41 weeks 2 days.

I cannot actually believe I'm still pregnant. I am 9 whole days more pregnant than I have ever been before. And THREE WEEKS more pregnant than I was with Christopher. And it is HARD. I can't believe how hard it is. I feel like I'm constantly moaning both to Jonathan and on Facebook. I have one more day before home birth becomes an argument. I have 5 more days before my induction appointment comes around. I feel like my body is doing NOTHING and that the clock is ticking and there is nothing I can do but wait and hope this baby decides to come soon. I feel like everything is on hold until he arrives, I can't motivate myself to do anything that needs to be done. Which leads me to thinking all day about his arrival, when it will happen, how it will happen.

And I'm getting scared. Scared of confrontation about staying at home. Scared of induction. Scared of declining induction. Scared of interventions upon interventions. Scared of stillbirth.

I feel powerless, and scared, and more than anything I just want to meet my baby now. To hold him in my arms and know that he's ok. Why won't my labour start?