I am thinking of undertaking a challenge... starting May 7th, until April 6th. I think I am crazy, but well, maybe we shall see!
The amount of times in the last two, three years we have had "fun time" for that - fun, and not making babies, I could probably count on one hand. Mostly I've just told him to come in when I'm already in bed, and he'll do it that way, so I'm half asleep when we have done recently, mostly... and I think that's due a change!
The article I linked makes an interesting read anyway!
Wednesday 28 April 2010
Monday 26 April 2010
16 weeks 4 days - Robert's first word!
So... you mostly already know, but last night my baby boy said his first word! I'm not entirely sure if he's using it in the right context (he might think it means tickles) but he kept squealing in the cutest little voice "egg-GEH!" after I'd tickle him and ask if I should do it again :) He is just such a little poppet! (most of the time!)
Also what is really cute is how now, when he's having his bedtime milk, I will say to him "do you want Mummy to sing you a song?" and he'll sort of grunt at me while feeding, and his whole little body moves with the emphasis :) Today I was feeding him, and bless him he looked sooo sleepy (usually he's wide awake and playing with his hands) and just lying there peacefully, his eyes keeping on drooping and eventually he loosened his latch and I said to him "do you want to go to bed?" and he grunted a little and loosened his latch more. When I took him into his room I said goodnight, and told him I loved him like usual, and he remembers that I also give him a kiss, and he turned towards me with his mouth open for a kiss :) (still got the open mouthed kisses! But I shall miss them so much when he learns to kiss properly!)
This photo just makes my heart melt! (and I'm SO SO pleased that Jonathan kept it, he's notorious for deleting ANY photo that's not perfectly sharp, regardless of whether it's an otherwise good photo!)
I just love him so so so much, and that just far outweighs any exasperation or frustration I ever have with him!
As for my pregnancy... this week I am feeling far more kicks and also, for the first time, fairly early wriggles!! I never felt wriggles this early with Robert, and I did always ponder the description of "fluttering" but now I know they were on about baby moving, somersalting, rather than kicking, which feels like the popping bubbles :) I don't feel movements or kicks every day, but I do feel them quite often now, which I am just loving!!
I am also excited because I found out today that Jonathan has definitely booked us a holiday for the middle of June! I've not been on a holiday for years and as I'll only be 23/24 weeks along that week I'll be feeling not too big and heavy, feeling lots of lovely kicks. :) Our first (and last!) holiday with just the three of us! Because just four months after we'll be a family of 4!
Anyway, that's all for now, I doubt it'll be long before I'm updating again!
Also what is really cute is how now, when he's having his bedtime milk, I will say to him "do you want Mummy to sing you a song?" and he'll sort of grunt at me while feeding, and his whole little body moves with the emphasis :) Today I was feeding him, and bless him he looked sooo sleepy (usually he's wide awake and playing with his hands) and just lying there peacefully, his eyes keeping on drooping and eventually he loosened his latch and I said to him "do you want to go to bed?" and he grunted a little and loosened his latch more. When I took him into his room I said goodnight, and told him I loved him like usual, and he remembers that I also give him a kiss, and he turned towards me with his mouth open for a kiss :) (still got the open mouthed kisses! But I shall miss them so much when he learns to kiss properly!)
This photo just makes my heart melt! (and I'm SO SO pleased that Jonathan kept it, he's notorious for deleting ANY photo that's not perfectly sharp, regardless of whether it's an otherwise good photo!)
I just love him so so so much, and that just far outweighs any exasperation or frustration I ever have with him!
As for my pregnancy... this week I am feeling far more kicks and also, for the first time, fairly early wriggles!! I never felt wriggles this early with Robert, and I did always ponder the description of "fluttering" but now I know they were on about baby moving, somersalting, rather than kicking, which feels like the popping bubbles :) I don't feel movements or kicks every day, but I do feel them quite often now, which I am just loving!!
I am also excited because I found out today that Jonathan has definitely booked us a holiday for the middle of June! I've not been on a holiday for years and as I'll only be 23/24 weeks along that week I'll be feeling not too big and heavy, feeling lots of lovely kicks. :) Our first (and last!) holiday with just the three of us! Because just four months after we'll be a family of 4!
Anyway, that's all for now, I doubt it'll be long before I'm updating again!
Friday 23 April 2010
16 weeks 1 day - thoughts on BF
Yesterday, for the first time in MONTHS (seriously, longer than I remember) Robert asked me during the day to breastfeed. So I let him! I was out in the garden, lying on our picnic blanket, and hey, people might have been looking out of their windows but so what ;) I think apart from just before bedtime, I will not offer Robert milk, but if he wants some he can have it. I offer just before bedtime as I think it does help calm him down. This morning he was so busy he didn't have any milk like he usually does! Jonathan usually puts him on the bed and the first thing Robert usually does is grab the duvet covers and yank it down for some breakfast! ;) But not this morning, he came in with a teddy and was so intent on that, and on grinning at himself in the mirror that he forgot all about it ;)
I saw a page on facebook, with some witty comments in responce to rude questions regarding breastfeeding, some of which were quite thought provoking. Like the comment that "when he's old enough to ask for it, then he's too old for it" the reply to that was something like "Well I took my son at 3 days old, turning his head and opening his mouth wide as asking for it, are you suggesting I should have weaned him then?" And things like "he doesn't need to breastfeed at this age" I agree that breastfeeding is not "needed" in the sense that he will get the majority of his nutrition from other food, but there's no denying that breastfeeding does give some nutrition still. For example, we don't NEED to eat an apple, because we can survive on other foods, but that apple is still good for us, so why refuse ourselves to eat this apple on that basis? It is mainly stigma, one that I'm still not crystal clear on my opinion surrounding the whole carrying on breastfeeding for years and years thing.
But one thing - that today Robert is 17 months old. He has been breastfed (almost) every day for 17 whole months, something which is no mean feat! I know others have done it for longer, but every month for each mother is a huge achievement :)
Anyway, basically I'm carrying on - for as long as I can bear it! And I am so hoping to be able to tandem feed. Rather selfishly I suppose - but I feel that with two nurslings, it will be even easier for me to lose weight as long as I am very sensible with my eating and making sure not to get too many takeaways, to try and cram the freezer full of healthy homecooked food for quick meals! Seeing some recent pictures of me full length I feel disgusted, I don't look pregnant, I look FAT. I am so hoping to be able to lose at least 3 stone in the year after Squidge is born, and by the time Squidge is 2, to be down to my ideal weight.
Oh, other news. Robert has given himself a fat lip. He tripped over Jonathan's foot and bit himself. BOY can lips bleed!!! It's not lovely and raised over the cut, and a lovely purple colour. Luckily he was ok after a few minutes. But yet another cut to sport, along with the graze near his hairline when he fell out of the house (out of the french doors, not an upstairs window or something haha!). Boys... they do get into a lot of mischief!
I saw a page on facebook, with some witty comments in responce to rude questions regarding breastfeeding, some of which were quite thought provoking. Like the comment that "when he's old enough to ask for it, then he's too old for it" the reply to that was something like "Well I took my son at 3 days old, turning his head and opening his mouth wide as asking for it, are you suggesting I should have weaned him then?" And things like "he doesn't need to breastfeed at this age" I agree that breastfeeding is not "needed" in the sense that he will get the majority of his nutrition from other food, but there's no denying that breastfeeding does give some nutrition still. For example, we don't NEED to eat an apple, because we can survive on other foods, but that apple is still good for us, so why refuse ourselves to eat this apple on that basis? It is mainly stigma, one that I'm still not crystal clear on my opinion surrounding the whole carrying on breastfeeding for years and years thing.
But one thing - that today Robert is 17 months old. He has been breastfed (almost) every day for 17 whole months, something which is no mean feat! I know others have done it for longer, but every month for each mother is a huge achievement :)
Anyway, basically I'm carrying on - for as long as I can bear it! And I am so hoping to be able to tandem feed. Rather selfishly I suppose - but I feel that with two nurslings, it will be even easier for me to lose weight as long as I am very sensible with my eating and making sure not to get too many takeaways, to try and cram the freezer full of healthy homecooked food for quick meals! Seeing some recent pictures of me full length I feel disgusted, I don't look pregnant, I look FAT. I am so hoping to be able to lose at least 3 stone in the year after Squidge is born, and by the time Squidge is 2, to be down to my ideal weight.
Oh, other news. Robert has given himself a fat lip. He tripped over Jonathan's foot and bit himself. BOY can lips bleed!!! It's not lovely and raised over the cut, and a lovely purple colour. Luckily he was ok after a few minutes. But yet another cut to sport, along with the graze near his hairline when he fell out of the house (out of the french doors, not an upstairs window or something haha!). Boys... they do get into a lot of mischief!
Tuesday 20 April 2010
15 weeks 5 days - heartbeat! And a dream!
Well I am so very very nearly 16 weeks pregnant now. How is this possible???!! It was only a couple of weeks ago I was sitting on the edge of my bath holding a positive pregnancy test in my shaking hand! That was when I was 4 weeks pregnant exactly! It seems absolutely crazy how fast this pregnancy is whizzing by. But to be honest I don't mind that the last 12 weeks have whizzed by, the first 16 weeks of pregnancy are the worst in my opinion. Before the 12 week scan you have NO idea how things are going. You just plod on, hoping that lack of cramps and bleeding is a good sign that all is going how it should. Then you get that magical day when you see your tiny baby and KNOW that you didn't imagine that line on the test, that there really is a real little baby inside you all snug, and that it's alright, and not an alien, or anything else for that matter! But then you have a month to wait for the next real sign that baby is ok, seeing the midwife and hearing the heartbeat. I have felt baby kick before I went to see her but I had forgotten just how slight the first kicks are. How easy it is to doubt yourself as to whether those little pops and bubbly feelings were baby kicking or just wind in your gut.
Yesterday I heard Squidge's heartbeat. What a lovely sound! She put the doppler on my belly, and that VERY instant, there was the baby's heartbeat! How lovely she found it straight away, no 5 second wait worrying she wouldn't find it, there it was! Hearing that heartbeat was just wonderful, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And confirmation that the little pops unaccompanied by any obvious wind (sorry!) were my little Squidge kicking away in there! S/he is about the size of a pear now, about 11cm long from crown to rump (just over 4 inches) and weighs about 3oz. S/he is beginning to hiccup in preparation for breathing, and is also learning to grab his/her umbilical cord and grasp it! How amazing that in just 3 and a half short months they can go from being a single cell, a fertilised egg, into a being that is just a tiny, perfect little person, growing and learning day by day even inside the uterus, learning how to survive in the world outside Mummy's tummy.
The night before my midwife appointment, I had a dream, my FIRST baby related dream since conception (that I remember!). I was in labour, about to give birth to my baby. I wasn't in hospital, I was in a place I don't really remember, or recognise from my dream particularly, but it was dim, with a soft reddish/brown hue. It was a quick and easy labour, and baby was being born, even though I remember there were no midwives here yet!! But I was calm, and birthed my baby, reaching down to receive it. When it was born, I pulled it up and onto my chest, where I breathed in every detail. My little baby was absolutely perfect in every way, and I held it, and prayed that it would cry so I knew it was ok. It did cry, briefly, which was the most wonderful sound ever! I suddenly realised that I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl! So I looked, and it was a girl! We had no name for her, but I spent the next while in my dream just cuddling my baby girl, she suckled a bit at my breast, and it was just WONDERFUL. The midwife had finally turned up, and eventually they weighed my baby girl, and she weighed in at 9lb 15oz! Just 1oz short of Robert's birth weight, but I remember thinking "wow, just 1oz less than Robert and she was a week early too!"
It was just such a wonderful, peaceful dream, and I didn't want to wake up! And who knows if my dream was right, only one thing is determined right now, and that's Squidge's gender. So my dream has a 50/50 chance of being right. However, the other two parts of my dream aren't determined yet, so just imagine if they turn out to be true too, that Squidge is a week early, and weighs 9lb 15oz! I will be looking forward eagerly to more dreams. I love pregnancy dreams! For the most part, I had a couple of disturbing dreams (mainly erotic ones with people who I REALLY shouldn't be doing or WANTING to do erotic things with!!!) but they were mostly fun and interesting :) Especially the baby related dreams!
Yesterday I heard Squidge's heartbeat. What a lovely sound! She put the doppler on my belly, and that VERY instant, there was the baby's heartbeat! How lovely she found it straight away, no 5 second wait worrying she wouldn't find it, there it was! Hearing that heartbeat was just wonderful, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And confirmation that the little pops unaccompanied by any obvious wind (sorry!) were my little Squidge kicking away in there! S/he is about the size of a pear now, about 11cm long from crown to rump (just over 4 inches) and weighs about 3oz. S/he is beginning to hiccup in preparation for breathing, and is also learning to grab his/her umbilical cord and grasp it! How amazing that in just 3 and a half short months they can go from being a single cell, a fertilised egg, into a being that is just a tiny, perfect little person, growing and learning day by day even inside the uterus, learning how to survive in the world outside Mummy's tummy.
The night before my midwife appointment, I had a dream, my FIRST baby related dream since conception (that I remember!). I was in labour, about to give birth to my baby. I wasn't in hospital, I was in a place I don't really remember, or recognise from my dream particularly, but it was dim, with a soft reddish/brown hue. It was a quick and easy labour, and baby was being born, even though I remember there were no midwives here yet!! But I was calm, and birthed my baby, reaching down to receive it. When it was born, I pulled it up and onto my chest, where I breathed in every detail. My little baby was absolutely perfect in every way, and I held it, and prayed that it would cry so I knew it was ok. It did cry, briefly, which was the most wonderful sound ever! I suddenly realised that I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl! So I looked, and it was a girl! We had no name for her, but I spent the next while in my dream just cuddling my baby girl, she suckled a bit at my breast, and it was just WONDERFUL. The midwife had finally turned up, and eventually they weighed my baby girl, and she weighed in at 9lb 15oz! Just 1oz short of Robert's birth weight, but I remember thinking "wow, just 1oz less than Robert and she was a week early too!"
It was just such a wonderful, peaceful dream, and I didn't want to wake up! And who knows if my dream was right, only one thing is determined right now, and that's Squidge's gender. So my dream has a 50/50 chance of being right. However, the other two parts of my dream aren't determined yet, so just imagine if they turn out to be true too, that Squidge is a week early, and weighs 9lb 15oz! I will be looking forward eagerly to more dreams. I love pregnancy dreams! For the most part, I had a couple of disturbing dreams (mainly erotic ones with people who I REALLY shouldn't be doing or WANTING to do erotic things with!!!) but they were mostly fun and interesting :) Especially the baby related dreams!
Sunday 18 April 2010
15 weeks 3 days - urgh
Well... since last week sometime, my boobs have been SO SORE. Well, actually not as sore as that is making out to be, but I have definitely started with the sore boobs, finally. With Robert I got them early on - before 6 weeks pregnant definitely, this time it's super duper late! I don't know if breastfeeding has had any affect on this, but now it is SO sore to nurse Robert. Sometimes it's sore just by him nursing nicely, when he's not fidgetty, but it's awful when he's climbing all over me, digging his elbow and chin into my boob while he's feeding. And sometimes when he latches on, I find myself holding my breath waiting for that stab of pain. Just OWW OWW! I've had to stop him practically every time in the last few days. And I didn't nurse him before bed tonight, I couldn't really face the thought of it. He is usually quite unsettled for his nighttime feeds, although occasionally he will just lay still and nicely. But it's his HANDS that just go overtime at night, pinching squeezing tweaking poking. Or grabbing for my ears (latest obsession!!! grabs one ear, and then pushes my face the other way with his hand and grabs the other!) So anyway yeah he went without his bedtime milk. Not that I'm even sure how much I have left right now!! lol! I will let him try again in the morning but I think I may actually wean him before Squidge is born :( However... if he wants to continue after Squidge arrives I will let him!
I have been feeling some definite Squidge pops lately in my belly :) Although being a busy mum I don't notice them every day, and sometimes it is still hard to tell if it's wind or not lol. As I'm laying in bed I can feel my uterus right there, sometimes my belly feels hard almost up to my belly button which is a bit big really, I'm guessing maybe it's pushing up something as well? I don't really know, it seems to move depending on the day lol :) But it's lovely how I know Squidge is definitely growing in there :) And nice to know that in a couple of weeks I'll be feeling Squidge soooo often :)
I just can't believe how I still don't have any idea in my mind as to whether Squidge is a boy or a girl! I sometimes find myself playing the scene of when we find out Squidge's sex in my mind, sometimes thinking to myself "it's a baby girl!" and sometimes "it's a boy!" but neither sticks out to me, I am just so completely unsure! I don't believe that the old wives tale of different/similar pregnancies has any meaning regarding the sex. Some women swear by it, claiming that their pregnancy with their son was completely different to their daughter's and some people with multiple of one gender report remarkably similar pregnancies. But others also say that their same sex children had completely different pregnancies or vice versa, their different gender pregnancies were so similar they were convinced they were having another boy/girl whatever. So far in the way that I've had no morning sickness it's similar to Robert's pregnancy. But the boobs are different! I've been so busy with Robert so it's hard to compare everything anyway as I was able to relax with Robert but not so much with this one! I've asked Jonathan if he would mind not finding out the sex, and he has agreed that if that's what I want he'll do it :) Although he did say "can I find out and you not find out?" And well I don't like the idea of that because he's bound to slip up, besides then the temptation to know would be so great, and well, I just wouldn't be happy with it. Everyone would know but me and that's just not right is it!! Plus, it would take away from that special moment just after the birth when he would tell me. I can always change my mind but I really hope I can stick to it because I would so love the surprise!
Names are still non-existant. Jonathan though said to me "I thought we had a girls name?" er... what? "you know, you showed me that list and I told you which one I liked." errr yeah but that's not a joint decision by any means! Argh! Plus, he STILL hasn't looked up names. It's always on me to remind him and remind him and remind him to do ANYTHING like that. I wanted him to read that Children are from Heaven book but it is just that I have to say to him EVERY DAY to go and read some, and then it's sort of like I have to bargain with him to go and do it. Ie, give him free time when I'm looking after Robert so he does it. Because he won't do it during the evening, or during Robert's naps. So I sort of give up. I want him to know the reasoning behind things and not just get me to try and remember everything and say in my version of recollection what the book says, when he can just read it himself! I guess it's just something, along with names, that'll get done eventually. With names I guess if he doesn't get his finger out I'll get my way with names in the end :P
I have been feeling some definite Squidge pops lately in my belly :) Although being a busy mum I don't notice them every day, and sometimes it is still hard to tell if it's wind or not lol. As I'm laying in bed I can feel my uterus right there, sometimes my belly feels hard almost up to my belly button which is a bit big really, I'm guessing maybe it's pushing up something as well? I don't really know, it seems to move depending on the day lol :) But it's lovely how I know Squidge is definitely growing in there :) And nice to know that in a couple of weeks I'll be feeling Squidge soooo often :)
I just can't believe how I still don't have any idea in my mind as to whether Squidge is a boy or a girl! I sometimes find myself playing the scene of when we find out Squidge's sex in my mind, sometimes thinking to myself "it's a baby girl!" and sometimes "it's a boy!" but neither sticks out to me, I am just so completely unsure! I don't believe that the old wives tale of different/similar pregnancies has any meaning regarding the sex. Some women swear by it, claiming that their pregnancy with their son was completely different to their daughter's and some people with multiple of one gender report remarkably similar pregnancies. But others also say that their same sex children had completely different pregnancies or vice versa, their different gender pregnancies were so similar they were convinced they were having another boy/girl whatever. So far in the way that I've had no morning sickness it's similar to Robert's pregnancy. But the boobs are different! I've been so busy with Robert so it's hard to compare everything anyway as I was able to relax with Robert but not so much with this one! I've asked Jonathan if he would mind not finding out the sex, and he has agreed that if that's what I want he'll do it :) Although he did say "can I find out and you not find out?" And well I don't like the idea of that because he's bound to slip up, besides then the temptation to know would be so great, and well, I just wouldn't be happy with it. Everyone would know but me and that's just not right is it!! Plus, it would take away from that special moment just after the birth when he would tell me. I can always change my mind but I really hope I can stick to it because I would so love the surprise!
Names are still non-existant. Jonathan though said to me "I thought we had a girls name?" er... what? "you know, you showed me that list and I told you which one I liked." errr yeah but that's not a joint decision by any means! Argh! Plus, he STILL hasn't looked up names. It's always on me to remind him and remind him and remind him to do ANYTHING like that. I wanted him to read that Children are from Heaven book but it is just that I have to say to him EVERY DAY to go and read some, and then it's sort of like I have to bargain with him to go and do it. Ie, give him free time when I'm looking after Robert so he does it. Because he won't do it during the evening, or during Robert's naps. So I sort of give up. I want him to know the reasoning behind things and not just get me to try and remember everything and say in my version of recollection what the book says, when he can just read it himself! I guess it's just something, along with names, that'll get done eventually. With names I guess if he doesn't get his finger out I'll get my way with names in the end :P
Tuesday 13 April 2010
14 weeks 5 days - reappearance
I'm beginning to see why Alice has two separate journals one for pregnancy/ttc and one for "the kids". I am beginning to feel like everything right now has become all mushed up in one place!
Right now, the last week I am beginning to see the reappearance of a few symptoms. Well I started getting sore boobs for the first time this pregnancy about a couple of weeks ago. They're not too bad now, although it can sometimes be sore to nurse Robert. He only nurses in the morning after waking and in the night before bedtime now, and has done since maybe 13/14 months old which was when I cut out his afternoon nap milk. He seems to enjoy his morning milk more than his night time milk, sometimes he just faffs about for ages tweaking, pinching, pulling and arghhh it just really winds me up! Why I've not got around to getting a nursing necklace yet I don't know!!!
I also have had a few instances of feeling sick. Sort of... it's a bit of an odd sensation, but usually a trip to the toilet sorts it out. So those and the constant peeing are the only real indications I have that all are going ok in there. Last night as I was falling asleep I remember feeling what could have been kicks. I'm just not certain anymore. These next 6 days could not go fast enough for me. I'm DESPERATE to hear Squidge's heartbeat. I just wish it was next Monday already! Luckily the weather seems to be cheering up, and with it my spirits. I adore it when it's warm and sunny! The world just seems to be a nicer place, it's just a wonderful feeling! I'm hoping that the weather will remain nice and bright and sunny this week so I can get washing done, spend lots of time in the garden with Robert, go on walks, picnics maybe! Just lots of fun things to pass the time.
I still have had no gender dreams. Not a single one. In fact I've had very few dreams to do with the baby whatsoever. I was thinking to myself actually this week that I would LOVE if Squidge was a boy!! Which surprised me so much! I watch Robert with Kieran (my friend Sarah's 3 year old) and we just realised actually that the age gap between them is almost EXACTLY the same age gap as will be between Robert and Squidge! And they play together so beautifully I think with each passing day how lovely and WONDERFUL an age gap of 22 and a half months is! And imagine, two little brothers! I know that at a small age no matter if it was a boy or a girl they would be close but as they grow up together I just feel sometimes that the gender divide might get stronger especially as they approach their teens and start their dislike of the opposite gender! It's not always the case I know, but I just think how lovely it would be to have 2 boys so close in age growing up and staying close forever! But at the same time my heart does yearn for a little girl as we have a boy already and a little girl would just be lovely.
Part of me is seriously considering NOT finding out the sex at the next scan! Because I really can 100% say that I will be thrilled with either sex! And how lovely would the surprise be at the end, to have Jonathan looking at me and saying "we have a beautiful baby.....*insert gender here*!" But I think Jonathan has his mind set on finding out. We have a while to go still until the scan. 6 weeks and 3 days to make up my mind, and then to possibly persuade Jonathan.
Names are still unknown. In fact we have not discussed them at all since although in my mind I have since crossed off some names and added others. I am so adament that I do not want a popular name for our baby, as I was one of three Nicolas in my primary school class, so I was forever known as "Nicola Br", not even Nicola B as one of the other Nicolas was a Nicola B!! Jonathan does not understand this, he thinks that if we both like a name we should just choose it regardless, that it shouldn't matter how many others of the same name there are in the class/school/town/whatever. But then Jonathan went to a small village school where each year group only had a handful of children in. In fact I think there were 2-3 year groups in one classroom! And he was the only Jonathan.
For a girl recently I had been thinking "Sophie" but that is in the top 5 girls names, I would really ideally want a rarer name. The girl's name at the top of my mind recently has been Eleanor. Boys names: Darryl I have gone off slightly but I still love Callum (37 on the top 2009 names so not bad). Part of me is thinking of making a list of names, shortening it to 3 or so, and then when the baby is born, picking my favourite and persuading Jonathan to name it that! Apparently it works, the baby is born, you look at your hubby and say "ahhhh. Look what I just pushed out. Can we name him x?" and he can't refuse hahaha! Then after a while they can't imagine the baby without that name anyway and love it as much as you! I didn't have to do that with Robert because I loved it so much I got my own way before he was even born lol ;)
Right now, the last week I am beginning to see the reappearance of a few symptoms. Well I started getting sore boobs for the first time this pregnancy about a couple of weeks ago. They're not too bad now, although it can sometimes be sore to nurse Robert. He only nurses in the morning after waking and in the night before bedtime now, and has done since maybe 13/14 months old which was when I cut out his afternoon nap milk. He seems to enjoy his morning milk more than his night time milk, sometimes he just faffs about for ages tweaking, pinching, pulling and arghhh it just really winds me up! Why I've not got around to getting a nursing necklace yet I don't know!!!
I also have had a few instances of feeling sick. Sort of... it's a bit of an odd sensation, but usually a trip to the toilet sorts it out. So those and the constant peeing are the only real indications I have that all are going ok in there. Last night as I was falling asleep I remember feeling what could have been kicks. I'm just not certain anymore. These next 6 days could not go fast enough for me. I'm DESPERATE to hear Squidge's heartbeat. I just wish it was next Monday already! Luckily the weather seems to be cheering up, and with it my spirits. I adore it when it's warm and sunny! The world just seems to be a nicer place, it's just a wonderful feeling! I'm hoping that the weather will remain nice and bright and sunny this week so I can get washing done, spend lots of time in the garden with Robert, go on walks, picnics maybe! Just lots of fun things to pass the time.
I still have had no gender dreams. Not a single one. In fact I've had very few dreams to do with the baby whatsoever. I was thinking to myself actually this week that I would LOVE if Squidge was a boy!! Which surprised me so much! I watch Robert with Kieran (my friend Sarah's 3 year old) and we just realised actually that the age gap between them is almost EXACTLY the same age gap as will be between Robert and Squidge! And they play together so beautifully I think with each passing day how lovely and WONDERFUL an age gap of 22 and a half months is! And imagine, two little brothers! I know that at a small age no matter if it was a boy or a girl they would be close but as they grow up together I just feel sometimes that the gender divide might get stronger especially as they approach their teens and start their dislike of the opposite gender! It's not always the case I know, but I just think how lovely it would be to have 2 boys so close in age growing up and staying close forever! But at the same time my heart does yearn for a little girl as we have a boy already and a little girl would just be lovely.
Part of me is seriously considering NOT finding out the sex at the next scan! Because I really can 100% say that I will be thrilled with either sex! And how lovely would the surprise be at the end, to have Jonathan looking at me and saying "we have a beautiful baby.....*insert gender here*!" But I think Jonathan has his mind set on finding out. We have a while to go still until the scan. 6 weeks and 3 days to make up my mind, and then to possibly persuade Jonathan.
Names are still unknown. In fact we have not discussed them at all since although in my mind I have since crossed off some names and added others. I am so adament that I do not want a popular name for our baby, as I was one of three Nicolas in my primary school class, so I was forever known as "Nicola Br", not even Nicola B as one of the other Nicolas was a Nicola B!! Jonathan does not understand this, he thinks that if we both like a name we should just choose it regardless, that it shouldn't matter how many others of the same name there are in the class/school/town/whatever. But then Jonathan went to a small village school where each year group only had a handful of children in. In fact I think there were 2-3 year groups in one classroom! And he was the only Jonathan.
For a girl recently I had been thinking "Sophie" but that is in the top 5 girls names, I would really ideally want a rarer name. The girl's name at the top of my mind recently has been Eleanor. Boys names: Darryl I have gone off slightly but I still love Callum (37 on the top 2009 names so not bad). Part of me is thinking of making a list of names, shortening it to 3 or so, and then when the baby is born, picking my favourite and persuading Jonathan to name it that! Apparently it works, the baby is born, you look at your hubby and say "ahhhh. Look what I just pushed out. Can we name him x?" and he can't refuse hahaha! Then after a while they can't imagine the baby without that name anyway and love it as much as you! I didn't have to do that with Robert because I loved it so much I got my own way before he was even born lol ;)
Sunday 11 April 2010
14 weeks 4 days - lovely weather
To be honest it's pretty easy right now to forget that I am pregnant. Movements aren't great and I can't feel them really unless I look out for them. This is a little worrying but hey, there's nothing I can really do about it so I just have to wait. I just "am". If that makes sense!
Yesterday we had some lovely weather. We made the most of it by going for a picnic in Twywell Hills and Dales, the same place as this photo was taken:
We ate some sandwiches and fruit, and Robert chased after some bubbles we brought with us :)
Then we went for a short walk as it was nearly time for young man's nap, but he loved looking at all the plants, rocks, sticks, molehills...
And giving Daddy waves! Robert does PROPER waves now rather than just clenching and unclenching his fist he actually waves his hand and looks at it in awe! :D
We finished off the day beautifully with a barbecue after Robert's nap, and he really enjoyed playing in the garden for ages while the barbecue was getting ready and then the food cooking. Last year's barbecues were a lot less stressful as he stayed more or less in one place! Yesterday we had to baracade off the barbecue with all the garden chairs to stop the little monkey getting close to it!
But he enjoyed climbing up onto the one spare chair that wasn't being used as baracades, going down his slide, walking along the pebbles on the outskirts of the garden, and generally being a silly boy! :)
We had a lovely time yesterday! I hope you all did too!
Yesterday we had some lovely weather. We made the most of it by going for a picnic in Twywell Hills and Dales, the same place as this photo was taken:
We ate some sandwiches and fruit, and Robert chased after some bubbles we brought with us :)
Then we went for a short walk as it was nearly time for young man's nap, but he loved looking at all the plants, rocks, sticks, molehills...
And giving Daddy waves! Robert does PROPER waves now rather than just clenching and unclenching his fist he actually waves his hand and looks at it in awe! :D
We finished off the day beautifully with a barbecue after Robert's nap, and he really enjoyed playing in the garden for ages while the barbecue was getting ready and then the food cooking. Last year's barbecues were a lot less stressful as he stayed more or less in one place! Yesterday we had to baracade off the barbecue with all the garden chairs to stop the little monkey getting close to it!
But he enjoyed climbing up onto the one spare chair that wasn't being used as baracades, going down his slide, walking along the pebbles on the outskirts of the garden, and generally being a silly boy! :)
We had a lovely time yesterday! I hope you all did too!
Wednesday 7 April 2010
13 weeks 6 days - feeling a bit better
I'm generally feeling better than I was, although I still got a bit angry and frustrated with Robert over the last day or so. I feel like he's not actually being stimulated enough. I feel like there's something I'm not providing for him, but I don't know what. Sometimes I feel like I'll actually get around to providing a messy/creative/arty thing for him to do, but it usually just winds up as more stress for me, and I just feel like I wish it would just be over with already, and why did I bother, etc. Like he wants to walk around picking up things with messy hands, getting everything all over the place and I just feel like screaming!
I wish Robert's nap didn't co-incide with the afternoon group sessions, I really do. Because this afternoon (in fact it started 20 minutes ago) there is a messy play session which he loved when he was having different nap times, and today I did even try to get him down for a nap early (he went down at midday) and he is still asleep! So by the time he wakes, and we get down there, it'll practically be over so there's really no point. There is a stay and play group in the mornings on Monday and Friday, that is all! Afternoons are just terrible for me to try and get to. It's just so much easier and makes the weeks go so much faster when I get out a few times a week. That's why Sarah is my lifeline, we can work around Robert's naps, and it gets him socialising which is lovely. And gets me adult company!
Anyway, Robert is now stirring from his nap (almost 2 hours, good boy) and he'll be hungry as he only ate 1/4 of his lunch (I suppose it had only been 2 hours or so since breakfast - AND he'd had a snack or two as well) so he can have the rest in a mo.
Squidge is almost 14 weeks along now, so s/he (I still have NO idea at all! Where are my gender dreams this time round???) is now around 9-10 cm long, is beginning to grow hair (not surprised if Robert is anything to go by!) and is a fully formed human being, all be it a very very tiny one! I have less than 2 weeks to wait til I hear Squidge's heartbeat for the first time (for anyone who is confused at that due to a certain Facebook April Fools prank I played, I never actually saw the midwife, I made up a senario why I'd need to see her earlier than I said I was incase anyone remembered I was going to see her at 16 weeks!) and while I'm still about 85-90% sure I have been (and occasionally still am) feeling Squidge kicking already, it will be a relief that all is okay and that I know it's entirely possible for Squidge to be doing so!
Well Robert seems to have moaned himself back to sleep temporarily... He is definitely getting better, he didn't wake up coughing that I could tell last night and when he does cough it's definitely better than it was. And I'm now no longer paranoid he'll start chucking up his food.
I want to start the exercise again. I haven't done so for a couple of weeks now, I've just not felt up to it, but I think I might be up to starting it up slowly again now. Last time I weighed in I was at around 14 stone 1 or 2 which isn't bad as my lowest weight so far since pregnancy with Robert has been 13 stone 8 and I gained that back before my pregnancy with Squidge so I think I've gained barely 3lbs... at least until 2 weeks ago. I will weigh myself again later when Robert is eating dinner I think. I won't be surprised to see an increase, not just because I'm now into the 2nd trimester and baby will be gaining weight rapidly now, but also because I've had a couple of takeaways, and a pizza using tesco value pizza bases, and a couple of roast dinners... several helpings of various cakes... and ice cream! We shall see. I'm trying to be sensible but I am indulging cravings too, just trying to not indulge them to the point of binging!
Hopefully I'll catch up later. Robert is now letting me know he's definitely ready to be up and playing!
I wish Robert's nap didn't co-incide with the afternoon group sessions, I really do. Because this afternoon (in fact it started 20 minutes ago) there is a messy play session which he loved when he was having different nap times, and today I did even try to get him down for a nap early (he went down at midday) and he is still asleep! So by the time he wakes, and we get down there, it'll practically be over so there's really no point. There is a stay and play group in the mornings on Monday and Friday, that is all! Afternoons are just terrible for me to try and get to. It's just so much easier and makes the weeks go so much faster when I get out a few times a week. That's why Sarah is my lifeline, we can work around Robert's naps, and it gets him socialising which is lovely. And gets me adult company!
Anyway, Robert is now stirring from his nap (almost 2 hours, good boy) and he'll be hungry as he only ate 1/4 of his lunch (I suppose it had only been 2 hours or so since breakfast - AND he'd had a snack or two as well) so he can have the rest in a mo.
Squidge is almost 14 weeks along now, so s/he (I still have NO idea at all! Where are my gender dreams this time round???) is now around 9-10 cm long, is beginning to grow hair (not surprised if Robert is anything to go by!) and is a fully formed human being, all be it a very very tiny one! I have less than 2 weeks to wait til I hear Squidge's heartbeat for the first time (for anyone who is confused at that due to a certain Facebook April Fools prank I played, I never actually saw the midwife, I made up a senario why I'd need to see her earlier than I said I was incase anyone remembered I was going to see her at 16 weeks!) and while I'm still about 85-90% sure I have been (and occasionally still am) feeling Squidge kicking already, it will be a relief that all is okay and that I know it's entirely possible for Squidge to be doing so!
Well Robert seems to have moaned himself back to sleep temporarily... He is definitely getting better, he didn't wake up coughing that I could tell last night and when he does cough it's definitely better than it was. And I'm now no longer paranoid he'll start chucking up his food.
I want to start the exercise again. I haven't done so for a couple of weeks now, I've just not felt up to it, but I think I might be up to starting it up slowly again now. Last time I weighed in I was at around 14 stone 1 or 2 which isn't bad as my lowest weight so far since pregnancy with Robert has been 13 stone 8 and I gained that back before my pregnancy with Squidge so I think I've gained barely 3lbs... at least until 2 weeks ago. I will weigh myself again later when Robert is eating dinner I think. I won't be surprised to see an increase, not just because I'm now into the 2nd trimester and baby will be gaining weight rapidly now, but also because I've had a couple of takeaways, and a pizza using tesco value pizza bases, and a couple of roast dinners... several helpings of various cakes... and ice cream! We shall see. I'm trying to be sensible but I am indulging cravings too, just trying to not indulge them to the point of binging!
Hopefully I'll catch up later. Robert is now letting me know he's definitely ready to be up and playing!
Monday 5 April 2010
13 weeks 4 days - movements??!!
Well I am now definitely into the 2nd trimester, pretty much by any definition people or websites have ;)
Now with Robert I felt him move at 15 weeks roughly. For the last few days I have been pretty sure I've felt Squidge.... not 100% but maybe 85-90%. I know it's pretty early, as I was only just 13 weeks, but these times they have not been followed shortly after by farts! ;) I am hoping it won't be long before I know 100% that they are my little Squidge kicking away in there :) I was watching telly just half an hour ago or so, and I just suddenly felt something, even though my attention wasn't on feeling it, I think that was little Squidge.
I have no idea whether Squidge is a he or a she. Although I am tending to say and think "he" but whether that's because I'm used to saying "he" with a child of mine I don't know ;)
Oh something else probably regarding the pregnancy. Today, I have had the most disconcerting and uncomfortable tingly pains that are quite regular coming into my right nipple. I wonder if it has anything to do with my milk supply maybe diminishing due to pregnancy. I hand expressed a drop or two, and (sorry for TMI) it was white, but seemed slightly sticky. But after I expressed it, the tingling pain stopped... any opinions on that from people in the know? lol
Anyway, onto Robert news. He's been quite poorly for a while now, had a cough for almost a week, although it does seem to be lessening a bit now. The cough was sometimes so violent he'd make himself sick - he's been sick probably about 4 or 5 times to varying degrees over the last few days, although not today thank goodness. Only once was it really bad, the other times were just a small amount or a tiny dribble. I gagged away like crazy with the bad one, I couldn't physically stay to help clean up so went upstairs to run his bath. And then Jonathan brought Robert up with all his sicky clothes still on, so cue more gagging. I've felt a little bit on edge to be honest over the last few days. That bad sick incident I treated Jonathan horribly, I feel so bad about it, but I've also been very short on temper with Robert and not been as calm and loving towards my poorly child as I would have liked.
I have occasionally been thinking to myself that I just don't see an end... it sounds weird, I don't feel depressed really in any way but occasionally I just think oh no, now 5 days looking after Robert on my own... and then the weekend, and then we start all over again. I feel like there's no major "things" to look forward to like each week is just another week and then there's a week after that, then one after that, etc etc. Which sounds stupid because I'm pregnant! I have so many major things to look forward to! Big solid kicks, hearing heartbeat, scan, welcoming baby, and with Robert, his new achievements day by day.
I feel that Robert is verrrrry close to talking now. I think it could be within a couple of weeks that he says his first proper meaningful word. No I'm not classing "dadadadadada" or "mamamamama" as his first word! (and I don't know why but it bugs me when people class their 5 month old baby's "first word" as such!!!) He is babbling in a much more conversational way, every day seems to make his babbling more talk-like. And today in fact he babbled in such a way I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him, wondering if he had in fact said something! He hadn't though I'm pretty sure, he just joined some sounds together into a word-like sound rather than the normal rarararara type thing!
I hope I have the patience to give him this week! After a brief energy spurt I now feel tired again which can't be helping matters! Anyway, I'm off for a shower now and then going to jump into bed. I've not had a lot of sleep lately, what with Robert waking up and coughing. I wake too it seems, then Jonathan snores and wheezes beside me so I dont get back to sleep for hours!! argh! But luckily my nightly visits to the toilet have lessened, I've not actually had a nighttime trip for a few days now which I'm glad about! :)
I hope you all had a fab easter weekend. x
Now with Robert I felt him move at 15 weeks roughly. For the last few days I have been pretty sure I've felt Squidge.... not 100% but maybe 85-90%. I know it's pretty early, as I was only just 13 weeks, but these times they have not been followed shortly after by farts! ;) I am hoping it won't be long before I know 100% that they are my little Squidge kicking away in there :) I was watching telly just half an hour ago or so, and I just suddenly felt something, even though my attention wasn't on feeling it, I think that was little Squidge.
I have no idea whether Squidge is a he or a she. Although I am tending to say and think "he" but whether that's because I'm used to saying "he" with a child of mine I don't know ;)
Oh something else probably regarding the pregnancy. Today, I have had the most disconcerting and uncomfortable tingly pains that are quite regular coming into my right nipple. I wonder if it has anything to do with my milk supply maybe diminishing due to pregnancy. I hand expressed a drop or two, and (sorry for TMI) it was white, but seemed slightly sticky. But after I expressed it, the tingling pain stopped... any opinions on that from people in the know? lol
Anyway, onto Robert news. He's been quite poorly for a while now, had a cough for almost a week, although it does seem to be lessening a bit now. The cough was sometimes so violent he'd make himself sick - he's been sick probably about 4 or 5 times to varying degrees over the last few days, although not today thank goodness. Only once was it really bad, the other times were just a small amount or a tiny dribble. I gagged away like crazy with the bad one, I couldn't physically stay to help clean up so went upstairs to run his bath. And then Jonathan brought Robert up with all his sicky clothes still on, so cue more gagging. I've felt a little bit on edge to be honest over the last few days. That bad sick incident I treated Jonathan horribly, I feel so bad about it, but I've also been very short on temper with Robert and not been as calm and loving towards my poorly child as I would have liked.
I have occasionally been thinking to myself that I just don't see an end... it sounds weird, I don't feel depressed really in any way but occasionally I just think oh no, now 5 days looking after Robert on my own... and then the weekend, and then we start all over again. I feel like there's no major "things" to look forward to like each week is just another week and then there's a week after that, then one after that, etc etc. Which sounds stupid because I'm pregnant! I have so many major things to look forward to! Big solid kicks, hearing heartbeat, scan, welcoming baby, and with Robert, his new achievements day by day.
I feel that Robert is verrrrry close to talking now. I think it could be within a couple of weeks that he says his first proper meaningful word. No I'm not classing "dadadadadada" or "mamamamama" as his first word! (and I don't know why but it bugs me when people class their 5 month old baby's "first word" as such!!!) He is babbling in a much more conversational way, every day seems to make his babbling more talk-like. And today in fact he babbled in such a way I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks and looked at him, wondering if he had in fact said something! He hadn't though I'm pretty sure, he just joined some sounds together into a word-like sound rather than the normal rarararara type thing!
I hope I have the patience to give him this week! After a brief energy spurt I now feel tired again which can't be helping matters! Anyway, I'm off for a shower now and then going to jump into bed. I've not had a lot of sleep lately, what with Robert waking up and coughing. I wake too it seems, then Jonathan snores and wheezes beside me so I dont get back to sleep for hours!! argh! But luckily my nightly visits to the toilet have lessened, I've not actually had a nighttime trip for a few days now which I'm glad about! :)
I hope you all had a fab easter weekend. x
Squidge's Belly Gallery
Well here's Squidge's Belly Gallery.
13 weeks (and 1 day)
15 weeks (and 4 days)
20 weeks
24 weeks (and 1 day)
28 weeks
32 weeks
34 weeks
36 weeks (and 1 day)
38 weeks
13 weeks (and 1 day)
15 weeks (and 4 days)
20 weeks
24 weeks (and 1 day)
28 weeks
32 weeks
34 weeks
36 weeks (and 1 day)
38 weeks
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