36 weeks 4 days - midwife home birth checkup and antenatal, J's birthday

Ahh ok, midwife has just left, but will talk about last night first and then the appointment later.

Since I don't work and any money I spend Jonathan essentially pays for, I decided instead of "taking him" out for a meal, where he would essentially pay for it, I thought I would do something that showed a bit more thought. So I planned what I would cook, check what I needed, and I actually bought a lot of the stuff at tesco on the Saturday. I cooked him a meal (that actually turned out very nice!!) of garlic chicken, stuffed with cheese and onion, wrapped in a rasher of bacon.. with a creamy garlic mashed potato, veg and creamy cheese sauce (which I made from scratch! Go me!).

He came home shortly before I'd finished cooking, so I made him go and find some nice romantic music hehe. :) Then on the table I'd put a vase of flowers, a candle, two posh glasses to have a non-alcoholic fruit juice cocktail I'd made in, and we turned out all the lights and had a lovely candlelit dinner. :) It was delicious (if I say so myself! haha), and was so nice. :) Then I asked him if he wanted some dessert, and went out and got a cake I had made earlier in the day, lit a candle on top, and brought it out. :) The music was still playing so I didn't sing happy birthday. The cake was nice, but it wasn't as fluffy as it could have been - I needed to have whipped it some more, but ah well. :)

Then afterwards he opened cards and presents from other people that were hanging around, and then after that, the ones from me (which weren't actually that exciting, he said he needed new shirts so I bought him several new shirts). Then we watched his choice of film (Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels). By the time it had finished I was actually very tired, I hadn't really had time to nap at all during the day. So while he was watching Dead Set - the Big Brother zombie thing - I went upstairs, caught up on a few emails and then after J came up we went to bed.

So a very pleasant evening :)

Anyway, onto the midwife appointment she came for a visit to talk about home birth and stuff... She said foremost that I have to be between 38 weeks and 10 days overdue to be considered for a homebirth. Otherwise I'd have to go in. So it's not the 37 weeks I'd heard elsewhere... oh well. She went through all the protocol, about transferance, about some limitations with the community midwifes and depending on who was on call etc. Something I wasn't too pleased about was that she said "if someone else is giving birth and there's not enough on call midwives to come out to you, you may be asked to go into hospital." I didn't say anything to Bev but at the hypnobirthing classes, Jenny told us sometimes they do do that, and a midwife had told her off the record that if a person was to say under those circumstances "No, I'm staying put, you'd better send someone to me" they'd have no choice but to find someone to send out to you.

She also mentioned about Vitamin K, and they were saying how it's either given in oral doses spread out over a couple of months (!) or in an injection within a few hours after the baby is born... I'll have to do more research into that I think because I don't feel comfortable having my 2 hour old baby having a needle stuck into his leg, like the transition isn't hard enough for the wee little things!! So if I was to give it to him I think it'd be orally.

One thing I did like was that she acknowledged the hypnobirthing we'd been doing and she said the midwife would try not to say much at all to me unless it was necessary.

Anyway once all the homebirth talk was over, she started on my antenatal. BP and urine fine again, I told her about the swelling I'd had in my ankles and the trips I had had last week to the GP. Then she felt my tummy, Robert's still head down, not only that but he's 3/5 engaged!! He measured 36 weeks again which is back to normal but he's also engaging, so wow, yeah. :) She checked his heartbeat, and I was surprised, it was so fast! Much much faster than I've heard it before, but Bev said it was normal, it was 160 bpm, and constant over the time she listened.

I mentioned to her also that I've been getting a few days where he's quiet a lot of the time, and then a few days where he's very active, she said as long as I'm getting 10 movements a day it should be fine. I've not actually been counting his movements. Ooops!

Anyway she said my next appointment I'd have to go down to the surgery for (bah), which is in a couple of weeks. She said she'd also pop by next Wednesday to drop in a home birth pack ready for the midwife who comes when I'm in labour. So very exciting! Lets just hope that Robert lets us have the home birth I want for him!

36 weeks 3 days - Jonathan's birthday, lots of sorting to do! :)

Jonathan's had to go to work today because he's got no more time off work this year (he's taking two weeks off as paid holiday for when Robert is born, as the statutory paternity pay is a huge pay cut for him and he'd rather take the time off as holiday than paternity). But this works out well for what I've got planned for him, as I can sort it out while he's at work today, ready for when he gets home! :)

Yesterday I didn't really get off my feet at all, and paid the price... ho hum. So today I must remember to take breaks if I can at all (should be possible as I'm up already, already had breakfast, and ready to start), so I'm not in pain for when Jonathan is home.

Of course the timing of a certain high street shop with J's presents will be important, but hopefully as long as they're not too late - ie before about 5.30pm - it'll fit in ok. I was actually quite pissed off with them yesterday, I got an email saying that "one or more" items were out of stock and had therefore been deleted from my order (!!) they didn't say which one(s), and didn't even say on my website account with them! I had to compare the dispatch list to the list I printed out to work out what was missing :S And also, for supposedly one of the biggest high street shops, you'd expect their communication on when things get delivered to be good... I got an email saying my items had been despatched, but not when their date of delivery would be.. I assumed since they were despatched on Friday I'd get them by Monday latest. But No... I had to sign in to the online account I made with them, and look there, which I wouldn't have done if they hadn't mysteriously gone out of stock with one of J's birthday presents! You'd think they'd mention on the despatch email the date of delivery too... *sigh*

So yeah was rather miserable yesterday on finding that out. But it's a new day, so I'm feeeeeeeeelin' goood! (Haha that song popped into my head, one of the X factor contestants sang it on the last programme)

Just sent J an email ready for when he gets into work (although he may have already got into work), saying that I hope his day doesn't seem too long but at least he has tonight to look forward to ;) So he knows he's not been forgotten ;)

And then tomorrow morning we have the midwife appointment. I am wondering how big little Robbie will measure then! Maybe still 2-3 weeks ahead, or maybe more! If more, I'll be measuring 40 weeks! Haha. :) I think I am bigger than I was 2 weeks ago so I'd be surprised if he's measuring the same (and therefore on target) as last time.

Part of me is hoping I'll be early, because I am feeling more and more big. It doesn't help there's a bunch of boxes on the landing ready to go up in the loft, and the position they're in means that I have to squeeze past them with my big baby belly... my bottom sliding past the bedroom door frame, my belly sliding past the boxes... argh! ;) Maybe I can persuade J to put them up in the loft first thing tomorrow morning before the midwife is due to come.

Also if I am early it'll mean the gap between Robert's birthday and Ewan's will be furthur apart, meaning having grandparents over for birthday parties won't be an issue. Although I have no saying over it, if Robert's birthday ends up on or right near Ewan's I'm sure we'll work things out. It'll probably end up like my mum will be over with us and my dad will be over with Ewan. It seems that way anyway judging by how they're already acting. Plus my mum has said to me she doesn't really feel like a grandparent to Ewan, and that she'll probably feel closer to Robert. It's kind of how I feel as well - Ewan doesn't feel like my nephew. I don't get updates on him, I don't get phone calls (since whenever I do phone they're always busy, trying to settle him, have visitors over, etc etc - so I leave it to them), I wanted to know more about Nicky's pregnancy with him but she wasn't interested on telling me. As sad as it might sound, I feel closer to the children of the diarylanders I read than my own nephew.

Ah well, time will tell what happens I guess.

Anyway, morning is stretching on, and I need to get sorting! Oh, and excellent timing, the delivery has shown up :)

36 weeks 2 days - swelling update, hypnosis, braxton hicks (lack of!)

It's J's birthday tomorrow, and I'm still waiting on an order with his presents to arrive! Arghh! Apparently they were dispatched Friday afternoon, so I'd damn well hope they'll arrive today! Got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, what with the surprises I have to prepare for him. Although he may have an idea what they are since we went shopping yesterday and there were some "odd" items on the list! Hahaha! But I won't spell it out since I think he did read my diary yesterday and he might again today! You'll have to wait until Wednesday before I tell you. Hehehe.

I'm feeling quite chirpy lately. Even despite having to get up last night for peeing, heartburn AND suddenly getting a sicky feeling in my throat. Heh. But I am loving Robert's squirms. It's strange, on the november forum I read, someone was saying how her little one hiccups lots too and she doesn't like it, and how she will miss his kicks and squirms but not the hiccups. I was thinking lately how although the hiccups sometimes do annoy me (the constant blipping feeling down in my tummy can be very disconcerting!), I do still like them (not as much as kicks and punches and wriggles), and I will certainly miss them. But sometimes they are nice reminders that he is in there and still ok (!!) even when he doesn't feel like wriggling.

I am terrified beyond words that I could lose Robert before he is born. Of course losing him at all would absolutely devastate me, but to not be able to hold him and watch his tummy rise and fall, to watch his precious face sleeping, or looking around with beady inquisitive eyes. I just hold on to each and every movement he makes, every kick, every punch, every stretch and squirm, every bout of hiccups. And treasure each and every one.

About the swelling - I am trying to take it easier lately. Although some days I don't lay up most of the time and therefore I do get balloon ankles by the afternoon. It's a lot less often I get pains in the sides of my feet from walking on puffy feet/ankles, and if I do get them, I go and lay down immediately. I'm trying to drink more too, even though it means I go to the toilet over 10 times a day. But the short of it is that I'm coping with it. And I'm thinking less about it too, and letting it get me down less.

I'm now definitely onto the thinking about getting the house sorted. The back room is still quite messy. We have the changing table up and stocked full of nappies, and wipes, and powder, etc. The next job for me will be to sort out a hospital bag (Can't be too careful!!! Although I am hoping for a home birth there's no saying that I won't have to go in! Either because of special circumstances that arise during labour, or because of premature labour. If I go into labour this week I will have to go into hospital!

That's another thing thats worrying me. People are talking on the November forum about how they are getting really strong braxton hicks all the time now. And for me, I get nothing! Well, occasionally I feel like my uterus has tightened up, but apart from me feeling it with my hands, I cannot tell! I don't get any outside sensations... I'm absolutely terrified I won't actually KNOW when I'm in labour! Unless of course the labour sensations are stronger than my braxton hicks if you can call them that. Maybe it will take me a little while before they start becoming stronger, as most of the November women are due before me (as they would be really, with me being at the end! Haha). I guess I wait and see!

Oh! Something I didn't mention last entry was that Jonathan put on one of his new albums he got for his birthday - a Sarah McLachlan one. Some of the tracks were - odd... and rather upbeat, but as we were listening, he would skip over those ones. The other ones were lovely. And after a while of sitting next to J and listening to them, I realised that I had managed to put myself into a really deep hypnosis (without even trying!). I was aware of the songs, aware of when Jonathan skipped a song, but I was sitting there, my arms flopped down beside me, my legs outstretched onto a beanbag in front of me, and they just felt like lead, like I couldn't move them even if I wanted to. My feet tingling, my face and body so relaxed. It was lovely! Exactly the state I need to be in when I'm in labour. It took me ages to be able to shake my body into being able to move and get up. One thing I remember though is that even just sitting there I did feel very parched - so J really will have to make sure I'm getting enough liquid.

Ahhh I am really looking forward to it!! I'm so glad to say that I am! :) Not least because I will get to meet my sweet squirmy little boy! Ahhh I can't wait!

36 weeks 1 day - inlaws idea, getting ready!

Getting to be quite excited now about seeing my little man, I know it may well be as long as 6 weeks away, but it could be as little as 1 or 2! We've got some baby toiletry type things from tesco - nappies, nappy bags, bath stuff, lotion, powder etc. Should be able to get a hospital bag packed soon now with all those bits and bobs, ready for the outing to Thorpe Park this saturday.

Last night the in-laws came over to take J (well and me) out for a meal for his birthday, had a nice curry in the indian. It was very pleasant, and J showed them the old photographs he'd come across that he'd taken as a boy, which they enjoyed. Something that was quite good was that after a while his dad mentioned an idea that he/they must have had, that after new year (presumably to give us time to get settled with Robert) they suggested that during the week (perhaps on a regular basis) they come and pick me and Robert up in the morning, drive us back to their house 30 minutes or so away, and spend the day there with them, and then J comes back via their house in the evening after work. Sounds to me like a really lovely idea, will mean I get some company during the day, maybe even a little rest! And Robert will get to spend time with his grandparents.

J and I went for a walk after we'd been shopping, because as we were walking out of Tesco, the weather was just wonderful. Clear, cold, crisp, very slight breeze... just one of those lovely autumn/winter weather days. Lovely. :)

I think I might be getting a little low on vitamin C - I've started craving fruits again, as well as my latest usual creamy/milky foods. I get through 6 pints of milk these days so quickly! Cereal, and umpteen glasses of milkshakes normally.

Anyway I guess that's all the recent news (since yesterday hehe). Back again tomorrow probably. xx

36 weeks - belly picture!

Quick entry before I get on with some washing up (Parents-in-law coming over tonight for a meal, we're going out to the local indian for J's birthday which is on Tuesday). Just uploaded a new belly picture into the gallery. 36 weeks! Arghh! 36 weeks! Where'd the time fly to??

Will just upload the other two here as usual...

Lots o' lovely stretchmarks! Haha. Ah well, I guess it means he's doing some lovely growing in there! :)

Anyway, best get on with the washing up, so I can spend a while with my feet elevated this afternoon before we go out.

Oh, and mega congratulations to Alice! ;) I was beginning to wonder if we'd actually be pregnant at the same time! ;)

35 weeks 6 days - forum signature, christmas, squirmy little escape artist

I've ordered some things for Jonathan's birthday next week yesterday. Was going to do it on Tuesday but since it said despatch was next day, I thought I'd wait til I knew I'd be in the house all day. I've got him some things I know he needs (and hopefully he'll like), I won't say here just yet incase he reads this! (I don't think he bothers to read this much anymore, but can't hurt to be careful!) At the same time I also got some bits for me that I need to see me through to the end of this pregnancy.

A woman on my EDD forum, who's actually had her baby now, but she was initially due in November before they moved her dates.. anyway she stuck around in the November thread, and she's got such a pretty forum signature, I asked her where she got it from, she sent me the link and I went along to see if I could get myself one too.. Basically people there make others signatures in their spare time for fun, I guess a little like the web designs I did over at RP Designs for a while. Except theirs are custom made, you go and post a photo, say what you want it to say, etc, and they make it. They still have quite a lot of creative freedom over it. But anyway, I'll post it here because it's too cute!!

I got it from Custom Keepsakes if anyone's interested in getting their own done, you register, and then post in the request section with the information they set out in a sticky, and then someone will pick it up. :)

Robert's been a squirmy little chap again today. Did another escape attempt earlier. And he keeps waving his hands and arms around in there! It's quite cute and funny. :) I can't wait til my next midwife appointment! I am so eager to see how much he's grown, even if "inside tummy" measurements aren't that accurate!! ;) And tomorrow will be time for another belly picture. I keep thinking he's dropping a little, but then I'll think "no he hasn't" because he still feels quite high up near my ribs, and theres still a lot of floppy skin under the bump (haha!). I can't believe tomorrow I'll be 36 weeks. How crazy is that!!! 36.. wow. It's still kinda setting in for me that I am actually pregnant (LOL!) and that so soon I'm going to have a baby... a new chapter of my life starting as a parent... so exciting, so scary.

I got a text from my brother yesterday, saying "Do you think we should do presents only for the children this year?" which was like wow - this christmas, both me and my brother will be PARENTS! With children! I replied back saying that this year, no adults will be getting presents from us at all, and that if they wanted to do the same with us then that was fine with us. We will be getting Ewan something (although what I have no idea!!! And I have to find something for his birthday too!), and also my step-cousins a little something each for Christmas. But apart from those, everyone else is getting cards only. Until we get our camcorder out! ;)

Oooh, talking of which, if anyone would like to send me their postal address, I'd love to stalk... ahem I mean I'd love to send you cards this year, just send me an email, and I'll add you to my christmas card list!

Anyway, hope you're all well, and *hugs* to Becca, I'm sure your little munchkin will be along soon! Just stay positive! xx

35 weeks 5 days - BP down, cheap baby clothes, more irrational worries

The waterbirth information evening was interesting. However it was a waste of almost an hour for some poor woman who came in, and then towards the end asked if she could use the pool as she'd previously had a cesarian section (the midwife leading the session had towards the beginning said what conditions had to be met to be able to use it, including being full term, not on certain painkillers, etc but not mentioned cesarians), at which point the midwife said "no, sorry." So the woman got up to leave as at that point there was no reason for her to stay. I felt sorry she'd sat through all that for nothing.

What Jenny had told us about hospital led sessions about labour etc was true, talking very much about pain relief, so I tried my best to let that go in one ear and out the other. She then showed us a video of a water birth, which I thought was ok (I was expecting screaming and stuff or at least something more horrendous generally than I'd seen during the hypnobirthing classes), but afterwards, one of the pregnant women there said "I don't want to give birth now!" when the midwife asked if there were any comments. At some point the woman on the video cried out "Jesus Christ!!", presumably as the baby was crowning. But that was it really... *sigh*

Anyway. My BP is down to normal again, although the nurse that took it seemed very flustered and as though she wasn't very organised... And she used a bigger band to take my BP, and started off using her finger to take my pulse, and then switched hurriedly to using the stethoscope. But I shall wait and see what happens next wednesday with the midwife home visit.

This morning I also on a whim phoned a number in a newspaper advert, the classifieds, which was advertising big bags of 30+ items per bag for baby boys clothes. The newspaper was from June this year, so I wasn't holding my breath for them to still be available, but the woman did still have a bag of 0-3 month old clothes, and a bag of 6-9 month old clothes, which we can get for �10 a bag! She said she also had a baby bouncer and a baby beanbag she wanted to get rid of, both in good condition for �20. Bargains! It's a bit of a journey - 1 hour 20 minutes there and back, but will probably be worth it! Kettering Hospital, where we are having the various classes is about half way along the route, so it might be worth stopping by after the class to pick them up then.

Onto other news/revelations: I am beginning to wonder if Robert can really be classed as an "active" baby. I thought he was quite active, and he does indeed at times have extremely active moments, but lately, he does seem to be not very active. I'll feel an occasional foot sweep around the top of my bump, and the occasional light brushing feeling of a hand moving around "down there".. but big squirms seem to be very few and far between. And I have no other frame of reference to know whether he is in fact average, under average, or over average on terms of squirminess. All I know is that I look out for movements of any sort, and as long as I feel several a day I don't worry too much.

It does petrify me the thought that after such a long time of getting to know the squirmy little thing inside me the thought that something could happen... inexplicably, and he could be still born. Something like that happened to someone on the forums I read recently. Someone was due middle of October, and her baby died around the end of September, born a couple of days later. So sad... and I wish I wasn't the sort of person to dwell on these things. When someone lost their baby at 20 weeks (due same date as me), I was convinced it may happen to me too, and I was so scared. Now I'm reaching the end of my pregnancy, it's like the worry is still there, like it will never go away. I'll probably be the sort of mum to rush upstairs every 15 minutes to check on her sleeping baby to make sure he's still breathing.

Anyway, I'll leave off for now. Hope you're all having a fab week.