41 weeks

I'm a whole week post dates now, and yes, STILL pregnant. I never expected to still not be cuddling a baby skin side by now. Robert arrived on his due date, naturally, and Christopher arrived so quickly and easily at 38+2 when induced that I figured he would not have gone too far past his due date if left naturally!

I'm struggling through the nights one at a time. I wake in pain when my hip gets numb from lying on one side and then need to roll over, which is agony. The maternity pillow is not helping anymore and just makes things more cumbersome. Jonathan is now sleeping downstairs until the baby arrives, as when I do roll over in agony in the night I wake up so thoroughly that Jonathan snoring stops me from getting back to sleep quickly. So with him downstairs, I do sleep a bit better.

I wake up in the morning with a mixed feeling of relief and disappointment, relief that I had some sleep, disappointment that I wasn't woken in the night with contractions and the impending birth of my third baby.

I do however, have the overwhelming thought that maybe I was sent this baby boy to give me not what I want, but what I need. And first of all finding out he was a boy.. Maybe being a mum of just boys is what I'm destined for, something that I need to help me in some way through life. That although I want a daughter, maybe 3 (or more) sons is what I need from life.

Then maybe making me wait for his arrival, again, not something I want but maybe what I need, that in the grand scheme I need to feel the sting of waiting.. Day after day after day after day.. So that I appreciate him all the more when he arrives. I have a feeling that the struggles will not end when he is born for this reason, that he will not be an "easy" baby, or that we will have breastfeeding struggles, or something else. But that in overcoming these, we will become stronger as a family, as individuals.

I got a sweep yesterday. I will be getting another one tomorrow. Here's hoping little man gets a move on soon.