Thoughts about genders

Well, yesterday my sister-in-law gave birth to a little girl, who she and my brother named Amelia. It's been a day now and I'm feeling a lot more excited and happy about it than I was when I first heard the news. She is the one who had a boy a year before Robert was born, who told me she didn't want kids at all to stop disappointment of people knowing it was taking them a while to conceive etc. I must admit, my first reaction was that of a sinking resentfulness. A stupid one of course, like the first one I felt when she was pregnant with my nephew! That once again they have "beat me" to something new for my parents. They had the first grandchild (and grandson incidentally), and now they have had the first granddaughter, despite me having two children between. Plus the fact that before Robert was "Robert" - while he was Sausage, I wanted a girl. And secretly I think I wanted Christopher to be a girl too.

It's been going round and round my head, wondering if the news that they had had a girl was disappointing to me for that reason also... because I do hope that someday I will have a daughter! And of course, I may not ever have a daughter. It did also get me thinking, also due to reading comments on my brother's photos of Amelia, or status updates, people's opinions, that having "one of each" is the "perfect" family. I hear it everywhere. See it everywhere. I've never heard, or at least not to my recollection, somebody saying "awww another boy, how perfect!" (or girl, of course) when it's a second child. (as opposed to third, where they already have "one of each"). And you see the dolls families with 2 parents, and 2 kids, the kids are always a boy and a girl. And Robert's checkout game, a boy and a girl. Charlie and Lola on TV.

I do love my BOYS so so much, and do NOT love Christopher any less because he's not a girl! (Or Robert for that matter). But I do find myself trying to conjure up homely images of the future of me with all sons and no daughters. To convince myself that it won't be all that bad. (!!) Strapping lads with their arms around me as they reach their adulthood. Boys running in the garden playing football or play wrestling. That sort of thing!

Another thing that I think of, is that if we do end up with another baby, I find myself wondering what the gender will be. I of course have no way of knowing!! But I find myself thinking all the same "I wonder if I will get a girl" or things like that. I think if we do have another baby we will find out the sex (Jonathan wanted to with Christopher it was me that stopped us! So I think Jonathan would have no problem if we have another baby), so that if it's a boy it will give me time to adjust. I do think back to the dream I had in pregnancy with Robert, that I gave birth to triplets, the first one being Robert, the second one also a boy, and the third one we thought was a boy at first but then it turned out to be a girl. It does make me wonder, if it's a kind of future telling dream, that I will have 3 kids, and well first two boys.. and if I have a third, if it will show on ultrasound (or if it's just an overwhelming thought) that it's a third boy, whether we will be surprised later by the emergence (or view on ultrasound) of a girl.

I guess it's a "time will tell" ending to this post really... All this assuming I do actually have a third child.