With him spending the first 5 days of his life in SCBU, his supplementation with formula in his first few days, my inability to express ANYTHING for him (due to immediate post natal stress and trauma, I had no real drive to do it), and bonding struggles.
As the weeks went on, I struggled with my new role of "mum", struggled with the whole issue surrounding his birth and delivery, with his time in hospital.
Most of the time, breastfeeding was ok. But in the evenings, it was a nightmare. With me literally pulling my hair out in frustration over his bad latching, my sore nipples, and a husband who did NOT know what to do, he came out with the F word. Not to say it doesn't have its place, but in my mind, I did NOT want my baby getting any more formula. And I could work through another night, and another night after that. It was around 4 or 5 weeks old that I began expressing a bottle of milk for Robert to have in the evenings. I so badly wanted to continue to breastfeed my baby, I guess my initial goal was 6 months, and I was still only at a month, when Jonathan mentioned formula. I knew that even supplementing one bottle a day could be the start of a slippery slope and end up in a struggling milk supply and a baby weaned onto formula. So began the expressing. Just one bottle a day.
And this, I believe, saved our breastfeeding relationship. 6 months came and went, and by the time he was 7 months old or so, he stopped having expressed milk and was entirely breastfed.
Breastfeeding was finally easy, the hardest bit was over! I made it!
Fast forward to a year old, to 2 years old, to 3 years old, and Robert is still being breastfed. I NEVER ever EVER thought I would be breastfeeding a 3 year old. Hell, I never even thought I'd be feeding a TWO year old. But here I am, Robert is 3 years and 2 months old and still nurses at LEAST once, usually twice, and occasionally 3+ times a day. It winds me up when people say that children his age don't "need" it anymore. They are of course speaking nutritionally, that they are capable of eating a full and complete diet of foods away from mum. Which is true, he is capable of eating and drinking all his needs away from my breasts. But most of these people will agree that a cup of cows milk is a healthy or, in some people's opinion, necessary part of a small child's diet. COWS milk? But not HUMAN milk? You see people, stuffing their faces with a donut, and saying between mouthfuls that he's "too old" for that, that he "doesn't need that".
Anyway, I digress, I have always, past a certain age, where I seem to get raised eyebrows from family members (I never get more than that, as I, in a pre-emptive strike, tell people that I believe that nursing is the right thing for my child, and that I will continue to do so as long as we both mutually desire to. I do NOT want to be nursing a 4 year old. Part of me has hoped for some time that Robert would self wean, but he hasn't even SLOWED DOWN yet, and lately he has been asking MANY times a day. He is never really upset if I say no, yet if he starts to nurse and I need to go and do something (like get Christopher to bed), tantrums will ensue if I have to cut the session short. I say no more often than I say yes. A LOT more often. Now I know that I could try other tactics to get him to slow down. Some people swear by offering LOTS, so that he just doesn't ask anymore and he knows it's not "off bounds". Some go by a "don't offer, don't refuse". I cannot do that one. He would nurse 5 or 6 times a day or more. I don't have the energy to do that, and if Robert nurses more than a short while during the day, I start to get fidgetty, and my skin starts to crawl.
This morning I got up before he woke up, and even though he always always has a morning feed, I didn't this morning, despite him asking me if he could have some. I am just at that stage, where I want him now to be DONE. It will take a while I am sure to work out the best way. But we will get there.
I am happy this is a decision you have made on your own. As much as we don't want them to, our little boys are growing up and there are times you have to step back, remove some of the "baby" habits and let them grow up.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a good choice for you both as by the time he is in nursery, it will probably be a fair bit harder to break routines as he starts something new.
I always admire breastfeeding mothers though it wasn't for me and I strongly believe that only the mother should make the choice on when to stop, regardless on what others think. Of course, Christopher may not want to BF quite as long as every child varies but you know you did all you could for Robert all these years and you should be incredibly proud, :)
Totally annoyed with blogger as it keeps not letting me post my comment! Probably for the best as the original one was very long-winded and soapboxy! So I give up and will just post a more basic comment where I don't explain my (well-researched, I promise you!) reasoning so well.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely couldn't - much as I like and feel friendly towards her, honest! :) - leave Becca's comment unchallenged. Really brought out some strong feelings for me, and IMO all 3 paragraphs are misinformed.
1) Breastfeeding is not a "baby habit" - far from it. Natural age of weaning in humans is 5-7 YEARS, people. We aren't doing things as nature intended. Don't take on anything from even well-meant comments that breastfeeding a 3-year-old is best discouraged as it's "babyish" and they need to grow up! What on earth is the hurry to make tiny little children grow up?!
2) It is not necessary (nor should it ever be implied or encouraged to a breastfeeding mother) that children should be weaned before starting nursery - research states it's actually hugely beneficial at that "growing up" age to balance out the stresses of such a stage for the child.
3) Strongly disagree that mothers should be the ones making all the decisions re. breastfeeding. *sigh* Society has it all back to front and it's so exasperating. It's not about what the mother wants, but what's best for the baby/child. The baby/child is the one needing the nourishment, and is the biggest benefactor in the breastfeeding relationship, and thus should (in the ideal world) be the one making the decision as to when to stop. I can't think of many times I've ever heard of that happening, personally, but fifty zillion squillion times that mothers make that decision for their little babies. I find that so sad - it surely shouldn't be that way. I do think that when you have the skin-crawly thing going on (a chemically-initiated, very "primal" sign, by the way, so go with it if you want to!) with an older nursling it's fine to make a mutual decision to stop breastfeeding though.
4) Arthur was 3.5 when I started to feel that skin-crawly thing you're talking about, and he became more demanding as well for milk. I had always wanted to let my little ones self-wean, although I never thought I'd be breastfeeding a 3 year old either! I had read that the crawly skin feeling was totally normal, so that was reassuring.
I intentionally weaned him in the weeks after his 4th birthday, because it was not a happy experience any more for us. I prepared him in the months beforehand, about him being a big boy at age 4 and not needing mummy milk any more. It was a fob off as I don't actually 100% agree with that statement, but it was a method I'd read about, so I tried it! ;) He wasn't too thrilled, but accepted it. He still asked for milk for most of the next year, now and then, but just had a cheerful, "No lovey, you're too big for that now - have a cuddle instead!"
I think you can google weaning an older toddler and find some creative ideas (though I'm not entirely sure about that - it might be a book I originally found it in!). I hope it goes smoothly for you and Robert! You've done so well - I feel so proud of you!!!
I nursed Matthew to 4 and a half, incidentally. He was nothing like Arthur - not demanding at all, and I did not get the crawly skin thing. He pretty much only had milky as part of a bedtime routine. I was sad to wean him, but was already breastfeeding two other littles, and since I'd told Arthur that 4 was "the age", I decided to gradually drop his bedtime milky by substituting for snuggles, and if he asked, I sometimes just said, "Not tonight love." and gave him a big cuddle. He stopped asking and there was never any big to-do that I had to discuss with him.
Nathan self-weaned at 16 months! Becca's right in that every child is different - you never know how it will go with Christopher :)
Thanks both for your input! For the record, I also feel that this is more for ME than for Robert, I don't believe that normally this is a "habit" to be discouraged, and that yes, if I was thinking 100% of him I would let him self wean. But at the same point I do feel that breastfeeding is very much a mutual relationship, so it really does need to be a mutual decision to continue, therefore if either party doesn't want to continue, it shouldn't.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure for certain, but how I interpreted becca's last comment about the mother deciding was the mother coming to that decision without external factors (such as busy body relatives and friends, misinformed medical staff, other "booby traps") getting in the way.
For now I think I am going to limit his nursing to first thing in the mornings. When I'm half asleep I don't mind so much and I think once a day is still better for him than stopping entirely. When I think hard about it, it is mainly the daytime nursing sessions I am beginning to dislike. Morning ones less so. We'll see how it goes from there I guess!
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