Well, today marks 13 weeks pregnant, which, by any pregnancy calendar, marks my transition into the second trimester.
I can't remember what I was reading, I think it might have been this birth story on Mama Birth. Anyway, after I finished reading it, I had what I would describe as an epiphany. One of those moments where things become clearer and you just KNOW what to do.
I have wanted - to some degree - a home birth with this baby. Part of me thinking so I could "do it right". My first (home)birth did not go to plan. My second birth went beautifully, but was an induced hospital birth. I was thinking "I'd love to try it again, to give birth and do it right. To get the birth I wanted with my first baby.". There were many "if"s though. My diagnosis last pregnancy of gestational diabetes. If I get diagnosed again, what is going to happen to these plans of a home birth? Will I want to risk a home birth? Will I accept an early induction again? Would I do anything differently? Even though I have lost weight, I do think that I will be diagnosed again. And mentally preparing myself for what I will do given the diagnosis. I am being tested for gestational diabetes in 3 weeks time, when I will be 16 weeks. I will have 12 additional weeks to make sure I am controlling it well after being diagnosed, than I had last time.
Now, I know this woman didn't have gestational diabetes, the one in the birth story, but it did just make me think, that this IS the right thing. That I trust my body to provide a safe environment for my baby, and that I will make damned well sure I do what I can to make that a reality, meaning I will control this diabetes, I will make damn sure I am as low risk as I possibly can be despite diabetes. I will trust my body to nourish my baby the perfect amount, to continue to grow my baby well, and to birth my baby when s/he is ready to be born. That if I go overdue, and they are getting anxious, I will go in for monitoring. I will seek out support with people who have been through the same situation. I will TRUST myself, and my baby. And I will lean on my caregivers for help should I need it. I will not be scaremongered. I will research my options and ask for information. If I ask them to elaborate on a risk they perceive me to be subject to, and they are vague or try and fob me off with a non-answer, I will question, and question again. I will ask what the risks are with what they PROPOSE (they will of course freely provide me with the risks of what they DON'T want me to do). I will trust my body and my baby to work together perfectly when the time comes of the baby's own choosing. I will do it.
I had 3 hospital births but your body created a miracle, it carries it through to birth and knows what to do. As long as you have confidence in yourself, your body and midwife and have a healthy baby at the end then just how or where you get there doesn't really matter. It's what got me through and I had short happy labours. I wish you the same.
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