old study - I plan on using it for craft things. But hopefully, now that job has been eaten into, and there isn't so much to do, we can have a baby!!! (please please please!)

41 weeks 2 days.

I cannot actually believe I'm still pregnant. I am 9 whole days more pregnant than I have ever been before. And THREE WEEKS more pregnant than I was with Christopher. And it is HARD. I can't believe how hard it is. I feel like I'm constantly moaning both to Jonathan and on Facebook. I have one more day before home birth becomes an argument. I have 5 more days before my induction appointment comes around. I feel like my body is doing NOTHING and that the clock is ticking and there is nothing I can do but wait and hope this baby decides to come soon. I feel like everything is on hold until he arrives, I can't motivate myself to do anything that needs to be done. Which leads me to thinking all day about his arrival, when it will happen, how it will happen.

And I'm getting scared. Scared of confrontation about staying at home. Scared of induction. Scared of declining induction. Scared of interventions upon interventions. Scared of stillbirth.

I feel powerless, and scared, and more than anything I just want to meet my baby now. To hold him in my arms and know that he's ok. Why won't my labour start?

41 weeks

I'm a whole week post dates now, and yes, STILL pregnant. I never expected to still not be cuddling a baby skin side by now. Robert arrived on his due date, naturally, and Christopher arrived so quickly and easily at 38+2 when induced that I figured he would not have gone too far past his due date if left naturally!

I'm struggling through the nights one at a time. I wake in pain when my hip gets numb from lying on one side and then need to roll over, which is agony. The maternity pillow is not helping anymore and just makes things more cumbersome. Jonathan is now sleeping downstairs until the baby arrives, as when I do roll over in agony in the night I wake up so thoroughly that Jonathan snoring stops me from getting back to sleep quickly. So with him downstairs, I do sleep a bit better.

I wake up in the morning with a mixed feeling of relief and disappointment, relief that I had some sleep, disappointment that I wasn't woken in the night with contractions and the impending birth of my third baby.

I do however, have the overwhelming thought that maybe I was sent this baby boy to give me not what I want, but what I need. And first of all finding out he was a boy.. Maybe being a mum of just boys is what I'm destined for, something that I need to help me in some way through life. That although I want a daughter, maybe 3 (or more) sons is what I need from life.

Then maybe making me wait for his arrival, again, not something I want but maybe what I need, that in the grand scheme I need to feel the sting of waiting.. Day after day after day after day.. So that I appreciate him all the more when he arrives. I have a feeling that the struggles will not end when he is born for this reason, that he will not be an "easy" baby, or that we will have breastfeeding struggles, or something else. But that in overcoming these, we will become stronger as a family, as individuals.

I got a sweep yesterday. I will be getting another one tomorrow. Here's hoping little man gets a move on soon.

40+2

Well... My due date came and went. I was kind of surprised as Robert was a due date baby, and we will never know when Christopher was "meant" to be born as he was induced at 38+2. He was 2 weeks old at this point!

I am feeling very achy, my back aches during the day now (I'm doing the typical pregnant woman waddle while pushing my hands into my lower back), and despite finally getting my smallish V cushion out of the loft, I am still in agony in the night with my hips.

I had my 40 week antenatal appointment at home on Thursday. As usual, wee and blood pressure was fine, baby measured smaller than the previous week (haha) but then it was a different midwife, and she measured my bump off to one side (!?) rather than the middle, plus baby was apparently 3/5s engaged this time.

Since then, I have been labour symptom spotting, and getting quite cross with myself about it, as I know it's only making me more impatient! I am sitting down after a long day's trudging about Wicksteed Park, thinking perhaps I might be getting some very mild period type pains which could be the beginning, and wondering if, maybe, we might have a Bank Holiday Weekend baby! Time will tell of course and I do hope it is the case, I am so eager to meet him, and introduce him to all of you!