So yesterday I went in to be induced. We got there around 9am, and by 10am we had been seen, and I had had a CTG trace. She examined me and I was 3-4cm, my cervix was soft and central, but 2cm thick. And she could feel my waters. So she said that we could head straight to delivery once there was room.
How exciting! We could have a baby by lunchtime, and maybe go home by evening! But nope, we waited... And waited.. I walked, bounced, napped. Then it was 8pm and we still had no news on when we would go down. Finally we were told that we wouldn't be sent down til morning. I was extremely annoyed. And promptly said I was going home then.
They told us that today at 7am we could go straight to delivery. My excitement and anticipation has long since evaporated. It has been replaced by worry and annoyance. If I hadn't had all this pressure on me from day one (well, just before 41 weeks) to give birth imminently, I probably would have had this baby already! This entire last stage of pregnancy has been fraught with anxiety and pressure.
And once more I am scared of everything that could happen. After yet another disappointing day, I just can't imagine this birth going well.
So I'm lying in bed, my own bed at home. And have been thinking and wondering if I'll ever meet my baby, and how all the stress I have gone through these last few weeks would have affected him. Please keep us all in your thoughts today. Please pray that we have a quick and easy birth. X
Showing posts with label post-dates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label post-dates. Show all posts
Friday, 17 May 2013
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
41 weeks 5 days
Another day gone, another day pregnant. I'm not so much emotional and grumpy about that fact, the physical oomph of having to carry around the extra weight etc, as much as I am getting closer and closer to my induction date. And still no regulating contractions or sign of labour. My mucus plug has stopped coming away, which I'm not sure whether that is good or bad. I do keep feeling twinges low down that feel "watery". I don't really know how to explain it, I can't really tell if it's my bladder or maybe my waters pressing against the cervix or something.. I don't feel an overwhelmed need to pee which is why I am confused. But either way, labour just isn't kicking off. And I'm feeling more and more dejected about it. Because I have just one more full day in which to give birth before the induction appointment. And I know that home birth will be a fight now I'm past 10 days, but I know that declining induction and requesting a midwife to come out to me at home when I am officially overdue (14 days+) the will be horrendous.
I feel upset that my peaceful home birth will likely be tainted by having to persuade the midwife to come out to me beyond their static "10 days post date" figure, and their possible reluctance to be there at all. But right now, labour vibes and more labour vibes are needed, I really want to avoid making the decision about whether or not to keep my induction appointment...
I feel upset that my peaceful home birth will likely be tainted by having to persuade the midwife to come out to me beyond their static "10 days post date" figure, and their possible reluctance to be there at all. But right now, labour vibes and more labour vibes are needed, I really want to avoid making the decision about whether or not to keep my induction appointment...
Monday, 13 May 2013
41 weeks 4 days
Well it's all fizzled out again. 3 days until my induction appointment. (Which I am unsure whether I will still go to or not). Right now I am taking one day at a time. My home birth dates ranged from 10th April til 12th May. And being the 13th May I will most likely have an argument on my hands now whenever baby decides to arrive (if he ever does).
Right now, I am still confident that a home birth is right for me, despite being over that threshold. But I am taking it one day at a time, and if I suddenly feel that hospital would be the right place, then I will go there.
I am getting tired. Robert had his nursery trip today, so while he was there, Jonathan (who has taken his 2 weeks off from today because I am not coping well emotionally or physically with the demands of this very late stage of pregnancy) and I took Christopher to a country park. After a short play in the playground, we went for a walk. It wasn't a long one but I ached, with every single step I took. My back, my hips, my legs, my feet. I was plodding along with a heavy body, and a heavy heart, and did not enjoy the walk at all. We have been on walks every weekend day for the last few weeks, and I have enjoyed them. But not today's.
I did not sleep well last night. A combination between the now consistent pain on rolling over in bed, and indistinguishable worries running around in my head. I have given up hope now that he will be born soon. Yet another false start and I feel broken, I don't trust myself to read my body's signals. I don't want to get my hopes up again. My heart aches whenever I see the new baby clothes I've bought for him. The empty cot, the car seat in the corner of the room. The newborn in the pram on the nursery run (who is almost 6 weeks old and was due only 2.5 weeks before my bump). The photos on my newsfeed on Facebook showing newborns.
People say "just think about when he's here and all the lovely newborn snuggles you will have". But it feels like I won't ever be there. That he will never be here. That I will never get those newborn snuggles. Which is irrational I know because he can't stay in forever. But I cannot visualise him actually being here, as every time I do, it ends in disappointment. And other people saying (which I am now interpreting as a "shut up your moaning now woman") "think of all the women who never get to where you are, who have premature babies and feel like their bodies have failed by not cooking long enough".
I realise I'm not the first (and won't be the last) woman to go so past dates (hey, I was 12 days late, as my mum likes to remind me). So on that note I'll sign off, and this will be my last moan. Because I won't believe he's actually coming now until I'm actually pushing him out.
Right now, I am still confident that a home birth is right for me, despite being over that threshold. But I am taking it one day at a time, and if I suddenly feel that hospital would be the right place, then I will go there.
I am getting tired. Robert had his nursery trip today, so while he was there, Jonathan (who has taken his 2 weeks off from today because I am not coping well emotionally or physically with the demands of this very late stage of pregnancy) and I took Christopher to a country park. After a short play in the playground, we went for a walk. It wasn't a long one but I ached, with every single step I took. My back, my hips, my legs, my feet. I was plodding along with a heavy body, and a heavy heart, and did not enjoy the walk at all. We have been on walks every weekend day for the last few weeks, and I have enjoyed them. But not today's.
I did not sleep well last night. A combination between the now consistent pain on rolling over in bed, and indistinguishable worries running around in my head. I have given up hope now that he will be born soon. Yet another false start and I feel broken, I don't trust myself to read my body's signals. I don't want to get my hopes up again. My heart aches whenever I see the new baby clothes I've bought for him. The empty cot, the car seat in the corner of the room. The newborn in the pram on the nursery run (who is almost 6 weeks old and was due only 2.5 weeks before my bump). The photos on my newsfeed on Facebook showing newborns.
People say "just think about when he's here and all the lovely newborn snuggles you will have". But it feels like I won't ever be there. That he will never be here. That I will never get those newborn snuggles. Which is irrational I know because he can't stay in forever. But I cannot visualise him actually being here, as every time I do, it ends in disappointment. And other people saying (which I am now interpreting as a "shut up your moaning now woman") "think of all the women who never get to where you are, who have premature babies and feel like their bodies have failed by not cooking long enough".
I realise I'm not the first (and won't be the last) woman to go so past dates (hey, I was 12 days late, as my mum likes to remind me). So on that note I'll sign off, and this will be my last moan. Because I won't believe he's actually coming now until I'm actually pushing him out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)