We are in the last week before half term, and Robert is still coming out of school every day on the black cloud for hurting other children or being too rough generally, invading personal space, not listening to adults. It is slowly destroying my soul that my first born, my gorgeous boy, is acting so horribly at school. We are trying reward systems for him, the first day with little to no success. Today is the second day.
It has got to the point where I am not bothering to make sure I leave by 5 past to get there early, as he is always sitting on the carpet so the teacher can explain to me just how horrible my child has been that day when all the other children have gone. :(
Yesterday I came home and cried all afternoon. I do not know what to do. I am in completely over my head and feel like running away and leaving someone else to it. But I can't, because I am his mother. It is my responsibility as his main carer to see that he becomes a respectable adult, and so far I am failing miserably.
Tomorrow is his first parents evening. And I know exactly how it's going to go. And the thought of that is bringing me close to tears again.
I want to not care, to leave it as a school problem. Let them deal with it. But I can't do that of course, and it's tearing me up from the inside out.
Tuesday, 22 October 2013
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
Almost 5 months old!
Well the last time I posted, Daniel was just 2 months old. I've been SO incredibly slack here, but then no-one seems to have noticed my disappearance anyway, as most of you are probably on Facebook so connected with me there.
Daniel will be 5 months old on Thursday! How time has flown! He is not an easy baby, but then he's not a hard baby either. One thing is for sure, and that is that he likes attention and closeness with those he is familiar with. His big brothers dote on him, and are for the most part, very gentle. But Daniel seems determined not to remain a baby for long, he is already sitting unassisted for a few seconds, rolling from front to back and back to front, pushing up on his hands, and has managed to get on his knees a couple of times. He pushes himself backwards and gets squashed up against sofas, toy boxes etc. He is grabbing quite accurately with his hands, and gets very excited when we sit him on our laps while eating. He has had a suck of apple, and cucumber, and got very cross when he dropped it! We semi- co sleep,he is exclusively breastfed (apart from the minuscule amount of apple and cucumber juice he may have consumed), and his main method of transport is the sling, except in the car of course!
I have even managed to get him on my back, and am slowly becoming more accomplished with back carries, which will be particularly useful as he is a big boy for his age, on the 98th centile for length, and the 75th for weight.
On to the big brothers! Robert has recently started full time in reception year, after almost 4 weeks of part time. He is struggling to settle in to the routine and fit in with the rules of school, and has been moved up their disciplinary ladder more often than not in the time he has been at school. The children start off on the sunshine every morning, if they carry on doing something when they are told not to, they get moved onto the grey cloud, if they do it again, they get moved onto the black cloud and they miss out on golden time. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is Robert's personality and not a reflection on my parenting per se. But it is hard, and has made me have good long thinking sessions. I struggle to understand, or enjoy time I spend with Robert. His personality is so full on, so exhausting and unlike mine, that the games he enjoys seems to be time wasting to me. He has so much pent up energy a lot of the time that it gets unleashed at home, running around the living room and crashing into the sofas, playing with cars he will get bored of driving them around properly and then it will devolve into rolling them back and forth along the same area at high speed, inevitably catching someone's hand or foot as he isn't watching what he is doing. I have yet to figure out what it is he actually needs... It's like I'm groping around in the dark when it comes to parenting Robert. But one day we will get there. One thing I am proud of is his progress in literacy skills. He has enjoyed blending words together from early on in nursery (just turned 4) and he is getting better and better. He is learning his keywords well, and now knows "the" which was tricky at first for him as he kept sounding it out and getting confused when the resulting word was "ter-her-eh" he enjoys his "reading" books he comes home with twice weekly. They have no words to read generally apart from the title, and the idea is to tell the story from the pictures.
As for his relationship with his brothers, Robert absolutely adores Daniel. Every morning he comes straight in to our room, climbs up on the bed to see Daniel and snuggle up to him. When I expressed some milk for him a while ago, Robert revelled in his duty of feeding Daniel (who took the bottle like a pro!), and was so tender and loving towards him while he head the bottle for Daniel. On the contrary, his relationship with Christopher is often very fraught, and filled with arguments. Christopher and Robert are like chalk and cheese. Robert is an outdoor child, Christopher is an indoor child. Robert flits from activity to activity, Christopher concentrates for extended periods of time. Robert can be quite boisterous, and rather like a bull in a china shop sometimes, whereas Christopher seems much calmer. They both do the typical small child thing of wanting exactly the same toy that the other has. But they do have their moments of laughter and fun. They enjoy a bit of rough and tumble with each other, Robert will give Christopher pony rides, and it's a joy to see them playing happily WITH each other so I tend to only step in if completely necessary.
Christopher is in his last year of being at home with me all the time (except Tuesdays which he spends with his grandparents). Next September he will be starting Pre-school and the thought makes me really sad! I seem to "get" him much more than I do Robert, he is a joy to look after on his own (well, him with his baby brother), whereas it can get stressful with Robert around! Christopher has started talking LOADS more. The leap in his speech compared to when he had his 2.5 year review is astounding. He has lost his cute "gub"s which was the word he used for yes. And he is speaking in 5+ word sentences now, joining several sentences together to iterate his thoughts. His pronounciation s are still quite babyish which is very cute. :) he can't pronounce "l" very well so it usually ends up as "y", such as "yeyyow", "yuv" "yike". He also says things like "dis quite bicy Mummy" (this is quite spicy mummy). And clever is "kwevah". :) he is very thoughtful and shows concern for other people (which Robert does very rarely), and also, Christopher does NOT like getting told off. But in the way that it upsets him that you're cross with him, he always looks rather distressed, then starts crying, and comes up for a hug, before saying "me vewy sowwy mummy". Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to care when told off, and starts fake crying when part of his discipline involves something being taken away, or him having to do something he dislikes.
I find it so hard to tell what a child's personality is like before the age of 2 ish, even my own children. So it is hard for me to know what Daniel will be like once he is older.
Well Daniel is awake now so I have to go. I hope the next gap won't be so long as the last!
Daniel will be 5 months old on Thursday! How time has flown! He is not an easy baby, but then he's not a hard baby either. One thing is for sure, and that is that he likes attention and closeness with those he is familiar with. His big brothers dote on him, and are for the most part, very gentle. But Daniel seems determined not to remain a baby for long, he is already sitting unassisted for a few seconds, rolling from front to back and back to front, pushing up on his hands, and has managed to get on his knees a couple of times. He pushes himself backwards and gets squashed up against sofas, toy boxes etc. He is grabbing quite accurately with his hands, and gets very excited when we sit him on our laps while eating. He has had a suck of apple, and cucumber, and got very cross when he dropped it! We semi- co sleep,he is exclusively breastfed (apart from the minuscule amount of apple and cucumber juice he may have consumed), and his main method of transport is the sling, except in the car of course!
I have even managed to get him on my back, and am slowly becoming more accomplished with back carries, which will be particularly useful as he is a big boy for his age, on the 98th centile for length, and the 75th for weight.
On to the big brothers! Robert has recently started full time in reception year, after almost 4 weeks of part time. He is struggling to settle in to the routine and fit in with the rules of school, and has been moved up their disciplinary ladder more often than not in the time he has been at school. The children start off on the sunshine every morning, if they carry on doing something when they are told not to, they get moved onto the grey cloud, if they do it again, they get moved onto the black cloud and they miss out on golden time. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is Robert's personality and not a reflection on my parenting per se. But it is hard, and has made me have good long thinking sessions. I struggle to understand, or enjoy time I spend with Robert. His personality is so full on, so exhausting and unlike mine, that the games he enjoys seems to be time wasting to me. He has so much pent up energy a lot of the time that it gets unleashed at home, running around the living room and crashing into the sofas, playing with cars he will get bored of driving them around properly and then it will devolve into rolling them back and forth along the same area at high speed, inevitably catching someone's hand or foot as he isn't watching what he is doing. I have yet to figure out what it is he actually needs... It's like I'm groping around in the dark when it comes to parenting Robert. But one day we will get there. One thing I am proud of is his progress in literacy skills. He has enjoyed blending words together from early on in nursery (just turned 4) and he is getting better and better. He is learning his keywords well, and now knows "the" which was tricky at first for him as he kept sounding it out and getting confused when the resulting word was "ter-her-eh" he enjoys his "reading" books he comes home with twice weekly. They have no words to read generally apart from the title, and the idea is to tell the story from the pictures.
As for his relationship with his brothers, Robert absolutely adores Daniel. Every morning he comes straight in to our room, climbs up on the bed to see Daniel and snuggle up to him. When I expressed some milk for him a while ago, Robert revelled in his duty of feeding Daniel (who took the bottle like a pro!), and was so tender and loving towards him while he head the bottle for Daniel. On the contrary, his relationship with Christopher is often very fraught, and filled with arguments. Christopher and Robert are like chalk and cheese. Robert is an outdoor child, Christopher is an indoor child. Robert flits from activity to activity, Christopher concentrates for extended periods of time. Robert can be quite boisterous, and rather like a bull in a china shop sometimes, whereas Christopher seems much calmer. They both do the typical small child thing of wanting exactly the same toy that the other has. But they do have their moments of laughter and fun. They enjoy a bit of rough and tumble with each other, Robert will give Christopher pony rides, and it's a joy to see them playing happily WITH each other so I tend to only step in if completely necessary.
Christopher is in his last year of being at home with me all the time (except Tuesdays which he spends with his grandparents). Next September he will be starting Pre-school and the thought makes me really sad! I seem to "get" him much more than I do Robert, he is a joy to look after on his own (well, him with his baby brother), whereas it can get stressful with Robert around! Christopher has started talking LOADS more. The leap in his speech compared to when he had his 2.5 year review is astounding. He has lost his cute "gub"s which was the word he used for yes. And he is speaking in 5+ word sentences now, joining several sentences together to iterate his thoughts. His pronounciation s are still quite babyish which is very cute. :) he can't pronounce "l" very well so it usually ends up as "y", such as "yeyyow", "yuv" "yike". He also says things like "dis quite bicy Mummy" (this is quite spicy mummy). And clever is "kwevah". :) he is very thoughtful and shows concern for other people (which Robert does very rarely), and also, Christopher does NOT like getting told off. But in the way that it upsets him that you're cross with him, he always looks rather distressed, then starts crying, and comes up for a hug, before saying "me vewy sowwy mummy". Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to care when told off, and starts fake crying when part of his discipline involves something being taken away, or him having to do something he dislikes.
I find it so hard to tell what a child's personality is like before the age of 2 ish, even my own children. So it is hard for me to know what Daniel will be like once he is older.
Well Daniel is awake now so I have to go. I hope the next gap won't be so long as the last!
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
5.5 weeks old update
So, Daniel is now five and a half weeks old. It seems an age away that I was so stressed and upset about being overdue with him. Yet these five weeks have gone in a flash! He is growing so fast, and the time is going so quickly, it feels like I barely have time to enjoy his newborn-ness. And when does he stop being a newborn?
Milestones reached.. He smiles, he lifts his head clear of the floor, he has even cooed at me a few times.
He is now in 3-6 month clothes. Yes you read that right... My almost 6 week old baby is in clothes for a 12-26 week old baby. He is my first baby in cloth, but still, some are fairly slim and the 0-3 is stretched tight in the fatter nappies, and simply snug in the slimmer ones. The 3-6 month old ones are slightly baggy, but not overly so. The majority of his 3-6 month clothes are still in the loft, but he has 5 rompers which were gifted to him that his brothers never wore that he's now wearing in the meantime until the rest of them come down.
He's getting weighed tomorrow. He was weighed 2 weeks ago at my request, and weighed 11lb 9oz then. My milk supply is still plentiful, I let down heavily from both breasts when he begins a feed, I completely soak breast pads each day, even the lanisoh ones. I have not started pumping, I will see about it once I get some storage bags. Not that I'm planning on using the milk for Daniel particularly but it can't hurt to have some in the freezer.
Daniel has two doting big brothers. The novelty has worn off somewhat but he still gets plenty of kisses and cuddles during the day. Christopher has gone from giving him about 10+ hugs and kisses a day to about 2 or 3. Robert has become more affectionate towards him as time goes on. He enjoys the responsibility of rocking him in the bouncer, and will often sit and talk to him. If he's crying, I'll often see Robert come up to him, and say soothingly "don't wowwy, Daniel, mummy will give you milk in a minute!" Robert has quickly learned that if Daniel is crying, most often this can be solved by giving him milk. ;)
Daniel is of course breastfed on demand. This is never often more than 3 hours apart, and quite often more than twice within an hour. Most often I'd say between every 1.5 and 2 hours. But as I don't clock watch, it's really hard to say.
He is mostly co-sleeping with us. If I get uncomfortable I will put him in his cot, but mostly once he wakes for the first time after we have gone to bed, he will come into bed with us after a nappy change (into the most absorbent and leak proof nappy we have to hand to avoid having to change him during the night), and stay in bed with us during the night until we get up in the morning. Lately he has been good until about 5am when he gets restless. During the night he will easily feed and then sleep, but around 5am he will wake and feed, and then whinge on and off until about 6.30 when he'll drop back off to sleep, and leave us too awake to get back to sleep in time to appreciate it before the boys gro clock turns yellow.
Unlike Christopher (and somewhat like Robert), Daniel is quite a sicky baby. He will spit up some of his feed in almost every case, sometimes straight away, sometimes after a while. Sometimes it's just a little dribble, sometimes it comes out in gushes. He often gets grumpy after a feed, until he has spit up. Although part of me is wondering if he has an intolerance because he also has some patches of rough red skin, mostly on his right cheek and ear, and behind the ear. Some on his neck, in the crease, and I noticed a small amount on the stork bite on the back of his neck. I might start giving him regular baths to try and clean off those areas more thoroughly, in case it is perhaps the sick irritating the skin? He has had about 4 baths so far. I will also mention it at my 6 week postnatal checkup on Monday. But if regular bathing doesn't help, I may see about eliminating dairy from my diet to see if that helps. At least I don't have the worry that he's not gaining weight, I can see he is gaining weight, and meeting milestones, but if I can help ease discomfort I will!
Anyway, Jonathan is getting nearer to Daniels birthday on the photos, sorting and uploading them, so hopefully I will have some photos to update with soon!
Milestones reached.. He smiles, he lifts his head clear of the floor, he has even cooed at me a few times.
He is now in 3-6 month clothes. Yes you read that right... My almost 6 week old baby is in clothes for a 12-26 week old baby. He is my first baby in cloth, but still, some are fairly slim and the 0-3 is stretched tight in the fatter nappies, and simply snug in the slimmer ones. The 3-6 month old ones are slightly baggy, but not overly so. The majority of his 3-6 month clothes are still in the loft, but he has 5 rompers which were gifted to him that his brothers never wore that he's now wearing in the meantime until the rest of them come down.
He's getting weighed tomorrow. He was weighed 2 weeks ago at my request, and weighed 11lb 9oz then. My milk supply is still plentiful, I let down heavily from both breasts when he begins a feed, I completely soak breast pads each day, even the lanisoh ones. I have not started pumping, I will see about it once I get some storage bags. Not that I'm planning on using the milk for Daniel particularly but it can't hurt to have some in the freezer.
Daniel has two doting big brothers. The novelty has worn off somewhat but he still gets plenty of kisses and cuddles during the day. Christopher has gone from giving him about 10+ hugs and kisses a day to about 2 or 3. Robert has become more affectionate towards him as time goes on. He enjoys the responsibility of rocking him in the bouncer, and will often sit and talk to him. If he's crying, I'll often see Robert come up to him, and say soothingly "don't wowwy, Daniel, mummy will give you milk in a minute!" Robert has quickly learned that if Daniel is crying, most often this can be solved by giving him milk. ;)
Daniel is of course breastfed on demand. This is never often more than 3 hours apart, and quite often more than twice within an hour. Most often I'd say between every 1.5 and 2 hours. But as I don't clock watch, it's really hard to say.
He is mostly co-sleeping with us. If I get uncomfortable I will put him in his cot, but mostly once he wakes for the first time after we have gone to bed, he will come into bed with us after a nappy change (into the most absorbent and leak proof nappy we have to hand to avoid having to change him during the night), and stay in bed with us during the night until we get up in the morning. Lately he has been good until about 5am when he gets restless. During the night he will easily feed and then sleep, but around 5am he will wake and feed, and then whinge on and off until about 6.30 when he'll drop back off to sleep, and leave us too awake to get back to sleep in time to appreciate it before the boys gro clock turns yellow.
Unlike Christopher (and somewhat like Robert), Daniel is quite a sicky baby. He will spit up some of his feed in almost every case, sometimes straight away, sometimes after a while. Sometimes it's just a little dribble, sometimes it comes out in gushes. He often gets grumpy after a feed, until he has spit up. Although part of me is wondering if he has an intolerance because he also has some patches of rough red skin, mostly on his right cheek and ear, and behind the ear. Some on his neck, in the crease, and I noticed a small amount on the stork bite on the back of his neck. I might start giving him regular baths to try and clean off those areas more thoroughly, in case it is perhaps the sick irritating the skin? He has had about 4 baths so far. I will also mention it at my 6 week postnatal checkup on Monday. But if regular bathing doesn't help, I may see about eliminating dairy from my diet to see if that helps. At least I don't have the worry that he's not gaining weight, I can see he is gaining weight, and meeting milestones, but if I can help ease discomfort I will!
Anyway, Jonathan is getting nearer to Daniels birthday on the photos, sorting and uploading them, so hopefully I will have some photos to update with soon!
Monday, 3 June 2013
17 days old!
Well, Daniel Tobias is now two and a half weeks old! How time flies once they are skin side! Feeding is going great, he is a natural just like Christopher, and a very hungry boy! He feeds on average every 2 hours, more often sometimes.
I was discharged from the midwife on day 11. Daniel was back to birth weight at 5 days old, then up 9oz at 11 days old! So I reckon now he's up to almost 11lb by now. Very chunky boy! And now out of newborn clothes already!
Daniel has already attended his first funeral. When he was just two days old we had the sad news that a friend of Jonathan's gran, who sort of became a surrogate gran for us, and saw her most weeks at my in-laws, passed away. We were planning to go over later that day, so he missed out seeing her by just a day. :( Robert was quite fond of her, but is still too young to really understand death. He has however since been asking if certain people are going to die (like me, his daddy, Christopher, and Daniel).
Today was the first day that I've not had anyone around to help out with the boys. It's been a peaceful day so far, and very relaxed. I'm hoping it continues! And that the boys enjoy outdoor activities while I sort out more washing. It definitely helps that my first day solo has been sunny, and productive, it always makes me much more cheerful!
Something that needs mentioning here before I sign off, is how the older boys have taken to their new baby brother. Christopher absolutely adores his baby brother. He comes up regularly, saying "me beh-bee gish uck" (me baby kiss hug) and gives him a gentle hug followed by a kiss on the head. By regularly I mean at least every half an hour when he's around. He also starts to sing twinkle twinkle little star whenever he cries, and occasionally waves at him and says "ey-oh beh-bee bwuvvah!" When he can't reach him for a kiss and a hug.
Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to think much of him particularly. The early days were filled with more hugs than later days, so I think Daniel was somewhat a novelty which has since worn off. He still has hugs on occasion, but they seem to be mainly when Christopher has asked, as a way of not feeling left out. I think it is somewhat of a personality thing rather than an age thing, as I remember him being similar when Christopher was a baby. He is however, playing with his dolls a lot more, and even for the first time ever, nursed his doll! (Granted for about a second, and as a game, but still! This coming from the boy who would look at me reproachfully when I suggest he nurse the doll himself, saying "mummy, I don't have milk in my boobies" before insisting that I be the one to nurse the doll. He would cry as the baby, then say "oh no, the baby wants milk AGAIN!" Lift the doll out of the bouncer, nurse it for a second, put it back, then run off, only for the doll to "cry" again, and he runs back saying "the baby wants milk again? I just want to go and play!" Whenever Daniel cries, Robert suggests he wants milk, which I guess in the early stages is actually somewhat accurate!
Something I am thankful for at the moment is Daniel's tolerance for just a warm pair of arms at the moment, unless he is hungry. He will settle down well when cuddled unless he is hungry, which also makes the sling a godsend. We also co-sleep at night, and he actually sleeps really well at night, often going 3-4 hours or more between feeds which is a long time for my boobs!
I'm still waiting on Jonathan to edit the photos we took of Daniel in the first week to post photos here, but I will say: he is the spitting image of Robert as a baby!
I was discharged from the midwife on day 11. Daniel was back to birth weight at 5 days old, then up 9oz at 11 days old! So I reckon now he's up to almost 11lb by now. Very chunky boy! And now out of newborn clothes already!
Daniel has already attended his first funeral. When he was just two days old we had the sad news that a friend of Jonathan's gran, who sort of became a surrogate gran for us, and saw her most weeks at my in-laws, passed away. We were planning to go over later that day, so he missed out seeing her by just a day. :( Robert was quite fond of her, but is still too young to really understand death. He has however since been asking if certain people are going to die (like me, his daddy, Christopher, and Daniel).
Today was the first day that I've not had anyone around to help out with the boys. It's been a peaceful day so far, and very relaxed. I'm hoping it continues! And that the boys enjoy outdoor activities while I sort out more washing. It definitely helps that my first day solo has been sunny, and productive, it always makes me much more cheerful!
Something that needs mentioning here before I sign off, is how the older boys have taken to their new baby brother. Christopher absolutely adores his baby brother. He comes up regularly, saying "me beh-bee gish uck" (me baby kiss hug) and gives him a gentle hug followed by a kiss on the head. By regularly I mean at least every half an hour when he's around. He also starts to sing twinkle twinkle little star whenever he cries, and occasionally waves at him and says "ey-oh beh-bee bwuvvah!" When he can't reach him for a kiss and a hug.
Robert on the other hand doesn't seem to think much of him particularly. The early days were filled with more hugs than later days, so I think Daniel was somewhat a novelty which has since worn off. He still has hugs on occasion, but they seem to be mainly when Christopher has asked, as a way of not feeling left out. I think it is somewhat of a personality thing rather than an age thing, as I remember him being similar when Christopher was a baby. He is however, playing with his dolls a lot more, and even for the first time ever, nursed his doll! (Granted for about a second, and as a game, but still! This coming from the boy who would look at me reproachfully when I suggest he nurse the doll himself, saying "mummy, I don't have milk in my boobies" before insisting that I be the one to nurse the doll. He would cry as the baby, then say "oh no, the baby wants milk AGAIN!" Lift the doll out of the bouncer, nurse it for a second, put it back, then run off, only for the doll to "cry" again, and he runs back saying "the baby wants milk again? I just want to go and play!" Whenever Daniel cries, Robert suggests he wants milk, which I guess in the early stages is actually somewhat accurate!
Something I am thankful for at the moment is Daniel's tolerance for just a warm pair of arms at the moment, unless he is hungry. He will settle down well when cuddled unless he is hungry, which also makes the sling a godsend. We also co-sleep at night, and he actually sleeps really well at night, often going 3-4 hours or more between feeds which is a long time for my boobs!
I'm still waiting on Jonathan to edit the photos we took of Daniel in the first week to post photos here, but I will say: he is the spitting image of Robert as a baby!
Saturday, 18 May 2013
Daniel is here!
Well, here comes Daniel's birth story. Yes I know as I start this, he isn't even 24 hours old. But this story is amazing and I don't want to forget any details!
First off, the general details.
Induction started at 8am by breaking waters.
Born at 11.59am in the birth pool.
Weight: 9lb 9oz
What is amazing about this birth story is that at one point, there was a very real possibility that I might have had an emergency (under GA) cesarean. But that the issue was resolved, and I went on to have a water birth.
I got checked in to a standard room, and after a while, the midwife came back in having looked at my birth plan and asked if I would be interested in using the birth pool. I said that possibly for the first stage, probably not to birth in though. Anyway she showed us through to what was called the "Serenity Suite". It was lovely, twice the size with a birth pool down one end, shower and toilet in the room, music players, mood lighting. I instantly felt wonderful and positive about the experience. We settled in and then we were told that a consultant would break my waters for me. When my waters were broken, the doctor who did it was concerned because Daniel's hand was up by his head, and the head wasn't very engaged, meaning that his hand could creep up and end up in a superman pose. (Which apparently would indicate the need for a cesarean.)
After a while, a different consultant came in with 3 other people (seemingly just observing our conversation) to say they wanted to put me on the hormonal drip to induce contractions to encourage the head to engage and hope it pushed the hand back down. After a short discussion with both the consultant and then Jonathan alone, we decided to risk a c section due to the hand rather than risking a c section due to fetal distress of complications from the drip. We chose to try and engage the head by mobility for half an hour to an hour or so, and then be re-examined to check for the presence of the hand and how engaged the head was.
On re-examination around 9.30-10am, the midwife suddenly became very worried, and said "there's cord there. Jonathan, pull the emergency button". Seconds later, over 6 people (Jonathan reckoned 10+) came rushing in. Tracey, the midwife, told them there was prolapsed cord, and immediately my bed head was lowered, more hands appeared around me "down there". I had a catheter in, a cannula in my arm, I think they used the instrument to open up my vagina so they could see what was going on. They filled my bladder up, took blood, and shifted me onto my left hand side. There was just a flurry of "stuff" happening around me and to me. It was a blur, and all I could think of was "what on earth is happening?" And "oh no, I'm going to go have a c section under general anaesthetic. Prolapsed cord is BAD." And I was thinking about how on earth Jonathan must be feeling too, I kept seeing midwives or doctors faces coming close and offering me reassuring words, or asking me to do something, but didn't see Jonathan. After a while, I heard the magical words "the cord's slipped back down and so has the hand".
Then the consultant who had wanted me to go on the drip earlier put her head close and told me to push hard on the next contraction. I couldn't feel any contractions, but they could tell by the monitor so they told me and I did. I wondered at first if they wanted me to give birth then and there, but then I realised that they just wanted me to get the head engaged to stop anything else coming down past the head again.
The head did come down and engage, and amazingly, thankfully, the consultant then said that with the head deep in the pelvis, there was no room for anything to come back down past the head again, and I was back on for my natural birth!
I stayed on the monitors that were wired in to the machine for another hour. I was quite happy to sit there, I felt a bit like I had been run over by a steam train, and welcomed the excuse to sit, relax, and just stay still. After the hour was up I got up again, and strapped instead to a wireless monitor and was told I'd be able to go in the pool with it, and walk around as I wanted. Since the head was engaged my contractions came on quite strong fairly quickly. Jonathan started to time them on my phone, he started timing them at 10.49am. Between then and 11.34am I'd had 18 contractions. They were coming between every 1.5 and 3 minutes, not regular but very frequent, and progressively stronger. I'd been told I was around 6cm when the cord and fingers had disappeared. I soon had to stop and lean on something, and sway and moan through the contractions. After about 6 or more of these swaying contractions, Tracey asked if I'd like to get in the pool now, and I said yes I would. I didn't think I was very close to birth, but the strength of the contractions meant that I thought it would be nice at that stage. In fact the last contraction before she asked me, I thought I felt the beginning stages of needing to bear down, but I dismissed it, thinking it was way too soon! I then went to the toilet again, did a wee and a poo, but then noticed after the poo that I was definitely starting to bear down, which I told Jonathan about. I got in the pool, and had a few more contractions fairly quickly, bearing down and groaning with them. Tracey went and got long gloves ready, It seemed to go so quickly, although the first few didn't seem to do much in the way I couldn't feel his head descending. But shortly after, I could feel the head coming down. And BOY it felt HUGE! It was so hard, much harder than Christopher's. I could feel it coming down more each time, but it felt almost unbearable with it taking several contractions. I didn't get a break at all with the crowning, it just kept coming, and I couldn't not bear down and keep going. Most of his head came out, I felt like I had to push loads of times to get what was left out - the chin? Then came a short sense of relief, before then the body was coming out. It didn't slip out easily, it felt like it took 5 or 6 pushes to get it fully out. Each time I thought "will it be over with this one? This one?" The relief I felt when the feet came out was just a-maz-ing. I turned over in the pool, lifting my leg up over the top of him, and held the little mischief maker who'd caused so much trouble! Jonathan was crying, telling me how proud he was of me. Sitting there, in the pool, holding my baby who less than 2 hours earlier I thought would be cut out of me while I was knocked out, I was absolutely elated. I did it, it was difficult, but I did it! After a while she cut the cord (she cut it before I would have liked but she had left it a while so better than immediately), and then I went back to the bed to deliver the placenta while I fed Christopher. I cannot remember if I carried him over there or not! While Daniel nursed, I delivered the placenta. It was awful having these contractions while I was snuggling my baby boy, but I immediately knew it was coming when it was, and the relief when it was out, and I knew that was IT. It was over. Completely done and finished. My baby boy was here and safe. He still had some vernix on him, wasn't at all wrinkly, so he wasn't "overcooked" at all. I had a second degree tear again (3rd time), but chose not to have it stitched. The midwife was happy with that, she said it should heal by itself ok.
So there you have it. The very dramatic arrival of Daniel, at 40+15. :)
First off, the general details.
Induction started at 8am by breaking waters.
Born at 11.59am in the birth pool.
Weight: 9lb 9oz
What is amazing about this birth story is that at one point, there was a very real possibility that I might have had an emergency (under GA) cesarean. But that the issue was resolved, and I went on to have a water birth.
I got checked in to a standard room, and after a while, the midwife came back in having looked at my birth plan and asked if I would be interested in using the birth pool. I said that possibly for the first stage, probably not to birth in though. Anyway she showed us through to what was called the "Serenity Suite". It was lovely, twice the size with a birth pool down one end, shower and toilet in the room, music players, mood lighting. I instantly felt wonderful and positive about the experience. We settled in and then we were told that a consultant would break my waters for me. When my waters were broken, the doctor who did it was concerned because Daniel's hand was up by his head, and the head wasn't very engaged, meaning that his hand could creep up and end up in a superman pose. (Which apparently would indicate the need for a cesarean.)
After a while, a different consultant came in with 3 other people (seemingly just observing our conversation) to say they wanted to put me on the hormonal drip to induce contractions to encourage the head to engage and hope it pushed the hand back down. After a short discussion with both the consultant and then Jonathan alone, we decided to risk a c section due to the hand rather than risking a c section due to fetal distress of complications from the drip. We chose to try and engage the head by mobility for half an hour to an hour or so, and then be re-examined to check for the presence of the hand and how engaged the head was.
On re-examination around 9.30-10am, the midwife suddenly became very worried, and said "there's cord there. Jonathan, pull the emergency button". Seconds later, over 6 people (Jonathan reckoned 10+) came rushing in. Tracey, the midwife, told them there was prolapsed cord, and immediately my bed head was lowered, more hands appeared around me "down there". I had a catheter in, a cannula in my arm, I think they used the instrument to open up my vagina so they could see what was going on. They filled my bladder up, took blood, and shifted me onto my left hand side. There was just a flurry of "stuff" happening around me and to me. It was a blur, and all I could think of was "what on earth is happening?" And "oh no, I'm going to go have a c section under general anaesthetic. Prolapsed cord is BAD." And I was thinking about how on earth Jonathan must be feeling too, I kept seeing midwives or doctors faces coming close and offering me reassuring words, or asking me to do something, but didn't see Jonathan. After a while, I heard the magical words "the cord's slipped back down and so has the hand".
Then the consultant who had wanted me to go on the drip earlier put her head close and told me to push hard on the next contraction. I couldn't feel any contractions, but they could tell by the monitor so they told me and I did. I wondered at first if they wanted me to give birth then and there, but then I realised that they just wanted me to get the head engaged to stop anything else coming down past the head again.
The head did come down and engage, and amazingly, thankfully, the consultant then said that with the head deep in the pelvis, there was no room for anything to come back down past the head again, and I was back on for my natural birth!
I stayed on the monitors that were wired in to the machine for another hour. I was quite happy to sit there, I felt a bit like I had been run over by a steam train, and welcomed the excuse to sit, relax, and just stay still. After the hour was up I got up again, and strapped instead to a wireless monitor and was told I'd be able to go in the pool with it, and walk around as I wanted. Since the head was engaged my contractions came on quite strong fairly quickly. Jonathan started to time them on my phone, he started timing them at 10.49am. Between then and 11.34am I'd had 18 contractions. They were coming between every 1.5 and 3 minutes, not regular but very frequent, and progressively stronger. I'd been told I was around 6cm when the cord and fingers had disappeared. I soon had to stop and lean on something, and sway and moan through the contractions. After about 6 or more of these swaying contractions, Tracey asked if I'd like to get in the pool now, and I said yes I would. I didn't think I was very close to birth, but the strength of the contractions meant that I thought it would be nice at that stage. In fact the last contraction before she asked me, I thought I felt the beginning stages of needing to bear down, but I dismissed it, thinking it was way too soon! I then went to the toilet again, did a wee and a poo, but then noticed after the poo that I was definitely starting to bear down, which I told Jonathan about. I got in the pool, and had a few more contractions fairly quickly, bearing down and groaning with them. Tracey went and got long gloves ready, It seemed to go so quickly, although the first few didn't seem to do much in the way I couldn't feel his head descending. But shortly after, I could feel the head coming down. And BOY it felt HUGE! It was so hard, much harder than Christopher's. I could feel it coming down more each time, but it felt almost unbearable with it taking several contractions. I didn't get a break at all with the crowning, it just kept coming, and I couldn't not bear down and keep going. Most of his head came out, I felt like I had to push loads of times to get what was left out - the chin? Then came a short sense of relief, before then the body was coming out. It didn't slip out easily, it felt like it took 5 or 6 pushes to get it fully out. Each time I thought "will it be over with this one? This one?" The relief I felt when the feet came out was just a-maz-ing. I turned over in the pool, lifting my leg up over the top of him, and held the little mischief maker who'd caused so much trouble! Jonathan was crying, telling me how proud he was of me. Sitting there, in the pool, holding my baby who less than 2 hours earlier I thought would be cut out of me while I was knocked out, I was absolutely elated. I did it, it was difficult, but I did it! After a while she cut the cord (she cut it before I would have liked but she had left it a while so better than immediately), and then I went back to the bed to deliver the placenta while I fed Christopher. I cannot remember if I carried him over there or not! While Daniel nursed, I delivered the placenta. It was awful having these contractions while I was snuggling my baby boy, but I immediately knew it was coming when it was, and the relief when it was out, and I knew that was IT. It was over. Completely done and finished. My baby boy was here and safe. He still had some vernix on him, wasn't at all wrinkly, so he wasn't "overcooked" at all. I had a second degree tear again (3rd time), but chose not to have it stitched. The midwife was happy with that, she said it should heal by itself ok.
So there you have it. The very dramatic arrival of Daniel, at 40+15. :)
Friday, 17 May 2013
42 weeks 1 day
So yesterday I went in to be induced. We got there around 9am, and by 10am we had been seen, and I had had a CTG trace. She examined me and I was 3-4cm, my cervix was soft and central, but 2cm thick. And she could feel my waters. So she said that we could head straight to delivery once there was room.
How exciting! We could have a baby by lunchtime, and maybe go home by evening! But nope, we waited... And waited.. I walked, bounced, napped. Then it was 8pm and we still had no news on when we would go down. Finally we were told that we wouldn't be sent down til morning. I was extremely annoyed. And promptly said I was going home then.
They told us that today at 7am we could go straight to delivery. My excitement and anticipation has long since evaporated. It has been replaced by worry and annoyance. If I hadn't had all this pressure on me from day one (well, just before 41 weeks) to give birth imminently, I probably would have had this baby already! This entire last stage of pregnancy has been fraught with anxiety and pressure.
And once more I am scared of everything that could happen. After yet another disappointing day, I just can't imagine this birth going well.
So I'm lying in bed, my own bed at home. And have been thinking and wondering if I'll ever meet my baby, and how all the stress I have gone through these last few weeks would have affected him. Please keep us all in your thoughts today. Please pray that we have a quick and easy birth. X
How exciting! We could have a baby by lunchtime, and maybe go home by evening! But nope, we waited... And waited.. I walked, bounced, napped. Then it was 8pm and we still had no news on when we would go down. Finally we were told that we wouldn't be sent down til morning. I was extremely annoyed. And promptly said I was going home then.
They told us that today at 7am we could go straight to delivery. My excitement and anticipation has long since evaporated. It has been replaced by worry and annoyance. If I hadn't had all this pressure on me from day one (well, just before 41 weeks) to give birth imminently, I probably would have had this baby already! This entire last stage of pregnancy has been fraught with anxiety and pressure.
And once more I am scared of everything that could happen. After yet another disappointing day, I just can't imagine this birth going well.
So I'm lying in bed, my own bed at home. And have been thinking and wondering if I'll ever meet my baby, and how all the stress I have gone through these last few weeks would have affected him. Please keep us all in your thoughts today. Please pray that we have a quick and easy birth. X
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
41weeks 6 days
Following a very very promising night last night, where I had "proper" labour contractions regularly from midnight and throughout the next few hours when I woke, I was SURE I would have a baby in my arms by now. But they disappeared, and I was left disappointed, stressed, and either in tears or on the verge of tears for most of the day.
I have been feeling conflicted the entire day about my induction appointment tomorrow. What is best for us. My feelings of confidence about the birth, my fears, my hopes. I could write it all down here but it would take ages, it's been hashed over so much I feel like my head would explode.
We went over to the inlaws for lunch, and Jonathan called my mum as well to come up for emotional support. After lunch we went out to a fabulous garden centre and mooched to distract myself from my emotions. Then went back to the inlaws and stayed until 6ish when we came back home with my mum staying here overnight.
We (the three of us) had a long discussion once the boys were in bed. My mum didn't give her actual opinion on whether she thought we should go in for induction. But helped bring up matters to discuss. And I'm gutted to have had to make the decision, because I KNOW my body can do it, but the pressure from medical staff is just too much for me to bear thinking about. I've decided to keep the appointment. I've absolutely despised to have to make that decision. I'm gutted beyond words that I haven't gone into labour before the 14 days. And I'm not bearing to hope I might go into labour overnight because I've been disappointed so often and left with dashed hopes.
I'm terrified of going in with Christopher's birth as a likely scenario as to what will happen because his went so well I feel like I'd be setting myself up for more failure. Between now and 9am I'm going to try and prepare myself for the worst. I hate hate HATE that it has come to this.
But maybe it will be alright. And maybe, just maybe, I will be holding my baby boy 24 hours from now.
I have been feeling conflicted the entire day about my induction appointment tomorrow. What is best for us. My feelings of confidence about the birth, my fears, my hopes. I could write it all down here but it would take ages, it's been hashed over so much I feel like my head would explode.
We went over to the inlaws for lunch, and Jonathan called my mum as well to come up for emotional support. After lunch we went out to a fabulous garden centre and mooched to distract myself from my emotions. Then went back to the inlaws and stayed until 6ish when we came back home with my mum staying here overnight.
We (the three of us) had a long discussion once the boys were in bed. My mum didn't give her actual opinion on whether she thought we should go in for induction. But helped bring up matters to discuss. And I'm gutted to have had to make the decision, because I KNOW my body can do it, but the pressure from medical staff is just too much for me to bear thinking about. I've decided to keep the appointment. I've absolutely despised to have to make that decision. I'm gutted beyond words that I haven't gone into labour before the 14 days. And I'm not bearing to hope I might go into labour overnight because I've been disappointed so often and left with dashed hopes.
I'm terrified of going in with Christopher's birth as a likely scenario as to what will happen because his went so well I feel like I'd be setting myself up for more failure. Between now and 9am I'm going to try and prepare myself for the worst. I hate hate HATE that it has come to this.
But maybe it will be alright. And maybe, just maybe, I will be holding my baby boy 24 hours from now.
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